Milo Murphy's Law (2016) s01e32 Episode Script
The Island of Lost Dakotas
1 [TITLE MUSIC.]
# Look at that sun Look at that sky # # Look at my sweater vest I look so fly # # Look at that mailbox Look at that tree # # It's about as beautiful as it can be # # Whoa # Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Whoa - # We're all livin' in it # - # Whoa # Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Oh, come on.
We had ye olde pizza last week! What? That was like 72 hours ago.
- It's not still in my stomach.
- I want a corn dog! - Do you know what a corn dog is? - Well, apparently it's ground pig meat shoved in a sheep's intestine dipped in corn batter and deep fried.
Well, I guess you do! DAKOTA: Get me one while you're Wait Wait, uh, look out! [PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
Aah! Argh [SIGHS.]
Here we go again.
Did you see that guy get crushed? Yeah, yeah, I'm workin' on it.
MAN: Look out, look out! [NARRATOR READING.]
Oh come on.
We had ye olde pizza last week! What? That was like 72 hours ago.
It's not still in my stomach.
[SHUSHING.]
Hey, Cavendish, could you go close the top? Oh, certainly.
- Really? - Yup.
A/C unit, right on the head.
Here, send me a postcard.
Yeah, thanks.
So anyway, what do you want to eat? - I want a corn dog! - I'm way ahead of you.
- Ta-da! - Excellent! When did you get these? When you weren't looking.
Gosh, how fortunate.
You could have been hurt.
Yeah, I coulda been hurt.
That's the take away here.
Hmm, all right, I guess it's my turn.
ZACK: Are you guys ready to go? Hamosaur 2 waits for no man! I'm two T-shirt excited! It'll be downtown today from 2:00 to 2:15 as part of its official Hamosaur 2 tour.
Since the original Hamosaur disappeared earlier this year - under mysterious circumstances.
- [CHUCKLES.]
No big mystery.
It chased me into the Colorado River.
[GROANS.]
ALL: Oh, no, Hamosaur! Hold up.
You saw the original Hamosaur? It's a long story.
- How long? - About eleven minutes.
Well, Hamosaur 2's gonna be even better.
As soon as we find my shoes, we're gone! - [BLOWS.]
These should do it.
- Uh, I - I can't really wear sneakers with laces.
- Wait, what? Why not? I I feel like I should know the answer to this and don't.
- Give.
- Okay, um Have either of you guys ever seen a pair of lace-up sneakers over a telephone wire or on the side of the road? Here, how about you explain on the way? - Don't want to be late! - Well, um, maybe.
I'm gonna order a new pair of shoes now in case mine really are lost.
- Same day delivery guaranteed! - Those are some fast shoes.
Not fast enough! Let's go! You see, I'm a time traveler, and my partner Cavendish died on the job.
So I went back in time and saved him.
But now that means there's two me's, two Dakotas in this time period and only one Cavendish, - and you can't do that.
- You can't do that? No way.
Big no-no.
So, I'm sending myself away to an island.
Yeah, not quite sure what I'm gonna find when I get there except for a bunch of me's.
This happens much more often than you'd think.
Me first! [EXCLAIMING AND LAUGHING.]
[GROANING.]
- Me first! - No no, this way.
Over here.
[SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[THUD.]
[SCREAMS.]
[NEIGHS.]
You must really care about him to make that kind of metaphysical sacrifice of your alternate time-line self He's Cavendish.
What are you gonna do? - Good luck on your island, Dakota! - Thanks, Francis, and don't worry about your grandson! - I'm sure it's just a phase! - Nah, he's a bad seed.
Uh, may I help you? Uh yeah, I think I'm supposed to travel on this ship? Uh, please may I take a look at your ticket? You've booked one-way passage to the unknown island shrouded in mystery.
Your room for the trip is on deck Y next to the cargo hold.
You may hear the sounds of caged, wild exotic animals, but your room comes with a complimentary - bottle of water and satellite TV.
- Um Who are you? - I'm the captain.
- Of this boat? Oh.
I see.
Is it my appearance? The shirt? Would you prefer I wore a rugged turtle neck? And that I wore a dirty old captain's hat? No I I Maybe a permanent 5 o'clock shadow of a beard - and a Russian accent? - No, I I didn't mean to A piece of wood for a leg? - No-no, I, uh - Would that satisfy you? - I just thought - Only some salty old sea dog is qualified to be captain of a ship like this? - No, I I didn't - Sir, I graduated top of my class at Naval Academy, and for 11 years I've lead this crew to the darkest parts of the ocean.
- But that's probably not enough for some people.
- I didn't mean to - I'm sorry.
I never meant any - We sail in an hour.
Right up the ramp, sir.
- Gee, I I - Please watch your step.
