Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e33 Episode Script

HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THERE'S A RACE TO BE ON TOP
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING, DEBONAIR
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE DUMP HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
YOU'LL FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- HEATHCLIFF! FORK OVER
THOSE SAUSAGES!
- HEE HEE HEE!
HOO HOO HOO!
- COME BACK HERE,
YOU SAUSAGE-SWIPING SWINDLER!
- HEE HEE HEE!
HOO HOO HOO!
- [ECHOING]
WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!
HEATHCLIFF!
- SOME PEOPLE
CAN'T TAKE A JOKE.
- GRRRROWR!
- I'M GOING TO THE JUNKYARD
FOR A LITTLE PEACE AND QUIET.
AAH!
- WOW!
- HEE HEE HEE!
HOO HOO HOO!
THIS IS WHERE
YOU GET OFF!
- YOW!
SPIKE!
- YIKES!
- TO GET ALONG,
LITTLE DOGGY ♪
GET ALONG,
LITTLE DOGGY ♪
- AHA, HEATHCLIFF!
YOU'RE CORNERED
AT LAST!
- MUSH!
- OOH!
- COME BACK HERE!
- AAH!
- HEATHCLIFF?!
- NOW I'VE GOTCHA!
QUICK!
HE'S GETTING AWAY!
- WITH HALF
MY STORE!
STOP THAT CAT!
- WHEW!
THE LAST CASE OF--
MY MILK!
- HEE HEE HEE!
HOO HOO HOO!
TURN LEFT AT THE MARKET,
O TRUSTY STEED!
[PEOPLE SCREAMING AND SHOUTING]
- WHOA, WHOA!
[CRACK]
- YAAH!
[MEN SHOUTING]
- HEYWHO PARKED
A BUS ON MY FACE?
- WE'VE HAD AN ACCIDENT,
YOU VILE FIEND.
AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
- MY FAULT?
- FOR MAKING HEATHCLIFF
STEAL THOSE SAUSAGES.
- LET ME GO,
YOU FLYING FEATHER DUSTER.
- SORRY, BUT YOU'VE CAUSED
ENOUGH TROUBLE ALREADY.
I'M TAKING CONTROL
OF HEATHCLIFF.
HE'S GOING TO BE AS GOOD
AS GOLD FROM NOW ON.
- STOP!
YOU CAN'T DO THIS!
- WATCH ME.
- AAH
BEST CATNAP
I'VE HAD IN YEARS.
- I'D BETTER FIND
MUGSY'S SKATEBOARD
BEFORE HEATHCLIFF
FINDS ME!
- DON'T BE IN
SUCH A RUSH, PAL.
WHY, YOU'RE THE BEST FRIEND
THIS CAT'S EVER HAD.
- HA HA HA HA!
- MAYBE I HAVEN'
SAID IT OFTEN ENOUGH.
- HA HA HA!
WELL, DON'T WORRY,
H-HEATHCLIFF.
IT--IT'S THE THOUGH
THAT COUNTS.
WELL, I REALLY
MUST BE GOING. BYE.
- THE ONLY PLACE
YOU'RE GOING, PAL,
IS OVER TO MY HOUSE
FOR THE BEST STEAK
DINNER I EVER MADE.
- STEAK? HMM
I AMKIND
OF HUNGRY.
- SPIKE, OLD BUDDY,
I'M GOING TO SEE YOU
GET TREATED LIKE A KING
AFTER I RETURN
ALL THE GOODIES I STOLE.
- HUH?!
- WHY
THANK YOU, HEATHCLIFF.
WHAT LOVELY FLOWERS!
- HUH. WHOSE YARD DID
HE STEAL THEM FROM?
- GRANDPA!
REALLY!
- THOUGHT YOU COULD USE
A NEW BACK DOOR.
- VERY NICE,
HEATHCLIFF.
- ALL THIS GOODY-GOODY JUNK
IS TOO SICKENING FOR WORDS.
- THEN STOP
TALKING.
COME ALONG,
HEATHCLIFF.
LET'S GO HELP
OUR FRIEND SPIKE.
- YOU COOK A GREAT STEAK,
HEATHCLIFF.
- IT WAS NOTHING, PAL.
