Wishbone (1995) s01e39 Episode Script

What's the story, Wishbone?
What's this your dreaming of?
Such big imagination
on such a little part.
What's the story, Wishbone?
Do you think it's worth a look?
It kind of seems familiar
like a story from a book.
Shake a leg now, Wishbone.
Let's wag another time.
Tell, sniffing out adventure
with Wishphone on the trail.
Come on, Wishbone.
What's the story, Wishbone?
Watch the story Wishbone.
Watch the story, Wishbone.
Watch the story, Wishbone.
Watch the story, Wishbone.
Watch the story, Wishbone.
Oh, this is so funny.
Wanda, where did you find all of these?
Oh, in my attic.
I used to love collecting band magazines.
Okay, you crazy kids.
I hate to break up the party,
but it's time to feed the dog.
Oh, those are funny.
Oh, Ellen.
Look at this.
Remember?
Davy Jones.
Davy Jones!
Wow!
Uh, never heard of him.
Hey, Mom.
Hi, Miss Gilmore.
Hi, guys.
Oh, hi, guys.
How much school today?
Great.
Oh, um, Joe, something
can't be in the mail today.
It looks kind of official.
Official?
Has my license been revoked?
Mom.
Yeah?
You're not going to believe this.
What is it?
You remember that contest
to find the new Mr.
Mr. McPooch to be on the
new national TV commercial?
Oh, I love the Mr. McPooch commercial.
You know, the one with the bagpipes.
Brum, boom, Mr. McPooch!
Uh-huh.
What?
Oh!
What happened?
Yeah, what happened?
Wishbone's a finalist.
No.
Joe, that's great!
Do you mean to tell me
that I may be looking at
The next, Mr. McPooch?
No, Wanda. He's on television.
A bona fide celebrity.
Ah, bona fide, I get it.
Nice pun, David, but I'm still wishbone.
That's Mr. McPooch.
Is this what you call
a mistaken identity?
It just might be.
But you know what? It feels pretty good.
The Russian author Nikolai Gogol
wrote a great play
about mistaken identity.
It's the comedy, the inspiration.
General, and it was
first produced in 1836.
The play has been produced
all over the world,
including the Moscow
Art Theater of Russia.
The actors of this production
work together as an ensemble,
each one as important as the next.
As they say in theater, there are
no small parts, only small actors.
The actor playing Ossip in
this production isn't small,
he's just a little on the short side.
Ossip is the servant of Klastikov.
Klastikov is the lowly
government clerk, who is
for the important Inspector General.
The play takes place in a rushing
village in the time of the Zahars.
The officials of this village
haven't been very honest,
so they have good reason to fear the
investigations of an Inspector General.
Now sit back and watch.
After all, plays are meant to be seen.
Gentlemen,
As your mayor, I've brought
you here this evening
to inform you of a most
unpleasant bit of news.
There's an Inspector
General on his way here.
An Inspector General?
An Inspector General?
Can you be quite serious?
An Inspector General, Your Honor?
Straight from the Capitol
and traveling in Cognito.
He pretends to be a private individual.
I advise you to take certain precautions,
for he may arrive at any moment.
This situation is an extraordinary one.
Simply extraordinary.
There's a motive here.
One of a political nature.
Never mind politics.
We must look sharp.
All of us for this official in disguise.
I hereby decree that bribery must cease.
Until further notice.
And for you, my postmaster!
Any information concerning this
inspector general is invaluable.
I must be invaluable.
authorize you, for the good of the town,
to examine every piece of mail,
incoming and outgoing.
No need to authorize, Mayor.
I've been reading
people's mail for years.
You learned so much.
Did I ever tell you about
the young lieutenant
and his wild weakened in Kiev?
This is hardly the time!
My concern is this blasted incarbito,
I expect the door to fly open any minute.
Something extraordinary has happened.
Something utterly unexpected.
What is it?
Well, we went to the hotel.
Peter Ivanovich and I went to the hotel.
Allow me to tell Peter Ivanovich.
We went to the hotel.
You're ruining the story.
Allow me.
Allow me.
Allow me.
Allow me.
I insist upon order.
First you, Peter Ivanovich, Jobchinsky.
Then you, Peter Avanovich Bobchinski.
Well, when we went to the
hotel, we observed a man in
civilian.
clothes. He had the air of a
man from the capital about him.
So when the proprietor told us
that he was a government official,
I said, ah.
It was I who said, ah.
It was I.
It was I.
It was I.
It was I.
Very well, you both said, ah.
The important thing is you have found
the Inspector General.
Gentlemen!
To the hotel.
Oh, this is a dog's life.
I remained loyal to a master who
squanders all his money on gambling.
The servant of a lowly
clerk is bound to go hungry.
Ah, there you are.
Ossip, as your distinguished
and esteemed master,
I order you to go to go to go to you.
to the kitchen and have my lunch sent up.
Forget it.
How dare you refuse?
You haven't paid our
bill in over three weeks.
Has it been that long?
I don't believe you.
It's been that long the owner's
planning on giving us the boot.
Haven't these people heard of credit?
Oh, please, or sip?
Please.
No.
But I'm hungry.
Quiet!
There's someone approaching.
This could be our eviction notice.
It is our eviction notice.
It is clear, gentlemen, that
we stand before greatness.
I, I
I
My deepest respects.
Your Excellency?
His Excellency?
Uh
Charmed.
I'm sure.
Oh.
Oh.
Holy St. Petersburg.
Oh.
Hmm.
Hey, Knuckles.
How you doing?
I had it go in there.
Yeah.
Rough crowd, huh?
Joe Talbot and Wishbone.
You're next.
Looks like we're up, Wishbone.
Let's just hope they see
how specially you are.
Don't worry, Joe, you can count on me.
I'll knock them dead.
Just let me warm up.
La la la la.
Look cute.
And you are?
Joe. Joe Talbot.
And this is
Wishbone. He's my doc.
Hello.
Welcome, welcome, welcome, Joan.
I'm Seymour LeVista, and I'm
leading the search for the new Mr.
McPooch, and I'll be directing our
new star in the new commercial.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
And how are you today, Fishbone?
Excuse me?
That's Wishbone, Mr. La Vista.
Of course, of course, of
course. Well, down to business.
Okay, Joe, we're on!
I like your dog's looks.
You have fine taste, Mr. LeVista.
Now,
Now I must determine
if your dog has all the
extraordinary qualities of a Mr. McPooge.
Come on, hit me with your best shot!
Now, tell me Joe Talbot.
Is your dog classy?
Oh, you want classy? You got it.
Classy.
Oh, yeah. He's classy all right.
No, no, no, no, no, no, you must
tell me, Joe Talbot, is your dog
Perky, perky, perky, perky, perky, perky.
Very good. But prove to
me that it's also quirky.
Quarky is as quirky does, sir.
People are as quirky does, sir.
You always say he's quirky.
Ever seen one of these?
Whoa!
Wanna see another one?
And now for the big finish!
Whatta!
Ha ha! Ha ha!
Well, what do you think?
Joe Talbot, your dog is brilliant.
Yes!
He's spectacular.
Yes!
Your dog is everything
we need in a Mr. McPush.
Yes, yes, yes! I'm everything they want.
Everything they need!
Love you, Seymour!
And I turned to the French
ambassador and I said,
St. Petersburg may be lovely, Monsieur,
but Paris is
Manifique.
Something's amiss here.
So worldly.
Yes, so worldly.
And extremely distinguished.
Yes, extremely.
They treat my master like a man of great.
rank.
A gentleman of such talent needs no luck.
You haven't seen him play cards.
Ah!
May I make so bold as to present my
family, my wife, and my daughter.
It is a great pleasure
to meet such a personage.
Mine is the pleasure.
How could that possibly be?
You are from the capital.
I live in the backwoods.
Of course, I'm used to living in society,
comprehend, you.
But standing here with you
constitutes true happiness.
Mama, Mom, introduce me.
Not now, daughter.
His Excellency and I
are presently engaged.
What is His Excellency's official rank?
Is it General?
His rank?
Is he kidding?
He's
He's not a general, sir.
He's a generalissimo!
Bye!
Oops!
Attend to the victim, daughter.
Your Excellency, you have grace
our presence as no one has before.
Yes.
I must formally request
that you honor our humble
home as your residence during your visit.
A free place to stay?
I should be delighted.
Me too.
See where my natural
charms have landed us?
I'm a real somebody to them.
Oh, sure.
A somebody else.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
What have we gotten ourselves into?
On.
Any news?
Oh, Wanda.
No, they're not home yet.
It's not home yet.
It's hard to believe, Ellen.
but this could be the
bowl of a major new star.
Let me take it, Ellen.
Please, for my mantle.
Wanda!
Oh, Joe!
How to go?
You're looking at the new Mr. McPooch.
What's she doing with my bowl?
Wanda, are you okay?
I am great. I gotta go, though.
The McPooch Fan Club has a new
President. See ya. Mr. McPooch?
Way to go!
The cute dog stuff works every time.
I'm really psyched. I
gotta tell Sam and David.
Later on, McPooch.
What's with the Mr.
McPooch? I'm still Wishbone.
You know me, don't you, Ellen?
Oh, I'll admit it.
It's kind of thrilling to
share a house with Mr. McPooch.
It's Wishbone.
It's Wishbone.
This is so exciting.
All right, Mr. Le Vista,
I'm ready for my close-up.
Lights! Camera!
Wanda!
Wanda!
Welcome, welcome, welcome,
Joe Talbot and friends.
Good morning, Mr. Lewis.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Hello, see one of Mr. Hello,
nice to have you with this.
Hello, nice to meet you.
People, people, people,
your attention, please.
Our star has arrived.
I'd always heard that
every dog has his day.
Chop, chop now, everyone now, we
must start rehearsal immediately.
Now, Renada will be
taking care of his makeup.
Makeup.
And Stefano will be handling the costume.
Costume?
What kind of a dog wears a costume?
Well, whether or not I
deserve star treatment.
I'm getting it.
And it's really feeling funny.
Oh.
It's really very unusual the
way these people treat me.
I mean, I understand their
natural awe in my presence.
But really, Osip, they've
now begun to give me money.
Mysterious indeed!
These people must be blind.
I'd like to see how far
my charms can take me.
The daughter is approaching.
Hide.
Mm-hmm.
Ah.
This ought to be good.
What is for?
What is for?
frightened you so, my dear.
I wasn't frightened, Your Excellency.
I only fear I've intruded
on important matters.
What important matters could
compare with your eyes?
You talk just the way
they do in the Capitol.
I'm sure I must be going.
No. Stay.
And understand
I love you.
Love!
I know no such thing!
You must consider me some
sort of country girl.
Forgive me.
But I am consumed with love.
Pure, unfettered love.
What sort of behavior is this?
This show just got better.
Mama!
Ouch, daughter!
Ouch, I say!
I must confess my astonishment!
Oh, madam!
Can't you see?
I'm in love.
Really, Your Excellency?
Please get up.
The floor is so dusty.
But I am consumed with passion.
For you?
For me.
But you must understand, Your Excellency.
I am, in a sort of way, married.
Love knows no such distinctions.
Oh.
Mama, Papa said
Oh!
What's got into you?
You're like a child.
Really, Mom? I had no idea.
So I beg of you.
Do not oppose our well-being.
So it's she whom you
Decide? Do I live?
Or die.
And you ran in here, scream.
And you ran in here, scream.
It would serve you right if
I refused His Excellency.
But I cannot.
Let us go plan the wedding.
Oh!
Ah!
So, what do you think of your master now?
That was.
That was quite a performance.
Quiet, quiet, quiet.
We're set to begin shooting.
This is the exciting part.
Dancers ready.
Roll camera.
And
Action!
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
Pooch comes down the ramp.
I can't believe it.
I'm wearing a dress.
And he comes down the ramp.
I'm wearing a dress.
Uh, Joe, I think there's a problem.
Cut, cut, cut.
Problem? We rehearsed this, Joe Talbot.
I'm sorry, Mr. LeVista. He's just
Mac Pooch. He's a Scottish
dog. He wears a kilt.
Come on, Wishbone. You can do this.
I can't believe I let
you talk me into this.
All right.
The sooner we do this,
the sooner we can leave.
So, Mr. McPooch walks down the ramp.
Mr. McPooch walks out the ramp.
All right, I got it.
Good boy.
Good, good, good, good.
Let's bring Larry out for this next take.
Larry.
Oh, that's Larry Brinkley.
He's the voice of Mr. McPooch.
All right.
Let's take it from just
before Mr. McPooch's entrance.
Dancers ready.
Larry's set.
Cameras rolling.
And
Action!
Oh, there friends. I'm Mr.
McPooch, the Scottish dog.
What?
Who the heck is that?
And Mr. McPooch comes down the ramp.
For centuries, you've
loved my Highland Doggy
Biscuits, blended from
the finest scotty grains.
Where is that coming from?
And he comes down the ramp.
It's no wonder why people
always say I'm classy and sassy.
Who is that guy?
Cut.
Cut.
Cut!
Oh, you didn't even make
it to perky and quirky.
I'm sorry, Mr. LeVista.
I think he was thrown by the voice.
What can I say? That's the dog's voice.
Oh, no, no, no. That is not my voice.
Thank you very much.
Joe, I'd like to go home now.
Joe, honey, I'm a little worried.
I don't think.
Wishbone's enjoying this.
You know, Ellen, I think you're right.
Maybe we can do it one more time.
What's this, Joe Talbot,
but one more time?
Mr. McPooch stays until
the job is finished.
He's my dog now.
I think we have a problem, Mr. LeVista.
Do we?
Yeah.
That's not Mr. McPooch.
That's Wishbone, and he lives with me.
Thank you, Joe.
Oh!
And Mr. McPooch takes off.
And Mr. McPooch takes off.
the dress.
Thanks, buddy.
It's time for us to leave.
We're out of here.
What's happening here?
Where are you going?
It is only natural that Anna and
I should move to the capital.
After all, your daughter is
marrying an inspector general.
An inspector general, it's
all beginning to make sense.
And so, I said to her ladyship,
It's la vie.
Your Excellency, you are brilliant.
Pse, Monsieur Clestakov.
Over here.
Excuse me, madame.
Yes, we must leave here immediately.
Whatever for?
They don't know who you are.
They think you're someone in person.
But I am important.
Oh, no, you're not.
And they believe you to
be an inspector general.
We must leave before they catch on.
Oh, poo.
And I was just having fun.
My friends!
I have news.
Pressing matters of state
require my immediate departure. Oh!
But you cannot leave without me.
I shall return within
days.
Now let's
Get out of here.
Ah, yeah.
Good-bye!
and-sohn who
I'm such dignity.
Yes.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have
learned an amazing thing.
The official whom we took as the Inspector
General is not the Inspector General.
Reposterous, I'm afraid not.
I found a letter from
our visitor to a friend.
My dear friend, life has
changed considerably.
In this village, I am treated as royalty.
The people are quite vulgar.
The mayor, as stupid as a horse's behind.
The judge as slow as a cow.
Huh?
The wife as vain as a peacock?
The daughter as awkward as an ostrich.
The landowners as worthless
as two mangy mutts.
Ah.
Ooh.
And the postmaster as
As dull-witted as a donkey.
I
Have one other piece of news.
What?
The real Inspector General?
I've arrived.
I get the sofa.
Ah!
Home.
I'm so glad the stage's over.
At least you didn't have to wear a dress.
You know something?
I'm glad that Wishburn's
not going to be Mr. McPooch.
I think he's a lot.
cuter without the kilt.
Oh, I'm glad too.
Believe me when I say, I like
you just the way you are.
Thanks, Wanda.
I hope she remembers that the
next time I dig up her yard.
How about a snack, Wishbone?
That's my name.
Don't wear it out unless it's meal time.
Hey, you've been a beautiful
audience you really have.
Whita!
Let's eat!
I don't know.
Oh!