Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e28 Episode Script

- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY
THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING, DEBONAIR
THE GANG
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE
DUMP HISTORY ♪
AND ALWAYS
HAVE AN ALIBI-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH, OH-OH
OH-OH-OH, OH-OH,
OH-OH-OH, OH-OH ♪
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY
THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
STUFFED MUSHROOM, MY SWEET?
AH. THE PATEÉ DE FOIE GRAS
HAS ARRIVED, MY DEAR.
MERCI, GARCÇON.
- OH, HEATHCLIFF,
YOU SURE KNOW HOW
TO TAKE CARE OF A GIRL.
- NOTHING'S TOO GOOD
FOR YOU, SONYA.
NOW, ABOUT OUR DATE
THIS WEEKEND?
- A CANOE RIDE ALONG THE RIVER
THROUGH THE WOODS.
IT SOUNDS SO ROMANTIC.
- IT'LL BE EVEN MORE ROMANTIC
THAN IT SOUNDS.
- AHH
WHOA!
- [GROWLS]
- HEY, YO, TOOTS,
YOU WANNA COME AND
WATCH ME WORK OUT OR WHAT?
- WORK OUT?
- YEAH. YOU KNOW,
PUT MY UNBELIEVABLE BODY
THROUGH THE PACES.
- OH, MY GOSH.
- MY NAME'S PECS.
UH, WHAT'S YOURS?
- S-S-SONYA.
- YECCH.
UH, BUT, SONYA,
WHAT ABOUT OUR CANOE TRIP?
- UH, MAYBE ANOTHER TIME.
- YEAH. MAYBE NEVER, PUFFBALL.
[LAUGHS]
- PUFFBALL, EH?
WELL, WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
ANY MUSCLEHEAD
CAN WORK OUT AT A GYM.
- HA HA. IF THAT BALL OF FLAB
WANTS TO TRAIN,
HEY, GIVE HIM A WORKOU
HE'LL NEVER FORGET.
- OOF!
GET OFF ME, YOU APE,
OR I'LL BE FORCED
TO SET YOU STRAIGHT.
- DUH, I AIN'T NO APE.
I'M PART PERSIAN.
- YEAH, BUT THE REST OF YOU
IS MONKEY AND DONKEY.
- KNOCK IT OFF, YOU GUYS.
PECS AND HIS TRAINER, EL GATO,
ARE UP TO SOMETHING HERE.
- HEH HEH.
HERE COMES THE PATSY NOW.
- YOU EL GATO?
- YEAH.
- I WANT TO BEAT PECS
IN A WEIGHT LIFTING CONTEST.
- HA HA HA HA HA!
WITH A BODY LIKE YOURS,
YOU COULDN'T BEA
COOKIE BATTER.
OK, OK, I'LL TRY,
BUT IT'LL COST YOU.
- UH, THEY'RE DOIN'
A NUMBER ON HEATHCLIFF.
- THIS, I GOTTA SEE.
[CLANG]
- AH, THE OLD LEAD-FOOT TRICK.
HERE. PUT THESE ON.
BOY, YOU'RE IN BAD SHAPE.
- [PANTING]
- HEY, YO!
- SCORE!
- HA HA. HEY, FELLAS,
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
HEATHCLIFF PUMPIN' IRON.
HOW IRONICAL.
- [LAUGHTER]
- HEY, HEATHCLIFF,
GO ON BACK TO RELAXIN'.
THIS PUMPIN' IRON'S
MUCH TOO TAXIN'.
- YEAH. THEY GOT YOU
SET UP, SUCKER.
- UH, HERE. LET ME HELP YOU.
- [LAUGHTER]
- YOW!
- STUPIDITY IS FRIGHTENING.
AH, VITAMINS.
JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED.
- WHOA!
OOOH! EEE! OHH! WHOA!
- [LAUGHS]
- OK, HEATHCLIFF,
GO FOR IT.
- [LAUGHTER]
- A CAT MACHINE
THAT TURNS FAT TO LEAN.
- UGH.
[EL GATO LAUGHS]
- AAH!
- HA HA HA HA HA HA!
- HA HA HA.
LIKE WE BEEN TELLIN' YOU,
THEY'RE PLAYIN' YOU FOR A FISH.
- [LAUGHTER]
- WOW.
WHOA!
WOW.
- HEY, HEY, YO!
WATCH THIS, BABY. HEH.
[BLOWS KISSES]
- [SIGHS]
- TSK, TSK, TSK.
THAT BOY'S GOTTA
LOSE SOME WEIGHT.
- HA. CHECK THIS OUT, WILL YOU?
- ALL RIGHT, HEATHCLIFF,
TIME TO JUMP A LITTLE ROPE.
- NOW, THAT'S WHA
I CALL ROPE-A-DOPE.
- [LAUGHTER]
- 1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8, 9
- MAYBE IT WOULD
BE EASIER FOR HIM
IF YOU SANG A NURSERY RHYME.
- [LAUGHTER]
- KEEP IT UP.
I'LL BE BACK IN HALF AN HOUR.
- [PANTING]
- I'M TELLIN' YOU, HEATHCLIFF,
THIS GUY'S GOT A DEAL WITH PECS
TO JINX YOUR TRAININ'.
- IT WAS YOU TURKEYS
THAT DID IT.
- YAAH!
- GANGWAY!
- UH, WATCH IT!
- NOTHIN' LIKE A STEAM BATH
FOR RELAXING THE MUSCLES
AND INVIGORATIN' THE BODY.
NOW, GO IN THERE
AND DON'T COME OU
TILL I TELL YOU.
[LAUGHS]
- WHEW.
IT'S HOT IN HERE.
YIKES.
- HEY, YOU READY
TO LOSE, BONE ROT? [LAUGHS]
- THE FIRST LIFT'LL BE
THE 2-ARM PRESS OF 100 POUNDS.
- [SPITS]
- [CHEERING]
- HERE YOU GO, HEATHCLIFF.
- [STRAINING]
- [LAUGHTER]
- AND NOW, THE CHEST FLEXER.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- THESE TRACTOR SPRINGS
OUGHT TO DO THE TRICK.
OK, YOU GUYS,
LET'S SEE SOME MUSCLES.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- YOUR TURN, HEATHCLIFF.
- [BOOING AND LAUGHING]
- YOU CALL THAT A BODY?
- COME ON, SWEET STUFF.
I DON'T WANNA
HUMILIATE HIM ANYMORE.
- YOU'RE SO NOBLE, PECS.
- [GROWLS]
- N-NOW, LOOK, HEATHCLIFF,
BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR COOL,
WE--WE JUST WANT YOU TO LOOK
IN THE BACK ROOM.
TH-THIS EL GATO'S
BEEN SETTIN' YOU UP.
- OH, YEAH? SHOW ME!
- WE'VE BEEN TRYIN'
TO TELL YOU, HEATHCLIFF,
BUT YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN.
[POW]
- WAIT, HEATHCLIFF!
NO!
NOT THE STEAM ROOM!
- [WHISTLES A TUNE]
I'LL TAKE MY FISH BACK,
THANK YOU.
- WHY, THANK YOU, BEEFCAKE.
OH, PECS, THIS IS SO ROMANTIC.
OH, NO!
THE CANOE'S FILLING WITH WATER.
SAVE ME, PECS!
- HEY, HEY! SAVE YOU?!
HEY, WHAT ABOUT ME?!
I CAN'T SWIM! WH-HOA!
- AND I THOUGH
YOU WERE SO NOBLE.
- CARE FOR A LIFT, SONYA?
- HEY, HEY! YO! HEATHCLIFF!
HEY, HEY! EEEYII!
SAVE ME!
HEY, HEY! OOH!
- HANG ON, MUSCLEHEAD!
- OH, HEATHCLIFF, I DIDN'
KNOW YOU WERE SO STRONG
AND NOBLE.
I GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE
ABOUT THAT PHONY.
- YEP. YOU CAN'T BEA
THE REAL THING.
- [SNORING]
- [SNORING]
[YAWNS]
A BEAUTIFUL MORNING.
NOW TO GET ME
A LITTLE BREAKFAST.
LOOK AT 'EM
SLEEPIN' LIKE BABIES.
IT'D BE A SHAME TO WAKE THEM.
HYAH! HYAH! RISE AND SHINE!
IT'S BREAKFAST TIME!
LET'S GET GOIN'.
COME ON. LET'S EAT.
- [YAWNS]
YEAH. THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
- HEY, I'M STARVIN'.
LET'S GET SCARFIN'.
- HEY, MUNGO, AREN'T YOU COMIN'?
- NAH. I AIN'T HUNGRY.
- WHAT'S WITH MUNGO?
HE'S ALWAYS HUNGRY.
- HE'S BEEN REALLY DOWN
IN THE DUMPS LATELY.
- HMM.
- WHOA!
- [CHUCKLES]
GEE, AIN'T THIS A SWELL PLAN
RIFF RAFF THOUGHT UP?
- A SWELL PLAN TO FOOL THE MAN.