Uh, thanks.
[SCREECHING.]
That's okay, Gary.
We won't that judgmental man ruin a perfectly good Wednesday.
- How much further is it to Hamosaur? - I don't know.
I can't think.
I'm wearing two T-shirts.
So, Milo, what was the deal with the sneakers and the telephone wires? Laces and I just don't get along.
You just have to try, Milo.
The rabbit goes into his house.
It doesn't make any sense! - This doesn't make any sense! - I know! [ALL SCREAM.]
I hope your stay was satisfactory.
Good day to you, sir.
Gee, I I I'm sorry, I didn't [PARROT SCREECHING.]
Gary, we're better than that.
Leave the judgmental man alone as he rows off to his doom.
- I never meant any - Bottle of water? Thanks.
[PARROT SCREECHING.]
No, Gary, let the doomed man be.
[PARROT SCREECHING.]
Gary, rise above it.
[MUSIC.]
Uh, hello? [GRUNTS.]
Oh, sorry.
I I'm I'm looking for Well, I I'm looking for myself, actually.
Have you seen anyone who looks like me? MEN: [CHANTING.]
We-go! We-go! This was not in the brochure! ALL: [CHANTING.]
We-go! We-go! Help! ALL: Zoo-oh! I'm not even cold, really.
ALL: [CHANTING.]
We're going to the zoo! - I'm I'm - ALL: We're going to the zoo! ALL: And then we're gonna see some animals! Oh, oh! I get it! - PAST DAKOTA: Hi, hi, you guys.
- CROWD: Hello.
- Bienvenido.
- Welcome to the island of lost Dakotas! Forgive the initiation.
You know.
We get bored.
But we're not gonna cook you.
Aw, man [PHONE BEEPS.]
- Ah, my new shoes have shipped! - Well, that's a relief! - Hey, look! - Hamosaur 2! Uh-oh.
[MUSIC.]
[ALL SCREAM.]
Hey! Hey, you kids, get away from my trailer before you damage something back there! Hi, folks.
Welcome to the 5th street rededication ceremony.
We all remember the events of the runaway antique fire truck and the damage it caused here.
But as your mayor, I'm proud to say we're back! Businesses are open.
[RUMBLING.]
And Is there something behind me? Is it one of the Murphys? Murphys Yeah, yeah.
Out of control water truck? Giant boulder? No, no Oh, yeah! Giant dinosaur-like creature of some kind! Yeah, oh, th-that's nice, yeah, there it goes, yeah.
[SCREAMING.]
Yeah.
Go, get that mailbox.
Yeah.
I love being mayor here.
I love it.
I love it! [THUD, FEEDBACK.]
You know, this seems like a lot of shoe lace for just two sneakers.
There are no applicable physics for this! Look! Uh Ah-ha! Oh, would you look here, folks! Here it comes again! Oh, Murphy's got it moon-walking somehow.
Real nice, Murphy! You missed a lamp post.
No! I love being mayor here.
No! Come on! Did you guys know those plastic things on the ends of shoelaces are called aglets? DAKOTA LEADER: Yeah, we had you going.
Yeah, I was really worried.
Yeah.
Seemed like were, you know, you gonna Gonna eat me.
Us? No.
We would never.
I mean, Cannibal Dakota, he woulda eaten you.
- But we keep him on a tight leash.
- I cannot believe this.
H-How did you do this? All of this? Well, we keep busy.
We manufacture and export.
We got a factory that makes sodas and girdles.
We got a factory that makes shoes.
We couldn't get the aglets right so we just make slip-ons.
The latest order just went out when you came in.
Should be delivered right about now.
Hmm! Right on time! You know, this place is amazing! It is.
The only problem, besides Cannibal Dakota, Really-smelly Dakota and Birthday-suit Dakota - BIRTHDAY SUIT DAKOTA: It's my birthday! - Put on some pants! The only problem is that Cavendish can never know about this place, or us.
- Yeah, I know.
- Come on.
It's movie night.
We've tapped into closed circuit security cameras all over time and space, so we can keep an eye on us and Cavendish.
We record it and watch it later for fun.
Selfish? I'm selfish? But I Ugh.
But I saved you The last corndog.
- Here it is.
- Huh.
Well.
Thank you.
ALL: Aww! I'm just thinking, what did Cavendish do to deserve all this effort? He's Cavendish.
Whatya gonna do? Whatya gonna do? ALL: Whatya gonna do? CANNIBAL DAKOTA: I'm still hungry! DAKOTA: Back in your cage, Cannibal Dakota.
[MUSIC.]
We're all livin' in it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go MILO: Oh, thanks, everybody! That is so motivational.
