Craig of the Creek (2017) s01e30 Episode Script
Jextra Perrestrial
Who's gonna be around,
never gonna let you down ♪
When you're on a wild ride?
Your friends are
always by your side ♪
It's Craig of the Creek,
he's gonna save the day ♪
It's Craig of the Creek,
he's gonna save the day ♪
It's Craig of the Creek
♪♪
What's that kid
doin' up there?
Why's he got
so many roller blades?
Why is he
panting?
[ Panting like a dog ]
It's like a Halloween
costume or somethin'.
He had a dream
where he was
roller-blading
as a dog.
A Labradoodle.
The universe
made a call.
And he's answering it.
It's beautiful.
Well, whatever
he's doing,
if he gets hurt, nobody
is calling any parents!
I'm not risking
these sick jumps
just because he wants
to be a Labrador.
A Labradoodle.
[ Howling ]
Time to labra-do this.
Woof, woooof
whoa, whoa, oh!
[ Thud, howling in pain ]
-JP!
-JP!
Maybe you should
call his parents.
Give it to us
straight, Doc.
Is our sweet boy
gonna make it?
Well, for starters,
I am a nurse, Craig --
a nurse that hasn't had
a night off in three months.
I finally get one, and we have
to miss our reservation
at the International
House of Brie
because my little brother
wanted to be a dog!
Eh, a Labradoodle.
Right.
Was everyone doing this
dangerous stunt,
or just my brother?
Uh, just
your brother.
But I would have
done itnext.
And, uh,
me next!
Uh, and then
Mortimer!
Mm-hmm.
Hey, cool sword.
Oh, uh, thanks.
[ Laughs ]
I even chose the grade
of PVC pipe myself.
[ Scoffs ]
Where's my staff?
Craiggy Boy needs
some praise, too.
Honestly, John Paul.
First, you thought
your carpet was magic, and you
jumped off the roof with it.
Then you sprained your ankle
while pretending to be
a horse in the creek.
Can't you just pretend
to be a normal kid?
I'm a growin' boy!
I'm -- I'm sure you were like
this when you were a kid.
Right, Cat?
Not really.
Laura was a square.
Oh, I wasn't talking
to you, Kat.
I was talking
to my cat, Goo.
Did Laura do stuff like this
when she was a kid?
Meow.
Okay, point taken.
But wh--what about that thing
with the shower curtain?
Meow!Yeah, no, that was me.
Look, I'm sorry,
Laura!
I -- I don't know why
I'm drawn to this stuff.
I just am.
I don't know either.
I'm just glad
you're not hurt.
Don't ask me how
you didn't break a bone
from that fall.
You're definitely
not human.
Not human?
If you let me drive,
we can still make
our reservation.
As if!
Now let's make our way
to some crème brulée!
[ Door closes ]Not human?
Craig: Icepops!
[ Slurps ]
[ Groans ]
[ Coughs ]
[ Chomping ]
[ Sighs ]
Guys, I've been workin'
on thinkin' all last night.
-What about?
-What about?
About what Laura said,
and I think she's right.
I'm not human.
Uh, what are you
talking about?
It makes perfect sense!
I'm drawn to things nobody
likes, like roller blades.
I do all sorts of insane stunts,
yet I've never broken anything.
And how many people
can write their names
[ Bones cracking ]with their joints?
[ Gasping ]Doesn't that hurt?
No, you fool!
I don't have feelings,
like you humans!
Then what are you?Where did you come from?
I don't know!
Even my own family
doesn't know what to make of me.
I must be from
somewhere else.
Don't worry, JP.
We'll find where you're from
and what you are.
Well, I want you
to be a vampire!
We can examine you with
your sister's medical stuff.
I'm sure those thingies
will help us get
to the bottom of this.
Come on!To JP's house!
Then immediately followed
by the stump!
Heh, heh, heh, heh.
Ka-kaw!
What is it
this time, Tony?
