Craig of the Creek (2017) s01e37 Episode Script
Dibs Court
Who's gonna be around,
never gonna let you down ♪
When you're on a wild ride?
Your friends are
always by your side ♪
It's Craig of the Creek,
he's gonna save the day ♪
It's Craig of the Creek,
he's gonna save the day ♪
It's Craig of the Creek
I can't believe someone would
just leave these bricks
in a parking lot.
We could build
a whole new addition
to the stump with these!
Uh, excuse me?
Hmm? Oh, hey.
Hyah!
All right, intruder!
Who are you, and where
did you get that tome?
The door says keep out!
Actually, it says,
"Keep out, J.P.,"
and my name is Richard,
so it doesn't apply to me.
You'd know that if you took
the time to read the fine print.
I'll read the fine print
in your obituary!
What she means is you're not
supposed to be in here,
since this is
our secret hangout spot.
Well, clearly,
it's not secret,
and it's not your spot.
It's mine.
Wha--
Wha-- Wha--
Um, Richard,
all this is our stuff.
This is clearly
our "the stump."
Uh, no, it's not.
I called dibs.
-Huh?
-Nobody was here,
so I called dibs.
It's mine.
[ Scoffs ]
There's no way that's right!
Mark: Oh, yeah,
he's absolutely right!
Wha--
Wha-- Wha--
Dibs, or "minesies,"
as it's known
in parts
of Western Pennsylvania,
is an ancient decree
of ownership.
If a person encounters an object
with no owner,
they may claim said item
by calling dibs.
That's no fair!
We hang out at the stump
every day!
It's like our home away
from home!
Did you call dibs on it?
We didn't even know dibs
was a thing!
I'm sorry, but without proof
of dibship, nothing can be done.
The stump belongs
to this kid.
Get your feet off my table!
Told ya.
There has to be another way
to prove it's our spot!
Well, if you truly believe
the dibs is rightfully yours,
you could always invoke
Dibs Court.
[ Both gasp ]
I'll do whatever it takes.
David, get my robe!
♪♪
All right. All rise for
the lawful-neutral Judge Mark.
♪♪
Ahem.
We are here today
to address who has rightful dibs
on the stump,
this kid, or --
I want to say Issac?
Wait, are you serious?
Uh, I know you --
Let the trial begin!
[ Straining ]
David. David.
C-Come on.
[ Both grunt ]
Whoa!
Dibs Court is in session.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Me and my friends
have been hanging out
at the stump our entire lives,
since a few years ago.
I've collected
this pack of evidence
to support our case
and prove
that we are the rightful
inhabitants of the stump.
Could you identify
the evidence for the court?
And for me? It's really hard
to see from up here.
I don't know why I chose
to sit up so high.
Sure, Your Honor.
A penny loafer, size 5.
I'm certain I'm the only one
at the creek with a size 5.
I leave it at the stump
in case I lose my shoes.
A candid photo of me, pulling up
my pants by the stump.
It's dated for last October.
Blueprints of the stump,
which include our trapdoor,
our chairlift,
and a dog on a skateboard
from when I thought my parents
were going to get me a dog.
Our house got
a fooseball table instead.
It was still pretty great,
until I broke it.
I'd like to see
those blueprints, bailiff.
[ Panting ]
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
All right. Take it back.
[ Panting ]
Wait, wait.
I want to see it again.
Huh.
Okay. Take it back.
Your Honor, do those blueprints
say anything about dibs?
Uh, no?
I called dibs.
-[ Gasps ]
-Whoa.
-Can't argue with that.
-It's true. He called dibs.
Hmm.
I'd like to bring
an expert witness
to the stand.
Can you please state
your name and credentials?
John Paul [Clears throat]
saliva specialist.
Now, in your examination
of the stump in question,
did you discover any traces
of saliva?
Yes, precisely.
Every inch of that stump
showed signs of residual spit.
And to whom
did the spit belong?
Me, 'cause I licked
all that stuff.
[ All groaning ]
[ Chuckles ]
I'm sure you did.
Now, I'm certainly
no spit scientist.
How does you licking a tree
have anything to do with dibs?
Well, historically, licking is
another way to show ownership.
Take this cookie,
for example.
Whom does it belong to?
Well, that cookie
could belong to anyone.
Precisely.
Now this cookie
is all mine.
[ All groaning ]
Now it's mine,
just like the stump,
'cause I called dibs.
[ Whispering ]
You're a monster.
Ugh, that kid is gross.
Barry, let the record show
that I said that kid is gross.
-Uh, what?
-You're supposed to be keeping
a record of the proceedings.
Read it back.
Uh, I've been talking
to my girlfriend.
Read it back.
[ Sighs ] I'm going to need
to pull out all the stops.
I want to call
a surprise witness.
"No, I love you more."
-Surprise!
-Surprise!
Oh, wow.
What a nice surprise.
All right.
Now I've got to swear you in.
♪♪
-Nose knows?
-Nose knows.
Okay.
You're safe for now.
You swear to tell
the whole truth
and, like,
not leave stuff out?
-Please?
-With my life.
Kelsey, would you please state
your name for the court?
I am Kelsey,
armed destroyer,
celebrated knight,
and first of her name.
All right. We get it. You're
very cool. Now, hurry it up.
Kelsey, armed destroyer,
what does the stump mean to you?
Well, any stupid head
would know
the stump is our
base of operations.
The stump is our fortress.
It's our place to read
or our place to be alone.
I guess now that I think of it,
the stump is where
I've always gone
if I needed to let myself
be angry
or sad.
But the stump has always
been there for us.
It's our home at the creek,
and I love it!
-Aw.
-Aw.
No further questions.
I've got a question.
Did you call dibs?
Uh, no?
I called dibs.
It's still true.
He called dibs.
Can't argue
with that, either.
[ Screaming ]
Order. Order!
Settle down!
Ugh. Your Honor,
can we take a break?
We shall have a short recess.
Recess!
[ Sighs ]
There's no way we can win.
This dibs stuff
doesn't make any sense.
I mean, if you called dibs
on the whole creek,
does that mean
you'd own the whole creek?
Of course not.
No one can own the creek.
Wait.
-Maybe that's it.
-Okay. Ready?
Everybody, look.
I'm going to do a flip.
I'm going to do a back flip.
Okay. Stop looking.
Recess is over.
Time for closing arguments.
Your Honor, members of the jury,
and the rest,
I ask you,
can you call dibs on the wind?
Can you call dibs on the water?
Can you call dibs on fun?
No.
And so I say to you that you
cannot call dibs on the creek.
Because what makes the creek,
the creek,
is that it's for everyone.
If someone called dibs
on the trading tree,
we'd have no place
to eat snacks.
If someone called dibs
on the sewer,
the sewer kids would have
no place to hide from the sun.
And if someone called dibs
on Elder Rock,
the elders would have nowhere
to argue about anime.
Elder Rock is more than that.
The creek shares itself
with all of us,
and we should all share
the creek with each other,
without dibs.
[ All whimpering ]
-[ Crying ]
-Well said, Carl.
All right.
What do you got, other kid?
♪♪
I called dibs.
-Dib's a dib.
-I was crying,
but I can't argue with that.[ All speak indistinctly ]
Welp, little kids
of the jury,
are you ready
to make a decision?
What?
What, are you shy?
Okay, you want
to whisper it to me
or something?
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
That's not where
I would've landed, but okay.
The stump in question
that we are arguing about today,
it goes
to Richard!
[ All gasp ]
We -- We lost.
No. It can't end here.
Your Honor, there has to be
another way.
Well, you could always
challenge him in
Dibs Coliseum.
Dibs Coliseum?
Dibs Coliseum![ Air horn blows ]
[ Crowd cheering ]
There is only one rule
for Dibs Coliseum!
