Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e60 Episode Script

HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GAME WILL
REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE
A MYSTERY ♪
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FINDING EACH CALAMITY
THE CAT'S SUPERIORITY
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
O-O-OH OH
OH-OH O-O-OH O-OH ♪
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
COME ON, HEATHCLIFF.
DON'T YOU WANT TO PLAY
MOMMY, MARCIE,
AND BABY, HEATHCLIFF?
MEOW.
OH, THAT'S TOO BAD,
BECAUSE WE WERE
GOING TO GO SHOPPING
AT FRANK'S
FRESH FISH FAIR.
[FEIGNING SLEEP]
OH, NOW,
THAT'S A GOOD BABY.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
I'VE JUST GOT TO GE
MY PURSE.
WELL, IF IT ISN'
HEAZY WHEEZY.
AW, HE'S JUS
A LITTLE BITTY KITTY.
OH, HE'S SO CUTE.
All: AWW.
All: HA HA HA!
MEOW!
I'LL TEACH
THOSE AIRHEADS
NOT TO MESS
WITH SUPERBABY.
NOW WHAT CAN
THE LITTLE BABY
BE UP TO NOW?
THERE AIN'T MUCH YOU CAN DO
WITH A TRASH CAN LID.
Heathcliff: YOU'RE RIGHT,
MUSH-BRAIN.
HYAH!
IT'S THE TRASH CAN
YOU'VE GO
TO WATCH OUT FOR.
BLAST OFF!
[HUMMING]
OOH!
THAT'S BETTER.
All: YIKES!
WAIT TILL I GE
MY PAWS ON YOU!
GEE, CAN'T YOU RUN
ANY FASTER?
AW, PUT A LID
ON IT.
RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF.
[LAUGHS]
POOR LITTLE HEATHCLIFF.
DID NASTY OLD CATS
SCARE MY PRECIOUS BABY?
HERE, THIS WILL
MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.
NOW LET'S GET YOU
SOME FISH YUMMIES.
LOOK, BUDDY.
HERE'S MAIN STREET.
AND THERE'S
THE JEWELRY STORE.
OK, MONKS OLD BOY.
IT'S TIME TO CHANGE
INTO OUR DISGUISE
AND STEALS US
SOME JEWELS.
FRANK'S FRESH FISH FAIR.
AND WHAT MAY I DO
FOR YOU, YOUNG LADY?
AH, I WAS JUST WONDERING,
WHAT WOULD BE GOOD
FOR A GROWING BABY?
A FISH, MAYBE?
OH, I GET IT.
WELL, OUR SWORDFISH
IS NICE.
BUT IT MIGHT BE
TOO TOUGH FOR YOUR
LITTLE BABY'S TEETH.
ON THE OTHER HAND,
ONE OF THESE SHRIMP
WOULD BE JUST FINE.
AFTER ALL, WE DON'
WANT HIM TO OVEREA
AND GET A TUMMYACHE,
NOW, DO WE?
IS A PENNY ENOUGH,
SIR?
FOR YOU,
IT'S ON THE HOUSE.
NOW,
ISN'T THAT CUTE!
YOU SEE, HEATHCLIFF?
I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD BE FUN.
NOW LET'S GO HOME
AND BRUSH BABY'S TEETH.
HURRY IT UP, MOOSE.
WE AIN'T GOT ALL DAY.
COOCHIE-COO.
SURE THING, BUDDY, UH,
I MEAN--I MEAN, I MEAN--
[WOMAN'S VOICE]
SURE THING, BUDDY.
CUT IT OUT,
YOU BIG MONKEY!
NOW, NOW.
THAT'S NO WAY TO
TALK TO YOUR MOTHER.
OK, MOM!
I'M SORRY.
NOW LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
WE'VE GOT A JEWELRY STORE
TO ROB.
OH, LOOK, HEATHCLIFF.
IT'S ANOTHER BABY.
OH, WHAT A PRETTY BABY
YOU HAVE.
