Total Drama Island (2007) s01e27 Episode Script

1
CHRIS: AH, MORNING IN MUSKOKA.
THE BIRDS CHIRPING, THE LOON CALLING,
THE MAJESTIC, GENTLE SOUNDS OF BEAUTIFUL NORTHERN ONTARIO.
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
WELCOME TO THE MOST DRAMATIC, THRILLING EPISODE YET.
(NOISEMAKER BLOWS)
IT'S BEEN A LONG EIGHT WEEKS AT CAMP WAWANAKWA,
AND "TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND" IS ABOUT TO COME TO AN END.
TODAY, TWO CAMPERS REMAIN.
BY SUNDOWN, ONLY ONE WILL BE LEFT STANDING.
THAT CAMPER WILL GO HOME WITH A CHECK FOR $100,000.
WHO WILL IT BE--
BROODING, UNTANNED ALTERNATIVE ARTIST GWEN
OR THE LARGE AND LOVABLE GOOFBALL OWEN?
GO GRAB A SNACK, HAVE A PEE IF YOU HAVE TO,
SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN, AND GET READY FOR
THE DRAMATIC FINAL CONCLUSION OF "TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND"!
DEAR MOM AND DAD, I'M DOING FINE ♪
YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪
YOU ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪
AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪
I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE TO THE SUN ♪
WELL, PACK YOUR BAGS 'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪
EVERYTHING TO PROVE, NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪
I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪
'CAUSE I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
NAH NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
I WANNA BE, I WANNA BE ♪
I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
I WANNA BE, I WANNA BE ♪
I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
(WHISTLING)
WELCOME BACK.
WE ASKED OUR FINALISTS TO RECORD THEIR THOUGHTS
IN OUR CONFESSIONAL BOOTH
BEFORE GOING INTO THE FINAL ROUND.
I HAD A WICKED TIME!
IT WAS AWESOME.
YEAH! WHO'S THE MAN?!
WHAT WAS IT LIKE BEING HERE FOR EIGHT WEEKS?
IT SUCKED, THAT'S WHAT.
UGH!
YOU THINK IT'S EASY COOKING FOR 22 UNGRATEFUL TEENAGERS?
MAN, I'VE HAD BETTER JOBS IN PRISON.
THE FOOD WAS AWESOME!
AHH!
AT LEAST SOMEONE'S APPRECIATIVE.
SLAVING ALL DAY AT A HOT STOVE.
THE FOOD WAS DISGUSTING.
"LESS RAT DROPPINGS."
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A 5-STAR RESTAURANT TO YOU?
AND THE PEOPLE WERE JUST AWESOME!
THE PEOPLE HERE SUCKED.
THEY WERE NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF BACKSTABBING, MANIPULATIVE,
TWO-TIMING, FAME-HUNGRY, DIM-WITTED,
CERTIFIABLY INSANE, REALLY WEIRD,
PSYCHOTIC, REDNECK, OVERBEARING,
GOODY-GOODY, KNOW-IT-ALL PARTY-OBSESSED JERKS.
(SIGHS)
I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO MEET FIVE PEOPLE
WHO WERE ACTUALLY SANE.
THE ONE THING I'LL BE REMEMBERED FOR?
UH
(FARTING)
I HOPE MY GREAT PERSONALITY.
(FARTS)
WHAT WILL I BE REMEMBERED FOR?
UGH!
MY GREAT PERSONALITY.
OKAY, I'M DONE HERE.
NOW IT'S TIME TO WELCOME THE 20 CAMPERS
WHO DID NOT MAKE IT TO THE FINALS.
HEY, GUYS! (LAUGHS) GOOD TO SEE YA!
WOULD EVERYONE WHO'S WALKED THE DOCK OF SHAME
AND LEFT CAMP ON THE BOAT OF LOSERS
KINDLY TAKE A SEAT IN THE PEANUT GALLERY OF FAILURE?
THE SIDE YOU CHOOSE SHOULD REPRESEN
WHO YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHEER ON TO VICTORY
IN TODAY'S FINAL COMPETITION.
(CHUCKLES) NICE RUG.
OH, BITE ME.