How are we gonna get
our camouflage badge
if you keep
blowing our cover?
Let me ask you,
who would take a goldfish
if you could have
a tiger shark?
I would.
Goldfish are cute.
What I mean is,
I surveillanced something big --
so big, it would make
a camouflage badge blush.
First, let's take
your temperature.
Icepop out of the mouth
and say "ah."
[ Slurps ]
Ahhh.
[ Beeping ]
This is impossible.
What is it?
[ Gasps ]
His temperature
is ice cold!
He's cold blooded --
like a vampire?
That must be why people don't
invite me into their house!
[ Grumbling ]
Hmm, patient also seems
to be exhibiting
multiple hearts.
Could we get that down
for the record, please?
Pfft. What kind
of immortal is he?
Um, JP,
where's your ear hole?
Is this even an ear?
[ Boinging ]
Eek!
Maybe
he's reptilian?
Look at that
serpent's tongue.
[ Slurping ]
What's next?
Optical
resonance test.
Your sister
used this.
But if you're
not human,
then I think we gotta
use one these!
Oh, okay.
All right,
open wide.
Fire!
Ah!
Patient,
are you okay?
Yeah, but I can't
see anything.
Wait.
I -- I see some bursts
and stars floatin' around.
Like in
outer space?
It all makes sense.
His temperature was low,
like the air in space.
He has no ears, because
there is no sound in space.
And the light test
obviously triggered
a repressed
memory of space.
[ Gasps ] You guys,
JP is an alien!
Me?
An alien?
But from where?Wait a minute.
I never noticed this
grouping of belly freckles.
Oh, man, you should
see my butt.
Hmm.
Steady.
♪♪
[ Giggling ] Tickles.
This might hurt.
Ouch!
Check. It. Out.
The alignment of JP's freckles
around his belly button
are an exact match to the stars
surrounding Proxima Centauri.
Uh, if you ignore
all of these ones.
Holy hedgehogs
in a helicopter!
What are you
talkin' about?
Many scientists, like me,
believe that a planet
orbiting this star
could support life!
JP, I think
we found your home.
Home?
A whole planet of me's,
no body thinkin'
I wasn't normal.
We gotta contact
them tonight!
I have to know where
my weirdness comes from.
Contacting space?
[ Inhales sharply ]
That's a pretty tall order.
Don't worry.
I have an idea.
Gather up all the flashlights
you can find,
and meet back here
tonight.
We're gonna make contact
with JP's home planet.
Jason: Forget about
camouflage badges.
We'll take JP
to the government
and get planetary
defense badges!
Dear family in space,
are you excited to meet me?
[ Gasps ]
They answered!
Okay, first impression
is everything.
Hi, aliens!
My name is JP, and I love you,
and you love me, too!
Aw, man, that's way too much.
'Sup? You guys aliens?
That's cool.
Me too.
[ Sighs ]
Hello, my name's JP.
It's nice to finally meet
me.
How -- how's it going
down there?
Almost done!
Do you think if we contact
JP's home planet,
they'll wanna
take him back?
I don't know.
Maybe.
But we'll be able
to visit him, right?
Of course! I'll just
build a rocket ship
out of baking soda
and vinegar.
I mean, look at what I made
out of these flashlights,
and this only took me,
what, 20 minutes?
Aah!
Jason:
Get ready, boys.
JP's ours.
Did you bring a trap?
I brought
my doggie jail.
[ Laughter ]
[ Grunts ]
It's time to make contact.
Aw, you guys are
the best humanlings a boy --
uh, an alien --
a little, whatever
I am could have.
♪♪
[ Whistle blows ]
Well, well, well.
What do we see here?
Aliencraft-sorcery?
Disgusting.
JP, you're under suspicion
of being an evil alien.
We're gonna take you
to the government for testing!
[ Gasping ]
[ Whimpers ]
I'm dialing
the President right now.
Nine, one, one.
-Nyeh!
-Blah!
Light bad!
Get the evil alien --
I mean, JP -- to safety!