[MALE VOICE]
GEE, THANKS--
[FEMALE VOICE] I MEAN,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
YOUR BABY IS VERY
PRETTY, TOO.
AW, COME ON.
THAT'S GOT TO BE
THE UGLIEST KID
I'VE EVER SEEN.
YECCH!
IS THAT WHAT THEY'RE
FEEDING BABIES THESE DAYS?
NO WONDER
THEY LOOK SO WEIRD.
OH, BUDDY,
WE'RE HERE!
WELCOME TO JOE'S JEWELRY.
THE BEST DIAMONDS IN TOWN.
OHH, WHAT LOVELY THINGS!
YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
WELL, TAKE YOUR TIME
UNTIL YOU FIND
WHAT YOU REALLY LIKE.
I THINK I FOUND IT.
NOW I'LL JUST QUIETLY
SLIDES IT OFF HIS FINGER.
YEOW!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
BABY WANTS PRETTY RING.
JOE WANTS PRETTY RING.
BABY LOVES CARATS!
HEY, LADY,
YOUR BABY ISN'T A BABY!
AND I AIN'T NO LADY,
EITHER!
HELP!
POLICE!
I'VE BEEN
ROBBED!
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
DON'T WORRY, JOE.
THAT MOTHER
AND BABY DISGUISE
WON'T FOOL ME!
AHA!
THERE THEY ARE!
ALL RIGHT, GIRL.
THE JIG IS UP.
WHERE ARE
THE JEWELS?
FORGET THE JEWELS.
WHERE ARE MY FISH?
HEH HEH HEH HEH.
[BURPS]
MY BABY'S A FISH THIEF?
AND A JEWEL THIEF
AS WELL.
A LITTLE TIME
IN THE SLAMMER
OUGHT TO STIMULATE
YOUR MEMORY.
WELCOME TO OUR
SPECIAL CELL FOR--
HA HA--
CAT BURGLARS.
Buddy: HA HA HA HA!
AND THE BEST PAR
IS HOW THAT WEIRD-LOOKING
ORANGE BABY GOT ARRESTED
FOR OUR JEWEL HEIST.
HEH, HEH!
YEAH! IT KIND OF RESTORES
MY FAITH IN CRIME
AS A WAY OF LIFE.
SO IT WAS THAT UGLY BABY
THAT STOLE THE JEWELS.
HEATHCLIFF!
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW.
OH, I UNDERSTAND,
HEATHCLIFF.
I'LL GET IGGY,
JUST LIKE YOU WANT.
I DON'T WANT IGGY.
I WANT THAT BABY!
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
HEATHY WEATHY?
LIFE BEHIND BARS
GOT YOU DOWN?
LIKE, YEAH.
WE HEAR YOU'RE GOING
TO BE A JAILBIRD FOR AWHILE.
WHEN I FLY THE COOP,
YOU GUYS HAVE HAD IT.
YEAH? WELL,
UNTIL YOU GIVE BACK
THOSE JEWELS,
YOU'RE STUCK
IN THAT BIRDCAGE.
JAILBIRD
BIRDCAGE
HA HA HA HA!
YEAH, WELL,
IT'S AWFULLY NICE
OF YOU GUYS
TO VISI
A DANGEROUS CRIMINAL
LIKE ME.
THOSE CLOWNS DON'
KNOW IT YET,
BUT THEY'RE
GOING TO GET ME
OUT OF HERE.
SAY, WHAT YOU
GOT BEHIND YOU,
HEATHCLIFF?
AH, REVENGE AT LAST!
[GROWLS]
WHAT YOU OUGH
TO BE ASKING
IS WHAT YOU'VE GO
BEHIND YOU.
YAII!YAII!
YAII!
LET US GO!
MY PLEASURE, PAL.
RUFF RUFF RUFF!
WAY TO GO, GUYS.
YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN.
[SNORING]
[RING]
WHAT? OH, NO!
THAT CAT BURGLAR
TRYING TO PUSSYFOO
OUT OF HERE.
AND NOW TO GE
THOSE CROOKS.
FREEZE,
YOU FELONIOUS FELINE!
HMM, I NEED SOME WHEELS.
WELL, WHERE THERE'S A WHEEL,
THERE'S A WAY.
HEY, THAT'S A BABY CARRIAGE,
AND YOU'RE A CAT!
HEH HEH HEH.
NO KIDDING.
DID YOU SAY,
"CAT"?
HE WEN
THAT-A-WAY.
I'M COMMANDEERING
THIS VEHICLE
ON POLICE BUSINESS.
OH, NO!
THAT WEIRD ORANGE KID
IS STILL AFTER US!
HEY, FASTER GUYS!
HE'S GAINING ON US!
COME ON, STEP ON IT!
FASTER, FASTER!
AAH!YEOW!
UH-OH!
UH-OH.
[CRASH]
OH, BOY.
HEATHCLIFF'S REALLY
GOING TO GET IT NOW.
OK, MUMMY,
YOU AND YOUR KID
ARE UNDER ARREST.
AND YOU'RE
THE BRAVEST CA
I'VE EVER SEEN.
SAY, WHAT ABOUT US?
WE'RE BRAVE CATS, TOO.
LET'S SEE
HOW BRAVE YOU ARE.
[GROWLS]
All: AAH!
I'M A JEWEL!
HEH HEH HEH HEH.
OH, HEATHCLIFF,
IT'S TIME TO FINISH
OUR WALK.
AND DON'T WORRY.
IGGY AND I WILL MAKE SURE
NO MEAN, LITTLE BABY
EVER GETS YOU
IN TROUBLE AGAIN.
[MOANING]
HOW AM I GONNA LOOK?
WHAT AM I GONNA SAY?
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
[WHINING]
WOULD YOU
STOP THAT RACKET?
SHUT UP!
OH, WHY DID I
TELL HER THIS HOUSE?
GET OUT OF HERE,
CAT!
OUCH!
OW!OW!OW!
OOF.OOF.OOF.
HEY, RIFF RAFF,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YEAH, YOU LOOK
WORRIED, RIFF RAFF.
I JUST WANTED
TO LOOK GOOD,
THAT'S ALL.
BUT I SHOULD
HAVE KNOWN!
[WHINES]
I HATE ALLEY CATS!
HUH?
HE'S CARRIED AWAY.
NEVER SEEN HIM THIS WAY.
UH, IS SOMETHING WRONG,
RIFF RAFF?
IT'S MY MOM.
I TOLD HER I LIVE HERE.
I TOLD HER
THIS IS MY PLACE.
BEST GARBAGE IN TOWN,
AND YOU FOUND IT.
THAT AIN'T IT.
SHE'S COMING HERE
FOR A VISIT FOR DINNER
IN THIS HOUSE!
YOUR MOM IS COMING
FOR DINNER? HERE?
YOU GUYS,
MY PALS AND BUDDIES,
YOU GOTTA HELP ME.
MY MOM WILL BE HERE
IN AN HOUR.
PLEASE, GUYS, PLEASE!
I NEVER SEEN HIM
THIS SERIOUS.
HE'S DOWN ON HIS KNEES.
YOU HEARD HIM SAY PLEASE.
DUH,
IT'S RAINING SHOES.
THAT OUGH
TO HOLD THEM.
BUT IF THEY
HANG AROUND,
THERE'S MORE
WHEN WE GET BACK.
THEY'RE LEAVING.
THIS IS OUR CHANCE.
WE'LL, UH,
BORROW THE HOUSE,
SERVE DINNER FOR MY MOM,
AND SHE'LL THINK
I'M A SUCCESS. PLEASE!
YOU WON'T BE SORRY.
JUST FOR TONIGHT.
DON'T DO IT FOR ME.
DO IT FOR MY MOM!
OK, BUT JUS
FOR TONIGHT.
AND FOR
YOUR MOMMY.
I'LL ASK CLEO OVER.
SHE CAN HELP, TOO.
THIS WILL BE AN EVENING
MY MOM WILL NEVER FORGET!
NOW, WE AIN'T GOT MUCH TIME,
HECTOR, YOU'RE THE BUTLER.
AND YOU, WORDSWORTH,
YOU'RE THE CHEF.
MY FINGERS IS ITCHIN'
TO GET IN THE KITCHEN.
PERFECT.
AND, MUNGO, YOU'RE THE--
THE GARDENER AND HANDYMAN.
AH, GEE,
I DON'T KNOW.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I-I-I-I'LL GET IT!
YES, MADAM?
CUT THE CORN, HECTOR.
HMM.
SOME PAD. PRETTY FANCY.
SO, WHEN DO WE
EAT DINNER?
CLEO,
JUST IN TIME!
YOU'RE THE MAID.
THE WHAT?
THE MAID!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
IT'S MY MOTHER!
QUICK, HECTOR WILL TELL YOU
WHAT'S HAPPENING.
HURRY!
HERE, GET DRESSED.
I THOUGHT THIS WAS
GONNA BE A DINNER.
IT IS.
AND WE'RE GONNA
SERVE IT.
THIS WILL NEVER WORK.
[DOORBELL RINGS]SHE'S HERE!
MOM!
RIFF RAFF.
WHAT A BIG HOUSE.
HOUSE? OH, YEAH, YEAH.
BUT FIRST, THE GARDEN.
OH, YOU TOLD ME SUCCESS,
BUT I NEVER IMAGINED.
HEH HEH.
WELL, A LITTLE SURPRISE
FOR MY MOM.
LET'S TAKE A STROLL.
AIN'T IT WONDERFUL?
JUST BEAUTIFUL,
RIFF RAFF.
HECTOR, MY MAN,
TAKE THESE.
I'LL PUT YOUR UMBRELLA
IN THE CLOSET.
WHOOPS.
THIS IS A CLOSET?
SURE.
THIS IS THE CLOSET,
AND THIS
THIS IS
THE UMBRELLA HOLDER.
I DIDN'T KNOW
THEY HAD SUCH THINGS.
YOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW
HOW THESE THINGS WORK.
ON TO DINNER!
FISH WOULD BE NICE, BUT THEY'RE
FROZEN LIKE I-I-I-ICE.
THE MASTER
IS IN A BIG HURRY.
IS DINNER READY?
THERE'S ONLY ONE FLAW.
THESE FISH GOTTA THAW.
WELL, MAKE IT FAST,
THEN.
IN A HURRY TO EAT,
I'LL TURN UP THE HEAT.
STILL COOKING?
WELL, HECTOR, UH,
LIGHT UP THE CANDLES.
CANDLES?
THE CANDLES ON
THE CHANDELIER, HECTOR.
AND HOW AM
I GONNA GET UP THERE?
HOW TO GET UP THERE.
WHY, THE USUAL WAY, OF COURSE.
THE CHANDELIER STOOL.
OH, I'VE NEVER BEEN IN
A HOUSE WITH A CHANDELIER.
[UNDER HIS BREATH]
MOVE IT.
UH, WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
I NEVER EVEN HEARD
OF CHANDELIER STOOLS.
MOM, MY DEAR,
WE HAVE EVERYTHING.
AND NOW A BI
OF THE BUBBLY.
BUBBLY?
YEAH, BUBBLED MILK.
IT'S WHAT ALL OF US RICH,
SUCCESSFUL CATS DRINK.
HERE'S THE MAID NOW.
YOUR REFRESHMENT,
SIR.
AHH, CHATEAU DE COW.
EXCELLENT.
OH, CHATEAU DE COW.
HEH. AIN'T WE
HOITY-TOITY.
WELL, NOW, RIFFY,
WITH ALL YOUR SUCCESS
AND SUBSTANCE,
YOU MUST HAVE A YOUNG WOMAN
IN YOUR LIFE.
WHY, YES, MOM.
INDEED, I DO HAVE
A YOUNG LADY IN MY LIFE.
WELL
YOU MUST TELL ME
ALL ABOUT HER.
WELL, HER NAME
IS, UH, CLEO.
SHORT FOR CLEOPATRA,
OF COURSE.
COMES FROM AN OLD,
ESTABLISHED FAMILY.
GO ON.
AS YOU MIGHT SUPPOSE,
CLEO IS GLAMOROUS.
RRRR!
SHE'S A TRUE LADY--
GENTLE, DELICATE,
SENSITIVE,
YET SHE HAS A PLEASAN
DISPOSITION.
NEVER SHOWS ANGER.
NEVER LOSES HER TEMPER.
AND NO MATTER
WHAT HAPPENS TO HER,
SHE ALWAYS LOOKS
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.
SHE'S EDUCATED
AND REFINED,
AND SHE ALWAYS KNOWS
THE RIGHT THING TO SAY.
ZAP-O.
YEOW!
WHOA!
WHOA.
YEOW!
TO THE GOOD LIFE.
THE GOOD LIFE.
MMM. TASTES
JUST LIKE MILK
WITH BUBBLES IN IT.
IT'S THE BUBBLES
THAT COST SO MUCH.
THERE GOES
THE MAIN DISH.
I'M ALL OUT OF FISH.
I KNOW WHERE
THERE'S A FISH.
I SAW ONE
HANGING ON THE WALL.
RIFFY, PERHAPS
YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH NOW
TO FINALLY KNOW THE TRUTH
ABOUT YOUR FATHER.
IT'S A SOUVENIR
FROM WHEN YOUR FATHER
AND I WERE YOUNG.
AND NOW THE TRUTH
CAN BE TOLD.
YOUR FATHER WAS
AN ALLEY CAT!
[SOBS]
HE USED TO SERENADE ME,
THAT RASCAL.
AND EVERY TIME HE SANG,
PEOPLE THREW SHOES.
AND THIS IS THE SHOE
SOMEBODY THREW
THE NIGH
WE FELL IN LOVE.
[SOBS]
I DIDN'T KNOW, MOTHER.
YOUR DINNER, SIR.
DO YOU WISH
TO CARVE, SIR?
KINDA TOUGH.
THOSE WERE
THE GOOD OLD DAYS.
IT WAS
THE ALLEY CAT LIFE--
LIVING WILD AND DANGEROUS
IN THE STREETS,
DODGING OLD SHOES,
ALWAYS ON THE RUN.
IT WAS AN ADVENTURE.
WE NEVER KNEW
WHERE OUR NEXT MEAL
WAS COMING FROM,
BUT WE WERE HAPPY.
Mungo: UH-OH.
THERE'S SOMETHING
I GOTTA TELL YA, MAMA.
THIS FISH IS FAKE,
AND SO AM I.
ALLEY CATS?!
IN MY HOUSE?!
TIME TO GO.
LET'S BEAT IT.
I GOTTA TELL YOU
THE TRUTH, MOM.
I'M AN ALLEY CAT, TOO.
AND THESE
ARE MY FRIENDS.
THEY'RE
ALLEY CATS, TOO.
NOW WE KNOW WHY YOU
CARRY THIS UMBRELLA.
ONLY ONE THING
I REGRET--
WE FORGOT TO PICK UP
YOUR SOUVENIR
FROM YOUR ALLEY CA
FATHER AND ME.
THAT OLD SHOE.
UH, YOU'RE LOOKIN'
FOR AN OLD SHOE?
[KISS KISS KISS]
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, SON.
YOU'RE SO COOL, MOM.
I LOVE YA.
[THEME SONG]
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
FOX FAMILY CHANNEL AND
THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION