Animaniacs (1993) s01e43 Episode Script
A Moving Experience
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.
S.
DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY IT'S TIME FOR ANIMANIACS AND WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX SO JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX YOU'LL LAUGH TILL YOU COLLAPSE WE'RE ANIMANIACS COME JOIN THE WARNER BROTHERS AND THE WARNER SISTER DOT JUST FOR FUN WE RUN AROUND THE WARNER MOVIE LOT THEY LOCK US IN THE TOWER WHENEVER WE GET CAUGHT BUT WE BREAK LOOSE AND THEN VAMOOSE AND NOW YOU KNOW THE PLOT WE'RE ANIMANIACS DOT IS CUTE AND YAKKO YAKS WAKKO PACKS AWAY THE SNACKS WHILE BILL CLINTON PLAYS THE SAX WE'RE ANIMANIACS MEET PINKY AND THE BRAIN WHO WANT TO RULE THE UNIVERSE GOODFEATHERS FLOCK TOGETHER SLAPPY WHACKS 'EM WITH HER PURSE BUTTON CHASES MINDY WHILE RITA SINGS A VERSE THE WRITERS FLIPPED, WE HAVE NO SCRIPT WHY BOTHER TO REHEARSE? WE'RE ANIMANIACS WE HAD PAY-OR-PLAY CONTRACTS WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX THERE'S BALONEY IN OUR SLACKS WE'RE ANIMANEE TOTALLY INSANE-Y HERE'S THE SHOW'S NAMEY ANIMANIACS THOSE ARE THE FACTS HERE AMONG THE DRAMATIC TIBURRANAM MOUNTAINS IN THE HENKLE RIVER VALLEY LIES THE TINY KINGDOM OF ANVILANIA, THE WORLD'S LARGES PRODUCER AND EXPORTER OF ONE THINGANVILS.
ON THIS VERY DAY, THE CITIZENS OF ANVILANIA ARE AWAITING THE ARRIVAL OF THE HEIR TO THE THRONE, THE MAN WHO'S BEEN CHOSEN AS THE NEW KING.
THE KING APPROACHES! THE KING APPROACHES! THE KING APPROACHES! I HEARD.
UH, EXCUSE ME, PRIME MINISTER.
THE KING GOOD FOLK OF ANVILANIA WE WELCOME OUR NEW KING SO RAISE YOUR HAMMERS HIGH AND LE THE ANVILS RING WE LE THE ANVILS RING TO WELCOME OUR NEW KING THE KING [TIRES SCREECH.]
HELLO, MY NAME'S YAKKO.
I'LL BE YOUR KING THIS EVENING.
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, JUST ASK.
MAY I PRESENT MYSELF? I AM THE PRIME MINISTER.
HELLO, PRIME MINISTER NURSE! BOYS, DO THEY GET BETTER WHEN THEY GET OLDER? [FANFARE.]
WE WELCOME YOU WITH THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OF ANVILANIA, AS SUNG BY ONE OF OUR NATIONAL TREASURES, MR.
PERRY COMA.
ANVILANIA [SNORE.]
ANVILANIA [YAWN.]
ANVILANIA [SNORING.]
THAT'S THE NATIONAL ANTHEM? IT'S NOT SO BAD.
AAH! GOOD ANVILANIANS, I PRESENT THE HEIR TO THE THRONE LET US INTRODUCE OURSELVES TO PEOPLE OF THIS LAND WE ARE THE WARNER BROTHERS WITH SISTER CLOSE AT HAND I BET YOU ALL ARE WONDERING WHO IS THIS YOUNG UNKNOWN AND WHY AM I INHERITING THE ANVILANIAN THRONE YES, WHY? YES, WHY? YES, WHY? YES, WHY? OH, PLEASE, PLEASE, TELL US WHY THE BOTTOM OF THE FAMILY TREE STARTS WITH YAKKO, THAT IS ME I'M THE COUSIN TO THE SISTER OF THE SON'S NIECE'S BROTHER OF THE UNCLE'S DAUGHTER'S FATHER OF THE NEPHEW'S SISTER'S MOTHER AND MY GRANDPA'S ONLY COUSIN WAS THE KING'S DAUGHTER'S SIBLING BUT THEY'RE ALL GONE SO THAT IS WHY I AM NOW YOUR KING HE IS NOW OUR KING YES, I AM NOW YOUR KING REPEAT WHA I JUST SAID REPEAT WHA I JUST SAID AND LE THE ANVILS RING OLD KING YAKKO'S MANIA WAS FOR ANVILANIA SO GOOD CITIZENS, I PLEDGE TO YOU I'LL DO THE BES THAT I CAN DO FOR HONOR, COUNTRY, AND THE KING LET THE ANVIL'S RING LET THE ANVIL'S RING LET THE ANVIL'S RING LET THE ANVIL'S RING COME, YOUR MAJESTY, IT IS TIME FOR YOUR CORONATION.