- SO! WISEGUYS, HUH?
- YAAH!
- YAAH!
- COME BACK HERE, YOU CATS!
WHEN I CATCH YOU, I'M GONNA
- HMM. LOOKS LIKE THOSE GUYS
WON'T BE JOINING ME
FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING.
[GULPING]
SO, A LOST CAT, HUH?
THIS CAT LOOKS ENOUGH
LIKE MUNGO TO BE HIS BROTHER.
LOOK AT THAT ADDRESS.
THAT'S ON THE RITZY SIDE
OF TOWN.
SAY! THIS COULD BE THE CURE
FOR MUNGO'S BLUES.
HI, GUYS.
SORRY YOU MISSED BREAKFAST.
- HUH. WE'RE GLAD
WE'RE STILL AROUND FOR LUNCH.
- HMM. YEAH, THIS'LL BE OK.
LOOK, MUNGO, I'VE ARRANGED
FOR YOU TO VISI
AT A VERY EXCLUSIVE,
HIGH-CLASS HOUSE
IN THE FANCY PART OF TOWN.
I FIGURE YOU SPEND
A COUPLE OF DAYS THERE
LIVING IN THE LAP OF LUXURY,
AND YOU'LL BE YOUR OLD SELF--
YOU SHOULD PARDON
THE EXPRESSION--IN NO TIME.
- UH, YOU DID THAT FOR ME,
RIFF RAFF?
BOY! WHAT A PAL!
WHAT A PAL!
- HEY, MUNGO,
GOTTA MAKE YOU LOOK COOL
FOR WHEN YOU'RE LOUNGIN'
BY THE POOL.
- I STILL DON'
UNDERSTAND WHY WE CAN'
GO WITH HIM, RIFF RAFF.
- I TOLD YOU BEFORE, HECTOR,
MUNGO IS THE ONLY ONE OF US
WHO COULD PASS FOR THE LOST CAT.
- YEAH. CHECK THE PAPER.
WHAT A CAPER.
- GOSH, I'M BEAUTIFUL.
THANKS, GUYS.
- OK, MUNGO, YOU JUS
STROLL ON UP TO THE FRONT DOOR
AND RING THE BELL.
- UH, ARE YOU SURE THEY'RE
EXPECTIN' ME, RIFF RAFF?
- OF COURSE!
WOULD I LIE TO YOU?
- OH, BOY! A WHOLE WEEK
OF LUXURY LIVIN'!
[DOGS BARKING]
[POW]
Mungo: WHOA!
UH, ARE YOU SURE THEY'RE
EXPECTING ME, RIFF RAFF?
THERE'S DOGS IN THERE.
- HMM. DOGS, HUH?
I GOT IT.
OK. EVERYBODY READY?
THOSE DOGS'LL NEVER BOTHER US
IN THIS DISGUISE.
NICE DOGGIES.
N-NICE DOGGIES.
Cats: WHOO-WHOO-WHOO!
- GRRRR!
- GRRRR!
[BOTH BARKING]
- WHOA!
- WHOA!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- [GERMAN ACCENT]
JA? CAN I HELP YOU?
MY KITTY!
OH! THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR RETURNING HIM.
Riff Raff: IT WORKED.
[DOGS GROWL]
- YIPE!
- [SNARLING]
[BARKING]
- UH, LOOK, FELLAS,
YOU GUYS ENJOY YOURSELVES.
I'LL BE WAITING OUTSIDE.
- [DOGS AND CATS
YELPING, BARKING]
- HEY, THEM DOGS IS TOUGH.
Man: OH, KITTY! I'M SO HAPPY
TO HAVE YOU BACK AGAIN!
I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
DON'T YOU EVER RUN AWAY AGAIN!
- OOH! NICE!
LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
EVERYTHING A CAT COULD WANT.
RIFF RAFF WAS RIGHT.
I FEEL BETTER ALREADY.
[GULP]
- GEE, I'LL BET MUNGO'S
HAVIN' A GREAT TIME.
THAT LOOKED LIKE A SWELL PLACE.
- YEAH, MUNGO'S LIVIN'
LIKE A KING
WITHOUT HAVIN' TO PAY A THING.
- OH, YEAH?
THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK. LOOK.
HEY, MUNGO,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
LIVING IT UP IN THAT MANSION.
- [BRITISH ACCENT]
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- YOU BEG OUR PARDON?
COME ON, MUNGO.
WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
- MUNGO? I DO THINK
YOU'VE GOT ME CONFUSED
WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
MY NAME IS KITTY.
- HOLY COW. THIS GUY LOOKS
LIKE MUNGO. WOW!
- I GET IT. YOU'RE THE CA
IN THIS PICTURE.
- THAT'S ME.
I SAY, I AM GLAD TO BE
OUT OF THAT PLACE.
THE GUY THAT LIVES THERE
IS QUITE STRANGE.
I'LL NEVER GO BACK THERE.
HE WAS WEIRD.
Riff Raff:
THIS DOESN'T SOUND GOOD.
WE'D BETTER
GO CHECK UP ON MUNGO.
- OOH!
- SO, YOU CATS ARE BACK
FOR MORE, EH?
ARF ARF ARF!
- HEY, THERE'S RIFF RAFF
AND THE GUYS.
THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE
HAVIN' FUN HERE, TOO.
WHAT A GREAT PLACE.
- I HOPE WE DON'
RUN INTO THOSE DOGS AGAIN.
- I'M LOOKING AROUND,
AND I DON'T SEE NO HOUNDS.
- UND SOON, THE MOMENT I HAVE
WAITED FOR ALL THESE YEARS
IS ABOUT TO ARRIVE.
UND NOW, MY KITTY,
YOU ARE ZHE FINAL LINK
IN MY EXPERIMENT.
VHEN I THROW THE SWITCH,
YOUR BRAIN WILL BE
TRANSFERRED TO THE CHICKEN.
HIS BRAIN WILL BE TRANSFERRED
TO THE HORSE.
HIS BRAIN WILL--
WELL, YOU GET THE PICTURE.
VE ARE GOING TO HAVE FUN!
MY DEAR ANIMALS,
IN A MOMENT, WE WILL ALL MAKE
SCIENTIFIC HISTORY!
BUT REMEMBER
LET'S HAVE FUN.
- WHAT IS THAT GUY GONNA DO
TO ALL THOSE ANIMALS?
- I DON'T KNOW,
BUT IT DON'T LOOK GOOD.
- LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE GONNA GIVE
THE JUICE TO THE MOOSE.
[BOTH GROWL]
- [YELLING]
SHTOP! SHTOP! SHTOP!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
YOU'RE RUINING MY EXPERIMENT!
BAD DOGGIES!
- IF THAT SWITCH FALLS,
WE'RE ALL IN TROUBLE!
- MEOW!
- MEOW!
MEOW!
[BOTH BARKING]
[BARKING]
- [MEOWING]
- [BARKING]
- I'VE HEARD OF SPLI
PERSONALITIES BEFORE,
BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
- UH, QUACK QUACK.
- BAA!
- UH, CLUCK CLUCK.
- ENOUGH OF THIS! HOW DO I GE
THESE GUYS BACK TO NORMAL?
AHA!
THAT OUGHTA DO IT.
- WHAT IS GOING ON?!
- WE'VE BEEN CHANGIN'
AND REARRANGIN'.
- LET'S GET MUNGO
AND GET OUTTA HERE!
- [HUMMING TO MUSIC
PLAYING IN HEADSET]
HEY, UH, WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
WE DON'T HAVE TO GO NOW, DO WE?
GEE, I WISH WE
COULD HAVE STAYED LONGER.
I WAS JUST STARTIN'
TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
- YOU BIG DOPE!
THAT GUY WAS TRYING TO GIVE YOU
THE BRAIN OF A CHICKEN.
- HE WAS?!
[BOTH GROAN]
- OH, WELL. I HAD A GOOD TIME
WHILE IT LASTED, ANYWAY.
YOU THINK WE COULD
GO BACK NEXT WEEK?
- MEOW! MEOW!
- WOOF! WOOF!
- WELL, MUNGO, IT LOOKS LIKE
WE'LL HAVE TO FIND YOU
ANOTHER PLACE TO REST NEXT TIME.
- [BABBLING]
DUH, CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK.
IF YOU COLLECT TROPICAL FISH,
HERE'S SOME GOOD TIPS
TO REMEMBER.
- HEY! LET ME OUT OF HERE!
- UNDERWATER ORNAMENTS
LIKE CASTLES
SHOULD BE PLACED IN THE TANK
SO YOUR FISH DO NO
BECOME TRAPPED IN THEM.
- THANKS.
A CAT?!
- I'M OFF-DUTY.
AND REMEMBER
TO DECORATE YOUR TANKS
WITH ROCKS PURCHASED
FROM A RELIABLE AQUARIUM SHOP.
THE WRONG KIND OF ROCKS COULD BE
POISONOUS TO YOUR FISH.
- WHO WAS THAT MASKED CAT?
- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE DUMP HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE AN ALIBI-I
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH, OH-OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU