Wishbone (1995) s01e30 Episode Script

What's the story, Wishbone?
What's this your dreaming of?
Such big imagination
on such a little part.
What's the story, Wishbone?
Do you think it's worth a look?
It kind of seems familiar,
like a story from a book.
Shake a leg now, Wishbone.
Let's wag another take.
Sniffing out adventure
with Wishbone on the trail.
Come on, Wishphone.
What's the story, Wishbone?
Watch the story, Wishbone.
Watch the story, Wishbone.
Watch the story, wish phone.
Watch the story, wish phone.
Watch the story, Wishbone.
Wow! And Joe complains about how I eat?
I can't believe this.
Who gave this to you?
I found this whole stack outside the gym.
No, this isn't happening.
I found some in study hall.
What? Did you take them all?
Say yes, David.
No, just one.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
How gross. I'm being spying.
on. Sam, what's going on?
Just this.
Somebody's idea of fun.
Ooh.
And it's only volume one.
There's more to come.
Actually, Sam, it's, I mean
Boy, I am really sorry.
Oh, Sam, this is terrible.
A clear-cut invasion of privacy.
Is then a Tater Tad.
Do they still serve Tater Tots?
I love Tater Tots.
What?
Oh, sorry.
Oh, no, Wanda.
That's the thing about food and love.
Never having to say you're sorry.
Sam, was this handed out in school?
I don't think so. I found
these laying around outside.
I wonder who took that picture.
That's what I'd like to know.
Is there anything we can do?
Yeah.
Dig a hole and put me in it.
Hey, I can do that.
I know it feels like the end of
the world, but don't worry, okay?
You know I'll do anything
to help you, right?
Dead help.
Buck up, honey. Keep me posted.
Thanks.
It says it's written
by Hal Slamming Dome.
Who's that?
I don't know any Hal Done.
Look, he can't even
spell his own nickname.
What?
Slamming has two M's, not one.
Let me see.
Maybe it's a fake name.
A word scrambling.
I bet that's it.
Ah, a fake name.
Not to fear, Sherlock is here.
Unmasking a phony is just
what Sherlock Holmes did in.
The short story, a scandal in Bohemia.
The author, Arthur Conan Doyle, published
the story in The Strand Magazine in 1891.
Come in, Watson.
Holmes, how did you know it was I?
Watson, you know how powerful
my sense of hearing is?
I would test myself
against any dog in England.
And now then, since you are
always so glad to assist me.
Tell me.
Tell me.
What do you make of this?
All right.
Well, wrote this is obviously well to do.
It is an expensive paper.
Quite.
The paper is made in
Bohemia. Kindly read it.
All right.
Well, we will call upon you tonight,
a masked gentleman who
desires to consult with you.
We have been told of your
strict attention to secret
This account of you we have
from all quarters received.
Stop.
That is the clue.
This account of view we have
from all quarters received.
Only someone who speaks German
would construct a sentence that way.
Hmm.
A German who wears a mask and
writes upon Bohemian paper.
Keep your eyes and ears open, Watson.
Come in?
Her Holmes?
Please, take a seat.
This is my friend and
colleague, Dr. Watson.
My employer wishes total
secrecy in this matter.
Stay seated, Watson.
It is both or none.
Very well.
You may address me as Count von Crown.
Really?
You question that?
In fact, I do.
Well, it is true.
The title by which I have just
called myself is not exactly my own.
Of course.
This case implicates the great house of
Ormstein, the hereditary kings of Bohemia.
I was already aware of that.
You may drop the facade, Your Majesty.
I know that you are Wilhelm Gottreich
von Ormstein, hereditary king of Bohemia.
You're right.
Why did I think I could fool you?
Why indeed?
Now tell me, Your Majesty,
what is your case?
What is your case?
I've got to figure this out.
Here, let me try. I'm
pretty good at this.
Wait.
Wait.
Hold on.
I should have guessed. Amanda.
