Milo Murphy's Law (2016) s01e29 Episode Script
World Without Milo
1 [TITLE MUSIC.]
# Look at that sun Look at that sky # # Look at my sweater vest I look so fly # # Look at that mailbox Look at that tree # # It's about as beautiful as it can be # # Whoa # Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Whoa - # We're all livin' in it # - # Whoa # Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # [MUSIC.]
[GRUNTS.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
- Stop! - Huh? [MUSIC PLAYS.]
ALL: Oh! Milo! - Hi, Elliot, how's the safety game? - It's not a game, Milo.
I take safety very seriously because safety is my business.
Okay.
How's the safety business? Can't speak for the rest of the town, but right here, on my post, things are under control.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON THE RADIO.]
DRIVER: # Ground beef, breadcrumbs # Some onions and a [SCREAMS.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
Actually, these feel good on my sore knee.
[MUSIC.]
[BATS SQUEALING.]
[GROANS.]
Okay, everyone, it's safe.
[BLIMP ENGINE WHIRRING.]
Come on, let's go! Oh, sweet mother of safety! That blimp is out of control.
[ALL SCREAMING.]
GIRL: Polyester, it burns.
Don't panic, Elliot's here to rescue you.
I've had days of self-imposed crisis management training and there's no reason to worry.
See, you're fine now! Elliot Decker's here! You? Milo was the one with the blimp scissors.
We wouldn't need scissors, if we didn't have a Milo.
Uh, what are you trying to say, Elliot? I'm saying that Milo is a menace, and this world would be a better place without him.
[ALL GASP.]
Oh, snap! That's a terrible thing to say, Elliot.
Yeah, Elliot, that was pretty cold.
I wonder what it would be like, living in a world without Milo.
[MUSIC.]
If Milo weren't around If he wasn't here If that Murphy kid would only disappear I'd stop to sing and dance Think I might even cheer Put on my party pants I wouldn't shed a tear World would be a safer place Without his little infrastructure crushing face I'm really only thinking of the human race And how much better off we'd be If Milo were in space Every day the sun would shine We'd hear the bells of safety chime I'd retire this caution sign There'd be no peril, risk, jeopardy or hazards in a world without Milo In a world without Milo In a world without Milo In a world without Milo In a world without Milo Hmm! [SIGHS.]
Ah, here comes Milo's friends.
So, I've been living right next to them for years and they don't know who I am.
So, where's your buddy Milo? - Who's Milo? - Milo! You know that kid that you and Melissa hang out with.
- Who's Melissa? - I'm Melissa.
Oh, yeah, from science class.
- And you're Zack, right? - Yeah, nice to finally meet you.
- I'm Chad - Quit kidding around, you two! - Where's Milo? - I'm also in your science class.
- Milo? Is he new? - Oh, forget it! Oh, I get it! Very funny! Let's all play a joke on the stalwart and surprisingly handsome Safety Czar.
Well, joke's over.
- Where is he? Milo! - Who are you talking about? The wide-eyed kid with the backpack.
His hair stands straight up in front.
- Odd shoes.
- You mean that guy? You guys are mean.
- No, not you, Terry.
Milo! - Sorry, Elliot, just doesn't ring a bell.
What? Oh, no, no, no! If there's no Milo, then why is his name on the back of my sign? Wait, no.
It should say, "Milo," here.
Who messed with my sign? Oh, you've pushed it too far now! [BOTH SCOFF.]
You, dark hair and glasses, get over here.
- I have a name, you know.
- Don't care.
You know that guy who's always causing problems and messing things up? - What's his name? - You mean, Terry? TERRY: Dude, I've got feelings! [SCOFFS.]
Get out of here and go to school.
You can't have everyone in on this gag! Wait.
Sara! Sara Murphy! Yeah? Can I help you? - It's me, Elliot! - Elliot? Elliot Decker, from high school? I was a senior, when you were a sophomore.
- Uh, sorry! Uh - Wait, wait, wait, wait! Do you have a brother named Milo? - Milo Murphy? - No! No brother.
Only child! Whoa! And no plans in the family to have another one anytime soon? Yeah, listen.
I have everywhere else, I need to be.
[GROWLS.]
Okay, then, well, I'll see you later, I guess.
Milo was never born, he really doesn't exist! This is what I've always wanted.
To keep people safe.
Yes! [SCREAMING.]
Yes! Let safety reign.
["REIGN" ECHOING.]
Uh-oh! [TIRES SCREECHING.]
- Okay, everybody.
Just stay back and - It's okay.
I got it! I guess, I'll just wait for the next emergency.
Huh.
Okay.
I guess I'll just sit over here [MUSIC.]
and wait for the next emergency.
[BELL RINGING.]
Careful, there, little guy.
This is crazy! I need to help somebody! I know what I can do.
- Is all this really necessary? - I'm just setting the scene.
[SPITS.]
- Not gonna happen, man! - Fine, we'll skip the hair.
Okay! You know what to do, right? Action! [SIGHS.]
Oh, no! I spilled my marbles all over the ground - ELLIOT: You didn't spill the marbles.
- What? I didn't I didn't hear what you said, I was reading ELLIOT: I said, "You didn't spill the marbles.
" You gotta say You gotta say the line as you're spilling the marbles.
[SCOFFS.]
Oh, no! I spilled my marbles all over the ground.
Stop, citizen, that's dangerous.
Someone could slip! [VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING.]
Oh! There! I've averted a tragedy and the town is safe once again! [SOBBING.]
Oh, who am I kidding? It's not the same.
- Do I still get my five bucks? - Do the line.
Thank you, Safety Czar.
[SIGHS.]
I have to make things safe.
But I can't make things safe, when everything's safe.
This is exactly what I've always wanted but I'm not happy.
The sad fact is, that once you've been striving to stop, is exactly what you need to justify your place in the world.
Elliot, you need Milo.
You're right, if this world has no Milo, what does it need me for? Without Milo, who [SCREAMS.]
Talking squirrel! [SCOFFS.]
Well, that was rude.
[PANTING.]
The squirrel was right, Elliot! You need me, Elliot! I have a name, you know.
Well, that was rude.
[BARKS.]
Diogee, go home! [SOBBING.]
Oh, Milo! - Hey, did that guys just say Milo? - Good heavens! [ENGINE STARTS.]
[GROANS.]
[CRYING, SCREAMING.]
[HORN BLOWING.]
Hey, you.
Aren't you the guy we saw yelling Milo earlier? [PANTING.]
Milo? What? - You know about Milo? - A little, a little.
Yes, sorry, we went back in time and maybe messed up the space-time continuum, a little bit.
- And by we, he means, him - Yeah, anyway, so in this alternate version of this universe, Milo was never born.
But wait, if there's no Milo, how come there are Milo balloons? Yeah, there's no Milo in this time stream but there are Milo balloons! - Go figure.
- And talking squirrels.
Yeah, what's up with that? [SOBS.]
Normally, I would be amazed at the very possibility of time travel, but I'm so despondent over my total irrelevance in a world without Milo, that I can't even think about that right now.
Ah, don't worry, we'll go back and fix it! - After lunch.
- Before lunch.
Before lunch.
What difference could it make? Wait, why am I the only one who remembers the other time stream? - The one with Milo in it? - I don't know.
- Is that a lead-lined stop sign? - Yeah.
Maybe, it shielded your brain from time waves.
[CRASHES.]
[GRUNTS.]
You did not however shield your head from that lamp post.
So, where are we gonna go for lunch? He wants to go fix the time stream first.
Oh, but then I won't exist.
[MUSIC.]
[GASPS.]
It was all a dream.
Giant Milo balloons, the talking squirrel, time travels, I ran into a lamp post? Wait, why am I wearing my clothes? Well, honey, I'm not sure about all that other stuff but you certainly ran into a lamp post.
- Well, how did I get inside? - Oh, I brought you in.
You're so big now, I had to use a furniture dolly.
Wait a minute, does that mean? Oh! It says Milo.
- Milo! [SOBBING.]
- Um Good to see you, Elliot.
Milo, I don't ever want to not see you anymore.
- Every again! - Uh, thanks, Elliot.
That's the nicest sentence anyone's ever messed up for me.
- Yeah, thanks Elliot.
- Thanks, Elliot.
- Thanks Elliot.
- Thanks Elliot.
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
Don't worry, we're on it! It's my world and we're all livin' in it [MUSIC.]
We're all livin' in it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go MILO: Oh, thanks, everybody! That is so motivational.
Go, Milo Go, Milo, go Whoa I'm not sitting here watching the world turn You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go It's my world and we're all livin' in it
# Look at that sun Look at that sky # # Look at my sweater vest I look so fly # # Look at that mailbox Look at that tree # # It's about as beautiful as it can be # # Whoa # Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Whoa - # We're all livin' in it # - # Whoa # Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # [MUSIC.]
[GRUNTS.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
- Stop! - Huh? [MUSIC PLAYS.]
ALL: Oh! Milo! - Hi, Elliot, how's the safety game? - It's not a game, Milo.
I take safety very seriously because safety is my business.
Okay.
How's the safety business? Can't speak for the rest of the town, but right here, on my post, things are under control.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON THE RADIO.]
DRIVER: # Ground beef, breadcrumbs # Some onions and a [SCREAMS.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
Actually, these feel good on my sore knee.
[MUSIC.]
[BATS SQUEALING.]
[GROANS.]
Okay, everyone, it's safe.
[BLIMP ENGINE WHIRRING.]
Come on, let's go! Oh, sweet mother of safety! That blimp is out of control.
[ALL SCREAMING.]
GIRL: Polyester, it burns.
Don't panic, Elliot's here to rescue you.
I've had days of self-imposed crisis management training and there's no reason to worry.
See, you're fine now! Elliot Decker's here! You? Milo was the one with the blimp scissors.
We wouldn't need scissors, if we didn't have a Milo.
Uh, what are you trying to say, Elliot? I'm saying that Milo is a menace, and this world would be a better place without him.
[ALL GASP.]
Oh, snap! That's a terrible thing to say, Elliot.
Yeah, Elliot, that was pretty cold.
I wonder what it would be like, living in a world without Milo.
[MUSIC.]
If Milo weren't around If he wasn't here If that Murphy kid would only disappear I'd stop to sing and dance Think I might even cheer Put on my party pants I wouldn't shed a tear World would be a safer place Without his little infrastructure crushing face I'm really only thinking of the human race And how much better off we'd be If Milo were in space Every day the sun would shine We'd hear the bells of safety chime I'd retire this caution sign There'd be no peril, risk, jeopardy or hazards in a world without Milo In a world without Milo In a world without Milo In a world without Milo In a world without Milo Hmm! [SIGHS.]
Ah, here comes Milo's friends.
So, I've been living right next to them for years and they don't know who I am.
So, where's your buddy Milo? - Who's Milo? - Milo! You know that kid that you and Melissa hang out with.
- Who's Melissa? - I'm Melissa.
Oh, yeah, from science class.
- And you're Zack, right? - Yeah, nice to finally meet you.
- I'm Chad - Quit kidding around, you two! - Where's Milo? - I'm also in your science class.
- Milo? Is he new? - Oh, forget it! Oh, I get it! Very funny! Let's all play a joke on the stalwart and surprisingly handsome Safety Czar.
Well, joke's over.
- Where is he? Milo! - Who are you talking about? The wide-eyed kid with the backpack.
His hair stands straight up in front.
- Odd shoes.
- You mean that guy? You guys are mean.
- No, not you, Terry.
Milo! - Sorry, Elliot, just doesn't ring a bell.
What? Oh, no, no, no! If there's no Milo, then why is his name on the back of my sign? Wait, no.
It should say, "Milo," here.
Who messed with my sign? Oh, you've pushed it too far now! [BOTH SCOFF.]
You, dark hair and glasses, get over here.
- I have a name, you know.
- Don't care.
You know that guy who's always causing problems and messing things up? - What's his name? - You mean, Terry? TERRY: Dude, I've got feelings! [SCOFFS.]
Get out of here and go to school.
You can't have everyone in on this gag! Wait.
Sara! Sara Murphy! Yeah? Can I help you? - It's me, Elliot! - Elliot? Elliot Decker, from high school? I was a senior, when you were a sophomore.
- Uh, sorry! Uh - Wait, wait, wait, wait! Do you have a brother named Milo? - Milo Murphy? - No! No brother.
Only child! Whoa! And no plans in the family to have another one anytime soon? Yeah, listen.
I have everywhere else, I need to be.
[GROWLS.]
Okay, then, well, I'll see you later, I guess.
Milo was never born, he really doesn't exist! This is what I've always wanted.
To keep people safe.
Yes! [SCREAMING.]
Yes! Let safety reign.
["REIGN" ECHOING.]
Uh-oh! [TIRES SCREECHING.]
- Okay, everybody.
Just stay back and - It's okay.
I got it! I guess, I'll just wait for the next emergency.
Huh.
Okay.
I guess I'll just sit over here [MUSIC.]
and wait for the next emergency.
[BELL RINGING.]
Careful, there, little guy.
This is crazy! I need to help somebody! I know what I can do.
- Is all this really necessary? - I'm just setting the scene.
[SPITS.]
- Not gonna happen, man! - Fine, we'll skip the hair.
Okay! You know what to do, right? Action! [SIGHS.]
Oh, no! I spilled my marbles all over the ground - ELLIOT: You didn't spill the marbles.
- What? I didn't I didn't hear what you said, I was reading ELLIOT: I said, "You didn't spill the marbles.
" You gotta say You gotta say the line as you're spilling the marbles.
[SCOFFS.]
Oh, no! I spilled my marbles all over the ground.
Stop, citizen, that's dangerous.
Someone could slip! [VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING.]
Oh! There! I've averted a tragedy and the town is safe once again! [SOBBING.]
Oh, who am I kidding? It's not the same.
- Do I still get my five bucks? - Do the line.
Thank you, Safety Czar.
[SIGHS.]
I have to make things safe.
But I can't make things safe, when everything's safe.
This is exactly what I've always wanted but I'm not happy.
The sad fact is, that once you've been striving to stop, is exactly what you need to justify your place in the world.
Elliot, you need Milo.
You're right, if this world has no Milo, what does it need me for? Without Milo, who [SCREAMS.]
Talking squirrel! [SCOFFS.]
Well, that was rude.
[PANTING.]
The squirrel was right, Elliot! You need me, Elliot! I have a name, you know.
Well, that was rude.
[BARKS.]
Diogee, go home! [SOBBING.]
Oh, Milo! - Hey, did that guys just say Milo? - Good heavens! [ENGINE STARTS.]
[GROANS.]
[CRYING, SCREAMING.]
[HORN BLOWING.]
Hey, you.
Aren't you the guy we saw yelling Milo earlier? [PANTING.]
Milo? What? - You know about Milo? - A little, a little.
Yes, sorry, we went back in time and maybe messed up the space-time continuum, a little bit.
- And by we, he means, him - Yeah, anyway, so in this alternate version of this universe, Milo was never born.
But wait, if there's no Milo, how come there are Milo balloons? Yeah, there's no Milo in this time stream but there are Milo balloons! - Go figure.
- And talking squirrels.
Yeah, what's up with that? [SOBS.]
Normally, I would be amazed at the very possibility of time travel, but I'm so despondent over my total irrelevance in a world without Milo, that I can't even think about that right now.
Ah, don't worry, we'll go back and fix it! - After lunch.
- Before lunch.
Before lunch.
What difference could it make? Wait, why am I the only one who remembers the other time stream? - The one with Milo in it? - I don't know.
- Is that a lead-lined stop sign? - Yeah.
Maybe, it shielded your brain from time waves.
[CRASHES.]
[GRUNTS.]
You did not however shield your head from that lamp post.
So, where are we gonna go for lunch? He wants to go fix the time stream first.
Oh, but then I won't exist.
[MUSIC.]
[GASPS.]
It was all a dream.
Giant Milo balloons, the talking squirrel, time travels, I ran into a lamp post? Wait, why am I wearing my clothes? Well, honey, I'm not sure about all that other stuff but you certainly ran into a lamp post.
- Well, how did I get inside? - Oh, I brought you in.
You're so big now, I had to use a furniture dolly.
Wait a minute, does that mean? Oh! It says Milo.
- Milo! [SOBBING.]
- Um Good to see you, Elliot.
Milo, I don't ever want to not see you anymore.
- Every again! - Uh, thanks, Elliot.
That's the nicest sentence anyone's ever messed up for me.
- Yeah, thanks Elliot.
- Thanks, Elliot.
- Thanks Elliot.
- Thanks Elliot.
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
Don't worry, we're on it! It's my world and we're all livin' in it [MUSIC.]
We're all livin' in it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go MILO: Oh, thanks, everybody! That is so motivational.
Go, Milo Go, Milo, go Whoa I'm not sitting here watching the world turn You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go It's my world and we're all livin' in it