I CROWN THEE, YAKKO, KING OF ANVILANIA, HOLDER OF THE SCEPTER, WEARER OF THE MEDALS, AND DEFENDER OF THE ANVILS.
HAVE ANYTHING IN A ZANDERBEL WITH A SKOSH MORE ROOM? AND, NOW, THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
NOT AGAIN! NOT AGAIN! ANVILANIA ANVILANIA ANVILANIA [POP.]
HUH? HUH? KING YAKKO, YOUR THRONE.
HOW DO YOU LIFT THE LID? SINCE WHEN DO YOU LIFT THE LID? YOUR HIGHNESS! YOUR HIGHNESS! MY HIGHNESS? DID I SIT IN SOMETHING? MAY I INTRODUCE THE COURT JESTER? I WANT TO TELL YOU, THIS ANVIL WAS SO BIG HOW BIG WAS IT? I DON'T KNOW.
I CAN'T SEE THE CUE CARD.
NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO GREET THE PEOPLE WITH YOUR ADDRESS.
DRESSES WOULD BE DOT'S DEPARTMENT.
I'M INTRODUCING A NEW FALL LINE.
POLKA DOT? IF YOU INSIST.
[POLKA MUSIC PLAYS.]
I MEANT FOR THE KING TO GIVE HIS ADDRESS TO THE PEOPLE.
HOORAY! HOORAY! [WHISTLING.]
CITIZENS OF ANVILANIA, I STAND BEFORE YOU BECAUSE IF I WAS BEHIND YOU, YOU COULDN'T SEE ME.
THANK YOU, AND NOW FOR MY ADDRESS KING YAKKO, CARE OF THE CASTLE, ANVILANIA 90210.
I PROMISE NOT TO ABUSE MY TOTAL, UNYIELDING, SUPREME, AND ABSOLUTE POWER OVER YOU, BUT I MUST ASK YOU ONE THING-- CAN YOU DO THIS BLAAOO-BLAAOO-BLAAOO! BLAAOO-BLAAOO-BLAAOO! OH, VERY GOOD.
HOW ABOUT THIS WAAHOO-WAAHOO! WAAHOO-WAAHOO! MY PEOPLE.
NOW, HERE'S AN OLD FAVORITE NEEE-EEEH! NEEE-EEEH! GOOD! NOW, HOW ABOUT THIS BRUUUH! BRUUUH! VERY NICE! O.
K.
, NOW THIS WEEH-YO-WHOA! WEEH-YO-WHOA! SO, THE NEW KING OF ANVILANIA IS A CHILD, A KID, A PUSHOVER.
A KID, A PUSHOVER.
ANVILANIA HAS ALWAYS MADE A FORTUNE OFF THOSE ANVILS, BUT SOON THAT FORTUNE WILL BE MINE, DO YOU HEAR? I HEAR, BUT HOW WILL YOU TAKE OVER THE COUNTRY? I WILL GO THERE AND DEMAND THEY SURRENDER.
THE KING IS A CHILD.
HE WILL CRUMBLE BEFORE ME.
IT WILL BE LIKE TAKING ANVILS FROM A BABY.
HA HA HA HA HA! GET THE CAMERA OUT OF MY MOUTH.
IN DEAR OLD ANVILANIA EVERYONE'S OUR FRIEND WE WAN TO MEET YOU ALL AND SHAKE YOU BY THE HEND HEND! HEND! IT RHYMES! DICTATOR OF DUNLIKUS, UMLATT.
THE CLOWN IS HERE! OH, BOY! YAY! ARE YOU HERE TO ENTERTAIN US, MR.
CLOWN? WHERE ARE YOUR MAGIC TRICKS? I WANT A BALLOON THAT LOOKS LIKE A WOODCHUCK.
PLEASE, GET OFF ME.
I AM THE DICTATOR! O.
K.
, DIC, OR IS IT MR.
TATOR? I KNOW! LET'S PLAY MUSICAL CHAIRS! YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN WE'RE GONNA STOP WE MIGH GO ON FOREVER YOU COULD GET SICK WAITING FOR US OR WE COULD STOP DARN! A TIE! I KNOW! WE'LL HAVE A TIEBREAKER.
PIN THE TAIL ON MR.
TATOR! STOP, YOU OBNOXIOUS CREATURES! I AM NOT MR.
TATOR.
I'M NOT THE ENTERTAINMENT! THAT'S YOUR ENTERTAINMENT HEY, TAKE MY ANVIL PLEASE.
IF YOU'RE NO THE ENTERTAINMENT, YOU SHOULDN'T BE WEARING A COSTUME.
LET'S HELP HIM OUT.
POLKA DOT? AGAIN? OH, ALL RIGHT.
[POLKA MUSIC PLAYS.]
NO, NO! THIS IS THE UNIFORM OF A GREAT MAN.
HE KNOW YOU'RE WEARING IT? I AM UMLATT OF DULIKIS.
I'M HERE TO DEMAND YOU SURRENDER ANVILANIA TO ME.
I GIVE YOU 24 HOURS TO VACATE.
VACATION ALREADY? IT'S MY FIRST DAY ON THE JOB! I DEMAND YOUR SURRENDER! I WILL NOT SURRENDER.
YOU SURRENDER.
ME, SURRENDER? I ACCEPT.
HAND OVER THE CASTLE KEYS.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
I'LL GO TO WAR FIRST.
THEN GO AHEAD.
AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU'VE LEARNED SOME MANNERS, YOUNG MAN.
VERY WELL, YOU SILLY CHILD.
THIS MEANS WAR! I THOUGHT THA MEANT TOUCHDOWN.
YAY! PUSH 'EM BACK.
SHOVE 'EM BACK.
WAY BACK! I'LL SEE YOU ON THE BATTLEFIELD! WAIT! YOU FORGO TO GET YOUR PARKING VALIDATED! [CASTLE DOOR CLOSES.]
OH, POOH.
A WAR.
AND SO I STAND CORRECTED NOT EVERYONE'S OUR FRIEND THAT DICTATOR HE WANTS A WAR SO OUR COUNTRY WE'LL DEFEND THIS MEANS WAR THIS MEANS WAR THIS MEANS WAR OF COURSE YOU KNOW THIS MEANS WAR YES HURRY, YOUR MAJESTY.
THESE ARE DESPERATE TIMES.
YOU MUST MEE THE CABINET.
HELLO.
I'M YAKKO.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
SIRE? WAIT TILL WE'RE ALONE.
GENTLEMEN, PLEASE BE SEATED.
AH-AH-AH-AH.
I DIDN' SAY SIMON SAYS.
SIMON SAYS PLEASE BE SEATED.
SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN? OUR ARMY HASN' BEEN TO WAR IN 200 YEARS.
THEY SHOULD BE WELL-RESTED.
WE MUST PREPARE THE TROOPS.
FIRST WE MUS GET NEW WEAPONS.
NO, FIRST WE MUST HAVE A NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM.
HIT IT.
OH, THE ANVILS SHINE IN MY OLD ANVILANIAN HOME THANK YOU.
PLEASE BE SEATED.
A-HA.
VERY GOOD.
SIMON SAYS PLEASE BE SEATED.
YOUR MAJESTY, IF I MAY I WISH YOU WOULD.
IF WE POSITION OUR ARMY ON THE NORTHERN BORDER, AND A BATTALION OF TANKS ON THE LEFT FLANK, WE'LL FORCE THE ATTACKERS INTO THIS NARROW VALLEY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? SORRY, I DOZED OFF THERE FOR A SECOND.
I ASKED WHAT YOU THINK.
I THINK WE SHOULD CHOOSE TEAMS AND PLAY SHUFFLEBOARD.
I'LL TAKE YOU, YOUAND YOU, IF YOU'LL HAVE ME.
BUT YOUR HIGHNESS-- IT'LL BE YOUR HIGHNESS IF YOU DEFY ME.
WE MUST PREPARE.
VERY WELL.
DOT, WAKKO AS KING OF ANVILANIA, I APPOINT YOU GENERAL OF THE ARMED FORCES.
PREPARE THE TROOPS.
YOU'RE APPOINTED MINSTER OF GIRLIE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THAT COVERS A LOT.
I KNOW! WE NEED UNIFORMS! HOW ABOUT THESE? POLKA DOT? POLKA DOT? NOT AGAIN.
OHH.
NOW, ON WITH THE PLAN.
THE MEETING IS ADJOURNED.
YOU'RE ALL DISMISSED.
AH-AH.
SIMON DIDN'T SAY.
I THINK THIS UNIFORM NEEDS SOMETHING-- SOMETHING THAT SAYS I'M HERE TO DESTROY YOU, BUT WITH A SENSE OF FUN.
I GOT IT! WEAR YOUR UNDERWEAR OUTSIDE YOUR PANTS.
HEY, IT WORKED FOR MADONNA.
YOU'RE ABOU TO HEAD INTO WAR.
I WON'T LIE.
SOME OF YOU MAY NOT RETURN, AND THE REST OF YOU DEFINITELY WON'T.
ALTHOUGH WAR IS A CRUEL AND BRUTAL AFFAIR, IT IS ALSO DANGEROUS AND STUPID.
YOU MAY GET SQUASHED LIKE A BUG OR CRUNCHED LIKE SHREDDED WHEA INTO DUS OR RIPPED APART.
AAH! AAH! AAH! MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE LIED A LITTLE.
WE'LL GO TO WAR OURSELVES.
HOW HARD COULD IT BE? THIS HARD.
OOH.
WE'LL NEED A FEW COMMERCIALS TO FIGURE THIS OUT.
HEY, I NEED THAT! YOU THINK THIS PLAN WILL WORK? IT BETTER.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY MORE COMMERCIALS.
NO SIGN OF THE ANVILANIAN ARMY OR DICTATORSHIP.
WHAT? THERE'S NO SIGN OF THE ANVILANIANS! THANK YOU.
[ROLLING.]
WAIT.
WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A PRESEN FOR THE DICTATOR.
IT'S A PRESEN FOR YOU.
WHAT? A PRESENT FOR YOU! THANK YOU.
BRING IT IN.
HIT IT! ANVILANIAAA ANVILANIAAA ANVILLAAAAAAAA AAANIAAAA IT'S THEIR SECRET WEAPON.
[YAWN.]
WHAT? [SNORING.]
AHHH.
IT WORKED.
COME, MY SIBLINGS, WE MUST CAPTURE THE FLAG.
NOW THAT YOU'VE WON THE WAR, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? I'M GOING TO DIS-- HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
WHY AREN'T YOU ASLEEP? WHAT? ENOUGH WITH THE WHAT JOKES.
WE WIN.
WAR'S OVER.
GO HOME.
YOU HAVE NO ARMY.
NO HARD FEELINGS.
HA! I DON'T NEED AN ARMY NOW BECAUSE I'VE GOT YOU.
AND ONCE YOU'RE GONE, I'LL HAVE YOUR COUNTRY AS WELL.
WAIT.
YOU'RE FORGETTING SOMETHING.
WHAT? BEING AN EVIL VILLAIN, YOU ARE CONTRACTUALLY REQUIRED TO EXPLAIN YOUR PLAN BEFORE DISPOSING OF US.
OH, RIGHT.
AFTER I'VE DISPOSED OF YOU, I WILL CONTROL ANVILANIA AND THEN FINALLY, THE ANVILS WILL ALL BE MINE! ANVILS? ANVILS? ANVILS? YES.
I WILL HAVE ALL THE ANVILS.
EXSQUEEZE ME.
THIS IS ABOUT ANVILS? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO? YOU CAN HAVE MY ANVIL.
I DON'T WAN THIS TINY THING.
THEN HAVE THIS ONE.
NO! NOT ME.
I'M KEEPING MINE.
NO, NO! I WANT BIG ANVILS AND LOTS OF THEM.
NO PROBLEM.
WAIT RIGHT HERE.
ACTUALLY WAIT RIGHT HERE.
[CLUNK.]
THOSE KIND OF ANVILS? YES! O.
K.
[THUD.]
[CLANG.]
FACTORY DIRECT TO YOU.
NO MIDDLE MAN! I AM THE KING! [GASP.]
FIRE! YOU LITTLE-- WHERE DID THEY GO? I BLEE WO POOR LITTLE EVIL FELLOW WHO ASKED FOR IT.
HERE.
YOU CAN HAVE MY ANVIL AFTER ALL.
AAH.
THAT COMPLETES THE DELIVERY.
JUST SIGN HERE.
OHH, YOU WIN.
I GIVE UP.
I SURRENDER.
DO WITH ME WHAT YOU WILL.
MR.
TATOR, I'VE GOT A PUNISHMEN THAT'S FAIR, JUST, AND CLEVER-- OR MAYBE JUS FAIRLY CLEVER.
WHATEVER.
WE THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND OF THE WAR WE NOW REPORT OUR COUNTRY HAD BEEN THREATENED BY A MEAN AND CRAFTY MAN HE WANTED ALL OUR ANVILS AND OUR COUNTRY IN THE CAN WE GATHERED UP THE BRAVEST MEN BUT THEY ALL RAN AWAY SO WAKKO, DOT, AND I THE KING WENT OFF TO EARN OUR PAY THE BATTLE, IT WAS FIERCE BUT WE ROLLED WITH THE PUNCH THE ODDS, THEY WERE AGAINST US SIX HOURS WITHOUT LUNCH WE FOOLED THE OLD DICTATOR AND HIS CASTLE WAS DESTROYED BUT WE'RE NOT MEAN AND NOW WITH US HE'S GAINFULLY EMPLOYED THIS ANVIL WAS SO BIG HOW BIG WAS IT? THIS BIG.
SO NOW WON'T YOU JOIN US FOR COUNTRY AND THE KING? RAISE YOUR HAMMERS HIGH AND LE THE ANVILS RING LET THE ANVILS RING LET THE ANVILS RING [DING DONG.]
[DING.]
[DONG.]
POLKA DOT? POLKA DOT? WHY NOT? GOODBYE, NURSE!
S.
DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY IT'S TIME FOR ANIMANIACS AND WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX SO JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX YOU'LL LAUGH TILL YOU COLLAPSE WE'RE ANIMANIACS COME JOIN THE WARNER BROTHERS AND THE WARNER SISTER DOT JUST FOR FUN WE RUN AROUND THE WARNER MOVIE LOT THEY LOCK US IN THE TOWER WHENEVER WE GET CAUGHT BUT WE BREAK LOOSE AND THEN VAMOOSE AND NOW YOU KNOW THE PLOT WE'RE ANIMANIACS DOT IS CUTE AND YAKKO YAKS WAKKO PACKS AWAY THE SNACKS WHILE BILL CLINTON PLAYS THE SAX WE'RE ANIMANIACS MEET PINKY AND THE BRAIN WHO WANT TO RULE THE UNIVERSE GOODFEATHERS FLOCK TOGETHER SLAPPY WHACKS 'EM WITH HER PURSE BUTTON CHASES MINDY WHILE RITA SINGS A VERSE THE WRITERS FLIPPED, WE HAVE NO SCRIPT WHY BOTHER TO REHEARSE? WE'RE ANIMANIACS WE HAD PAY-OR-PLAY CONTRACTS WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX THERE'S BALONEY IN OUR SLACKS WE'RE ANIMANEE TOTALLY INSANE-Y HERE'S THE SHOW'S NAMEY ANIMANIACS THOSE ARE THE FACTS HERE AMONG THE DRAMATIC TIBURRANAM MOUNTAINS IN THE HENKLE RIVER VALLEY LIES THE TINY KINGDOM OF ANVILANIA, THE WORLD'S LARGES PRODUCER AND EXPORTER OF ONE THINGANVILS.
ON THIS VERY DAY, THE CITIZENS OF ANVILANIA ARE AWAITING THE ARRIVAL OF THE HEIR TO THE THRONE, THE MAN WHO'S BEEN CHOSEN AS THE NEW KING.
THE KING APPROACHES! THE KING APPROACHES! THE KING APPROACHES! I HEARD.
UH, EXCUSE ME, PRIME MINISTER.
THE KING GOOD FOLK OF ANVILANIA WE WELCOME OUR NEW KING SO RAISE YOUR HAMMERS HIGH AND LE THE ANVILS RING WE LE THE ANVILS RING TO WELCOME OUR NEW KING THE KING [TIRES SCREECH.]
HELLO, MY NAME'S YAKKO.
I'LL BE YOUR KING THIS EVENING.
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, JUST ASK.
MAY I PRESENT MYSELF? I AM THE PRIME MINISTER.
HELLO, PRIME MINISTER NURSE! BOYS, DO THEY GET BETTER WHEN THEY GET OLDER? [FANFARE.]
WE WELCOME YOU WITH THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OF ANVILANIA, AS SUNG BY ONE OF OUR NATIONAL TREASURES, MR.
PERRY COMA.
ANVILANIA [SNORE.]
ANVILANIA [YAWN.]
ANVILANIA [SNORING.]
THAT'S THE NATIONAL ANTHEM? IT'S NOT SO BAD.
AAH! GOOD ANVILANIANS, I PRESENT THE HEIR TO THE THRONE LET US INTRODUCE OURSELVES TO PEOPLE OF THIS LAND WE ARE THE WARNER BROTHERS WITH SISTER CLOSE AT HAND I BET YOU ALL ARE WONDERING WHO IS THIS YOUNG UNKNOWN AND WHY AM I INHERITING THE ANVILANIAN THRONE YES, WHY? YES, WHY? YES, WHY? YES, WHY? OH, PLEASE, PLEASE, TELL US WHY THE BOTTOM OF THE FAMILY TREE STARTS WITH YAKKO, THAT IS ME I'M THE COUSIN TO THE SISTER OF THE SON'S NIECE'S BROTHER OF THE UNCLE'S DAUGHTER'S FATHER OF THE NEPHEW'S SISTER'S MOTHER AND MY GRANDPA'S ONLY COUSIN WAS THE KING'S DAUGHTER'S SIBLING BUT THEY'RE ALL GONE SO THAT IS WHY I AM NOW YOUR KING HE IS NOW OUR KING YES, I AM NOW YOUR KING REPEAT WHA I JUST SAID REPEAT WHA I JUST SAID AND LE THE ANVILS RING OLD KING YAKKO'S MANIA WAS FOR ANVILANIA SO GOOD CITIZENS, I PLEDGE TO YOU I'LL DO THE BES THAT I CAN DO FOR HONOR, COUNTRY, AND THE KING LET THE ANVIL'S RING LET THE ANVIL'S RING LET THE ANVIL'S RING LET THE ANVIL'S RING COME, YOUR MAJESTY, IT IS TIME FOR YOUR CORONATION.
