Clarence US (2014) s01e38 Episode Script
Hoofin' It
1 [remote clicks.]
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Birds chirping.]
[Indistinct chatter.]
[Evil laughter.]
Come on.
Let's go kill him.
Come on.
Let's go.
[Indistinct muttering.]
Aah! [chuckles.]
Looks like old Clarence got himself in a heap of trouble.
Why, hello there! [Chuckles.]
Just catching up on my stories.
Why don't you join me? You're probably wondering how old Clarence got in this mess in the first place.
Well, you're in luck 'cause I'm gonna tell you.
But let's start at the start.
Clarence: [sobbing.]
And And they make her run, and she's just too old and just grabbing at her little hooves.
They shouldn't do that to an old lady.
Sh-Sh-She gets s-so scared! [Sobbing.]
Okay, okay, buddy.
Calm down before your face cries off.
I know, I just get so, so sad! [Sobbing.]
Clarence, you need to calm down.
The pig race is an Aberdale tradition.
I don't even think pigs have feelings.
Her name is Butterscotch, and she does too have feelings! How'd you like it if How'd you like it if you were old and just made to run around and just getting all chased and covered in mud and everybody's just chasing you and [Muffled sobbing.]
All right, all right.
Easy, boy.
Yeah, all of thems chasing that old pig around is messed up.
So, what you want to do about it? Well, um, we could, um we should What if we make a sign that says "pig race canceled" and tape it up? No one comes.
Were good.
You're kidding, right? Yeah, or or how about we dress her like like a baby and we can roll her out in a stroller and no one will notice and we could ride on the stroller and Yeah, sure, or how about we dress you up like a pig.
That's it! We'll swap out Butterscotch for me.
[Laughs.]
[Sighs.]
Guys, it was a joke.
Come on, Jeff! Let's go! [Imitating pig noises.]
Butterscotch.
[Gasps.]
Poor thing.
She's all cramped up in there.
[Butterscotch snoring.]
[Grunts.]
She's even more beautiful than the picture.
[Snoring.]
[Grunting.]
Come on, Butterscotch.
Come on.
You're free! [Farts.]
Uh, she isn't very motivated.
Just give her a smack on the old bacon butt.
- That'll get her moving.
- No, Sumo, she's a delicate lady.
We have to be gentle.
[Squeals.]
[Groans.]
[Snorts.]
[Grunts.]
[Squeals.]
Ah! All right, that's it! No, Sumo! She's delicate! Do you want to save her or not? Come here, little lady.
That's a good Aah! Oh! Ow! [Squealing.]
[Thud!.]
Don't worry, buddy.
She'll be fine once she wakes up.
But when she does wake up, she's going to run right back to the barn.
We've got to find a place to hide her till after the race, some place she'll stay put.
[Strained grunting.]
All right, easy now.
Easy.
- Ah! - Okay, bye, Jeff.
Good luck.
[Muffled.]
What are you talking about? Am I supposed to stay here all night? [humming.]
[Giggles.]
Aww.
So, what should I do if someone catches me? Um, I'll catch you.
I've done this kind of thing before.
Turn around.
[Sproing!.]
Oh! - Looking good, buddy.
- Okay, I'm going in.
Clarence, you don't have to do this.
Yes, Sumo.
Yes, I do.
Okay, see you at the big race.
Wait, that doesn't mean you have to go.
We can hang out.
There once was a little boy, his name starts with "C," [Door opens.]
and Clarence is me Seabass: Butterscotch Cooter: Here, piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy.
Remember us? Whoa, she got really big.
Let me see! Wow! [Chuckles.]
Catching her this year's gonna be easier than ever.
Sooo-eee! [Laughs.]
Save it for the race.
Come on.
Let's go steal some eggs.
[Evil laughter.]
[Butterscotch snoring.]
[Laughs.]
Yeah, looks like that Jeff's in for a long, cold night.
Now, where was I? [Cheering.]
Dillis, no! Oh.
Donna-Joe: Good morning, Aberdale! And welcome to the 35th Annual Aberdale Pig Race! Looks like our contestants are gathering up now.
- Shoot.
- I'm Jonna-Doe Judley here telling y'all to get ready to yell "Sooo-eee" 'cause it's racing time! All: Sooo-weee! First prize is looking real good this year.
A family-size barrel of processed meats good until September.
Pow-pow-pow.
Pow-pow, pow-pow-pow.
Well, well, who do we have here? Haven't seen you around, Sumo.
Where you been? [Laughs.]
- School? - You stink like books.
Don't you have a wedding to attend or something? Not today.
My wedding's tomorrow.
In the meantime, we've got a pig to catch.
I bet Butterscotch will look good in white.
- What'd you say? - Huh, what? Blahhh! Whoo-wheee! Let's get rolling! Randall, grease up that pig! Randall, no! I'm already greased up And remember, y'all no forks, sporks, ropes, or nets.
Got to catch that pig with your bare hands.
[Laughs, snorts.]
Y'all ready? Say sooo-eee! All: Sooo-eee! On your marks [Growls.]
get set, go, go, go! [Horn blares.]
Whoo-whee! Whoa! And we got Tammy-Ray running close alongside doogan.
Oh, Cooter and Bubba have slipped up all in that mud.
And here comes Willy Johnson.
But, oh, just inches away.
- Get him! - Go! Get him! She may be big, but that's one fast pig.
The runners look like they have her surrounded.
Aah! That is one greasy pig! Sumo and Cooter are neck and neck! [Panting.]
Oh, what's this? Looks like old Butterscotch has broken out of the pen! [Laughs.]
Oh, no! This race is like a bucket of crickets on Sunday! What you folks just sitting around there for? Get on out there! It's a free-for-all! [Excited chatter.]
You sure are lucky that's not you out there, Butterscotch! [Squeals.]
Butterscotch! [Birds chirping.]
[Crowd shouting.]
[Snorting.]
[Grunting.]
[Panting.]
Come on! It's time to get [Panting.]
[Indistinct chatter.]
Oh, there! [Panting.]
Whoa! [Panting.]
Oh, man.
[Indistinct shouting.]
Clarence? Hey, Clarence, where you at, buddy? Clarence: Sumo.
I'm over here, buddy.
That you, buddy? Ha! I knew you were up to something.
[Sniffs.]
Whoo! Seabass, I smell her! Ah! Sooo-eee! I found her! [Laughs.]
Hey, guys, this is all just a terrible misunderstanding.
Looks like we got ourselves a talking pig, Cooter.
Think you're fancy, don't you, pig? Well, we don't like no fancy pigs.
That's right.
You tell him, Seabass.
Don't worry, Clarence, I'm com Whoa! Ooh! [Indistinct shouting.]
Aah! Oof! Ow! - He ain't Butterscotch.
- That pig is a boy.
I reckon that boy's a pig.
All right, what'd you do with Butterscotch? - And this one's in cahoots.
- Oh! Now how about you tell us where Butterscotch is.
All: We want Butterscotch! We want Butterscotch! [Squealing.]
[Muffled scream.]
It's Butterscotch! [Indistinct shouting.]
[Humming.]
# the American dream # the stars and stripes [Crowd shouting indistinctly.]
[Squealing.]
[Snoring.]
Well, looks like we have ourselves a winner! I admire your technique.
Come and collect your barrel of meat.
What you talking about, Donna-Joe? Far as I could tell, that pig caught him.
Th-Th-This ain't fair! That meat belongs to me! Everybody, riot! Aah! Aaaah! we're the best at what we do Hey, Jeff, things are getting ugly.
Come on, Butterscotch, let's get out of here.
when everything's a barbecue? So go big or go home [Panting, grunting.]
Aaaah! [Clears throat.]
Okay.
Wow.
And just gonna skip ahead.
[Chuckles.]
Oh my.
Whoa, geez! That's, uh Uh, uh, Damien, we can't show this to kids.
[Beep.]
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Birds chirping.]
[Indistinct chatter.]
[Evil laughter.]
Come on.
Let's go kill him.
Come on.
Let's go.
[Indistinct muttering.]
Aah! [chuckles.]
Looks like old Clarence got himself in a heap of trouble.
Why, hello there! [Chuckles.]
Just catching up on my stories.
Why don't you join me? You're probably wondering how old Clarence got in this mess in the first place.
Well, you're in luck 'cause I'm gonna tell you.
But let's start at the start.
Clarence: [sobbing.]
And And they make her run, and she's just too old and just grabbing at her little hooves.
They shouldn't do that to an old lady.
Sh-Sh-She gets s-so scared! [Sobbing.]
Okay, okay, buddy.
Calm down before your face cries off.
I know, I just get so, so sad! [Sobbing.]
Clarence, you need to calm down.
The pig race is an Aberdale tradition.
I don't even think pigs have feelings.
Her name is Butterscotch, and she does too have feelings! How'd you like it if How'd you like it if you were old and just made to run around and just getting all chased and covered in mud and everybody's just chasing you and [Muffled sobbing.]
All right, all right.
Easy, boy.
Yeah, all of thems chasing that old pig around is messed up.
So, what you want to do about it? Well, um, we could, um we should What if we make a sign that says "pig race canceled" and tape it up? No one comes.
Were good.
You're kidding, right? Yeah, or or how about we dress her like like a baby and we can roll her out in a stroller and no one will notice and we could ride on the stroller and Yeah, sure, or how about we dress you up like a pig.
That's it! We'll swap out Butterscotch for me.
[Laughs.]
[Sighs.]
Guys, it was a joke.
Come on, Jeff! Let's go! [Imitating pig noises.]
Butterscotch.
[Gasps.]
Poor thing.
She's all cramped up in there.
[Butterscotch snoring.]
[Grunts.]
She's even more beautiful than the picture.
[Snoring.]
[Grunting.]
Come on, Butterscotch.
Come on.
You're free! [Farts.]
Uh, she isn't very motivated.
Just give her a smack on the old bacon butt.
- That'll get her moving.
- No, Sumo, she's a delicate lady.
We have to be gentle.
[Squeals.]
[Groans.]
[Snorts.]
[Grunts.]
[Squeals.]
Ah! All right, that's it! No, Sumo! She's delicate! Do you want to save her or not? Come here, little lady.
That's a good Aah! Oh! Ow! [Squealing.]
[Thud!.]
Don't worry, buddy.
She'll be fine once she wakes up.
But when she does wake up, she's going to run right back to the barn.
We've got to find a place to hide her till after the race, some place she'll stay put.
[Strained grunting.]
All right, easy now.
Easy.
- Ah! - Okay, bye, Jeff.
Good luck.
[Muffled.]
What are you talking about? Am I supposed to stay here all night? [humming.]
[Giggles.]
Aww.
So, what should I do if someone catches me? Um, I'll catch you.
I've done this kind of thing before.
Turn around.
[Sproing!.]
Oh! - Looking good, buddy.
- Okay, I'm going in.
Clarence, you don't have to do this.
Yes, Sumo.
Yes, I do.
Okay, see you at the big race.
Wait, that doesn't mean you have to go.
We can hang out.
There once was a little boy, his name starts with "C," [Door opens.]
and Clarence is me Seabass: Butterscotch Cooter: Here, piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy.
Remember us? Whoa, she got really big.
Let me see! Wow! [Chuckles.]
Catching her this year's gonna be easier than ever.
Sooo-eee! [Laughs.]
Save it for the race.
Come on.
Let's go steal some eggs.
[Evil laughter.]
[Butterscotch snoring.]
[Laughs.]
Yeah, looks like that Jeff's in for a long, cold night.
Now, where was I? [Cheering.]
Dillis, no! Oh.
Donna-Joe: Good morning, Aberdale! And welcome to the 35th Annual Aberdale Pig Race! Looks like our contestants are gathering up now.
- Shoot.
- I'm Jonna-Doe Judley here telling y'all to get ready to yell "Sooo-eee" 'cause it's racing time! All: Sooo-weee! First prize is looking real good this year.
A family-size barrel of processed meats good until September.
Pow-pow-pow.
Pow-pow, pow-pow-pow.
Well, well, who do we have here? Haven't seen you around, Sumo.
Where you been? [Laughs.]
- School? - You stink like books.
Don't you have a wedding to attend or something? Not today.
My wedding's tomorrow.
In the meantime, we've got a pig to catch.
I bet Butterscotch will look good in white.
- What'd you say? - Huh, what? Blahhh! Whoo-wheee! Let's get rolling! Randall, grease up that pig! Randall, no! I'm already greased up And remember, y'all no forks, sporks, ropes, or nets.
Got to catch that pig with your bare hands.
[Laughs, snorts.]
Y'all ready? Say sooo-eee! All: Sooo-eee! On your marks [Growls.]
get set, go, go, go! [Horn blares.]
Whoo-whee! Whoa! And we got Tammy-Ray running close alongside doogan.
Oh, Cooter and Bubba have slipped up all in that mud.
And here comes Willy Johnson.
But, oh, just inches away.
- Get him! - Go! Get him! She may be big, but that's one fast pig.
The runners look like they have her surrounded.
Aah! That is one greasy pig! Sumo and Cooter are neck and neck! [Panting.]
Oh, what's this? Looks like old Butterscotch has broken out of the pen! [Laughs.]
Oh, no! This race is like a bucket of crickets on Sunday! What you folks just sitting around there for? Get on out there! It's a free-for-all! [Excited chatter.]
You sure are lucky that's not you out there, Butterscotch! [Squeals.]
Butterscotch! [Birds chirping.]
[Crowd shouting.]
[Snorting.]
[Grunting.]
[Panting.]
Come on! It's time to get [Panting.]
[Indistinct chatter.]
Oh, there! [Panting.]
Whoa! [Panting.]
Oh, man.
[Indistinct shouting.]
Clarence? Hey, Clarence, where you at, buddy? Clarence: Sumo.
I'm over here, buddy.
That you, buddy? Ha! I knew you were up to something.
[Sniffs.]
Whoo! Seabass, I smell her! Ah! Sooo-eee! I found her! [Laughs.]
Hey, guys, this is all just a terrible misunderstanding.
Looks like we got ourselves a talking pig, Cooter.
Think you're fancy, don't you, pig? Well, we don't like no fancy pigs.
That's right.
You tell him, Seabass.
Don't worry, Clarence, I'm com Whoa! Ooh! [Indistinct shouting.]
Aah! Oof! Ow! - He ain't Butterscotch.
- That pig is a boy.
I reckon that boy's a pig.
All right, what'd you do with Butterscotch? - And this one's in cahoots.
- Oh! Now how about you tell us where Butterscotch is.
All: We want Butterscotch! We want Butterscotch! [Squealing.]
[Muffled scream.]
It's Butterscotch! [Indistinct shouting.]
[Humming.]
# the American dream # the stars and stripes [Crowd shouting indistinctly.]
[Squealing.]
[Snoring.]
Well, looks like we have ourselves a winner! I admire your technique.
Come and collect your barrel of meat.
What you talking about, Donna-Joe? Far as I could tell, that pig caught him.
Th-Th-This ain't fair! That meat belongs to me! Everybody, riot! Aah! Aaaah! we're the best at what we do Hey, Jeff, things are getting ugly.
Come on, Butterscotch, let's get out of here.
when everything's a barbecue? So go big or go home [Panting, grunting.]
Aaaah! [Clears throat.]
Okay.
Wow.
And just gonna skip ahead.
[Chuckles.]
Oh my.
Whoa, geez! That's, uh Uh, uh, Damien, we can't show this to kids.
[Beep.]