Mortimer and I will
hold them off.
[ Gasps ]
Our badge --
I -- I mean, our alien
is getting away!
This is an intergalactic matter,
Forest Scouts,
and you're gonna have
to go through me.
[ Panting ]
Ruuuuun!
Kelsey?
Keep running!
There's barely enough room
for Mortimer and me in here!
Surrender, specimen!
-Aaah!
-Aaah!
[ Panting ]
Do you think they get badges
for ruining good folks'
family reunions?
Water?
Fall!
The Ninja Garden
Waterfall!
W-We're cornered!
I -- I can slow down
the scouts
while you try to find
another way down.
Craig, it's okay.
I'm an alien, remember?
I can't get hurt.
What?
[ Gasps ]
[ Epic music builds ]
Go home, JP.
[ Music stops ]
[ Thud ]Owww!
JP!
[ Groaning ]
Tony, go!Aah!
[ Groaning continues ]
Um, time to get
our first aid badges?
He finally did it.
I knew. I knew
it was gonna happen.
Not today, Goo.
Need a hand, JP?
Yeah, because
I just broke mine.
[ Sighs ]
It'll heal, I guess.
I -- I can't belive
I'm not an alien
and there's not a planet
of weird kids like me.
John Paul, what are
you talking about?
You -- you said.
You said I wasn't human.
I wasn't being literal!
So, am I just weird?
What I meant is,
there's nobody like you.
Because you're special,
and the way your brain works
is very cool
and full of good ideas.
Just don't follow them
when they involve
jumping off anything.
Oh, gosh.
Mom's gonna have a heart attack
when she sees this.
Not literally.
[ Clears throat ]
I'm just glad
you're in one piece.
You'll heal.
And you can still do
a Mercer high-five with
your other hand, right?
You bet I can.
[ Bones cracking ]
Yeah, this is definitely
his family and home.
Maybe his whole
dang family is aliens.
When it's time to go to bed
I know
I don't have to feel alone ♪
'Cause I'll see you tomorrow
never gonna let you down ♪
When you're on a wild ride?
Your friends are
always by your side ♪
It's Craig of the Creek,
he's gonna save the day ♪
It's Craig of the Creek,
he's gonna save the day ♪
It's Craig of the Creek
♪♪
What's that kid
doin' up there?
Why's he got
so many roller blades?
Why is he
panting?
[ Panting like a dog ]
It's like a Halloween
costume or somethin'.
He had a dream
where he was
roller-blading
as a dog.
A Labradoodle.
The universe
made a call.
And he's answering it.
It's beautiful.
Well, whatever
he's doing,
if he gets hurt, nobody
is calling any parents!
I'm not risking
these sick jumps
just because he wants
to be a Labrador.
A Labradoodle.
[ Howling ]
Time to labra-do this.
Woof, woooof
whoa, whoa, oh!
[ Thud, howling in pain ]
-JP!
-JP!
Maybe you should
call his parents.
Give it to us
straight, Doc.
Is our sweet boy
gonna make it?
Well, for starters,
I am a nurse, Craig --
a nurse that hasn't had
a night off in three months.
I finally get one, and we have
to miss our reservation
at the International
House of Brie
because my little brother
wanted to be a dog!
Eh, a Labradoodle.
Right.
Was everyone doing this
dangerous stunt,
or just my brother?
Uh, just
your brother.
But I would have
done itnext.
And, uh,
me next!
Uh, and then
Mortimer!
Mm-hmm.
Hey, cool sword.
Oh, uh, thanks.
[ Laughs ]
I even chose the grade
of PVC pipe myself.
[ Scoffs ]
Where's my staff?
Craiggy Boy needs
some praise, too.
Honestly, John Paul.
First, you thought
your carpet was magic, and you
jumped off the roof with it.
Then you sprained your ankle
while pretending to be
a horse in the creek.
Can't you just pretend
to be a normal kid?
I'm a growin' boy!
I'm -- I'm sure you were like
this when you were a kid.
Right, Cat?
Not really.
Laura was a square.
Oh, I wasn't talking
to you, Kat.
I was talking
to my cat, Goo.
Did Laura do stuff like this
when she was a kid?
Meow.
Okay, point taken.
But wh--what about that thing
with the shower curtain?
Meow!Yeah, no, that was me.
Look, I'm sorry,
Laura!
I -- I don't know why
I'm drawn to this stuff.
I just am.
I don't know either.
I'm just glad
you're not hurt.
Don't ask me how
you didn't break a bone
from that fall.
You're definitely
not human.
Not human?
If you let me drive,
we can still make
our reservation.
As if!
Now let's make our way
to some crème brulée!
[ Door closes ]Not human?
Craig: Icepops!
[ Slurps ]
[ Groans ]
[ Coughs ]
[ Chomping ]
[ Sighs ]
Guys, I've been workin'
on thinkin' all last night.
-What about?
-What about?
About what Laura said,
and I think she's right.
I'm not human.
Uh, what are you
talking about?
It makes perfect sense!
I'm drawn to things nobody
likes, like roller blades.
I do all sorts of insane stunts,
yet I've never broken anything.
And how many people
can write their names
[ Bones cracking ]with their joints?
[ Gasping ]Doesn't that hurt?
No, you fool!
I don't have feelings,
like you humans!
Then what are you?Where did you come from?
I don't know!
Even my own family
doesn't know what to make of me.
I must be from
somewhere else.
Don't worry, JP.
We'll find where you're from
and what you are.
Well, I want you
to be a vampire!
We can examine you with
your sister's medical stuff.
I'm sure those thingies
will help us get
to the bottom of this.
Come on!To JP's house!
Then immediately followed
by the stump!
Heh, heh, heh, heh.
Ka-kaw!
What is it
this time, Tony?
How are we gonna get
our camouflage badge
if you keep
blowing our cover?
Let me ask you,
who would take a goldfish
if you could have
a tiger shark?
I would.
Goldfish are cute.
What I mean is,
I surveillanced something big --
so big, it would make
a camouflage badge blush.
First, let's take
your temperature.
Icepop out of the mouth
and say "ah."
[ Slurps ]
Ahhh.
[ Beeping ]
This is impossible.
What is it?
[ Gasps ]
His temperature
is ice cold!
He's cold blooded --
like a vampire?
That must be why people don't
invite me into their house!
[ Grumbling ]
Hmm, patient also seems
to be exhibiting
multiple hearts.
Could we get that down
for the record, please?
Pfft. What kind
of immortal is he?
Um, JP,
where's your ear hole?
Is this even an ear?
[ Boinging ]
Eek!
Maybe
he's reptilian?
Look at that
serpent's tongue.
[ Slurping ]
What's next?
Optical
resonance test.
Your sister
used this.
But if you're
not human,
then I think we gotta
use one these!
Oh, okay.
All right,
open wide.
Fire!
Ah!
Patient,
are you okay?
Yeah, but I can't
see anything.
Wait.
I -- I see some bursts
and stars floatin' around.
Like in
outer space?
It all makes sense.
His temperature was low,
like the air in space.
He has no ears, because
there is no sound in space.
And the light test
obviously triggered
a repressed
memory of space.
[ Gasps ] You guys,
JP is an alien!
Me?
An alien?
But from where?Wait a minute.
I never noticed this
grouping of belly freckles.
Oh, man, you should
see my butt.
Hmm.
Steady.
♪♪
[ Giggling ] Tickles.
This might hurt.
Ouch!
Check. It. Out.
The alignment of JP's freckles
around his belly button
are an exact match to the stars
surrounding Proxima Centauri.
Uh, if you ignore
all of these ones.
Holy hedgehogs
in a helicopter!
What are you
talkin' about?
Many scientists, like me,
believe that a planet
orbiting this star
could support life!