First to fall will lose it all!
♪♪
Barry, light the fire.
-[ Chanting ] Dibs! Dibs! Dibs!
-[ Chanting ] Dibs! Dibs! Dibs!
-Dibs! Dibs! Dibs!
-Dibs! Dibs! Dibs!
We want blood!
-Dibs! Dibs!
-Dibs! Dibs!
[ All gasp ]
This is wrong.
The creek is supposed
to bring kids together,
not make us fight each other
and set things on fire.
Look, I don't like you,
but I'm not going to sink
to your level.
The stump is yours.
-Boo!
-Boo!
Ugh.
Barry, put the fire out.
Uh, how?
♪♪
[ Sighs ]
Well, that's
the last of it.
I'm really going to miss
this place.
Don't look at me!
Shh, shh, shh.
It's okay, buddy.
I'm crying, too.
Here.
These are the keys.
They don't go to anything,
but we like to keep them
around anyways.
Just promise me you'll take
care of this place, okay?
It meant a lot to us.
Ugh.
Whatever, man!
Stop trying
to guilt-trip me.
I just called dibs
on some busted old tree!
It's not like, uh, like
your name is on it or anything.
[ Gasps ]
"Keep out, J.P."
Yep, this follows the Finder's
Keepers Ruling of 1986.
I, the Honorable Mark,
declare the one known as J.P.
to be the true owner
of the stump.
[ All chatter excitedly ]
Ugh, fine.
I didn't want to hang out
underground like a bug anyway.
I think I'll go call dibs
on that big rock from earlier.
Wait a sec.
That's our spot!
[ Grunting ]
My pauldrons.
Somebody call David
and tell him to call dibs.
[ Sighs ]
Home sweet home away from home.
You know,
now that I own the stump,
it's probably about time
for me to learn
what's in this secret room.
Huh.
If you really want to know,
just try and open it.
Or, y-you know what?
I-I think -- I think I'm good.
When it's time to go to bed
I know
I don't have to feel alone ♪
'Cause I'll see you tomorrow
never gonna let you down ♪
When you're on a wild ride?
Your friends are
always by your side ♪
It's Craig of the Creek,
he's gonna save the day ♪
It's Craig of the Creek,
he's gonna save the day ♪
It's Craig of the Creek
I can't believe someone would
just leave these bricks
in a parking lot.
We could build
a whole new addition
to the stump with these!
Uh, excuse me?
Hmm? Oh, hey.
Hyah!
All right, intruder!
Who are you, and where
did you get that tome?
The door says keep out!
Actually, it says,
"Keep out, J.P.,"
and my name is Richard,
so it doesn't apply to me.
You'd know that if you took
the time to read the fine print.
I'll read the fine print
in your obituary!
What she means is you're not
supposed to be in here,
since this is
our secret hangout spot.
Well, clearly,
it's not secret,
and it's not your spot.
It's mine.
Wha--
Wha-- Wha--
Um, Richard,
all this is our stuff.
This is clearly
our "the stump."
Uh, no, it's not.
I called dibs.
-Huh?
-Nobody was here,
so I called dibs.
It's mine.
[ Scoffs ]
There's no way that's right!
Mark: Oh, yeah,
he's absolutely right!
Wha--
Wha-- Wha--
Dibs, or "minesies,"
as it's known
in parts
of Western Pennsylvania,
is an ancient decree
of ownership.
If a person encounters an object
with no owner,
they may claim said item
by calling dibs.
That's no fair!
We hang out at the stump
every day!
It's like our home away
from home!
Did you call dibs on it?
We didn't even know dibs
was a thing!
I'm sorry, but without proof
of dibship, nothing can be done.
The stump belongs
to this kid.
Get your feet off my table!
Told ya.
There has to be another way
to prove it's our spot!
Well, if you truly believe
the dibs is rightfully yours,
you could always invoke
Dibs Court.
[ Both gasp ]
I'll do whatever it takes.
David, get my robe!
♪♪
All right. All rise for
the lawful-neutral Judge Mark.
♪♪
Ahem.
We are here today
to address who has rightful dibs
on the stump,
this kid, or --
I want to say Issac?
Wait, are you serious?
Uh, I know you --
Let the trial begin!
[ Straining ]
David. David.
C-Come on.
[ Both grunt ]
Whoa!
Dibs Court is in session.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Me and my friends
have been hanging out
at the stump our entire lives,
since a few years ago.
I've collected
this pack of evidence
to support our case
and prove
that we are the rightful
inhabitants of the stump.
Could you identify
the evidence for the court?
And for me? It's really hard
to see from up here.
I don't know why I chose
to sit up so high.
Sure, Your Honor.
A penny loafer, size 5.
I'm certain I'm the only one
at the creek with a size 5.
I leave it at the stump
in case I lose my shoes.
A candid photo of me, pulling up
my pants by the stump.
It's dated for last October.
Blueprints of the stump,
which include our trapdoor,
our chairlift,
and a dog on a skateboard
from when I thought my parents
were going to get me a dog.
Our house got
a fooseball table instead.
It was still pretty great,
until I broke it.
I'd like to see
those blueprints, bailiff.
[ Panting ]
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
All right. Take it back.
[ Panting ]
Wait, wait.
I want to see it again.
Huh.
Okay. Take it back.
Your Honor, do those blueprints
say anything about dibs?
Uh, no?
I called dibs.
-[ Gasps ]
-Whoa.
-Can't argue with that.
-It's true. He called dibs.
Hmm.
I'd like to bring
an expert witness
to the stand.
Can you please state
your name and credentials?
John Paul [Clears throat]
saliva specialist.
Now, in your examination
of the stump in question,
did you discover any traces
of saliva?
Yes, precisely.
Every inch of that stump
showed signs of residual spit.
And to whom
did the spit belong?
Me, 'cause I licked
all that stuff.
[ All groaning ]
[ Chuckles ]
I'm sure you did.
Now, I'm certainly
no spit scientist.
How does you licking a tree
have anything to do with dibs?
Well, historically, licking is
another way to show ownership.
Take this cookie,
for example.
Whom does it belong to?
Well, that cookie
could belong to anyone.
Precisely.
Now this cookie
is all mine.
[ All groaning ]
Now it's mine,
just like the stump,
'cause I called dibs.
[ Whispering ]
You're a monster.
Ugh, that kid is gross.
Barry, let the record show
that I said that kid is gross.
-Uh, what?
-You're supposed to be keeping
a record of the proceedings.
Read it back.
Uh, I've been talking
to my girlfriend.
Read it back.
[ Sighs ] I'm going to need
to pull out all the stops.
I want to call
a surprise witness.
"No, I love you more."
-Surprise!
-Surprise!
Oh, wow.
What a nice surprise.
All right.
Now I've got to swear you in.
♪♪
-Nose knows?
-Nose knows.
Okay.
You're safe for now.
You swear to tell
the whole truth
and, like,
not leave stuff out?
-Please?
-With my life.
Kelsey, would you please state
your name for the court?
I am Kelsey,
armed destroyer,
celebrated knight,
and first of her name.
All right. We get it. You're
very cool. Now, hurry it up.
Kelsey, armed destroyer,
what does the stump mean to you?
Well, any stupid head
would know
the stump is our
base of operations.
The stump is our fortress.
It's our place to read
or our place to be alone.
I guess now that I think of it,
the stump is where
I've always gone
if I needed to let myself
be angry
or sad.
But the stump has always
been there for us.
It's our home at the creek,
and I love it!
-Aw.
-Aw.
No further questions.
I've got a question.
Did you call dibs?
Uh, no?
I called dibs.
It's still true.
He called dibs.
Can't argue
with that, either.
[ Screaming ]
Order. Order!
Settle down!
Ugh. Your Honor,
can we take a break?
We shall have a short recess.
Recess!
[ Sighs ]
There's no way we can win.
This dibs stuff
doesn't make any sense.
I mean, if you called dibs
on the whole creek,
does that mean
you'd own the whole creek?
Of course not.
No one can own the creek.
Wait.
-Maybe that's it.
-Okay. Ready?
Everybody, look.
I'm going to do a flip.
I'm going to do a back flip.
Okay. Stop looking.
Recess is over.
Time for closing arguments.
Your Honor, members of the jury,
and the rest,
I ask you,
can you call dibs on the wind?
Can you call dibs on the water?
Can you call dibs on fun?
No.
And so I say to you that you
cannot call dibs on the creek.
Because what makes the creek,
the creek,
is that it's for everyone.
If someone called dibs
on the trading tree,
we'd have no place
to eat snacks.
If someone called dibs
on the sewer,
the sewer kids would have
no place to hide from the sun.
And if someone called dibs
on Elder Rock,
the elders would have nowhere
to argue about anime.
Elder Rock is more than that.
The creek shares itself
with all of us,
and we should all share
the creek with each other,
without dibs.
[ All whimpering ]
-[ Crying ]
-Well said, Carl.
All right.
What do you got, other kid?
♪♪
I called dibs.
-Dib's a dib.
-I was crying,
but I can't argue with that.[ All speak indistinctly ]
Welp, little kids
of the jury,
are you ready
to make a decision?
What?
What, are you shy?
Okay, you want
to whisper it to me
or something?
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
That's not where
I would've landed, but okay.
The stump in question
that we are arguing about today,
it goes
to Richard!
[ All gasp ]
We -- We lost.
No. It can't end here.
Your Honor, there has to be
another way.
Well, you could always
challenge him in
Dibs Coliseum.
Dibs Coliseum?
Dibs Coliseum![ Air horn blows ]
[ Crowd cheering ]
There is only one rule
for Dibs Coliseum!
First to fall will lose it all!
♪♪
Barry, light the fire.
-[ Chanting ] Dibs! Dibs! Dibs!
-[ Chanting ] Dibs! Dibs! Dibs!
-Dibs! Dibs! Dibs!
-Dibs! Dibs! Dibs!
We want blood!
-Dibs! Dibs!
-Dibs! Dibs!
[ All gasp ]
This is wrong.
The creek is supposed
to bring kids together,
not make us fight each other
and set things on fire.
Look, I don't like you,
but I'm not going to sink
to your level.
The stump is yours.
-Boo!
-Boo!
Ugh.
Barry, put the fire out.
Uh, how?
♪♪
[ Sighs ]
Well, that's
the last of it.
I'm really going to miss
this place.
Don't look at me!
Shh, shh, shh.
It's okay, buddy.
I'm crying, too.
Here.
These are the keys.
They don't go to anything,
but we like to keep them
around anyways.
Just promise me you'll take
care of this place, okay?
It meant a lot to us.
Ugh.
Whatever, man!
Stop trying
to guilt-trip me.
I just called dibs
on some busted old tree!
It's not like, uh, like
your name is on it or anything.
[ Gasps ]
"Keep out, J.P."
Yep, this follows the Finder's
Keepers Ruling of 1986.
I, the Honorable Mark,
declare the one known as J.P.
to be the true owner
of the stump.
[ All chatter excitedly ]
Ugh, fine.
I didn't want to hang out
underground like a bug anyway.
I think I'll go call dibs
on that big rock from earlier.
Wait a sec.
That's our spot!
[ Grunting ]
My pauldrons.
Somebody call David
and tell him to call dibs.
[ Sighs ]
Home sweet home away from home.
You know,
now that I own the stump,
it's probably about time
for me to learn
what's in this secret room.
Huh.
If you really want to know,
just try and open it.
Or, y-you know what?
I-I think -- I think I'm good.
When it's time to go to bed
I know
I don't have to feel alone ♪
'Cause I'll see you tomorrow