Kiff (2021) s01e26 Episode Script

1
[opening theme music playing]
Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff,
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff,
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff ♪
[giggles]
[both laugh]
[announcer] Brought to you by LocateMyKid.
They’re around here somewhere.
[wind gusting]
[laughter]
[camera shutters click]
Perfection.
[both laughing]
[blows]
[continues laughing]
- [wind gusting harder]
- [Beryl] Kids.
We’d better get going!
The storm is getting wild.
Ah! I can’t see a thing!
Which way is the road?
Kiff! Oh, my gosh. Kiff, where are you?
Barry! Barry! Over here!
Everyone, hang on. Stay together.
[Roy] Over here!
[door closes]
[Roy] Nobody panic.
My expensive generator should kick in
in three, two, one
one and a half
- [generator hums]
- [electricity crackles]
Everybody follow me.
I’ve prepared for this exact scenario.
Blankets and pillows in there.
Flashlights and headlamps on the shelf.
We’ll need those for bathroom breaks.
And we’ve got enough nuggets
and frozen French fries
to last a month.
Nothing to fear, friends and neighbors.
We can hunker down here
for as long as we need.
[all cheer]
Eat as much as you like.
There’s plenty more.
[sighs] Crises really
bring people together.
- Hear, hear.
- [squeeze bottle wheezing]
Hey, Mr. Fox,
do you have any more ketchup?
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
We’re out of ketchup?
No problem.
I’ll just borrow your snowmobile
and run down to the store and get some.
We’re only a few blocks from Slim Pickins.
[wind blowing violently]
We’re doomed.
[panicked chatter]
Okay, okay. Breathe, people.
I have a plan.
Candle, get me that box
of teeny cups left over
from the set of Midnight at the Museum.
[wind blowing]
Hey, that wasn’t a full squirt.
It just went [sucks teeth]
but Reggie’s squirt went
[blows raspberry]
Mr. Chatterley, comparing ketchup squirts
will only tear us apart.
[sighs] You’re right.
Try and make it last, folks.
Now, if you’ll excuse me,
I just have to check on the, uh
The thing, uh, in the other room, uh
[humming]
I’m just gonna take some of these with me.
Be right back.
[chomping]
It’s like flavorless sandpaper.
- I need more ketchup.
- We all do, buddy.
We’re all in the same
ketchup-less boat, Barry.
What if I told you there’s more ketchup?
Go on.
I think my Dad has a secret
stash of ketchup.
The ketchup is called,
"Sir Dingdington’s Private Reserve."
It’s made with "tomahtoes"
hand-picked by fruit monks.
What?
I heard him talking about it
on the phone once.
It’s expensive and very hard to find,
and that’s why he doesn’t want to share.
So that’s where he went
with that handful of French fries.
Hoarding ketchup? That’s terrible.
He should be sharing.
People are struggling. Just look at them.
[groaning]
[whimpering]
Where’s your dad now?
I. Don't. Know.
Well, we are gonna find him.
We can’t let this inequity stand
when things are so dire. Come on.
Okay, Helen, you need to write
an inspirational song
to lift everyone’s spirits.
No one asked for it,
but they need you now.
[door creaks]
- [creature snarling]
- [all scream]
Dry fries, nothing to dip ♪
Really wish I had more ketch-ip ♪
[ominous music playing]
[sniffs]
- [stomach growls]
- So hungee.
Stay strong, Bar. We’ll find him.
Ooh, nice gadget.
- [beeping]
- Ugh!
My dad insists I wear this thing
for the LocateMyKid app.
It’s how he found out
I was trading stock tips down by the wharf
after school
instead of going to volleyball practice.
Wait, Reggie, can you reverse-engineer
the LocateMyKid app so we can
track Roy’s watch instead?
Child’s play.
One hour later
Okay.
Finished.
[beeping]
Wow, you even made a little icon of Roy.
- Impressive.
- Thanks. That took most of the hour.
[beeping rapidly]
[laughs]
We won’t need this where we’re going.
Salud.
[dramatic music playing]
Look!
[app beeping]
[Kiff] What? "Cats-up"?
That’s not how you spell-- Unless
Oh! "Cats up."
He knew we were tracking him.
He’s toying with us.
Ketchup?
[sinister music playing]
[whispering] This is madness.
[loudly] Madness!
Madness madness
[sobbing]
Madness!
[hyperventilating]
You okay, Barry?
[screams]
[grunting]
Stay standing, my tower!
Cats up! Cats up!
Meow, meow! Meow, meow!
Barry, what are you doing?
[snarling]
Barry?
Ketchup?
Big, beautiful bottle of ketchup.
[gasps] Three? It’s a herd!
Hi.
[cackles]
I’m gonna squeeze you!
[all scream]
[panting]
Where are you going?
[all gasp]
The fries are just a vehicle
for the sauce.
He’s lost it. He needs ketchup!
Barry, please. You’re seeing things.
[snarling]
Kiff, I think you’re right.
I’ve gotta be seeing things,
'cause I just hallucinated Candle’s dad
in a giant hot tub of ketchup.
