Lost In Space (1965) s01e28 Episode Script

[ Man Narrating .]
Last week, as you recall Will and Dr.
Smith had climbed up to a plateau of cosmic dust to investigate a strange, glowing light little dreaming that it was soon to lead them on an unbelievable journey through space.
I thought we'd never reach this plateau.
That mountain must be 20,000 feet high at the very least.
[ Gasping .]
I could hardly breathe at that altitude.
It's only a hundred feet higher than the campsite, Dr.
Smith.
- I checked it.
- Oh, then there must be something in the atmosphere that affects my asthma.
Well, do you see it? No.
But it's gotta be around here somewhere.
I remember that rock.
Now, tell me again.
What did you actually see? Well, it was about sundown, and I saw something glinting.
Never mind the glinting.
Tell me about the colors.
They were all silvery and gold.
Ah, yes.
Obviously an outcrop of a very rare and precious metal, leading to a mother lode.
That's not what Dad thought when I told him about it.
Just some iron pyrite, so I guess that's all it is.
Indeed.
Your father's knowledge of geology leaves much to be desired.
I'm a pretty good geologist.
Of course you are, my boy.
And you'll be a good deal better, Will, when we prove that what you saw confirms my own theory.
Now, climb up on that rock and see if you can locate it.
- Well, have you spotted it? - Not yet.
- Can't you see anything? - [ Chuckles .]
Well, I see the Jupiter.
And there's Mom and Penny.
They're doing the washing.
Spare me the dreary domestic story.
Look for that outcrop.
- [ Will .]
Golly! - What is it? Do you see it? - I see it! - Where? Where? Show me! [ Will .]
It's over that way! You'd better be careful, Dr.
Smith.
Dad thought there might be cosmic dust pits on this plateau with no bottom.
Nonsense, my boy.
In the interest of science one's personal safety is of no consequence.
[ Screaming .]
[ Grunting, Screaming .]
- Hang on, Dr.
Smith! - The plant could give way at any moment! If you panic, you'll just sink faster so-- so don't panic! I'm not panicking! I'm not panicking! - Just get me out of here! - [ Grunting .]
Oh! Oh, thank goodness.
- Ohh! Ohh! - If this plant hadn't been here there's no telling how far down you might've dropped.
That's why cosmic dust pits are so dangerous.
Just spare me the preachments.
Help me up, my boy.
Aah! Oh, thank goodness.
Oh, what do we do now? - We jump across it.
- Jump? Sure.
- Careful.
- It's not too tough.
Watch me.
[ Screams .]
Here.
Come on.
It's easy.
Agility, like youth, is wasted on children.
- I cannot do it, and I will not do it.
- Dr.
Smith.
- No! - Jump.
[ Screaming .]
Oh! The things I do in the interest of science.
Now, my boy, let's not waste any more time in idle chatter.
We must find that outcrop.
Come along.
You're lagging, Will.
Where's your stamina? Will.
Will, look.
It's just decomposed granite.
It's not even shining.
Fool's gold.
Nothing but an optical illusion.
But we must have seen something shining.
Dr.
Smith, look at this! It's funny we never received any signals before.
- I wonder where it came from.
- Don't get too close, Will.
If it contaminates you, you'll contaminate me - and before you know it-- - [ Spaceship Whirring .]
[ Dr.
Smith .]
As you can plainly see, Will's urgent summons that you come here was really quite unnecessary.
His having seen a precious metal was nothing but a mirage.
He never said it was precious metal, Doctor.
And that ship-- That ship certainly is no mirage.
Well, it's of no earthly use to me.
Well, why does everything have to have an earthly use, Doctor? Don't let him answer that, or we'll be standing here hours listening to the miseries of a galactic castaway.
Major, you irk me.
I wonder what kind of a guidance and propulsion system it has.
Well, I got a quick look at it when the hatch was opened.
It's compact as a protein pill.
That's really compact.
Let's see what you make of this protein pill, Robot.
No involved, polysyllabic jargon, if you please.
Just simple, basic facts that we can all understand.
Just simple, basic facts that we can all understand.
Design guidance and propulsion systems of extragalactic special delivery vehicle indicate unlimited thrust, scope and speed.
I wonder what it delivers.
Well, maybe the extragalactic special delivery mail.
It does, as such, conform to a space relay station.
How 'bout digging a little deeper, Robot? And clearer, you garrulous gargoyle.
Space capability of vehicle-- subject to errors inherent in my limited extragalactic experience.
May reach velocity of light squared.
Squared? Why, that's impossible.
Vehicle capable of circumnavigating the universe.
Space penetration is possible up to and including the sixth dimension.
- Warning! - Yes? Unpredictable modifications in cell structure are a hazard of such multidimensional space flight.
Wow.
- That's some pill.
[ Chuckles .]
- That's right.
Till we know more about it, I suggest that no one get close to it.
We'll bring out some testing equipment in the morning.
- Let's go back to camp.
- I'll be right there.
All right.
What a remarkable vehicle.
I wonder what else it can do.
Well, if you know how to work it, it can get you wherever you want to go in nothing flat.
- Isn't that enough? - Ample-- that is, if I knew more about navigating it.
Is it very complicated, my encyclopedic friend? - Very compact.
- Tell me more.
Its design is simplicity itself.
Getting better all the time.
How simple? What do you want from me? Blood? - [ Chuckles .]
- Spare me the self-pity! Now, move in closer and let me have the answer.
Dr.
Smith, Dad didn't want any of us getting too close.
Is this scurrilous scatterbrain to be considered one of us? Indeed, he is not.
He is here to obey my orders.
Move.
- I'm waiting.
- Me too.
You cowardly clump.
You're not close enough.
Now advance and let yourself be recognized.
Find out how it works! - Dr.
Smith, I just don't-- - Quiet, my boy.
I'm in command here.
Move! [ Voice Shouting In Alien Language .]
What is it saying? Computers require readjustment to alien tongue.
But tone of voice indicates a warning of some kind.
Then readjust.
Quickly.
Dr.
Smith! He fired some sort of ray at him! I knew we shouldn't let him get too close.
Dear boy, I wouldn't say anything about this to anyone.
We can put him back together again in the morning.
Will, I really don't think we should stay here any longer! Something is very wrong.
I don't like it.
Come along, Will.
Come along.
You're okay now.
Do you know what happened to you? Inaccurate wavelength adjustment initiated hostile reaction.
The error was mine, due to limited extragalactic experience.
Well, we'll try again tomorrow, if it's still here.
I sure hope it is.
Do you know what that's all about? Specifically, negative.
But assumption is that extragalactic vehicle is in "go" condition for liftoff.
Golly! Will Robinson to extragalactic control.
I'm ready for liftoff.
I sure wish I knew who belongs to this ship.
Like to thank them for letting me look around.
[ Crashing .]
Golly! [ Sighs .]
So, you see, my dear cousin Joan no matter what you may have heard to the contrary life can be very normal on a strange and remote planet.
Will still has to be reminded not to be late for dinner and Penny is still forgetful about her personal appearance.
- Oh! - And Judy is just a little bit too critical.
[ Whooshing .]
Looks like a comet.
It might be that extragalactic special delivery space vehicle taking off on its appointed rounds.
If it is, I can't say that I'm sorry.
Oh, my.
Don't let Will hear you say that.
By the way, why isn't he out here? Surely he must have heard it.
When he's concentrating on one of his projects, he can shut out any sound that might interfere.
Like a dinner call.
- I think I'll go tell him what he missed.
- No, dear.
I think that would be rather unkind.
You just let him continue what he's working on.
- Oh, what a lovely, peaceful night this is.
- Yeah.
Sure nice to be alone for a change.
You know, you'd think on a planet this size, it would be easy to get away from it all.
Oh, am I interrupting anything? - I hope that's not why you came.
- Of course not.
I'm looking for Will.
We were supposed to play a game of chess this evening.
- Well, I haven't seen him.
- [ Dr.
Smith .]
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
- What, Smith, are you supposed to be doing? - What you should all be doing-- Maintaining your youthful vigor with a conscientious space fitness program.
I regret to announce that this very day, I found a white hair in my head which accounts for these comprehensive calisthenics.
And you expect to change its color with all this vim and vigor, huh, Smith? Spare me your caustic remarks, Major.
They fall on deaf ears.
Say, aren't you supposed to be replanting the hydroponic garden after last night's storm? Don't prate to me about food, Major.
Man does not live on bread alone.
- One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
- Oh, no.
We sure picked a nice, quiet little spot tonight, didn't we? - You're supposed to be in your cubbyhole, mister.
- Affirmative.
However, due to temporary breakdown at alien site my schedule was interrupted.
What were you doing at the alien site? He's frothing at the tapes with his usual egomaniacal eccentricity.
Negative.
Reporting liftoff of extragalactic vehicle.
We're way ahead of you, Robot.
We heard it and saw it.
- With amateur pilot aboard.
- What do you mean by "amateur"? I mean Will Robinson.
- Will took off in the alien spaceship? - Affirmative.
And computations indicate an imminent return.
Penny, get your mother and father quickly.
We're going out there.
Come on, Smith.
Will! Will! What is it? Are you all right? - Will! - Will, your mother asked you a question.
Not really, Dad.
She was just expressing her momentary emotional anxiety in rhetorical terms.
Certainly the state of my physical well-being should be apparent to all.
Will, I don't understand.
- Why are you speaking like that? - Like what, Mother? It isn't like you to answer my questions with an analysis of my feelings.
I'm sorry if the operation of my mind doesn't please you, but that's just the way I am.
The boy's showing a remarkably independent spirit.
- Rather like mine.
- Be quiet, Smith.
Incidentally, you've been conditioned to accept the velocity of light as a limiting factor in space travel.
Well, my flight disproved that theory.
Yes, I can see that.
I'd, uh-- I'd like to talk to you about it.
And your experience.
Certainly, Father.
But it may be a little hard for you to understand so I'll try to simplify it.
Well, thank you.
I'll have to see what I can do about improving on this weapon.
- It's very antiquated.
- What? Obsolete.
That goes for us, too, I suppose.
I believe the boy's unlocked the secrets of the universe.
We have a latter-day Einstein in our midst.
I don't like obvious flattery, Dr.
Smith.
Next time, try to be a little more subtle.
I beg your pardon.
I meant no offense.
You and I must have a nice, long chat very soon, my boy.
Not until his mother and I have had a much longer one with him, Dr.
Smith.
By the way weren't you supposed to be working in the hydroponic garden? The hydroponic garden? Oh, yes.
It completely slipped my mind.
But I shall attend to it immediately after dinner.
Uh, no, you won't.
There won't be any dinner until you get that job done.
Indeed.
I shall very likely starve.
- Man does not live by bread alone.
Remember, Smith? - Bah, Major.
Come along, Will.
Now, to understand me the first thing you'll have to do is discard everything you know about energy conversion factors.
- Well, that's impossible, son.
- I was afraid you'd say that.
How can I teach you anything if you won't accept what I say? We don't want you to teach us anything.
We just want you to tell us what happened to you out there.
I wasn't aware that anything had happened to me.
And if you insist on asking these primitive and emotional questions I won't be able to tell you anything.
Come here, son.
Now, before you took that flight you and I had a natural, easygoing relationship the kind of thing that's normal between a father and his son.
You're saying I'm abnormal now.
But I'm not, Dad.
I know what I was like.
And I haven't really changed.
Maybe you have.
No, he hasn't really changed.
He's just become a far-out super-genius is all.
What happened in here? Will was almost in tears.
Well, at least he experienced that primitive emotion.
- He's still a boy.
- Has he given you reason to doubt it? Well, not to doubt it, Maureen, but to recognize that he's undergone a tremendous acceleration in intellectual maturity since he took that flight.
In many ways, he's way ahead of us.
Yeah, I might have to bone up on multidimensional flight phenomena if Will talked to me again.
Well, it can't harm him, can it? No.
Only in his relationship to us.
- Will, would you like to help me, please? - Help you with what? Transplanting some of these vegetables.
- Is it necessary? - We have to eat.
Your methods are very elementary.
Oh! Do you know any better ones? Yes, but it would be useless explaining them to you.
Look, Will, I realize you're a brain now but that doesn't mean you have to put everybody else down.
Your hypersensitivity's showing, Judy.
Now, if we keep this up, you'll probably stomp out of here in a corny feminine huff.
Well, I got news for you, Will Robinson.
I'm going to do exactly that right now.
Poor kid.
No intellectual discipline.
Hey, Will.
You want your revenge because I beat you at chess last time? - You? Beat me? - Have you forgotten? - It just isn't possible.
- Isn't it? Just for that, I'll do it again.
It's useless, Penny.
You don't stand a chance.
But you might as well find out for yourself.
Will, what's the matter with you? I don't know.
Come on, Penny.
Let's play.
I'll let you make the first move, Penny.
Not that it'll help.
Gee, thanks.
There.
- I'm sorry, Penny.
- Sorry? About what? - This game's getting kind of boring.
- What do you mean? Now, try not to get all sensitive like Judy but you might as well know you're already licked.
- I am not! - It's inevitable, Penny.
Now, when you attack with your bishops, I'll take them.
And then you'll get busy with your knights, but by that time I'll have your king.
You know so much, don't you? I'm sorry, Penny, but that's just the way it is.
Well, why don't we just play the game and see? It's no fun when you know what's gonna happen ahead of time.
- There's no challenge.
- [ Dr.
Smith .]
Well, well, well.
Playing the game of great minds, I see.
May I kibitz a bit? There's nothing to kibitz.
I've had it.
- Now, then.
- Don't trouble yourself.
We're not evenly matched.
Perhaps not.
But we could have a little chat.
- About what? - Oh, ships and shoes and sealing wax.
In other words, multidimensional excursion vehicles.
- How did you know? - You're very transparent to me, Dr.
Smith.
Really? How delightful.
Then we understand each other, Will.
No, I understand you.
Now, what's on your mind? Not that my answer will do you any good.
Don't underestimate the intellectual resources of Zachary Smith, my boy.
Now, tell me.
If I were to undertake a flight in that vehicle would it do for me what it has done for you? Even if it did, I'm not sure you could handle it.
Let me worry about that.
How would you like to give me a few pointers on the technique involved in piloting that vehicle? For what ulterior motives, Dr.
Smith? Ulterior motives? I? All right.
Then I'll explain them to you.
One: You can hardly wait to leave.
Two: You're hoping that if you can learn to fly that vehicle it'll make you some sort of lord of the galaxies.
Three: If you can ever guide it back to Earth you'll become president of the United States, at the very least.
Really? I haven't thought of that, but it does sound intriguing.
Go on.
I'm sorry, Dr.
Smith but you and I don't communicate on the same level of maturity.
Very well William Robinson Socrates Einstein.
I'm not done with you yet.
If Dad would give me permission I could pack all this into one tenth of the space.
No, he's not ready for it yet.
You're oversized, too, as well as being obsolete.
A product of contemporary technology is incapable of obsolescence.
Have you got a lot to learn.
Will? - Oh, you should be asleep.
- I don't need as much sleep as I used to, Mother.
You may not think you do, with so much going on in that wonderful mind of yours but you still need your sleep.
No one else thinks my mind's wonderful.
They think I'm some sort of freak highbrow.
Oh, nonsense.
Of course they don't.
Underneath, you're still the same boy you always were.
- I don't feel that way.
- Ohh.
I tell you what.
Tomorrow, let's all go on a picnic.
And if you enjoy it as much as you always did, then you'll know you haven't changed.
I don't think it'll help, but I'll go.
[ Chuckling .]
All right.
Come on, now.
Let's go to bed.
Will, my dear boy.
What are you doing out here? - I couldn't sleep.
- Ah, what a brilliant design.
What a magnificent concept.
What is it? A reconstruction of the Jupiter 2 not that you'd understand it or anyone else.
I realize that.
That's why I'm here.
I've made a very important decision, Will.
Oh? Who do you plan to get in trouble this time? Oh, ye of little faith.
The fact is, my boy, that at the gravest risk to myself and for purely altruistic reasons only I am willing to undertake a flight in that vehicle.
Let's hear those altruistic reasons, Dr.
Smith.
There is only one reason, my boy--you.
Oh, it hurts me deeply to see you suffer the pangs of intellectual isolation.
You need someone to soar with you above the common herd to be an intellectual giant like yourself.
I volunteer for that perilous assignment.
I got back okay, so it's not so perilous.
Now, let's skip the big talk, huh? You're not very kind, are you? All I want is to see you happy to give you the companionship and the understanding that you deserve.
Isn't that what you need? Might be nice to have someone I wouldn't have to talk down to.
But there's just one problem.
- What problem? - You're not doing this for me.
Oh, my dear, misguided boy-- We might get on a whole lot better if you'd admit that you were doing this for yourself, Dr.
Smith.
You have cut me to the quick.
What can I say? It doesn't matter, 'cause I'd see through it no matter what you said.
But I guess it's wrong to hold back scientific knowledge from someone who really wants to know.
Oh, I do.
I do.
And we might get on a little bit better once you've been out there.
We'll be bosom buddies.
You sound phony when you say that, Dr.
Smith.
But here.
- Here's a layout of the guidance system.
- Yes.
- Hatch control here.
- Hatch control.
- Power acceleration here.
- I see.
- Retro rockets here.
- Yes.
Yes.
# Oh, Susannah Don't you cry for me # # For I'm going to Louisiana with a banjo on my knee ## ## [ Humming .]
Now, let's see.
Ah, yes.
Power on.
Main thruster on.
[ Roaring .]
Lord of the galaxies.
Lord Zachary Smith.
Oh, my.
Going out to the drill site, Will.
You want to come along? Not right now.
I'm waiting for Dr.
Smith to get back.
- Where is he? - Right now, I'd say he's probably on the return leg of the flight.
- You mean, that liftoff we heard earlier-- - Was Dr.
Smith.
He was very insistent, and I thought the experience might do him some good.
[ Whooshing .]
Well, he's back.
Shall we go welcome him? I don't know why we should give him a welcome because if he tries any of that superior knowledge he might have gotten on me, he-- Dr.
Smith? Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
See what has happened to me? Look at my face and weep.
All because I listened to you you young upstart.
[ Sobbing .]
The pain.
The pain.
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
[ Mumbling .]
Yah! [ Mumbles .]
What a calamity.
What a tragic end.
Laid low in the prime of my life.
Weak and afflicted with the infirmities of age.
[ Whimpering .]
I feel cold.
I think I'd like a little more broth, please.
And put some soft bread in it.
My teeth are not what they used to be.
[ Gibbering .]
Hurry.
Poor Dr.
Smith.
Isn't there something we could do to help him? There must be.
We'll make all the tests we can but I don't think it'll do any good.
Don, here.
Why don't you take it to him? - Me? - Yes, go on.
It might make him feel better.
- Go ahead.
- Okay.
Here you are, Dr.
Smith.
Some nice, warm soup for you.
- How 'bout that, huh? - Thank you, Major.
Very kind of you.
And high time too.
Oh, now, Doctor.
Listen.
Doctor, John and I are going to do everything we can to try to find out what happened to you out there.
It's quite unnecessary, Major.
You will soon be performing an autopsy of my mortal remains.
[ Chuckling .]
No, listen.
You see, if we can simulate the conditions of your flight in a test chamber we might get a lead on how to counteract the effect, you see? - You really think so? - Well, we're gonna do everything we can.
Now, can you tell us what your velocity was when the change occurred? I can't remember.
I can only remember things of long ago when I was young and handsome and life was full of promise.
I think I might be able to manage a little dessert, please.
Something nice and sweet, if you'd be so kind.
Well, I'm glad to see your appetite's okay.
Will you begrudge me my last remaining pleasure? I want something nice and sweet! - Give me a reading.
- 93.
2 and steady.
All right.
I'll try more acceleration.
- According to my calculations, I don't think the results-- - Be quiet, Will.
- It's going into the red zone! - Well, cut the power! That's what I was trying to tell you would happen.
- Oh, John.
- Well looks as though whatever corridor of space Smith went through we'll never simulate it here.
I might be able to get some answers with a four-year analysis.
Or better yet, I might make another test flight.
Oh, no.
I don't want to hear any more talk about a test flight.
[ Dr.
Smith Moaning .]
Must you disturb an old man's rest with your horseplay? I should never have allowed you to raise my hopes.
I'm doomed.
We haven't given up, Dr.
Smith.
Oh, please, don't raise my hopes again.
My nerves can't stand it.
I can see I must prepare for the end.
But please, Professor, keep trying, and don't lose any time.
Your results might be useful to others even though I will not be here to benefit from them.
[ Whimpering .]
Eh! Help an old man up the ramp, girly! - [ Chuckling .]
- Here, Dr.
Smith.
Dad, I don't think his molecular change is irreversible.
What's that supposed to mean? Well, darling, I'm not sure I agree with him but I think Will means that there's hope for Dr.
Smith.
I guess what we need is a fountain of youth.
Or its deep-space equivalent.
Yeah, well, anyway, we'll get going on our version of the fountain of youth in the morning while you get to work on yours.
Well, Willie, have you discovered anything? [ Gibbering, Gasping .]
Not yet, Dr.
Smith.
It takes time.
Time and tide wait for no man.
I should never have listened to you.
I could do a lot better if you'd give me some of your venerable blood.
Oh, no.
No, I have barely enough to go around.
- It's just one drop.
- No, no.
It could make the difference between life and death to me.
Well, it's not easy trying to test the reversibility of molecular change with just one white hair.
I'm beginning to think the only other way is a test flight.
What would you do on a test flight, sonny? Well, first I'd try putting the guidance system in reverse.
Brilliant idea.
Do you think it would work? It's scientifically feasible.
However, out there, there's no guarantee.
No matter.
I'm ready to try anything.
What has an old man got to lose? - Not much, I guess.
- Then it's all settled.
- You'll go at once.
- Me? But you're the one who would have to change, Dr.
Smith.
Surely you don't expect an old party like me to risk a test flight.
I might have a seizure en route and then you'd never know what happened.
As a dedicated scientist it's your duty to make the flight.
Well, I would, if I could persuade Dad to let me go.
Good heavens-- an intellectual giant with your maturity having to ask permission from Daddy.
- He's still my father.
- But not your intellectual equal.
He's pretty good.
I'd feel a lot better if he knew more than I did.
It's not much fun when you have to explain things to your own father and everyone else besides.
Ah, what filial devotion.
Think how proud he'd be when you told him why you did it after you get back.
If the reversibility principle works - I'll be the way I was before too.
- Mmm.
How happy it will make your dear mother to have her own little Willie back with her again, huh? [ Chuckling, Gibbering .]
Bon voyage.
Bon voyage.
- What's happening? - Such courage.
Such devotion.
You have a remarkable son, Professor.
Dr.
Smith, you'd better explain, and quickly.
He's reversing the irreversible.
What do you mean, Dr.
Smith? He'll be your own darling little Willie again and when I go, I shall come back my own former youthful, handsome self.
- Well, you crazy old fool! - John, please.
Go get Penny, will you? We've got to get over there.
You're coming too, foxy Grandpa.
Steady, Major, steady.
I still have a delicate back, you know.
[ Groaning .]
Steady.
[ Whooshing .]
- [ Thuds .]
- Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
Oh! I'm not sure that's the same ship.
What do you think, John? I don't know.
It does look a little different.
Will? [ Shouting .]
[ Shouting Continues .]
[ All Gasp .]
- [ Maureen .]
Don, don't.
- [ Shouts .]
- Mom, is it really-- - What is he saying? - I wish I knew.
- Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
The poor boy has reversed himself beyond all recognition.
Don't you recognize me, Willie? It's Dr.
Zachary Smith, your loyal and lifelong friend.
Oh, words cannot express what I feel for you at this very moment.
But I'm sure some words will come to me presently.
In the meantime, have you any hopeful news for me? - [ Shouts .]
- [ Gasping .]
Robot! [ Shouting .]
Translate.
"Where is my other vehicle? It was here.
- Where is my other vehicle?" - Thank goodness it's not Will.
Then who is it? Who is it? [ Shouting .]
"It was here.
It belongs to me.
" Translate message that it will return soon.
It was taken by my son, Will, but not for long.
[ Speaking Alien Language .]
[ Shouting .]
"I demand it now.
I demand it now.
" He must give us a little time.
[ Speaking Alien Language .]
- [ Screams .]
- Don, are you all right? - Just stung.
- [ Shouting .]
"Silence.
" [ Whimpering .]
Frankly, sir you see before you an unhappy creature who until a few short hours ago was in the full flower of his youth.
Don't you realize he can't understand one word? - He might hear the plea for pity in my voice.
- [ Shouts .]
- "You are the king?" - Oh, yes.
Until a little while ago, I was truly a monarch a veritable emperor of a man.
- [ Snarling .]
- What are you-- [ Sobbing, Gibbering .]
You wouldn't hurt me, would you? You wouldn't hurt an old man.
[ Shouting .]
"I wait.
C-300.
" He goes by light velocity.
He'll wait five minutes.
What are you doing? [ Gasps .]
What if Will isn't back in five minutes? He's got Smith as a hostage, I guess-- our king.
Don, if I can attract his attention maybe you can work your way around behind him.
- I'll try.
- Robot? Request alien's permission to examine his velocimeter.
- Understood? - Affirmative.
My friend, try to make this creature understand that I was speaking only figuratively when I referred to myself as a monarch.
Negative.
Computers preempted for more important processing.
[ Robot Speaking Alien Language .]
[ Alien Growling .]
[ Gasping .]
I don't understand! [ Thud .]
Will! Watch out! Stay inside! Hold your fire, unless we can hit him without endangering Will.
Will! Be careful! - What are you doing here? - Ah, Willie.
I think I've got good news for you.
Good news? Look there.
He's going to punish you for borrowing his ship by abducting me.
I'll be shanghaied to a terrible fate.
Not if I can explain why I took it.
- Help me, Willie.
Help me.
- I'll try.
[ Snarls .]
Hello, there.
We were wondering when you'd show up.
I hope you're not angry because I borrowed your vehicle.
Twice.
The first time, I did it because I got carried away.
And the second time, I did it for Dr.
Smith.
Yes, he did it.
It was for me.
I wanted to test out its irrev-- - its irrev-- - [ Dr.
Smith .]
Willie? To see whether it could change him back.
He wasn't always the way he is now.
He never had this beard before he took a ride in your vehicle.
I guess that makes three rides we took in all.
- [ Growling .]
- [ Gasping .]
Don, don't shoot! Maybe I can talk him out of it.
- Let him try.
- I hope you'll let Dr.
Smith go.
Because if you're thinking of taking him back to where you come from-- wherever that is-- and making him a slave or something personally, I don't think it'll work.
- No, no, no.
- He's not much use when it comes to work anyway.
- And he can't live much longer.
- Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
Unless you take him up for a ride in your vehicle and change him back.
- He'd be very grateful, and so would I.
- We would.
We definitely would.
- [ Will .]
Do you understand? - [ Growling .]
- No! Willie! - Wait! What are you doing to him? No! What are you doing to him? [ Dr.
Smith .]
Willie! Do something, Willie! Don't take him away! Dr.
Smith! - [ Growling .]
- [ Whimpering .]
- [ Will .]
Oh, no! - [ Spaceship Blasting Off .]
Will.
I guess it didn't do much good talking to that alien.
We'll never see Dr.
Smith again.
Ohh.
Oh, poor Dr.
Smith.
All we can do is hope that wherever he is, he'll survive.
Maybe he'll be a brain, like I was.
You mean, you're not a brain anymore? Not half as much as Dad or Don.
Well, there's not much more we can do here.
- Let's go back to camp.
- Yeah.
Come on.
[ Whooshing .]
[ Thud .]
"In memory of Dr.
Zachary Smith who was transferred from this spot to the vast unknown of the sixth dimension.
Gone but not forgotten.
" Indeed.
And indeed.
And indeed.
It did what I asked.
To paraphrase a 19th-century master of the written word the report of my disappearance seems to have been greatly exaggerated.
Well, I think I can guess where he's going but, uh, I still don't know why he came here.
This would probably explain it, if I could understand it.
He gave it to me just before he let me go.
The Robot might know.
Splendid idea.
Of course, it could be a key to his city for an honored guest.
Translate it for us, my dear friend.
"I bid you farewell.
Planet is unsuitable as extragalactic relay station.
From the brave youth, I have learned your speech.
I knocked off some of the bearded one's years to please the youth.
He sure is a dandy.
" Oh! Of all the ungenerous ingrates! He could have made me a few years younger than I was before.
[ Chuckling .]
Oh.
Smith, you haven't changed a bit.
Come on.
As for you, sir, I'll attend to you later.
[ Chuckling .]
- Is this the place? - Yes.
But as I told you before, the laser pistol is beyond recovery.
You know we've never checked out this particular area.
I ought to wring your neck for allowing Will to come here.
He wanted to collect some unusual rock specimens.
Besides, why all this fuss about one small, unimportant weapon? Anyone would think I had lost the crown jewels.
Well, as far as I'm concerned, that laser's a lot more valuable.
- We need it, and we're gonna get it.
- Very well, if you insist.
I certainly do.
Yes.
There it is, on the floor of the cave.
For two buttons and an old shoestring, I'd make you climb down there and get it.
Oh, you wouldn't.
You know that I have a phobia about heights.
I get extremely dizzy.
- Losing the pistol was an accident-- ask Will.
- I did.
He said you heard this sound, drew your laser and then this small lizard appeared.
You screamed, dropped the pistol and ran.
You have your facts completely awry, sir.
In the first place, the lizard was not small, it was huge.
In the second place, I did not drop my pistol.
The reptile flung it from my grasp.
And in the third place, I did not scream and run.
I made a calm, orderly retreat.
Knowing your unquestioned bravery in the past, I can believe that.
All right.
I'll get the laser.
- All you've got to do is hold on to the rope.
- Yes, yes.
I can do that.
Never fear, Smith is here.
You're in good hands.
- All right, now pay it out slowly.
- Yes, I can do that.
- Careful.
- All right.
Slow.
- All right.
A little more slack.
- More slack coming up.
[ Crashing .]
- It's a cave-in! - Pull up on the rope! I'm coming up! [ Screams .]