Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e47 Episode Script
Dead Duck
# Daring duck of mystery Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes But his number's up # Darkwing Duck When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing, Darkwing Duck # Cloud of smoke and he appears # Master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind that shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure But bad guys are out of luck # 'Cause here comes - # Darkwing Duck - # Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out, you bad boys # Darkwing Duck # [sirens blaring.]
There's Megavolt! Heading south on North Street.
That overrated, overdressed crime fighter isn't gonna short-circuit my scheme.
I can't wait to sock it to that socket-headed simpleton.
He's heading into Andy's Anvil Factory.
I got a bad feeling about this.
Why couldn't it be a pillow factory, just once? The duck hasn't been hatched who can stop me.
[object approaching.]
- [thudding.]
- Whoa! There's nothing I can't do.
[chortles.]
Why, that electronic egomaniac! I bet you can't do this Ha! Any idiot can do that.
Ow! Ooh! [grunts.]
OK, so it just proves I'm not any idiot.
It's all over, Megavolt.
Your goose is cooked.
[cackles.]
Oh, yeah? That shows what you know.
[sizzling.]
It has a good 20 minutes left.
[object approaching.]
[slurring.]
Look at that.
Ruined a perfectly good helmet.
Whoa.
That head's not looking too great, either.
Hate to run, but crime waits for no man.
Come on, Launchpad.
Let's get dangerous.
Darkwing, wait! We can't go anywhere, DW.
You're not wearing a helmet.
An anvil fell on it and I don't have time to get a new one.
Eh, driving without a helmet.
That seems kind of too dangerous if you ask me.
Don't worry, Launchpad.
I'll be careful.
I mean, a lot of people look up to you.
What if somebody saw you not wearing a helmet, and Launchpad, give it a rest! - [engine revving.]
- [tires squealing.]
- Where'd he go? Which way did he go? - He went that way, DW.
But we are goin' that way! Kids, don't try this at home.
Well, huh That wasn't so bad.
I'd have expected that crashing headfirst through a brick wall would be more painful.
[laughs.]
[screaming.]
[grunting.]
Oh! Oh! Ah! Oh! Somebody better get that hole fixed, or somebody's gonna have a lawsuit on their hands.
Whew! Where am I, anyway? Well, judging from the intolerably long lines, I'd say this must be some sort of theme park.
What in the devil is going on? Darkwing Duck? Is that [chuckles.]
Boy, am I thrilled to make your acquaintance or what? Uh, yeah, thank you, but But who are you and where am I? Me? [chuckles.]
- Why, I'm [whispers.]
- You are? - And this is [whispers.]
- It is?! You got it.
Hey, used car salesman, will you move it, all right? [screaming.]
Maybe you could tell me how I get out of here.
Out of here? [chuckles.]
That's a good one.
Out of Ha! You don't.
That's the answer.
Hey.
Hold it a second.
Hey! Hey, senator, eternity's waiting and I ain't got all day, huh? [screaming.]
Getting you on the guest list is gonna look great on my résumé.
Hey, wait.
Where do you think you're going? I got better things to do with my life than hang around here.
Hey, you can't just walk out of here.
Hey, we got rules, we got regulations, you know? And we also Hold on a second.
Hey, plumber! Will you get back in line! What's the matter with you?! Sorry, Lucifer, but I wouldn't be caught dead down here.
Open up.
Open up or I'll sue! I got the best attorneys around, you! - [elevator bell dings.]
- [grunts.]
[elevator bell dings.]
[male.]
Yes, sir.
May I help you? Why, you are Mr.
Darkwing Duck, are you not? Yeah, and I, uh, seem to be a little lost.
I'll just check the reservations.
Let me see, uh, Da Vinci, Darwin, Durante Well, now this is highly peculiar.
There's no record of a "Darkwing Duck.
" Hmm Perhaps it's under Drake Mallard.
