The Wild Wild West (1965) s01e27 Episode Script

Wowee.
Gosh.
Don't break it.
Need a hand with this bag, ma'am? Sir, I don't know you.
The very idea.
Wow.
I want a room- a big one.
Yes, ma'am.
And you mind your tongue.
It's Miss Miss Kitten Twitty.
Yes, Miss Twitty.
Thank you.
Well, well? Kitten Twitty.
Well, don't just stand there.
Get my key.
Oh, yes, the key.
Yes, ma'am.
About time.
Excuse me, ma'am, may I help? Looks heavy.
Well, that's very kind of you.
It is awfully heavy and me just out of the hospital.
Thank you.
Whoo! Be careful, careful.
It's got my French perfumes - very fragile.
I'm sorry.
That's all right.
I'm in room eight.
My, I hope it's safe here.
Oh, it is safe.
I'm in room nine.
Oh, that's right next to mine.
I wonder what the period's for.
Oh, this is a lovely room.
Where would you like me to, uh Oh, over on the bed.
Fine.
That's very sweet of you.
Right up there.
Be careful now.
They're very fragile.
Thank you.
Oh, that's so nice of you.
This is a nice room, isn't it? Won't you sit down? Oh, no, thank you.
I was just on my way across the street to get some shaving soap.
Well, maybe we can visit later.
Maybe.
Toodle-oo.
Bye.
livelong day I've been working on the railroad Just to pass the time away Don't you hear the Rise up so early in the morning Can't you hear the captain shouting "Dinah, blow your" "Dinah, blow your" "Dinah, blow your" "Dinah, blow your horn" "Dinah, won't you blow" "Dinah, won't you blow" "Dinah, won't you" He's coming, he's coming.
No, no, don't get up.
You're not supposed to stand on your leg any more than you have to.
That's why I brought the wheelchair for you.
Are you quite sure he needed a shave? Oh, yes.
And I fixed the water just the way you told me to.
Hmm.
Then we're all ready for him, aren't we? Mmm.
Oh, Kitten, the things that are going to happen to his mind are fantastic.
The strange things he'll see.
I've just shoved him through a door into a world without rhyme or reason.
His eyes will believe what his mind tells him to believe and, oh, what his mind will say.
Just imagine- now I'm finally powerful enough to control the mind of the invincible James West.
Those whom the gods will destroy, they first make mad.
Ooh.
Shh Sorry.
Come here.
Kitten, do you know what's about to happen? Something so vast as to stagger the imagination.
Alexander the Great, Caesar, Napoleon, all the great conquests of history- mere child's play compared to what I've just started in that room with a shaving brush.
Now With the two ounces I just put into his washbasin a few minutes ago, he's had the maximum dose and he'll have no further need for this for a while, anyway.
Oh, Kitten.
It's so amusing- the way men pride themselves on being civilized.
But just four ounces of this, mixed with water, absorbed through the skin, and good-bye, adieu, ta-ta to all that veneer of civilization they prize so highly.
Dissolved.
And what emerges is the true nature of man- the primitive, murderous animal he really is, with absolutely no control over his feelings- a selfish beast.
I wanted a candy, Kitten, and you've eaten all of them.
Now, I had my heart set on a Ooh fudge! Fudge, fudge! Fudge! Well, my dear friend.
Ha'penny for your thoughts.
Now, don't spoil it, Mr.
West.
You're so impulsive.
Now, here we are, two old friends who haven't seen each other for such a long time, and you want to fight right off.
Not even a hello, Mr.
West? I, for one, am overjoyed to see you.
So much so that perhaps I shan't even kill you right at this moment.
I'll wait ten seconds or so, perhaps.
Time enough for me to sit here and enjoy your company.
Ten precious seconds.
What seems to be the trouble, partner? Did you see him? Where'd he go? I didn't see nothing except you come barging out of the hotel with your shooting iron in your hand.
What's wrong? Nothing.
Nothing? He must be crazy.
Nothing? Huh? Hey, Jim.
Just let me get my bags, huh? Would you mind punching me? Well, I'd be happy to oblige.
Tell me why.
I just want to be sure I'm here.
You're here.
You all right? Why? You know, you look, uh pale.
Naw, it's just a headache, a bad headache.
I'll tell you about it in the room.
It's next to mine.
Yeah.
You sure you're okay? I'm not sure of anything.
I told you not to jump up and down.
Oh, Kitten, forget about that.
Now, to make a man kill the thing he loves, that requires genius.
And I know what's going to happen, Kitten.
I've tested it, I can predict it.
Tonight, the good and loyal Mr.
West will shoot his best friend, Mr.
Gordon and kill him.
Three times we've caught him, and each time he's managed to get away.
Just doesn't seem to be a jail built strong enough to hold him.
And just when we think we've got him nailed, boom, up he pops somewhere else.
As a result, you're obsessed with him, that's all.
Got him on your mind constantly; you see him everywhere, I can understand it.
All right, so I'm seeing things.
This, uh, poster that you got with this note written on the back- "Meet me at 8:00 in the abandoned shed behind the stables and I'll turn Dr.
Loveless over to you.
" Artie, I know what it says.
I, uh, had the handwriting analyzed, Jim.
It was written by none other than the little doctor himself.
Why don't I go get a doctor? No.
I'm all right.
No, I'm not all right.
We're not going to go to that shed tonight with me like this- it's too risky.
If it was anybody else, I'd go, but Dr.
Loveless isn't anybody else.
Tell you what, I'll go over there right now and take a look; you get some rest.
Okay, I'll go with you.
No, what for? The rest will do you good.
I said I'll go with you.
You're sure? All right.
Jim? Aren't you forgetting something? Hold it, Jim.
Hold it! Why are you running? He could already be in there waiting.
You're right.
It would be like him to think ten steps ahead.
Well he's got to come through this door, and we'll be waiting for him.
One of us should stay all afternoon in case he comes early.
I'll do it.
You go on back to the hotel, take care of that headache.
Artie! What is it? Nothing.
Listen go on back to the hotel, will you? I'll wait here for Loveless.
Call it off, you can't do it alone.
Says who? I'll be fine.
You can't do it alone; you'll need help.
Jim, you're in no condition to stay.
Then you wait until I'm ready! And let Loveless get away? What do you want to be, a hero? Hey it's me, remember? Artemus Gordon, Mrs.
Gordon's son.
I'm sorry.
For a moment, Artie, you it was almost like I hated you.
Yeah, sure.
Come on, I'll walk you back to the hotel.
Jim put out that lantern.
Is that an order? What's the matter with you? You want him to spot us? Put out that lantern.
Get down! Jim? He's out there.
You want to get shot?! We'll wait for him.
When he comes in, we'll get him.
Get out of my way.
I am not letting you out of here in this state.
I said get out of my way.
No.
Why? Call the sheriff; I just killed my friend.
His name's Artemus Gordon.
He got off the stage this morning.
What are you talking about? There was no stage this morning.
It doesn't come in till tomorrow morning.
What are you talking about? I met the stage myself.
I saw him.
He's got the room next to mine.
Believe me, there was no stagecoach in this morning.
Uh, your friend isn't here.
I've got his room down for tomorrow.
Look for yourself.
He isn't dead, is he? No, but he'll soon wish he were dead.
But we won't let him die, will we, Kitten? Not for a long, long time.
Oh, how he's going to beg for it.
Whoa! Mr.
Gordon? Yeah.
Well, I'm the hotel clerk here.
Uh, it's about your friend.
Uh, is anything wrong? Well, maybe we'd better talk inside.
Yeah.
All right, something is wrong, what is it? Well, a lady, uh, a Miss Kitty Twitty took your friend to the hospital last night.
Why, is he hurt? No, sir, it's worse than that.
What do you mean? Well, he went mad.
What? Yeah, stark-raving mad.
He was running around out there in the street and a-waving his gun and talking to himself.
And then he comes rushing in here last night and he tried to tell me that he killed Killed who? Well, he claimed that he killed you.
Me? Yeah.
Oh, excuse me, I got to tend to these folks first.
I'll be right back.
There is no escape, Mr.
West.
Ultimately, we are all prisoners, are we not, Mr.
West? Because we cannot escape ourselves.
Stone walls are never so much a prison as the skin that surrounds each of us.
Man's fate.
My friend there is a deaf-mute.
That's his prison.
But for you some sherry.
It will do you good.
It's safe.
I imagine you're bursting with questions.
You'll tell me.
How can you be so sure? Because I know you.
You're always talking about yourself.
Bragging.
That's preposterous.
I'm not a petty man.
I'm a scientist.
I've trained, disciplined myself to be serenely dispassionate.
To accuse me of bragging you may as well accuse the sun of being egocentric because it shines.
Mm-hmm.
Really, you can be quite exasperating.
What kind of remark is that? "Mm-hmm.
" I'm not quite sure why I put up with you.
Because you need me.
I need you? Now who's being egocentric? I don't need you.
I don't need anyone.
I have myself.
You were an experiment only.
And the experiment succeeded.
Beautifully.
But I can discard you any time I wish.
Aren't you even curious about the experiment? No.
Not even if I should tell you that with it, I can own America- all of it? No.
Not even if I should tell you that with it, I can kill every man, woman and child in America? No.
That's what I am going to do- kill every man, woman and child in America.
Now, what do you think of that? Here- let me help you up the stairs, may I? Oh Our visiting hours are over, Mr.
Gordon.
But I think, for you, we can make an exception.
Jim! Hey, Artie.
Is that really you? Yeah, in the badly bruised flesh.
Who were you expecting, President Grant? But but I thought I shot you.
You've done a lot of things to me in your time, but you never got around to that.
Hey, what's the matter? I remember.
That great experiment Dr.
Loveless was talking about.
He did it to me.
Hallucinations.
He made me think that I shot you.
And he's planning to use it on every man and woman in this country- make them kill each other.
Isn't that kind of a big order, even for Loveless? But it worked! It worked on me.
It nearly drove me out of my mind.
Yeah, but everybody? Millions of people? Ah how? I don't know.
But we're going to find out.
When he talks to you, don't pay any attention, and then he'll tell us everything.
Well, Mr.
Doubting Thomas, now that your friend is here, perhaps I can show you a few things.
No.
I'm not interested.
Well, then be interested.
Oh, no, you're not going to tell us about another one of those silly inventions of yours.
Silly? Yes.
I'll show you.
Here we go.
Kitten, mix that with some of that.
Now, be careful you don't get any on your hands.
Some of my powder that I used to mix in his shaving water yesterday morning.
You know what happened to you.
Perhaps you would like to be convinced, huh? Hold out your hand.
All right.
It can work on Artie.
What does it prove? You made one of your usual boasts.
You said it could work on everybody - millions of people.
That's preposterous.
It's not preposterous.
I can show you how it'll work on large groups of people.
Kitten the wine the staff is having for supper tonight- mix that in it.
But, Doctor, we can't we Never mind.
I'll do it myself.
It goes very well with wine, you know.
You'll find out for yourselves at supper tonight.
Kitten how many people on this staff? Twenty.
just like that, to prove a point.
He doesn't mean it.
He's he's just trying to scare you.
But they're all loyal to him.
He knows that.
He just wants to kill the others.
The others includes you.
No.
You don't understand.
He love he likes me.
He he's promised to make me make me pretty.
Loyalty doesn't mean a thing to him, Kitten.
Please believe me- you're next! What are you doing in here? I thought you'd be in the dining room.
It'd be great sport, watching 20 men and women tear themselves apart.
He's only playing with you, having his little joke.
He wouldn't do a thing like that.
Things are going right on schedule.
You'll see, Mr.
Doubting Thomas.
Look at him, Artie.
Men are about to murder each other.
Look at him over there with Antoinette.
Like a couple of turtle doves.
You know, uh, she may be the only thing in the world that he really cares about.
Well, she is very pretty.
Mmm.
Lullaby and good night Let's eat.
With roses bedight With lilies bestead is baby's wee bed Lay thee down now and rest now and rest, may thy slumber Lay thee down now and rest May thy slumber be blessed.
You are invincible.
Is there anything you cannot do, are there any worlds you cannot make to live in? No, none.
The world I wish for is the world I shall have.
You have spoken.
Kitty, the door, please.
You may have to clean up a bit of mess, dear.
This is too solemn a moment for gloating, Mr.
West.
I feel no wish to boast.
Do you know what tomorrow is? No.
The end of winter.
Tomorrow, everywhere except in the breast of man, the chill will begin to thaw.
Small things, so fragile, will be born again.
So much promise.
And by the end of spring, the promise will have flowered.
Mr.
West, you cannot know the deep hurt one can feel when the seed cannot reach its full flowering.
For in the summer, man comes.
Man comes to crush and maim and kill all that spring has given birth to.
So summer must not come, nor man.
Man must be destroyed.
But there are millions of people in the country - how? Why, the water, Mr.
West, the water from which all life comes, and from which now death must come.
There are ponds and lakes all over this area.
My friend here and his friends- thousands of them- come here every winter.
Tomorrow, they will return to their homes, their hills and ponds and lakes all over America.
Each one will carry a pellet of my powder.
The pellet will melt, bringing death into every home.
The world will be made innocent again.
The world? Other people in other countries also use water, Mr.
West.
I intend to travel.
And, uh, when do we get killed? Oh, soon.
Don't be impatient.
You know, he has really gone insane.
Artie, you look a little peaked.
How about a snack? I appreciate your concern.
Right now, I'd rather worry about Dr.
Loveless.
Worry and eat.
We need a weapon, don't we? What are you going to do, choke him to death on a bone? Something like that.
Well, fortunately, I never get enough turkey.
Would you mind telling me what you've got in mind? Oh, just an idea.
I need a little time to work it out.
You wouldn't have any giblet gravy in your pocket, would you? Ever kill a man with giblet gravy? That's the best turkey I ever ate.
That ought to be sharp enough.
That's perfect.
Load it, Artie.
Easy on the suspenders, friend, huh? That's the only pair I've got.
Hope they fit.
I'll be back for the rest of you in a few minutes! Don't want to leave anyone out- not one! Today is for all of us! It's useless to try and shoot this lock off.
Kitten! Kitten, come here.
Kitten, you've got to let us out of here.
We have to stop him.
Oh, he only wants to make the world beautiful again.
How, by killing people- his own friends? He didn't do it.
They killed each other.
The medicine only made them what they really are- evil.
He's the one that's evil.
He doesn't just hate people.
He hates life itself.
Well, can you blame the poor little one? I know he can do it.
He can do an operation.
He can make pretty faces, and pretty bodies where there was only ugliness before.
He said it to me.
"I know, Kitten.
"I know what it's like to have men laugh at you.
I don't ever want that to happen to you again," he said.
I believe him! He knows what it's like.
All right, he can do all that.
But what good is it being beautiful when there's nobody around to notice it, Kitten? The men send flowers, gifts, jewelry.
And with their strong arms and their kisses.
You're entitled to love.
And a man of your own picking.
Dead.
All murdered by him.
We've got to stop him, Kitten.
You can't let him kill all your admirers.
Kitten, open the door.
I won't! No, I won't do it! You can't make me do it! I love him.
I love what he is.
I love him, do you hear? He knows what heartbreak is.
He knows what loneliness is.
He knows what it is to live with a hurt that nature herself can't undo.
Kitten, what have you done? I've betrayed him! I've betrayed him! Ooh, soon you'll own the skies now and the ponds and the lakes.
Never again will danger lurk in weeds and rushes.
And marshes will be safe again.
No loud violence from iron and steel and powder.
No sad plummetings from the dawn skies.
No piteous scattering of feathers in the dawn wind.
The evil will be destroyed, I promise you! I promise this to all of you! A world without man.
Man- that ape who pretends to be descended from the angels.
We'll have to grab him.
He may be armed.
And in his insatiable hunger for power, he creates gods in his own image- mind you, in his own image, and chooses to call the universe benevolent.
What arrogance! Where is there benevolence when even a small, helpless, trusting, new life can be twisted heartlessly and condemned to pain and ridicule? We are all born trusting.
We are all born with hope.
And what happens? It is a vicious universe, I tell you.
But with one move of my hand on this lever, I send you forth to rid the world of evil.
Now Loveless! Get away from that! Stay where you are, Mr.
West.
If you shoot me, my hand will move this lever, and the cages will open at once- all of them- and there will be no stopping these ducks.
Artie, I can't hold it! Quickly! Our escape must be now! Hurry, Miguelito- the boat in the lake! Hurry! I think that's it.
Let's go! Do you think they can swim? There's only one way to find out.
I'm afraid, Miguelito! I'm afraid of the water! Antoinette can't swim, and neither can I.
Can you help us? Can you save us? Please, you've got to.
No, I can't swim, either.
I'm afraid, Miguelito! I'm afraid to die! Don't worry, my darling.
Everything will be all right.
We shall both live forever.
It's no good.
I couldn't find a thing.
I couldn't even hit bottom.
They've been there over ten minutes, Jim.
They're dead for sure.
Where Loveless is concerned, I'm not sure about anything.
You just don't want to believe it, that's all.
But he's gone.
Back to the water he always said life came out of.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe hate is as strong a bond as love.
What do you mean? I'll miss him- that little man with the giant rage against the whole universe.
As Kitty said, who can blame the poor little one, huh? Come on.