Animaniacs (1993) s01e62 Episode Script

Potty Emergency / Sir Yaksalot / I Got Yer Can

IT'S TIME FOR ANIMANIACS AND WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX SO JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX YOU'LL LAUGH TILL YOU COLLAPSE WE'RE ANIMANIACS COME JOIN THE WARNER BROTHERS AND THE WARNER SISTER DOT JUST FOR FUN WE RUN AROUND THE WARNER MOVIE LOT THEY LOCK US IN THE TOWER WHENEVER WE GET CAUGHT BUT WE BREAK LOOSE AND THEN VAMOOSE AND NOW YOU KNOW THE PLOT WE'RE ANIMANIACS DOT IS CUTE AND YAKKO YAKS WAKKO PACKS AWAY THE SNACKS WHILE BILL CLINTON PLAYS THE SAX WE'RE ANIMANIACS MEET PINKY AND THE BRAIN WHO WANT TO RULE THE UNIVERSE GOODFEATHERS FLOCK TOGETHER SLAPPY WHACKS 'EM WITH HER PURSE BUTTONS CHASES MINDY WHILE RITA SINGS A VERSE THE WRITERS FLIPPED, WE HAVE NO SCRIPT WHY BOTHER TO REHEARSE? WE'RE ANIMANIACS WE HAVE PAY-OR-PLAY CONTRACTS WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX THERE'S BALONEY IN OUR SLACKS WE'RE ANIMANEE TOTALLY INSANE-Y ANDROMEDA STRAIN-Y ANIMANIACS THOSE ARE THE FACTS CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.
S.
DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY LOOK A ALL THOSE STARS.
THEY MAKE ME WAN TO WRITE POETRY OR BAKE A HAM.
WELL, SIBS, I SAY WE TURN IN.
TURN INTO WHAT? I KNOW.
HOW ABOUT SOME BATS? OR AN ELEPHANT.
[BLEAT.]
OR A MONKEY.
HOO HOO HOO HOO! HAH HAH! DON'T LOOK AT ME.
HE'S YOUR BROTHER.
ZZZZZ.
MEE MEE MEE MEE.
ZZZZZ.
MEE MEE MEE MEE.
ZZZZZ.
MEE MEE MEE MEE.
ZZZZZ.
MEE MEE MEE MEE.
ZZZZZ.
MEE MEE MEE MEE.
ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP? THIS GUY'S BARKING LIKE A DOG ALL NIGHT.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
TURN OUT THAT LIGHT! IT ATTRACTS INSECTS.
[HAMMERING.]
ZZZZZ.
[BURP.]
UH, SOMETHING TELLS ME WE'RE NOT IN NORTHERN WISCONSIN ANYMORE.
REALLY? WHY? CALL IT A HUNCH, BUT I THINK WE'VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.
ALIENS? WHAT'LL WE DO? GO FIND THE CAFETERIA.
YEAH! YEAH! HAVE YOU CAPTURED THE EARTH CREATURES? [SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE.]
EXCELLENT.
BEGIN YOUR EXAMINATION.
AND BRING ME A Q-TIP.
[SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE.]
NOPE.
NO EATS IN HERE.
COME ON.
OH, LOOK.
IT'S AN ALIEN.
HOW CUTE.
AW.
AW.
AW.
I CAN SEE MYSELF IN YOUR BIG EYEBALLS.
WANT SOME? THERE.
AREN'T YOU PRETTY? YECCHH! [SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE.]
ALL RIGHT! IT'S A FOREIGN FILM.
[SPEAKING ORIENTAL LANGUAGE.]
[SPEAKING SWEDISH.]
[SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE.]
PLFFT! PLFFT! PLFFT! HEY.
WHAT GIVES? WE'RE EITHER BEING EXAMINED OR DRY CLEANED.
HEE HEE! SORRY, YODA.
IT'S MY REFLEXES.
"INSPECT THEIR BODIES"? EXQUEEZE ME? I SHOULD WARN YOU, WE'VE EATEN WITHIN THE LAST 24 HOURS.
LOOK.
IT'S BIG FAT SCOTTY FROM STAR TREK.
AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! WHOA.
THAT'LL LEAVE A MARK.
NOW, DON' GET UP, REALLY.
YODA, WHILE YOU'RE RECUPERATING, YOU MIND IF WE LOOK AROUND, MAYBE PLAY A GAME OF TAG? GEE, THANKS! OH, BY THE WAY TAG! YOU'RE IT! GRRR! THERE YOU ARE.
