Dirty Jobs (2005) s01e32 Episode Script
Alpaca Shearer
My name is Mike rowe, and this is my job.
I explore the country looking for people who aren't afraid to get dirty What happened here? You don't know what it is? It's a dead bird.
I pretty much had figured that out.
Hardworking men and women who earn an honest living There's got to be a better way.
Doing the kinds of jobs that make civilized life possible for the rest of us.
Now, get ready to get dirty.
Captions by vitac captions paid for by discovery communications coming up on "dirty jobs" I'm in a boat on the water, but I'm not fishing.
It's mussel farming in Washington's puget sound.
They grow on a Chinese torture sock.
It's not recommended to eat mussels raw.
[ Chanting .]
Eat it, eat it.
Rowe: Eat it? Eat what? Oh, no, no, no, no.
But that doesn't stop these guys or me.
Then, I get dirty in paradise, harvesting and planting taro in Hawaii.
At first glance, it's not the kind of thing that makes you go, "oh, I'll eat that.
" It's different from a potato 'cause a potato has a tuber, which is underground.
But it's the same as a potato in that if you want one, you're gonna have to do some digging.
And later, I experience "shear" pleasure at a California alpaca farm.
You did a horrible job.
What about the fact that she's not bleeding? Alpaca fiber is warmer than wool and softer than cashmere.
Alpacas can be ornery, but the threat isn't their bark or their bite.
The only defense an alpaca really has is their spitting.
Aah! On a clear day, you can see the snow-capped olympic mountains reflected in the placid waters of Gallagher cove.
Today, the view is slightly different.
Behind me is the good ship Mabel.
Aboard, four filthy fellas who claim to be mussel farmers.
I don't know what that means, exactly, but it sounds dirty.
In the 1890s, Jay waldrick, frustrated with searching for gold in Mexico, settled along the puget sound in the state of Washington.
Here, he found true gold in the tiny oysters local to the area and started successfully farming them.
Today, the company that bears his grandchildren's last name, Taylor shellfish farms, is still in business, and is one of the biggest and busiest shellfish farms in the whole United States.
Who's the captain of this thing? Jeremy: Right here.
You're Jeremy? Mike.
How are you? Permission to come aboard? I guess.
[ Chuckles .]
Who are these guys? My crew.
Mike.
Gabron.
Jimmy.
James.
Rowe: You're a mussel farmer, basically, right? And the mussels in question, obviously, are out there underwater somewhere.
What are we gonna do today? We're gonna go get a couple thousand pounds.
Couple thousand pounds? That's like a ton.
Yeah.
Doing good.
All right, so, we're headed for We're headed for the four platforms.
Those platforms.
All right.
Even though we're on the water, we're not fishing.
We're farming.
The mussel farmers incubate the mussels in a hatchery and then plant them out here on the water where the mussels grow to adult size.
So, why mussels? Well, it's easy to farm.
Do they grow on the bottom? They grow in a sock.
Like a Chinese torture sock.
A sock? So, you got something hanging down? We got something hanging down off these rafts off the 2x4s.
That's good right there, Mike.
Good deal.
So, we're tied off, and i'm standing on a what, exactly? A platform.
A platform.
There's a platform here, there's a platform there.
What are these called? That's a float.
That's where the mussels hang.
The mussels are hanging underneath that float.
15 feet down on each 2x4.
So this is just a work platform I'm on.
And what's this? This is where we'll be doing most of the work, on this platform.
It's underwater.
Yes.
Are we going underwater? No.
I mean, I'm dressed for bad weather, but that would just be crazy.
We need to lower it down 20 feet and harvest these mussels, and then we'll raise it back up, and then we'll get dirty.
We lower this 20 feet, and then we bring the mussels over top of it? Then we'll strip them off.
You and I, Jeremy, we could talk about this all day, or we could just do it.
[ Engine turns over .]
Let's lower it down with that lever.
This is gonna be lowering that? Yes, it will lower the middle platform.
We'll do it until we see a black tape right there on the rope.
That'll let you know you're 20 feet? Yes.
There are two winches doing the job, and they both have to be operated in unison.
That's that black Mark you were talking about? Yeah.
Turn it off.
This black Mark indicates that the platform has been dropped 20 feet, and I guess those guys did the same thing over there.
So we're gonna basically walk it this way.
Pull it to that far cleat.
Okay, tie it off.
Okay.
Now what? I just leap over there? Leap over, yes.
Or, if you want, you can use the boat.
Yeah, I'll use the boat.
Oh, yeah.
This could go wrong a lot of ways.
This is safe.
What's that? Oh, good, a sharp knife on top of a wobbling platform.
This is perfect.
It's safe.
Very safe.
I've never felt safer.
Should I be following you? Yes.
Right over here.
The mussels hang on these lines right here.
You know, you're not supposed to run with scissors or operate knives in this sort of environment, I think.
What the heck? What am I looking at? I mean, aside from mussels.
They grow on this, these little socks.
What's all this? That's disgusting.
Just crap that grows on them.
What do we do? We're gonna cut these lashers in here.
We're just gonna let them fall? The platform that we lowered will catch it.
So, cut them Cut all these.
These mussels have been about a year.
So these guys have been hanging here for a year, but you've got these rafts set up all over the place, and these guys are just hanging off.
Buried treasure.
Once we've cut down all the mussel lines, it's time to raise the hidden platform up to the surface and get our first real look at this crop.
They make it look easy over there with two guys.
Well, I hate to break it to you, but we got two guys, too.
[ Laughs .]
That's good, Mike.
Tie it off.
Okay.
Now we can raise the platform.
So the platform that's now down 20 feet has all those socks or strands of mussels sitting on it.
We're gonna bring it up to the surface? Yep.
Okay.
So far at the mussel farm, I'd lowered a catch platform 20 feet, then placed the mussels over it, cut the lines they'd been attached to, and let them fall.
Now it was time to raise the platform again to see the size of the latest crop.
How'd they do it in the old days? Hand-cranking it.
Almost there.
All right, Mike, that's good.
[ Engine quiets .]
Holy smokes.
That's a mess.
That's as high as the platform comes? Yes.
Well, I'm glad I wore my boots.
We should start down there.
This is why we have the life jackets on? Yes.
You've been doing this a while, but this is the first real good look I've had at the mussels in their Well, they're not quite ready to serve.
These are the lines that we cut.
And they're all, obviously They're all tangled.
[ Laughs .]
They're all tangled and a bit of a mess.
You have any idea what all this stuff is on here that's not mussel? Sponges.
Looks like a little sponge.
It's basically anything that Why do they go to the line? Why do they hang on? What are they thinking? Nowhere else to go.
What's the job? The job is to cut the mussels off the lines.
The discs will go in the basket.
The lines will go in the basket.
The mussels will go in those totes.
So we're just gonna leave the mussels lie here while we While we strip.
Got it.
This is a disc.
These just live on the line periodically.
They're like little Two or three months after we plant, we'll put the disc in the line to keep the mussels from sloughing off.
It keeps, like, little levels.