STOP TOUCHING MY HAIR, CRAZY GIRL.
GWEN IS GOING DOWN.
HOW DO I KNOW?
(LAUGHS)
"GOOD LUCK TODAY. LOVE, TRENT."
IT'S AMAZING HOW EASY IT IS TO TAMPER WITH BAKED GOODS.
FAST ACTING FOR STRONG, RELIABLE RELIEF ♪
SUCKER.
WHY IS HEATHER SMILING LIKE THAT?
MAYBE SHE LOVES HER NEW DO.
OR SHE COULD JUST BE REALLY HAPPY FOR US.
WOW, DO YOU EVER HAVE ABOUT ANYONE?
GWEN, OWEN, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE
TO TELL THE PEANUT GALLERY OF FAILURE
WHAT YOU WOULD DO WITH THE MONEY IF YOU WON
AND WHY YOU DESERVE IT.
WELL, I GUESS I'M PRETTY PROUD OF GETTING THIS FAR.
I MEAN, MAYBE IF I CAN SURVIVE HERE,
THE REST OF HIGH SCHOOL WON'T BE SO BAD.
(LAUGHS, SNORTS) OH, SORRY.
WELL, I'M ALWAYS GOOD FOR MY WORD,
AND I DID PROMISE TO SPLIT MY 100 GRAND WITH OWEN,
BUT THAT WOULD STILL LEAVE ME A TON OF CASH.
I GUESS I'D GO TRAVELLING AND THEN TO UNIVERSITY
TO STUDY ART HISTORY.
WHOO! YEAH, THAT'S IT!
GIRLFRIEND'S GOT SOME GOALS!
VERY COOL.
WOW, THAT'S REALLY SWEET.
BORING BUT SWEET. OWEN?
I'D THROW THE BIGGEST, HUGEST, SICKEST PARTY EVER
AND INVITE EVERYONE HERE!
BOOYAH!
(CHEERING)
OWEN! WHOO! WHOO! OWEN!
AT LEAST NOT ALL OF YOU ARE TOTAL SELLOUTS.
OH, OH, AND I FORGOT.
IT'LL BE ON A YACHT!
NICE.
ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME FOR THE FINAL CHALLENGE,
HE REJECTED OLYMPIC RELAY RACE.
EACH OF THE THREE PARTS WAS PITCHED TO THE COMMITTEE
BUT SADLY REJECTED AS AN OLYMPIC SPORT.
FIRST, EACH OF YOU HAS TO PUT ON ONE OF THESE.
I THINK IT'S CLEAR WHY THIS EVENT WASN'T ACCEPTED.
DRESSED AS A COW AND A CHICKEN, RUN TO THE FIRST LOCATION
AND SHIMMY UP THE POLE TO RETRIEVE YOUR FLAG.
IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE FLAG,
DON'T BOTHER COMING DOWN OFF THAT POLE.
OH, THAT'S BE GONNA TO TOUGH FOR THE BIG GUY.
NEXT, YOU'LL CROSS A 300-METER BALANCE BEAM
SUSPENDED ACROSS A MASSIVE GORGE
WHILE CARRYING AN EAGLE'S EGG.
OH. (CHUCKLES)
IS THAT ALL?
NO.
BELOW, YOUR FRIENDS, THE RARE BUT REAL
MAN-EATING FRESHWATER SHARKS.
YOU HAD TO ASK.
THE FINAL LEG OF THE RACE IS A LONG-DISTANCE RUN,
RETURNING TO THE FINISH LINE HERE.
FIRST CAMPER TO ARRIVE WINS.
GOOD LUCK, OWEN.
IF I HAD TO LOSE TO ANYONE HERE, IT'D BE YOU.
AW, THAT'S SO NICE, I HOPE YOU LOSE TO ME, TOO.
YEAH, GO, OWEN!
WE WANT TO PARTY!
YOU'RE GONNA GET ONE!
WHOO-HOO!
(CHEERING)
GO, GWEN! KICK HIS BUTT, GIRL!
YOU CAN DO IT, GWEN!
I DON'T CHEER.
COME ON, GWEN, YOU'VE GOT THIS!
ON YOUR MARKS.