Go, Milo Go, Milo, go Whoa I'm not sitting here watching the world turn You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go It's my world and we're all livin' in it
# Look at that sun Look at that sky # # Look at my sweater vest I look so fly # # Look at that mailbox Look at that tree # # It's about as beautiful as it can be # # Whoa # Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Whoa - # We're all livin' in it # - # Whoa # Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Oh, come on.
We had ye olde pizza last week! What? That was like 72 hours ago.
- It's not still in my stomach.
- I want a corn dog! - Do you know what a corn dog is? - Well, apparently it's ground pig meat shoved in a sheep's intestine dipped in corn batter and deep fried.
Well, I guess you do! DAKOTA: Get me one while you're Wait Wait, uh, look out! [PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
Aah! Argh [SIGHS.]
Here we go again.
Did you see that guy get crushed? Yeah, yeah, I'm workin' on it.
MAN: Look out, look out! [NARRATOR READING.]
Oh come on.
We had ye olde pizza last week! What? That was like 72 hours ago.
It's not still in my stomach.
[SHUSHING.]
Hey, Cavendish, could you go close the top? Oh, certainly.
- Really? - Yup.
A/C unit, right on the head.
Here, send me a postcard.
Yeah, thanks.
So anyway, what do you want to eat? - I want a corn dog! - I'm way ahead of you.
- Ta-da! - Excellent! When did you get these? When you weren't looking.
Gosh, how fortunate.
You could have been hurt.
Yeah, I coulda been hurt.
That's the take away here.
Hmm, all right, I guess it's my turn.
ZACK: Are you guys ready to go? Hamosaur 2 waits for no man! I'm two T-shirt excited! It'll be downtown today from 2:00 to 2:15 as part of its official Hamosaur 2 tour.
Since the original Hamosaur disappeared earlier this year - under mysterious circumstances.
- [CHUCKLES.]
No big mystery.
It chased me into the Colorado River.
[GROANS.]
ALL: Oh, no, Hamosaur! Hold up.
You saw the original Hamosaur? It's a long story.
- How long? - About eleven minutes.
Well, Hamosaur 2's gonna be even better.
As soon as we find my shoes, we're gone! - [BLOWS.]
These should do it.
- Uh, I - I can't really wear sneakers with laces.
- Wait, what? Why not? I I feel like I should know the answer to this and don't.
- Give.
- Okay, um Have either of you guys ever seen a pair of lace-up sneakers over a telephone wire or on the side of the road? Here, how about you explain on the way? - Don't want to be late! - Well, um, maybe.
I'm gonna order a new pair of shoes now in case mine really are lost.
- Same day delivery guaranteed! - Those are some fast shoes.
Not fast enough! Let's go! You see, I'm a time traveler, and my partner Cavendish died on the job.
So I went back in time and saved him.
But now that means there's two me's, two Dakotas in this time period and only one Cavendish, - and you can't do that.
- You can't do that? No way.
Big no-no.
So, I'm sending myself away to an island.
Yeah, not quite sure what I'm gonna find when I get there except for a bunch of me's.
This happens much more often than you'd think.
Me first! [EXCLAIMING AND LAUGHING.]
[GROANING.]
- Me first! - No no, this way.
Over here.
[SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[THUD.]
[SCREAMS.]
[NEIGHS.]
You must really care about him to make that kind of metaphysical sacrifice of your alternate time-line self He's Cavendish.
What are you gonna do? - Good luck on your island, Dakota! - Thanks, Francis, and don't worry about your grandson! - I'm sure it's just a phase! - Nah, he's a bad seed.
Uh, may I help you? Uh yeah, I think I'm supposed to travel on this ship? Uh, please may I take a look at your ticket? You've booked one-way passage to the unknown island shrouded in mystery.
Your room for the trip is on deck Y next to the cargo hold.
You may hear the sounds of caged, wild exotic animals, but your room comes with a complimentary - bottle of water and satellite TV.
- Um Who are you? - I'm the captain.
- Of this boat? Oh.
I see.
Is it my appearance? The shirt? Would you prefer I wore a rugged turtle neck? And that I wore a dirty old captain's hat? No I I Maybe a permanent 5 o'clock shadow of a beard - and a Russian accent? - No, I I didn't mean to A piece of wood for a leg? - No-no, I, uh - Would that satisfy you? - I just thought - Only some salty old sea dog is qualified to be captain of a ship like this? - No, I I didn't - Sir, I graduated top of my class at Naval Academy, and for 11 years I've lead this crew to the darkest parts of the ocean.
- But that's probably not enough for some people.
- I didn't mean to - I'm sorry.
I never meant any - We sail in an hour.
Right up the ramp, sir.
- Gee, I I - Please watch your step.
Uh, thanks.
[SCREECHING.]