Got you.
And this [ Chuckling .]
What is this? They're like little sea zits.
Yeah.
Do we know what these are? Tunicates.
Tunicates? Yes.
Got you.
Well, they're disgusting, whatever they are.
Mussels stay, everything else goes.
All kinds of odd little creatures here.
Some sort of worm.
Pretty easy? No, this is a drag, man.
I mean, really, this is a platform full of snotty mess.
And there are typically four of you guys.
How long will it take, when you're making good time, to clean it all? Half an hour to an hour.
So we got a lot to get through here.
How many pounds did you say were out here right now on this platform? There's about 6,000 pounds.
I feel like I should avoid walking on them.
I'm smashing them up.
You can't sell those, can you? No, just kind of glide.
Just glide.
Excuse me, guys, I'm just gliding.
[ Laughter .]
This is really slick over here.
This whole process is held together with plastic and rope.
Exactly.
It's pretty amazing, actually.
When I first started, I had no idea how a mussel became edible.
I'm still not 100% sure it is.
But you've been fishing all your life? No.
Actually, this is my first shellfish job.
Yeah, I worked fast food before this.
[ Laughs .]
It's quite the transition.
[ Chanting .]
Eat it, eat it.
You gonna eat one? Eat it? Eat what? Oh, really? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You have to eat one.
You're not supposed to eat raw mussels, are you? Everything's edible.
Seafood is good.
Tree bark is edible, but I don't want to eat it.
Work and have food at the same time.
Seriously, you guys eat the raw mussels? Sometimes.
I'm just thinking, like, what is it it's dysteria.
Aren't there diseases and things? It's all safe.
Which one are you gonna take? This is like some awful game of chance that I can't possibly win.
Let's go with this one.
I mean, I've eaten oysters, and I've eaten, you know, raw crab.
I've eaten all sorts of bad things, but that's not It's kind of bloody.
No blood.
Oh, no, that's just red liquid.
Okay, I'll open one for myself.
Yeah.
We'll do it together.
It'll be great.
Then we can join a fraternity or something.
What in the heck? Look at this.
It looks like a little tiny brain, really.
Kind of skinny time of year for mussels.
Skinny? Yeah.
Good.
I'd hate to be here for the fat ones.
[ Laughter .]
No, seriously.
Really? Okay.
On 3.
No, you go on 3.
I'll go on 5.
'Cause I'm gonna see it happen.
Go ahead.
Oh.
Once they're cooked, mussels taste delicious.
Before that, though, they're not delicious.
Good? I'll see you in the emergency room.
In fact, when they're raw, they don't even taste like food.
[ Gulps .]
Okay, it's down.
Jeremy: Where's my $50 grand? It's down and it's staying down.
He's got some sort of iron stomach, right? He's gonna be fine, and I'm gonna be all balled up.
No, you'll be fine.
Everyone does it.
Everyone's doing it.
Got a chance to eat a raw mussel, do it.
Do we have most of it? We got it all, I think.
With that job done, it's time to load the shellfish into the plastic shipping crates, where they'll make the journey to the seafood processing plant.
While technology has advanced a lot in the last 100 years, this work is still done the old-fashioned way.
First scoop, just be gentle when you throw it in there.
Why's that? So they don't break when they land.
You want to race? Yeah, sure.
Got a little rhythm going there.
[ Exhales sharply .]
Now, you get that end, I get this one? Yeah, you got to get it above your head, though.
Oh, good, that should be no problem.
Seriously, it's gonna be that crane on the boat, isn't it? Yes, it is.
Thank god.
This is the part where finally some machinery steps in and helps out.
How's it work? We get behind this, and you're gonna want to push it as he releases the line over to that tote and set it on top of the tote.
What am I doing? Lifting it up? Oh, I see.
Right.
You want to put these through the hole.
Okay.
How much does this thing weigh? That one's probably, I'd say, a good 1,000 pounds of mussels and mud and various other stuff.
[ Laughs .]
What are you gonna do with the rest of them? We're gonna lower it back down.
They won't die.
Is that right? You just lower these straight down and they sit on the Yep.
Get them tomorrow morning.
Seems like they'd wash off or something in the current.
Maybe some of the lighter ones will.
All the good ones will stay.
Cool.
To ensure the freshest possible crop, the crew only takes enough mussels to fill orders already placed by customers.
The rest are lowered back down into the waters of the puget sound, where they'll stay dirty At least for one more day.
So, where do you take them from here? To our cleaning crew.
Declump them, cleans them, ready for sale.
Can I have a word with the cleaning crew? [ Laughs .]
After the mussels are hauled out of the bay, they're brought to this giant freezer in the same totes that we loaded them into.
Then they're dumped onto this conveyor belt.
The conveyor belt takes all the dirty, muddy mussels up to the top and drops them into this washing machine.
From there, they get scrubbed and run up another belt where these three guys separate the small from the medium from the large.
They got a system.
In the end, they come out here A whole lot cleaner, a whole lot less smelly, but for my taste, still a little raw.
That's the northern shore of Hawaii's big island.
Crashing waves, rocky shores, lush greenery everywhere you look.
It's all right.
But I didn't come to Hawaii for fun in the sun.
No, I came here to get the dirt on taro The vegetable Hawaiians use to make a traditional dish called poi.
Taro's been part of Hawaiian culture for centuries, and when it comes to farming taro, there's no better place to start than right here This idyllic valley where a single family has been growing this plant for 200 years.
Well, this is nonni svenson.
Hi, nonni.
Hi.
Nonni grows taro, and you've been doing this Your family's been doing this for what? Seven generations.
I'm seventh generation here.
What's going to happen to me today here on the taro farm? Well, we're gonna try to plant this field today.
Okay.
Getting in the mud.
When you look at me, I want you to see cheap labor.
I see cheap labor.
[ Laughs .]
I see a dirty, dirty taro farmer.
This is Brian, my partner.
Mike.
How are you? [ Chuckles .]
Dirty job, too.
Great.
So, this is the actual plant, right? Yes, it is.
It's different from a potato 'cause a potato has a tuber, which is underground.
But this corm actually grows at ground level and above.
They were connected before.
That's called the corm? The corm, yes.
This is all from here to here is called the corm.
So, what are you doing right now, Brian? Where are you in the process of your day? Today, we're starting to harvest.
You see that there? We're gonna harvest this one and replant it in the new lo'i.
Got it.
You just give it a tug here? It's a little ambitious.
I would come in underneath and start separating some of the roots 'cause it's actually in there pretty good.
What I do is I come in here and I start breaking the roots up.
There we go.
I think we got something major there.
And when you come up, you want to start taking the mud off.
I think I got him.
Okay.
So, we got ourselves a taro here.
We sure do.
Taro's got some weight to it.
Where do we put her? Right down here.
Roots in the water? Yeah, that's fine.
Want to go get some more? Well, sure.
So, we're separating the tiny roots from the main roots down here.
Whoa.
What the heck? What is this? This is poisonous? [ Chuckling .]
Yeah.
Dude.
I'm all about the information here in the taro swamp.
Feel free to share it with me.
[ Laughing continues .]
"Look at the charming poisonous toad.
" It's not that bad.
[ Both laugh .]
So, do I have a sufficient amount of mud off of the root system there? For now.
For now? Okay.
We're pretty much through the first step.
We've got the taro removed from this lo'i, correct? And then we're going to plant the stalks into this empty lo'i.
What can I do at this point to both contribute to the overall process and stay out of your way? Would you like to cut off the leaves and collect them? I'd love to cut off the leaves and collect them.
And those all go in a stack? Just stack them up.
Hawaiians use the taro leaf almost like a tortilla shell, wrapping meat and vegetables inside it to create a traditional snack.
After the leaves are removed, it's time to harvest the part of the taro plant known as the corm.
See right here, the leaves are coming out of this ring.
Want to cut right below it.
And you don't want to cut into that because that's called the apical meristem, or the growth area of the plant.
The apical meristem? Yeah, apical meristem.
It's Are you making stuff up now? Is that actually a word? It actually is, and I hope I've pronounced it correctly at this point.
Apical meristem.
You try and cut it flat.
And here's our harvestable corm.
And this is a nice huli.
And that's what we're gonna plant? Yeah, that's what we're gonna plant.
Can I look at the corm? Absolutely.
So this is the stuff that eventually is gonna become the poi.
At first glance, it's not the kind of thing that makes you go, "oh, I'll eat that.
So, what about just popping one of these open and taking a bite out of it? That would be a bad idea.
Why's that? They have an acid in the plant that if you eat it raw, or the leaf, it'll choke you.
It'll kind of give you an itchy feel.
It's like glass running down your throat.
Yeah, that would itch, I suppose, in a bleeding-to-death kind of way.
A small glass.
It's not deadly.
It's actually convertible.
It's part of the process.
When you cook it, you steam it, or you boil it, it breaks up or floats off that acid, and then you have an edible product.
Apical meristem? Corm.
Corm.
Apical meristem.
Yes.
It might be more effective if we came out and dropped it in, and pull it straight back to you.
Oh, you let it hit the bottom? Yeah, let it go down by its weight.
Oh, I was confused.
I thought you said we were just raking the top.
That's kind of what I see as the top.
Just go and let it sit.
You mean the top of the bottom.
The top of the soil.
I thought you meant the top of the water.
You can see my confusion.
Yes, I can.
For a minute there, I thought I was engaged in a completely senseless, fruitless endeavor Raking the top of water.
What are they doing back there? They're making a rope so we can make a straight line in the taro patch.
And now basically use your arm as a guide.
So, it's about 18 inches.
Push it down firmly.
Go here.
About like that.
The taro plant is the 14th-most-cultivated crop on earth, with over 5 million pounds produced every year in Hawaii alone.
An acre of Hawaiian farmland produces an average of 30,000 pounds of taro every year.
Well, we've got the huli in the lani.
Lo'i.
Lo'i.
Lani is "heavens.
" Heavens? Yeah.
Lani.
Well, you know what? You got a little slice of lani right here.
Absolutely.
I wanted to stick around and watch the little huli grow into big taro, but every dirty job must come to an end, and it was time for me to say goodbye.
Well, nonni, you were right.
It's a dirty job.
[ Chuckles .]
Sure is.
Look what I got.
I got huli, I got Lao, and I got the stuff.
You got the kalo.
I got the kalo.
You got everything.
Brian was great.
He got me good and dirty, and I even learned a couple things.
I'll leave this with you.
Thanks.
Stay dirty.
There was only one thing left to do Clean up and get ready to get dirty again.
I'm all shiny and new.
Today I've come to the M&M alpaca farm in shingle Springs, California.
These are alpacas.
Fascinating animals, they come from the camel family, although these don't have any humps.
They have fur, lots of fur.
And today, they're gonna get a haircut.
Alpaca fiber is five times warmer than wool and finer than cashmere.
Although it may not look very desirable now, an ounce of it can sell for more than $5.
Well, here we are.
This is an alpaca.
This is Mike over here.
And this is penny.
That's a table that's gonna flip over, and we're gonna shave her.
How often does this go on here? Once a year.
You're an alpaca farmer, basically? Yeah.
How many you got altogether? And these are bred purely for their For their fiber, yeah.
Their fiber.
Anything I should know about the alpaca before we begin actually removing the fur? They can spit.
Really? They spit when they get angry? When they get scared.
That's their defense.
The only defense an alpaca really has is their spitting.
Good grief, that's a very limited kind of response.
They can kick, but it's not enough to ward off any kind of predator.
Now, what am I doing? I'm leading her this way? You're gonna walk her straight up along the table to Mike, and when her belly gets across the strap right about Stop right there reach under and grab the belly strap.
Go ahead and push the table over whenever you're ready.
All right.
Okay.
Get those legs in the straps.
Make sure she's pretty good and tight 'cause the tighter she is, the less she can struggle and the less trouble she can get into.
Rowe: She seems okay.
Does the spit come out with the velocity that can actually knock you down? No.
Mike: Only if you smell it.
First, a fiber sample is taken from each alpaca.
The staple length, micron count, density, and fineness are some of the characteristics that will be analyzed.
Then, a rating will be provided to determine the fiber's value.
A bag of hair.
Send that off, would you, to the lab? The blanket we're gonna take off first.
Is gonna start right along the belly line.
Take it first here.
Shearing is done in three sections.
The first section is the belly, or the blanket.
This is the really good stuff, or the number-one fleece.
Very soft.
All right.
Then it's the number-two fleece The upper legs and lower neck.
We're going soft, fine, a little bit less fine, coarsest.
Right, the cheap stuff.
And the number-three fleece is the lower legs and face.
We're gonna approach the dangerous end here.
This would strike me as the hazardous You wait till you smell one that spits.
Keep hearing about the alpaca spit.
Have you ever butchered an animal before? Sure, just this morning, actually.
It was a chicken.
I didn't like the way it was looking at me.
Have you ever butchered a ruminant? We've all seen ruminants before.
It could be a cow, a llama, maybe a camel All of them have four-chambered stomachs, and it simply comes down to regurgitation.
An alpaca has the ability to propel its digestive juices, or spit, if you prefer, whenever it's scared or startled.
So, the whole shearing for the one animal could be worth roughly Could be worth $700 or $800.
So a good animal living a full life is worth thousands? Yeah, just in the fleece.
Penny: It's not an actual stomach.
I think I have some number-one in my nose.
[ Laughter .]
What's up with those teeth? Are they just bottom teeth? Holy smokes.
They got no upper teeth.
That's why I say they really don't have any defense or any way of hurting you.
They can't bite you.
I'm afraid I'm gonna cut her neck open.
Nope.
Try to even that up a little.
This is not as easy as you made it look.
This is why you hire her.
This is why I don't do it.
What am I doing here? Shazam, that's hot! If they start to get warm like that Listen to the sound of your motor.
If they start that slight screeching, that means they definitely need some lubrication, so we give them a little dunk.
