Ducktales (1987) s01e42 Episode Script

Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes It's a duck-blur Might solve a mystery Or rewrite history DuckTales, ooh-ooh Every day, they're out there making DuckTales Ooh-ooh Tales of derring-do, bad and good-luck tales D-d-d-danger Watch behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab onto some DuckTales Ooh-ooh Every day, they're out there making DuckTales Ooh-ooh Tales of derring-do, bad and good-luck tales, Ooh-ooh Not ponytails or cottontails no, DuckTales Ooh-ooh Bombers at 12 o'clock.
Fighter at two o'clock.
Another fighter at dinnertime.
That's not how it works, Louie.
- Huh? What do you mean? - Never mind.
Hey, somethin's wrong with my plane.
- I'm going down! - Me too! - Mayday! Mayday! - Me too! Me too! Hee-hee-hee-hee.
It's great to own your own oil company.
Oh, indeed, sir.
I dare say, you'd never use premium if you had to pay for it.
Ho-ho-ho, I dare say.
Fill 'er up, laddie.
Premium, as usual.
Uh, well, uh, we're all out of premium, Mr.
McDuck, Your Honor, sir.
Oh, very well, then.
Make it unleaded.
No unleaded, either, Your Excellency, sir.
Regular? Uh, well, uh, we're all out, Your - Out of gas! - Head for Uncle Scrooge's gas station.
But you told me my Texas oil fields wouldna go dry for 50 years, and that was only 20 years ago.
What is goin' on out there? Well, I'm comin' to see for myself.
Six cents' worth, please.
Two cents in each plane.
- Sorry, boys, we're all out.
- How can you be out of gas? That's what I'm about to find out, boys.
- Uncle Scrooge! - Hop in.
We're headin' for Texas.
Oh, boy! We can play cowboys and Indians with real cowboys and real Indians! Can we ride horses, Uncle Scrooge? We may have to.
Horses don't use gasoline.
We are out of petrol, sir.
Lucky we made it to the airport.
Push the limo home and take the afternoon off, Duckworth.
Oh, thank you, sir.
- Hi, Launchpad.
- Hey, Mr.
McD.
Hiya, boys.
Launchpad, you've got to fly us to Texas and fast.
No can do, Mr.
McD.
Your jet's been out of gas for a week.
It's a disaster, a catastrophe.
What am I going to do? Uh, you might not like it, Uncle Scrooge, but I have an idea.
It's the ultimate humiliation - buying tickets on Air Glomgold.
- Well, I said you might not like it.
- But you didn't say I'd hate it.
This will be a good place to stay.
My oil fields are nearby.
Wow, a real dude ranch.
Hey, welcome to the Lucky Duck Dude Ranch.
- I'm your host - Tex Doggie.
- Wow, are you a real cowboy? Sure.
My name's Tex, ain't it? Let's go check out the horses, Uncle Scrooge.
You go ahead, lads.
I've business to take care of.
Well, Scrooge McDuck.
Been a long time.
- You're late, Wildcat.
- Ran out of gas.
There's a lot of that going around.
Yep.
All the experts said this oil wouldn't run out for years, - and you're tellin' me it's bone dry? - Yep.
- You have any idea why? - Nope.
- Have ya tried drillin' new wells? - Yep.
- Any luck? - Nope.
Well, let's keep tryin'! - Ain't it great to be real cowboys? - Sure is, pardner.
Yee-haw! Whoo! Whoo! Ride 'em, cowdog.
Yay! - Wa-hoo! - Ride 'im, Tex.
Yep, pardners.
He's gonna do some fancy shootin'.
You've seen it here, folks.
Trick ridin' and trick shootin', simultaneous.
And he did it all at the same time, too.
All part of the fun at the Lucky Duck Dude Ranch.
Just make yourselves to home, but don't go near the old ghost town.
Ghost town? 'Cause the ghost of that gunslinger Jesse Jones and his ferocious white buffalo still haunt the place.
Now you just have a good time.
Heh-heh.
See y'all.
What do we do first - ride a horse, explore the desert? I think we should get a horse and explore the desert on our way to The ghost town! All right, Wildcat, throw the switch.
- You hear something? - Nope.
Yep.
Nope.
Yep.
It could be.
It could be.
- Hot air.
- Uh, yep.
Without oil, all my factories and ships and trucks and trains all grind to a stop.
What will I do? - Is that who I think it is? - Yep.
Why, it's J.
R.
Mooing, richest oil tycoon around these parts.
Howdy, folks.
J.
R.
Mooing.
You are sure working hard around here.
I like that, but this land's plumb out of oil.
How do you know? Everybody in the oil business knows McDuck Oil's in trouble.
In fact, I come by to help y'all out.
Just so happens, I got some real oil land for sale.
Well, we done run out of places to drill, partner.
Aye, that we have, Wildcat.
How much do you want for that oil land, J.
R.
? Well, now, that's awful valuable land.
I think it's worth maybe How much ya got? I'm certainly not telling you how much money I have.
Doesn't matter.
Whatever it is, it'll cost ya half your fortune to buy my land.
Nobody robs Scrooge McDuck, no matter rich they are.
We'll have to talk again later, Mr.
City Slicker McDuck.
Heh-heh-heh.
Of course, after you change your mind.
Oh, he's right.
If I don't do something soon, I'll lose my entire fortune.
Well, ol' J.
R.
Can't take half your fortune if you ain't got one.
Oh, that's a great comfort, Wildcat.
A great comfort.
And the sky is not cloudy all day Well, we're riding the range, eh, Deadeye Dewey? Yep, just like real cowboys and Indians, eh, Lonestar Louie? Yeah - I mean, yep.
And we even got a real ghost town to explore.
Come on, Gluefoot, giddy-up.
Uh-uh.
- I think old Gluefoot's scared of somethin'.
- Uh-huh.
What's to be scared of? Old buildings? Tumbleweeds? Look! When out west, do as the westerners do.
Old J.
R.
Mooing wouldn't pull a fast one on a fellow good ol' boy.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
I'll get that oil land for a song.
A cowboy song.
I'm an old cowhand, only cost me a grand Hee-ha-ha-ha! Ten-gallon hat don't make you no cowboy.
Nope.
Especially when you got an 11-gallon head.
Yep.
- I think that white buffalo is gone.
- We should take a look around.
- Gluefoot, you stay here.
- Phew.
I'm thirsty.
I hope we don't run into the ghost of Jesse Jones.
- You really believe that stuff? - I don't know.
Ask him.
You're in my saloon, greenhorns.
- It's Jesse Jones! - Let's see you tenderfeet dance.
- Ow, ooh, ee, ow! - Oops, quackaroonie.
Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
Nothing like tenderfeet with tender feet.
Hee-ha-ha-ha! Save the last dance for me.
Time to reload.
Stay where you are, you little varmints.
- He's out of bullets.
- And we better get outta here.
Hey, wait.
I ain't ready yet.
Heh-heh.
I'm gonna show that city slicker McDuck a thing or three.
Not only am I gonna soak him for that worthless piece of land of his, I'm gonna humiliate him.
Howdy, pardner.
Wild Bill Duck's the name.
Drillin' for oil's my game.
Well, McDuck wants to play cowboy games with ol' J.
R.
Mooing.
Well, that's just fine.
You know, I thought I knew every oil tycoon around these here parts.
I'm not from around these here parts.
Do my oil drilling in Oklahomie and Louisiannie.
But I'm looking to land me some oil land around h'er.
Well, I'll tell ya what, Wild Bill.
I got a piece of land I was gonna sell this dumb city slicker McDuck.
Dumb city slicker? Why, you Ha-ha, you sho' enough don't wanna sell to the likes a' him.
Sho' enough.
So why don't you and me have a friendly little cowboy contest? Say, winner take all.
All? Well, all.
Everything you got against everything I got.
- Unless you're chicken.
- Never.
You got yourself a deal.
A cowboy contest it is.
- What kind of contest ya got in mind? - Just wait and see, pardner.
It'll be a humdinger, I assure you.
I think we lost him.
Good thinking, Deadeye.
Hee-yaw! Hee-yaw! Git.
There's no gettin' away now.
Aw, there they are, sittin' ducks.
- He chased Gluefoot away.
- Do you think he knows where we are? Yep.
I'm hit.
Aw Oil! Let's give that ghost an oil spill.
- Will this work on a ghost? - It's worth a try.
Huh? Thunderation! Yaah! Oof.
Hey, he's not a ghost.
We better tell Uncle Scrooge right away.
How we gonna get back to the ranch without our horse? Whoa! Aw, he's not mean at all.
He's sad.
Let's untie him.
Hey, white paint.
Somebody painted him up to scare us, pardners.
He's a fake just like that fake ghost.