What reservation? I How'd you know that I was?! Hey, for Pete's sake, Pete! Will you quit hoggin' the personnel? I am certain this gentleman belongs up here.
Him? [chuckles.]
Not on your life.
He's a lousy, rotten, all-around bad egg.
And I get him.
Sir, he is a famously fearless fighter of crime.
[Lucifer.]
Look at those shifty, little beady eyes, eh? [Pete.]
Ah, the better to see villains with.
- [Lucifer.]
He's evil.
- [Peter.]
He's good.
[both shouting.]
Hold it.
Tell you what.
We'll flip for him, eh? Tails I get the dead guy, head he's yours.
Just a minute here! - Who's dead? - You, sir.
[laughing.]
Oh, no, no, no.
Not me.
Dead? I never felt better.
If you two think I'm dead, you're dead wrong.
[elevator bell dings.]
Launchpad? Excuse me.
Have you seen a sidekick around? Stands about so high.
[scoffs.]
Yuppie snob.
[sighs.]
Oh, what a day.
I'm dead on my feet.
- [door opens, shuts.]
- [sobbing.]
Gosalyn, Launchpad, what's wrong? Oh, what's the matter, sweetheart? Bad grades, sad movie? Launchpad cooked dinner? [sniffles, cries hysterically.]
Oh, DW.
Yes, yes, you called? How will we ever get along without him? [shouting.]
Without who?! What are you talking about?! [sobbing.]
Oh Launchpad, I can't believe he's gone! Gosalyn, honey, I'm right here in the pink.
Well, light pink, anyway.
[sniffles.]
Gee, it's like I can almost still hear him.
[shouting.]
Almost?! If I yell any louder, I'll rupture something! Launchpad, I think I can hear him.
You gotta hear me! It's a matter of life and death! [both screaming.]
Dad is that you? Of course I'm me, who else would I be? Dad! You're alive! [grunts.]
Well, you're something, anyway.
Oh! I'm glad to have you back, whatever you are.
Something's happened to me.
I don't know what, but I need your help.
You don't need help, DW, you need an undertaker.
Let's get one thing straight.
I am not dead! But, Dad If you're not dead, what are you? Hmm.
I did walk all the way across town, and no one even asked for an autograph.
It was like they didn't even see me.
Maybe we can see you because we care so much about you.
I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to find out.
I've got it! Who knows more about the vastly unusual, and altogether otherworldly, than Morgana Macawber? [thundering.]
Dark, darling, you look as if you have one foot in the grave.
Actually, both.
Oh, so Morgana, you can see me too, eh? Some people have been having trouble doing that.
Except those who really care about me.
So you got any hocus pocus to get my dad back among the living? Oh [stammers.]
Well, there's reincarnation, but that's a very grave matter.
- Yeah.
And it's DW's grave.
- [snaps.]
I think there may be something in here.
Yes! Here it is.
"Liberty gibbet and spirit placation Bring Darkwing back through reincarnation!" Well, you got the "carnation" part down.
There's gotta be some way you can bring him back from the dead.
I wish everybody would quit calling me dead.
I'm just going to have to show them that I'm still a viable member of society.
On the next Opal Windbag Show, supervillains who kill crime fighters, - and the agents who represent them, - What?! I'm dead, and he gets booked on talk shows?! What am I saying? I am not dead! That's it! I'll stop that assaulting battery, and prove I'm still alive and kicking.
Uh-huh.
And who do you see playing me in the movie? [Darkwing.]
I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the ghost of a chance that you don't have.
I am Darkwing Duck! - [exclaiming.]
- Jeff, baby, you're killing me.
I know you wanna keep it cheap, but let's shell out the bucks for a star.
I'm taking this to the you-know-who brothers.
[panting.]
There has got to be some way I can fight this guy.
I have to prove, once and for all, - that I am not - [growling.]
dead.
[shuddering, stammering.]
Let me take a wild guess, you're Death, right? I [gulps.]
thought so.
And you want me to come with you? Yeah, well, I guess I can't deny it anymore.