Whenever you hear slight screeching, it could be a lubrication problem.
I made a mess of it, didn't I? You did.
Actually, you did a horrible job.
Mike: Better than I've done.
We got an alpaca that's still alive.
No one got hurt.
The fur came off.
Just clean her up.
Make her beautiful.
Okay, let her feet go.
Let her feet go.
Oh, my god.
[ Laughs .]
There's nothing to her.
Is this her? Yeah.
Oh.
[ Chuckling .]
That's the spit.
Yeah, she's gonna spit on me.
Aah! No.
Look at that.
She coughed that thing up.
That's something.
So, when they spit, they're literally spitting right out of their rumen, right out of the bad place? When she gets a good one, you'll hear her bring it up and you'll smell it.
Aah! [ Laughs .]
Flip it over.
There you go.
Don't spit on stop it! There we go.
Come on.
Come on, Goldie.
See, she's trying to work one up right there.
Working up a little loogie for guess who? You want to spit on me, don't you? We'll settle this outside.
Penny: There you go.
Second, third, where? Hey, Goldie, does this sound familiar? [ Hocking .]
Bad, bad, bad, bad.
Critique this honestly.
I can take it.
[ Laughs .]
See you've got umpteen different lengths of fibers.
I think "umpteen" might be overstating it a bit.
It's supposed to be kind of like a straight thing.
What about the fact that she's not bleeding? If it was me, I would take this part off next.
It is you.
Stop saying "if it was me.
" It's you.
You're holding them.
Yeah, but, you know, I'm here under here under your, what you call, tutelage.
Does that mean I'm responsible for your job? Ultimately, that's exactly what it means.
That was bad, because now we have a shorter length here, a longer length in some places, and little tiny length.
What do you reckon that cost him? I can't live with the guilt anymore.
A $40 mistake.
You might owe me more than that by the time we're done.
Here, let's switch.
[ Laughing .]
Actually, I kind of like watching you.
It's a disaster.
The total's gone American express? Good luck.
Might want to use it quick.
And you're giving me these gestures.
Just kind of go like that.
You want to come in like this, basically, and do a nice straight line in this basic area here.
We're gonna switch.
I'm gonna hold the head.
And now both Mike and myself and my eight viewers at home are going to watch you do this properly.
What else do the alpacas do besides grow their hair? Pretty much eat and breed.
Make little alpacas? Yeah.
Where does that happen? So, that's the love shack over there, basically.
That's where the action happens.
Where the man stays.
And is that our boy right there walking proudly? And he's looking over in this direction because I guess we're gonna grab a likely candidate, perhaps one of the ones that's got a new haircut.
Yeah, I think we'll go for the brown one down there.
Now, how do we know if the brown one's gonna be down for this? Real simple.
If they're not pregnant, she'll cush, which means she'll just lay down for the male and let the male mount her.
If she's pregnant, she'll start spitting and running and she won't let him anywhere close to her.
Kind of like real life.
[ Laughs .]
The way you preg-check a female is we'll breed her, and then a week from now, we'll put her in there again.
And she'll know if she's pregnant within a week.
So, she's self She's self-ovulating, yeah.
The instant we take her over there, she'll be ready.
When it comes to finding true love, catching the right one can be tricky.
Backing them into a corner does help.
Okay, all right.
Now, this is her little girl? Yeah.
Uh-oh.
Well, maybe she shouldn't see this.
You're gonna remember this guy.
Got along great last time.
He knows what's going on.
Oh, yeah, you think? Mike: We leave the halter on her.
Well, hold on there, sparky.
I didn't even let her go yet.
[ Grunting .]
Not a whole lot of romance in the barnyard.
So, we bred her.
It must not have taken.
That noise makes her ovulate.
[ Grunting .]
It's doing something to me, too.
[ Grunting .]
The only thing you have to do is make sure her tail's not in the way.
Me? I don't think the tail's in the way.
That's not a tail.
Here you go.
Look at that.
There you go.
It's not gonna get any easier than this.
No, no, no.
We're not here with guinness.
This is the discovery channel.
Oh, well, discover this.
This would be alpaca-style, I suppose.
[ Grunting .]
This is weird.
You don't really have to hold the tail.
Well, you know Just another day at the spa, really.
Get your toenails done, quick little haircut.
Sure, it costs extra, but Whatever.
So, after you get your three bags full, then what? Well, you take your fleece or your fiber and you spin it into yarn.
You make stuff.
How hard can that be? This is what you can do with alpaca yarn? That's what you would call it? This is Lynette, by the way.
Lynette eads.
And you're a professional what? Spinner and Weaver and knitter.
You want to get the debris out and the poo.
Big wooden paddle brushes with wire bristles, kind of like a dog's brush, are used to remove the debris.
And it's not that easy, is it? No, it's not.
Surprisingly tough.
And this is ready to spin.
Get your foot going.
Here it goes.
And get a good, steady speed.
Hold one hand there and kind of pull it.
Okay.
And let it go.
And you're spinning.
Wow.
You're talented.
Can't talk now.
Spinning.
Oh, no.
See, you overspun it.
I did.
It's too late for this one.
Oh, no.
Never.
'Cause of the twisting, it will just sort of twist together.
That's why I was getting the stink-eye from penny whenever I cut them too short.
Oh, no.
Those were the second cuts.
Those are bad.
This is why it's important to have the fibers being long.
'Cause the second cuts, if you don't get them out, they can make a big lump in your yarn.
You can spin anything, basically.
Yeah, even my own hair.
What'd you make? I wove some of my own hair in a coat, and then I used to wear it.
You made a coat out of your own hair.
People just look at me kind of crazy sometimes.
They kind of go, "all right, where is she coming from?" What's happening to people these days? They're just out there.
And so, the shearing will go on well into the night here at the M&M alpaca company, or until penny determines that everything on the farm that needs a haircut has had a haircut.
And I mean everything.
Sample? Penny: Yeah.
Send that off for a histogram.
We'll be able to make something out of that.
How short are we gonna take this? It's all about the money, right? The more we take, the more we get.
Kind of matted right there.
I'd take that.
That's definitely number-two.
That's not number-one.
This is poor quality.
The back here is a disaster.
Put some weight on him.
Penny: There we go.
Oh, yeah, that's pretty.
I mean I say we pop him up and have a look at this.
Job well-done.
Here we go.
There we go, boy, I got you.
Hold on, hold on.
Let's see what we got.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Look at you! Is it good? It's time for breeding.
Is it gonna look good with a tie? Now you do me.
Yeah? No.
[ Laughs .]
As you can see, we are desperate for new dirty jobs, and we'll do virtually anything to find them.
If you have an idea, no matter how absurd it may seem, go to discovery.
Com/dirtyjobs and tell us all about it.
I'd be grateful.
So would Troy.
You should get a receipt, and just walk in to the haircutter.
"I am pissed off!" "I want to talk to the manager.
" Is this something you got to do to keep your job? If this has anything to do with keeping my job, I should be getting a raise.
That's what I was gonna suggest.
Should have negotiated first.
You lost your leverage.
I explore the country looking for people who aren't afraid to get dirty What happened here? You don't know what it is? It's a dead bird.
I pretty much had figured that out.
Hardworking men and women who earn an honest living There's got to be a better way.
Doing the kinds of jobs that make civilized life possible for the rest of us.
Now, get ready to get dirty.
Captions by vitac captions paid for by discovery communications coming up on "dirty jobs" I'm in a boat on the water, but I'm not fishing.
It's mussel farming in Washington's puget sound.
They grow on a Chinese torture sock.
It's not recommended to eat mussels raw.
[ Chanting .]
Eat it, eat it.
Rowe: Eat it? Eat what? Oh, no, no, no, no.
But that doesn't stop these guys or me.
Then, I get dirty in paradise, harvesting and planting taro in Hawaii.
At first glance, it's not the kind of thing that makes you go, "oh, I'll eat that.
" It's different from a potato 'cause a potato has a tuber, which is underground.
But it's the same as a potato in that if you want one, you're gonna have to do some digging.
And later, I experience "shear" pleasure at a California alpaca farm.
You did a horrible job.
What about the fact that she's not bleeding? Alpaca fiber is warmer than wool and softer than cashmere.
Alpacas can be ornery, but the threat isn't their bark or their bite.
The only defense an alpaca really has is their spitting.
Aah! On a clear day, you can see the snow-capped olympic mountains reflected in the placid waters of Gallagher cove.
Today, the view is slightly different.
Behind me is the good ship Mabel.
Aboard, four filthy fellas who claim to be mussel farmers.
I don't know what that means, exactly, but it sounds dirty.
In the 1890s, Jay waldrick, frustrated with searching for gold in Mexico, settled along the puget sound in the state of Washington.
Here, he found true gold in the tiny oysters local to the area and started successfully farming them.
Today, the company that bears his grandchildren's last name, Taylor shellfish farms, is still in business, and is one of the biggest and busiest shellfish farms in the whole United States.
Who's the captain of this thing? Jeremy: Right here.
You're Jeremy? Mike.
How are you? Permission to come aboard? I guess.
[ Chuckles .]
Who are these guys? My crew.
Mike.
Gabron.
Jimmy.
James.
Rowe: You're a mussel farmer, basically, right? And the mussels in question, obviously, are out there underwater somewhere.
What are we gonna do today? We're gonna go get a couple thousand pounds.
Couple thousand pounds? That's like a ton.
Yeah.
Doing good.
All right, so, we're headed for We're headed for the four platforms.
Those platforms.
All right.
Even though we're on the water, we're not fishing.
We're farming.
The mussel farmers incubate the mussels in a hatchery and then plant them out here on the water where the mussels grow to adult size.
So, why mussels? Well, it's easy to farm.
Do they grow on the bottom? They grow in a sock.
Like a Chinese torture sock.
A sock? So, you got something hanging down? We got something hanging down off these rafts off the 2x4s.
That's good right there, Mike.
Good deal.
So, we're tied off, and i'm standing on a what, exactly? A platform.
A platform.
There's a platform here, there's a platform there.
What are these called? That's a float.
That's where the mussels hang.
The mussels are hanging underneath that float.
15 feet down on each 2x4.
So this is just a work platform I'm on.
And what's this? This is where we'll be doing most of the work, on this platform.
It's underwater.
Yes.
Are we going underwater? No.
I mean, I'm dressed for bad weather, but that would just be crazy.
We need to lower it down 20 feet and harvest these mussels, and then we'll raise it back up, and then we'll get dirty.
We lower this 20 feet, and then we bring the mussels over top of it? Then we'll strip them off.
You and I, Jeremy, we could talk about this all day, or we could just do it.
[ Engine turns over .]
Let's lower it down with that lever.
This is gonna be lowering that? Yes, it will lower the middle platform.
We'll do it until we see a black tape right there on the rope.
That'll let you know you're 20 feet? Yes.
There are two winches doing the job, and they both have to be operated in unison.
That's that black Mark you were talking about? Yeah.
Turn it off.
This black Mark indicates that the platform has been dropped 20 feet, and I guess those guys did the same thing over there.
So we're gonna basically walk it this way.
Pull it to that far cleat.
Okay, tie it off.
Okay.
Now what? I just leap over there? Leap over, yes.
Or, if you want, you can use the boat.
Yeah, I'll use the boat.
Oh, yeah.
This could go wrong a lot of ways.
This is safe.
What's that? Oh, good, a sharp knife on top of a wobbling platform.
This is perfect.
It's safe.
Very safe.
I've never felt safer.
Should I be following you? Yes.
Right over here.
The mussels hang on these lines right here.
You know, you're not supposed to run with scissors or operate knives in this sort of environment, I think.
What the heck? What am I looking at? I mean, aside from mussels.
They grow on this, these little socks.
What's all this? That's disgusting.
Just crap that grows on them.
What do we do? We're gonna cut these lashers in here.
We're just gonna let them fall? The platform that we lowered will catch it.
So, cut them Cut all these.
These mussels have been about a year.
So these guys have been hanging here for a year, but you've got these rafts set up all over the place, and these guys are just hanging off.
Buried treasure.
Once we've cut down all the mussel lines, it's time to raise the hidden platform up to the surface and get our first real look at this crop.
They make it look easy over there with two guys.
Well, I hate to break it to you, but we got two guys, too.
[ Laughs .]
That's good, Mike.
Tie it off.
Okay.
Now we can raise the platform.
So the platform that's now down 20 feet has all those socks or strands of mussels sitting on it.
We're gonna bring it up to the surface? Yep.
Okay.
So far at the mussel farm, I'd lowered a catch platform 20 feet, then placed the mussels over it, cut the lines they'd been attached to, and let them fall.
Now it was time to raise the platform again to see the size of the latest crop.
How'd they do it in the old days? Hand-cranking it.
Almost there.
All right, Mike, that's good.
[ Engine quiets .]
Holy smokes.
That's a mess.
That's as high as the platform comes? Yes.
Well, I'm glad I wore my boots.
We should start down there.
This is why we have the life jackets on? Yes.
You've been doing this a while, but this is the first real good look I've had at the mussels in their Well, they're not quite ready to serve.
These are the lines that we cut.
And they're all, obviously They're all tangled.
[ Laughs .]
They're all tangled and a bit of a mess.
You have any idea what all this stuff is on here that's not mussel? Sponges.
Looks like a little sponge.
It's basically anything that Why do they go to the line? Why do they hang on? What are they thinking? Nowhere else to go.
What's the job? The job is to cut the mussels off the lines.
The discs will go in the basket.
The lines will go in the basket.
The mussels will go in those totes.
So we're just gonna leave the mussels lie here while we While we strip.
Got it.
This is a disc.
These just live on the line periodically.
They're like little Two or three months after we plant, we'll put the disc in the line to keep the mussels from sloughing off.
It keeps, like, little levels.
Got you.
And this [ Chuckling .]