I CROWN THEE, YAKKO, KING OF ANVILANIA, HOLDER OF THE SCEPTER, WEARER OF THE MEDALS, AND DEFENDER OF THE ANVILS.
HAVE ANYTHING IN A ZANDERBEL WITH A SKOSH MORE ROOM? AND, NOW, THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
NOT AGAIN! NOT AGAIN! ANVILANIA ANVILANIA ANVILANIA [POP.]
HUH? HUH? KING YAKKO, YOUR THRONE.
HOW DO YOU LIFT THE LID? SINCE WHEN DO YOU LIFT THE LID? YOUR HIGHNESS! YOUR HIGHNESS! MY HIGHNESS? DID I SIT IN SOMETHING? MAY I INTRODUCE THE COURT JESTER? I WANT TO TELL YOU, THIS ANVIL WAS SO BIG HOW BIG WAS IT? I DON'T KNOW.
I CAN'T SEE THE CUE CARD.
NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO GREET THE PEOPLE WITH YOUR ADDRESS.
DRESSES WOULD BE DOT'S DEPARTMENT.
I'M INTRODUCING A NEW FALL LINE.
POLKA DOT? IF YOU INSIST.
[POLKA MUSIC PLAYS.]
I MEANT FOR THE KING TO GIVE HIS ADDRESS TO THE PEOPLE.
HOORAY! HOORAY! [WHISTLING.]
CITIZENS OF ANVILANIA, I STAND BEFORE YOU BECAUSE IF I WAS BEHIND YOU, YOU COULDN'T SEE ME.
THANK YOU, AND NOW FOR MY ADDRESS KING YAKKO, CARE OF THE CASTLE, ANVILANIA 90210.
I PROMISE NOT TO ABUSE MY TOTAL, UNYIELDING, SUPREME, AND ABSOLUTE POWER OVER YOU, BUT I MUST ASK YOU ONE THING-- CAN YOU DO THIS BLAAOO-BLAAOO-BLAAOO! BLAAOO-BLAAOO-BLAAOO! OH, VERY GOOD.
HOW ABOUT THIS WAAHOO-WAAHOO! WAAHOO-WAAHOO! MY PEOPLE.
NOW, HERE'S AN OLD FAVORITE NEEE-EEEH! NEEE-EEEH! GOOD! NOW, HOW ABOUT THIS BRUUUH! BRUUUH! VERY NICE! O.
K.
, NOW THIS WEEH-YO-WHOA! WEEH-YO-WHOA! SO, THE NEW KING OF ANVILANIA IS A CHILD, A KID, A PUSHOVER.
A KID, A PUSHOVER.
ANVILANIA HAS ALWAYS MADE A FORTUNE OFF THOSE ANVILS, BUT SOON THAT FORTUNE WILL BE MINE, DO YOU HEAR? I HEAR, BUT HOW WILL YOU TAKE OVER THE COUNTRY? I WILL GO THERE AND DEMAND THEY SURRENDER.
THE KING IS A CHILD.
HE WILL CRUMBLE BEFORE ME.
IT WILL BE LIKE TAKING ANVILS FROM A BABY.
HA HA HA HA HA! GET THE CAMERA OUT OF MY MOUTH.
IN DEAR OLD ANVILANIA EVERYONE'S OUR FRIEND WE WAN TO MEET YOU ALL AND SHAKE YOU BY THE HEND HEND! HEND! IT RHYMES! DICTATOR OF DUNLIKUS, UMLATT.
THE CLOWN IS HERE! OH, BOY! YAY! ARE YOU HERE TO ENTERTAIN US, MR.
CLOWN? WHERE ARE YOUR MAGIC TRICKS? I WANT A BALLOON THAT LOOKS LIKE A WOODCHUCK.
PLEASE, GET OFF ME.
I AM THE DICTATOR! O.
K.
, DIC, OR IS IT MR.
TATOR? I KNOW! LET'S PLAY MUSICAL CHAIRS! YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN WE'RE GONNA STOP WE MIGH GO ON FOREVER YOU COULD GET SICK WAITING FOR US OR WE COULD STOP DARN! A TIE! I KNOW! WE'LL HAVE A TIEBREAKER.
PIN THE TAIL ON MR.
TATOR! STOP, YOU OBNOXIOUS CREATURES! I AM NOT MR.
TATOR.
I'M NOT THE ENTERTAINMENT! THAT'S YOUR ENTERTAINMENT HEY, TAKE MY ANVIL PLEASE.
IF YOU'RE NO THE ENTERTAINMENT, YOU SHOULDN'T BE WEARING A COSTUME.
LET'S HELP HIM OUT.
POLKA DOT? AGAIN? OH, ALL RIGHT.
[POLKA MUSIC PLAYS.]
NO, NO! THIS IS THE UNIFORM OF A GREAT MAN.
HE KNOW YOU'RE WEARING IT? I AM UMLATT OF DULIKIS.
I'M HERE TO DEMAND YOU SURRENDER ANVILANIA TO ME.
I GIVE YOU 24 HOURS TO VACATE.
VACATION ALREADY? IT'S MY FIRST DAY ON THE JOB! I DEMAND YOUR SURRENDER! I WILL NOT SURRENDER.
YOU SURRENDER.
ME, SURRENDER? I ACCEPT.
HAND OVER THE CASTLE KEYS.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
I'LL GO TO WAR FIRST.
THEN GO AHEAD.
AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU'VE LEARNED SOME MANNERS, YOUNG MAN.
VERY WELL, YOU SILLY CHILD.
THIS MEANS WAR! I THOUGHT THA MEANT TOUCHDOWN.
YAY! PUSH 'EM BACK.
SHOVE 'EM BACK.
WAY BACK! I'LL SEE YOU ON THE BATTLEFIELD! WAIT! YOU FORGO TO GET YOUR PARKING VALIDATED! [CASTLE DOOR CLOSES.]
OH, POOH.
A WAR.
AND SO I STAND CORRECTED NOT EVERYONE'S OUR FRIEND THAT DICTATOR HE WANTS A WAR SO OUR COUNTRY WE'LL DEFEND THIS MEANS WAR THIS MEANS WAR THIS MEANS WAR OF COURSE YOU KNOW THIS MEANS WAR YES HURRY, YOUR MAJESTY.
THESE ARE DESPERATE TIMES.
YOU MUST MEE THE CABINET.
HELLO.
I'M YAKKO.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
SIRE? WAIT TILL WE'RE ALONE.
GENTLEMEN, PLEASE BE SEATED.
AH-AH-AH-AH.
I DIDN' SAY SIMON SAYS.
SIMON SAYS PLEASE BE SEATED.
SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN? OUR ARMY HASN' BEEN TO WAR IN 200 YEARS.
THEY SHOULD BE WELL-RESTED.
WE MUST PREPARE THE TROOPS.
FIRST WE MUS GET NEW WEAPONS.
NO, FIRST WE MUST HAVE A NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM.
HIT IT.
OH, THE ANVILS SHINE IN MY OLD ANVILANIAN HOME THANK YOU.
PLEASE BE SEATED.
A-HA.
VERY GOOD.
SIMON SAYS PLEASE BE SEATED.
YOUR MAJESTY, IF I MAY I WISH YOU WOULD.
IF WE POSITION OUR ARMY ON THE NORTHERN BORDER, AND A BATTALION OF TANKS ON THE LEFT FLANK, WE'LL FORCE THE ATTACKERS INTO THIS NARROW VALLEY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? SORRY, I DOZED OFF THERE FOR A SECOND.
I ASKED WHAT YOU THINK.
I THINK WE SHOULD CHOOSE TEAMS AND PLAY SHUFFLEBOARD.
I'LL TAKE YOU, YOUAND YOU, IF YOU'LL HAVE ME.
BUT YOUR HIGHNESS-- IT'LL BE YOUR HIGHNESS IF YOU DEFY ME.
WE MUST PREPARE.
VERY WELL.
DOT, WAKKO AS KING OF ANVILANIA, I APPOINT YOU GENERAL OF THE ARMED FORCES.
PREPARE THE TROOPS.
YOU'RE APPOINTED MINSTER OF GIRLIE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THAT COVERS A LOT.
I KNOW! WE NEED UNIFORMS! HOW ABOUT THESE? POLKA DOT? POLKA DOT? NOT AGAIN.
OHH.
NOW, ON WITH THE PLAN.
THE MEETING IS ADJOURNED.
YOU'RE ALL DISMISSED.
AH-AH.
SIMON DIDN'T SAY.
I THINK THIS UNIFORM NEEDS SOMETHING-- SOMETHING THAT SAYS I'M HERE TO DESTROY YOU, BUT WITH A SENSE OF FUN.
I GOT IT! WEAR YOUR UNDERWEAR OUTSIDE YOUR PANTS.
HEY, IT WORKED FOR MADONNA.
YOU'RE ABOU TO HEAD INTO WAR.
I WON'T LIE.
SOME OF YOU MAY NOT RETURN, AND THE REST OF YOU DEFINITELY WON'T.
ALTHOUGH WAR IS A CRUEL AND BRUTAL AFFAIR, IT IS ALSO DANGEROUS AND STUPID.
YOU MAY GET SQUASHED LIKE A BUG OR CRUNCHED LIKE SHREDDED WHEA INTO DUS OR RIPPED APART.
AAH! AAH! AAH! MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE LIED A LITTLE.
WE'LL GO TO WAR OURSELVES.
HOW HARD COULD IT BE? THIS HARD.
OOH.
WE'LL NEED A FEW COMMERCIALS TO FIGURE THIS OUT.
HEY, I NEED THAT! YOU THINK THIS PLAN WILL WORK? IT BETTER.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY MORE COMMERCIALS.
NO SIGN OF THE ANVILANIAN ARMY OR DICTATORSHIP.
WHAT? THERE'S NO SIGN OF THE ANVILANIANS! THANK YOU.
[ROLLING.]
WAIT.
WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A PRESEN FOR THE DICTATOR.
IT'S A PRESEN FOR YOU.
WHAT? A PRESENT FOR YOU! THANK YOU.
BRING IT IN.
HIT IT! ANVILANIAAA ANVILANIAAA ANVILLAAAAAAAA AAANIAAAA IT'S THEIR SECRET WEAPON.
[YAWN.]
WHAT? [SNORING.]
AHHH.
IT WORKED.
COME, MY SIBLINGS, WE MUST CAPTURE THE FLAG.
NOW THAT YOU'VE WON THE WAR, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? I'M GOING TO DIS-- HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
WHY AREN'T YOU ASLEEP? WHAT? ENOUGH WITH THE WHAT JOKES.
WE WIN.
WAR'S OVER.
GO HOME.
YOU HAVE NO ARMY.
NO HARD FEELINGS.
HA! I DON'T NEED AN ARMY NOW BECAUSE I'VE GOT YOU.
AND ONCE YOU'RE GONE, I'LL HAVE YOUR COUNTRY AS WELL.
WAIT.
YOU'RE FORGETTING SOMETHING.
WHAT? BEING AN EVIL VILLAIN, YOU ARE CONTRACTUALLY REQUIRED TO EXPLAIN YOUR PLAN BEFORE DISPOSING OF US.
OH, RIGHT.
AFTER I'VE DISPOSED OF YOU, I WILL CONTROL ANVILANIA AND THEN FINALLY, THE ANVILS WILL ALL BE MINE! ANVILS? ANVILS? ANVILS? YES.
I WILL HAVE ALL THE ANVILS.
EXSQUEEZE ME.
THIS IS ABOUT ANVILS? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO? YOU CAN HAVE MY ANVIL.
I DON'T WAN THIS TINY THING.
THEN HAVE THIS ONE.
NO! NOT ME.
I'M KEEPING MINE.
NO, NO! I WANT BIG ANVILS AND LOTS OF THEM.
NO PROBLEM.
WAIT RIGHT HERE.
ACTUALLY WAIT RIGHT HERE.
[CLUNK.]
THOSE KIND OF ANVILS? YES! O.
K.
[THUD.]
[CLANG.]
FACTORY DIRECT TO YOU.
NO MIDDLE MAN! I AM THE KING! [GASP.]
FIRE! YOU LITTLE-- WHERE DID THEY GO? I BLEE WO POOR LITTLE EVIL FELLOW WHO ASKED FOR IT.
HERE.
YOU CAN HAVE MY ANVIL AFTER ALL.
AAH.
THAT COMPLETES THE DELIVERY.
JUST SIGN HERE.
OHH, YOU WIN.
I GIVE UP.
I SURRENDER.
DO WITH ME WHAT YOU WILL.
MR.
TATOR, I'VE GOT A PUNISHMEN THAT'S FAIR, JUST, AND CLEVER-- OR MAYBE JUS FAIRLY CLEVER.
WHATEVER.
WE THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND OF THE WAR WE NOW REPORT OUR COUNTRY HAD BEEN THREATENED BY A MEAN AND CRAFTY MAN HE WANTED ALL OUR ANVILS AND OUR COUNTRY IN THE CAN WE GATHERED UP THE BRAVEST MEN BUT THEY ALL RAN AWAY SO WAKKO, DOT, AND I THE KING WENT OFF TO EARN OUR PAY THE BATTLE, IT WAS FIERCE BUT WE ROLLED WITH THE PUNCH THE ODDS, THEY WERE AGAINST US SIX HOURS WITHOUT LUNCH WE FOOLED THE OLD DICTATOR AND HIS CASTLE WAS DESTROYED BUT WE'RE NOT MEAN AND NOW WITH US HE'S GAINFULLY EMPLOYED THIS ANVIL WAS SO BIG HOW BIG WAS IT? THIS BIG.
SO NOW WON'T YOU JOIN US FOR COUNTRY AND THE KING? RAISE YOUR HAMMERS HIGH AND LE THE ANVILS RING LET THE ANVILS RING LET THE ANVILS RING [DING DONG.]
[DING.]
[DONG.]
POLKA DOT? POLKA DOT? WHY NOT? GOODBYE, NURSE!