Milo Murphy's Law (2016) s01e34 Episode Script
Milo's Halloween Scream-a-Torium
1 [TITLE MUSIC.]
# Look at that sun Look at that sky # # Look at my sweater vest I look so fly # # Look at that mailbox Look at that tree # # It's about as beautiful as it can be # # Whoa # Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Whoa - # We're all livin' in it # - # Whoa # Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # [IN TRANSYLVANIAN ACCENT.]
Good evening, children and immature adults.
Welcome to Milo Murphy's Halloween Scream-a-tor [COUGHING.]
A-torium.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Scream-a-torium.
[IN BRITISH ACCENT.]
So here's the deal.
Milo's building a haunted house in an old truck.
You can see where this is going.
I mean, Milo building a House of Horror? What could possibly go wrong? Anyway [IN TRANSYLVANIAN ACCENT.]
Scary! [MUSIC.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
[THUDS.]
Welcome to the Scream-a-torium.
Behold! Our first fright.
Good scary broccoli costume, Diogee! My mom made it for last year's Veggie Fest.
Wait, what's Veggie Fest? - Well, you see - This episode is not about Veggie Fest.
Uh, hey, Milo, didn't Dad decommission this truck because it's unsafe? It was just the brakes.
And steering.
And engine.
It's perfectly safe as long as it's not moving.
So this baby isn't going anywhere! [CHUCKLES.]
How much you wanna bet that - Sorry, no more bets.
Window's closed.
- MILO: Hang on a second.
Hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
Hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
Aha! No costume.
Aren't we a little too old to dress up for Halloween? - BOTH: No.
- Wait, it's Halloween? I'm just kidding, of course I know it's Halloween.
But I do wear this intermittently all year.
Eh, I think I may have outgrown Halloween scares.
You sure about that? [SAW WHIRRS PITIFULLY.]
[CLANKING.]
- Yeah, pretty sure.
- Just not a Halloween guy? No, the opposite! I used to love Halloween.
I loved getting dressed up! And my dad used to love scaring me.
Boo! [SCREAMS.]
ZACK: [CHUCKLES.]
Ah, man, was my dad good at it.
[ROARS.]
[SCREAMS.]
ZACK: Every year, it was something new.
[GROANS.]
[SCREAMS.]
ZACK: As far back as I can remember [LAUGHS EVILLY.]
[SCREAMS.]
he was always scaring me.
[ROARS.]
[SCREAMS.]
- And it was awesome.
- [LAUGHS.]
Yeah! But this year, I turned 14.
And fake cobwebs and costumed dummies just don't scare me anymore.
Well, maybe Milo's Haunted House will fix that.
I mean, I doubt it, but I guess I could try.
Excellent Zack, hold on to your socks! [CACKLES.]
[LAUGHS EVILLY.]
[HOWLS.]
Huh.
[CAT YOWLS.]
Okay.
Um Follow me if you have any brains.
Brains! Oh, that's right.
I didn't go with a zombie costume.
Ah, anyway.
Follow me if you have any blood.
- I got blood! - Me, too! I guess I've got blood, too.
CAVENDISH: Oh, Hildegard.
I know I'm only a lowly time-traveler, third-class - but would you do me the honor of - Wake up! - Oh! - I heard this dream before, she says no.
Well, she might have said yes this time.
In your dreams.
Well, yes, obviously, but now, we will never know.
That's what I was going for.
Anyways, it's too big a day to waste napping.
Today is the last Halloween ever! The ancient holiday that ended mysteriously in the early 21st century.
This is most fortuitous.
- We could solve the mystery! - Or we could have fun.
- I hear there's candy involved.
- All right, what do we do? Well, according to my research, we sneak up on teenagers wearing a hockey mask.
- Mmm-hmm.
I'm with you so far.
- And, I got us costumes! - A parachute.
- That's weird.
Night vision goggles, a grappling hook You ninny, you've taken Brick and Savannah's duffle bag again! Oh Whoops.
[MUSIC.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
[BOTH GRUNT.]
I'm gonna kill those guys.
[GROANING.]
[BONE CRACKS.]
[SCREAMS.]
Hey, look, this is pretty neato.
[SPOOKY MUSIC.]
CAVENDISH: Why do Brick and Savannah always get the cool gadgets? [BEEPING.]
Oh, look, it wants to link to my phone.
[BEEPING.]
"Enable data from Time Grenade.
" Yes.
Time grenade? Those are incredibly dangerous! They erase time! Put it somewhere safe and don't touch it.
