Clarence US (2014) s01e30 Episode Script
Suspended
1 [remote clicks.]
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Birds chirping.]
And that's Euclid's proof of the "infinitude of primes.
" Sumo: More like useless proof! [Laughter.]
Jeff: Shh, we need to know this! - Sumo: No, we don't! It's boring! - "Infinitude of primes.
" - Sumo: Did you bring the wrench? - Jeff: Yes.
[Laughter.]
But I need it back.
It's the only wrench that can swap out sonar sotocyber's lace jabots.
Hey! [Laughter.]
Clarence: We're gonna do a prank on Ms.
Baker.
Jeff: You're pranking a teacher on test day?! You're not putting my grades at risk! Give it back! Give it back! [laughs.]
Jeff: I said give it back! Sumo! Jeff, pay attention! Trust me, you'll be sorry you never learned this when you get older, okay? Okay, now, where was I? Oh, boy, Ms.
Baker needs a coffee break.
[Sighs.]
Java me up.
- Jeff: Ms.
Baker, Ms.
Baker! - Okay, not now, Jeff.
Clarence, what what the - Oh! Agh! - Clarence: Uh-oh.
[Ominous music plays.]
[Muffled shouting.]
Jeff: I told them not to do it, but does anybody ever listen to me? I'm always listening to you, Jeff.
You're lucky I'm switching to contact lenses, but this mug was irreplaceable! I got it on Beauford T.
Pusser's third birthday, and I'll I-I-I'll never get that memory back! I'm left with no other option.
- You guys are - Suspended! Suspended in disbelief when I learned what you boys did! [Slurping, gulping.]
Now, I called both of your parents already.
[Telephone ringing.]
[Indistinct screaming.]
Tanner, put that down! I swear, I am gonna spank your little butt red! [Telephones ringing.]
- Oh, my phones are ringing off the hook! - The president is on the phone! [Telephone ringing.]
It's like surround sound.
But neither of them picked up, so you're on the honor system to tell your families that for next week Uh, g-give me your hands.
- Clarence: "Sus pended"? - Sumo: Yeah, what does that mean? Don't be smart with me, boys.
No school for a whole week.
That's your punishment.
Clarence: But I don't understand.
Wouldn't it be a better punishment if we had to do more school? - Actually, that might be a good idea.
- Sumo: No! We're really sad! Clarence, we better go and reflect about our actions and all that.
See you later! Clarence: Wait, wait, wait, back up, back up, back up.
Sumo, Sumo, I need some some explanation here.
So, we don't have to go to school for a whole week? Sumo: Yeah, it's what you call a loophole.
Clarence: But what's the catch? Sumo: No catch! This is the best thing that's ever happened! Clarence: So, uh, so, uh, we can do anything we want in the whole school?! [Both laughing.]
[Laughing in distance.]
[Laughing continues.]
[Laughing weakly.]
- Sumo: Okay, I'm bored.
- Clarence: Yeah Wait a minute.
We can do anything we want in the whole world! Sumo: Okay, let's make the best of our time! We got to live each moment like it's our last! Ooh, look! [Cat hisses.]
Both: Ooh, wet cement, wet cement, wet cement wet cement, wet cement! [splat.]
- Nope, that's concrete.
- Sumo: Same thing.
Not the same thing.
Now, concrete has cement in it, but we also add gravel and sand for the strength.
Clarence: Oh, so that's the difference between concrete and cement! Sumo: What class did you learn that in? [Chuckles.]
I'm all self-taught.
Learned everything I know at life university, and this, my friends, is how you make [Neck cracks.]
a face print.
Both: Whoa.
Now, you kids move along.
I got to finish this up.
[Sighs.]
Sumo: She was so cool! Clarence: She knew so much stuff about sand and gravel and junk.
Sumo: She sure did, and she did it without help - from "the man.
" - Yeah, you could learn all kinds of stuff when you're not at school, but they didn't teach it at school.
Sumo: You got that right! [Both laughing.]
Clarence: So that's how you fix a leaky pipe! Sumo: So that's how you put out a burning building! Clarence: So that's how all those staples get there! Sumo: So that's how you apply for a high-interest savings account! [Chuckling.]
[Indistinct shouting.]
Clarence: So that's how you take down a crime boss! Sumo: So that's how you have a healthy breakup with mutual respect! Clarence: So that's how you protect your house from aliens! [Birds chirping in distance.]