HERE'S MY FAVORITE
CATNAP CUSHION.
ARE YOU COMFY?
- AAH
IT ISA BIT WARM
AND I AM
A BIT THIRSTY.
SOME MILK
WOULD BE NICE.
- SAY NO MORE, PAL.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
- HEE HEE HEE HEE!
- OH, NO!
IT'S HEATHCLIFF!
I'D RATHER
FACE A TORNADO!
OOF!
NO, OH, OH!
YOW!
S-S-STEADY,
HEATHCLIFF.
STOP RIGHT THERE!
WHOA!
I CAN'T BELIEVE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING
OR WHAT I'M DOING!
- HEY, BOYS,
IT'S HEATHCLIFF.
- DUHAND HE'S GO
MILK, HECTOR.
- BUT NOT FOR LONG.
HOW ABOUT LETTING US
HAVE SOME MILK, HEATHCLIFF?
- [WHISPERING]
- DON'T YOU THINK
IT'S NAUGHTY TO FIGHT?
- [SCREECHING, HISSING]
- UH
- OHH
- I MUST BE DREAMING.
- LET'S BE RUDE
AND FOLLOW THE DUDE.
- IT'S ABOUT TIME
YOU GOT BACK!
- I BROUGH
FRESH MILK, PAL.
- WHAT?!
NO STRAW?!
- UH-OHCOMING
RIGHT UP, SPIKE!
- YEP, I'M SURE
I'M DREAMING.
- WHAT'S YOUR
SECRET, SPIKE?
- CHARISMA, BOYS
PURE CHARISMA.
HEATHCLIFF CAN'T HELP
BUT DO EVERYTHING I SAY.
- WOW! AMAZING!
- IT'S A MIRACLE!
- SEE THAT BIG BAKERY SIGN
OVER THERE?
- THE ONE
WITH THE SPINNING PIE?
- TELL THE NEIGHBORHOOD GANG
TO MEET ME UNDER
THAT SIGN TONIGHT.
I'LL HAVE OL' HEATHCLIFF HERE
PUT ON A LITTLE SHOW FOR YOU.
[SPIKE LAUGHING]
TAKE YOUR SEATS!
THE SHOW'S
ABOUT TO BEGIN!
THANKS FOR THE BISCUIT.
HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING
FOR THE SHOW.
- UH,
ROTTEN TOMATOES?
- THROW THEM AT HEATHCLIFF
DURING THE SHOW.
HE WON'T MIND.
- WE GOT TO SIT IN
THE FRONT ROW FOR THIS!
- HURRY UP, SONYA.
I'VE SAVED THE BEST SEA
IN THE HOUSE FOR YOU.
- ANYWHERE I CAN'
SEE YOU WILL BE FINE.
- HURRAY! HURRAY!
YAY! YAY!
- BRING HIM ON!
- YEAH! ON!
ALL RIGHT!
- AND NOW, FOR THE STAR
OF OUR SHOW
HELPFUL HEATHCLIFF!
[ALL GASP]
- OHH
- GLAD TO SEE YOU ALL
AT MY PAL'S SHOW.
- LET'S HEAR I
FOR FRIENDSHIP ♪
WE'RE COMRADES,
BUDDIES, AND PALS ♪
HE'LL COME TO THE RESCUE
WHEN I'M FEELING BLUE ♪
SO NO ONE
WILL BLOW US IN TWO ♪
WE BEEN THROUGH THE MUD
- [LAUGHTER]
- THIS CAT'S NO SQUIRTO
BUT HE LOVES TOMATOES
- HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
- WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
- HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
- HEY! LET'S THROW
THAT GIANT PIE AT HIM.
- OH, GOODY!
- YEAH! LET'S
DO IT TO IT.
[CATS GRUNT]
- EASY DOES IT!
UGHCAREFUL!
- YOW--
- HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
- FREE AT LAST.
- WHERE'S HEATHCLIFF?
HE CAN'T BE GOOD
WITHOUT ME.
- SO LONG, TURKEY!
YEE-HA! I'M BACK
IN THE SADDLE AGAIN!
- WHO DID THIS TO ME?
- HA HA HA! THIS
IS TOO MUCH!
HA HA! ORDER HIM
TO DO SOMETHING
ELSE, SPIKE.
- JUST TAKE
A NUMBER, GUYS.
THIS CLOWN WILL PERFORM
FOR ANYBODY!
- DID YOUCALL ME
A CLOWN?
- YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
HA HA. H-HOPE I WASN'
OUT OF LINE
[GULP]
BUDDY.
[SCREECHING, BARKING]
- [CHATTERING]
- YEEAAH!
- YAAH!
[SCREECHING, BARKING]
- TA-DA!
FULL SPEED AHEAD!
WELCOME ABOARD HEATHCLIFF'S
MIDNIGHT KITTY CRUISE.
- OH
OH, HEATHCLIFF.
- SHOVE OFF, MEN!
- LIKE I ALWAYS SAY,
YOU CAN'T KEEP A BAD CAT DOWN.
HEE HEE HEE!
HEE HEE HEE!
HOO HOO HOO!
- OH, NO!
- I DON'T GET IT,
CLEO.
YOU KEEP DROOLING OVER
A FLOWER PICTURE,
WHEN I CAN GIVE YOU
THE REAL THING.
- AHAHCHOO!
- YOU ALWAYS HAND ME
WEEDS,
BUT RENFIELD
PAINTS ME PICTURES.
- RENFIELD AGAIN?
JUST BECAUSE THAT STUPID
CAT THROWS PAINT BLOBS
ON A SCRAP OF PAPER,
YOU THINK HE'S SOME
HOTSHOT ARTIST!
- RENFIELD KNOWS
ALL ABOUT PAINTING,
DANCE, MUSIC,
POETRY
- I KNOW POETRY, TOO.
[WHISTLES]
WORDSWORTH, TELL CLEO
SOME OF THE POETRY I KNOW.
- "THERE WAS AN OLD CA
FROM DES MOINES
WHO PUT FLEAS
IN HIS SISTER'S"--WHOA!
- THAT WASN'T QUITE
WHAT I HAD IN MIND.
[CRASH]
- RENFIELD! WELL--
- HEY, RIFF-RAFF,
HOW COME WE'RE
LUGGING AROUND
THIS HUNK OF JUNK?
- THIS HAPPENS TO BE
A STATUE OF CLEO THAT I MADE.
- DUHWAS SHE IN
AN ACCIDENT, BOSS?
- NO, STUPID,
IT'S TO SHOW HER
I GOT CLASS.
- YIKES!
- YIKES!
- YIKES!
- YOW!
[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]
[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]
[KABOOM]
- MY STATUE!
IT'S RUINED!
- [FRENCH ACCENT]
IT WAS TRES BLASE,
ANYWAY, DEAR BOY.
- HUH?
- HE MEANS IT STUNK.
- ALLOW ME TO
INTRODUCE MYSELF.
I AM RENFIELD.
SORRY, HA HA HA.
I JUST REMEMBERED
I DON'T SHAKE
WITH PEASANTS.
- TOO BAD, BECAUSE
A GOOD SHAKE IS
JUST WHAT YOU NEED.
- STOP THAT, YOU
UNCULTURED SWINE!
HEY, NO!
YICK! HOW GARISH!
IF YOU REALLY MUS
PROVE YOUR BRAVERY,
I KNOW A MORE
CIVILIZED WAY.
- OHYOU DO?
- SEE IF YOU CAN WIN
DAINTY CLEO'S HAND
WITH BRAIN, NOT BRAWN.
I DARE YOU TO TES
YOUR WITS BY SPENDING
THE NIGHT AT FARTHING HALL.
- FARTHING HALL?!
- TH-THAT PLACE
IS HAUNTED.
- AND IT'S GO
GHOSTS, TOO!
- GOOD-BYE!
- GOOD-BYE!
- GOOD-BYE!
- I'LL UNDERSTAND IF
YOU'RE CHICKEN, RIFF-RAFF.
BUT WILL CLEO?
- CLEO WON'T CARE,
WILL YOU, HONEY? HMM!
ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO.
THEN YOU'LL SEE
HOW BRAVE I REALLY AM.
[GULP]
- FARTHING HALL AT NIGH
SURE GIVES ME
A FRIGHT.
- UHARE YOU REALLY
GOING TO GO THERE, BOSS?
- SURE WE ARE.
- WE?
- YUP. AND I WAN
THOSE GHOSTS
TO KNOW WE'RE COMING,
SO GET TO WORK AND MAKE ME SOME
GOOD PHANTOM-FIGHTING GEAR.
[VACUUM STARTS]
- UH, PHANTOM FIGHTERS
ARE READY, RIFF-RAFF.
- GOOD. I WAS
GETTING TIRED.
NOW, LET'S GET A MOVE ON
TO FARTHING HALL.
[SQUEAKING]
[SQUEAKING]
- S-S-SURE--
SURE IS DARK IN THERE.
- YOU'LL FEEL BETTER
ONCE I LIGHT A FIRE.
[CLATTER, THUD]
- DUHSAVE ME!
- OH!
- OH!
WH-WH-WHA
WAS THAT?
- QUICK, EVERYBODY.
JOIN HANDS.
I'VE GOT HECTOR'S HAND.
- I'M HOLDING ON
TO WORDSWORTH.
- UNLESS I'M
WRONG-O, I'VE GOT MONGO.
- DUHTHEN WHO'S
HOLDING MY OTHER HAND?
- AAH!
- AAH!
- HEY, MONGO'S GONE!
- AND SO ARE WE!
- WE'RE NOT LEAVING
WITHOUT MONGO.
COME ON, BOYS.
WE'LL LOOK
UP HERE FIRST.
[HECTOR WHISTLES]
- GET A LOAD OF
THIS POSH PAD.
- [MUFFLED]
MONGO'S NOT IN HERE.
- BABY, I'LL DANCE
A COUNTRY MILE ♪
SO I CAN SEE
YOUR LITTLE SMILE ♪
- RROWR!
- AAH!
- RROWR!
- L-LET ME
OUT OF HERE!
- AAH!
- AAH!
- AAH!
- WOO!
- GET AWAY FROM ME,
YOU OVERGROWN MOSQUITO!
OH, NO!
- ABANDON SHIP!
- YOW!
- YOW!
- YOW!
- HA HA HA HA!
- AAH!
- AAH!
- AAH!
- THIS WAY, BOYS!
- DUH
IT'S THE GUYS!
[GRUNTS]
[SNAP]
DUHHERE I AM,
FELLAS!
- RUN!
IT'S A GHOST!
- AAH!
- AAH! A GHOST!
WAIT FOR ME!
- MAN YOUR PHANTOM FIGHTERS.
[VACUUM STARTS]
[CLUNK, CLUNK]
[KABOOM]
- YAAH!
- COME BACK,
SWEETIE!
OVER HERE, HANDSOME!
- OUCH! BATS AHEAD!
BATS AHEAD!
[SQUEAKING]
- WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
AAH! WHOA.
[SQUEAKING]
- DUHWAIT FOR ME,
FELLAS!
- AAH! A SWAMP BEAST!
- MONGO?!
- WE SURE SCARED OFF
THAT SWAMP BEAST, HUH?
- I'M FIT TO SPLIT.
- YEAH!
- LET'S SPLIT!
- I'M SCARED!
- SCAREDY-CAT,
SCAREDY-CAT
- NO! WE'RE STAYING
TILL WE STOP
THOSE GHOSTS!
THAT BEAR'S STUFFED!
LET'S CHECK THIS OUT
- NORMAN, OLD BEAN,
DISGUISING YOURSELF AS
A DEMON WAS A STROKE OF GENIUS.
- [TRANSYLVANIAN ACCENT]
YES, WORMWOOD.
THOSE SILLY CATS WILL
NEVER GUESS WE WERE ACTING.
- IT'S SO THEATRICAL!
BUT THE FAT CAT WASCUTE
- REALLY, WE'RE HERE
TO PERFECT OUR FILM
ACTING, NOT CHASE FANS.
- THE FAT CAT ISN'
AS CUTE AS ME--IS HE?
- CHARGE!
- YIKES!
- YIKES!
- YIKES!
- WOULD YOU LIKE
MY AUTOGRAPH?
- NO, BAT BREATH!
