Bewitched (1964) s01e36 Episode Script

- Darrin.
- I woke up.
- You all right? - I heard a sound and I woke up.
You sneezed.
That's ridiculous.
I never sneeze in my sleep.
It wakes me up.
What time is it? - A little after 3.
- Did you set it for 7? Yes, it's all set.
Now you better cover up and go back to sleep.
I gotta have a clear head tomorrow.
I gotta.
I've got some day.
Can I get you anything? Well, my stars, cousin Edgar.
You got it? Don't you think it's about time you began to materialise? I can't spend the entire morning talking to a cup.
Are you still bashful? Come on now.
Don't be silly.
All the way.
Well, now that's better.
It certainly is nice seeing you again, cousin Edgar.
I can't wait for you to meet my husband, Darrin.
Right now, he's taking a shower.
I hope you won't be hurt if I don't introduce you today.
You see, he has a very important meeting and he's very nervous.
And he's an absolute bear when he hasn't slept well.
You understand? If there's one thing that might give him a bit of a jar right now, it's an elf.
We'll have to sneak you up on him gradually.
Why don't you ease in for dinner tonight.
I want him to like you just as much as I do.
After all, you're the best bodyguard a young witch ever had.
Any time I was in trouble, there you were, my trusty little elf.
Come to think of it I don't remember seeing you unless I was in trouble.
So, what brings you here now? Edgar? Edgar? Oh, well.
See you tonight.
I don't believe it.
- Hi, sweet - Hi there.
- What happened? - I cut myself.
- Badly? - I'm afraid to move my head.
Oh, you better call the plumber, have him look at the bathroom pipes.
They on the fritz again? Boy, you make a hot cup of coffee.
Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry.
Are you all right? I don't know.
I've been like this ever since I got up.
I guess I'm nervous.
- The Shelley shoe account? - Yeah, big meeting this afternoon and I haven't got an idea in my body.
I better change these.
You'll think of something.
You always do.
I'd better.
Boston, Barton, Schulwiler and Froug are hovering like vultures.
- They want this account very badly.
- Well, don't let them get it.
- Larry will never forgive you.
- Worse than that, he'll probably cry.
Oh, I'm late.
I better leave.
I better change these first.
Wild slogans and puns.
That's all you've got.
"The sole of the shoe industry.
" "Shelley likes to play footsie with you.
" "We want you well heeled.
" No wonder you couldn't sleep last night.
All right, Larry.
All right, I admit it.
You've got me.
Maybe I was reaching just a little bit.
But there's still some They've got it for sure.
The account is as good as in Froug's pocket.
Snap out of it, Larry.
It won't help to go in with that attitude.
You don't know this guy Shelley.
He's a wealthy square.
He wears tailor-made stuffed shirts.
Any idea that's far-fetched or the least bit eccentric I know will go right out the window.
We've got to come up with some Did I say something funny? No.
No, I just had the oddest sensation.
You were saying, Larry? Well, one thing.
You're a pretty normal, presentable person.
You talk well, you dress well, you behave well.
I think that's in our favour.
- You all right? - Yeah.
I'm not just accident-prone.
It's got to be more than that.
Endora! If we can only come up with an exciting, brilliant, square idea I think we've got it licked.
Did you call me Endora? Why should I call you Endora? Listen, Larry, this may be the answer to all our problems.
Just a simple, eye-catching sketch.
Something like this.
You start out with this.
It goes Why? Why are you doing this to me? - Why am I doing this to you? - I didn't mean that.
Oh, well, perhaps you'd like me to apologise.
Larry, it's just charcoal.
It'll come right off.
Here, here.
Get up.
I can't seem to move my foot.
Try taking it out of my pocket.
I hope that's not a good suit.
Not anymore.
Hello? Your mother's destroying me.
What have I done to deserve it? Mother? My mother? That's the one.
I don't need help to lose the Shelley account.
I can do very well on my own.
I don't understand, Darrin.
What's she doing? She's making me look like a clumsy, bumbling idiot.
No, I'm not overtired.
You speak to her.
And be firm.
All right.
- You all right? - Sure.
- Mother.
- Yes.
I want a word with you.
Have you been bothering Darrin? - Who? - My husband.
Oh, that who.
Don't play innocent.
I want an explanation.
For what, dear? He says he's beginning to look like a clumsy, bumbling idiot.
I know what he looks like.
I just can't remember his name.
Did you or did you not go to Darrin's office for some reason? I'll be very honest.
I wouldn't go to his office for any reason.
I'm trying so hard not to upset him what with cousin Edgar coming and all.
Edgar? Cousin Edgar here? What's wrong? Don't be naive, Samantha.
Edgar must regard your marriage as a blot on the family name.
I just regard it as a blow against good sense.
- You don't think that he would? - Of course.
Isn't it divine, dear? It's terrible.
I'll have to do something to stop him.
Oh, I don't think you can.
A witch who's on the wagon is no match for an elf who's on the warpath.
If that won't put him to sleep, nothing will.
Oh, I feel like a traitor, Samantha.
I just can't bear to stay and watch.
- Thank you for your help, Mother.
- Call me Benedict Arnold.
Edgar.
I'll get Jim DeWitt to make the presentation.
Nobody can make a presentation like me.
Take the day off.
Catch up on your sleep.
I don't feel like sleeping.
Darrin, I can't risk it with you.
Larry, you can't risk it without me.
I remembered how much you like hot chocolate so I made some for both of us.
Here, sit down.
Oh, my.
I see so little of Darrin, it's nice to have company.
Oh, I remembered your favourite cookies too.
There you are.
Drink up, cousin Edgar.
You all right? Of course I'm all right.
Would you stop asking that? You're right.
If I had any sense, I wouldn't wanna know.
I wonder what keeps me in this business.
How come Froug's in on this meeting? That's the way Shelley wants it, both agencies represented.
Isn't that a bit unethical? Yes.
But Shelley has one redeeming feature.
He contributes huge sums of money to the advertising industry.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Mr.
Froug is here.
- Larry boy, how's the boy? - Freddy Froug.
Darrin, sweetheart, nice to see you.
Are you still married? Or are you happy? How are you, Fred? I'll tell you the honest truth.
I can't complain, kid.
Everything is top of the mast.
How is it with you and your shop? Pretty smooth.
You know.
Well, that's a nice change.
- I'm only kidding.
You know that.
- Sure.
Well, today's the big day, huh? Today we put wings on our airplanes and see how they fly.
Listen, Larry.
And I mean this in all sincerity.
May the best man win, kid.
You know what I mean? I mean, I mean that in all sincerity.
We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.
I wish you both luck.
Thank you, Fred.
Whatever you wish for me, I wish for you.
Well, slugger.
Aren't you gonna shake my hand? Oh, sure.
- Darrin! Easy does it.
- Up you go.
- You all right? - Where did you learn to fall like that? It's started.
It's started.
Why, hello, Mr.
Shelley.
I don't believe you've met.
Mr.
Shelley, this is my top creative man, Mr.
Stephens.
It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.
Sit right here.
May I assist you? Okay.
Thank you, young man.
- Are you all right? - All right, Endora, I know you're here.
You're not gonna get away with this! You won't get away with this.
Come out wherever you are.
I say, come out wherever you are! All right, Endora, I know you're here.
Sam? Sam? Sam, where are you? Honey, wake up.
I have something very serious to talk to you about.
Hi.
I hope your mother's proud of herself.
I hope she's good and satisfied.
- Sam.
- Yes, dear? I've had quite a day.
Have you been sleeping all afternoon? That's a fine attitude.
Just when I need you most, you couldn't care less.
You might be interested in knowing that the Shelley account just about went up in smoke.
Am I boring you? Oh, no, of course not.
But you are cranky.
What's the matter? What's the matter? I just finished telling you what's the matter.
We had to postpone the Shelley meeting until tomorrow.
Fortunately, he didn't like Froug's ideas either.
I've got one more chance.
Oh, well, that's good, darling.
I'm sure you'll think of something.
Sam, what is the matter with you? I don't know what's the matter with me.
But I'm all right now.
I don't understand.
Sam, what do you mean it's not Endora? - Now, darling, try to be calm.
- And who is cousin Edgar? - He's an elf.
- You're kidding.
No.
I'm afraid I'm very serious.
I've been a favourite of his for years and Well, I think he resents you.
- Why, for Pete's sake? - He's protecting me.
From what? He doesn't think I should be married to a mortal.
He doesn't understand how I can be happy.
- Are you happy? - Of course.
Well, then tell him.
Also tell him if I have one more mysterious accident I'll punch him right in - Has he got a nose? - Yes.
Nose.
Edgar, you stop it this instant.
Where is he? Where is he? I'll destroy him.
Where is he? Cousin Edgar? - Cousin Edgar! - Edgar.
Ed Edgar, you're behaving like a child.
Edgar, I'm not gonna stand for any more of your merry pranks.
You hear me? Now, look, sweetheart.
By some miracle, in a little while I'm gonna have to convince Shelley we're the only agency that understands him.
I love you.
And if your cousin Edgar doesn't understand that I may have to ask you to do something horrible to him like turn him into a human being.
Now, think about that for a while.
But, Darrin, your suit's stained.
It's all right.
It's a brown suit.
Edgar, could I see you for a moment? Your face.
Edgar, pull yourself together.
Now, about that hot chocolate.
Now, I know you think you're doing this for my own good, but you're not.
I love Darrin.
No use being upset about it, because that's the way I feel.
And for the first time in my life, I feel wonderful.
Now, that's how it is.
What makes Darrin happy makes me happy.
Now, if you were really concerned about my happiness you'd know I'm worried about that Shelley shoe account because it's important to Darrin.
Edgar, I know you're all broken up about it, but Edgar? Edgar, where are you going? Cousin Edgar? Today, things are gonna be different.
I've got some ideas that are gonna knock him right - Right out of his chair? Larry, if you let Jim DeWitt do this, you're committing suicide.
Darrin I wanna tell you something.
Darrin, I've been in this business a lot longer than you.
I know what the pressures are, what they can do to a man.
I may retire shortly myself.
I'm not firing you.
I just want you to take a few days' rest.
You'll come back a new man.
But I don't wanna come back a new man.
I like me as I am.
Why do you wanna do this? It's like being thrown from a horse.
If you don't leap right back in the saddle, you may never ride again.
Okay.
- Thanks, Larry, you'll never regret it.
- Darrin, I know I'll never regret it.
I think.
Dynamite, I tell you.
I had Fitzgibbins draw them up.
When you make him race his engine, he's the best artist on the staff.
Best artist in the whole darn world.
Present company excluded, of course.
Larry did you hear the door open? No.
- Are you? - No, no.
Forget it.
Forget it.
It's none of my business, Darrin, but have you been hitting the booze at all? - Just a little bracer.
- Unnerved to face Shelley? No, to face you.
Gentlemen, Mr.
Shelley's here.
Oh, good afternoon, sir.
It's a pleasure to Is this gonna be another one of those days? Come on, get up.
This is no time to play around.
- This is business.
- I don't understand.
- Now, if we can get on with this.
- Certainly, Mr.
Shelley.
Darrin.
May I help you? I don't know which one of you wants to go first.
I have some interesting sketches here, sir.
I'm sure you may remember I am definitely going to retire.
I know it's none of my business, but have you been hitting the booze at all? I'd like to know what's going on around here.
Dynamite.
I'm sure you'll agree, sir.
Wait till you see these sketches.
Now then, sir, here's a beauty.
Now, if you like that one, sir, wait till you see this one.
Is this your idea of a joke? Oh, no.
No, no.
It was Fitzbiggins No, no, I mean it was my l Sir, do you mind if I leave you for a minute? To be honest with you, I'm gonna be very much annoyed if you stay.
And I thought he was such a bright young man.
Darrin.
Hey, this is very clever.
The elves of a shoemaker, is that right? - Oh, yeah.
- I don't remember any This will have great appeal for the kids.
I like that.
Yes, I like that very much.
What? I can't get over the look on Shelley's face when he saw those sketches.
Oh, Darrin, I'm glad it all worked out.
Where's cousin Edgar now? - I think he's gone.
- Oh, yeah? - Well, that's what you wanted, isn't it? - Oh, yeah.
He at least could have said goodbye.
I'm glad to know you're not angry with him anymore.
Angry? For destroying my sleep and making me look like a lunatic for two days, why should I be angry? To tell the truth, I'm not angry.
I was getting kind of used to having the little guy around the house.
Sam.
Sam.
I knew you'd like each other if he snuck up on you gradually.
You know, I'm genuinely sorry to see him leave.
You mean you'd rather not be alone with me? I didn't mean that at all.