Gintama (2005) s01e34 Episode Script
Love Doesn't Require a Manual (1)
"The promising young pop star, TAMA.
Her cat ears are so cute" Wasn't she the one with the debut song that beat out Otsu's? She's the one who pushed Otsu-chan to eighth place on the Edocon, wasn't it? [Note: Edocon is a parody of the Oricon, a Japanese music sales ranking.
.]
This makes me sick.
What's so great about her? If she didn't have ears, she'd be just like any typical pop star.
Tell me about it.
Cat ears are an abomination.
But if Otsu-chan had cat ears, her popularity would go through the roof.
What are you saying, Sergeant?! Otsu-chan doesn't need cat ears! Right now, she's at her best and her cutest.
Takachin, it's a fact that a large number of people are attracted to cat ears.
In other words, this discussion begins with the acknowledgement of that fact.
Indeed, Otsu-san is cute and has a beautiful voice.
But it's an undeniable fact that these qualities alone are not enough to sustain an idol in times like these.
Aren't you the one who's denying the facts?! I saw you buying TAMA's photo collection.
Th-That was just President!! President!! Sergeant!! Tell me what Article 14 of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club Regulations is!! M-Members shall worship no other idols, but Otsu!! That's exactly right!! Sergeant!! You were one of the club's top officials, but you broke this regulation! Therefore, you will receive the Nose Hook Destroyer as punishment! Honestly.
Young people these days What are they thinking? Hey! Stop.
Come on.
Have a drink with me, toots.
Hey, let go.
Don't ignore me, sweet cheeks.
I just want you to listen to me.
Honestly.
A drunk now? Adults these days What's this world coming to? Stop! Let go of me! I'm really in a jam.
My subordinates are all useless.
And my daughter Stop.
Get away from me.
You stink! There's no need to say that.
Stop! Hey No! Someone!! Somebody, help me! Who cares about cat ears? There's a girl with cat ears living downstairs from us.
Her room smells like a litter box! I don't give a crap about cat ears!! Who cares about fetishes?! All cat ears should be burned!! Umm What is it?! I'm busy right now!! Umm, thank you for saving me.
You sure are brave.
That was very chivalrous of you.
Cat ears should Cat ears should Cat ears should be adored!! [Shinpachi saved a lovely cat-eared girl on the train!!.]
[How will this otaku's love turn out? Isn't it a little late for a story like this?.]
["Love Doesn't Require a Manual".]
Shin-chan.
Shin-chan, those are your nostrils.
What is that? Is that your silent way of telling me you won't eat my cooking? No It's not like that.
Sorry I was spaced out.
What's wrong, Shin-chan? You've been acting strange lately.
I heard from Gin-san that your witty comments are loosing their edge.
You've got to get a hold of yourself.
If you don't play the straight man, then this whole world will implode from an excess of funny men.
Sorry Honestly Don't apologize.
You were supposed to make a comment there.
You should've said something like "Dude! It's jokes like those that are destroying the world!" Sorry I'll say it now.
Dude, it's jokes- Who are you calling a "dude"?! What's wrong with me? Ever since then, that girl's face won't leave my head.
My heart aches.
It's painful No matter what I do, I can only think of that cat-eared girl I never thought I would have feelings for a girl who's not Otsu-chan Cat ears really are formidable.
No, no, no, no, no!! I have only Otsu-chan.
I won't ever cheat on her.
Umm I'd like to repay your kindness.
Can I have your address? She said that, but was she telling the truth? How is she going to repay me? Does she want to marry me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!! I am Captain Shinpachi Shimura of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club!! I cannot be unfaithful! [Odd Jobs Gin.]
I must stop having silly daydreams.
Nothing so sweet as this has ever come up during the sixteen years I've been alive.
Keep both feet on the ground.
Dream appropriate dreams.
Yes A guy as unexciting as me doesn't Good morning! Meow!! What do you think of this, Gin-chan? Don't you think this is a good look? Hey, don't put those on without permission.
They're for Shinpachi.
Put it back in the box, right away.
But you're eating the cake that was in the box.
Food is fine.
The evidence is destroyed once it's in your stomach.
Oh, oh no.
Shinpachi's going to be here any minute.
I'd better put it back.
Hey! That's not fair.
I still haven't had a bite yet.
Wow.
This is good.
Aww That's not good.
You've ruined my plan to eat it in a way that would make it seem as if it was always like this.
Oh well.
I'll take a bit off here.
You help, too.
Okay.
Make it round.
Make it a small round cake.
Okay.
No, not round like that, make it cylindrical Okay.
[Note: Pochi is a parody of Pocky, a Japanese snack.
.]
Gin-chan, this is bad.
This looks as short-lived as a pochi.
Do you know why pochi tastes so good? It's because it's short-lived.
[Note: Yakulko is a parody of Yakult, a probiotic drink.
.]
Oh? So that's why Yakulko tastes so good.
It's the same as life.
All right.
Let's put this away.
I'll put you away!! What are you doing, opening other people's mail?! There are things people should and shouldn't do!! Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow Shinpachi.
If you were there, you should say so.
Was this some sort of trap? That's underhanded.
You're terrible! You're the ones who are underhanded and terrible!! Umm Well, we didn't see anything.
We just ate your cake.
Yeah.
We didn't read the letter or anything.
Letter?! Umm Here.
It's a little ripped, but don't get the wrong idea.
It came like that.
We didn't look inside.
Yeah.
We don't know anything about your date.
Date?! In appreciation for your help the other day, I've sent you something that I believe will suit you.
It's not much, but I'd be happy if you wore it.
If it's possible, I'd like to see you again, so I can properly thank you.
Contact me when you feel like it.
[Note: Eromesu is a pun on Hermes (the female lead in Train Man), only in this case, "ero" for erotic and "mesu" for female cat.
.]
I'll be waiting for your call.
Eromesu.
No way! It's that girl!! No way! She wants to meet me? On a date? W-W-W-W-What should I do?! I've never been on a date before.
I don't know what to do Wait! That aside, is this really a date? Wait! Should I go on the assumption that this is a date? I'm the captain of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club Wait! Tsu Terakado's totally beyond my reach! Am I going to pass up a real girl for a fantasy? Wait! That aside, is this really a date?! No, wait! I'm not being unfaithful at all! This is just research! The Sergeant was bewitched by cat ears.
I must investigate and experience their terror first hand so such a tragedy will never happen again! Yes! This is just research! Unfortunately, I have no experience in love! There's a strong possibility that I'll be shot down before I experience cat ears.
I need a manual!! It's not as if I want her to like me.
This is research! I need a manual From someone who has a lot of experience! But Gin-san looks like he's never had a wholesome romantic encounter in his life, and Kagura-chan is just a girl who eats a lot.
Sis works at a cabaret bar, but she's a complete amateur at love.
She says that she's going to protect her chastity until she gets married, but she'll probably never get married.
Aside from them Huh? Someone close to me that I can confide in There isn't anyone?! [Train Samurai.]
[Note: This is a parody of Train Man (Densha Otoko).]
I saved a girl from a drunken molester on the train and I'm meeting her because she says she wants to thank me.
Is this a date? And what goes on during a date? In this case, regular people from far away are better than the idiots nearby.
I'm not good with computers, but I have no choice.
I can ask for opinions from all sorts of people here [Internet Teahouse.]
Furthermore, I can't talk to the people I know about love [Samurai Chat Room.]
Because it's too embarrassing.
Oh! There's a message already.
Amazing.
People are actually reading my message.
Online name: Fruit Punch Samurai? Train Samurai, this is not a sissy chat room where people discuss love.
This is a place where samurai declare their beliefs.
You're on the wrong board.
Leave immediately.
Whoa! He's really angry.
With a name like Fruit Punch Samurai, too Sorry, Fruit Punch Samurai-san.
I'm not really good with this stuff.
But I'm really worried about this.
Could you please help me, Fruit Punch Samurai-san? I'm not Fruit Punch Samurai!! I'm Katsura! Then what's the point in using a screen name?! And it's someone I know!! What the hell is he doing on this message board? [Fruit Punch Samurai.
Occupation: Terrorist.]
What is a fruit punch samurai anyway?! Commit seppuku, commit seppuku, commit seppuku, commit seppuku Fruit Punch Samurai is really getting hostile! What a jerk.
I'd like to fruit punch him right through the screen.
Oh, a new person.
Fallen Angel Samurai? Hey, cut it out.
This is a free board where samurai can talk about anything.
By the way, I'm a beautiful, slutty and flirty female swordsman.
I'm known as the Fencing Beauty.
A woman.
She might listen to me.
Fallen Angel Samurai-san, I'm a pathetic man who has never had a girlfriend in sixteen years.
I don't know how to deal with women.
What should I do? I'd appreciate your feminine opinion.
What a cute boy.
Fine, I'll teach you everything.
This guy's an idiot.
He thinks I'm a woman.
[Fallen Angel Samurai.
Occupation: Part-time worker.]
Hey! Just work the register.
Would you like to meet me offline? Woah! What's with her? She's kind of creepy.
Where do you want to meet? Fruit Punch Samurai guy went for it!! Wasn't this a place for samurai to discuss their beliefs?! I'm a guy, you moron! Wallow in porn for rest of your life!! Just kill yourself.
Just kill yourself.
Just kill yourself What are they doing? Huh?! Looking closely [Fruit Chinpo Samurai.]
["Punch" is "ponchi" in Japanese.
"Ponchi" spelled backwards is "Chinpo" which means "penis.
".]
It's not Fruit Punch Samurai.
Commander, bad news.
Matsudaira has been arrested for sexual harassment on the train.
I'm busy right now! Tell me later! [Fruit Chinpo Samurai.
Occupation: Shinsengumi Special Police.]
[Fruit Punch Samurai.]
Who are you?! You're using a name that's almost the same as mine, you horrible swine! It's confusing.
Change your name right now!! [Fruit Chinpo Samurai.]
Commit seppuku! Hey! Gee how old are these dopes? You commit seppuku! No, you commit seppuku! No, you! Aw, this is hopeless.
In this day and age, people are so indifferent with each other.
No one's going to listen to my petty woes.
I'm really beginning to hate myself.
I'm an unimaginative dweeb who can't make a move without getting advice from other people.
A person like me has no right to fall in love.
[Silver Samurai.]
Train Samurai, what are you so afraid of? Why are you so scared? Could it be? Are you afraid your date is going to fail? Are you afraid of being rejected? Are you that afraid of getting hurt? Gin-san Why? How do you know about this? Can it be? Are you here? There are two things people are afraid of: death and embarrassment.
Only fools try to overcome death.
But it takes real guts to conquer embarrassment.
That's my kind of fool.
Go get her Train Samurai.
Tackle it head-on Train Samurai.
Make a fool of yourself.
It will make you stronger.
Go Train Samurai! By the way, I, Gin-san, got a cute girlfriend by doing that.
She's an assassin.
She wears glasses and is really good looking.
She's incredibly cute.
Seriously.
She's begging by my side right now.
Heart.
[Silver Samurai.
Occupation: Assassin.]
By the way, anyone who sees this message has to make 10,000 posts in the thread titled "Sachan is going out with Gin-san.
" If not, Sachan will kill you four days later at midnight.
This is no joke.
One of my friends went missing on the fourth day after reading this.
Are you serious?! Umm Fruit Punch, did you see that? If you did, well, maybe we should work together We could each write 5,000 messages! Good idea.
We need to discuss the details.
Why don't we meet in person.
Tomorrow at 1:00 PM.
I'll be waiting in front of the Ieyasu statue.
All right.
I'll have fruit punch in my left hand.
You wait there with fruit punch in your right hand.
All right.
No!! Hey, does he think he's going to war? He sure is giving off a weird vibe.
I see.
So this is why he was acting strange.
According to the letter, the girl should be showing up any minute now.
So that's that.
Feel better now? Let's go and let them have their date.
No.
That girl may one day bear the Shimura family's future heir.
I want to see her with my eyes.
You're getting hasty.
You're acting like a sister-in-law.
What would you do if that girl's name was Ken? [Note: Ken Shimura is a Japanese comedian.
.]
It would be the birth of a great comedian.
No woman is named Ken! Oh! Here she comes! Shimura-san! Sorry.
It seems I made you wait Hey What is that? They're cat ears!! I never heard anything about that! Well, love transcends even the stars.
No way! I hate cats! I'm a dog person! Wait, wait.
Dogs and cats are pretty similar.
Those might actually be dog ears.
If she's a dog, then she's a dog that's been wed to the Shimura family.
[Note: The Japanese character for dog can be read as "ken.
".]
It would be the birth of Ken Shimura!! Who knows? Maybe she'll drop a whole litter of Shimura pups! In the end, you're still way too attached to your brother! I always thought it was Shinpachi who couldn't break free from you.
Butnow I get it! You have a brother complex! [burakon= brother complex.]
Who are you calling a burakon?! I'm not an easy woman who can be controlled by a remote! [rajikon= "radio control".]
That's a rajikon!! Umm, Fruit Punch Samurai-san? Oh, you were right next to me.
You told me you were going to hold your fruit punch in your left hand, but you were holding it in your right.
Oh, sorry.
I was thinking about it from the viewer's point of view.
Well, sorry for being so rude in cyber space.
I'm Fruit Punch Samurai.
This is a nightmare.
How can we possibly write 10,000 in three days? Oh, I'm Fruit C [Blue Sky Cafe.]
Here's your lemon tea.
Enjoy.
Following them to a place like this Isn't it kind of boorish to stick our necks into someone else's love life? I am being quiet! Scandals are achieved through legwork!! Be quiet!! The future of the Shimura family is at stake.
Shut up.
Don't talk at the same time!! Who are those people? Shinpachi-san? That's your eye, Shinpachi-san.
Sh-Shinpachi-san!! Are you all right? What's wrong? Did you get burned? N-No.
I'm all right.
No, I'm not all right Your fervent gaze has scorched my heart.
What's wrong? Crap! That's dirty, you cat-eared girl.
Why are such cute things on such a cute girl? They're like a secret weapon.
Well, this one is a weapon in a different kind of way.
Sergeant! Right now, I understand why you fell for cat ears.
Cat ears are amazing! Praise cat ears! I'm an idiot!! I didn't understand anything.
I was the one who needed to get hit, Sergeant.
I'm a coward.
I really have no right to be doing this.
Umm, Shinpachi-san.
Thank you very much for the other day.
I never thought you would come.
I'm really happy.
I wanted to meet you and thank you Or rather, I actually Once more That's your eye.
Huh? Oh no! What am I doing?! Sorry.
What's gotten into me? That's odd.
My heart's racing.
Stop! Please stop making such cute gestures!! It's getting to me.
You're hitting all my pressure points like a chiropractor.
What are you doing? You're wearing the cat ears I gave you.
I'm glad.
I took the time to pick them out.
It was always my dream to walk with someone I admired wearing matching clothes.
Oh! I said it What are you doing? Hey Cut it out.
Umm Are you lis What is this? What is this feeling?! That girl is making me really annoyed! What should I do?! What should I do?! There's something black in my heart! Get rid of it! Purge the darkness! Oh.
There's no need to make a big fuss about walking.
Why don't we do that right now? Huh? Really?! Is that all right? Thank goodness I gathered up all my courage.
Huh? What's going on? Things are getting misty.
Shall I make you blind forever?! Why me?! Do this to her!! Umm Can I hold your hand? Oh Well Here.
No matter how I look at this, this is a date.
We're holding hands and my heart is racing.
Huh? We ended up wandering down an awkward street.
On no.
She'll think that I want to be alone with her or that I want to go somewhere without any people.
U-Umm, Eromesu-chan, this street isn't really interesting.
Why don't we go down a main road? Shinpachi-san, I moved around too much, I'm feeling a little tired.
My house is nearby.
Care to go there to rest? Huh? My parents aren't home, either.
Really?! No way! Huh? What? This already?! We've just met Huh? It that what's going on? What should I do? I said it Oh dear I had heard that young people are wild nowadays, but this is as wild as the feudal era!! I can't! I can't do it! I'd be glad if I can do it with a cute girl like her But I'm still a boy and this time slot is anime time for children.
We were already demoted from golden hour.
If the PTA sends in a flood of complaints, the show will be canceled [Eromesu's House.]
What? What's wrong? Is there something wrong with my house? N-No! Nothing at all! Well then Oh no! This is bad! Not good! We're going to get cancelled if I don't do something Umm You can go in I'll be waiting in bed Forever.
I don't care about getting cancelled!! I won't back down after coming this far!! Who cares if this is anime time for children!! The staff will cheat by showing what happens like it's a science lesson [Science Lesson.]
[Pistil.]
[Stamen.]
It'll be all right! It'll definitely be all right!! I Shinpachi Shimura, will become a real man!! [To be continued.]
[Preview.]
Oh no! We've run out of time this week! We're going to continue next week! Huh? The next episode? Just cut that out! It's disgraceful for a man to turn down a woman's favor!! ["Love Doesn't Require a Manual (Continued)".]
[Next week's episode: "You Can't Judge a Person by His Appearance, Either.
".]
[will be pushed back.
Please understand.
(Maximum extension is thirty minutes.
).]
Her cat ears are so cute" Wasn't she the one with the debut song that beat out Otsu's? She's the one who pushed Otsu-chan to eighth place on the Edocon, wasn't it? [Note: Edocon is a parody of the Oricon, a Japanese music sales ranking.
.]
This makes me sick.
What's so great about her? If she didn't have ears, she'd be just like any typical pop star.
Tell me about it.
Cat ears are an abomination.
But if Otsu-chan had cat ears, her popularity would go through the roof.
What are you saying, Sergeant?! Otsu-chan doesn't need cat ears! Right now, she's at her best and her cutest.
Takachin, it's a fact that a large number of people are attracted to cat ears.
In other words, this discussion begins with the acknowledgement of that fact.
Indeed, Otsu-san is cute and has a beautiful voice.
But it's an undeniable fact that these qualities alone are not enough to sustain an idol in times like these.
Aren't you the one who's denying the facts?! I saw you buying TAMA's photo collection.
Th-That was just President!! President!! Sergeant!! Tell me what Article 14 of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club Regulations is!! M-Members shall worship no other idols, but Otsu!! That's exactly right!! Sergeant!! You were one of the club's top officials, but you broke this regulation! Therefore, you will receive the Nose Hook Destroyer as punishment! Honestly.
Young people these days What are they thinking? Hey! Stop.
Come on.
Have a drink with me, toots.
Hey, let go.
Don't ignore me, sweet cheeks.
I just want you to listen to me.
Honestly.
A drunk now? Adults these days What's this world coming to? Stop! Let go of me! I'm really in a jam.
My subordinates are all useless.
And my daughter Stop.
Get away from me.
You stink! There's no need to say that.
Stop! Hey No! Someone!! Somebody, help me! Who cares about cat ears? There's a girl with cat ears living downstairs from us.
Her room smells like a litter box! I don't give a crap about cat ears!! Who cares about fetishes?! All cat ears should be burned!! Umm What is it?! I'm busy right now!! Umm, thank you for saving me.
You sure are brave.
That was very chivalrous of you.
Cat ears should Cat ears should Cat ears should be adored!! [Shinpachi saved a lovely cat-eared girl on the train!!.]
[How will this otaku's love turn out? Isn't it a little late for a story like this?.]
["Love Doesn't Require a Manual".]
Shin-chan.
Shin-chan, those are your nostrils.
What is that? Is that your silent way of telling me you won't eat my cooking? No It's not like that.
Sorry I was spaced out.
What's wrong, Shin-chan? You've been acting strange lately.
I heard from Gin-san that your witty comments are loosing their edge.
You've got to get a hold of yourself.
If you don't play the straight man, then this whole world will implode from an excess of funny men.
Sorry Honestly Don't apologize.
You were supposed to make a comment there.
You should've said something like "Dude! It's jokes like those that are destroying the world!" Sorry I'll say it now.
Dude, it's jokes- Who are you calling a "dude"?! What's wrong with me? Ever since then, that girl's face won't leave my head.
My heart aches.
It's painful No matter what I do, I can only think of that cat-eared girl I never thought I would have feelings for a girl who's not Otsu-chan Cat ears really are formidable.
No, no, no, no, no!! I have only Otsu-chan.
I won't ever cheat on her.
Umm I'd like to repay your kindness.
Can I have your address? She said that, but was she telling the truth? How is she going to repay me? Does she want to marry me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!! I am Captain Shinpachi Shimura of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club!! I cannot be unfaithful! [Odd Jobs Gin.]
I must stop having silly daydreams.
Nothing so sweet as this has ever come up during the sixteen years I've been alive.
Keep both feet on the ground.
Dream appropriate dreams.
Yes A guy as unexciting as me doesn't Good morning! Meow!! What do you think of this, Gin-chan? Don't you think this is a good look? Hey, don't put those on without permission.
They're for Shinpachi.
Put it back in the box, right away.
But you're eating the cake that was in the box.
Food is fine.
The evidence is destroyed once it's in your stomach.
Oh, oh no.
Shinpachi's going to be here any minute.
I'd better put it back.
Hey! That's not fair.
I still haven't had a bite yet.
Wow.
This is good.
Aww That's not good.
You've ruined my plan to eat it in a way that would make it seem as if it was always like this.
Oh well.
I'll take a bit off here.
You help, too.
Okay.
Make it round.
Make it a small round cake.
Okay.
No, not round like that, make it cylindrical Okay.
[Note: Pochi is a parody of Pocky, a Japanese snack.
.]
Gin-chan, this is bad.
This looks as short-lived as a pochi.
Do you know why pochi tastes so good? It's because it's short-lived.
[Note: Yakulko is a parody of Yakult, a probiotic drink.
.]
Oh? So that's why Yakulko tastes so good.
It's the same as life.
All right.
Let's put this away.
I'll put you away!! What are you doing, opening other people's mail?! There are things people should and shouldn't do!! Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow Shinpachi.
If you were there, you should say so.
Was this some sort of trap? That's underhanded.
You're terrible! You're the ones who are underhanded and terrible!! Umm Well, we didn't see anything.
We just ate your cake.
Yeah.
We didn't read the letter or anything.
Letter?! Umm Here.
It's a little ripped, but don't get the wrong idea.
It came like that.
We didn't look inside.
Yeah.
We don't know anything about your date.
Date?! In appreciation for your help the other day, I've sent you something that I believe will suit you.
It's not much, but I'd be happy if you wore it.
If it's possible, I'd like to see you again, so I can properly thank you.
Contact me when you feel like it.
[Note: Eromesu is a pun on Hermes (the female lead in Train Man), only in this case, "ero" for erotic and "mesu" for female cat.
.]
I'll be waiting for your call.
Eromesu.
No way! It's that girl!! No way! She wants to meet me? On a date? W-W-W-W-What should I do?! I've never been on a date before.
I don't know what to do Wait! That aside, is this really a date? Wait! Should I go on the assumption that this is a date? I'm the captain of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club Wait! Tsu Terakado's totally beyond my reach! Am I going to pass up a real girl for a fantasy? Wait! That aside, is this really a date?! No, wait! I'm not being unfaithful at all! This is just research! The Sergeant was bewitched by cat ears.
I must investigate and experience their terror first hand so such a tragedy will never happen again! Yes! This is just research! Unfortunately, I have no experience in love! There's a strong possibility that I'll be shot down before I experience cat ears.
I need a manual!! It's not as if I want her to like me.
This is research! I need a manual From someone who has a lot of experience! But Gin-san looks like he's never had a wholesome romantic encounter in his life, and Kagura-chan is just a girl who eats a lot.
Sis works at a cabaret bar, but she's a complete amateur at love.
She says that she's going to protect her chastity until she gets married, but she'll probably never get married.
Aside from them Huh? Someone close to me that I can confide in There isn't anyone?! [Train Samurai.]
[Note: This is a parody of Train Man (Densha Otoko).]
I saved a girl from a drunken molester on the train and I'm meeting her because she says she wants to thank me.
Is this a date? And what goes on during a date? In this case, regular people from far away are better than the idiots nearby.
I'm not good with computers, but I have no choice.
I can ask for opinions from all sorts of people here [Internet Teahouse.]
Furthermore, I can't talk to the people I know about love [Samurai Chat Room.]
Because it's too embarrassing.
Oh! There's a message already.
Amazing.
People are actually reading my message.
Online name: Fruit Punch Samurai? Train Samurai, this is not a sissy chat room where people discuss love.
This is a place where samurai declare their beliefs.
You're on the wrong board.
Leave immediately.
Whoa! He's really angry.
With a name like Fruit Punch Samurai, too Sorry, Fruit Punch Samurai-san.
I'm not really good with this stuff.
But I'm really worried about this.
Could you please help me, Fruit Punch Samurai-san? I'm not Fruit Punch Samurai!! I'm Katsura! Then what's the point in using a screen name?! And it's someone I know!! What the hell is he doing on this message board? [Fruit Punch Samurai.
Occupation: Terrorist.]
What is a fruit punch samurai anyway?! Commit seppuku, commit seppuku, commit seppuku, commit seppuku Fruit Punch Samurai is really getting hostile! What a jerk.
I'd like to fruit punch him right through the screen.
Oh, a new person.
Fallen Angel Samurai? Hey, cut it out.
This is a free board where samurai can talk about anything.
By the way, I'm a beautiful, slutty and flirty female swordsman.
I'm known as the Fencing Beauty.
A woman.
She might listen to me.
Fallen Angel Samurai-san, I'm a pathetic man who has never had a girlfriend in sixteen years.
I don't know how to deal with women.
What should I do? I'd appreciate your feminine opinion.
What a cute boy.
Fine, I'll teach you everything.
This guy's an idiot.
He thinks I'm a woman.
[Fallen Angel Samurai.
Occupation: Part-time worker.]
Hey! Just work the register.
Would you like to meet me offline? Woah! What's with her? She's kind of creepy.
Where do you want to meet? Fruit Punch Samurai guy went for it!! Wasn't this a place for samurai to discuss their beliefs?! I'm a guy, you moron! Wallow in porn for rest of your life!! Just kill yourself.
Just kill yourself.
Just kill yourself What are they doing? Huh?! Looking closely [Fruit Chinpo Samurai.]
["Punch" is "ponchi" in Japanese.
"Ponchi" spelled backwards is "Chinpo" which means "penis.
".]
It's not Fruit Punch Samurai.
Commander, bad news.
Matsudaira has been arrested for sexual harassment on the train.
I'm busy right now! Tell me later! [Fruit Chinpo Samurai.
Occupation: Shinsengumi Special Police.]
[Fruit Punch Samurai.]
Who are you?! You're using a name that's almost the same as mine, you horrible swine! It's confusing.
Change your name right now!! [Fruit Chinpo Samurai.]
Commit seppuku! Hey! Gee how old are these dopes? You commit seppuku! No, you commit seppuku! No, you! Aw, this is hopeless.
In this day and age, people are so indifferent with each other.
No one's going to listen to my petty woes.
I'm really beginning to hate myself.
I'm an unimaginative dweeb who can't make a move without getting advice from other people.
A person like me has no right to fall in love.
[Silver Samurai.]
Train Samurai, what are you so afraid of? Why are you so scared? Could it be? Are you afraid your date is going to fail? Are you afraid of being rejected? Are you that afraid of getting hurt? Gin-san Why? How do you know about this? Can it be? Are you here? There are two things people are afraid of: death and embarrassment.
Only fools try to overcome death.
But it takes real guts to conquer embarrassment.
That's my kind of fool.
Go get her Train Samurai.
Tackle it head-on Train Samurai.
Make a fool of yourself.
It will make you stronger.
Go Train Samurai! By the way, I, Gin-san, got a cute girlfriend by doing that.
She's an assassin.
She wears glasses and is really good looking.
She's incredibly cute.
Seriously.
She's begging by my side right now.
Heart.
[Silver Samurai.
Occupation: Assassin.]
By the way, anyone who sees this message has to make 10,000 posts in the thread titled "Sachan is going out with Gin-san.
" If not, Sachan will kill you four days later at midnight.
This is no joke.
One of my friends went missing on the fourth day after reading this.
Are you serious?! Umm Fruit Punch, did you see that? If you did, well, maybe we should work together We could each write 5,000 messages! Good idea.
We need to discuss the details.
Why don't we meet in person.
Tomorrow at 1:00 PM.
I'll be waiting in front of the Ieyasu statue.
All right.
I'll have fruit punch in my left hand.
You wait there with fruit punch in your right hand.
All right.
No!! Hey, does he think he's going to war? He sure is giving off a weird vibe.
I see.
So this is why he was acting strange.
According to the letter, the girl should be showing up any minute now.
So that's that.
Feel better now? Let's go and let them have their date.
No.
That girl may one day bear the Shimura family's future heir.
I want to see her with my eyes.
You're getting hasty.
You're acting like a sister-in-law.
What would you do if that girl's name was Ken? [Note: Ken Shimura is a Japanese comedian.
.]
It would be the birth of a great comedian.
No woman is named Ken! Oh! Here she comes! Shimura-san! Sorry.
It seems I made you wait Hey What is that? They're cat ears!! I never heard anything about that! Well, love transcends even the stars.
No way! I hate cats! I'm a dog person! Wait, wait.
Dogs and cats are pretty similar.
Those might actually be dog ears.
If she's a dog, then she's a dog that's been wed to the Shimura family.
[Note: The Japanese character for dog can be read as "ken.
".]
It would be the birth of Ken Shimura!! Who knows? Maybe she'll drop a whole litter of Shimura pups! In the end, you're still way too attached to your brother! I always thought it was Shinpachi who couldn't break free from you.
Butnow I get it! You have a brother complex! [burakon= brother complex.]
Who are you calling a burakon?! I'm not an easy woman who can be controlled by a remote! [rajikon= "radio control".]
That's a rajikon!! Umm, Fruit Punch Samurai-san? Oh, you were right next to me.
You told me you were going to hold your fruit punch in your left hand, but you were holding it in your right.
Oh, sorry.
I was thinking about it from the viewer's point of view.
Well, sorry for being so rude in cyber space.
I'm Fruit Punch Samurai.
This is a nightmare.
How can we possibly write 10,000 in three days? Oh, I'm Fruit C [Blue Sky Cafe.]
Here's your lemon tea.
Enjoy.
Following them to a place like this Isn't it kind of boorish to stick our necks into someone else's love life? I am being quiet! Scandals are achieved through legwork!! Be quiet!! The future of the Shimura family is at stake.
Shut up.
Don't talk at the same time!! Who are those people? Shinpachi-san? That's your eye, Shinpachi-san.
Sh-Shinpachi-san!! Are you all right? What's wrong? Did you get burned? N-No.
I'm all right.
No, I'm not all right Your fervent gaze has scorched my heart.
What's wrong? Crap! That's dirty, you cat-eared girl.
Why are such cute things on such a cute girl? They're like a secret weapon.
Well, this one is a weapon in a different kind of way.
Sergeant! Right now, I understand why you fell for cat ears.
Cat ears are amazing! Praise cat ears! I'm an idiot!! I didn't understand anything.
I was the one who needed to get hit, Sergeant.
I'm a coward.
I really have no right to be doing this.
Umm, Shinpachi-san.
Thank you very much for the other day.
I never thought you would come.
I'm really happy.
I wanted to meet you and thank you Or rather, I actually Once more That's your eye.
Huh? Oh no! What am I doing?! Sorry.
What's gotten into me? That's odd.
My heart's racing.
Stop! Please stop making such cute gestures!! It's getting to me.
You're hitting all my pressure points like a chiropractor.
What are you doing? You're wearing the cat ears I gave you.
I'm glad.
I took the time to pick them out.
It was always my dream to walk with someone I admired wearing matching clothes.
Oh! I said it What are you doing? Hey Cut it out.
Umm Are you lis What is this? What is this feeling?! That girl is making me really annoyed! What should I do?! What should I do?! There's something black in my heart! Get rid of it! Purge the darkness! Oh.
There's no need to make a big fuss about walking.
Why don't we do that right now? Huh? Really?! Is that all right? Thank goodness I gathered up all my courage.
Huh? What's going on? Things are getting misty.
Shall I make you blind forever?! Why me?! Do this to her!! Umm Can I hold your hand? Oh Well Here.
No matter how I look at this, this is a date.
We're holding hands and my heart is racing.
Huh? We ended up wandering down an awkward street.
On no.
She'll think that I want to be alone with her or that I want to go somewhere without any people.
U-Umm, Eromesu-chan, this street isn't really interesting.
Why don't we go down a main road? Shinpachi-san, I moved around too much, I'm feeling a little tired.
My house is nearby.
Care to go there to rest? Huh? My parents aren't home, either.
Really?! No way! Huh? What? This already?! We've just met Huh? It that what's going on? What should I do? I said it Oh dear I had heard that young people are wild nowadays, but this is as wild as the feudal era!! I can't! I can't do it! I'd be glad if I can do it with a cute girl like her But I'm still a boy and this time slot is anime time for children.
We were already demoted from golden hour.
If the PTA sends in a flood of complaints, the show will be canceled [Eromesu's House.]
What? What's wrong? Is there something wrong with my house? N-No! Nothing at all! Well then Oh no! This is bad! Not good! We're going to get cancelled if I don't do something Umm You can go in I'll be waiting in bed Forever.
I don't care about getting cancelled!! I won't back down after coming this far!! Who cares if this is anime time for children!! The staff will cheat by showing what happens like it's a science lesson [Science Lesson.]
[Pistil.]
[Stamen.]
It'll be all right! It'll definitely be all right!! I Shinpachi Shimura, will become a real man!! [To be continued.]
[Preview.]
Oh no! We've run out of time this week! We're going to continue next week! Huh? The next episode? Just cut that out! It's disgraceful for a man to turn down a woman's favor!! ["Love Doesn't Require a Manual (Continued)".]
[Next week's episode: "You Can't Judge a Person by His Appearance, Either.
".]
[will be pushed back.
Please understand.
(Maximum extension is thirty minutes.
).]