Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e32 Episode Script

HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
HE'S MIXING
WITH THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GAME
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
THEY'L FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CAT'S SUPERIORITY
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
O-O-OH OH
OH-OH O-O-OH O-OH ♪
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
THIS FRESH AIR REALLY
GIVES ME AN APPETITE.
[SMACKING LIPS]
[BOING]
[BOING]
OH, BOY!
MMM!
HEY, THAT MADE ME HUNGRY.
I NEED A SNACK.
- EEK!
- AAH!
- YEOW!
- YOU KNOW, A BREAKFAS
WITHOUT FISH
IS LIKE A DAY
WITHOUT SUNSHINE,
AND WHO WANTS TO LIVE
IN THE DARK?
AND WHO WANTS
TO EAT ALONE?
I THINK I'LL DROP IN
ON THE BEAUTIFUL SONIA.
- AHH
- HMM?
- WHOOPS!
OK, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- HUH? OOGH
HOW COULD YOU LOOK
AT THAT--THAT--
THAT WIMP?
- BECAUSE HE DOESN'
HAVE THAT HUGE
- NO! THIS IS NOT FAT!
IT'S MUSCLE,
PURE MUSCLE.
UH, WATCH THIS.
- HA HA HA!
- I'M NOT FAT!
OH! OW!
OOMF! OOF! OW! AH!
OOOH
OH--BURP.
[SHOUTING]
I'M NOT FAT!
- I DON'T THINK
I'M OVERWEIGHT,
BUT THE DOC SAYS
I'VE GOT TO LOSE 10 POUNDS
BEFORE MY NEXT VISIT.
- I THOUGHT YOU SAID
IT WAS ALL MUSCLE, GRANDPA.
- PURE TABLE MUSCLE
IS WHAT IT IS.
A COUPLE OF DAYS
OF LETTUCE AND
COTTAGE CHEESE
WILL MAKE THAT GO AWAY.
- LETTUCE AND
COTTAGE CHEESE
YUCK!
- THE DOC GAVE ME
THIS DIET BOOK.
EVERYTHING I CAN
AND CAN'T EA
IS LISTED IN THERE,
AND NONE OF I
IS VERY APPETIZING.
- WELL, IT'S
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH.
GULP!
OK, OK!
I GET THE IDEA!
- I'VE GOT YOUR FAVORITE
TODAY, HEATHCLIFF.
TUNA FIESTA.
WELL, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH HEATHCLIFF?
- UH, "CABBAGE
"CARROTS, CELERY,
"SPINACH,
BROCCOLI"?
EE-YUCK!
I'M A CAT. I CAN'
EAT THAT STUFF.
- HEY! WHAT'S
THE BIG IDEA?!
HOLD I
RIGHT THERE, SPORT.
THAT LITTLE PIECE
OF CHEESE YOU'RE HOLDING
HAS OVER
500 CALORIES IN IT.
THAT'S 500 CALORIES
OF UGLY FAT, SPORT.
- 500 CALORIES?!
OH, NO.
- HA HA HA HA!
- IT LOOKS LIKE
HEATHCLIFF'S ON A DIET.
- YOU MEAN, LIKE,
SCAT TO THE FAT?
- EXACTLY.
AND THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA.
IF WE CAN KEEP
HEATHCLIFF ON A DIET,
HE'LL GET SO WEAK
THAT WE CAN TAKE OVER
HIS TERRITORY.
- DUH
BUT HOW CAN WE KEEP
HEATHCLIFF FROM EATING?
- YEAH. LIKE,
THAT KITTY'S FAME
IS THE EATING GAME.
- JUST COME WITH ME.
HEATHCLIFF, OL' PAL,
LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ON
THE OLD DIET TRAIL.
- YEAH. SONIA'S LOOKING
AT OTHER CATS.
I GOTTA LOSE
SOME WEIGHT,
BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW.
I LOVE TO EAT.
I'M SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW,
I COULD EA
THIS STUPID BOOK.
- BETTER NOT. LOTS
OF CALORIES IN THERE.
- HECTOR, CAN YOU HELP ME?
I GOTTA LOSE SOME
WEIGHT REAL FAST,
BUT I'M SO HUNGRY
ALL THE TIME.
- NOTHIN' EASIER,
BUT EATIN'S
ONLY HALF OF IT.
YES, SIR. WE'RE GONNA
PUT YOU ON THE PATENTED
HECTOR EXERCISE PROGRAM
FOR FAT CATS.
YOU LOSE TWICE THE WEIGH
IN HALF THE TIME.
- YOU'LL GET SO THIN,
YOU'LL BE NOTHING BUT A GRIN.
- JUST MEET US IN THE ALLEY
IN 5 MINUTES,
AND WE'LL GET YOU
ON YOUR WAY
TO BECOMING
A SLEEKER KITTY CAT.
