Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e38 Episode Script

# Daring duck of mystery Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes But his number's up # Darkwing Duck When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing, Darkwing Duck # Cloud of smoke and he appears # Master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind that shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure But bad guys are out of luck # 'Cause here comes - # Darkwing Duck - # Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out, you bad boys # Darkwing Duck # [snoring.]
[glass breaks.]
[snores, whistles.]
[explosion.]
Oh, Darkwing.
It's you.
For a second I thought Hey! What are you doing with? Stop him! Stop him! Darkwing Duck robbed the bank! Hey! Darkwing Duck stole my girl! Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Darkwing Duck steals all my papers.
[cackles.]
That should keep my goody-two-shoe look-alike busy.
OK, maybe pretending to be Darkwing Duck is a rotten trick.
But, then I'm Negaduck.
A rotten kind of guy.
[cackling.]
Oh, Darkwing Duck, how can I ever thank you? No need.
After all, it was merely another heroic rescue by St.
Canard's favorite hero.
Uh, but, uh, next time your cat gets stuck in a tree, just borrow a ladder, why don't you? Um, [giggles.]
did I mention that Princess hates being held by strangers? [uses baby talk.]
Ooh, is that true, pretty Princess? [man.]
Hey! That looks like Darkwing Duck.
Well, no doubt it's yet another branch of my fan club, begging for autographed photos.
OK, one photo per customer.
[angry shouting.]
OK, two per customer.
Three? Ten! Fifty? Take 'em all! [panting.]
I don't get it.
Why does everyone want to kill me? Tonight's special report: Darkwing Duck, evil lunatic or crazed villain? [scoffs.]
Evil lunatic or crazed Crazed villain?! That's right, villain, Darkwing Duck has finally crossed over into the world of crime, He's sought by authorities for crimes too numerous to list, but including arson, burglary, hijacking, kidnapping, cat-kicking, insider trading and spitting on the sidewalk, No wonder the mayor's offered a reward - of one million dollars! - [bell clanging.]
Impossible! That's ridiculous! I'm worth ten million, at least.
[man.]
Hey, it's Darkwing Duck.
[angry murmuring.]
I knew I should've voted for gun control.
[gunshots.]
Why have you sent for to see me, Director Hooter.
Agent Grizzlicoff, we must find Darkwing Duck before [door opens.]
- [sizzling.]
- Ouch.
The million bugs will be mine! That's bucks, million bucks.
[gasps.]
Agent Grizzlicoff, release Darkwing at once.
He is innocent of all wrongdoing.
How are you knowing this, sir? He is knowing, because my strength of character is too great.
He is knowing because my moral fiber is too tough.
I know because you were playing Parcheesi with me when the crimes took place.
Oh, well, that, too, yeah.
Now then, since the entire city thinks you are a criminal, you'll need some sort of disguise.
And that's where Dr.
Sarah Bellum's new molecular-morphic disguiser ray comes in.
It can completely alter anyone's appearance.
[Darkwing grunting.]
Ah, duck is looking same stupid as like before.
Oh, well.
At least he didn't explode like all the others.
Look, he is having contraption.
What you are staring at? I am having foods in teeth? Are you all right, Darkwing? Why you are calling me by name of that little head Darkwing, sir? Well, I I must've nodded off.
I dreamt I was Grizzlicoff.
Yuck! - Blah! - That was no dream, Darkwing.
Apparently this ray does more than just change your appearance.
You actually were Grizzlicoff, or a reasonable facsimile.
Oh, I smell Nobel.
Dr.
Bellum, perhaps you'd better zap Darkwing back to normal, before he changes again.
Oh, all right.
Uh-oh.
What do you mean "uh-oh?" [Sarah.]
Don't worry, Darkwing [both.]
I'll have it fixed in two shakes.
[both.]
Let go of that wire, you twit.
[both.]
Well, there goes my Nobel prize.
Whoo! Dr.
Bellum, I was you, wasn't I? Indeed.
You seem to turn into whomever you're looking at.
So now what do I do? Well, you could wear this blindfold.