Please, after you.
Ha! What a sap! Can you believe that guy? He falls for the oldest trick in the b Uh [squeals.]
[wind howling.]
[panting.]
I think I Iost him, finally.
- [wheezing.]
- [pounding on door.]
[Darkwing gasps.]
This afternoon I was at death's door, now Death is at my door.
Wrong address.
No Darkwing Duck here.
Next house down.
- [pounding on door.]
- I'm comin', I'm comin'! Binkie, the gardener's here.
Oh, I can't just stand here and let Death take Herb.
Can I? I mean, the world needs Darkwing Duck, while Herb Muddlefoot serves no particular purpose.
All right! You win! Here I am! [grunts.]
[whistles.]
No, over here.
Morgana, poopsie, I'm not trying to be pushy, but I don't know how much longer I can keep giving that old repo man the slip.
You've gotta cure Dad of this case of deadness, so he can stop Megavolt.
"Megavolt will be signing his new book, Doing Away With Superheroes for Fun and Profit, " Hmm.
I wonder if I'm in it.
I think I may have found an incantation which will work.
Stand here, Dark, dearest.
"Eye of newt and leg of lamb Mother-of-pearl and a side of ham Pour them all into a mixing bowl And reunite Darkwing, body and soul!" Hey, what the? Wrong sole.
[footsteps retreating.]
Ah, forget it.
You did your best, Morgana.
I guess this was just meant to be.
Gee, DW seems real depressed, even for a dead guy.
You better head home, Gosalyn.
I I'll go check on him.
I'm not gonna sit around and let Megavolt get away with murder.
I wish I'd been at the service.
[chuckles.]
Yeah, I guess you were late for your own funeral, hey, DW? [sighs.]
Not to be morbid, but it would have been gratifying to see the throngs of mourners.
To To hear the national outpouring of grief, to feel the What?! This is it? Is this the end of Darkwing? No mounds of flowers spread over my grave? Where are the the tasteless statues, the monumental memorials to my memory? [crying.]
Why, why, why? Why didn't I hire a good press agent when I had the chance? Mr.
Volt, you were responsible for the death of a well-known crime fighter.
Has your life changed? [Megavolt.]
Of course, Opal, I'm recognized everywhere, I make tons of money and I've just written this bestselling book, [stammers.]
Uh, you don't want to watch this, DW.
- How 'bout we watch cartoons? - [Gosalyn.]
If you killed somebody, why aren't you in jail? Let me talk, I'm a citizen, What is Gosalyn doing at the TV studio? If you bought this book, you should demand a refund! All right, that's going too far! Maybe I didn't do away with Darkwing, but in my new show, I'll do away with this little brat, Stay tuned for,,, Megavolt's Crime of the Week.
I may be dead, but I still have enough life in me to save Gosalyn.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Megavolt Live, starring me, the greatest, the most invincible villain of all time.
- Darkwing Duck! - Huh?! Where, where?! [chuckles.]
Just a cheap stall on the part of my special guest victim.
Darkwing is a dead duck, remember? [panting.]
All right, Megavolt, you can just stop right there, right now.
- OK? - And what's this? Yet another guest victim.
Twice the victims means twice the excitement.
Maybe even twice the ratings! Don't worry, I'll save you.
All I have to do is [choking.]
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I forgot all about you.
[deep voice.]
But I did not forget about you.
Sorry, pal, but you'll just have to wait.
I have some lives to save here.
Hey! You can't do this to me! You can't! Oh, I've been doing it for quite some time now.
Trust me, I know my job.
Oh, look Come on, let me go.
Let me - [Death growling.]
- [crows cawing.]
Look, I'm sure we can work something out.
I have a life insurance policy I could cash in.
- I won't be needing it, you know.
- Why does everyone hate me so? Why does everyone try to run from me, or try to bribe me.
Don't people know how that makes me feel? Come on.
There's gotta be some kind of deal we could work out.
