Milo Murphy's Law (2016) s01e27 Episode Script
Some Like It Yacht
1 [TITLE MUSIC.]
# Look at that sun Look at that sky # # Look at my sweater vest I look so fly # # Look at that mailbox Look at that tree # # It's about as beautiful as it can be # # Whoa # Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Whoa - # We're all livin' in it # - # Whoa # Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # [BRAKES SQUEAL.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Okay children, watch your step.
Everybody go down there and line up at the end of the dock.
Joni, watch out for the [JONI EXCLAIMS.]
- [SPLASHING.]
Okay, never mind.
- JONI: I'm okay.
This is going to be the best field trip ever! There better not be any flying fish.
I just hope it doesn't end up like the teacher's convention - last year in Seattle.
- Right? You know, us Murphys love the sea.
My great-great-grandfather was the captain of the S.
S.
Murphy.
- But it was lost.
- You mean it sank? No, just lost.
He came down to the dock one day and it was gone.
We think he left the keys in it.
Okay, kids, this is it.
The reason there's no school lunch program and the reason you have to bring your own toilet paper to school.
I give you the school board's very own yacht, the Indulgence.
[ALL GASP.]
[CAMERAS CLICKING.]
[KEYPADS TAPPING.]
[CELL PHONES CHIMING.]
ALL: Hmm.
The school board thinks we can justify the expense if we use it as a "teaching aide.
" [INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
I just want to go on record that Milo plus boat I've never been on a boat that wasn't sinking before! - [LAUGHS.]
Whoo! - equals bad idea.
[NERVOUSLY.]
Uh MURAWSKI: Oh, children, gather around.
We're about to bring in our first sample of marine life.
Oh, isn't he cu Can anyone identify this? Seriously, what is this? Because I cannot see a thing.
- I think that's a squid.
- Oh, how nice.
So can anyone tell me what this is? [SLURPS.]
MILO: I'm telling you, if it's a yacht it has a galley full of food.
It's probably right down [ALL GASP.]
Wow! ALL: Whoa! Have you ever seen a spread like this? I don't know where to begin.
- I do.
Alphabetically.
- Milo? What are you doing down here in the Oh, my goodness.
[SENSUAL MUSIC.]
Oh Hello, beautiful.
I'm Bradley.
What's your name? No, no, let me guess.
It's Carla, isn't it? Yes, I'm gonna call you Carla.
COACH MITCHELL: [LAUGHS.]
Look at me now! You can take away my driver's license, but you can't stop me from steering a boat! Hey, Coach, you want one? Whoa, whoa, whoa! Be careful with that.
These controls are very sensitive.
I mean, look at this red button.
It's been blinking since we got on board.
Look at that baby go! - [LAUGHS.]
Blink, blink - Did you guys see the omelet station? MILO: [IN SLOW-MO.]
Ahhh! [IN SLOW-MO.]
Nooo! [CHUCKLES.]
That's not so bad.
That could've been a whole [GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMS.]
[SQUAWKING.]
Help me! [WHIMPERS.]
[CRASHING.]
[SNAPS.]
[COACH MITCHELL SCREAMS.]
Get it off me! [CONTINUES SCREAMING.]
- Hey, where'd you guys get those? - Down in the galley.
They got root beer, and ice cream Yeah, the ice cream machine may be in use.
[SQUAWKING.]
[BUTTONS BEEPING.]
[SCREECHING.]
[SQUAWKING.]
[ALL GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMING.]
You get the breeze In your hair And the sweet salt air When you're out on the open sea You can be my first mate 'Cause my ship is in shape Won't you come take a trip with me [SCREAMS.]
We've got nothing to lose Let's just go for a cruise - # I can teach you ichthyology # - Huh? Just sailing along with me on the open sea Just sailing along with me on the open [CRASHING.]
[GROANS, THUDS.]
What did we run into? Hey, it's the S.
S.
Murphy! We found it! Grandpa will be so happy.