Amanda?
Why would Amanda want to do this?
I don't know, but I think it's sick.
I mean, you guys compete in
school, but this is extreme.
Yeah, extremely embarrassing.
I need to go outside.
Who knows how many pictures she has.
I'm gonna find her.
I'll go with me.
Me too.
Oh, um, I could come too.
Uh, guys.
Well, okay.
If you're gonna beg
me, I'll come with you.
Let's get the facts straight and
find the picture perpetrator.
The facts are embarrassing.
I am not easily shocked, Your Majesty.
Five years ago, then I was
too young to know better.
I became involved with an advantage.
adventurous. Irene Adler.
Watson, kindly look her up in my index.
So, your majesty became
entangled and perhaps sent
the young lady some letters,
which could be damaging.
Quite so.
Watson, have you found her yet?
Yes.
There you are, Holmes.
Thank you.
Hmm.
Born in New Jersey.
actress singer La Scala, retired from
the operatic stage, and living in London.
Was there a secret marriage?
No.
The problem is there is a
compromising photograph.
We are both in it.
Hmm. That is compromising.
If my future vice sees this
photograph, I am ruined forever.
Miss Adler,
I will not sell. She
threatens to publish it.
Then it must be stolen.
We've tried. My agents have captured
her luggage, burglarized the house.
They found nothing.
They don't have my nose for clues.
When will she publish the photo?
Three days.
Plenty of time.
If your majesty will call tomorrow,
I'm sure I will have good news.
She lives at Brearney Lodge.
I will pay anything to
get this photo back.
Good evening, Your Majesty.
Watson, meet me here at 3 o
'clock. I have much work to do.
Hmm, yes. Holmes, old boy, to catch
an actor. You must be cut to do.
Come an actor.
I shall disguise my voice.
Here, top of the morning, lads!
Ooh, that's a beautiful house.
Who lives there?
That's Miss Irene Adler's place.
She was a great actress.
Dantiest thing and her
bonnet on this planet.
Lives proper now.
Sings a little, drives out at five every
day, returns at seven shot for dinner.
You can set your watch by her.
Hmm. She's out between
five and seven, you say.
Wait here. It won't be a moment.
Oh, it's him again. He's
always coming round.
Who's that?
Claims to be a lawyer.
I don't like him much.
I never see no one get that
much lawyer in in my life.
His name's Gawry Norton. I've
driven him plenty of times.
Try to make the devil!
It's a church of St. Monica.
Papua Guinea if you can
do it in 20 minutes.
Ha!
Her beauty has not been underestimated.
The Church of St. Monica's up.
Half a siren if you
reach it in 20 minutes.
Ah!
Well, I never
Lads.
I'm off.
And I suppose I'll best
be about my business.
Good day, lads.
Now may be my best chance to look around.
However.
I do have this strange
fascination for chasing cabs.
The Church of St. Monica, please.
Here you are, my man.
And another half-sovereign
if you make it in 20 minutes.
Go!
Aha!
All right, Amanda! Freeze!
I've always wanted to say that.
Amanda, what do you think you're doing?
Excuse me?
This paper, how could you? I've
never done anything to you.
What? Let me see.
Gosh, that's bad.
So, why'd you do it?
I didn't. I don't know
what you're talking about.
Stalling for time, huh? Don't waste
your time. Been there, done that.
What are you trying to prove?
Yeah, what's your beef?
Nothing. It's not me.
Well, this Haldone name
conveniently turns out to be yours.
The pressure's too much. Give it up!
I mean it.
Look. Why would I do it to myself?
Whoa! How's that for a plot twist?
You would be mean enough to do this?
DeMont?
DeMont.
DeMont Jones.
Of course. I'm sorry, Amanda. I
should never have suspected you.
It's okay. We're in it together now.
So what do we do?
Don't worry. I've got a plan.
First.
What? What? What was that?
Who's mumbling?
Hey.