Can you take us back to the dude ranch? Let's hit the trail, pardners.
Yee haw! - Any old cowpoke can do that, right? - Nope.
This glove's got stickum on it.
I need all the help I can git.
Yep.
Whoa, boy, whoa.
- You got everything set? - El Diablo is the worst we got, Mr.
Mooing.
Good.
Just a little insurance.
Heh-heh-heh, I am bad.
- Here I go.
- Yep.
Whoa.
Easy, boy.
Yaii! Yeow! Oof.
- This here glove worked pretty good.
- Yep.
Aw, nice try, pardner.
Too bad I got all the points so far.
Now, there's some fancy shootin'.
Here you go, Wild Bill.
Your turn.
I'll show you some fancy shootin'.
Quick on the trigger, but slow on the draw.
Oof.
Too bad you lost, City Slicker McDuck.
I now own your whole fortune, and you don't even have a home on the range.
Curse me kilts.
Now I'm in a real mess.
Say, pardner, have you seen my sidekicks? No.
They were out ridin' on old Gluefoot there.
He done come back without 'em.
Maybe they're lost in the desert, wandering in the dark, alone and scared.
- Uncle Scrooge, Uncle Scrooge! - Or maybe not.
That ghost town's a fake, Uncle Scrooge.
Yeah, and the ghost of Jesse Jones is a fake, too.
What are you talking about, lads? And where did ya find this buffalo? He's our friend, Uncle Scrooge.
So long, pardner.
You're free now.
What's this on your head, Louie? Oil! Where did ya get oil? It came out of the barrel at the ghost town.
Saddle up, lads.
I think I know where to find my missing oil.
Ach, me aching bones.
I'll tell you somethin', lads.
I've done a lot of adventurin', but I'm no cowboy.
I should never have tried to be what I'm not.
- But we're tough, right? - Right! And we'll get your oil back, no matter what.
Heh-heh, that's the spirit, lads.
Hey, the barrels are gone.
They've got to be hidden somewhere in this ghost town.
You look that way, and I'll look over there.
- Canna see a thing.
- I can see you just fine.
Ahh, Jesse Jones! Heh-heh-heh.
On your feet, sidewinder.
No, no, no.
I'm no sidewinder.
Just Scrooge McDuck, a good Scots lad.
A fureign sidewinder.
That's even worst.
This is a showdown.
Are you sure you don't mean hoedown? Ha-ha-ha.
Go fer your gun.
- Hey, where you think yer goin'? - I'm goin' for my gun.
Now, there's a safe place to hide.
Where'd that varmint go? What in thunderation? More sidewinders.
What are you and that old geezer doin' here? You won't get away this time.
Now I got ya.
Heh-heh-heh.
- We're trapped.
- Trapped you are, for good.
It's the scariest thing I've ever seen.
A bank with no money in it.
I better find the lads.
- It won't budge.
- Forget it, Dewey.
Shh.
Somebody's here.
- Ow! Curse my kilts.
- It's Uncle Scrooge.
Uncle Scrooge, in here.
Get us out! - Lads, what are you doin' in there? - Same thing you're gonna do in there.
Rot.
Heh-heh-heh-heh.
Now git.
You'll never get away with this, whoever you are.
I already have.
- Look, a secret passage.
- Shh.
Listen.
- Sounds like a big pump.
- Aye.
And I'll bet my lucky dime it's pumping my oil fields dry.
How are we gonna get out of here? The white buffalo.
Maybe he can help us bust out of here.
Grab that rope.
- All set.
- Get ready, boy.
Pull! Ya did it, boy.
Let's go, lads.
It's workin' like a charm.
Heh-heh-heh-heh.
- Hey, look at this.
- That's McDuck Oil, and that's my pipeline.
And that's their pipeline leading to the ghost town.
We learned how to do this at the dude ranch, Uncle Scrooge.
- Ready? Now.
- Huh? What the? You've done it, boys.
And now I've done it.
Let's find out who this guy really is.
Tex Doggie.
The Lucky Duck Dude Ranch is out of business.
Hee-hee-hee.
And McDuck Oil is back in business.
You know, McDuck, you're all right.
You handled that hombre like a real cowboy.
I tell you what - I'm letting you out of our deal.
- Besides which, I cheated.
- You're OK, too, J.
R.
, my lad.
And here's something a real cowboy should appreciate.
Some of my cactus wildfire chili.
I may be a city slicker, but we've a hot time in the old town tonight.
Ha-ha-ha!