- YEAH. YOU'LL
LOSE WEIGHT, TOO.
- KEEP GOIN', HEATHCLIFF.
ALL THAT UNSIGHTLY FAT IS
GOING TO BURN RIGHT AWAY.
- YEAH. LIKE, NO PAIN,
NO GAIN, HEATHCLIFF.
- LET'S DO SOME PUSHUPS
NOW, HEATHCLIFF.
- HOW MANY OF THESE
DO I HAVE TO DO?
[PANTING]
- NOT MANY.
UH, A THOUSAND
SHOULD BE FINE.
- A THOUSAND?!
- HEY, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT IT.
NONE OF US CAN COUNT.
HEH HEH HEH!
- [PANTING]
- OK, HEATHCLIFF,
TIME FOR SOME ROADWORK.
- HOW
MUCH
ROADWORK?
OH, NOTHING HARD,
JUST A 10-MILE RUN.
- 10 MILES?!
- HEY, IT'S EASY.
JUST RUN 5 MILES,
THEN COME BACK.
HEH HEH HEH!
THAT'S THE WAY, OL' PAL.
AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT US.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
- [ALL CHORTLING]
OK, MONGO,
WORDSWORTH,
GET THE CART.
- [SNIFFING]
OH! IF I DON'T GE
SOMETHING TO EAT,
I'M NEVER GONNA
FINISH THIS RUN.
- THERE HE IS,
AND HE'S GOT A FISH.
UH, WHAT YA
GOT THERE, FATSO?
- HEH HEH HEH HEH.
I JUST THOUGHT I'D
PICK UP SOME COMPANY
FOR THE LONG JOG.
- KEEP RUNNIN'.
- MMM!
- YUMMY!
- HEATHCLIFF'S CATCH WAS
FROM THE FISHERMAN'S BATCH.
- UH-OH.
MEOW?
- MIGHT AS WELL SEE THE SIGHTS
WHILE I RUN.
[PANTING]
STEAK!
HUH?
- OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
STEAK AIN'
ON THE MENU.
- BUT I'M HUNGRY.
JUST A NIBBLE.
- NOT EVEN A TASTE.
NOW GO FINISH
YOUR RUN,
AND NO MORE
SIDE TRIPS.
- OHH
- HEY, HECTOR.
WHAT YOU GONNA DO
WITH THIS STEAK?
- YEAH. LIKE, HEATHCLIFF'S
GOT THE GRIEF,
BUT WE'VE GOT THE BEEF.
- WE SURE DO.
WHAT THE--
- I THINK THAT MEA
WAS THE TIGER'S TREAT.
- FOOD.
UH, HERE, SPIKE.
HERE, BOY.
COME ON, SPIKE.
COME ON,
LET'S PLAY.
YOU WANNA FETCH?
HERE YOU GO.
HERE, BOY.
- RUFF RUFF!
RUFF RUFF RUFF!
- FOOD AT LAST.
- DON'T EAT THAT FOOD.
DON'T PUT THAT FOOD
IN YOUR MOUTH.
OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
- PLEASE, HECTOR,
JUST ONE BITE.
I'M GROWING WEAK
WITH HUNGER.
I CAN BARELY
LIFT MY ARMS.
- OH, YEAH?
WELL, I'VE BEEN WAITING
TO SAY THIS
FOR A LONG TIME,
HEATHCLIFF.
ME AND THE BOYS HERE
ARE TAKING OVER
THE NEIGHBORHOOD,
AND YOU'RE
TOO WEAK TO--
- [SPIKE GROWLING]
GRRRR!
GRRR!
- YEOOW!
- OWW!
- HEATHCLIFF!
I WAS EMBARRASSED
THAT YOU SAW ME LOOKING
AT ANOTHER CAT.
I DON'T WANT YOU
TO LOSE WEIGHT.
I LOVE YOU
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
- YOU DO?
- YES.
- THAT'S THE BEST NEWS
I'VE HEARD ALL DAY.
YIPEE!
- [GIGGLING]
- THIS DIET IS TOO MUCH.
I HAVE TO HAVE A SNACK
WHILE GRANDMA'S AWAY.
OH, NO!
DID YOU LEAVE ME
ANYTHING?
- URP!
- [SCAT SINGING]
- [SNORING]
- BREAKFAST!
- BREAKFAST!
LIKE, MOVE YOUR FACE
FROM MY FEE
SO I CAN GO EAT.
- YOU MORON! STOP MOVIN'!
- [SNORING]
OUCH!
MUST BE TIME FOR BREAKFAST.
- WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE?
- THESE THINGS ARE LIKE CONCRETE
AND IMPOSSIBLE TO EAT.
- WHAT DID YOU PU
IN THESE THINGS, RUBBER?
- DUH, NO.
I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN'
DIFFERENT.
THIS BATTER WAS FINE
WHEN I USED IT LAST MONTH.
- LAST MONTH?!
- BLECH!
- OK, YOU CATS,
YOUR TIME HAS COME.
- WHY, LEROY, TO WHAT DO WE
OWE THIS DISPLEASURE?
- LAUGH WHILE YOU CAN,
RIFFRAFF.
- HAVE SOME OF
MONGO'S PANCAKES
WHILE YA TELL US
ALL ABOUT IT, SPORT.
- I HAVE BEEN
GIVEN AN ASSISTAN
BY THE JUNKYARD OWNER,
SO THERE'S
GONNA BE TWO OF US
ON YOUR TRAILS
FROM NOW ON.
SO NO MORE PRANKS,
'CAUSE NOTHIN'S GOIN'
ON IN THIS JUNKYARD
WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.
- [YAWNS]
SO WHEN DO WE MEE
THE WONDER ASSISTANT?
- RIGHT NOW.
YO! MARTIN!
COME ON OVER.
- HEH HEH HA HA!
HOWDY, FELLAS.
HOW YA DOIN'?
HO HO! SHAKE, PAL.
- [SCREAMING]
- OH HO HO! YA DIDN'T HAVE
TO GET UP ON MY ACCOUNT.
- HEH HEH HEH HEH!
THAT GUY CRACKS ME UP.
- YOU MUST BE RIFFRAFF.
LEROY TELLS ME YOU'RE
A REAL OPERATOR.
LET'S SHAKE AND GE
THIS RELATIONSHIP OFF
TO A GOOD START.
- NOT ME, BUDDY.
I'VE GOT YOU PEGGED
FOR A PRACTICAL JOKER.
AND I'M GONNA AVOID YOU
LIKE THE PLAGUE.
[PPPPBBBLLLTT]
- NYAH HA HA HA HA HA!
THE OLD WHOOPEE CUSHION!
GUESS YOU'RE NOT AS SMAR
AS LEROY SAID YOU WERE.
[RUBBER STRETCHING]
WELL, HA HA, IT'S TIME
WE GOT BACK TO WORK, BUDDY.
HEY, HA HA HA!
THAT'S A GOOD ONE,
LEROY.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
SHOW ME HOW YOU DO THAT.
HO HO HEH HEH!
- DUH, GEE.
WHAT A HAPPY GUY.
- YEAH, A REAL HAPPY GUY.
HE JUST BETTER NOT GE
IN MY WAY FOR THE NEX
COUPLE OF DAYS.
CLEO'S COMIN' OVER,
AND WE'RE GONNA
REHEARSE OUR DANCE
FOR THE ANNUAL JUNKYARD CATS
PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT.
- IT'S GONNA BE
SO MUCH FUN.
- CLEO, YOU'RE
AS BEAUTIFUL AS EVER.
- SO WHAT'S NEW?
AND WHO WERE YOU
TALKING TO WHEN I SHOWED UP?
- LEROY'S GO
A NEW ASSISTANT,
A REAL PRACTICAL JOKER.
- HE'S NOT GONNA RUIN
THE ANNUAL JUNKYARD
CATS PARTY, IS HE?
- NOT AS LONG
AS I'M AROUND.
WE'RE WASTIN' TIME.
LET'S REHEARSE
OUR DANCE NUMBER.
OK, WORDSWORTH, HIT IT.
- WHEN I TURN THE CRANK,
THE MUSIC COMES OU
SO RIFF AND CLEO
CAN TWIST AND SHOUT.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
- I TOLD THEM
I DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING
GOIN' ON WITHOUT MY OK.
- OOH HEH HEH HEH.
WHAT DO YA SAY WE
GO LIVEN UP THEIR
LITTLE DANCE PARTY?
HEH HEH HEH.
HEH HEH HEH.
WATCH THIS.
SUCH A HOT DANCE
SHOULD HAVE HOT MUSIC.
[MUSIC SPEEDING UP]
- WORDSWORTH,
WHAT ARE YA DOING?
- WELL, I'D CALL I
AN ACT OF FATE.
THE MACHINE SKIPPED 33
AND WENT TO 78.
YEEEOOWW!
- HEH HEH HEH.
- HEH HEH HEH.
- I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
- I TOLD YOU GUYS THA
NOTHIN' IS GOIN' ON
IN THIS JUNKYARD
WITHOUT MY OK.
- YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
LEROY.
THIS JOKER'S JOKES
ARE GONNA BACKFIRE
SOONER OR LATER.
- LOOK AT ME. I'M A MESS.
I SPENT DAYS STYLING MY FUR
AND PICKING OU
THESE LEG WARMERS.
NOW LOOK AT ME.
- HEH HEH HEH.
- HEH HEH HEH.
