Ducktales (1987) s01e27 Episode Script

Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Racecars, lasers, aeroplanes It's a duck blur You might solve a mystery Or rewrite history - DuckTales - Ooh, ooh, ooh Every day they're out there making DuckTales Ooh, ooh, ooh Tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales - D-d-d-danger - Watch behind you - There's a stranger - Out to find you What to do? Just grab on to some DuckTales Ooh, ooh, ooh Every day they're out there making DuckTales Ooh, ooh, ooh Tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales Ooh, ooh, ooh Not ponytails or cottontails - No, DuckTales - Ooh, ooh, ooh Boy, your plane sure gets dirty when you crash-land, Launchpad.
Ah, the old Joy Rider can take it, little buddy.
She's as big a hero as I am.
Why, I remember the time I was flying over the Big Cheese Mountain range with zero visibility.
Suddenly, Mount Limburger, the biggest mountain in the whole range, jumped right out in front of me, and I Uh-oh.
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Quack-a-gram for Launchpad McQuack! That's me.
Uhh! Uh, why don't you read it for me, little buddy? Sure thing, Launchpad! Here you go, pal.
Thanks, sport.
"Dear Mr.
McQuack, the people of Duck Ridge "cordially request the honor of your presence and participation in our annual Civil War pageant.
" Nah, it's an anniversary celebration.
The reenactment of the Battle of Duck Ridge.
They want you to play the part of General Rhubarb McQuack.
Of course! My great-great-grandfather! He was a Civil War hero.
It kind of - ha ha - runs in the family.
It says you have to be there tomorrow.
Oh, gee, Launchpad, you were supposed to take us on our Junior Woodchuck field trip tomorrow.
So? I will.
But it will be a Civil War battlefield trip.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Ha ha ha ha ha.
There it is, little buddies - Duck Ridge, where my great-great-grandfather proved just how great he was.
I'm gonna take pictures of everything you do for the Junior Woodchuck scrapbook.
Be my guest, little buddy.
Great! Let's start with a closeup! Whoa-oa-oa! Do you think this could be Mr.
McQuack? Whoa-oa-oa! Can there be any doubt? Launchpad McQuack, great-great-grandson of the General Rhubarb McQuack at your service.
Ahem.
Allow me to, ahem, carefully shake your hand, sir.
Say "cheese"! Cheese! Uh, Mr.
McQuack, I, Mayor Rufus B.
Pinfeathers, and the Duck Ridge Historical Society, are honored you accepted our invitation.
The honor is all mine, your mayorness.
It is? Ahem.
You do realize you will be playing your great-great-grandfather in our reenactment of the battle.
Yes, and I intend to uphold the great, great name of my great-great-grandfather to the best of my great, great ability.
I'm sure you will! Sir, allow me to introduce Colonel Beauregard DuBark, founder of the Duck Ridge Historical Society and owner of the Duck Ridge Civil War souvenir shop.
Just let me say, we accept all major credit cards.
Colonel DuBark's ancestor, General Elijah DuBark, fought against your great-great-grandfather in the Battle of Duck Ridge.
It must be tough to have that loss hanging over your family.
You have my sympathy, good sir.
Loss? My dear sir Huh? Don't upset the apple cart if the apples are still on the tree, sir.
But, mayor, he We were wondering if you wouldn't mind wearing your great-great-grandfather's uniform in our parade.
Wow! A uniform! And a parade! I've never been on this side of a parade before.
Why, it's General McQuack.
My hero! Launchpad, why are all those people laughing? Ha ha.
I guess they're just happy to see me.
Wish I could see them.
Mr.
McQuack, you don't have to act like General Rhubarb until tomorrow.
Uh, shall we inspect your troops? They've been rehearsing for weeks.
Yeow! And it looks like you've been rehearsing, too.
Ready, men? On my command! One, two, flee! Hey, what are Launchpad's soldiers doing? They're acting like they're-they're running away! I don't know about you guys, but I don't think General Rhubarb won this battle.
What these fellas need is a pep talk from their leader, the great military genius who led McQuack's Marauders to victory.
Well, Beauregard, I'm afraid it's time we broke the news to Mr.
McQuack.
I may be the only person in the world to ever say this, but I can't wait to see his face.
Men, we are about to recreate a great battle of the Civil War.
This will be our finest hour.
But we must work as one if we are to win.
But, Mr.
McQuack, you cannot win, sir.
Just a moment, sir.
My great-great-grandfather was a hero.
Our hero! Because of Rhubarb McQuack's blundering, my great-great-grandfather won the Battle of Duck Ridge! I'm sorry that you were confused about the history of this battle, Mr.
McQuack.
If we'd have known you were ignorant about it, we Launchpad is not ignorant! How many times do I have to tell people that? Let's get back to reality.
What exactly are you trying to say, Mr.
Mayor? Well General Rhubarb McQuack and his troops were stationed at the top of Duck Ridge Hill.
The eagle-eyed man in the observation balloon signaled that DuBark's troops were advancing.
General McQuack had the advantage.
His troops were in control of the high ground.
All he had to do was draw his sword and call the charge.
Unfortunately, the poor fool - ahem, I mean, your gallant ancestor - couldn't even draw his sword! His men were stunned.
Confused.
As you know, sir, one cannot lead a charge without a proper sword.
The town militia, led by my great-great- greater-than-your- grandfather-grandfather continued advancing uncontested.
But General Rhubarb McQuack valiantly tried to turn the tide.
He yelled, "Charge!" And charge he did.
His troops were so ashamed that they ran away, and were never seen nor heard from again.
So, you see, Mr.
McQuack, you simply cannot win the Battle of Duck Ridge tomorrow.
Uh, ahem, even so, you are still the, uh, star in our little dramatization.
We couldn't have our celebration without you.
- Well, uh - Mr.
McQuack, I'm sure you will do the right thing.
You're obviously a gentleman of the highest degree, incapable of disappointing the throngs of anxious citizens.
I sure am anxious, honey.
Or dampen the spirits of our da-a-arling children, who have so looked forward to tomorrow.
We sure are looking forward to tomorrow! - Please say you'll stay.
- You'll stay.
- No, say you'll stay.
- You'll stay.
Say "I'll stay," idiot! I'll stay, idiot.
Ooh-ee! Is that a real horse? It looks like some cartoon character.
That is Grace, the direct descendant of General Rhubarb McQuack's horse.
Won't the two of you look grand? I, uh, I have to ride a horse? And here's your great-great- granddaddy's saddle, too.
Ye-eow! Whew, sure is hot.
Yeah, let's go get a soda and look around.
Yeah.
Come on, Doofus.
No, thanks, guys.
I'm gonna hang around and finish up my film.
Gee, Colonel DuBark's souvenir shop is the biggest store in town! No wonder the celebration is so important to him.
He'll make a fortune in souvenirs! Huey! Dewey! Louie! Help! Doofus, what's wrong? Launchpad put his saddle on backwards, and his horse ran away with him! Do you know which way they went? No, but I got a great picture of them going! We'd better start a search! Gangway! The search is over.
Whoa! Whoa! And I mean whoa! Wow, Launchpad rides a horse like he flies a plane.
They're going up Duck Ridge! Follow that filly! Oh, no! Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa! Whew.
Crashing horses takes a lot longer than crashing airplanes.
Ah, thank goodness for progress.
Wha-wha? Well, fellas, looks like we need a firing squad.
Any volunteers? Say, he looks familiar.
Yeah, so does his horse.
Holy quackamole! - It's him! - Who, him? General Rhubarb McQuack.
He certainly has aged well.
- Heavens to helicopters, it's them! - Them? The lost soldiers of Of General Rhubarb McQuack! - What happened? - A secret weapon.
We surrender! You can't take 'em prisoner, Launchpad! They're on our side.
I'm sure Launchpad has a plan.
What is it, Launchpad? Attention! At ease, men.
Men, I am not General Rhubarb McQuack.
I am his great-great-grandson Launchpad.
That's real unfortunate, sonny.
Yeah, real unfortunate.
And we've been hiding out here ever since the disgrace at Duck Ridge.
We've managed to keep our whereabouts a secret.
We salvaged what we could to help us survive.
That was the Merriquack, our river patrol boat during the war.
We haven't set foot out of this cave since That lousy, rotten, bungling polecat McQuack lost us the Battle of Duck Ridge! Sorry, son.
It's not a pleasant memory for us.
Ah, even I have unpleasant memories.
Luckily, I don't remember them.
Ah, here's young Billy.
This here's Huey, Dewey, and Louie, Doofus, and a guy that looks like General Rhubarb McQuack.
Ain't.
Young Billy here is our bugle boy.
Young? I lied about my age so I could join the army.
And I can still blow a charge as good as when That lousy, rotten, bungling polecat McQuack lost us the Battle of Duck Ridge! You, uh, sure you fellas haven't been in this cave too long? Halt! Who goes there? Over here, Eagle Eye.
Whew! You fellers sure can move fast! Old Eagle Eye here's our lookout.
Look out! See what I mean? He used to be able to see a flea on the nose of a distant dog.
- I can still see as good as when - I know, I know.
That lousy, rotten, bungling polecat McQuack lost us the Battle of Duck Ridge! These guys are really in a rut.
- Where you going, Eagle Eye? - We got visitors.
I ain't got time for visitin'! I'm on guard duty! I'm off duty in two hours, ma'am.
Grace, look out! The roof's falling in! - Run for it! - Follow me, men! Not again! We've got to save the Merriquack! There ain't no way we can show ourselves in Duck Ridge.
The shame is too great.
Guess there's no place we can go.
All because of a goof-up by my not-so-great-great-grandfather.
Ahem.
Men? Men! I cannot change what happened in that battle long ago, but I can give you a second chance.
And give the name of McQuack a second chance as well.
Tomorrow on Duck Ridge - You're pointing the wrong way.
- Oh.
Tomorrow on Duck Ridge You're still pointing the wrong way.
Tomorrow they will reenact the Battle of Duck Ridge, commemorating your defeat.
We're gonna give them their battle.
Oh, yeah.
But this time, Launchpad McQuack is gonna lead the charge! Ye-eow! You sure he ain't General Rhubarb McQuack? I guess it just runs in the family.
Ha ha.
All these people are expecting Launchpad to lose this battle, like General Rhubarb McQuack did.
Yeah, but we're gonna show them what would've happened if Launchpad was really there.
Heh heh.
Uh, are you sure this is gonna work? Hey, fellas, there's lemonade back here.
Lemonade? Well, what do you know? All these years, and we still kept up with the styles.
Phase one has begun! I trust you gentlemen both know your parts.
However, should there be a problem, I will prompt you from the script.
I will lead my brave soldiers forward to the humili uh, defeat of McQuack's Marauders.
Do it again, DuBark.
We'll just see about that.
Uh, testing, one, two, three.
Soldiers to your places.
Remember, Launchpad, you're not supposed to do anything.
That way there won't be a chance for history to repeat itself.
Now don't you worry, little buddy.
Ha! We can't lose.
Hey, you never lose, Launchpad.
Except at cards.
And sports.
And checkers.
Oh, yeah, and video games.
And then there's Ladies and gentlemen And I do mean ladies and gentlemen of the highest order.
I take great honor in saying, let the Battle of Duck Ridge begin! Forward march! Let's kick 'em in the pants! "Kick him in the" I do not believe that that is in the script.
Uh, Mr.
McQuack - I say, ahem, General McQuack - that is not in the script! - Hey, what's going on? - My microphone is dead! What does that lunatic McQuack think he's doing? None of this is in the script! We've got 'em where we've always wanted 'em, boys! Hang on, men! Your leader is coming to join you! Launchpad! Don't do it! Uh-oh! Charge! Now that's in the script! Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa! Get 'em, men! Attack while McQuack's down! Or should I say "up"? Gotta get some altitude! The grits are loaded in the cannon! It's time for the second charge! Hurry! The old brake is rusted! It won't budge! Look out! Yaah-ha-ha-ha-hoo-ee! Huh? You did it, Launchpad! You started the second charge! Take a taste of this, you ornery polecats! Say, it's grits! Sir, we surrender.
Well, it's agreed.
No longer will we celebrate the humiliation of these honorable soldiers.
After all, they were at the real Battle of Duck Ridge, and we weren't.
Speak for yourself, sonny.
Now we all know how you gentlemen must have felt.
Gentlemen? Is he talking to us? You have suffered long enough, so we of Duck Ridge would like to welcome you into our community for good.
Hey, where's Doofus? Over here, fellas! Say "cheese"! Cheese! Oh General Rhubarb McQuack would sure be proud!