I know! You think you're pretty smart, don't you? I have, over the millennia, acquired an expertise in many fields.
Well, I bet I can do something you can't do.
[chuckles.]
I find that highly unlikely.
What say we make a deal? I had hoped we were beyond this.
If I can do something you can't, you give me one more hour to go save Gosalyn.
Well, since there is nothing you can do that I cannot do it's a deal.
OK, let's see you do this Why, I'm sure it's very simple.
I just, um Hmm [grunting.]
- [continues grunting.]
- [blows.]
- [bones cracking.]
- Ew! Oh, I hate when that happens.
It's so embarrassing.
Well, looks like I win.
See you around, sucker! [Death.]
Yes you will.
Oh! Guess you just can't keep a good duck down.
Don't worry, I'll save you.
Just as soon as I untie these knots.
Which I can't.
But you can, Launchpad.
And now, on with the show! - [zapping.]
- [buzzing.]
Move your hand to the left.
No, your other left.
Just a little more.
And here it comes.
Woo-hoo! The moment you've all been waiting for.
- [zapping.]
- [whirring.]
- Now what, DW? - You get to act like a hero, Launchpad.
Tell him that [whispers.]
[clears throat.]
It's all over, Dim Bulb.
What are you doing? This isn't in the script.
Duck! Grab the cord.
Hey! We're on live TV here.
Say, "I am cutting the power on your evil scheme.
" [clears throat.]
I am cutting the power on your evil scheme.
- You'll never work in this town again.
- No ad-libbing! Tell him to come peacefully, and raise your right hand.
Come peacefully, and raise your right hand.
Just do it.
You may have my remote control, but I have her! Uh, now what, DW? Tell him there is nothing in this world as precious as life.
[stammering.]
There's nothing [clears throat.]
There's nothing in this world as precious as life.
- [chomping.]
- Yeah?! Come again? [whispering.]
Uh If you only worry about yourself, you're just gonna end up lonely and unhappy.
I am? Ye have to treat others with the respect and kindness that they deserve.
Perfect! Now mutilate him.
Hey, what happened to respect and kindness? Hurry, Launchpad, we have to get to Morgana's before my hour's up.
[Morgana.]
Oh, I checked all my books, but I'm afraid Well, it's like this The common cold goes away in three to five days Death is a little more permanent.
I'm very sorry, Dark, dearest.
- [clock chimes.]
- [Death.]
Uh, Mr.
Mallard I trust there won't be anymore stalling.
Just give me one more minute to say goodbye.
Very well.
One more minute.
I do hope I'm not going soft.
Goodbye, Morgana.
I'm sorry we never had a chance to get together.
- [Launchpad crying.]
- So long, pal.
You were the best sidekick I ever worked with.
Of course, you were the only sidekick that - Take good care of Gosalyn.
- [crying.]
Oh, bye-bye, Gosalyn, honey.
I love you.
Remember wash behind your ears, eat your vegetables, - stay out of prison, and - Darkwing, we really must be going.
Well, so long everybody.
Don't expect any postcards.
All right.
I'm ready.
Let's go.
[crying.]
Look at him.
Look how brave he is.
[whining.]
Aw, come on, I don't wanna die! Come on, don't make me.
Don't make me.
Give me a chance.
I'll never ride without a helmet again, I promise.
I promise! I promise! I'll even wear a helmet to bed! - Whoa, easy on the fabric, DW.
- Launchpad? That was some bump you got on your head there.
It's a miracle you weren't killed.
Oh, but Gosalyn, I was killed.
And you were there.
And you [stammers.]
And I'm not dead.
I'm alive! I'm really alive! Yes! I am alive! There's my couch, there's my chair.
Oh There's that rug I always trip over, I love that rug.
Hey, wait a minute.
You're telling me I went through all that mental anguish over a dream?! What a cheat! But, anyway, the point is I'm alive and well and definitely not dead! Oh, this is so wonderful.
I wanna celebrate! I'll have a party.
I'll invite everyone.
There'll be balloons and streamers And a cake, and Would, uh, you have the correct time? [shuddering.]
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck
There's Megavolt! Heading south on North Street.
That overrated, overdressed crime fighter isn't gonna short-circuit my scheme.
I can't wait to sock it to that socket-headed simpleton.
He's heading into Andy's Anvil Factory.
I got a bad feeling about this.
Why couldn't it be a pillow factory, just once? The duck hasn't been hatched who can stop me.
[object approaching.]
- [thudding.]
- Whoa! There's nothing I can't do.
[chortles.]
Why, that electronic egomaniac! I bet you can't do this Ha! Any idiot can do that.
Ow! Ooh! [grunts.]
OK, so it just proves I'm not any idiot.
It's all over, Megavolt.
Your goose is cooked.
[cackles.]
Oh, yeah? That shows what you know.
[sizzling.]
It has a good 20 minutes left.
[object approaching.]
[slurring.]
Look at that.
Ruined a perfectly good helmet.
Whoa.
That head's not looking too great, either.
Hate to run, but crime waits for no man.
Come on, Launchpad.
Let's get dangerous.
Darkwing, wait! We can't go anywhere, DW.
You're not wearing a helmet.
An anvil fell on it and I don't have time to get a new one.
Eh, driving without a helmet.
That seems kind of too dangerous if you ask me.
Don't worry, Launchpad.
I'll be careful.
I mean, a lot of people look up to you.
What if somebody saw you not wearing a helmet, and Launchpad, give it a rest! - [engine revving.]
- [tires squealing.]
- Where'd he go? Which way did he go? - He went that way, DW.
But we are goin' that way! Kids, don't try this at home.
Well, huh That wasn't so bad.
I'd have expected that crashing headfirst through a brick wall would be more painful.
[laughs.]
[screaming.]
[grunting.]
Oh! Oh! Ah! Oh! Somebody better get that hole fixed, or somebody's gonna have a lawsuit on their hands.
Whew! Where am I, anyway? Well, judging from the intolerably long lines, I'd say this must be some sort of theme park.
What in the devil is going on? Darkwing Duck? Is that [chuckles.]
Boy, am I thrilled to make your acquaintance or what? Uh, yeah, thank you, but But who are you and where am I? Me? [chuckles.]
- Why, I'm [whispers.]
- You are? - And this is [whispers.]
- It is?! You got it.
Hey, used car salesman, will you move it, all right? [screaming.]
Maybe you could tell me how I get out of here.
Out of here? [chuckles.]
That's a good one.
Out of Ha! You don't.
That's the answer.
Hey.
Hold it a second.
Hey! Hey, senator, eternity's waiting and I ain't got all day, huh? [screaming.]
Getting you on the guest list is gonna look great on my résumé.
Hey, wait.
Where do you think you're going? I got better things to do with my life than hang around here.
Hey, you can't just walk out of here.
Hey, we got rules, we got regulations, you know? And we also Hold on a second.
Hey, plumber! Will you get back in line! What's the matter with you?! Sorry, Lucifer, but I wouldn't be caught dead down here.
Open up.
Open up or I'll sue! I got the best attorneys around, you! - [elevator bell dings.]
- [grunts.]
[elevator bell dings.]
[male.]
Yes, sir.
May I help you? Why, you are Mr.
Darkwing Duck, are you not? Yeah, and I, uh, seem to be a little lost.
I'll just check the reservations.
Let me see, uh, Da Vinci, Darwin, Durante Well, now this is highly peculiar.
There's no record of a "Darkwing Duck.
" Hmm Perhaps it's under Drake Mallard.
What reservation? I How'd you know that I was?! Hey, for Pete's sake, Pete! Will you quit hoggin' the personnel? I am certain this gentleman belongs up here.
Him? [chuckles.]
Not on your life.
He's a lousy, rotten, all-around bad egg.
