Batman s01e27 Episode Script
The Underdwellers
Whoever jumps first is chicken.
I knew you'd chicken out.
You play chicken long enough, you fry.
My purse! Help! A thief! I'm telling you, it was a leprechaun.
Really, ma'am? You expect me to believe you saw a little green man? Hey! Leprechauns and batmen What's Gotham coming to? Leprechauns? Leprechauns, Alfred.
Pardon? - Not in the mood for Brahms, are we? - You think I'm crazy, don't you? In what sense, Master Bruce? Seriously, you don't believe I saw a leprechaun.
Did he have a pot of gold? - Sir, I believe you saw something.
- Maybe I need a rest.
I believe a break from Wayne Enterprises and crime fighting would do wonders.
- Perhaps a vacation.
A little golf? - Sounds boring.
- In the Bahamas.
- Hot and boring.
No, Alfred, I think this is a job for Batman.
You have a fine flair for dramatics, sir.
Why, thank you, Alfred.
- The theater district? - Yes, I think it's time for an encore.
Hurry up! Hurry.
Hurry.
Hurry.
Are you ready for your lessons? Yes? I think so.
I think so.
Well, so am I.
Your teacher.
Your leader.
Your king.
Ready, I am.
Yes.
Lesson number one is: No talking! Children are to be seen and not heard.
We are the Underdwellers.
We are the silent ones.
We follow the invisible creed.
But, but, but someone was talking.
You.
You were heard.
And we all know the punishment for talking.
Don't we, boys and girls? I think he needs to see the light.
Yes, I do.
A few hours in the light will make Jack a bright boy.
And now, lesson two: All of you up to the streets! Bring back pretties, lots and lots of pretties for your king.
Now! I thought so.
Dead bolt.
Just a second, son.
I'm not going to hurt you.
Wait.
Open.
- Good evening, Alfred.
- Sir.
Might this wee one be a leprechaun? This, Alfred, is our guest.
I'd like you to take care of him.
- Me? But I know nothing of children.
- You'll do fine.
- Feed him, clean him and put him to bed.
- Well, perhaps.
Not in that order.
Rise and shine, master leprechaun.
Time to be up and about.
First a bath, don't you think? Do you have a name? I hope you don't expect me to guess it.
Fred? Pete? Leon? How about a little help? Can you talk? Gotcha.
You'll feel much better when you're clean.
And smell better too, I trust.
Frog, the rolls, if you please.
You're not Frog.
Where is he? He's not here! Not here! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters I took you in when nobody else would have you.
It is I who care for you.
I who provide for you and only I who knows what's good for you! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you and sent you away? There will be nothing to eat until Frog is found! Now, out with you.
Out with you! Now, let's start with some basic table manners.
Knife, fork, spoon.
Oh, dear, I could've sworn I-- No matter.
As they say, "Dig in.
" I wash, you dry.
Now then, doesn't it feel good to be doing honest work? What? Wait! Charming.
Now, see here, we're supposed to be working.
I wonder if I was that much trouble.
Oh, dear.
That is extremely dangerous.
You must put it down before you hurt someone.
Children and guns do not mix, ever.
It wasn't loaded, but it could have been.
I need your help.
Evidence.
Where is he? I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over.
And from now on you'll be treated like human beings.
I think we'll have something to say about that.
Yes, we will.
Welcome our guests.
Crush him! Destroy that costumed freak.
- I'll show you who's ruler of this kingdom.
- Put him down.
- Now! - It's feeding time for my pretties.
Great.
And I thought you were endangered.
Bravo.
Bravo.
You've caused me great distress, you evil bat.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes, you have.
You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children.
- Beloved children? - Yes.
I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them and I teach them a trade.
And now I will teach you something.
- Grab my hand! - Never! A gruesome fate for a gruesome man.
I rather enjoyed it.
I told you, they're my pretties.
Have a nice swim.
Later.
What? You! Why? Why? Why? I don't pass sentence.
That's for the courts.
But this time-- This time I am sorely tempted to do the job myself.