That's okay, Gary.
We won't that judgmental man ruin a perfectly good Wednesday.
- How much further is it to Hamosaur? - I don't know.
I can't think.
I'm wearing two T-shirts.
So, Milo, what was the deal with the sneakers and the telephone wires? Laces and I just don't get along.
You just have to try, Milo.
The rabbit goes into his house.
It doesn't make any sense! - This doesn't make any sense! - I know! [ALL SCREAM.]
I hope your stay was satisfactory.
Good day to you, sir.
Gee, I I I'm sorry, I didn't [PARROT SCREECHING.]
Gary, we're better than that.
Leave the judgmental man alone as he rows off to his doom.
- I never meant any - Bottle of water? Thanks.
[PARROT SCREECHING.]
No, Gary, let the doomed man be.
[PARROT SCREECHING.]
Gary, rise above it.
[MUSIC.]
Uh, hello? [GRUNTS.]
Oh, sorry.
I I'm I'm looking for Well, I I'm looking for myself, actually.
Have you seen anyone who looks like me? MEN: [CHANTING.]
We-go! We-go! This was not in the brochure! ALL: [CHANTING.]
We-go! We-go! Help! ALL: Zoo-oh! I'm not even cold, really.
ALL: [CHANTING.]
We're going to the zoo! - I'm I'm - ALL: We're going to the zoo! ALL: And then we're gonna see some animals! Oh, oh! I get it! - PAST DAKOTA: Hi, hi, you guys.
- CROWD: Hello.
- Bienvenido.
- Welcome to the island of lost Dakotas! Forgive the initiation.
You know.
We get bored.
But we're not gonna cook you.
Aw, man [PHONE BEEPS.]
- Ah, my new shoes have shipped! - Well, that's a relief! - Hey, look! - Hamosaur 2! Uh-oh.
[MUSIC.]
[ALL SCREAM.]
Hey! Hey, you kids, get away from my trailer before you damage something back there! Hi, folks.
Welcome to the 5th street rededication ceremony.
We all remember the events of the runaway antique fire truck and the damage it caused here.
But as your mayor, I'm proud to say we're back! Businesses are open.
[RUMBLING.]
And Is there something behind me? Is it one of the Murphys? Murphys Yeah, yeah.
Out of control water truck? Giant boulder? No, no Oh, yeah! Giant dinosaur-like creature of some kind! Yeah, oh, th-that's nice, yeah, there it goes, yeah.
[SCREAMING.]
Yeah.
Go, get that mailbox.
Yeah.
I love being mayor here.
I love it.
I love it! [THUD, FEEDBACK.]
You know, this seems like a lot of shoe lace for just two sneakers.
There are no applicable physics for this! Look! Uh Ah-ha! Oh, would you look here, folks! Here it comes again! Oh, Murphy's got it moon-walking somehow.
Real nice, Murphy! You missed a lamp post.
No! I love being mayor here.
No! Come on! Did you guys know those plastic things on the ends of shoelaces are called aglets? DAKOTA LEADER: Yeah, we had you going.
Yeah, I was really worried.
Yeah.
Seemed like were, you know, you gonna Gonna eat me.
Us? No.
We would never.
I mean, Cannibal Dakota, he woulda eaten you.
- But we keep him on a tight leash.
- I cannot believe this.
H-How did you do this? All of this? Well, we keep busy.
We manufacture and export.
We got a factory that makes sodas and girdles.
We got a factory that makes shoes.
We couldn't get the aglets right so we just make slip-ons.
The latest order just went out when you came in.
Should be delivered right about now.
Hmm! Right on time! You know, this place is amazing! It is.
The only problem, besides Cannibal Dakota, Really-smelly Dakota and Birthday-suit Dakota - BIRTHDAY SUIT DAKOTA: It's my birthday! - Put on some pants! The only problem is that Cavendish can never know about this place, or us.
- Yeah, I know.
- Come on.
It's movie night.
We've tapped into closed circuit security cameras all over time and space, so we can keep an eye on us and Cavendish.
We record it and watch it later for fun.
Selfish? I'm selfish? But I Ugh.
But I saved you The last corndog.
- Here it is.
- Huh.
Well.
Thank you.
ALL: Aww! I'm just thinking, what did Cavendish do to deserve all this effort? He's Cavendish.
Whatya gonna do? Whatya gonna do? ALL: Whatya gonna do? CANNIBAL DAKOTA: I'm still hungry! DAKOTA: Back in your cage, Cannibal Dakota.
[MUSIC.]
We're all livin' in it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go MILO: Oh, thanks, everybody! That is so motivational.
Go, Milo Go, Milo, go Whoa I'm not sitting here watching the world turn You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go It's my world and we're all livin' in it