- OH, MY DEAR, I'M SO SORRY
I RUINED YOUR DANCE.
PLEASE ACCEP
MY APOLOGY
AND HAVE A SNIFF
OF MY FRESH FLOWER.
- CLEO, DON'T SMELL
THAT FLOWER.
- I DON'T SMELL ANY--
- HEH HEH HEH HEH.
HA HA HA HA!
- MY FUR IS RUINED!
LOOK WHAT THAT MUT
HAS DONE TO ME.
- HA HA! JUST A LITTLE
INDIA INK. AN OLD JOKE.
- JUST A LITTLE INK?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO HAVE YOURSELF DRY CLEANED?
I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
- COME ON, CLEO.
DON'T WASTE YOURSELF
ON THIS JERK.
- OK, SMART GUY,
BUT AS LONG AS THAT JERK
IS HERE, I'M NOT.
- CLEO!
- DUH, HEY, YOU'RE NO
BEING VERY NICE TO US.
- Y'KNOW? YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M ASHAMED OF MYSELF.
FROM THIS DAY ON, I'M THROUGH
WITH PRACTICAL JOKES.
- UH, YOU ARE?
- SURE. LET'S DRINK
TO MY NEW LIFE.
- DUH, HEY.
- HEH HEH HEH.
- HEH HEH HEH.
CAN YOU BELIEVE HE FELL
FOR THE DRIBBLE GLASS?!
- THAT'LL TEACH 'EM
TO PLAN A PARTY
IN MY JUNKYARD.
MARTIN, YOU ARE TOO MUCH.
- THAT DOES IT!
WE CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS GUY
TO MESS UP.
WE'RE GOING TO WAR!
- YA KNOW, MARTIN,
YOU DID A GREAT JOB OF
TEACHIN' THOSE CATS TODAY.
- HEH HEH HA HA!
IF YA LIKED THOSE GAGS,
WAIT UNTIL I TRY THIS
SNEEZING POWDER ON THEM!
- HEH HEH HEH HEH!
I CAN'T WAIT.
THOSE STUPID CATS
REALLY THOUGHT I'D LET THEM
HAVE THEIR PARTY
IN MY JUNKYARD.
I'LL GET IT.
HEY!
- WHAT HAPPENED?
OH, HO HO, NO!
MY SNEEZING POWDER!
[STIFLING SNEEZE]
- HANG ON, MARTIN.
I'LL GET YOU A HANDKERCHIEF.
- [STIFLING SNEEZE]
- HEY! DID YOU DO THIS?
- NO--NO!
[STIFLING SNEEZE]
- USE THE HANDKERCHIEF.
- AAAHHH-CHOOOO!
- UNH!
- AH-AH-AH-AH-AH
- COVER YOUR MOUTH!
COVER YOUR MOUTH!
- OOH! IT'S STUCK!
SOMEBODY PUT THE FLYPAPER
IN THE TISSUE BOX!
AHAH
AH-CHOO!
PULL! OOH! OOH!
AHAH
CHOO!
[CRASH]
THIS--AH-CHOO!
IS NOT THE PLACE--
AH-CHOO!
FOR ME!
AH-CHOO!
- [LAUGHING]
- ALL PRACTICAL JOKERS
ARE THE SAME.
THEY CAN DISH IT OUT,
BUT THEY CAN'T TAKE IT.
LET'S GET READY FOR LEROY.
- MARTIN! MARTIN!
WHERE ARE YOU?!
HELP ME GET THIS
BLASTED FLYPAPER OFF!
OOH!
WHERE'S MARTIN?
- GONE, WITH ALL
HIS BAD JOKES.
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN
AGAIN, LEROY, OLD BUDDY.
- ALONE OR NOT,
THESE LITTLE TRICKS
ARE NEVER GONNA GET ME
TO AGREE TO YOUR PARTY.
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!
[RUMBLING]
IT'S NOT FAIR!
IT'S NOT FAIR!
ONE OF THESE DAYS,
I'M GONNA GET THOSE CATS!
MAYBE NOT TOMORROW,
MAYBE NOT THE NEXT DAY,
BUT ONE OF THESE DAYS!
OUCH!
OOOH!
OWOOOO!
OWWOOOOOO!
- TODAY WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOU
MY LEAST FAVORITE SUBJECT: DOGS.
SPORTING DOGS NEED MORE EXERCISE
THAN NON-SPORTING DOGS.
- I THOUGHT WE GAVE DOGS ALL
HTE EXERCISE THEY COULD ASK FOR.
- [LAUGHTER]
- A YOUNG, SPORT-BRED DOG
NEEDS TO JOG ONE HOUR PER DAY.
YOU GOT THAT?
- GOTCHA, PROFESSOR HEATHCLIFF.
I GUESS IT'S TIME
FOR MY EXERCISE.
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THE GAME
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU