Justice League Action (2016) s01e33 Episode Script
Best Day Ever
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) GUARD: We appreciate the nightly check in, Flash.
Yeah, just making sure everyone's behaving themselves.
It's dead silent around here.
Hey, look! It's the fastest man alive! And his pal The Flash.
(LAUGHS) Selfie.
Joker! How? Lock down, now! No one gets in or out until I find him.
LEX: You don't have to keep pointing that weapon at me, Karen.
The warden says I do, Mr.
Luthor.
Building a bomb of ultimate destruction isn't the same as using a bomb of ultimate destruction.
You know, it's more of a hobby really.
Hands where I can see them, Mr.
Luthor.
Hi, there.
Glad to see you.
- (BLOWS WHISTLE) - (COUGHS) (THUDS) Lexi, baby funky boo! Joker.
How random? Kiss me! No.
(LAUGHS) Same old Lex! Come on, let's get going.
Uh Prison? Oh.
Right.
A Mother Box! Where did you A little present from my dear old friend, Desaad.
What those new gods will think of next? Stop! Sayonara, slowpoke! Uh Your gadget seems a little off.
It may not be one of the big boom tube models but it gets a fellow where he wants to go.
When I heard you'd been locked up for some trivial infraction Creating the bomb of ultimate destruction.
Bingo! I decided I must break you out and treat you to the best day ever! Why? We've only been tenuous allies before, at best.
What do you really want, Joker? Want? Me? What? No, no, no, I like you, Lex.
Honest.
And sometimes I worry you're not happy.
And I worry you're completely off your meds.
Goodbye.
Now, I've made a list of fun things to do.
First, the beach.
Look, it's almost paradise.
Oh, Lex, I wouldn't go there.
Stay where you are.
Luthor? Great Hera, Joker too? (GROANS) LEX: Paradise Island.
Perfect spot for a lunatic's luau.
I'm obeying the rules, WW.
No boy footsies on the island.
(CHUCKLES) Lex, I warned you.
You're both under arrest.
That's Princess Killjoy for you.
We'll take our fun elsewhere.
(COUGHS) (GRUNTS) Joker, where are we? Quick, what are the two sweetest words in English language? Destroy Superman.
Well yes, they are on the list.
But actually, I was thinking Log flume! (JOKER LAUGHS MANIACALLY) SUPERMAN: Yeah, it's them, all right.
The weird part is, they're not doing anything wrong.
They just seem to be hanging out.
First, Joker broke Luthor out of prison.
That's as wrong as it gets.
Second, they're criminals, they don't hang out.
Well, we're hanging out.
We're working.
We could hang out sometime, we talked about going bowling.
To Batman's point, Joker's antics are never as innocent as they seem.
So, Joker wants something and Luthor's got it.
But what? Right now, we're as clueless as Luthor.
Though I'm pretty sure of where they're headed next.
(BEEPING) FLASH: North Pole? Oh, no.
Now, that's just wrong.
Looks like they were chased off.
Thanks to my security system.
(WHISTLES) (PANTING) Good boy.
Should we be worried about what might be happening in the watch tower now? I left a precaution of my own.
Well done.
You guys and your dogs.
It's kind of adorable.
I've alerted the entire league.
No matter where Luthor and Joker appear.
One of our operatives will be close by.
(GASPS) (JOKER CACKLING) Beep, beep! (TIRES SCREECHING) Hmm.
Ah! Ugh! (SHATTERING) JOKER: Ooh! I love this place! Yes, you do.
MAN: Welcome to Big Belly Burger.
May I take your order please? Give me two belly busters, heavy all, tres belly tacos, mas jalapenos por favor.
Double belly cheese fries and, Lex? Tea, hot.
And your wacky meal toys are, what again? It's a space rocket or a sunshine unicorn.
Ooh! I can't decide.
I better take both.
- JOKER: Whee! - (SHOOTING) (JOKER CACKLING) It's hard to watch the sunrise with all that racket.