GET SET.
GO!
YAY, OWEN! GO, OWEN!
RUN!
IZZY'S SUCH A GREAT CHEERLEADER,
BUT, DUDE, SHE SCARED ME A LITTLE.
IF I IGNORE YOU, WILL YOU GO AWAY?
NOT LIKELY.
YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ROOTING FOR ME
DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO LIKE YOU.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE OVER THE WHOLE
ME-KISSING-HEATHER THING.
WASN'T MY FAULT. SHE AMBUSHED ME.
(STRAINS) I SAID I WAS OVER IT.
I DIDN'T SAY I WANTED TO GO OUT WITH YOU ANYMORE.
UGH!
WHY IS MY FLAGPOLE SO SLIPPERY?!
WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA STAND THERE ANNOYING ME,
MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS)
LESHAWNA: YO! LET'S GO, GIRL!
YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR DAYDREAMING!
THAT'S BETTER.
THANKS.
(ALL STRAINING)
AW, MAN. (STRAINING)
OH, OH, OH!
YES! I GOT IT!
I GOT THE FLAG! (LAUGHS)
HOW DO I GET DOWN?
SLIDE LIKE A FIREMAN, DUDE!
(SQUEA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-K)
AAH, POLE BURN!
THAT HURTS!
AW, CRAP, THAT'S BAD!
I HAVE CONQUERED MOUNT POLE.
THAT'S GREAT, BUT WEIRD GOTH GIRL IS GETTING AHEAD.
GET YOUR LAZY BUTT IN GEAR NOW, OWEN, NOW!
OKAY, THESE CHICKS ARE ALL STARTING TO SCARE ME.
MAYBE I WON'T INVITE THEM TO THE PARTY.
PSYCH!
OKAY, NEW INTERN,
I KNOW IT'S WEIRD THAT YOU'RE STARTING ON OUR LAST SHOW,
BUT ALL OF THE OTHER INTERNS DIED ALREADY.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TEST OUT THIS FINAL CHALLENGE
AND MAKE SURE IT'S MODERATELY SAFE.
DON'T LOOK DOWN, DUDE.
(SPLASH, CHOMPING)
WELL, THAT LOOKS SAFE ENOUGH.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW ME THE WHOLE TIME, YOU KNOW.
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO.
WHY DON'T YOU GO CHEER FOR OWEN?
I KNOW YOU WANT TO GO TO HIS PARTY.
YEAH, AND I'M THINKING OF BRINGING YOU.
HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
I'LL MEET YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE, OKAY?
RIGHT. LIKE YOU CARE.
I DO. IT DOESN'T LOOK THAT BAD.
I'M GOING TO DIE NOW.
I'M GONNA FRICKIN' DIE.
OKAY, GWEN HAS HER EAGLE'S EGG
AND IS STARTING THE SECOND CHALLENGE.
-WHAT ARE THE EGGS FOR? -OH, YOU'LL SEE.
(CHUCKLES)
LISTEN CLOSELY, OWEN.
I REALLY WANT YOU TO HAVE THIS PARTY
MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
NOW, I'M HELPING YOU AS MUCH AS I CAN,
BUT YOU'VE GOTTA LOCK IT UP, GOT IT?!
OKAY, SURE, HEATHER.
ALEXANDER THE FRICKIN' GREAT, THAT'S A DEEP GORGE!
WHOA, WHOA!
(ALL GASP)
(GASPS)
WHAA!
THAT'S IT, GET YOUR BALANCE BACK AND STAY CALM.
OH, NO!
HANG ON, GWEN! YOU CAN DO IT.
JUST DON'T FALL INTO THE SHARK-INFESTED WATER!
YOU'RE REALLY NOT HELPING, OWEN.
SORRY!
AND WHEN IS THAT STUPID CUPCAKE GONNA KICK IN?
(BIRD SCREECHING)
-AAH! -WHAT WAS THAT?!
ANGRY EAGLE PARENTS.
OH, SNAP, THAT IS MESSED UP.
WHAT, YOU MEAN YOU LIKE WATCHING THIS?
THEY COULD DIE.
MELLOW YOUR YELLOW, BABE. THIS IS AWESOME TV.
DUNCAN IS SO IMMATURE.
WHAT IS IT ABOUT ALMOST DYING
AND BODILY FUNCTIONS THAT GUYS LOVE?
WHY WOULD I WANT TO WATCH GWEN AND OWEN RISK THEIR LIVES?
THIS IS LIFE AT ITS MOST RAW.
CHECK OUT ELVIS HERE WITH HIS GUITAR.
ONE MISSTEP, AND HIS GIRLFRIEND IS SHARK BAIT.
NOW, THAT WOULD MAKE FOR AN INTERESTING SONG.
THEN AGAIN, DANGER IS KIND OF HOT.
YOU'RE STILL NOT MY TYPE.
YOU MAKE ME SICK.
(SCREECHING) SHNIKIES!
IT'S COMING THIS WAY.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) WHAT DO WE DO?!
STEP ON IT!
INCENSED EAGLE PARENTS. NICE TWIST.
(SCREECHES)
YOU CAN DO IT, GWEN.
YOU'RE THE MOST AWESOME GIRL I'VE EVER MET!
IN FACT, I WAS THINKING, I THINK I LO--
OKAY, I SO CAN'T DEAL WITH DISTRACTIONS RIGHT NOW TRENT!
THEN YOU'RE GONNA HATE THIS!
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS)
OH, WOW.
SO BEAUTIFUL.
(GASPS) NO WORDS.
GWEN, IGNORE THE INCREDIBLY HOT MAN CANDY AND KEEP WALKING!
HMPH, IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?
THERE YOU GO, LITTLE EAGLE ORPHAN EGGY.
DON'T WORRY, I'M SURE THAT--
RUN! SHE'S GETTING THE LEAD AGAIN!
OKAY! SHEESH!
GLAD YOU DIDN'T DIE BACK THERE.
GEE, THANKS.
OH, I ALMOST FORGOT. THANKS FOR THE CUPCAKE.
-WHAT CUPCAKE? -THE ONE YOU LEFT FOR ME.
I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU A CUPCAKE. WAS IT GOOD?
I DON'T KNOW. I DIDN'T EAT IT.
(STOMACH RUMBLING)
OH! OH, OH, NO!
QUICK, WHERE'S THE BATHROOM OUT HERE?!
OWEN, NO!
NOT IN THE CONFESSION CAN!
(ALL GASP)
(FARTING) AAGHH! (WHIMPERS)
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
MORNING, FELLOW FINALIST. (LAUGHS)
HEY, WHAT'S UP?
THAT'S A REALLY GOOD-LOOKING CUPCAKE YOU GOT THERE.
IT'S ALL CHOCOLATY AND GOOEY.
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
MMM. AW, YEAH!
THAT'S A GOOD CUPCAKE.
TRY TO AVOID THE CONFESSION BOOTH FOR A WHILE.
THAT'S IT! GO, GIRL! YOU GOT IT!
SO JUST TO CLARIFY, YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME ANYMORE?
-NO. -BUT YOU DON'T TRUST ME EITHER.
RIGHT AGAIN.
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU?
UM
NOPE, NOTHING COMES TO MIND.
(CRACK) WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
(STRAINING) PROVING MY FEELINGS FOR YOU.
BY CARRYING A BOULDER?
UGH, IT'S NOT EASY, YOU KNOW.
A GUY WOULD HAVE TO REALLY BE IN LOVE TO DO THIS,
DON'T YOU THINK?
OR JUST REALLY STUPID.
I GET STRAIGHT As.
WELL, I THINK YOU'RE NUTS.
OH, NO!
GWEN IS WINNING!
OUR YACHT PARTY IS IN JEOPARDY!
DUDES! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!
WAIT, I HAVE A PLAN.
HAS ANYONE SEEN A REALLY BIG ELECTRIC FAN HERE?
-SURE, GOT ONE IN MY TRAILER. -YOU DO?
DO YOU THINK I GET THIS WIND-BLOWN LOOK NATURALLY?
GET IT AND MEET ME HACK HERE! RUN!
YOU'RE GONNA KILL YOURSELF, YOU KNOW.
I'M NOT GIVING UP ON YOU.
(PANTING)
I CAN STILL WIN THIS.
GREAT ZEUS, IT HURTS!
OOH!
THERE THEY ARE, TWO REAL COMPETITORS,
AND IF I MAY SAY,
TRULY PERSONIFYING THE SPIRIT OF THE REJECT OLYMPICS.
(STRAINING) HOW'S IT GOING?
OH, GOOD. HEY, DON'T GIVE UP.
I THINK YOU'RE GETTING THROUGH TO HER, DUDE.
GORDY, HOW I AM TIRED.
(GASPING)
UGH! OH
WHOO!
YEAH, ALL RIGHT!
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
HOT BROWNIES COMING THROUGH.
LINDSAY, THE FAN, NOW!
AGH! MY WIG!
CAN'T YOU FREAKS DO ANYTHING RIGHT?
OOH, THAT'S IT.
I'VE HAD ABOUT ENOUGH OF THAT GIRL.
(GRUNTS) HMM.
AAH!
AAH, LET ME OUT OF HERE!
OH! OH, MY GOSH!
OWEN, YOU ARE SO GROSS!
(GASPING)
I THINK IT'S OVER FOR ME, DUDE.
IT'S TOO BAD, BRO.
I WOULD HAVE LIKED GOING TO THAT PARTY.
(SNIFFING)
WAIT, IS THAT
BROWNIES?!
MOVE!!
(CHEERING)
(CHEERING)
(CHEERING)
WHAT HAPPENED?!
WHO WON?! HELLO?!
UGH, UGH!
WHOO-HOO!
I WON! I WON!
YOU OKAY?
YEAH.
JUST REMIND ME NEVER TO GET BETWEEN OWEN
AND A BROWNIE AGAIN.
YAY!
(SIGHS) SO THAT'S THAT.
OWEN WON.
WHOO!
AH, LOOK AT IT THIS WAY--
IT'S GONNA BE ONE HECK OF A PARTY.
(CLEARS THROAT) AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?
(LAUGHS) AAH! PUT ME DOWN!
SAY YOU'LL GO OUT WITH ME. COME ON, SAY IT!
(LAUGHS) OKAY, OKAY, I'LL GO OUT WITH YOU!
-YEAH? -YEAH.
COOL.
YOU GUYS ARE GOING OUT?! AWESOME!
YOU'RE COMING TO MY PARTY TOGETHER!
WHOO-HOO! I'M A $100,000-IONAIRE.
(LAUGHS) WHOO-HOO!
YOU REALLY STINK.
HERE WE ARE AT THE LAST BONFIRE EVER.
AFTER EIGHT BRUTAL WEEKS, IT IS MY PLEASURE TO ANNOUNCE
THE WINNER OF "TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND,"
OWEN!
(ALL CHEER)
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
YEAH, BABY!
HEY, WHAT CAN I SAY, CHRIS?
(CHUCKLES) I'M SO PSYCHED!
THIS IS JUST
ALL: AWESOME?
YES!
PARTY NEXT WEEK, EVERYONE!
(ALL CHEER)
YOU EVEN A BIT BUMMED?
I GUESS, BUT, HEY, I CAME SECOND OUT OF 22.
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, RIGHT?
OWEN, AT THIS TIME,
I GIVE YOU THE ULTIMATE SYMBOL OF SURVIVAL--
THE FINAL MARSHMALLOW.
I'LL TREASURE IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
OH, SCREW IT.
I CAN BUY ALL THE MARSHMALLOWS I WANT NOW.
YO, OWEN, YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S TIME FOR?
N-NO, NO, GUYS! MY HAIR!
DUDES!
BOYS: ONETWO
-THREE! -AGH!
(LAUGHTER)
I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO THAT ALL SUMMER.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, PRETTY BOY, HUH?
(SINGSONG) OH, CHEF.
(LAUGHS) YOU'RE NEXT, DUDE.
(CHEF SCREAMS)
OH, COME ON, YOU'VE GOT TO BE
A LITTLE BIT HAPPY TO SEE HIM GET DUNKED.
NO.
YEAH. A BIT.
YOU STILL STINK, THOUGH.