Gee, Dad, can you turn into anything? I mean, could you turn into a radioactive alien slug zombie? No.
It has to be something I'm looking at.
Uh, gee, DW, maybe you should wear a blindfold.
I'm not wearing a blindfold, and I'm not waiting around for Dr.
Bellum to fix that ray.
I'm going to explain to the police that it's Negaduck committing the crimes.
[shouts.]
[brakes screeching.]
[all shouting.]
[both groaning.]
Oh, gee, where's DW? [gasps.]
Oh, no.
My dad's a Chihuahua.
[panting, barking.]
- [barking.]
- We better stop him.
I don't think DW's had all his shots.
Hey! Hey, where are you going? - [Gos.]
Come, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
- [Launchpad.]
Here, boy! Here, DW.
No.
[Negaduck.]
Oh, man, this is better than I planned.
Darkwing Duck wanted dead or alive.
And there's a million dollar reward to boot.
[laughs.]
Now I can crush that do-gooder.
And get paid for it.
Littering, Negaduck? There's a heavy fine for that, you know.
- So? - [gurgles.]
Let 'em take it out of my reward money.
Shh! The baby is sleeping.
Sorry, ma'am.
- Oh.
- [Negaduck coos.]
[groans.]
What happened to you? [laughs.]
Who cares what happened? I've still got him.
[man.]
Hey! It's Darkwing Duck.
Oh, no, you don't.
I found him, he's mine.
Ah, thought you'd fool us with that stupid yellow suit, didn't ya? Darkwing, unhand that baby now.
Huh? Oh, no.
You don't understand.
I'm not Darkwing, he's Darkwing.
[baby talk.]
[nervous chuckle.]
- [mob murmuring.]
- No, really.
It's all just a big [babbles.]
[babbling.]
[baby talk.]
million bucks.
Hey, stop.
Will you cut that out? Oh! These wanted posters are everywhere.
Why, it's outrageous, it's criminal, it's not a bad likeness, actually.
A-ha! - [tires squealing.]
- [Darkwing.]
Negaduck! [both grunting, mumbling.]
[gasps.]
How do you do that? [Negaduck screaming.]
[screaming.]
You can stop screaming.
My Darkwing chute will save us.
I'll just attach it to the bike, and presto! OK, you can start screaming again.
This is terrible.
What if my dad is stuck being a dog forever? Well, um, I guess we could put in a doggie door.
Gosalyn, Launchpad, what's going on here? You talked! Finally, it must be wearing off.
Dad! You're not a dog.
Whew! That's a relief.
Now I can have these Canine Crunchies all to myself.
Which reminds me, Gosalyn, what are you doing with a? Hey, I'm twins.
Anyone for a little house hockey? Check it out! Whoa! Goal! Wow, that was my ricochet rocket bank shot! The one that got me barred from the local ice rink.
I was you? Oh, boy.
- Now where are you going? - I'm going to change.
Oh, no.
Not again.
[Darkwing.]
I mean I'm going to change my clothes.
There.
How do I look? Just like your wanted poster.
Thanks for reminding me.
Oh! Just knowing that the city thinks I'm a common criminal makes me feel so so Say, it makes me feel so hungry.
Hey, me, too! - Hungry for - [both.]
Hamburger Hippo! # Hey hey hey when you're hungry don't be a dipp-o # Truck on down to the sign of the hippo Hey hey # [whistle blowing.]
Excuse me for interrupting, but I want my regular dad back! [chuckles.]
No prob, Gos.
I'll find DW.
After all, I am his sidekick.
No, wait! Don't take the Thunderquack.
You might hurt somebody.
Well, then, let's see if I were DW, where would I be? Yipe! What am I doing here? I don't know how to fly! Let's see.
If I were Darkwing where would I be? Bingo! OK, Darkwing, come to papa.
Dad! Are you OK? Well, aside from sustaining massive internal injuries in a plane crash, and being chased by the army, the navy, and a troop of Girl Scouts with pinking shears, yeah, I'm, uh, just peachy.
Whew! We thought you mighta been hurt.
[laughs.]
Hurt? Me? Ha! Oh, what's the use? Every time I think I'm about to catch Negaduck, boing! I turn into something awful.
I might as well just give up.
You can't do that, DW.
Yeah, you've gotta find Negaduck and prove you're innocent.
How can I find him? Who knows where he'll strike next.
I bet he does.
Of course! Why didn't I think of that? - [crashing.]
- Here we go.
All I have to do is keep looking at this mug shot and the next time I change, I'll become Negaduck.
Then I'll know exactly where he is.
Whoa! Nice timing, DW.
[cackling.]
Somehow I don't think this was one of Dad's better ideas.
[beeping.]
Hello, Darkwing, Good news, I fixed the ray, Darkwing won't be needing any ray.
He'll need an ambulance! And now wanna play moth-in-the-flame, snookums? [cackling.]
Relax.
This'll be just like barbequing hot dogs.
Only you'll be the weenies.
[both yelling.]
[both groaning.]
[cackling.]
You're not getting off the hook that easy.
Blast it.
Now where'd they go? Bah! Those two aren't worth the trouble.
Besides, I've got bigger fish to fry.
Come on, Launchpad.
We'd better find Dr.
Bellum so she can turn Dad back to normal.
[panting.]
Yeah, but how are we ever gonna find DW? Oh, I think we'll be able to pick up his trail.
Meanwhile, tonight's top story, the Darkwing crisis, day one, Darkwing Duck has crossed over into a world of crime, Police are still in need of a break, A break? Ha! When I catch the little Pollyanna, I'll break every little bone in his body twice.
[shouts.]
I am never using a junky fish cannery for a hideout again! Although I do like the rotten smell.
So, disguising yourself as me, eh, Darkwing? - It'll never work.
- What? You're Darkwing disguised as me! [both.]
Ooh, there ain't enough room in this town for the both of me.
I'll mash ya.
Oh, yeah? Well, I'll mash ya, smash ya and trash ya.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah! Oh, yeah? Yeah! Yeah! Ha! A-ha! Ha, ha, ha! [Gosalyn.]
Stop! Dr.
Bellum, what are you waiting for? Zap him! Uh, which "him" do I zap? Oh, well.
Eenie-meenie-miney zap.
Duck flambé.
Whew! Picked the wrong duck, did we, Bellum? Blast it, Darkwing.
I'm a doctor, not a duck picker.
Hey, it's my favorite canned fish mascot, Wacky Mackerel.
# When your quack is less than quackerel # When your Jill has lost her Jackerel # When you crave a little snackerel # Why not eat some fish? # You're not tap dancing your way out of this one, Negaduck.
[grunts.]
Come on, let's move it! Who is this pushy kid? [both grunting.]
Hi-yah! Ow! Had enough, Negaduck? You know you can't beat me in a fair fight.
So, who fights fair? [moans.]
Wait a minute, maybe I can use this boinging to my advantage.
Arr! Watch it, matey.
Ahoy, it's chow time.
Yeow! Ouch! Ow! Arr! Come back here! Avast there, matey.
What did you do with me lobster? Yipe! Here, give me that ray.
Don't worry, Dad, I'll help.
Gosalyn, no! Keen gear! Cool ray gun.
Ooh! That's right, little Miss Darkwing.
Looks like it's time for a little dock hockey.
Nice try, squirt.
Uh-oh.
[babbling.]
Goal! Yahoo! The old ricochet rocket bank shot gets them every time.
Oh, no.
Now what did I do? Never fear.
Once again, Darkwing Duck, that paragon of law and order, triumphs.
[sirens.]
The cops! - Hold it right there, Darkwing.
- Ah, so glad to see you, Officer.
I've got your public enemy number one right here.
Behold, my costume and my devilish double, - Negaduck.
- Oh.
How can we make it up to you, Darkwing? Ah, forget it, boys.
Right now I've got to make sure this ray doesn't fall into the wrong hands.
- [all.]
Wow! - Uh-oh.
[all.]
I am the terror that flaps in the night.
Oh, boy.
[all.]
Let's get dangerous.
[groans.]