JP, I think
we found your home.
Home?
A whole planet of me's,
no body thinkin'
I wasn't normal.
We gotta contact
them tonight!
I have to know where
my weirdness comes from.
Contacting space?
[ Inhales sharply ]
That's a pretty tall order.
Don't worry.
I have an idea.
Gather up all the flashlights
you can find,
and meet back here
tonight.
We're gonna make contact
with JP's home planet.
Jason: Forget about
camouflage badges.
We'll take JP
to the government
and get planetary
defense badges!
Dear family in space,
are you excited to meet me?
[ Gasps ]
They answered!
Okay, first impression
is everything.
Hi, aliens!
My name is JP, and I love you,
and you love me, too!
Aw, man, that's way too much.
'Sup? You guys aliens?
That's cool.
Me too.
[ Sighs ]
Hello, my name's JP.
It's nice to finally meet
me.
How -- how's it going
down there?
Almost done!
Do you think if we contact
JP's home planet,
they'll wanna
take him back?
I don't know.
Maybe.
But we'll be able
to visit him, right?
Of course! I'll just
build a rocket ship
out of baking soda
and vinegar.
I mean, look at what I made
out of these flashlights,
and this only took me,
what, 20 minutes?
Aah!
Jason:
Get ready, boys.
JP's ours.
Did you bring a trap?
I brought
my doggie jail.
[ Laughter ]
[ Grunts ]
It's time to make contact.
Aw, you guys are
the best humanlings a boy --
uh, an alien --
a little, whatever
I am could have.
♪♪
[ Whistle blows ]
Well, well, well.
What do we see here?
Aliencraft-sorcery?
Disgusting.
JP, you're under suspicion
of being an evil alien.
We're gonna take you
to the government for testing!
[ Gasping ]
[ Whimpers ]
I'm dialing
the President right now.
Nine, one, one.
-Nyeh!
-Blah!
Light bad!
Get the evil alien --
I mean, JP -- to safety!
Mortimer and I will
hold them off.
[ Gasps ]
Our badge --
I -- I mean, our alien
is getting away!
This is an intergalactic matter,
Forest Scouts,
and you're gonna have
to go through me.
[ Panting ]
Ruuuuun!
Kelsey?
Keep running!
There's barely enough room
for Mortimer and me in here!
Surrender, specimen!
-Aaah!
-Aaah!
[ Panting ]
Do you think they get badges
for ruining good folks'
family reunions?
Water?
Fall!
The Ninja Garden
Waterfall!
W-We're cornered!
I -- I can slow down
the scouts
while you try to find
another way down.
Craig, it's okay.
I'm an alien, remember?
I can't get hurt.
What?
[ Gasps ]
[ Epic music builds ]
Go home, JP.
[ Music stops ]
[ Thud ]Owww!
JP!
[ Groaning ]
Tony, go!Aah!
[ Groaning continues ]
Um, time to get
our first aid badges?
He finally did it.
I knew. I knew
it was gonna happen.
Not today, Goo.
Need a hand, JP?
Yeah, because
I just broke mine.
[ Sighs ]
It'll heal, I guess.
I -- I can't belive
I'm not an alien
and there's not a planet
of weird kids like me.
John Paul, what are
you talking about?
You -- you said.
You said I wasn't human.
I wasn't being literal!
So, am I just weird?
What I meant is,
there's nobody like you.
Because you're special,
and the way your brain works
is very cool
and full of good ideas.
Just don't follow them
when they involve
jumping off anything.
Oh, gosh.
Mom's gonna have a heart attack
when she sees this.
Not literally.
[ Clears throat ]
I'm just glad
you're in one piece.
You'll heal.
And you can still do
a Mercer high-five with
your other hand, right?
You bet I can.
[ Bones cracking ]
Yeah, this is definitely
his family and home.
Maybe his whole
dang family is aliens.
When it's time to go to bed
I know
I don't have to feel alone ♪
'Cause I'll see you tomorrow