What is this? They're like little sea zits.
Yeah.
Do we know what these are? Tunicates.
Tunicates? Yes.
Got you.
Well, they're disgusting, whatever they are.
Mussels stay, everything else goes.
All kinds of odd little creatures here.
Some sort of worm.
Pretty easy? No, this is a drag, man.
I mean, really, this is a platform full of snotty mess.
And there are typically four of you guys.
How long will it take, when you're making good time, to clean it all? Half an hour to an hour.
So we got a lot to get through here.
How many pounds did you say were out here right now on this platform? There's about 6,000 pounds.
I feel like I should avoid walking on them.
I'm smashing them up.
You can't sell those, can you? No, just kind of glide.
Just glide.
Excuse me, guys, I'm just gliding.
[ Laughter .]
This is really slick over here.
This whole process is held together with plastic and rope.
Exactly.
It's pretty amazing, actually.
When I first started, I had no idea how a mussel became edible.
I'm still not 100% sure it is.
But you've been fishing all your life? No.
Actually, this is my first shellfish job.
Yeah, I worked fast food before this.
[ Laughs .]
It's quite the transition.
[ Chanting .]
Eat it, eat it.
You gonna eat one? Eat it? Eat what? Oh, really? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You have to eat one.
You're not supposed to eat raw mussels, are you? Everything's edible.
Seafood is good.
Tree bark is edible, but I don't want to eat it.
Work and have food at the same time.
Seriously, you guys eat the raw mussels? Sometimes.
I'm just thinking, like, what is it it's dysteria.
Aren't there diseases and things? It's all safe.
Which one are you gonna take? This is like some awful game of chance that I can't possibly win.
Let's go with this one.
I mean, I've eaten oysters, and I've eaten, you know, raw crab.
I've eaten all sorts of bad things, but that's not It's kind of bloody.
No blood.
Oh, no, that's just red liquid.
Okay, I'll open one for myself.
Yeah.
We'll do it together.
It'll be great.
Then we can join a fraternity or something.
What in the heck? Look at this.
It looks like a little tiny brain, really.
Kind of skinny time of year for mussels.
Skinny? Yeah.
Good.
I'd hate to be here for the fat ones.
[ Laughter .]
No, seriously.
Really? Okay.
On 3.
No, you go on 3.
I'll go on 5.
'Cause I'm gonna see it happen.
Go ahead.
Oh.
Once they're cooked, mussels taste delicious.
Before that, though, they're not delicious.
Good? I'll see you in the emergency room.
In fact, when they're raw, they don't even taste like food.
[ Gulps .]
Okay, it's down.
Jeremy: Where's my $50 grand? It's down and it's staying down.
He's got some sort of iron stomach, right? He's gonna be fine, and I'm gonna be all balled up.
No, you'll be fine.
Everyone does it.
Everyone's doing it.
Got a chance to eat a raw mussel, do it.
Do we have most of it? We got it all, I think.
With that job done, it's time to load the shellfish into the plastic shipping crates, where they'll make the journey to the seafood processing plant.
While technology has advanced a lot in the last 100 years, this work is still done the old-fashioned way.
First scoop, just be gentle when you throw it in there.
Why's that? So they don't break when they land.
You want to race? Yeah, sure.
Got a little rhythm going there.
[ Exhales sharply .]
Now, you get that end, I get this one? Yeah, you got to get it above your head, though.
Oh, good, that should be no problem.
Seriously, it's gonna be that crane on the boat, isn't it? Yes, it is.
Thank god.
This is the part where finally some machinery steps in and helps out.
How's it work? We get behind this, and you're gonna want to push it as he releases the line over to that tote and set it on top of the tote.
What am I doing? Lifting it up? Oh, I see.
Right.
You want to put these through the hole.
Okay.
How much does this thing weigh? That one's probably, I'd say, a good 1,000 pounds of mussels and mud and various other stuff.
[ Laughs .]
What are you gonna do with the rest of them? We're gonna lower it back down.
They won't die.
Is that right? You just lower these straight down and they sit on the Yep.
Get them tomorrow morning.
Seems like they'd wash off or something in the current.
Maybe some of the lighter ones will.
All the good ones will stay.
Cool.
To ensure the freshest possible crop, the crew only takes enough mussels to fill orders already placed by customers.
The rest are lowered back down into the waters of the puget sound, where they'll stay dirty At least for one more day.
So, where do you take them from here? To our cleaning crew.
Declump them, cleans them, ready for sale.
Can I have a word with the cleaning crew? [ Laughs .]
After the mussels are hauled out of the bay, they're brought to this giant freezer in the same totes that we loaded them into.
Then they're dumped onto this conveyor belt.
The conveyor belt takes all the dirty, muddy mussels up to the top and drops them into this washing machine.
From there, they get scrubbed and run up another belt where these three guys separate the small from the medium from the large.
They got a system.
In the end, they come out here A whole lot cleaner, a whole lot less smelly, but for my taste, still a little raw.
That's the northern shore of Hawaii's big island.
Crashing waves, rocky shores, lush greenery everywhere you look.
It's all right.
But I didn't come to Hawaii for fun in the sun.
No, I came here to get the dirt on taro The vegetable Hawaiians use to make a traditional dish called poi.
Taro's been part of Hawaiian culture for centuries, and when it comes to farming taro, there's no better place to start than right here This idyllic valley where a single family has been growing this plant for 200 years.
Well, this is nonni svenson.
Hi, nonni.
Hi.
Nonni grows taro, and you've been doing this Your family's been doing this for what? Seven generations.
I'm seventh generation here.
What's going to happen to me today here on the taro farm? Well, we're gonna try to plant this field today.
Okay.
Getting in the mud.
When you look at me, I want you to see cheap labor.
I see cheap labor.
[ Laughs .]
I see a dirty, dirty taro farmer.
This is Brian, my partner.
Mike.
How are you? [ Chuckles .]
Dirty job, too.
Great.
So, this is the actual plant, right? Yes, it is.
It's different from a potato 'cause a potato has a tuber, which is underground.
But this corm actually grows at ground level and above.
They were connected before.
That's called the corm? The corm, yes.
This is all from here to here is called the corm.
So, what are you doing right now, Brian? Where are you in the process of your day? Today, we're starting to harvest.
You see that there? We're gonna harvest this one and replant it in the new lo'i.
Got it.
You just give it a tug here? It's a little ambitious.
I would come in underneath and start separating some of the roots 'cause it's actually in there pretty good.
What I do is I come in here and I start breaking the roots up.
There we go.
I think we got something major there.
And when you come up, you want to start taking the mud off.
I think I got him.
Okay.
So, we got ourselves a taro here.
We sure do.
Taro's got some weight to it.
Where do we put her? Right down here.
Roots in the water? Yeah, that's fine.
Want to go get some more? Well, sure.
So, we're separating the tiny roots from the main roots down here.
Whoa.
What the heck? What is this? This is poisonous? [ Chuckling .]
Yeah.
Dude.
I'm all about the information here in the taro swamp.
Feel free to share it with me.