Uh, come again?
[all gasp]
Oh! I thought we weren’t allowed
to eat in the Jacuzzi.
Right. That’s the weird part.
Oh, crud.
Shame on you, Roy.
Holed up in your ivory tower
with more ketchup than you can eat
while everyone suffers.
Oh, so now I’m to blame?
You’d all be wandering around
in the snow without me.
I earned this ketchup,
and if I want to keep it all for myself
[slurps]
that’s my prerogative, kid.
It’s over, Roy.
We’re redistributing
this ketchup to the people!
[all] Yeah!
Come and get it.
No, don’t do this, Father.
Please! We can negotiate!
No. The time for diplomacy is over.
Get him!
[all scream]
[electricity crackles]
Oh, hey. Power’s back.
[electricity crackles]
[rumbling and bubbling]
No, no, no, no, no!
My Dingdington’s Private Reserve!
[rumbling]
[all scream]
It’s psychosomatic.
Seeing the word "ketchup"
makes your brain think
you can taste ketchup.
Now, we’ll take turns
going one at a time and--
[all scream]
[elephant trumpets]
[monkeys shrieking]
So, this is how it ends.
[electricity crackles]
[loud thud]
[elevator dings]
[all] Whoa!
Ketchup.
- [all] Ketchup!
- Hey!
Don’t eat that.
That’s mine.
[crying]
My Dingdington’s!
[groans]
We did it, Barry.
We righted the injustice.
We brought "tomahto" ketchup
to the people.
It’s beautiful, Kiff.
I wrote a song to inspire you. Oh.
Uh, you’re still gonna want to hear this.
Dry fries ♪
Nothing to dip ♪
Really wish I had more ketch-ip ♪
[announcer] Brought to you
by The Committee to Fund Prom.
Proms don’t grow on trees.
Dig deep, kids.
Proms don’t grow on trees.
Kiff. Barry. Can I count on your support?
This year’s theme is Jungle Clam.
Huh, I thought the students
voted for Jungle Glam.
Was that a G? That makes more sense.
Well, too late now. Got all those clams.
Anything to help.
We love teenagers.
Mm. Jungle Glam. Jungle Clam
Barry, your sister just asked
Kyle Lyon to prom.
What?
But Kyle Lyon is sweethearts
with Michaela Oats.
[scoffs] Uh, no. He’s available now.
- Where have you two been?
- This makes no sense.
Michaela and Kyle are the best couple.
Okay, so Kyle and Michaela
were sweethearts,
but then last weekend
Michaela texted Kyle twice.
First text: that she was going
away with Danny Wibbon’s family
to their beach house.
And, second text.
"Do not expect to hear from me." Yeah.
[gasps] She broke up with him?
Over text?
- Two texts.
- That’s so cold.
[Trevor] What makes this interesting
is that Danny Wibbon reportedly
walked Vanilla Tigner
to the bus last week.
Oh, my gosh, how did we not know this?
We’re so out of the loop.
- [cell phone buzzes and rings]
- Hold on a sec.
Go for Trev. Uh-huh.
No. Are you sure?
Okay, this just in.
My sources have confirmed
that Michaela Oats
just asked Ben Bamboo to prom.
- What?
- What?
What about Danny Wibbon?
What is happening?
[panicked chatter]
[panting] Too much drama!
Oh, prom is gonna be lit!
Oh, if only we could be flies on the wall.
[laughs] I’d want to be more than a fly,
if you know what I mean.
[slurps] I heard there’s gonna be
a chocolate fondue fountain.
[moans]
Barry, Trevor?
I have something important to ask you.
Will you
crash prom with me?
Yes, of course.
I’m already there.
[techno music blaring]
[laughing]
[inaudible]
Yes. The perfect spot
to stay on top of all the drama.
People always gossip over punch.
Oh, look.
Okay, so Danny Wibbon is back
with Vanilla Tigner?
What? Well, that’s news to me.
- [dance song plays]
- [partygoers cheer]
Oh, I can’t hear a thing.
- I gotta get closer.
- No, Trevor, wait.
[grunts]
[crashes]
- He’s gonna get caught.
- Hey, check it out.
Aw, look, the boys
are comparing cummerbunds.
[camera shutters clicking]
It really is a magical evening.
Oh. Oh, no.
- Oh, Trevor, what are you doing?
- Oh, this’ll never work.
He’s obviously just a kid
with a fake mustache.
[in deep voice] Hello. I am T-Dog.
Backup drummer for the band?
For the prom?
Of course. Right this way, sir.
[dance music blaring]
- Huh.
- Go, Trev.
Hey, are you the backup drummer?
Thank goodness you’re here.
Our drummer has hay fever. Come on.
Look!
Kyle Lyon and Terri Buns
have entered the building.
[Barry] Okay, Kyle Lyon and my sister.
No surprise there.
I’m surprised Terri asked him to go.
She doesn’t strike me as a prom person.
Oh, she’s not.
She thinks being crowned prom queen
will help her socials.
[gasps] They just strolled by Michaela,
and Kyle didn’t even acknowledge her.
Now Michaela is dragging
Ben Bamboo onto the dance floor,
and she’s making a big deal
about how much fun she’s having
in a thinly-veiled attempt
to make Kyle jealous.
Hold the phone! Now Kyle
is totally ignoring her
and dragging Terri onto an adjacent part
of the dance floor
and making and even bigger deal
about how much fun he’s having!
Oh!
I’m having so much fun!
Drop the balloons!
[all] Drop the balloons!
Drop the balloons!
[both] Uh-oh.
[all cheer]
I’m slipping.
They’re too powerful.
Barry!
[both scream]
Nobody noticed us.
We’re safe for now, but what about
when all these balloons start to disperse?
Follow my bounce.
[strumming]
Hey, so our first song
doesn’t have any drums.
It’s kind of what we’re known for.
- Sick!
- But be ready on my cue
for the next song, which is mostly drums.
Sick.
Two, three, four!
[plays chords]
[cheering]
[sniffing]
[Trevor groaning]
[laughs]
Little dude, that’s your cue!
[sizzling]
Little dude!
[drumming expertly]
Okay, girl. Spill.
- What?
- I’m your best friend.
I can tell when something’s wrong.
- Oh, I really want Kyle back.
- [gasps]
I don’t know what happened.
I went on vacation
with my family friend
"Family friend"?
and I sent
three texts to Kyle, you know,
explaining that
the cell reception was bad.
Sure, sure.
And the next thing I know,
Kyle is going to prom with Terri Buns.
Terri Buns!
Ugh!
[Kiff] Three texts?
Do you hear voices?
Of course.
That missing text must have been
about the cell reception,
and would have changed the meaning of,
"Don’t expect to hear from me."
But it never went through,
leading Kyle Lyon to believe that Michaela
was breaking up with him.
- Great extrapolating, Barry.
- Thank you.
But what about poor Kyle?
He has no idea, and Terri
doesn’t even want to be with him.
She just wants to monetize prom court
for her weird social media empire.
We have to tell him.
Middle schoolers in the clam shell?
This is a rental!
Security!
Dang.
Poor Kyle and Michaela.
This is their only prom.
[both sigh]
[Kyle sobbing]
[sniffling]
[both] Kyle Lyon?
Shouldn’t you be inside?
They’re about to announce prom king.
They already announced it.
Someone else won.
[both] Who?
This year’s prom king
- T-Dog!
- [crowd cheers]
[camera shutters click]
I’m sorry my sister dumped you.
That’s okay.
I only said yes to her
to make Michaela jealous.
- Michaela wants to be with you.
- She does?
Yes! There was a third text
you never received,
and now she’s with Ben Bamboo
to make you jealous.
- How do you know all this?
- We’ve been stalking you.
Oh, I don’t know what to do right now.
I feel crazy.
Look, just go ask her to slow-dance.
Barry and I will take care of the rest.
[dance music playing]
[Principal Secretary]
You again? Come with me.
[Trevor] No.
Give them the mic.
[laughs nervously]
Of course, Your Majesty.
So, uh, we’re gonna need
some incredible drumming.
He’s looking at her
And she’s looking at him ♪
Wondering how they got
Into this mess they’re in ♪
But take it slow
And let your anger go ♪
There are things
That you both don’t know ♪
You only lose when
You go jumping to conclusions ♪
It’s never the best
To assume the worst ♪
Gotta talk
About the text, yo ♪
It gets complex
When you get two texts ♪
And you feel perplexed ♪
And get left on "read" ♪
And you’re thinking ♪
"Is this all in my head?" ♪
Yes, it is in your head ♪
Sometimes a text
Will get sent ♪
But not delivered
’Cause of bad reception ♪
I found this article
About the top ten ♪
Reasons
For a weak connection ♪
Low battery power. You’re too far
from a tower. Walls are too thick.
There’s too much cellular traffic.
Hills, trees, mountains, valleys.
But none of that matters
Because tonight ♪
We’re at the prom, whoa ♪
We’re at the prom, whoa ♪
You’re young
And you’re free ♪
You got one night to be ♪
At the prom ♪
At the prom ♪
Now that Kyle and Michaela
are sweethearts again,
let me just ask everyone,
out of curiosity,
how many are here with a date
just to make someone else jealous?
Huh. All right. And how many couples
were originally part of a bet,
but now you’re starting
to have real feelings?
Okay. Any other, uh, undercover cops?
Uh, magazine reporters?
Time travelers
trying to set up their parents?
Well, I encourage everyone
to communicate better,
starting with yourself.
Be with the people
you really want to be with.
This is your only prom.
T-Dog, take us home.
[drum solo]
We’re at the prom, whoa ♪
We’re at the prom, whoa ♪
You’re young
And you’re free ♪
You’ve got one night to be
At the prom ♪
At the prom ♪
[sighs] What a nice prom.
[laughs] We’ve got some updating to do.
[closing theme song playing]
Chirp.