Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e36 Episode Script

- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THERE'S A RACE TO BE ON TOP
THE COMPETITION DOESN'T STOP
MIXING WITH THE LADIES FAIR
BEING CHARMING, DEBONAIR
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE AN ALIBI
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH OH OH
OH OH OH OH OH ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- GET READY TO EA
MY DUST, NUTMEG.
- OH, YEAH? YOUR CAR
COULDN'T BEAT EGGS.
- [CHEERING]
- IT'S A TIE!
- OK, NUTMEG. WHO'D YOU BRIBE?
I HAD YOU BEAT BY A MILE.
- OH, YEAH? I CAN BEAT YOU
ANY DAY OF THE WEEK.
- YOU COULDN'T BEAT MY DOG.
- HEH HEH HEH!
- OH, YEAH?
YOU COULDN'T BEAT MY CAT.
- WELL, YOUR CA
COULDN'T BEAT MY DOG.
- [GRR]
- WHY DON'T WE JUST SETTLE THIS
WITH ANOTHER RACE?
- NAH. I--I WOULDN'
WANT TO SHOW HIM UP
IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY.
BESIDES, IT'S GETTING LATE,
AND I WANT TO SEE
A COWBOY MOVIE THAT'S
ON IN A FEW MINUTES,
AND MY MOM'S
HAVING COMPANY OVER,
AND, UH
I HAVE TO TAKE THEIR COATS
AND MAYBE MAKE ICE CUBES, UH
SO I'LL SEE YA LATER.
- HEY, THAT'S TOO BAD
ABOUT THE ICE CUBES.
THEY OUGHT TO GO NICELY
WITH MUGSY'S COLD FEET.
- WHAT'S THA
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
- NOTHING. IT'S JUS
TOO BAD THEY COULDN'
RUN THAT RACE AGAIN.
WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE
TO SEE IGGY WIPE THE TRACK
WITH YOUR PEABRAINED OWNER.
- WHAT?!
- YOU HEARD IGGY.
EVEN I COULD BEAT MUGSY.
- OH, YEAH?
WELL, IF I HAD A CAR--
- SO BUILD ONE.
- WHAT?
- YOU BUILD A CAR,
I'LL BUILD A CAR.
WE'LL MEET HERE
TOMORROW AND RACE.
- WHAT'S THE ACTION?
- I UNDERSTAND YOU DOGS
ARE KIND OF USEFUL
FOR FETCHING NEWSPAPERS
AND SLIPPERS.
HOW ABOUT IF I WIN,
YOU BRING ME MY SLIPPERS?
AND A NEWSPAPER FOR A MONTH.
- HUH?
- WHAT IF I WIN?
- I'LL SCRATCH YOUR BACK
ANYTIME YOU WAN
FOR A MONTH.
- DID YOU HEAR THAT?
THEY'RE GOING TO RACE,
AND IF SPIKE WINS,
HEATHCLIFF HAS TO
SCRATCH HIS BACK.
- I LIKE TO HAVE
MY BACK SCRATCHED.
- BUT IF THE WINNER'S A CAT,
A PAPER AND SLIPPERS
ARE WHERE IT'S AT.
- I'D SURE LIKE SOME SLIPPERS.
- PUT THAT AWAY.
DON'T YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND?
IF WE WIN THAT RACE,
WE GET THE SCRATCH,
THE NEWSPAPER,
AND THE SLIPPERS.
- HEY, BUT WE CAN'T PLAY
'CAUSE RIFF RAFF'S AWAY.
- WHO NEEDS HIM?
WE'LL BUILD THE CAR.
- [HUMMING]
NOT BAD.
THIS SOAP BOX CAR
IS PROBABLY 10 YEARS AHEAD
OF ANYTHING ELSE ON THE HILL.
I'M GOING TO NEED
SOME MATERIALS, THOUGH.
BUT WHERE CAN I GE
A FRONT END LIKE THIS?
- HEH HEH HEH!
LET HEATHCLIFF WORK ALL DAY
AND ALL NIGHT ON HIS CAR.
I'M JUST GOING TO PAINT MUGSY'S
ANOTHER COLOR.
THAT DUMB CAT WILL NEVER
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
HEH HEH HEH!
- HEATHCLIFF,
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF.
DID YOU REALLY THINK
I'D FALL FOR THAT OLD TRICK?
YOU OUGHT TO KNOW BY NOW
THAT YOU'VE GOT TO GET UP
PRETTY EARLY
TO PUT ONE OVER ON ME.
YEP. I'M REAL DISAPPOINTED
IN YOU, HEATHCLIFF.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
SMARTER THAN THIS.
HUH? YEAH, I KNOW.
- WHEELS. I'VE GOT TO HAVE
REALLY GOOD WHEELS.
YUCK!
PERFECT!
- OH!
- WE GOT THE PARTS
FOR YOUR SUPER CART.
- DUH, YEAH.
LOTS OF GOODIES.
- WOW!
WHAT IS THIS FOR?
- DUH, THAT'S SO
YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS
WHEN YOU WIN THE RACE.
- HOW COME IT'S NOT TICKING?
- YOU CAN'T HEAR A THING
'CAUSE IT'S GOT A BROKEN SPRING.
- THEN WHAT GOOD IS IT?
- YOU'LL NEVER BE LATE.
- AND WHERE ON EARTH
DID YOU FIND THOSE?
- AT THE AIRPORT.
- IT ALMOST BROKE HIS BACK
WHEN HE COULDN'T FIND THE JACK.
- THEN HOW DID YOU
- WHEN THE PLANE LEFT THE STRIP,
IT WAS IN MUNGO'S GRIP.
- DUH, THEY PUT THOSE
SUCKERS ON REAL TIGHT, TOO.
- GREAT! BUT WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO WITH THEM?
IF I PUT THEM ON THE CART,
I'M GOING TO BE UP SO HIGH,
I'LL GET A NOSEBLEED.
- OOH.
- YUCK!
- YUCK!
- WE GOT TO GET SOME
BETTER MATERIAL.
- [SNORING]
- THAT'S PRIME LUMBER.
[CLUNK]
- HUH?
- UH, WH-WHAT?
- ROCK-A-BYE, SPIKEY
ON THE TREETOP
- [SNORING]
HUH? WHAT THE
- LOOKS GOOD, BUT WE
NEED SOME INSURANCE.
- [WOLF WHISTLES]
WHAT A BEAUTY!
AND A HEAVY ROPE FOR STEERING.
NOTHING CAN BEAT ME.
I'M DRIVING A TANK.
I'M BEAT. WHEW!
TIME TO HIT THE SACK.
[BLOWS KISS]
- SHH!
- LIKE, WHAT?
- HE SAID--
- SHH!
SHUT UP AND HAND ME THE TOOLS.
NO. WAIT!
[CRASH]
- I COULDN'T BE GLADDER.
HECTOR PUT UP A LADDER.
- YOU'RE ON MY HEAD, YOU IDIOT.
- OH, MUNGO, BUDDY, THIS AIN'
NO LADDER MADE OF WOOD.
IT'S HECTOR'S HEAD,
BUT IT'S JUST AS GOOD.
- THANKS, HECTOR.
- DON'T MENTION IT.
- [CHEERING]
- HEY, NICE CAR.
LOOKS A LOT LIKE MUGSY'S.
- ARE YOU CALLING ME A CHEATER?
- ME? NEVER.
MY CAR CAN BEAT ANYTHING.
- ANYTHING BU
THE HECTOR HURRICANE.
- HEH HEH HEH!
YEAH. IT LOOKS LIKE
A DOGHOUSE ON WHEELS.
- HA HA HA!
- THEY'RE GOING TO
START ANY SECOND.
- YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED,
HEATHCLIFF.
TIME TO GET MY PLAN GOING.
- WHAT THE--I BOLTED
THAT ON TIGHT.
- GREAT IDEA.
I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO THIS
FOR A LONG TIME.
- WHAT'S HAPPENING?
THIS CAR WAS A TANK!
- HEY, WORDSWORTH,
HEATHCLIFF'S CAR
IS COMING APART.
- YOU DUMB CAT, WE DID THAT.
- SO THAT'S IT.
I'VE BEEN SABOTAGED.
YOU GUYS BOTH CHEATED!
- SO WHAT?
- YEAH. WE'RE GOING TO
MAKE MINCEMEAT OUT OF YOU.
LET'S HIT HIM TOGETHER.
- HEY, NO FAIR!
- WHOA!
- AAH!
- [CHEERING]
- [HEATHCLIFF GIGGLING]
OH, BOY.
BAD DOG!
GOT TO KEEP THESE GUYS IN LINE.
HEE HEE HEE!
- AHH, THE PERFECT PLACE.
YEP. NOBODY'S GOING TO
BELIEVE IT.
IT'S SO SIMPLE.
- HUH?
- DUH, WHAT'S LEROY UP TO?
- SO SIMPLE!
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
AND NOBODY EVER THOUGHT OF I
BEFORE BUT ME. ME! ME!
HA HA HA!
- WHAT IS HE DOING?
- HE'S THINKING, MAN.
MAKING A PLAN.
- THEY'LL CALL ME A GENIUS.
HA HA HA!
I'LL BE GREAT!
I'LL BE WORLD-FAMOUS!
I'LL BE A LEGEND
IN MY OWN TIME.
- UH-OH. LEROY'S GOT ANOTHER ONE
OF HIS DOGBRAINED IDEAS.
- HE'S UP TO SOMETHING.
- HE'S TOO MUCH OF A CLOWN
TO GET DOWN.
- WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE
IT IS THIS TIME?
- HA HA HA! OH! HA HA!
YES. RIGHT HERE.
- DOGS. THEY LOVE TO DIG.
- THE TRAP.
ALMOST READY.
- SOMETIMES I FEEL
SORRY FOR LEROY,
BUT NOT THAT SORRY.
- HA HA HA!
THE BAIT.
THEY'LL BE SORRY,
AND I'LL BE FAMOUS.
- HEY, LEROY.
WHAT'S THIS?
- PROMISE YOU WON'T TELL?
- WE PROMISE.
- IT'S MY GREATES
INVENTION SO FAR.
IT'S A MOUSETRAP.
- A MOUSETRAP?
- RIGHT.
"BUILD A BETTER MOUSETRAP,
AND THE WORLD WILL BEA
A PATH TO YOUR DOOR."
- WELL, NOW, LEROY,
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH A DOG CATCHING MICE,
BUT MICE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN
IN OUR DEPARTMENT.
- YOU CATS THINK
YOU'RE EXPERTS, HUH?
WELL, JUST HIDE AND WATCH,
AND I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.
SEE? WHAT DID I
TELL YOU? MICE.
- IS THAT CHEESE UP THERE?
- SEE? THEY'RE THINKING
ABOUT THAT CHEESE.
- CHEESE? IN A TREE?
- AND WHILE THEY'RE
THINKING ABOUT IT,
ALL I GOT TO DO IS
CHASE THEM UP THE TREE.
- DUH, CHASE MICE?
UP THE TREE?
- IT'S A REAL, UH,
DOGLIKE IDEA, LEROY.
- SO INGENIOUS.
SO GRAND.
- NOW, BE QUIET.
JUST WATCH THIS.
[BARKING]
- [LAUGHING]
- GOTCHA. YOU'RE OU
ON A LIMB TRAP.
- THANKS FOR THE CHEESE.
NYUK NYUK NYUK!
- AAH!
[CRASH]
- SO YOU'RE GOING TO PROVE DOGS
ARE BETTER THAN CATS, EH?
- [SNICKERING]
- HO HO HO!
- YEAH. WHERE ARE
THE MICE, LEROY?
- GO AHEAD. LAUGH.
BUT WHEN I'M FAMOUS,
THEN WE'LL SEE WHO LAUGHS.
- FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED,
TRY, TRY AGAIN.
- YOU'LL SEE THIS TIME.
- HEY. MORE CHEESE.
- YEAH. ANOTHER FREE MEAL.
- [BARKING]
GOTCHA!
- IT'S TIME FOR
OUR TIGHTROPE ACT.
- GET OFF OF OUR ROOF!
- HA HA HA HA!
- NOT MORE CHEESE?
- WE'RE GOING TO GET FAT.
NYUK NYUK NYUK!
- [LEROY BARKING]
- WHERE'S THE DOG?
HE'S LATE.
NYUK NYUK NYUK!
- ALMOST FINISHED
WITH THE CHEESE.
- LOOK UP THERE.
- GOTCHA!
YOU WON'T GET AWAY THIS TIME.
WHOA!
- NEED SOME HELP, LEROY?
- YEAH, BUT IT'S MY MOUSETRAP.
YOU GOT TO LET ME
CATCH THE MICE.
- YOU GOT IT.
WE'LL LET LEROY CATCH THE MICE.
RIGHT, GUYS?
- [LAUGHING]
- THE MICE ARE FULL
OF CHEESE, ANYWAY.
- RIGHT. CATS ONLY USE CHEESE
AS A LAST RESORT.
- US CATS, WE FOOL THE MICE.
THEN--HA HA HA!--
WE GIVE IT TO 'EM.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?
WHAT ABOUT THE WORLD
BEATING A PATH TO MY DOOR?
ME, A LEGEND IN MY OWN TIME.
- YOU WILL BE A LEGEND, LEROY.
ALL WE DO IS
BRING THE MICE IN,
AND YOU CATCH THEM.
- YOU SEE, LEROY?
I KNOW WHAT MICE WANT.
THEY WAN
ENTERTAINMENT, COMPANIONSHIP,
ROMANCE.
THEY WANT A GIRL MOUSE.
SHOWTIME!
OOH, LA, LA. YOO-HOO!
[LAUGHING]
- WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
LULU'S BACK IN TOWN.
- LULU?
- HIYA THERE, BOYS.
- YOU'RE SO GORGEOUS,
SO BEAUTIFUL.
- TOO BEAUTIFUL TO BE REAL.
- I'M SO THRILLED
TO SEE YOU ALL TONIGHT.
- WHOOPEE!
I LOVE YOU.
[WOLF WHISTLES]
- HE ALWAYS WAS A SUCKER
FOR A PRETTY FACE.
LOOK OUT!
IT'S A TRICK!
- HEH HEH HEH!
- JUST WHAT I THOUGHT--A PHONY.
- HEH HEH HEH!
FOOLED YOU,
AND CAUGHT YOU, TOO.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT HIM?
- HIM? I'LL CATCH HIM, TOO.
- GRAB HIM, LEROY!
HE'S FAST.
HA HA HA!
- CHEER UP, OLD BOY.
MUNGO KNOWS WHAT MICE WANT.
- MOUSIELAND.
- WHOO!
- LOOK! IT'S HIM AGAIN.
- GOTCHA!
OH, NO!
- HEY, DOG, WHOSE SIDE
ARE YOU ON, ANYWAY?
- AAH!
- [CATS LAUGHING]
- YOU CAN'T TRUST THOSE CATS.
- FROM NOW ON, WE GOT TO
WORK TOGETHER.
- THIS TIME, LEROY,
WE THINK BIG.
SEE THAT UP THERE?
WE HOOK THE GIANT NE
TO THOSE PULLEYS.
WHEN THE MICE GE
IN THE NET, SNATCHO!
THEY'RE NOT GOING TO
STEAL THIS CHEESE.
AND NOW, MY SECRET WEAPON--
THE DECOY.
THERE'S NO ESCAPE.
- HUH?
IT'S QUIET OUT THERE,
RIFF RAFF.
- YEAH. TOO QUIET.
- YEAH.
[YAWNS]
- WE'VE BEEN WAITING HERE
A LONG TIME.
WHERE ARE THOSE MICE, ANYWAY?
- [MICE WHISPERING]
- I THOUGHT YOU CATS
KNEW HOW TO FOOL MICE.
WHERE'S YOUR MOUSE PSYCHOLOGY?
YOU SAID YOU KNEW HOW
TO THINK LIKE MICE.
WHERE'S YOUR TRICKS NOW?
- WE GOT OTHER TRICKS
UP OUR SLEEVE, HAVEN'T WE, GUYS?
COME ON.
WE GOT TO CATCH THOSE MICE,
OR ELSE WE RUIN OUR REPUTATION.
BE PROUD.
REMEMBER, WE'RE CATS.
- CATS DRESSED UP LIKE MICE.
- NOW, MEN, ACT MOUSIE.
- MMM. GOOD.
- YUMMY. YUMMY.
- MMM. YUM.
GOOD CHEESE HERE.
- NOW IS OUR CHANCE.
- WAIT HERE.
- GOTCHA!
- RIFF RAFF, LOOK WHAT YOU DONE.
- [MICE LAUGHING]
- HEY, WE DID IT, DIDN'T WE?
WE BUILT A BETTER MOUSETRAP.
- YEP. AND THE WORLD HAS
BEAT A PATH TO MY DOOR.
- COME ON, BOY.
FETCH THE STICK.
HE LOVES TO PLAY WITH HIS BALL.
IF YOU NOTICE YOUR POOCH
HAS NO ENERGY
AND DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY,
IT MIGHT BE GETTING SICK.
A DRY NOSE AND APPETITE LOSS
ARE OTHER SIGNS.
SO THE BEST THING TO DO
IS TAKE THE POOCH TO THE VET.
YOU'LL BOTH FEEL BETTER.
- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE AN ALIBI
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU