Bewitched (1964) s01e30 Episode Script

At what time do you wish to officially begin our fun-filled Sunday? - Like, say 11? - Like, say 11 it is.
Let's sleep late, huh, sweetheart? And in the afternoon we can do any crazy, wonderful thing we think of.
Roger.
Over and out.
Darrin, promise me, Eagle Scout's honour, you won't change your mind and wish you'd played golf tomorrow.
Promise.
Scout's honour.
Lovely morning.
Lovely.
Locked myself out.
It happens to me all the time.
- I'm afraid it was my fault.
- Your fault? I distracted you when I said it was a lovely morning, remember? Mr.
Darrin Stephens, isn't it? Oh, yes.
- I'm Pleasure O'Riley's baby sister.
- Well, son of a gun.
Holding down the fort while she's on her honeymoon.
Welcome to Morning Glory Circle, Miss D.
D.
O'Riley.
The first D stands for Dora, naturally too cube to use as my professional modelling name, so I added an extra big D.
- And that stands for? - Danger.
- Nice to meet you, Danger.
- It's nice to meet you, Darrin.
We seem to have a lot in common, don't we? - How's that? - We're both early risers.
Oh, that, yes.
I hate to wake Sam now My wife, but Oh, then don't.
I have coffee on, so that's no problem.
By the way, how do you like it? Your coffee.
On the other hand, maybe I had better wake her.
Let her get her beauty sleep.
You have a choice.
Strawberry waffles or blueberry pancakes.
Blueberry pancakes? You're kidding.
That's my favourite breakfast.
How about that? It's a small world, isn't it? - Yeah.
- Come on.
Darrin? Sweetheart? Good morning, darling.
Thank you for letting me sleep After Mom passed away and Pleasure went to work modelling I learned all I know about cooking from being a Camp Fire girl.
- Are they the way you like them? - Delicious.
Thanks very much.
I just came over for some coffee.
- Can't let them go to waste, can we? - Thank you very much.
- Hello.
- Hello.
This is Mrs.
Stephens, your neighbour.
Is Mr.
Stephens there? Yes, he's right here.
How do you do, neighbour? I'm Pleasure O'Riley's baby sister, Danger O'Riley.
Danger O'Ri? Hello, Danger.
It certainly is a pleasure.
I felt guilty this morning when your husband got locked out because I distracted him while he was getting the paper.
I fed him breakfast to make up for it.
Naturally.
We didn't dare wake you while you were sleeping.
Boy, what an appetite this husband of yours has.
He's like a lion.
Yes, I know.
Good morning, honey.
Good morning, darling.
It seems you've started our fun-filled Sunday without me.
How long have you been baby-sister-sitting? Just for a short while, dear.
I'll be right there and tell you about it - Look at the dishwasher.
- Oh, no.
Honey, there's an emergency.
The dam just broke.
I'll call you later.
Darrin? - Where do you turn off your water? - I don't know.
Well, where do you keep your mops? Hello.
What's the latest bulletin from the flood area? Gee, I'm sorry to borrow Darrin this long, Mrs.
Stephens but the Jiffy Plumbing Company is just taking forever to get here.
Darrin is such a dream about helping me mop up the kitchen.
Isn't that sweet? Sweetheart The trouble, you see, is it's Sunday.
Well, don't worry, Darrin.
Let's all wait a little longer, and it'll be Monday.
Yes Goodbye.
- Hello, George.
- Endora.
I hope I'm not interrupting your nice little party.
Not at all, I'm just resting.
What's the happy reason for this surprise visit? It's your old playmate Samantha and I'm afraid it's not all that happy.
If you could have seen the sad look on the face of my poor lost child playing solitaire.
Samantha reduced to solitaire? I don't believe it.
To Samantha, the only one that got away.
How my daughter can prefer that terrestrial existence to gracious living in a land of endless enchantment and married to that mundane mortal, is more than l - Warlock George.
- Endora.
You are giving birth to an idea of incredible devilment with me, I trust, in the star role? I, Endora do beseech you, George, dream prince of mischief to rescue Samantha from suburbian solitaire by zeroing down on and wooing my delinquent witch daughter back to her senses.
A perfectly wizard notion Endora.
Shall I go as a wolf? No.
It's too obvious.
Why not your old nimbus, the one that so inspired Edgar Allan Poe.
Wizard.
Solitaire for Samantha nevermore.
That's my boy.
Go on, go to it.
That's the way.
Sam, I am sorry about yesterday, but I obviously couldn't leave that kid all alone with the kitchen flooded.
How true.
I had no idea Jiffy Plumbing Company would take three hours to get there.
- That's probably Miss O'Riley now.
- Who else? Sam, she doesn't have a car, and she has a very important modelling engagement.
I offered to give her a lift.
Well, you mustn't keep Lolita waiting.
Gee, Darrin, I hate to rush, but would you mind hurrying? I'm almost late.
Hi, Mrs.
Stephens.
Goodbye, sweetheart.
Anything I can bring you tonight? Yes, a new deck of cards.
- Bye, sweetheart.
- Bye, darling.
- George.
Well, I should've known.
- Hi there, Cinderella.
Your prince charming has come to take you to the ball we used to have.
- What are you doing here, George? - What are you doing here, Samantha? - I live here.
- You merely exist here.
I felt the vibrations of your unhappiness all the way up there.
So I decided to swoop down like Lochinvar and Like Lucifer.
Listen, my fine-feathered friend I'm not supposed to be happy every minute.
I'm married.
Got the message.
I decided to rescue you from your gilded, domestic cage.
George, for old times' sake, do me one last favour.
Disappear.
With you by my side, wild heart.
Forget it, George.
I'd rather be a contented Earth woman married to a mortal any day.
And that's that.
Samantha, I've been put on this earth for one purpose: To eliminate your stale negatives and accentuate your old bewitching positives.
George, what? George, please.
Basic black.
Now, that suits you.
Okay.
Bye-bye, blackbird.
Unfold those gossamer wings and fly back home to my mama, who put you up to this.
Oh, Mother, when are you going to stop? This is my life, and I am deliriously happy, married to that normal kind, loving only-on-occasion-thoughtful human, Darrin Stephens.
- I give up.
- You do? - Before I leave - You will vanish this instant.
Otherwise, I will be forced to use drastic methods.
What kind of magic is that supposed to be? This is a wedding ring.
Good.
Hi there, birdie.
Cute little bird.
Bye-bye, birdie.
Well, then, how about this, fellas? "Here's the key to your secretary's happiness a new electric Feather Touch typewriter.
" - Well, Darrin, so far - So bad.
I wouldn't say that, Stephens.
- A layout like that could be very - Adequate, Porterfield? If the client marks us mediocre, we can say bye-bye to the Feather Touch account.
So all McMann & Tate has to do is come up with a new sales campaign that's merely brilliant.
They will sign that new deal for 2 million in gross billings.
Feather Touch.
Feather Touch.
A brand-new electric typewriter that requires a new image for billboards along freeways magazine copy, television commercials.
An eye-grabbing trademark that will talk to the customer.
And when we find the perfect image, it could be under our nose.
Darrin, you have a match? - Will you look at that bird? - I'm looking.
Right under our noses? Darrin boy, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Larry boy, I am thinking what you're thinking.
What a perfect product image for a series of TV commercials.
Will you look at that crazy crow? That sweet bird, play that keyboard like music from a cash register.
Boys, the copy should write itself.
"We're raven about Feather Touch.
You will too.
" A cartoon balloon from the raven's mouth, Edgar Allan Poe style: "Nevermore any problems for your secretary.
" I'll buy that, until you can think of something better.
Miss Thatcher, will you come in please? Will you find a pet shop that's open and order a large cage for this raven and a sack of their best birdseed? Mr.
Stephens will pick it up.
Yes, sir.
- Did I hear you right, Mr.
Tate? - You heard me right, Miss Thatcher.
Go.
Gentlemen, I like this bird.
He'll be a credit to Madison Avenue.
Look at him.
- There, in all his commercial glory - Piquant bankable charm Stands our new Feather Touch trademark.
Go to work, Darrin.
It's your account.
From now on, this bird is your baby.
- Samantha? Sam? - Yes, darling? Surprise, surprise, we have a houseguest.
You'll never guess who.
Danger O'Riley.
Oh, come on, honey.
It's our new $2 million trademark for the Feather Touch account.
Ta-da! A fantastic raven.
Wait till you see the tricks he does.
You'll never believe it.
Maybe I will.
Do everything you can to keep him happy, won't you? If our brainstorm works out and the sketches I intend to make tonight jell - Tonight? Here? - Yeah.
- Is there a window open someplace? - In the bedroom.
I better close it before I let him out.
I think our bedroom closet might be the safest place for him to sleep.
I don't think so.
How about that? He also croaks "Bird in a Gilded Cage.
" I intend to catch him in all his cute moods.
You've caught him in one right now.
Darrin, I wanna talk to you.
Come down here right away.
- Darrin, this is no ordinary bird.
- You're right, he's a genius.
Honey, don't tell me you're afraid of this charming fella.
Look at that.
How can you resist him? It's easy.
Okay, genius, the jig's up.
Darrin, you're entitled to the truth.
I used to date this funny bird.
Darrin Stephens, I'd like you to meet George the mischief-making home-wrecker.
Charmed to meet you in the flesh, advertising man.
But he How could he? Why did he? Honey, Larry and I, we I gotta get another bird! Oh, Sam, am I losing my mind? No, you're not, and you're not losing me either.
I give you my word that my meddling mother is not going to break up this human home.
All right, Endora, where are you hiding? Let's have this out right now, face to face.
Oh, let's.
- Just when is this going to stop? - Now, now, Darrin there's no need to shout and get yourself all upset.
Upset? Will you be quiet for a minute? Can't you see how happy we are? Doesn't that mean anything? All I've seen lately is that fun Sunday you didn't have with my daughter.
You turned her into the solitaire champion of the universe.
Yesterday could not be helped.
It was an accident.
Danger O'Riley.
Some accident.
I'll take care of you later.
No, look, Endora, I realize that into every life a little rain must fall, but this is ridiculous.
You have personally set back the mother-in-law business 200 years.
- Mother.
- What? For my sake, will you please go and take this big loon with you? Good.
If you don't get out, I'm gonna throw you out.
Darrin, don't.
- That's in bad taste, George.
- I think he's kind of cute.
- Tell the truth, I like him better that way.
- George, please.
Darrin, would you answer that? Darrin, I hope I'm not disturbing you, but do you know what I just did? You agreed to sell Girl Scout cookies door to door.
No.
I had a roast in the oven, and I was opening the door and it just fell off and went just like that.
I hate to impose on you.
I see you're entertaining.
Our guest was just leaving.
Then do you mind, Mrs.
Stephens, if Darrin tries to fix it? He's so handy.
May I volunteer to aid a beautiful lady in distress? Samantha may be the world's greatest solitaire player but I happened to have majored in oven doors at Oxford.
You did? Danger O'Riley, I'd like you to meet George Raven.
George Raven.
What a funny name.
But it's awfully sweet of you.
Bye.
- Isn't that sweet? - I'm not so sure.
I just opened the oven door, and it went just like that.
Just like that.
Hey, aren't you Mr.
Wonderful? And you learned it all at Oxford, Mr.
Raven.
Soda or water? Soda, please.
Sam, will you look at this? I think she's invited that big spook to stay till dinner.
I invited you to dinner once, remember? What's wrong with a witch being attracted to a mortal? You did the honourable thing.
You told me what you were so I was able to cope with this This Copeless situation.
- Miss O'Riley? - Yes, Mr.
Raven? You're a sweet human being along with being very beautiful.
Even though you're from Oxford, you needn't be so formal.
Call me Danger if you like.
Well, I like.
But you may change your mind when you find out that I'm a warlock.
Oh, well - You are? - Yes.
Well, so? This is a free country, isn't it? Anyone has the right to go to the church of their choice.
Look, Sam Can't we try to be adult about this situation? I'm game.
You start.
Come on, Sam, it's only natural to be concerned when a naive kid like Danger O'Riley - Naive? My fat Aunt Harriett.
I didn't know you had an Aunt Harriett.
"Warlock.
Deceiver, a breaker of his word a name for the devil, a male witch.
" - A monster, malicious imp, demon.
Aren't you being too hard on yourself, George? Nobody's perfect.
Miss O'Riley, you are a true innocent.
At this stage of our budding relationship, gallantry impels me to demonstrate the dangerous extent of my powers.
Hey! That's very good, George.
I think I know how it's done.
I used to go with a magician.
He taught me this one.
See? I didn't go with him very long.
What are you going to do? If you won't warn that kid she's entertaining a warlock, I will.
I wouldn't do that if l - You're not.
- Hi again, Stephenses.
We found each other.
Would you like to help us celebrate? I destroyed your campaign, chum.
The least I can do is repair your spirit.
I can always find a new bird, but talking about spirits Did you tell her, George? Oh, sure, he tried to put me off with all those little tricks.
But I say when a person is attracted to another one, why fight it? George, you failed me.
Endora, you can't win them all.
Whatever happened to your old black magic, your old fatal charm? Let's face it, his was stronger than mine.
Or words to that effect.
Now will you ever doubt that I love you only? Nevermore.