- Are you children okay? - MELISSA: Uh-huh.
- Fine and dandy! - Yeah! That's more than I can say for the Indulgence.
Her navigation system and radio are shot.
- We're stranded? - We'll starve! - We're gonna have to sleep outside! - There's no cell service! Actually, I'm okay with it.
So, we're lost and no one knows where we are? - That's my worst nightmare! - What about flying fish? Okay, it's my second worst nightmare! Okay, I know things look bad, especially since we have the walking disaster magnet on board.
She's talking about me! But if we all just stay calm and keep together, everything will be okay.
I'm going native.
Who's with me? [MIMICS ANIMAL NOISES.]
Okay, children.
[CHITTERING.]
I appear to be having a small problem with the faculty.
I'll be back Uh, so Free period! Try not to eat each other! Okay, then.
Now, everybody just stay calm.
The last thing we want to do right now is freak out.
[CREAKS, SCREAMS.]
What's going on? I was just taking a little nap to get out of the noonday sun.
Mr.
Drako, the ship ran aground, the radio's broken and the rest of the teachers ran off into the jungle.
Sounds like our teacher convention last year in Seattle.
[LAUGHS.]
No, seriously, it was just like that.
But don't panic.
We will just set off a signal flare and see if anyone notices.
Hmm.
Okay, kids.
Now is the time to panic! [STUDENTS SCREAMING.]
Okay.
Nobody tell Grandpa about this.
Now, children, don't worry your pretty little necks.
- Heads.
- Heads.
I'm sure that Principal Milder has everything under control.
The time has come for you to present your tribute.
Oh, Great Milwa, I bring you tribute.
Your tribute pleases me not.
- The rest will bring tribute.
- COACH MITCHELL: No! I invoke the right of Krum-Hai! ALL: Ooh.
You challenge me? Bring it on, Mitchell.
Don't remember those in Seattle.
[ULULATING.]
ALL: [CHANTING.]
Krum-Hai! Krum-Hai! Sometimes I wonder what became of the young ones.
[COACH MITCHELL GRUNTING.]
[CONTINUE CHANTING.]
MILO: Okay, Melissa.
What have you got to report? Our scouting party found a fresh water spring three clicks past Dead Man's Bluff.
Excellent.
I have no idea what a click is.
But there's a bamboo outcropping on the North Ridge.
You can use that to build pipes for an aqueduct.
Zack, how's it going sealing up the hole? The mixture of flour, milk, sugar, butter and ice cream turned out to be a highly effective sealant.
Oh, so the mess in the Mess Hall proved useful after all! Yup, but we are still washing the Carla off of Bradley.
[SOBBING.]
Carla! Now, we just have to figure out a way to get the yacht back into the water.
[DIOGEE BARKS.]
Diogee? Diogee! How'd you get here? WOMAN: Hey, look at this.
My almanac says there's going to be a freakish high tide today.
Glad I'm not stranded on an island somewhere.
I'll get from here to there You can count on me It's just a matter of time I'll get from here to there Don't worry, baby You know I'm on my way Don't worry, baby Don't worry, baby Don't you make yourself crazy I'll be there any day ZACK: Now we just have to figure out a way to get the yacht back into the water.
[BARKS.]
Diogee? Diogee! How'd you get here? - What's he doing? - I think he's having a flashback.
[BARKS.]
What is it, boy? MILO: My old weather almanac.
According to this, today there'll be a super, mega high tide which only happens once every 50 years.
ZACK: Yeah, uh, what does that mean? It means it happens and then it happens again in 50 years.
- Dude, really? - Oh, um, it It means we're about to be underwater in about ten minutes.
- That's horrible! - Not if we're in the boat.
The high tide will lift the yacht right off this island.
- MELISSA: What about the teachers? - Now, that's horrible! Uh, everyone, we've got to find the teachers and get them back on this boat! And we've got [SLURPS.]
nine minutes and 39 seconds.
Why can't I knock you over? You've got, like, twice your body weight! I'm a middle school principal! [RUSTLING.]
[CAMERA CLICKS.]
This one's going in the yearbook.
Um, while I admire the rich culture that you've created in [SLURPS.]
forty-five minutes, we've got to get you back to the boat! [GRUNTS.]
Do not give orders.
I wield the scepter of Krum-Hai! [BARKS.]
Okay, now, the dog has it.
ALL: We must do as he bids.
For he has the scepter! "The floppy-eared one will be our leader!" I know, right? MURAWSKI: He has the scepter! He is the chosen one! [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
We don't have time for this! The island will be under water any second now! Why should we believe you? I invoke the right of Krum [ALL SCREAMING.]
- The high tide! - MELISSA: It's working! Everyone, hold on! Oh, the island spirits are wrathful! - I invoke the right of Krum - Yeah.
We're not doing that anymore.
Get it off! Get it off! Flying fish! Flying fish! [SCREAMING.]
[ON SPEAKER.]
Congratulations go to the S.
S.
Indulgence.
You're the winners of the Jefferson G.
County Surf Competition.
A boat can't win a surf competition.
That's like a washing machine winning a beauty pageant! MAN: A washing machine can't win a beauty pageant.
It's like a cardboard box being appointed to the Supreme Court.
Actually, I am okay with it! Well, apparently a boat can win a surf competition.
It just doesn't come up very often.
And, well, here's your prize money $58, 212.
That's just enough money to fix the yacht.
- With $2 left over! - We can buy a candy bar and a half! You know, guys, I think we handled ourselves - pretty well out there today.
- Yes, we did.
BRADLEY: [CRYING.]
Carla! Carla! Bradley, there's a guy selling ice cream right there on the beach.
BRADLEY: [TEARFULLY.]
It's not the same! [MUSIC.]
We're all livin' in it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go MILO: # Oh, thanks, everybody! That is so motivational.
# Go, Milo Go, Milo, go Whoa I'm not sitting here watching the world turn You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go It's my world and we're all livin' in it
# Look at that sun Look at that sky # # Look at my sweater vest I look so fly # # Look at that mailbox Look at that tree # # It's about as beautiful as it can be # # Whoa # Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Whoa - # We're all livin' in it # - # Whoa # Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # [BRAKES SQUEAL.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Okay children, watch your step.
Everybody go down there and line up at the end of the dock.
Joni, watch out for the [JONI EXCLAIMS.]
- [SPLASHING.]
Okay, never mind.
- JONI: I'm okay.
This is going to be the best field trip ever! There better not be any flying fish.
I just hope it doesn't end up like the teacher's convention - last year in Seattle.
- Right? You know, us Murphys love the sea.
My great-great-grandfather was the captain of the S.
S.
Murphy.
- But it was lost.
- You mean it sank? No, just lost.
He came down to the dock one day and it was gone.
We think he left the keys in it.
Okay, kids, this is it.
The reason there's no school lunch program and the reason you have to bring your own toilet paper to school.
I give you the school board's very own yacht, the Indulgence.
[ALL GASP.]
[CAMERAS CLICKING.]
[KEYPADS TAPPING.]
[CELL PHONES CHIMING.]
ALL: Hmm.
The school board thinks we can justify the expense if we use it as a "teaching aide.
" [INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
I just want to go on record that Milo plus boat I've never been on a boat that wasn't sinking before! - [LAUGHS.]
Whoo! - equals bad idea.
[NERVOUSLY.]
Uh MURAWSKI: Oh, children, gather around.
We're about to bring in our first sample of marine life.
Oh, isn't he cu Can anyone identify this? Seriously, what is this? Because I cannot see a thing.
- I think that's a squid.
- Oh, how nice.
So can anyone tell me what this is? [SLURPS.]
MILO: I'm telling you, if it's a yacht it has a galley full of food.
It's probably right down [ALL GASP.]
Wow! ALL: Whoa! Have you ever seen a spread like this? I don't know where to begin.
- I do.
Alphabetically.
- Milo? What are you doing down here in the Oh, my goodness.
[SENSUAL MUSIC.]
Oh Hello, beautiful.
I'm Bradley.
What's your name? No, no, let me guess.
It's Carla, isn't it? Yes, I'm gonna call you Carla.
COACH MITCHELL: [LAUGHS.]
Look at me now! You can take away my driver's license, but you can't stop me from steering a boat! Hey, Coach, you want one? Whoa, whoa, whoa! Be careful with that.
These controls are very sensitive.
I mean, look at this red button.
It's been blinking since we got on board.
Look at that baby go! - [LAUGHS.]
Blink, blink - Did you guys see the omelet station? MILO: [IN SLOW-MO.]
Ahhh! [IN SLOW-MO.]
Nooo! [CHUCKLES.]
That's not so bad.
That could've been a whole [GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMS.]
[SQUAWKING.]
Help me! [WHIMPERS.]
[CRASHING.]
[SNAPS.]
[COACH MITCHELL SCREAMS.]
Get it off me! [CONTINUES SCREAMING.]
- Hey, where'd you guys get those? - Down in the galley.
They got root beer, and ice cream Yeah, the ice cream machine may be in use.
[SQUAWKING.]
[BUTTONS BEEPING.]
[SCREECHING.]
[SQUAWKING.]
[ALL GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMING.]
You get the breeze In your hair And the sweet salt air When you're out on the open sea You can be my first mate 'Cause my ship is in shape Won't you come take a trip with me [SCREAMS.]
We've got nothing to lose Let's just go for a cruise - # I can teach you ichthyology # - Huh? Just sailing along with me on the open sea Just sailing along with me on the open [CRASHING.]
[GROANS, THUDS.]
What did we run into? Hey, it's the S.
S.
Murphy! We found it! Grandpa will be so happy.
- Are you children okay? - MELISSA: Uh-huh.
- Fine and dandy! - Yeah! That's more than I can say for the Indulgence.
Her navigation system and radio are shot.
- We're stranded? - We'll starve! - We're gonna have to sleep outside! - There's no cell service! Actually, I'm okay with it.
So, we're lost and no one knows where we are? - That's my worst nightmare! - What about flying fish? Okay, it's my second worst nightmare! Okay, I know things look bad, especially since we have the walking disaster magnet on board.
She's talking about me! But if we all just stay calm and keep together, everything will be okay.
I'm going native.
Who's with me? [MIMICS ANIMAL NOISES.]
Okay, children.
[CHITTERING.]
I appear to be having a small problem with the faculty.
I'll be back Uh, so Free period! Try not to eat each other! Okay, then.
Now, everybody just stay calm.
The last thing we want to do right now is freak out.
[CREAKS, SCREAMS.]
What's going on? I was just taking a little nap to get out of the noonday sun.
Mr.
Drako, the ship ran aground, the radio's broken and the rest of the teachers ran off into the jungle.
Sounds like our teacher convention last year in Seattle.
[LAUGHS.]
No, seriously, it was just like that.
But don't panic.
We will just set off a signal flare and see if anyone notices.
Hmm.
Okay, kids.
Now is the time to panic! [STUDENTS SCREAMING.]
Okay.
Nobody tell Grandpa about this.
Now, children, don't worry your pretty little necks.
- Heads.
- Heads.
I'm sure that Principal Milder has everything under control.
The time has come for you to present your tribute.
Oh, Great Milwa, I bring you tribute.
Your tribute pleases me not.
- The rest will bring tribute.
- COACH MITCHELL: No! I invoke the right of Krum-Hai! ALL: Ooh.
You challenge me? Bring it on, Mitchell.
Don't remember those in Seattle.
[ULULATING.]
ALL: [CHANTING.]
Krum-Hai! Krum-Hai! Sometimes I wonder what became of the young ones.
[COACH MITCHELL GRUNTING.]
