Steven Universe (2013) s01e32 Episode Script
Garnet's Universe
We are the Crystal Gems we'll always save the day and if you think we can't we'll always find a way - # that's why the people # - # of this world # - # believe in # - # Garnet # - # Amethyst # - # and Pearl # And Steven! 1x32 - "Fusion Cuisine" Doctor, it's my son.
There was an accident.
I - I know what we have to do.
Nurse! - Yes, doctor? Prep the patient for emergency surgery.
We're gonna go - under the knife.
- Ugh! This show is so good! Thank you so much for letting me watch "Under the knife" here, Steven.
- How come you can't watch the show at home? - My mom says this doesn't represent a real emergency room.
How did his legs get into his brain?! She just doesn't understand that it's satire.
- Is that your phone? - It's probably my mom.
Called it.
Hi, mother.
It's Connie.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, ma'am.
I'm at the home of Steven Universe.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, ma'am.
We're we're just hanging out.
Oh.
Steven's parents.
They're, uh they're in the other room.
You would like to talk to Steven's mom? Oh, okay.
Hold on a moment.
That's gonna be pretty hard since my mom gave up her physical form to make me.
I can't tell her that.
Garnet, quick you have to pretend - to be my mom to Connie's mom.
- Hello.
This is mom Universe.
Yes.
The children are playing swords.
Sorry playing with swords.
They're bleeding.
Oh, no.
They are dead.
Don't call again.
Sorry.
I panicked.
What do you mean, your mom won't let you come over? It's the midseason pre-finale of "Under the knife"! Steven, my parents are really upset.
They say the will not let me see you again until they meet - both of your parents in person.
- But that's impossible! I know, but they want both of our families to go out - together for dinner.
- It sounds so adult.
I wonder if Fish Stew pizza will take reservations for - Pearl, Garnet, dad, Amethyst all eight of us.
- You can't bring everybody! - Why not? - Because because I told my parents - you have a nuclear family.
- Nuclear?! Sure, they make stuff blow up sometimes, but that's because they're magic, not radioactive! Steven, "nuclear" means two adults and their child and/or children.
My parents think you live with - your mother and father.
- But none of that is true.
You never told your mom and dad about the Crystal Gems? No, and it has to stay that way.
If they find out I lied to them, they'll never let me hang out with you again.
How am I supposed to choose just one of you to bring to dinner? - You're all so cool! - Why does it have to be dinner? We get all the energy we need from our gems, and while our human constructs are capable of eating, - I find it very uncomfortable.
- I love eating! Feels weird.
Okay, okay, okay.
Let's focus.
Which of you would make the best and most nuclear mom? Garnet, you keep us safe by scaring off the bad guys, just like a mom would.
But you're not the best conversationalist.
Amethyst, you would be a superfun mom! - Can moms be gross? - Why not? Pearl! You're always worried about me, you teach me lots of stuff, you're approachable, and you're, - like, totally not gross.
- Uh But you can't eat dinner.
Man, why did Connie have to say I have one - mother instead of zero or three? - We'll figure this thing out.
We just have to put our heads together.
Why didn't I think of this before? It's so obvious! You can all come to dinner - all three of you, fused into one! - What?! - Whoa! - What? Steven, you know we only fuse in deadly situations! It'd be like like I'm actually bringing my whole family! - That's insane.
- Fusion is serious magic, - not a trick for dinner parties.
- I know.
Then I guess this is it.
I'll never get to see Connie again.
Oh, Connie! I'll never know a star that shines as bright as you.
We have no choice.
We've been waiting for nearly - Uh oh.
- Hi, Connie! Hi, Mr.
and Mrs.
Maheswaran! - Thanks honeybuns.
- You're welcome Greg.
I'm Greg Universe.
And this massive drink of water is my wife, Alexandrite.
Hi-i-i-i-i-i.
I hope this place has unlimited breadsticks.
Don't be rude.
Bleh.
Isn't my wife a riot? So, tell me how did you two meet? - Huh? How did we meet? Well, we, um - They met on a roller coaster! - She was too tall to ride! - Uh I remember it like it was yesterday.
Right, honey? - Eh sorry.
- Have some more breadsticks dear.
What is it that you two do for a living, Mr.
and Mrs.
Universe? Well, you see, I own a local car wash, and my sweet, dear wife here My mom works on an apple farm! - What did we say about heads on the table? - She uses all her arms to pick apples out of huge trees.
Well, you know what they say an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
- Yes.
I hate doctors.
- Well, I'm a doctor.
Steven, help me find the restroom! Things are going pretty good so far, huh? Steven, are you kidding me?! What is this thing that you brought to dinner?! It it's my family.
It's all the gems fused together into a six-armed, giant woman.
- Why couldn't you just bring one of the gems? - 'Cause that would - be a lie.
Your glasses.
- What about them? I healed your eyes.
You don't even need to wear those anymore.
- What are you talking about? - All that stuff you told your parents - about my family you're just ashamed of me! - Oh, whatever, Steven.
Let's just focus on getting through the evening.
So, Steven was telling me that on his mom's apple farm, they're bioengineering a gala-fuji hybrid.
- Definitely true.
- Isn't that right, Mrs.
Universe? Ugh! What are you doing? - I'm hungry! - I don't think so.
Cut it out, you two.
Stop! You don't have to eat it! Steven! Ohh.
Thank you so much.
You don't know how horrified it was when that dreck nearly fell into our mouths.
Eating food is so disgusting! You chew it into nasty mush, swallow that goop, and it comes out of you? What a completely horrid experience! Uh, speak for yourself.
Ha! I love it when mush - passes through my body.
- It doesn't matter what you two think.
We're doing this for Steven! What is going on here? - Who are they?! - I knew I should have trusted my bad feelings about this new friend of yours, but I never thought I wouldn't be able to trust my own daughter.
Connie! Connie.
Steven, I'm so sorry.
It's not that I'm ashamed of you.
I was so worried that my parents would think all this magic stuff is weird.
What if they don't let me hang out with you anymore? I-I'm sorry I messed everything up.
I wish there was a way we could just hang out without - having to worry about stuff.
- Steven, let's just hop on a bus - and live somewhere else without telling anyone! - That's a great idea! - Where's this bus taking us? - Wherever we end up.
We'll find a way to survive.
I've been reading about sustainable living.
- Maybe it'll take us to a real apple farm! - What's up with you - and apples today? - Huh? Steve-e-e-n! You two, come out of that bus, this instant! Okay! J-just put the bus down first.
I don't even know where to begin - with you, young la - What were you thinking, running off with Connie like that? You could have gotten - yourselves hurt! - Or gotten mangled in traffic.
- Or thrown in prison.
- Steven, you are in very big trouble, - and we have no choice but to punish you.
- But - No dinner for 1,000 years.
- 1,000? We would never starve you, but you will lose your TV privileges for 1,000 years.
No! The midseason pre-finale of "Under the knife"! How can you do this to me?! Because we love you, Steven.
Wow.
That was a masterful use of the "because we love you" shutdown.
I'm quite partial to the "it's for your own good" myself.
That "1,000 years of no dinner" bit was pretty funny.
All comedy is derived from fear.
- You are too much.
- I did not know what to make of the two of excuse me four of you, but I see that you are responsible parents uh, caregivers? Guardians.
So, I can still hang out with Steven? - Sure.
- All right! Uh
There was an accident.
I - I know what we have to do.
Nurse! - Yes, doctor? Prep the patient for emergency surgery.
We're gonna go - under the knife.
- Ugh! This show is so good! Thank you so much for letting me watch "Under the knife" here, Steven.
- How come you can't watch the show at home? - My mom says this doesn't represent a real emergency room.
How did his legs get into his brain?! She just doesn't understand that it's satire.
- Is that your phone? - It's probably my mom.
Called it.
Hi, mother.
It's Connie.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, ma'am.
I'm at the home of Steven Universe.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, ma'am.
We're we're just hanging out.
Oh.
Steven's parents.
They're, uh they're in the other room.
You would like to talk to Steven's mom? Oh, okay.
Hold on a moment.
That's gonna be pretty hard since my mom gave up her physical form to make me.
I can't tell her that.
Garnet, quick you have to pretend - to be my mom to Connie's mom.
- Hello.
This is mom Universe.
Yes.
The children are playing swords.
Sorry playing with swords.
They're bleeding.
Oh, no.
They are dead.
Don't call again.
Sorry.
I panicked.
What do you mean, your mom won't let you come over? It's the midseason pre-finale of "Under the knife"! Steven, my parents are really upset.
They say the will not let me see you again until they meet - both of your parents in person.
- But that's impossible! I know, but they want both of our families to go out - together for dinner.
- It sounds so adult.
I wonder if Fish Stew pizza will take reservations for - Pearl, Garnet, dad, Amethyst all eight of us.
- You can't bring everybody! - Why not? - Because because I told my parents - you have a nuclear family.
- Nuclear?! Sure, they make stuff blow up sometimes, but that's because they're magic, not radioactive! Steven, "nuclear" means two adults and their child and/or children.
My parents think you live with - your mother and father.
- But none of that is true.
You never told your mom and dad about the Crystal Gems? No, and it has to stay that way.
If they find out I lied to them, they'll never let me hang out with you again.
How am I supposed to choose just one of you to bring to dinner? - You're all so cool! - Why does it have to be dinner? We get all the energy we need from our gems, and while our human constructs are capable of eating, - I find it very uncomfortable.
- I love eating! Feels weird.
Okay, okay, okay.
Let's focus.
Which of you would make the best and most nuclear mom? Garnet, you keep us safe by scaring off the bad guys, just like a mom would.
But you're not the best conversationalist.
Amethyst, you would be a superfun mom! - Can moms be gross? - Why not? Pearl! You're always worried about me, you teach me lots of stuff, you're approachable, and you're, - like, totally not gross.
- Uh But you can't eat dinner.
Man, why did Connie have to say I have one - mother instead of zero or three? - We'll figure this thing out.
We just have to put our heads together.
Why didn't I think of this before? It's so obvious! You can all come to dinner - all three of you, fused into one! - What?! - Whoa! - What? Steven, you know we only fuse in deadly situations! It'd be like like I'm actually bringing my whole family! - That's insane.
- Fusion is serious magic, - not a trick for dinner parties.
- I know.
Then I guess this is it.
I'll never get to see Connie again.
Oh, Connie! I'll never know a star that shines as bright as you.
We have no choice.
We've been waiting for nearly - Uh oh.
- Hi, Connie! Hi, Mr.
and Mrs.
Maheswaran! - Thanks honeybuns.
- You're welcome Greg.
I'm Greg Universe.
And this massive drink of water is my wife, Alexandrite.
Hi-i-i-i-i-i.
I hope this place has unlimited breadsticks.
Don't be rude.
Bleh.
Isn't my wife a riot? So, tell me how did you two meet? - Huh? How did we meet? Well, we, um - They met on a roller coaster! - She was too tall to ride! - Uh I remember it like it was yesterday.
Right, honey? - Eh sorry.
- Have some more breadsticks dear.
What is it that you two do for a living, Mr.
and Mrs.
Universe? Well, you see, I own a local car wash, and my sweet, dear wife here My mom works on an apple farm! - What did we say about heads on the table? - She uses all her arms to pick apples out of huge trees.
Well, you know what they say an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
- Yes.
I hate doctors.
- Well, I'm a doctor.
Steven, help me find the restroom! Things are going pretty good so far, huh? Steven, are you kidding me?! What is this thing that you brought to dinner?! It it's my family.
It's all the gems fused together into a six-armed, giant woman.
- Why couldn't you just bring one of the gems? - 'Cause that would - be a lie.
Your glasses.
- What about them? I healed your eyes.
You don't even need to wear those anymore.
- What are you talking about? - All that stuff you told your parents - about my family you're just ashamed of me! - Oh, whatever, Steven.
Let's just focus on getting through the evening.
So, Steven was telling me that on his mom's apple farm, they're bioengineering a gala-fuji hybrid.
- Definitely true.
- Isn't that right, Mrs.
Universe? Ugh! What are you doing? - I'm hungry! - I don't think so.
Cut it out, you two.
Stop! You don't have to eat it! Steven! Ohh.
Thank you so much.
You don't know how horrified it was when that dreck nearly fell into our mouths.
Eating food is so disgusting! You chew it into nasty mush, swallow that goop, and it comes out of you? What a completely horrid experience! Uh, speak for yourself.
Ha! I love it when mush - passes through my body.
- It doesn't matter what you two think.
We're doing this for Steven! What is going on here? - Who are they?! - I knew I should have trusted my bad feelings about this new friend of yours, but I never thought I wouldn't be able to trust my own daughter.
Connie! Connie.
Steven, I'm so sorry.
It's not that I'm ashamed of you.
I was so worried that my parents would think all this magic stuff is weird.
What if they don't let me hang out with you anymore? I-I'm sorry I messed everything up.
I wish there was a way we could just hang out without - having to worry about stuff.
- Steven, let's just hop on a bus - and live somewhere else without telling anyone! - That's a great idea! - Where's this bus taking us? - Wherever we end up.
We'll find a way to survive.
I've been reading about sustainable living.
- Maybe it'll take us to a real apple farm! - What's up with you - and apples today? - Huh? Steve-e-e-n! You two, come out of that bus, this instant! Okay! J-just put the bus down first.
I don't even know where to begin - with you, young la - What were you thinking, running off with Connie like that? You could have gotten - yourselves hurt! - Or gotten mangled in traffic.
- Or thrown in prison.
- Steven, you are in very big trouble, - and we have no choice but to punish you.
- But - No dinner for 1,000 years.
- 1,000? We would never starve you, but you will lose your TV privileges for 1,000 years.
No! The midseason pre-finale of "Under the knife"! How can you do this to me?! Because we love you, Steven.
Wow.
That was a masterful use of the "because we love you" shutdown.
I'm quite partial to the "it's for your own good" myself.
That "1,000 years of no dinner" bit was pretty funny.
All comedy is derived from fear.
- You are too much.
- I did not know what to make of the two of excuse me four of you, but I see that you are responsible parents uh, caregivers? Guardians.
So, I can still hang out with Steven? - Sure.
- All right! Uh