And I get him.
Sir, he is a famously fearless fighter of crime.
[Lucifer.]
Look at those shifty, little beady eyes, eh? [Pete.]
Ah, the better to see villains with.
- [Lucifer.]
He's evil.
- [Peter.]
He's good.
[both shouting.]
Hold it.
Tell you what.
We'll flip for him, eh? Tails I get the dead guy, head he's yours.
Just a minute here! - Who's dead? - You, sir.
[laughing.]
Oh, no, no, no.
Not me.
Dead? I never felt better.
If you two think I'm dead, you're dead wrong.
[elevator bell dings.]
Launchpad? Excuse me.
Have you seen a sidekick around? Stands about so high.
[scoffs.]
Yuppie snob.
[sighs.]
Oh, what a day.
I'm dead on my feet.
- [door opens, shuts.]
- [sobbing.]
Gosalyn, Launchpad, what's wrong? Oh, what's the matter, sweetheart? Bad grades, sad movie? Launchpad cooked dinner? [sniffles, cries hysterically.]
Oh, DW.
Yes, yes, you called? How will we ever get along without him? [shouting.]
Without who?! What are you talking about?! [sobbing.]
Oh Launchpad, I can't believe he's gone! Gosalyn, honey, I'm right here in the pink.
Well, light pink, anyway.
[sniffles.]
Gee, it's like I can almost still hear him.
[shouting.]
Almost?! If I yell any louder, I'll rupture something! Launchpad, I think I can hear him.
You gotta hear me! It's a matter of life and death! [both screaming.]
Dad is that you? Of course I'm me, who else would I be? Dad! You're alive! [grunts.]
Well, you're something, anyway.
Oh! I'm glad to have you back, whatever you are.
Something's happened to me.
I don't know what, but I need your help.
You don't need help, DW, you need an undertaker.
Let's get one thing straight.
I am not dead! But, Dad If you're not dead, what are you? Hmm.
I did walk all the way across town, and no one even asked for an autograph.
It was like they didn't even see me.
Maybe we can see you because we care so much about you.
I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to find out.
I've got it! Who knows more about the vastly unusual, and altogether otherworldly, than Morgana Macawber? [thundering.]
Dark, darling, you look as if you have one foot in the grave.
Actually, both.
Oh, so Morgana, you can see me too, eh? Some people have been having trouble doing that.
Except those who really care about me.
So you got any hocus pocus to get my dad back among the living? Oh [stammers.]
Well, there's reincarnation, but that's a very grave matter.
- Yeah.
And it's DW's grave.
- [snaps.]
I think there may be something in here.
Yes! Here it is.
"Liberty gibbet and spirit placation Bring Darkwing back through reincarnation!" Well, you got the "carnation" part down.
There's gotta be some way you can bring him back from the dead.
I wish everybody would quit calling me dead.
I'm just going to have to show them that I'm still a viable member of society.
On the next Opal Windbag Show, supervillains who kill crime fighters, - and the agents who represent them, - What?! I'm dead, and he gets booked on talk shows?! What am I saying? I am not dead! That's it! I'll stop that assaulting battery, and prove I'm still alive and kicking.
Uh-huh.
And who do you see playing me in the movie? [Darkwing.]
I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the ghost of a chance that you don't have.
I am Darkwing Duck! - [exclaiming.]
- Jeff, baby, you're killing me.
I know you wanna keep it cheap, but let's shell out the bucks for a star.
I'm taking this to the you-know-who brothers.
[panting.]
There has got to be some way I can fight this guy.
I have to prove, once and for all, - that I am not - [growling.]
dead.
[shuddering, stammering.]
Let me take a wild guess, you're Death, right? I [gulps.]
thought so.
And you want me to come with you? Yeah, well, I guess I can't deny it anymore.
Please, after you.
Ha! What a sap! Can you believe that guy? He falls for the oldest trick in the b Uh [squeals.]
[wind howling.]
[panting.]
I think I Iost him, finally.
- [wheezing.]
- [pounding on door.]
[Darkwing gasps.]
This afternoon I was at death's door, now Death is at my door.
Wrong address.
No Darkwing Duck here.
Next house down.
- [pounding on door.]
- I'm comin', I'm comin'! Binkie, the gardener's here.
Oh, I can't just stand here and let Death take Herb.
Can I? I mean, the world needs Darkwing Duck, while Herb Muddlefoot serves no particular purpose.
All right! You win! Here I am! [grunts.]
[whistles.]
No, over here.
Morgana, poopsie, I'm not trying to be pushy, but I don't know how much longer I can keep giving that old repo man the slip.
You've gotta cure Dad of this case of deadness, so he can stop Megavolt.
"Megavolt will be signing his new book, Doing Away With Superheroes for Fun and Profit, " Hmm.
I wonder if I'm in it.
I think I may have found an incantation which will work.
Stand here, Dark, dearest.
"Eye of newt and leg of lamb Mother-of-pearl and a side of ham Pour them all into a mixing bowl And reunite Darkwing, body and soul!" Hey, what the? Wrong sole.
[footsteps retreating.]
Ah, forget it.
You did your best, Morgana.
I guess this was just meant to be.
Gee, DW seems real depressed, even for a dead guy.
You better head home, Gosalyn.
I I'll go check on him.
I'm not gonna sit around and let Megavolt get away with murder.
I wish I'd been at the service.
[chuckles.]
Yeah, I guess you were late for your own funeral, hey, DW? [sighs.]
Not to be morbid, but it would have been gratifying to see the throngs of mourners.
To To hear the national outpouring of grief, to feel the What?! This is it? Is this the end of Darkwing? No mounds of flowers spread over my grave? Where are the the tasteless statues, the monumental memorials to my memory? [crying.]
Why, why, why? Why didn't I hire a good press agent when I had the chance? Mr.
Volt, you were responsible for the death of a well-known crime fighter.
Has your life changed? [Megavolt.]
Of course, Opal, I'm recognized everywhere, I make tons of money and I've just written this bestselling book, [stammers.]
Uh, you don't want to watch this, DW.
- How 'bout we watch cartoons? - [Gosalyn.]
If you killed somebody, why aren't you in jail? Let me talk, I'm a citizen, What is Gosalyn doing at the TV studio? If you bought this book, you should demand a refund! All right, that's going too far! Maybe I didn't do away with Darkwing, but in my new show, I'll do away with this little brat, Stay tuned for,,, Megavolt's Crime of the Week.
I may be dead, but I still have enough life in me to save Gosalyn.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Megavolt Live, starring me, the greatest, the most invincible villain of all time.
- Darkwing Duck! - Huh?! Where, where?! [chuckles.]
Just a cheap stall on the part of my special guest victim.
Darkwing is a dead duck, remember? [panting.]
All right, Megavolt, you can just stop right there, right now.
- OK? - And what's this? Yet another guest victim.
Twice the victims means twice the excitement.
Maybe even twice the ratings! Don't worry, I'll save you.
All I have to do is [choking.]
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I forgot all about you.
[deep voice.]
But I did not forget about you.
Sorry, pal, but you'll just have to wait.
I have some lives to save here.
Hey! You can't do this to me! You can't! Oh, I've been doing it for quite some time now.
Trust me, I know my job.
Oh, look Come on, let me go.
Let me - [Death growling.]
- [crows cawing.]
Look, I'm sure we can work something out.
I have a life insurance policy I could cash in.
- I won't be needing it, you know.
- Why does everyone hate me so? Why does everyone try to run from me, or try to bribe me.
Don't people know how that makes me feel? Come on.
There's gotta be some kind of deal we could work out.
I know! You think you're pretty smart, don't you? I have, over the millennia, acquired an expertise in many fields.
Well, I bet I can do something you can't do.
[chuckles.]
I find that highly unlikely.
What say we make a deal? I had hoped we were beyond this.
If I can do something you can't, you give me one more hour to go save Gosalyn.
Well, since there is nothing you can do that I cannot do it's a deal.
OK, let's see you do this Why, I'm sure it's very simple.
I just, um Hmm [grunting.]
- [continues grunting.]
- [blows.]
- [bones cracking.]
- Ew! Oh, I hate when that happens.
It's so embarrassing.
Well, looks like I win.
See you around, sucker! [Death.]
Yes you will.
Oh! Guess you just can't keep a good duck down.
Don't worry, I'll save you.
Just as soon as I untie these knots.
Which I can't.
But you can, Launchpad.
And now, on with the show! - [zapping.]
- [buzzing.]
Move your hand to the left.
No, your other left.
Just a little more.
And here it comes.
Woo-hoo! The moment you've all been waiting for.
- [zapping.]
- [whirring.]
- Now what, DW? - You get to act like a hero, Launchpad.
Tell him that [whispers.]
[clears throat.]
It's all over, Dim Bulb.
What are you doing? This isn't in the script.
Duck! Grab the cord.
Hey! We're on live TV here.
Say, "I am cutting the power on your evil scheme.
" [clears throat.]
I am cutting the power on your evil scheme.
- You'll never work in this town again.
- No ad-libbing! Tell him to come peacefully, and raise your right hand.
Come peacefully, and raise your right hand.
Just do it.
You may have my remote control, but I have her! Uh, now what, DW? Tell him there is nothing in this world as precious as life.
[stammering.]
There's nothing [clears throat.]
There's nothing in this world as precious as life.
- [chomping.]
- Yeah?! Come again? [whispering.]
Uh If you only worry about yourself, you're just gonna end up lonely and unhappy.
I am? Ye have to treat others with the respect and kindness that they deserve.
Perfect! Now mutilate him.
Hey, what happened to respect and kindness? Hurry, Launchpad, we have to get to Morgana's before my hour's up.
[Morgana.]
Oh, I checked all my books, but I'm afraid Well, it's like this The common cold goes away in three to five days Death is a little more permanent.
I'm very sorry, Dark, dearest.
- [clock chimes.]
- [Death.]
Uh, Mr.
Mallard I trust there won't be anymore stalling.
Just give me one more minute to say goodbye.
Very well.
One more minute.
I do hope I'm not going soft.
Goodbye, Morgana.
I'm sorry we never had a chance to get together.
- [Launchpad crying.]
- So long, pal.
You were the best sidekick I ever worked with.
Of course, you were the only sidekick that - Take good care of Gosalyn.
- [crying.]
Oh, bye-bye, Gosalyn, honey.
I love you.
Remember wash behind your ears, eat your vegetables, - stay out of prison, and - Darkwing, we really must be going.
Well, so long everybody.
Don't expect any postcards.
All right.
I'm ready.
Let's go.
[crying.]
Look at him.
Look how brave he is.
[whining.]
Aw, come on, I don't wanna die! Come on, don't make me.
Don't make me.
Give me a chance.
I'll never ride without a helmet again, I promise.
I promise! I promise! I'll even wear a helmet to bed! - Whoa, easy on the fabric, DW.
- Launchpad? That was some bump you got on your head there.
It's a miracle you weren't killed.
Oh, but Gosalyn, I was killed.
And you were there.
And you [stammers.]
And I'm not dead.
I'm alive! I'm really alive! Yes! I am alive! There's my couch, there's my chair.
Oh There's that rug I always trip over, I love that rug.
Hey, wait a minute.
You're telling me I went through all that mental anguish over a dream?! What a cheat! But, anyway, the point is I'm alive and well and definitely not dead! Oh, this is so wonderful.
I wanna celebrate! I'll have a party.
I'll invite everyone.
There'll be balloons and streamers And a cake, and Would, uh, you have the correct time? [shuddering.]
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