EVERYBODY'S LOOKING FOR YOU GUYS.
Y'ALL LEAVE US ALONE.
CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPHS? HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE! HEE HEE HEE HA HA HA! HEE HEE HEE HO HO HO! TAG! YOU'RE IT.
GRRR! [GRRR.]
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD MEE MY PET.
GRRR! GRRR! I HOPE I'M INVITED TO THE WEDDING.
[GIBBERISH.]
THERE'S A PICKUP LINE IF I EVER HEARD ONE.
OH, HOW THOUGHTFUL! YOU'RE GIVING ME A PERM.
DO MY HAIR LIKE BETTY RUBBLE, WOULD YOU? HEY, THOSE ARE MY THOUGHTS! HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? HELLO, NURSE! [SIGHS.]
WOW, THIS IS GREAT.
YOU TRY IT.
ALIENS.
GO FIG.
COULD I GET A ROOT BEER? YAWOOZA! DID YOU MISS ME? WHAT'S AN APPENDAGE? WOW, I'M NO AS GOOD AS YOU, YODA.
SEE YOU LATER! [SCREECH.]
OH, COME ON, DON'T GIVE UP! YOU CAN CATCH ME.
I'M REALLY TIRED NAH! HMM.
MUST BE THEIR LUNCHTIME.
DID YOU BRING ME A Q-TIP? NOT AS SUCH.
WHO ARE YOU? CALL ME TOE.
GOOD CHOICE.
I AM THE SUPREME ONE, THE PINNACLE OF EVOLUTION.
IN A MILLION YEARS, YOU WILL LOOK LIKE ME.
IF I LOOK LIKE YOU, WHAT WILL YOU LOOK LIKE? MAYBE YOU'LL LOOK LIKE ME.
YOU'LL HAVE TO LIVE IN A WATER TOWER IN BURBANK.
TRY THA FOR A MILLION YEARS.
AAH! I HAVEN'T HAD A NAIL BUFF IN CENTURIES.
YOU PLEASE ME, SUBCREATURE.
I CHOOSE TO GRANT YOU ONE WISH.
THINK AND IT WILL BE DONE.
HELLO, NURSE! [GASPS.]
THANKS! YOU'RE THE NICEST TOY I'VE EVER MET.
JUST ONE LITTLE KISS.
I'VE HAD ALL MY SHOTS! GOLD ROBE'S IT! GOLD ROBE'S IT! WOW! WOW! I WONDER IF IT'S GO CRUISE CONTROL.
HEY, YOD, MIND IF WE DRIVE? THANKS! [GROANING.]
WELL, SIBS, I DOUBT WE'LL EVER SEE THEM AGAIN.
UH-OH! UH-OH! WOULD YOU MIND DOING MY CUTICLES? EEW! EEW! GEE, BRAIN, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TONIGHT? THE SAME THING WE DO EVERY NIGHT-- TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
THE PINKY AND THE BRAIN THE PINKY AND THE BRAIN ONE IS A GENIUS THE OTHER'S INSANE TO PROVE THEIR MOUSEY WORTH THEY'LL OVERTHROW THE EARTH THEY'RE DINKY THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN HALLOWEEN, PINKY, 1938.
THE MERCURY RADIO THEATER PRESENTED AND ADAPTATION OF H.
G.
WELLES' WAR OF THE WORLDS THAT WAS SO REALISTIC PEOPLE ACTUALLY FLED THE CITIES, BELIEVING THAT CREATURES FROM MARS WERE ATTACKING THE EARTH.
IT PROVED THAT RADIO WAS A POWERFUL TOOL, AND, NOW, PINKY, THE ADVANCE OF TECHNOLOGY HAS BROUGHT US AN EVEN MORE POWERFUL TOOL.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS? THE RUBBER BAND? THE WORKINGS OF YOUR MIND ARE A MYSTERY TO ME.
I LOVE A GOOD MYSTERY.
[CRASH.]
TELEVISION, PINKY, IS OUR NEW TOOL.
WE WILL PIRATE THE AIRWAVES AND STAGE A HOAX LIKE WAR OF THE WORLDS.
THREE CAMERAS, BRAIN? YES.
TECHNIQUE PIONEERED BY THE GREAT DESI ARNAZ, WITH THEM, WE WILL SCARE THE PEOPLE OF THE CITIES, LEAVING NO RESISTANCE BEHIND.
WE WILL HAVE TAKEN OVER THE WORLD.
EGAD, BRAIN! BRILLIANT! UH, WAIT.
NO, NO.
WHY WOULD THEY BE SCARED OF US? WE'RE SO SMALL.
WE PRACTICALLY THE SIZE OF MICE.
WE ARE MICE, PINKY.
OH, RIGHT! THERE YOU ARE THEN! IT'S NO A QUESTION OF SIZE.
IT'S A QUESTION OF SCALE.
WATCH THE MONITOR.
ZOUNDS, BRAIN! YOU'RE GIGANTIC! TELEVISION, PINKY.
THE GREAT DECEPTOR.
NAAARF! HOW IS MY DISGUISE, PINKY? OH, IS THAT YOU, BRAIN? YOU FLATTER ME, PINKY.
NOW, THROW THE SWITCH AND LET US BEGIN THE BATTLE FOR THE PLANET! HUH? WE INTERRUP YOUR REGULAR BROADCAS TO BRING YOU THIS IMPORTANT NEWS BULLETIN.
WHAT IS THAT? SOMEONE'S PIRATED THE TV LINES.
SCIENTISTS HAVE JUST REPORTED THAT A LARGE UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJEC SEEMS TO BE HEADING TOWARDS EARTH.
THERE IS NO CAUSE FOR ALARM, BUT THERE PROBABLY WILL BE.
NOW, A SATELLITE VIEW OF THE PLANE TO CATCH A GLIMPSE OF THIS FEARFUL COURIER OF THE UNKNOWN.
[IMITATING ROCKET.]
I'VE JUST RECEIVED WORD THAT THE UFO IS ABOU TO CRASH-LAND NEARBY.
THERE SHOULD BE A GREAT EXPLOSION.
I SAID, THERE SHOULD BE A GREAT EXPLOSION! OH! OH, RIGHT, BRAIN! NARF! [IMITATING EXPLOSION.]
SORRY, BRAIN.
WE'LL GO LIVE TO THE CRASH SIGH MOMENTARILY.
I'M REPORTING TO YOU LIVE FROM THE CRASH SIGHT.
I'M AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.
CAN WE GET A SHO OF THIS VERY FRIGHTENING SCENE? I AM NOW POSITIONED CLOSE TO THE-- THIS LOOKS LIKE A VEHICLE FROM OUTER SPACE, HERE TO DESTROY THE EARTH.
[HOWLING.]
THERE'S A STRANGE NOISE EMANATING FROM INSIDE.
SOMETHING SEEMS TO BE COMING OUT OF THE SHIP.
OH, MY, IT'S HIDEOUS! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I CAN HARDLY DESCRIBE THIS TERRIFYING CREATURE BEFORE ME, EXCEPT TO SAY, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! EMPTY THE CITIES! LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND! I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG I CAN STAY ON THE AIR.
I'LL TRY TO GE TO OUR AERIAL VIEW IN CHOPPER FIVE.
CHOPPER FIVE HIGH ABOVE THE CITY.
THE HORRIBLE CREATURES FROM MARS INVADING, DESTROYING EVERYTHING IN THEIR PATH.
OH, THE HUMANITY! [GROWLING.]
HA HA HA HA! THIS IS NO HOAX, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES WHILE YOU CAN! WE'RE NOT MAKING THIS UP JUST SO WE CAN TAKE OVER THE WORLD! OH, NO! IT'S HEADING THIS WAY! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! YAHHH! WAAHHH HA! [GROWLING.]
AAH! WE DID IT, PINKY! BRILLIANT PERFORMANCE! UNDOUBTEDLY, THE POPULATION HAS FLED IN FEAR FROM THEIR TERRIFYING ENEMY.
HA! LET US MAKE HASTE TO THE WHITE HOUSE! "BATTLE FOR THE PLAN IS A COMEDY SMASH.
"WORLD LAUGHS TOGETHER.
STAY HOME FOR THIS ONE.
" HA HA HA! HA HA HA! HAR HAR HAR HAR! HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA! PINKY, ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING? WELL, I THINK SO, BUT IF WE DIDN' HAVE EARS, WE'D LOOK LIKE WEASELS.
[SIGHS HEAVILY.]
NO, PINKY, OUR HOAX.
NO ONE WENT ANYWHERE.
NO ONE FLED THE CITIES.
THEY FOUND US HUMOROUS.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING? BACK TO OUR CAGE.
WE MUST PLAN FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO TOMORROW NIGHT? THE SAME THING WE DO EVERY NIGHT-- TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
THEY'RE DINKY THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.
S.
DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY GOODBYE, NURSE!
Previous EpisodeNext Episode