[CONTINUE CHANTING.]
MILO: Okay, Melissa.
What have you got to report? Our scouting party found a fresh water spring three clicks past Dead Man's Bluff.
Excellent.
I have no idea what a click is.
But there's a bamboo outcropping on the North Ridge.
You can use that to build pipes for an aqueduct.
Zack, how's it going sealing up the hole? The mixture of flour, milk, sugar, butter and ice cream turned out to be a highly effective sealant.
Oh, so the mess in the Mess Hall proved useful after all! Yup, but we are still washing the Carla off of Bradley.
[SOBBING.]
Carla! Now, we just have to figure out a way to get the yacht back into the water.
[DIOGEE BARKS.]
Diogee? Diogee! How'd you get here? WOMAN: Hey, look at this.
My almanac says there's going to be a freakish high tide today.
Glad I'm not stranded on an island somewhere.
I'll get from here to there You can count on me It's just a matter of time I'll get from here to there Don't worry, baby You know I'm on my way Don't worry, baby Don't worry, baby Don't you make yourself crazy I'll be there any day ZACK: Now we just have to figure out a way to get the yacht back into the water.
[BARKS.]
Diogee? Diogee! How'd you get here? - What's he doing? - I think he's having a flashback.
[BARKS.]
What is it, boy? MILO: My old weather almanac.
According to this, today there'll be a super, mega high tide which only happens once every 50 years.
ZACK: Yeah, uh, what does that mean? It means it happens and then it happens again in 50 years.
- Dude, really? - Oh, um, it It means we're about to be underwater in about ten minutes.
- That's horrible! - Not if we're in the boat.
The high tide will lift the yacht right off this island.
- MELISSA: What about the teachers? - Now, that's horrible! Uh, everyone, we've got to find the teachers and get them back on this boat! And we've got [SLURPS.]
nine minutes and 39 seconds.
Why can't I knock you over? You've got, like, twice your body weight! I'm a middle school principal! [RUSTLING.]
[CAMERA CLICKS.]
This one's going in the yearbook.
Um, while I admire the rich culture that you've created in [SLURPS.]
forty-five minutes, we've got to get you back to the boat! [GRUNTS.]
Do not give orders.
I wield the scepter of Krum-Hai! [BARKS.]
Okay, now, the dog has it.
ALL: We must do as he bids.
For he has the scepter! "The floppy-eared one will be our leader!" I know, right? MURAWSKI: He has the scepter! He is the chosen one! [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
We don't have time for this! The island will be under water any second now! Why should we believe you? I invoke the right of Krum [ALL SCREAMING.]
- The high tide! - MELISSA: It's working! Everyone, hold on! Oh, the island spirits are wrathful! - I invoke the right of Krum - Yeah.
We're not doing that anymore.
Get it off! Get it off! Flying fish! Flying fish! [SCREAMING.]
[ON SPEAKER.]
Congratulations go to the S.
S.
Indulgence.
You're the winners of the Jefferson G.
County Surf Competition.
A boat can't win a surf competition.
That's like a washing machine winning a beauty pageant! MAN: A washing machine can't win a beauty pageant.
It's like a cardboard box being appointed to the Supreme Court.
Actually, I am okay with it! Well, apparently a boat can win a surf competition.
It just doesn't come up very often.
And, well, here's your prize money $58, 212.
That's just enough money to fix the yacht.
- With $2 left over! - We can buy a candy bar and a half! You know, guys, I think we handled ourselves - pretty well out there today.
- Yes, we did.
BRADLEY: [CRYING.]
Carla! Carla! Bradley, there's a guy selling ice cream right there on the beach.
BRADLEY: [TEARFULLY.]
It's not the same! [MUSIC.]
We're all livin' in it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go MILO: # Oh, thanks, everybody! That is so motivational.
# Go, Milo Go, Milo, go Whoa I'm not sitting here watching the world turn You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go It's my world and we're all livin' in it