The light.
The light.
I knew you'd chicken out.
You play chicken long enough, you fry.
My purse! Help! A thief! I'm telling you, it was a leprechaun.
Really, ma'am? You expect me to believe you saw a little green man? Hey! Leprechauns and batmen What's Gotham coming to? Leprechauns? Leprechauns, Alfred.
Pardon? - Not in the mood for Brahms, are we? - You think I'm crazy, don't you? In what sense, Master Bruce? Seriously, you don't believe I saw a leprechaun.
Did he have a pot of gold? - Sir, I believe you saw something.
- Maybe I need a rest.
I believe a break from Wayne Enterprises and crime fighting would do wonders.
- Perhaps a vacation.
A little golf? - Sounds boring.
- In the Bahamas.
- Hot and boring.
No, Alfred, I think this is a job for Batman.
You have a fine flair for dramatics, sir.
Why, thank you, Alfred.
- The theater district? - Yes, I think it's time for an encore.
Hurry up! Hurry.
Hurry.
Hurry.
Are you ready for your lessons? Yes? I think so.
I think so.
Well, so am I.
Your teacher.
Your leader.
Your king.
Ready, I am.
Yes.
Lesson number one is: No talking! Children are to be seen and not heard.
We are the Underdwellers.
We are the silent ones.
We follow the invisible creed.
But, but, but someone was talking.
You.
You were heard.
And we all know the punishment for talking.
Don't we, boys and girls? I think he needs to see the light.
Yes, I do.
A few hours in the light will make Jack a bright boy.
And now, lesson two: All of you up to the streets! Bring back pretties, lots and lots of pretties for your king.
Now! I thought so.
Dead bolt.
Just a second, son.
I'm not going to hurt you.
Wait.
Open.
- Good evening, Alfred.
- Sir.
Might this wee one be a leprechaun? This, Alfred, is our guest.
I'd like you to take care of him.
- Me? But I know nothing of children.
- You'll do fine.
- Feed him, clean him and put him to bed.
- Well, perhaps.
Not in that order.
Rise and shine, master leprechaun.
Time to be up and about.
First a bath, don't you think? Do you have a name? I hope you don't expect me to guess it.
Fred? Pete? Leon? How about a little help? Can you talk? Gotcha.
You'll feel much better when you're clean.
And smell better too, I trust.
Frog, the rolls, if you please.
You're not Frog.
Where is he? He's not here! Not here! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters I took you in when nobody else would have you.
It is I who care for you.
I who provide for you and only I who knows what's good for you! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you and sent you away? There will be nothing to eat until Frog is found! Now, out with you.
Out with you! Now, let's start with some basic table manners.
Knife, fork, spoon.
Oh, dear, I could've sworn I-- No matter.
As they say, "Dig in.
" I wash, you dry.
Now then, doesn't it feel good to be doing honest work? What? Wait! Charming.
Now, see here, we're supposed to be working.
I wonder if I was that much trouble.
Oh, dear.
That is extremely dangerous.
You must put it down before you hurt someone.
Children and guns do not mix, ever.
It wasn't loaded, but it could have been.
I need your help.
Evidence.
Where is he? I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over.
And from now on you'll be treated like human beings.
I think we'll have something to say about that.
Yes, we will.
Welcome our guests.
Crush him! Destroy that costumed freak.
- I'll show you who's ruler of this kingdom.
- Put him down.
- Now! - It's feeding time for my pretties.
Great.
And I thought you were endangered.
Bravo.
Bravo.
You've caused me great distress, you evil bat.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes, you have.
You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children.
- Beloved children? - Yes.
I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them and I teach them a trade.
And now I will teach you something.
- Grab my hand! - Never! A gruesome fate for a gruesome man.
I rather enjoyed it.
I told you, they're my pretties.
Have a nice swim.
Later.
What? You! Why? Why? Why? I don't pass sentence.
That's for the courts.
But this time-- This time I am sorely tempted to do the job myself.
The light.
The light.