JUST SOME ANSWERS.
- WE'RE HORROR
FILM STARS.
WE NEVER DREAMED
WE'D GET TO FRIGHTEN
SUCH A GREAT BUNCH
OF SCAREDY-CATS.
- BUT WE DIDAHEM.
TERRIBLY SORRY
FOR THE TROUBLE
WE'VE CAUSED.
- WE'LL DO
ANYTHING TO MAKE IT UP.
- CAN YOU PERFORM THAT HORROR
JUNK ANYWHERE--SAY, FOR ME?
- NO PROBLEM!
WE'RE ALL VERY TALENTED,
ESPECIALLY MOI.
- GOOD, THEN HERE'S
THE PLAN
HECTOR, YOU TELL CLEO YOU'RE
THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD
[TRAILS OFF]
[FOOTSTEPS RUNNING]
- CLEO
I'VE GOT TERRIBLE NEWS.
- WHAT IS IT?
- I WAS THE ONLY ONE
WHO ESCAPED FROM
FARTHING HALL.
- OH, NO!
- I PUT UP
A GOOD FIGHT.
RIFF'S LAST WORDS
WERE, "HECTOR,
YOU'RE THE BRAVEST,
HANDSOMEST CA
THAT EVER"--
- LAST WORDS?!
YOU MEAN RIFF'S--
RIFF-RAFF'S
[SOBBING]
- DON'T CRY
OVER THAT SLOB, CLEO.
EASY COME,
EASY GO.
COME WITH ME, MY LITTLE
GODDESS OF RAPTURE.
I'LL MAKE YOU
FORGET
- BUT I WAN
RIFF-RAFF!
- HA HA HA HA!
HEH HEH HEH!
YOU'RE MINE AT LAST.
- [SOBBING]
- IT'S USELESS TO RESIS
THE POWER OF MY CHARM.
- OH, RENFIELD,
MELLOW OUT.
- YOO-HOO! RUST BUCKET
[SQUEAKING]
- AAH!
[GRUNTING]
- RIFF-RAFF IS HEAVIER
THAN I THOUGHT.
- REEL HIM BACK, JACK,
FOR HIS FINAL ATTACK.
[CREAKING]
- QUIT SLEEPING
ON THE JOB, GUYS.
WORDSWORTH,
YOU AND MONGO
GET READY FOR
THE BIG FINALE.
KISS ME, QUICK!
- AAH!
- WHOA!
- DUHUH
BOO! UHBOO.
- MONGO'S TOO FAT.
- COME ON,
EVERYBODY, PULL!
- WEE!
DUHUH-OH
- BOO! HISS! BOO!
- [NO ACCENT]
SO LONG, TOOTS!
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN!
- DUH
LOOK AT HIM GO, BOSS!
- DON'T CRY, CLEO.
ME AND THE BOYS
AREN'T THROUGH YET.
- YOU'RE NOT?
- NO. A CA
HAS 9 LIVES
AND WE ONLY USED UP
ONE OF THEM.
NOW, DON'T PEEK.
BACK, MONGO!
- NO, STOP!
- MONGO, YOU DRIP!
SURPRISE!
- OH, RIFF-RAFF!
YOU'RE ALIVE!
- DO YOU THINK RIFF-RAFF
WOULD LIKE TO JOIN US
FOR AN AFTER-PERFORMANCE
CELEBRATION?
- UH, SORRY, BUT THE BOSS
HAS SOME CELEBRATING
PLANS OF HIS OWN.
- [LAUGHTER]
- INDOOR CATS DON'T HAVE
ALL THE THINGS TO PLAY WITH
THAT THE OUTDOOR CAT HAS.
HERE'S A GOOD TIP
TO KEEP HIM OR HER HAPPY.
FIRST, YOU GET SOME NEAT TOYS
FOR YOUR INDOOR CA
TO PLAY WITH.
STAND STILL,
YOU LITTLE TURKEY.
GOTCHA!
YEOW!
CHANGE YOUR CAT'S TOYS
ONCE IN A WHILE
'CAUSE THEY GET BORED REAL EASY
WITH THE SAME OLD TOY.
OH, BOY, AM I BORED.
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE DUMP HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU