Batman s01e59 Episode Script

Not a bad night's take.
- What happened to the lights? - What the heck? Here.
Put them on.
Hurry.
Now.
It went down smooth, Scarface, just like you said.
That's just the beginning, boys.
Soon we're gonna own this town.
- Have pity on an old man's blood pressure.
- What is it, Jim? We're taking a pounding over this new gang.
Their boss puts heists together smooth as a Swiss watchmaker.
- What have you got for me? - Not much.
We don't know who the boss is or any of the gang members.
But a video enthusiast taped them leaving the scene of their latest crime.
- Interested? - Always.
Let me know if you need any help.
Not much of a plot, is it, sir? They're clever.
Masks, gloves.
No way they can be identified.
A tattoo.
Who you looking for, Bat-breath? - First guess is you.
- Don't get wise with me.
- I might not like you.
- You're breaking my heart, Rhino.
I ain't scared of you, but you ain't gonna trick me into taking a swing at you.
You got nothing on me.
You seem to have me confused with the police, Rhino.
I want information, and I'll get it any way I please.
Who's your boss? You want information, watch the news.
You've got a hard head.
How about using it for something besides a blunt object? Well, if it isn't Charles "Rhino" Daily.
- Why don't you run along home.
- Your ma's probably waiting up.
Guy like that, I'm not so sure a bullet would stop him.
Hey, I'm not so sure a tank would stop him.
I gotta see the boss.
He's sleeping.
He said he's not to be disturbed.
Hey, man, it's important.
Batman's on our case.
I see.
I'll see what I can do.
Sir, I'm terribly sorry.
Hey, I'm sleeping here.
I lay down, I close my eyes, what's that tell you? Yes, sir, but Rhino says it's important.
Oh, Rhino says it's important, huh? Well, it better be or there's gonna be fireworks, get me? Okay, take me out there.
This better be good, yous mugs.
Okay, talk, Rhino.
What's so important I can't get a good night's sleep? Batman's got me figured, Scarface.
I don't know how, but he came down on me like a cast-iron safe.
Batman? We're talking real trouble.
What are we gonna? Who you talking to, creep? He's just the hired help.
I'm the boss here.
You talk to me.
Sorry, boss.
He's new.
He don't know the score.
Well, he better get with the program pretty quick.
I don't stand for no lack of respect.
This Batman business can only mean one thing: We got us a squealer.
No, boss, that can't be.
None of us wanna screw up a sweet deal like this.
Glad to hear it, Mugsy, because if there is and I find him, it's drapes for that rat! Now, Mr.
Scarface, remember your blood pressure.
Shut up! I want your opinion, dummy, I'll pull your string.
He's just tired.
Irritable.
He's really a genius, Scarface is.
You mean the Ventriloquist is a genius.
Nah.
Like Scarface said, he's just hired help.
Scarface, he's the real brains.
Mr.
Scarface? My advice to you, don't make a sound.
I'm looking for evidence.
Evidence of your previous robberies.
- Robberies? - Don't be coy.
- Cooperate and it could go easier for you.
- He doesn't tell me anything.
Not his plans, not where he hides the loot.
I swear, I'm just a flunky.
I know nothing.
You can think I'm dumb, just don't talk to me like I'm dumb.
I don't know anything, I tell you.
Let me go before he Hey, who's making all the racket? That you, dummy? Oh, no.
Don't let him find me with you.
You don't know how dangerous he is.
He sees me talking to you, I'm a goner.
Please.
Dummy, get in here.
Sorry, Mr.
Scarface, I couldn't sleep.
I need my beauty rest here, dummy.
That's twice you waked me up.
Do it again, you're gonna be wearing a pine overcoat, get me? You're sweating.
What's going on, and don't feed me no apples.
Nothing, sir.
I was just having a bad dream.
What did you leave that window open for? This ain't no meat locker.
I'm cold.
Yes, sir, I'll shut it right now.
It's called multiple personality syndrome disorder, Alfred.
Two personalities in one brain, completely separate.
Neither one knows what the other is thinking.
Listen.
Batman's so hot, let's see him swim Gotham Bay in concrete boots.
A good idea, Mr.
Scarface.
Bet your bow tie I'm right, dummy.
Say, who dresses you anyway? You're such a kidder, Mr.
Scarface.
I'd swear it was two separate people.
You're not alone.
Even the computer is fooled.
When I studied with Zatara the Magician, he taught me about ventriloquism and voice-throwing.
How to make your voice seem to come from across the room.
This Ventriloquist could give Zatara lessons.
You've had your share of odd opponents, sir, but this one does take the biscuit.
Any idea where he, or they, will strike next? No.
Scarface keeps his plans secret until the last minute.
I'll just have to listen in for as long as it takes.
All right, yous mugs, listen good.
There's a shipment of platinum gonna be loaded onto the luxury liner Majestic.
- We're gonna - Platinum? But, boss, don't they send stuff like that by freighter? - I'm talking here! - Okay, okay.
Sorry, boss.
It's a trick, see? They think no one will suspect the shipment's on a liner.
But they're like yous mugs.
Stupid.
Not smart like me.
We'll slip in, get the goods and skedaddle before the ship leaves the harbor.
One more thing I smell a double-cross.
Woke up last night with one of them whatchamacallits.
Prema"Premanotion.
" - "Premonition"? - Don't put words in my mouth! All I'm saying here is I got this feeling somebody here is out to get me.
And I'm gonna get them first.
I don't know who it is yet, but I will.
And when I do: Now, here's the details.
Listen up.
I ain't gonna repeat myself.
Yippee-ki-yay.
See, the Bat's not so tough.
Comes up against Scarface, he's just another dummy.
It was a trap, Bats, start to finish.
And you fell for it like a world-class sucker.
The dummy here spilled the beans you'd been in his room.
I had the room searched and lookie what I found.
You're not as smart as you think you are, Scarface.
I'd watch my mouth if I were you, Bats.
One bullet through that rope and you're history.
Get my point? How do you think I found this place, the phone book? I had help, inside help.
My premanotion.
I knew I was right.
- Which one of you louses is it? - It ain't me, boss.
I know it ain't you, Rhino.
You're too stupid to be a traitor.
Thanks, boss.
But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it? You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage.
- And if I tell? - Maybe you just get run over by a truck.
Tempting but no.
- Have it your way.
Rhino.
- Hold it.
- This is getting old, Bats.
Last chance.
- Who's the traitor? - Him, the Ventriloquist.
No! No! He's lying.
I told you when he came into my room.
So what? Maybe you did because I had you cornered.
- Heard you talking to Batman.
- Shut up, you blockhead.
What did you say? It wasn't me.
I didn't say that.
My lips didn't move.
So what? You're a ventriloquist.
You're also a lying, yellow, liver-bellied, two-faced No, Scarface, not me.
I'm loyal.
I'd never He's been feeding me information in return for legal protection.
You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains.
Why, I ought to Waste the four-flusher.
Go on.
I gave an order.
Ice him.
Do it! Do it now! But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, you're, you know I'm surrounded by traitors.
Okay, fine.
You want something done right, do it yourself.
Spare me, Scarface.
Please.
I've always been loyal to you.
Go ahead, plead, beg.
It ain't gonna do you no good.
You're lunchmeat, you lousy, no I'm hit, boys.
Get him! - Take him, Rhino! - No problem.
No! The medication has helped him immensely.
His other personality seems to have totally submerged.
- That's very good work.
- Thank you.