- Okay, okay.
- Honestly, you've got to pay attention to what you're doing.
Behold the Ghastly Chamber of Ghastliness! Enter, if you dare! [CREAKS.]
[SCREAMS.]
- Squeaking freaks me out.
- Hmm.
- Oh, hi, Diogee.
- Hi, Diogee.
Broccoli dog.
Very scary.
- So, what do you think, Zack? - It's so terrifying, I can hardly believe we're just sitting in Milo's driveway.
Milo, have you seen my fake teeth? Oh.
[SMACKS LIPS.]
Never mind, I'm wearing them.
Wait a second! I thought I decommissioned a truck today.
[MUSIC.]
Whoa! Did you guys feel that? That's weird.
How did he get the truck to shake like this? Shaky truck! Shaky truck! Shaky truck! Really? You're afraid of hydraulics? I'm afraid of squeaking and shaking.
Wow! I got a Sour Face and three Pork Bars! - I got Sweet n' Sour Lemon Baseballs.
- Okay, are you kids Halloweening within acceptable safety parameters? Come on, let's go Halloween somewhere else.
Gotta remain vigilant on the most dangerous non-religious holiday night of the latter half of the year.
Hey! Uneven payload, expired license plate, unauthorized Halloween signage.
Not on my watch, buster! [ROCK MUSIC.]
[TIRES SQUEAKING.]
[TIRES SQUEAKING.]
[CLANKING.]
Whoa, clinking chains.
I'm terrified.
[SCREAMS.]
Really? You're afraid of Mr.
Drako? Huh, I didn't really like shop class.
So many sharp objects.
No, I don't think that's Mr.
Drako.
- I think it's supposed to be Dracula.
- Oh, yeah.
Look at that.
- Huh.
It's Dracula.
- [SCREAMS.]
Really? [SCREAMS.]
What's that all about? - She didn't like your shop class.
- Ouch.
[MUSIC.]
[PANTING.]
Piggy-backing without the proper hydraulic hook-up? Another safety violation! [PANTING.]
Okay.
These costumes are ridiculous.
- What are we even supposed to be? - Well, I'm the Industrial [WHIRRING.]
Revolution.
Get it? Get it? I made mine! And I got yours in a thrift store.
But what am I? Why do I have these spots? Why is this neck so long? Are these horns? Dude, where are you from? No Giraffe Land? Never mind that.
And you're sure that you understand how this Halloween holiday works? Oh, don't worry.
I did a ton of research on the Internet while you were trying on your costume.
Anyway.
I got this all figured out.
Oh, good, it's our turn.
Grab the cart.
Thank you.
- We give thanks for Halloween.
- Huzzah! [MUSIC.]
- Here you go, the traditional turkey.
- And toilet paper pranks.
Okay, now you blow out the candle and make a wish while I go hide the eggs.
And this is for the yearbook.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
- What are you doing? - Oh, I'm sorry.
Did we get it wrong? - Uh, we're from out of town.
- Yeah, apparently he's from some place where they don't have giraffes.
- It's our first Halloween.
- Yeah, we're new.
- Would you like us to explain? - [CHUCKLES.]
No, no, no, yes.
[CHORUS VOCALIZING.]
[MUSIC.]
I think I understand I think I get the knack It's just a way to get free candy What a racket We are gonna score tonight It's gonna be a phenomenon CHORUS: # La la la la # Halloween is just the best Too bad it's the last one We need to stop at every house Oh, wait, we just passed one We've got to make the most of this While it's still going on We're going from door to door just asking for candy On any other night it would be panhandling I think you know what I mean It's the last Halloween [VOCALIZING.]
Look at this candy Look at this loot We should avoid that house I hear they're giving fresh fruit But right next door they got full-sized candy bars La la la la Wait, I got an idea It's a little bit shady But if we change costumes that same old lady's gonna Give us more candy 'Cause she won't know who we are BOTH: # Wear a costume that's simple # Or really elaborate Using papier maché or just cheap fabric You could be a ghost and I could be a Frankenstein We're going door to door Just asking for candy On any other night This would be panhandling But live it up, folks 'Cause tonight's the last Halloween Yeah, live it up, folks 'Cause tonight's the last Halloween [VOCALIZING.]
[LOUD CRASHING.]
Whoa! [GRUNTS.]
Okay, now I'm gonna have to start writing these safety violations down.
- Oh, the rumbling stopped.
- Yeah, it did.
- Hey, where's Zack? - I don't know.
What? I'm gonna go find Milo.
Milo! Come on, man, where are you, Milo [SCREAMS.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Okay, now this is actually scary! [GRUNTS.]
Hey, Zack, why aren't you in the [SCREAMS.]
- Oh, there you are.
Whoa! - I got you.
MILO: Aww, that cloak was a rental.
[STONE CRACKING.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
[IN BRITISH ACCENT.]
And this is where we end the first half with a What do you call it when they're hanging off the end of a cliff? Oh, never mind.
See you after the break.
[CHORUS VOCALIZING.]
ZACK: Yeah, now would be a great time for you to say, "I've got an idea!" Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Right.
Zack, I got an Cliffhanger! That's the word I was looking for.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Go back to the story.
.
.
an idea.
Look inside my backpack.
A rhino mask? Well, it is Halloween.
But keep looking.
Oh, I found a grappling hook! I'm the man! I take that back.
I'm not the man.
[LOUD RUMBLING.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
- Now what? - Try again! - I always carry extras of everything.
- Of course, you do! Seriously? - Well, it is Hallo - Stop saying that! Cool hydraulics! Feels like we're really moving! Got it! Here, Milo.
Aim for that tree! [SCREAMS.]
Um, how much longer before we die? Well, actuaries calculate that the average lifespan of a 14-year-old male is approximately Don't quote actuarial tables at me! I went to actuary camp for three summers! - You went to actuary camp? - You don't know everything about me! - Just throw the grappling hook! - Oh, yeah.
I can do this! - ZACK: You did it! - MILO: Huh.
And on my first try, too.
- ZACK: It's working! - I knew those grappling hook classes would pay off.
ZACK: Wait, you took grappling hook classes? MILO: You don't know everything about me! [GRUNTS.]
ZACK: Oh.
Yeesh! - Glad that's over.
- Me, too.
Well, well, well, what do we have here? Oh, hey, Elliot! Elliot's dressed like a T-Rex.
Actually, I think that's a Velociraptor.
You're both wrong.
I'm an Allosaurus.
But never mind that.
You two are in big trouble.
Don't you realize that a big truck like this could roll away - Here we go again.
Come on, Zack! - Whoa! I told you it would roll away! Hey! My bike! [PANTING.]
[SCREAMING.]
- I hope the girls are okay.
- Oh, they must be terrified in there! [SCREAMS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHING.]
[SCREAMING.]
- Wait.
There's no brakes! - And no engine! - Where's the steering wheel? - I think this bird is using it as a nest.
Of course, he is! Attention! Driver of late model Scream-a-torium! You have committed 17 safety violations! Eighteen! Okay, 19.
[ELLIOT GRUNTS.]
[ELLIOT GRUNTING AND PANTING.]
Twenty! [PANTING.]
Oh, you know, Dakota, I have never had so much fun in all my life.
You've never had any fun in all your life.
Let's take a load off and enjoy some candy.
Oh, hey, I think my pumpkin got switched with that other kid's pumpkin back there.
How could you tell? They're both filled with candy.
Yeah, but mine had the time grenade in it and this one does not.
Wait! Does that mean some random child has the time grenade? - Oh, yes - He could accidentally wipe out the next year or the next century! - Uh - You and I would never exist! Why the deuce would you have the time grenade in your candy basket? You said put it somewhere safe.
What's safer than with my candy? Oh, I don't know, how about in your pocket, in your shoe, in the bag you originally found it in, in a safety deposit box [NARRATOR READING.]
- in a birdhouse, a doghouse, a hotel safe - All good ideas, I admit.
But hey, it's a high-tech device from the future.
What are the odds some kid's even going to be able to activate it? - What is that? - I don't know.
Let's activate it.
[BEEPS.]
BOTH: Ooh! [CELL PHONE BEEPING.]
So, I'm not batting 1,000 today.
The kid just activated it.
But it's only set for one day, so it'll just delete October 31st.
- You know, for all eternity.
- Do you realize what this means? It's not that people decided to stop celebrating Halloween, we destroyed it by letting the time grenade fall into the hands of that child.
We've got to find him! It's okay, we've still got four minutes and 48, 47, 46 - It's counting down? - Yeah, just a little bit.
Don't worry, I know what the kid looks like.
He looks like a ghost carrying a little basket like this.
Ahem.
Okay, it's gonna be a little harder than I thought.
There.
Perfect! Now Hey, Zack, could you adjust your mirror so we can see where Wow.