[ Laughing continues .]
"Look at the charming poisonous toad.
" It's not that bad.
[ Both laugh .]
So, do I have a sufficient amount of mud off of the root system there? For now.
For now? Okay.
We're pretty much through the first step.
We've got the taro removed from this lo'i, correct? And then we're going to plant the stalks into this empty lo'i.
What can I do at this point to both contribute to the overall process and stay out of your way? Would you like to cut off the leaves and collect them? I'd love to cut off the leaves and collect them.
And those all go in a stack? Just stack them up.
Hawaiians use the taro leaf almost like a tortilla shell, wrapping meat and vegetables inside it to create a traditional snack.
After the leaves are removed, it's time to harvest the part of the taro plant known as the corm.
See right here, the leaves are coming out of this ring.
Want to cut right below it.
And you don't want to cut into that because that's called the apical meristem, or the growth area of the plant.
The apical meristem? Yeah, apical meristem.
It's Are you making stuff up now? Is that actually a word? It actually is, and I hope I've pronounced it correctly at this point.
Apical meristem.
You try and cut it flat.
And here's our harvestable corm.
And this is a nice huli.
And that's what we're gonna plant? Yeah, that's what we're gonna plant.
Can I look at the corm? Absolutely.
So this is the stuff that eventually is gonna become the poi.
At first glance, it's not the kind of thing that makes you go, "oh, I'll eat that.
So, what about just popping one of these open and taking a bite out of it? That would be a bad idea.
Why's that? They have an acid in the plant that if you eat it raw, or the leaf, it'll choke you.
It'll kind of give you an itchy feel.
It's like glass running down your throat.
Yeah, that would itch, I suppose, in a bleeding-to-death kind of way.
A small glass.
It's not deadly.
It's actually convertible.
It's part of the process.
When you cook it, you steam it, or you boil it, it breaks up or floats off that acid, and then you have an edible product.
Apical meristem? Corm.
Corm.
Apical meristem.
Yes.
It might be more effective if we came out and dropped it in, and pull it straight back to you.
Oh, you let it hit the bottom? Yeah, let it go down by its weight.
Oh, I was confused.
I thought you said we were just raking the top.
That's kind of what I see as the top.
Just go and let it sit.
You mean the top of the bottom.
The top of the soil.
I thought you meant the top of the water.
You can see my confusion.
Yes, I can.
For a minute there, I thought I was engaged in a completely senseless, fruitless endeavor Raking the top of water.
What are they doing back there? They're making a rope so we can make a straight line in the taro patch.
And now basically use your arm as a guide.
So, it's about 18 inches.
Push it down firmly.
Go here.
About like that.
The taro plant is the 14th-most-cultivated crop on earth, with over 5 million pounds produced every year in Hawaii alone.
An acre of Hawaiian farmland produces an average of 30,000 pounds of taro every year.
Well, we've got the huli in the lani.
Lo'i.
Lo'i.
Lani is "heavens.
" Heavens? Yeah.
Lani.
Well, you know what? You got a little slice of lani right here.
Absolutely.
I wanted to stick around and watch the little huli grow into big taro, but every dirty job must come to an end, and it was time for me to say goodbye.
Well, nonni, you were right.
It's a dirty job.
[ Chuckles .]
Sure is.
Look what I got.
I got huli, I got Lao, and I got the stuff.
You got the kalo.
I got the kalo.
You got everything.
Brian was great.
He got me good and dirty, and I even learned a couple things.
I'll leave this with you.
Thanks.
Stay dirty.
There was only one thing left to do Clean up and get ready to get dirty again.
I'm all shiny and new.
Today I've come to the M&M alpaca farm in shingle Springs, California.
These are alpacas.
Fascinating animals, they come from the camel family, although these don't have any humps.
They have fur, lots of fur.
And today, they're gonna get a haircut.
Alpaca fiber is five times warmer than wool and finer than cashmere.
Although it may not look very desirable now, an ounce of it can sell for more than $5.
Well, here we are.
This is an alpaca.
This is Mike over here.
And this is penny.
That's a table that's gonna flip over, and we're gonna shave her.
How often does this go on here? Once a year.
You're an alpaca farmer, basically? Yeah.
How many you got altogether? And these are bred purely for their For their fiber, yeah.
Their fiber.
Anything I should know about the alpaca before we begin actually removing the fur? They can spit.
Really? They spit when they get angry? When they get scared.
That's their defense.
The only defense an alpaca really has is their spitting.
Good grief, that's a very limited kind of response.
They can kick, but it's not enough to ward off any kind of predator.
Now, what am I doing? I'm leading her this way? You're gonna walk her straight up along the table to Mike, and when her belly gets across the strap right about Stop right there reach under and grab the belly strap.
Go ahead and push the table over whenever you're ready.
All right.
Okay.
Get those legs in the straps.
Make sure she's pretty good and tight 'cause the tighter she is, the less she can struggle and the less trouble she can get into.
Rowe: She seems okay.
Does the spit come out with the velocity that can actually knock you down? No.
Mike: Only if you smell it.
First, a fiber sample is taken from each alpaca.
The staple length, micron count, density, and fineness are some of the characteristics that will be analyzed.
Then, a rating will be provided to determine the fiber's value.
A bag of hair.
Send that off, would you, to the lab? The blanket we're gonna take off first.
Is gonna start right along the belly line.
Take it first here.
Shearing is done in three sections.
The first section is the belly, or the blanket.
This is the really good stuff, or the number-one fleece.
Very soft.
All right.
Then it's the number-two fleece The upper legs and lower neck.
We're going soft, fine, a little bit less fine, coarsest.
Right, the cheap stuff.
And the number-three fleece is the lower legs and face.
We're gonna approach the dangerous end here.
This would strike me as the hazardous You wait till you smell one that spits.
Keep hearing about the alpaca spit.
Have you ever butchered an animal before? Sure, just this morning, actually.
It was a chicken.
I didn't like the way it was looking at me.
Have you ever butchered a ruminant? We've all seen ruminants before.
It could be a cow, a llama, maybe a camel All of them have four-chambered stomachs, and it simply comes down to regurgitation.
An alpaca has the ability to propel its digestive juices, or spit, if you prefer, whenever it's scared or startled.
So, the whole shearing for the one animal could be worth roughly Could be worth $700 or $800.
So a good animal living a full life is worth thousands? Yeah, just in the fleece.
Penny: It's not an actual stomach.
I think I have some number-one in my nose.
[ Laughter .]
What's up with those teeth? Are they just bottom teeth? Holy smokes.
They got no upper teeth.
That's why I say they really don't have any defense or any way of hurting you.
They can't bite you.
I'm afraid I'm gonna cut her neck open.
Nope.
Try to even that up a little.
This is not as easy as you made it look.
This is why you hire her.
This is why I don't do it.
What am I doing here? Shazam, that's hot! If they start to get warm like that Listen to the sound of your motor.
If they start that slight screeching, that means they definitely need some lubrication, so we give them a little dunk.
Whenever you hear slight screeching, it could be a lubrication problem.