[Clock ticking.]
Jeff: [sniffing.]
[Thinking.]
Let's see.
"Billy has three apples, and he's on a train going the same rate as the circumference of two wheels plus brown? How many apples are left?" Uh okay.
Well, I guess I'll just have to go with my trusty old "c.
" At least I'm not out there losing my brain cells like the dummy brothers.
Both: Ah! Clarence: So that's how everything is infinitely complex - Sumo: from the smallest atom - Clarence: to the largest galaxy - Sumo: ever expanding - Clarence: and contracting Sumo: simultaneously existing Clarence: and lifeless forever and for only a moment.
[Both shouting.]
- I think we learned too much.
- Sumo: Yeah, I kind of miss school.
Clarence: Yeah, I also miss Jeff, too.
[Clock ticking.]
[Knocking on window.]
What is it this time? Clarence: Hi, Ms.
Baker.
Can we come back to class? Sumo: Please? Sorry, guys, but rules are rules, and rules, like mugs, - are not meant to be broken.
- Sumo: And we promise to be good! My mug is now sharp.
Good day.
Clarence: [sighs.]
[Birds chirping.]
[Alarm blaring.]
[All murmuring.]
Hey, guys, don't panic! Come on, hey, guys, I It's just - Melanie, it's the boiler room again! - Not the boiler room! - Oh! Dang it! - Come on! No time! [Grunting.]
[Indistinct shouting.]
Okay, guys, don't panic.
All right, just, uh, put your pencils down, and, uh [yells.]
I said pencils down! [Shouting continues.]
[Blaring continues.]
[Indistinct shouting.]
[bugs chirping.]
[Indistinct shouting.]
[Grunting.]
[Hissing.]
[Blaring continues.]
I knew the boiler would act up again! I just hoped I'd never live to see the day! I guess it's just one of those things they don't teach you in school.
Oh my dip.
[Ominous music plays.]
Get those valves open! [All grunting.]
We're doomed! [Clock ticking.]
Jeff: [sighs.]
Aah! Aah! Aah! [yelling.]
Johnsoooon! [Exhales sharply.]
You, make yourself useful! [Sputters.]
Start shoveling coal out of that fire! Aah! Aah! Eh Aah! Clarence: Not so fast, mister! We don't need to get the coal out! We need to redirect the steam! Sumo: Into the upper deck to keep it from destroying - the main chamber pot! - That's actually a pretty good idea.
But the only way in is through that tiny piggy hatch! Clarence: [chuckling.]
All: 1 2 - 3! - Clarence: Whoa! Oof! [Chuckling.]
[Steam hissing.]
[Chuckling continues.]
[Gears whirring.]
[Steam hissing.]
Oh, no, which one is it? "A," "B," "C," or "D.
" - Uh - Jeff: Pick "C"! - Always pick "C"! - Yeah! Clarence: Okay, here it goes.
Hmm [Steam hissing loudly.]
[Grunts.]
[All cheering.]
Way to go, kid! [Gears whirring.]
Clarence: unh! - Clarence! Ohh! - Clarence: I'm good! Oh, come here, ya big galoot! Mwah! Clarence: Does this mean that I get to go back to your class, Ms.
Baker? Well, I suppose you've earned it.
[Slurps.]
Well, I guess we can get rid of these.
Sumo: [slurps.]
Hey, we did it! [Birds chirping.]
Okay, class, Sumo and Clarence have something they want to share with us, and they've prepared a little video.
Haven't you, boys.
- Clarence: Yes, Ms.
Baker.
- Sumo: I guess so.
Mm-hmm, go ahead.
[Static.]
[Birds chirping.]
Clarence: Sumo, what are you going to do after school today? Sumo: I am going to finish my homework.
[Static.]
Clarence: Great idea.
Let's study together.
Jeff, where are your books? [Static.]
Jeff: I don't have books.
I'm suspended! Both: Oh, my gosh! Sumo: The wrong side of the tracks! [Static.]
[Static.]
Is it on? Is it on now? [Static.]
Clarence: Being suspended is bad.
Jeff, how will you ever learn anything and grow as a person? Jeff: You are right.
I'll never get suspended again! 1, 2, 3, go.
All: Yay! [Static.]