Narrow road.
[SPEED-UP MUSIC.]
Oh, look at that! Ha.
The windshield wipers work.
[BOTH SCREAM.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
[LAUGHs.]
How is he doing this? I have no idea! This is against the laws of physics! I don't wanna get carsick right before I die.
You're not gonna die.
Just push the parachute button.
So there's a parachute button, but no engine? Yeah.
Who needs an engine when you're falling? I have no response to that.
[BUTTON BEEPS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Whoo! MORT: Okay, Chad, let's go over the Halloween party prep list one more time before the kids get here.
- Okay, go.
- Let's see.
Scary monster cutout.
- Check.
- Bean bag toss? - CHAD: Check.
- MORT: Table with eight, nine - Nine pieces of candy? Used to be ten? - [GULPS.]
Check.
- Apple bobbing bucket with no apples? - CHAD: Check.
Wow.
We really stink at planning parties.
- The kids are gonna be really disappointed.
- I don't know about you, but I'm gonna grab what's left of the candy.
[HEAVY THUD.]
Wow.
We survived.
Unless heaven looks like the floor of a movie theater.
- What? - Oh, hey, Mort.
Chad.
Wow.
Cosmic entrance, Milo! - We're here for the party.
- Where's the party? - Yeah, where's the big surprise? - CHILD 1: Hey! - CHILD 2: Awesome! - CHILD 3: Sweet! Huh? Huh? - I'm scared right now.
- Oh, I love being scared! This is gonna be great! Notice the awesome chiaroscuro on the mannequin with no head? And how about that expressionistic splatter effect? [CHILDREN CHEERING.]
Flabberknackers! Who knew it would be so much trouble rifling through kids' Halloween bags? Yeah, I thought it was supposed to be easy.
- Taking candy from a baby.
- I swear, Dakota, if I get punched in the face by one more disgruntled mother - You'll what? - Pout.
Come on, we still got one minute, it's gotta be around here somewhere.
Look at this thing.
I have no idea what house I got it from or what it is, or if it's even safe.
- But I activated it.
[BEEPING.]
- Oi, what's that noise? [GASPS.]
It's the time grenade.
It's right over there! - Quick, there's not a moment to lose! - I'm on it! [DISTORTED YELLING.]
- Wow, I really miscalculated that.
- Yes, what were you doing? Well, I was thinking I could dive.
It would make this big, dramatic ending to the - Time grenade.
- Oh, yeah.
I'll just take that.
- Hey! - Yeah, sorry, kid.
Here, candy.
- BOY: Awesome! - Disarm it! DAKOTA: I'm trying.
It's a four-step process.
- Well, hurry up! - It doesn't help when you yell.
Just change it to a day that's not Halloween! Yeah, okay, yeah.
December 25th.
- That's Christmas! - Uh, 24th! - Nothing in December! - Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I-I think this button will disarm it.
[BEEPS.]
Oh, no.
That was just the time-shift button.
We're in ancient Rome! I can see that.
Just three more steps.
- What have you been doing? - What? They're long steps, okay? [BEEPING.]
Wait, we're out of time.
She's gonna blow! What What day was it set for? Oh, it was set for February 29th.
- That's not a day anybody really needs.
- Huzzah! Plus, I had it one-quarter disarmed, so we'll still get one every four years.
Great Caesar's ghost! We just created leap year.
Great Caesar's what? Oh, nothing, nothing.
We were just leaving.
Toodle-oo.
Beware the Ides of March.
- That's my favorite holiday.
- Yeah, not for long.
[SCREAMS.]
- You were so terrified in there.
- Yes.
I was.
And it was awesome.
Wait a minute.
Where How did we get here? Funny story, actually.
[SCREAMS.]
Wait, Zack, I thought you left.
How did you get here? The scariest way possible.
With Milo.
I don't see what I was worried about.
Every day with Milo is a Halloween fright-fest.
- I'm glad you liked it.
- Well, Zack, I'm glad to see you've finally come around.
Yeah, I guess Halloween's still fun after all.
[GRUNTS.]
Milo! Where's my bike? [ALL SCREAM.]
- Huh.
Still not scared.
- Hey, son.
[SCREAMS.]
[CHUCKLING.]
Hey, that's a pretty good Halloween costume, Mr.
Underwood.
It's Halloween? [MUSIC.]
We're all livin' in it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go MILO: Oh, thanks, everybody! That is so motivational.
Go, Milo Go, Milo, go Whoa I'm not sitting here watching the world turn You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go It's my world and we're all livin' in it
# Look at that sun Look at that sky # # Look at my sweater vest I look so fly # # Look at that mailbox Look at that tree # # It's about as beautiful as it can be # # Whoa # Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Whoa - # We're all livin' in it # - # Whoa # Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # [IN TRANSYLVANIAN ACCENT.]
Good evening, children and immature adults.
Welcome to Milo Murphy's Halloween Scream-a-tor [COUGHING.]
A-torium.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Scream-a-torium.
[IN BRITISH ACCENT.]
So here's the deal.
Milo's building a haunted house in an old truck.
You can see where this is going.
I mean, Milo building a House of Horror? What could possibly go wrong? Anyway [IN TRANSYLVANIAN ACCENT.]
Scary! [MUSIC.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
[THUDS.]
Welcome to the Scream-a-torium.
Behold! Our first fright.
Good scary broccoli costume, Diogee! My mom made it for last year's Veggie Fest.
Wait, what's Veggie Fest? - Well, you see - This episode is not about Veggie Fest.
Uh, hey, Milo, didn't Dad decommission this truck because it's unsafe? It was just the brakes.
And steering.
And engine.
It's perfectly safe as long as it's not moving.
So this baby isn't going anywhere! [CHUCKLES.]
How much you wanna bet that - Sorry, no more bets.
Window's closed.
- MILO: Hang on a second.
Hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
Hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
Aha! No costume.
Aren't we a little too old to dress up for Halloween? - BOTH: No.
- Wait, it's Halloween? I'm just kidding, of course I know it's Halloween.
But I do wear this intermittently all year.
Eh, I think I may have outgrown Halloween scares.
You sure about that? [SAW WHIRRS PITIFULLY.]
[CLANKING.]
- Yeah, pretty sure.
- Just not a Halloween guy? No, the opposite! I used to love Halloween.
I loved getting dressed up! And my dad used to love scaring me.
Boo! [SCREAMS.]
ZACK: [CHUCKLES.]
Ah, man, was my dad good at it.
[ROARS.]
[SCREAMS.]
ZACK: Every year, it was something new.
[GROANS.]
[SCREAMS.]
ZACK: As far back as I can remember [LAUGHS EVILLY.]
[SCREAMS.]
he was always scaring me.
[ROARS.]
[SCREAMS.]
- And it was awesome.
- [LAUGHS.]
Yeah! But this year, I turned 14.
And fake cobwebs and costumed dummies just don't scare me anymore.
Well, maybe Milo's Haunted House will fix that.
I mean, I doubt it, but I guess I could try.
Excellent Zack, hold on to your socks! [CACKLES.]
[LAUGHS EVILLY.]
[HOWLS.]
Huh.
[CAT YOWLS.]
Okay.
Um Follow me if you have any brains.
Brains! Oh, that's right.
I didn't go with a zombie costume.
Ah, anyway.
Follow me if you have any blood.
- I got blood! - Me, too! I guess I've got blood, too.
CAVENDISH: Oh, Hildegard.
I know I'm only a lowly time-traveler, third-class - but would you do me the honor of - Wake up! - Oh! - I heard this dream before, she says no.
Well, she might have said yes this time.
In your dreams.
Well, yes, obviously, but now, we will never know.
That's what I was going for.
Anyways, it's too big a day to waste napping.
Today is the last Halloween ever! The ancient holiday that ended mysteriously in the early 21st century.
This is most fortuitous.
- We could solve the mystery! - Or we could have fun.
- I hear there's candy involved.
- All right, what do we do? Well, according to my research, we sneak up on teenagers wearing a hockey mask.
- Mmm-hmm.
I'm with you so far.
- And, I got us costumes! - A parachute.
- That's weird.
Night vision goggles, a grappling hook You ninny, you've taken Brick and Savannah's duffle bag again! Oh Whoops.
[MUSIC.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
[BOTH GRUNT.]
I'm gonna kill those guys.
[GROANING.]
[BONE CRACKS.]
[SCREAMS.]
Hey, look, this is pretty neato.
[SPOOKY MUSIC.]
CAVENDISH: Why do Brick and Savannah always get the cool gadgets? [BEEPING.]
Oh, look, it wants to link to my phone.
[BEEPING.]
"Enable data from Time Grenade.
" Yes.
Time grenade? Those are incredibly dangerous! They erase time! Put it somewhere safe and don't touch it.
- Okay, okay.
- Honestly, you've got to pay attention to what you're doing.
Behold the Ghastly Chamber of Ghastliness! Enter, if you dare! [CREAKS.]
[SCREAMS.]
- Squeaking freaks me out.
- Hmm.
- Oh, hi, Diogee.
- Hi, Diogee.
Broccoli dog.
Very scary.
- So, what do you think, Zack? - It's so terrifying, I can hardly believe we're just sitting in Milo's driveway.
Milo, have you seen my fake teeth? Oh.
[SMACKS LIPS.]
Never mind, I'm wearing them.
Wait a second! I thought I decommissioned a truck today.
[MUSIC.]
Whoa! Did you guys feel that? That's weird.
How did he get the truck to shake like this? Shaky truck! Shaky truck! Shaky truck! Really? You're afraid of hydraulics? I'm afraid of squeaking and shaking.
Wow! I got a Sour Face and three Pork Bars! - I got Sweet n' Sour Lemon Baseballs.
- Okay, are you kids Halloweening within acceptable safety parameters? Come on, let's go Halloween somewhere else.
Gotta remain vigilant on the most dangerous non-religious holiday night of the latter half of the year.
Hey! Uneven payload, expired license plate, unauthorized Halloween signage.
Not on my watch, buster! [ROCK MUSIC.]
[TIRES SQUEAKING.]
[TIRES SQUEAKING.]
[CLANKING.]
Whoa, clinking chains.
I'm terrified.
[SCREAMS.]
Really? You're afraid of Mr.
Drako? Huh, I didn't really like shop class.
So many sharp objects.
No, I don't think that's Mr.
Drako.
- I think it's supposed to be Dracula.
- Oh, yeah.
Look at that.
- Huh.
It's Dracula.
- [SCREAMS.]
Really? [SCREAMS.]
What's that all about? - She didn't like your shop class.
- Ouch.
[MUSIC.]
[PANTING.]
Piggy-backing without the proper hydraulic hook-up? Another safety violation! [PANTING.]
Okay.
These costumes are ridiculous.
- What are we even supposed to be? - Well, I'm the Industrial [WHIRRING.]
Revolution.
Get it? Get it? I made mine! And I got yours in a thrift store.
But what am I? Why do I have these spots? Why is this neck so long? Are these horns? Dude, where are you from? No Giraffe Land? Never mind that.
And you're sure that you understand how this Halloween holiday works? Oh, don't worry.
I did a ton of research on the Internet while you were trying on your costume.
Anyway.
I got this all figured out.
Oh, good, it's our turn.
Grab the cart.
Thank you.
- We give thanks for Halloween.
- Huzzah! [MUSIC.]
- Here you go, the traditional turkey.
- And toilet paper pranks.
Okay, now you blow out the candle and make a wish while I go hide the eggs.
And this is for the yearbook.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
- What are you doing? - Oh, I'm sorry.
Did we get it wrong? - Uh, we're from out of town.
- Yeah, apparently he's from some place where they don't have giraffes.
- It's our first Halloween.
- Yeah, we're new.
- Would you like us to explain? - [CHUCKLES.]
No, no, no, yes.
[CHORUS VOCALIZING.]
[MUSIC.]
I think I understand I think I get the knack It's just a way to get free candy What a racket We are gonna score tonight It's gonna be a phenomenon CHORUS: # La la la la # Halloween is just the best Too bad it's the last one We need to stop at every house Oh, wait, we just passed one We've got to make the most of this While it's still going on We're going from door to door just asking for candy On any other night it would be panhandling I think you know what I mean It's the last Halloween [VOCALIZING.]
Look at this candy Look at this loot We should avoid that house I hear they're giving fresh fruit But right next door they got full-sized candy bars La la la la Wait, I got an idea It's a little bit shady But if we change costumes that same old lady's gonna Give us more candy 'Cause she won't know who we are BOTH: # Wear a costume that's simple # Or really elaborate Using papier maché or just cheap fabric You could be a ghost and I could be a Frankenstein We're going door to door Just asking for candy On any other night This would be panhandling But live it up, folks 'Cause tonight's the last Halloween Yeah, live it up, folks 'Cause tonight's the last Halloween [VOCALIZING.]
[LOUD CRASHING.]
Whoa! [GRUNTS.]
Okay, now I'm gonna have to start writing these safety violations down.
- Oh, the rumbling stopped.
- Yeah, it did.
- Hey, where's Zack? - I don't know.
What? I'm gonna go find Milo.
Milo! Come on, man, where are you, Milo [SCREAMS.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Okay, now this is actually scary! [GRUNTS.]
Hey, Zack, why aren't you in the [SCREAMS.]
- Oh, there you are.
Whoa! - I got you.
MILO: Aww, that cloak was a rental.
[STONE CRACKING.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
[IN BRITISH ACCENT.]
And this is where we end the first half with a What do you call it when they're hanging off the end of a cliff? Oh, never mind.
See you after the break.
[CHORUS VOCALIZING.]
ZACK: Yeah, now would be a great time for you to say, "I've got an idea!" Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Right.
Zack, I got an Cliffhanger! That's the word I was looking for.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Go back to the story.
.
.
an idea.
Look inside my backpack.
A rhino mask? Well, it is Halloween.
But keep looking.
Oh, I found a grappling hook! I'm the man! I take that back.
I'm not the man.
[LOUD RUMBLING.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
- Now what? - Try again! - I always carry extras of everything.
- Of course, you do! Seriously? - Well, it is Hallo - Stop saying that! Cool hydraulics! Feels like we're really moving! Got it! Here, Milo.
Aim for that tree! [SCREAMS.]
Um, how much longer before we die? Well, actuaries calculate that the average lifespan of a 14-year-old male is approximately Don't quote actuarial tables at me! I went to actuary camp for three summers! - You went to actuary camp? - You don't know everything about me! - Just throw the grappling hook! - Oh, yeah.
I can do this! - ZACK: You did it! - MILO: Huh.
And on my first try, too.
- ZACK: It's working! - I knew those grappling hook classes would pay off.
ZACK: Wait, you took grappling hook classes? MILO: You don't know everything about me! [GRUNTS.]
ZACK: Oh.
Yeesh! - Glad that's over.
- Me, too.
Well, well, well, what do we have here? Oh, hey, Elliot! Elliot's dressed like a T-Rex.
Actually, I think that's a Velociraptor.
You're both wrong.
I'm an Allosaurus.
But never mind that.
You two are in big trouble.
Don't you realize that a big truck like this could roll away - Here we go again.
Come on, Zack! - Whoa! I told you it would roll away! Hey! My bike! [PANTING.]
[SCREAMING.]
- I hope the girls are okay.
- Oh, they must be terrified in there! [SCREAMS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHING.]
[SCREAMING.]
- Wait.
There's no brakes! - And no engine! - Where's the steering wheel? - I think this bird is using it as a nest.
Of course, he is! Attention! Driver of late model Scream-a-torium! You have committed 17 safety violations! Eighteen! Okay, 19.
[ELLIOT GRUNTS.]
[ELLIOT GRUNTING AND PANTING.]
Twenty! [PANTING.]
Oh, you know, Dakota, I have never had so much fun in all my life.
You've never had any fun in all your life.
Let's take a load off and enjoy some candy.
Oh, hey, I think my pumpkin got switched with that other kid's pumpkin back there.
How could you tell? They're both filled with candy.
Yeah, but mine had the time grenade in it and this one does not.
Wait! Does that mean some random child has the time grenade? - Oh, yes - He could accidentally wipe out the next year or the next century! - Uh - You and I would never exist! Why the deuce would you have the time grenade in your candy basket? You said put it somewhere safe.
What's safer than with my candy? Oh, I don't know, how about in your pocket, in your shoe, in the bag you originally found it in, in a safety deposit box [NARRATOR READING.]
- in a birdhouse, a doghouse, a hotel safe - All good ideas, I admit.
But hey, it's a high-tech device from the future.
What are the odds some kid's even going to be able to activate it? - What is that? - I don't know.
Let's activate it.
[BEEPS.]
BOTH: Ooh! [CELL PHONE BEEPING.]
So, I'm not batting 1,000 today.
The kid just activated it.
But it's only set for one day, so it'll just delete October 31st.
- You know, for all eternity.
- Do you realize what this means? It's not that people decided to stop celebrating Halloween, we destroyed it by letting the time grenade fall into the hands of that child.
We've got to find him! It's okay, we've still got four minutes and 48, 47, 46 - It's counting down? - Yeah, just a little bit.
Don't worry, I know what the kid looks like.
He looks like a ghost carrying a little basket like this.
Ahem.
Okay, it's gonna be a little harder than I thought.
There.
Perfect! Now Hey, Zack, could you adjust your mirror so we can see where Wow.
Narrow road.
[SPEED-UP MUSIC.]
Oh, look at that! Ha.
The windshield wipers work.
[BOTH SCREAM.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
[LAUGHs.]
How is he doing this? I have no idea! This is against the laws of physics! I don't wanna get carsick right before I die.
You're not gonna die.
Just push the parachute button.
So there's a parachute button, but no engine? Yeah.
Who needs an engine when you're falling? I have no response to that.
[BUTTON BEEPS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Whoo! MORT: Okay, Chad, let's go over the Halloween party prep list one more time before the kids get here.
- Okay, go.
- Let's see.
Scary monster cutout.
- Check.
- Bean bag toss? - CHAD: Check.
- MORT: Table with eight, nine - Nine pieces of candy? Used to be ten? - [GULPS.]
Check.
- Apple bobbing bucket with no apples? - CHAD: Check.
Wow.
We really stink at planning parties.
- The kids are gonna be really disappointed.
- I don't know about you, but I'm gonna grab what's left of the candy.
[HEAVY THUD.]
Wow.
We survived.
Unless heaven looks like the floor of a movie theater.
- What? - Oh, hey, Mort.
Chad.
Wow.
Cosmic entrance, Milo! - We're here for the party.
- Where's the party? - Yeah, where's the big surprise? - CHILD 1: Hey! - CHILD 2: Awesome! - CHILD 3: Sweet! Huh? Huh? - I'm scared right now.
- Oh, I love being scared! This is gonna be great! Notice the awesome chiaroscuro on the mannequin with no head? And how about that expressionistic splatter effect? [CHILDREN CHEERING.]
Flabberknackers! Who knew it would be so much trouble rifling through kids' Halloween bags? Yeah, I thought it was supposed to be easy.
- Taking candy from a baby.
- I swear, Dakota, if I get punched in the face by one more disgruntled mother - You'll what? - Pout.
Come on, we still got one minute, it's gotta be around here somewhere.
Look at this thing.
I have no idea what house I got it from or what it is, or if it's even safe.
- But I activated it.
[BEEPING.]
- Oi, what's that noise? [GASPS.]
It's the time grenade.
It's right over there! - Quick, there's not a moment to lose! - I'm on it! [DISTORTED YELLING.]
- Wow, I really miscalculated that.
- Yes, what were you doing? Well, I was thinking I could dive.
It would make this big, dramatic ending to the - Time grenade.
- Oh, yeah.
I'll just take that.
- Hey! - Yeah, sorry, kid.
Here, candy.
- BOY: Awesome! - Disarm it! DAKOTA: I'm trying.
It's a four-step process.
- Well, hurry up! - It doesn't help when you yell.
Just change it to a day that's not Halloween! Yeah, okay, yeah.
December 25th.
- That's Christmas! - Uh, 24th! - Nothing in December! - Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I-I think this button will disarm it.
[BEEPS.]
Oh, no.
That was just the time-shift button.
We're in ancient Rome! I can see that.
Just three more steps.
- What have you been doing? - What? They're long steps, okay? [BEEPING.]
Wait, we're out of time.
She's gonna blow! What What day was it set for? Oh, it was set for February 29th.
- That's not a day anybody really needs.
- Huzzah! Plus, I had it one-quarter disarmed, so we'll still get one every four years.
Great Caesar's ghost! We just created leap year.
Great Caesar's what? Oh, nothing, nothing.
We were just leaving.
Toodle-oo.
Beware the Ides of March.
- That's my favorite holiday.
- Yeah, not for long.
[SCREAMS.]
- You were so terrified in there.
- Yes.
I was.
And it was awesome.
Wait a minute.
Where How did we get here? Funny story, actually.
[SCREAMS.]
Wait, Zack, I thought you left.
How did you get here? The scariest way possible.
With Milo.
I don't see what I was worried about.
Every day with Milo is a Halloween fright-fest.
- I'm glad you liked it.
- Well, Zack, I'm glad to see you've finally come around.
Yeah, I guess Halloween's still fun after all.
[GRUNTS.]
Milo! Where's my bike? [ALL SCREAM.]
- Huh.
Still not scared.
- Hey, son.
[SCREAMS.]
[CHUCKLING.]
Hey, that's a pretty good Halloween costume, Mr.
Underwood.
It's Halloween? [MUSIC.]
We're all livin' in it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go MILO: Oh, thanks, everybody! That is so motivational.
Go, Milo Go, Milo, go Whoa I'm not sitting here watching the world turn You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go It's my world and we're all livin' in it