I made a mess of it, didn't I? You did.
Actually, you did a horrible job.
Mike: Better than I've done.
We got an alpaca that's still alive.
No one got hurt.
The fur came off.
Just clean her up.
Make her beautiful.
Okay, let her feet go.
Let her feet go.
Oh, my god.
[ Laughs .]
There's nothing to her.
Is this her? Yeah.
Oh.
[ Chuckling .]
That's the spit.
Yeah, she's gonna spit on me.
Aah! No.
Look at that.
She coughed that thing up.
That's something.
So, when they spit, they're literally spitting right out of their rumen, right out of the bad place? When she gets a good one, you'll hear her bring it up and you'll smell it.
Aah! [ Laughs .]
Flip it over.
There you go.
Don't spit on stop it! There we go.
Come on.
Come on, Goldie.
See, she's trying to work one up right there.
Working up a little loogie for guess who? You want to spit on me, don't you? We'll settle this outside.
Penny: There you go.
Second, third, where? Hey, Goldie, does this sound familiar? [ Hocking .]
Bad, bad, bad, bad.
Critique this honestly.
I can take it.
[ Laughs .]
See you've got umpteen different lengths of fibers.
I think "umpteen" might be overstating it a bit.
It's supposed to be kind of like a straight thing.
What about the fact that she's not bleeding? If it was me, I would take this part off next.
It is you.
Stop saying "if it was me.
" It's you.
You're holding them.
Yeah, but, you know, I'm here under here under your, what you call, tutelage.
Does that mean I'm responsible for your job? Ultimately, that's exactly what it means.
That was bad, because now we have a shorter length here, a longer length in some places, and little tiny length.
What do you reckon that cost him? I can't live with the guilt anymore.
A $40 mistake.
You might owe me more than that by the time we're done.
Here, let's switch.
[ Laughing .]
Actually, I kind of like watching you.
It's a disaster.
The total's gone American express? Good luck.
Might want to use it quick.
And you're giving me these gestures.
Just kind of go like that.
You want to come in like this, basically, and do a nice straight line in this basic area here.
We're gonna switch.
I'm gonna hold the head.
And now both Mike and myself and my eight viewers at home are going to watch you do this properly.
What else do the alpacas do besides grow their hair? Pretty much eat and breed.
Make little alpacas? Yeah.
Where does that happen? So, that's the love shack over there, basically.
That's where the action happens.
Where the man stays.
And is that our boy right there walking proudly? And he's looking over in this direction because I guess we're gonna grab a likely candidate, perhaps one of the ones that's got a new haircut.
Yeah, I think we'll go for the brown one down there.
Now, how do we know if the brown one's gonna be down for this? Real simple.
If they're not pregnant, she'll cush, which means she'll just lay down for the male and let the male mount her.
If she's pregnant, she'll start spitting and running and she won't let him anywhere close to her.
Kind of like real life.
[ Laughs .]
The way you preg-check a female is we'll breed her, and then a week from now, we'll put her in there again.
And she'll know if she's pregnant within a week.
So, she's self She's self-ovulating, yeah.
The instant we take her over there, she'll be ready.
When it comes to finding true love, catching the right one can be tricky.
Backing them into a corner does help.
Okay, all right.
Now, this is her little girl? Yeah.
Uh-oh.
Well, maybe she shouldn't see this.
You're gonna remember this guy.
Got along great last time.
He knows what's going on.
Oh, yeah, you think? Mike: We leave the halter on her.
Well, hold on there, sparky.
I didn't even let her go yet.
[ Grunting .]
Not a whole lot of romance in the barnyard.
So, we bred her.
It must not have taken.
That noise makes her ovulate.
[ Grunting .]
It's doing something to me, too.
[ Grunting .]
The only thing you have to do is make sure her tail's not in the way.
Me? I don't think the tail's in the way.
That's not a tail.
Here you go.
Look at that.
There you go.
It's not gonna get any easier than this.
No, no, no.
We're not here with guinness.
This is the discovery channel.
Oh, well, discover this.
This would be alpaca-style, I suppose.
[ Grunting .]
This is weird.
You don't really have to hold the tail.
Well, you know Just another day at the spa, really.
Get your toenails done, quick little haircut.
Sure, it costs extra, but Whatever.
So, after you get your three bags full, then what? Well, you take your fleece or your fiber and you spin it into yarn.
You make stuff.
How hard can that be? This is what you can do with alpaca yarn? That's what you would call it? This is Lynette, by the way.
Lynette eads.
And you're a professional what? Spinner and Weaver and knitter.
You want to get the debris out and the poo.
Big wooden paddle brushes with wire bristles, kind of like a dog's brush, are used to remove the debris.
And it's not that easy, is it? No, it's not.
Surprisingly tough.
And this is ready to spin.
Get your foot going.
Here it goes.
And get a good, steady speed.
Hold one hand there and kind of pull it.
Okay.
And let it go.
And you're spinning.
Wow.
You're talented.
Can't talk now.
Spinning.
Oh, no.
See, you overspun it.
I did.
It's too late for this one.
Oh, no.
Never.
'Cause of the twisting, it will just sort of twist together.
That's why I was getting the stink-eye from penny whenever I cut them too short.
Oh, no.
Those were the second cuts.
Those are bad.
This is why it's important to have the fibers being long.
'Cause the second cuts, if you don't get them out, they can make a big lump in your yarn.
You can spin anything, basically.
Yeah, even my own hair.
What'd you make? I wove some of my own hair in a coat, and then I used to wear it.
You made a coat out of your own hair.
People just look at me kind of crazy sometimes.
They kind of go, "all right, where is she coming from?" What's happening to people these days? They're just out there.
And so, the shearing will go on well into the night here at the M&M alpaca company, or until penny determines that everything on the farm that needs a haircut has had a haircut.
And I mean everything.
Sample? Penny: Yeah.
Send that off for a histogram.
We'll be able to make something out of that.
How short are we gonna take this? It's all about the money, right? The more we take, the more we get.
Kind of matted right there.
I'd take that.
That's definitely number-two.
That's not number-one.
This is poor quality.
The back here is a disaster.
Put some weight on him.
Penny: There we go.
Oh, yeah, that's pretty.
I mean I say we pop him up and have a look at this.
Job well-done.
Here we go.
There we go, boy, I got you.
Hold on, hold on.
Let's see what we got.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Look at you! Is it good? It's time for breeding.
Is it gonna look good with a tie? Now you do me.
Yeah? No.
[ Laughs .]
As you can see, we are desperate for new dirty jobs, and we'll do virtually anything to find them.
If you have an idea, no matter how absurd it may seem, go to discovery.
Com/dirtyjobs and tell us all about it.
I'd be grateful.
So would Troy.
You should get a receipt, and just walk in to the haircutter.
"I am pissed off!" "I want to talk to the manager.
" Is this something you got to do to keep your job? If this has anything to do with keeping my job, I should be getting a raise.
That's what I was gonna suggest.
Should have negotiated first.
You lost your leverage.