Playing Junior Birdman here.
Maybe you know a more private place? As a matter of fact (BEEPS) I knew you had secret hideouts here and there, but, Lexi Ooh! This is where I meditate, focus my intellect and create my most ingenious inventions.
Like that big nasty bomb Superman took from you? All Superman got was a prototype.
The finished bomb is here.
- Safely hidden from - (MOTHER BOX WHIRRING) Oh! That's it.
- Of course.
- Of course.
I had to get you to lead me to it, old tub.
Now, if you'd be so kind.
I wasn't lying, Lex, not completely.
This really is the best day ever.
And by best day, you mean last day.
Well, Mother Box says we have a 0.
2% chance of survival.
I like those odds.
- You meant for the heroes to follow us - (BOMB BEEPING) As many as you could attract, all converging here.
Right about, now.
(GLASS SHATTERING) Holiday is over, Joker.
(GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) Wrong as always, Batsy.
JOKER: It's just (GRUNTING) (JOKER GRUNTS) Hurrah! Sorry! But this farewell shouldn't ever need a magician.
Or a trick shooter.
(LASER SHOOTING) This really was none of my doing.
(CHUCKLES) Pleading innocence while putting on your war suit? Not convincing, Lex.
(SIGHS) Worth a shot.
(GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) (BOTH GRUNT) (GRUNTS) Isn't this the perfect ending to our perfect day, Lex? (GROANS) You, me and our little super friends going up in one last big boom! (BEEPS) (GASPS) (GROANS) (GROANS) - Kryptonite? - You keep the others busy.
While I take out the biggest threat.
(EXCLAIMING) Now, it's a party.
You convinced me.
(GROANS) LEX: Not today.
- Not this way.
- BATMAN: Not ever.
Yeah, well, we'll see.
Won't we? Finally, I return to sweet sanity.
JOKER: Lexi, baby, booby! It's like we never parted.
What's this? Your new roommate, Luthor.
Oh, why the long face? (MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
Yeah, just making sure everyone's behaving themselves.
It's dead silent around here.
Hey, look! It's the fastest man alive! And his pal The Flash.
(LAUGHS) Selfie.
Joker! How? Lock down, now! No one gets in or out until I find him.
LEX: You don't have to keep pointing that weapon at me, Karen.
The warden says I do, Mr.
Luthor.
Building a bomb of ultimate destruction isn't the same as using a bomb of ultimate destruction.
You know, it's more of a hobby really.
Hands where I can see them, Mr.
Luthor.
Hi, there.
Glad to see you.
- (BLOWS WHISTLE) - (COUGHS) (THUDS) Lexi, baby funky boo! Joker.
How random? Kiss me! No.
(LAUGHS) Same old Lex! Come on, let's get going.
Uh Prison? Oh.
Right.
A Mother Box! Where did you A little present from my dear old friend, Desaad.
What those new gods will think of next? Stop! Sayonara, slowpoke! Uh Your gadget seems a little off.
It may not be one of the big boom tube models but it gets a fellow where he wants to go.
When I heard you'd been locked up for some trivial infraction Creating the bomb of ultimate destruction.
Bingo! I decided I must break you out and treat you to the best day ever! Why? We've only been tenuous allies before, at best.
What do you really want, Joker? Want? Me? What? No, no, no, I like you, Lex.
Honest.
And sometimes I worry you're not happy.
And I worry you're completely off your meds.
Goodbye.
Now, I've made a list of fun things to do.
First, the beach.
Look, it's almost paradise.
Oh, Lex, I wouldn't go there.
Stay where you are.
Luthor? Great Hera, Joker too? (GROANS) LEX: Paradise Island.
Perfect spot for a lunatic's luau.
I'm obeying the rules, WW.
No boy footsies on the island.
(CHUCKLES) Lex, I warned you.
You're both under arrest.
That's Princess Killjoy for you.
We'll take our fun elsewhere.
(COUGHS) (GRUNTS) Joker, where are we? Quick, what are the two sweetest words in English language? Destroy Superman.
Well yes, they are on the list.
But actually, I was thinking Log flume! (JOKER LAUGHS MANIACALLY) SUPERMAN: Yeah, it's them, all right.
The weird part is, they're not doing anything wrong.
They just seem to be hanging out.
First, Joker broke Luthor out of prison.
That's as wrong as it gets.
Second, they're criminals, they don't hang out.
Well, we're hanging out.
We're working.
We could hang out sometime, we talked about going bowling.
To Batman's point, Joker's antics are never as innocent as they seem.
So, Joker wants something and Luthor's got it.
But what? Right now, we're as clueless as Luthor.
Though I'm pretty sure of where they're headed next.
(BEEPING) FLASH: North Pole? Oh, no.
Now, that's just wrong.
Looks like they were chased off.
Thanks to my security system.
(WHISTLES) (PANTING) Good boy.
Should we be worried about what might be happening in the watch tower now? I left a precaution of my own.
Well done.
You guys and your dogs.
It's kind of adorable.
I've alerted the entire league.
No matter where Luthor and Joker appear.
One of our operatives will be close by.
(GASPS) (JOKER CACKLING) Beep, beep! (TIRES SCREECHING) Hmm.
Ah! Ugh! (SHATTERING) JOKER: Ooh! I love this place! Yes, you do.
MAN: Welcome to Big Belly Burger.
May I take your order please? Give me two belly busters, heavy all, tres belly tacos, mas jalapenos por favor.
Double belly cheese fries and, Lex? Tea, hot.
And your wacky meal toys are, what again? It's a space rocket or a sunshine unicorn.
Ooh! I can't decide.
I better take both.
- JOKER: Whee! - (SHOOTING) (JOKER CACKLING) It's hard to watch the sunrise with all that racket.
Playing Junior Birdman here.
Maybe you know a more private place? As a matter of fact (BEEPS) I knew you had secret hideouts here and there, but, Lexi Ooh! This is where I meditate, focus my intellect and create my most ingenious inventions.
Like that big nasty bomb Superman took from you? All Superman got was a prototype.
The finished bomb is here.
- Safely hidden from - (MOTHER BOX WHIRRING) Oh! That's it.
- Of course.
- Of course.
I had to get you to lead me to it, old tub.
Now, if you'd be so kind.
I wasn't lying, Lex, not completely.
This really is the best day ever.
And by best day, you mean last day.
Well, Mother Box says we have a 0.
2% chance of survival.
I like those odds.
- You meant for the heroes to follow us - (BOMB BEEPING) As many as you could attract, all converging here.
Right about, now.
(GLASS SHATTERING) Holiday is over, Joker.
(GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) Wrong as always, Batsy.
JOKER: It's just (GRUNTING) (JOKER GRUNTS) Hurrah! Sorry! But this farewell shouldn't ever need a magician.
Or a trick shooter.
(LASER SHOOTING) This really was none of my doing.
(CHUCKLES) Pleading innocence while putting on your war suit? Not convincing, Lex.
(SIGHS) Worth a shot.
(GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) (BOTH GRUNT) (GRUNTS) Isn't this the perfect ending to our perfect day, Lex? (GROANS) You, me and our little super friends going up in one last big boom! (BEEPS) (GASPS) (GROANS) (GROANS) - Kryptonite? - You keep the others busy.
While I take out the biggest threat.
(EXCLAIMING) Now, it's a party.
You convinced me.
(GROANS) LEX: Not today.
- Not this way.
- BATMAN: Not ever.
Yeah, well, we'll see.
Won't we? Finally, I return to sweet sanity.
JOKER: Lexi, baby, booby! It's like we never parted.
What's this? Your new roommate, Luthor.
Oh, why the long face? (MANIACAL LAUGHTER)