If you get suspended, your brain has ended.
[Static.]
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Birds chirping.]
And that's Euclid's proof of the "infinitude of primes.
" Sumo: More like useless proof! [Laughter.]
Jeff: Shh, we need to know this! - Sumo: No, we don't! It's boring! - "Infinitude of primes.
" - Sumo: Did you bring the wrench? - Jeff: Yes.
[Laughter.]
But I need it back.
It's the only wrench that can swap out sonar sotocyber's lace jabots.
Hey! [Laughter.]
Clarence: We're gonna do a prank on Ms.
Baker.
Jeff: You're pranking a teacher on test day?! You're not putting my grades at risk! Give it back! Give it back! [laughs.]
Jeff: I said give it back! Sumo! Jeff, pay attention! Trust me, you'll be sorry you never learned this when you get older, okay? Okay, now, where was I? Oh, boy, Ms.
Baker needs a coffee break.
[Sighs.]
Java me up.
- Jeff: Ms.
Baker, Ms.
Baker! - Okay, not now, Jeff.
Clarence, what what the - Oh! Agh! - Clarence: Uh-oh.
[Ominous music plays.]
[Muffled shouting.]
Jeff: I told them not to do it, but does anybody ever listen to me? I'm always listening to you, Jeff.
You're lucky I'm switching to contact lenses, but this mug was irreplaceable! I got it on Beauford T.
Pusser's third birthday, and I'll I-I-I'll never get that memory back! I'm left with no other option.
- You guys are - Suspended! Suspended in disbelief when I learned what you boys did! [Slurping, gulping.]
Now, I called both of your parents already.
[Telephone ringing.]
[Indistinct screaming.]
Tanner, put that down! I swear, I am gonna spank your little butt red! [Telephones ringing.]
- Oh, my phones are ringing off the hook! - The president is on the phone! [Telephone ringing.]
It's like surround sound.
But neither of them picked up, so you're on the honor system to tell your families that for next week Uh, g-give me your hands.
- Clarence: "Sus pended"? - Sumo: Yeah, what does that mean? Don't be smart with me, boys.
No school for a whole week.
That's your punishment.
Clarence: But I don't understand.
Wouldn't it be a better punishment if we had to do more school? - Actually, that might be a good idea.
- Sumo: No! We're really sad! Clarence, we better go and reflect about our actions and all that.
See you later! Clarence: Wait, wait, wait, back up, back up, back up.
Sumo, Sumo, I need some some explanation here.
So, we don't have to go to school for a whole week? Sumo: Yeah, it's what you call a loophole.
Clarence: But what's the catch? Sumo: No catch! This is the best thing that's ever happened! Clarence: So, uh, so, uh, we can do anything we want in the whole school?! [Both laughing.]
[Laughing in distance.]
[Laughing continues.]
[Laughing weakly.]
- Sumo: Okay, I'm bored.
- Clarence: Yeah Wait a minute.
We can do anything we want in the whole world! Sumo: Okay, let's make the best of our time! We got to live each moment like it's our last! Ooh, look! [Cat hisses.]
Both: Ooh, wet cement, wet cement, wet cement wet cement, wet cement! [splat.]
- Nope, that's concrete.
- Sumo: Same thing.
Not the same thing.
Now, concrete has cement in it, but we also add gravel and sand for the strength.
Clarence: Oh, so that's the difference between concrete and cement! Sumo: What class did you learn that in? [Chuckles.]
I'm all self-taught.
Learned everything I know at life university, and this, my friends, is how you make [Neck cracks.]
a face print.
Both: Whoa.
Now, you kids move along.
I got to finish this up.
[Sighs.]
Sumo: She was so cool! Clarence: She knew so much stuff about sand and gravel and junk.
Sumo: She sure did, and she did it without help - from "the man.
" - Yeah, you could learn all kinds of stuff when you're not at school, but they didn't teach it at school.
Sumo: You got that right! [Both laughing.]
Clarence: So that's how you fix a leaky pipe! Sumo: So that's how you put out a burning building! Clarence: So that's how all those staples get there! Sumo: So that's how you apply for a high-interest savings account! [Chuckling.]
[Indistinct shouting.]
Clarence: So that's how you take down a crime boss! Sumo: So that's how you have a healthy breakup with mutual respect! Clarence: So that's how you protect your house from aliens! [Birds chirping in distance.]
[Clock ticking.]
Jeff: [sniffing.]
[Thinking.]
Let's see.
"Billy has three apples, and he's on a train going the same rate as the circumference of two wheels plus brown? How many apples are left?" Uh okay.
Well, I guess I'll just have to go with my trusty old "c.
" At least I'm not out there losing my brain cells like the dummy brothers.
Both: Ah! Clarence: So that's how everything is infinitely complex - Sumo: from the smallest atom - Clarence: to the largest galaxy - Sumo: ever expanding - Clarence: and contracting Sumo: simultaneously existing Clarence: and lifeless forever and for only a moment.
[Both shouting.]
- I think we learned too much.
- Sumo: Yeah, I kind of miss school.
Clarence: Yeah, I also miss Jeff, too.
[Clock ticking.]
[Knocking on window.]
What is it this time? Clarence: Hi, Ms.
Baker.
Can we come back to class? Sumo: Please? Sorry, guys, but rules are rules, and rules, like mugs, - are not meant to be broken.
- Sumo: And we promise to be good! My mug is now sharp.
Good day.
Clarence: [sighs.]
[Birds chirping.]
[Alarm blaring.]
[All murmuring.]
Hey, guys, don't panic! Come on, hey, guys, I It's just - Melanie, it's the boiler room again! - Not the boiler room! - Oh! Dang it! - Come on! No time! [Grunting.]
[Indistinct shouting.]
Okay, guys, don't panic.
All right, just, uh, put your pencils down, and, uh [yells.]
I said pencils down! [Shouting continues.]
[Blaring continues.]
[Indistinct shouting.]
[bugs chirping.]
[Indistinct shouting.]
[Grunting.]
[Hissing.]
[Blaring continues.]
I knew the boiler would act up again! I just hoped I'd never live to see the day! I guess it's just one of those things they don't teach you in school.
Oh my dip.
[Ominous music plays.]
Get those valves open! [All grunting.]
We're doomed! [Clock ticking.]
Jeff: [sighs.]
Aah! Aah! Aah! [yelling.]
Johnsoooon! [Exhales sharply.]
You, make yourself useful! [Sputters.]
Start shoveling coal out of that fire! Aah! Aah! Eh Aah! Clarence: Not so fast, mister! We don't need to get the coal out! We need to redirect the steam! Sumo: Into the upper deck to keep it from destroying - the main chamber pot! - That's actually a pretty good idea.
But the only way in is through that tiny piggy hatch! Clarence: [chuckling.]
All: 1 2 - 3! - Clarence: Whoa! Oof! [Chuckling.]
[Steam hissing.]
[Chuckling continues.]
[Gears whirring.]
[Steam hissing.]
Oh, no, which one is it? "A," "B," "C," or "D.
" - Uh - Jeff: Pick "C"! - Always pick "C"! - Yeah! Clarence: Okay, here it goes.
Hmm [Steam hissing loudly.]
[Grunts.]
[All cheering.]
Way to go, kid! [Gears whirring.]
Clarence: unh! - Clarence! Ohh! - Clarence: I'm good! Oh, come here, ya big galoot! Mwah! Clarence: Does this mean that I get to go back to your class, Ms.
Baker? Well, I suppose you've earned it.
[Slurps.]
Well, I guess we can get rid of these.
Sumo: [slurps.]
Hey, we did it! [Birds chirping.]
Okay, class, Sumo and Clarence have something they want to share with us, and they've prepared a little video.
Haven't you, boys.
- Clarence: Yes, Ms.
Baker.
- Sumo: I guess so.
Mm-hmm, go ahead.
[Static.]
[Birds chirping.]
Clarence: Sumo, what are you going to do after school today? Sumo: I am going to finish my homework.
[Static.]
Clarence: Great idea.
Let's study together.
Jeff, where are your books? [Static.]
Jeff: I don't have books.
I'm suspended! Both: Oh, my gosh! Sumo: The wrong side of the tracks! [Static.]
[Static.]
Is it on? Is it on now? [Static.]
Clarence: Being suspended is bad.
Jeff, how will you ever learn anything and grow as a person? Jeff: You are right.
I'll never get suspended again! 1, 2, 3, go.
All: Yay! [Static.]
If you get suspended, your brain has ended.
[Static.]