Remember, diction, people. Diction!
And, of course, we'll need Wishbone.
Ha ha!
Now that's more like it.
Okay.
Uh-huh.
Yeah. Okay.
Right.
And you want me to do
What?
Oh, no. I don't think
so. I'm out of here.
Come on, Wishbone.
We need you.
Everybody know what's due?
Don't worry.
DeMont would never turn down a
chance to take me on in basketball.
Yeah. You guys just hit.
your part.
Oh, we will.
And you're sure DeMott doesn't
leave school until four, right?
Right.
Great.
Let's get ready.
DeMott's going to find
himself in a hole in game.
Here.
The clock is ticking.
Now the fun begins.
Pardon me, sir. Just
who do you think you
Oh, Holmes. Well, I shall never get
used to your your power of disguise.
Well, you said three o'clock sharp.
Watson, you shall never
guess what has happened.
It's too funny.
Well, stop giggling and tell me.
I was at the Church of St. Monica.
At the secret wedding of Miss Irene
Adler to her lawyer, Godfrey Norton.
What? She married?
It's true. They even
needed me to be a witness.
Well, this is the most unexpected turn.
Indeed. I thought all
my plans were ruined.
Holmes, you can't impersonate
a man of the cloth?
These are desperate times, my friend.
Here, I need your help.
Ready as always.
Excellent.
My agents are getting into
place even as we speak.
Now you must not interfere Watson
even if I appear to be hurt.
All right.
When I get into her house, wait for
my signal and do as I have written.
I see.
We have only two hours.
Hurry!
How will you find the photograph?
I won't. She will show me.
Hush! There is a carriage.
Carry out my instructions to the letter.
Let me.
Yeah.
I see.
You too there.
I see. You two that. Leave the lady.
Stop!
Oh!
Oh!
Protect us.
They've ought to preach.
Oh.
He looks terribly ill.
Oh, is the poor man much hurt.
He might be dead.
No.
But he needs help.
We can't leave him lying
in the street like this.
Please.
Bring him inside.
Here.
Here.
Oh.
Oh, you.
Oh, the poor.
The doctor should be here in a moment.
Oh.
What could be keeping him?
Please pardon me, Reverend.
Of course.
Oh, I could use some air.
Would you mind open the window for me?
I don't know.
Fire!
Somebody help!
Oh!
Help!
help!
I'm hurry!
We are fire!
Oh, false alarm,
false alarm. Quiet, ladies! There's
no need to be
alarm. Look at that. It's
only a rocket.
Come on, Sam. Come on,
Sam. Let's get this
show on the road. I can hear them coming.
DeMont and Curtis are
coming this way. You ready?
Yeah, let's go.
You two-faced little, no-it
- all. I'm sick of seeing you.
Yeah, well, I'm sick of
smelling you, both of you.
Why don't you stop trailing
around with that dumb mutt?
Hey, that sounded too real.
You are acting, right?
Dumb mutts.
You tell her, Sam.
That's what I said.
Mad is smarter than you'll ever be.
Come on, Wisbone.
You never said mutt in the rehearsal.
Come on, Wisbone.
I mean, you could have
said ferocious beast.
I'm sorry about the dumb lad, okay?
Well, just this once.
Come on.
Man, did you hear that?
What I tell you, dumb girls?
Bought it hook-line and sinker.
What can I say?
I'm a mastermind.
You guys should learn.
Never underestimate your enemy.
That was Sherlock's big mistake.
Excellent work, Watson.
Your timing was perfect.
I'm still in a fog.
How did she reveal her hiding place?
You must think is a woman, Watson.
When she thinks her house is on fire,
her natural instinct is
to protect the things
thing she values most.
Yes.
Though she has nerves of steel,
her female instinct betrayed her.
Naturally, she rushed to save the photo.
Why did you not take it?
It seemed safer to wait.
But Miss Adler is as good as cop.
Oh.
Mm. Thank you.
Good night, Mr Sherlock Holmes.
Hmm?
I've heard that voice before.
I wonder who the deuce that was.
Gentlemen, do come in.
Right this way, please.
Mr. Sherlock Holmes, I presume.
Your mistress. Where is she?
Madam left this morning,
with her husband.
She told me you were likely to call.
She has left England?
England?
Never to return.
All is lost.
Watson, the panel.
Open it!
Ah, there we are.
So, Foto.
Curses. She still has me in a power.
Oh, there's a letter for you, Holmes.
Well, open it.
My dear Mr. Sherlock
Holmes, you did very well.
Took me in completely.
I had not a suspicion until
after the false alarm.
I realized how I had
betrayed my hiding place.
I had been told the
king might employ you.
But I found it hard to think ill of
such a dear, kind, old clergyman.
But I have been trained as an actor, too.
So as a male, I followed you.
Good night, Mr. Sherlock Holmes.
My husband and I are now
gone to live a better life.
Your client may rest in peace.
I keep the photo.
only to protect myself
from him in the future,
and leave another which
he might care to possess.
I remain, dear Mr. Sherlock Holmes,
very truly yours, Irene Norton.
I am sorry to have failed, Your Majesty.
Not at all, Herr Holmes.
I know she will leave me alone if
I agree to do the same for her.
Very well.
And now
How can I reward you?
If it please, Your Majesty, you
have something I value even more.
Please. Name it.
That photograph.
Very well. As you wish.
As you wish.
I wish you always remember
this woman, eh-hounds?
Most assuredly, Watson.
But she will always be THE woman to me.
Amanda and Wishbone are
waiting around the corner.
Okay.
Hey, you guys, we have to make this real.
Here he comes.
Go.
I can't believe you two.
Can't you see how wrong this is?
Sam, take it easy.
I wouldn't care if someone saw me eating.
Why do girls always care
what they look like?
It's kind of shallow.
It's not about looks. It's about privacy.
That picture was used
without my permission.
You're out of control.
Just forget it.
Boys just don't understand.
pretty bad. What'd you guys do to her?
It's not us. She's upset
about the picture of her.
You know the one in the Sequoia scandals?
Oh yeah. That's a shame.
At first we thought it was Amanda,
but now there's a picture of her, too.
Somebody's been pretty busy.
Yeah. I can't figure out how they got
that picture of her without her knowing.
Whoever did must be some kind
of genius with the camera.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Let me show you shrimps
how a master works.
All right.
Time for another exclusive expose.
Ready?
Set. Go!
Say cheese!
You know, vertical stripes
really have a slimming effect.
You know, vertical stripes
really have a slimming effect.
Let me see. Let me see.
Can I at least have a
copy from my scrapbook?
Um, Sam.
Are you sure this is the
way you want to handle it?
Well, my dad said I should
try it my way first and then
and see what happens.
You don't want to bring
yourself down to his level.
I know.
I just want this to end.
Oh, well, let us know what happens.
Good luck. You know, it's
really not his best side.
Thanks.
Now, Wishbone, sit and stay.
Okay. Sit, save the day.
Hey, it's what I do.
You know I'm here.
I want that picture.
So don't give me any trouble.
Just calm down.
Here, take it.
I knew you'd cave.
You end this stupid, runny little dog.
Hey! Don't go there.
Aren't you forgetting something?
What?
Well, I've got the negatives, and I
can make as many prints as I want.
Now look, Samantha.
Now you look. DeMont, I've
played your game, and I can win.
But I don't want to.
I want this whole thing to end.
Okay, whatever.
Whatever.
Sorry.
You know, you're a lot
smarter than I thought.
Yeah, well, I wish you could
act as smart as you really are.
Okay, one more scandal has been solved,
and Oakdale can relax, and I know how.
Let's go for pizza.
And then you can rub my
tummy, tell me a story.
Sam?
Sam.
Sam.
Hello!