Animaniacs (1993) s01e68 Episode Script

Mesozoic Mindy / The Good, the Boo, and the Ugly / Hot, Bothered and Bedeviled / Moon Over Minerva

IT'S TIME FOR ANIMANIACS AND WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX SO JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX YOU'LL LAUGH TILL YOU COLLAPSE WE'RE ANIMANIACS COME JOIN THE WARNER BROTHERS AND THE WARNER SISTER DOT JUST FOR FUN WE RUN AROUND THE WARNER MOVIE LOT THEY LOCK US IN THE TOWER WHENEVER WE GET CAUGHT BUT WE BREAK LOOSE AND THEN VAMOOSE AND NOW YOU KNOW THE PLOT WE'RE ANIMANIACS DOT IS CUTE AND YAKKO YAKS WAKKO PACKS AWAY THE SNACKS WHILE BILL CLINTON PLAYS THE SAX WE'RE ANIMANIACS MEET PINKY AND THE BRAIN WHO WANT TO RULE THE UNIVERSE GOODFEATHERS FLOCK TOGETHER SLAPPY WHACKS 'EM WITH HER PURSE BUTTONS CHASES MINDY WHILE RITA SINGS A VERSE THE WRITERS FLIPPED, WE HAVE NO SCRIPT WHY BOTHER TO REHEARSE? WE'RE ANIMANIACS WE HAVE PAY-OR-PLAY CONTRACTS WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX THERE'S BALONEY IN OUR SLACKS WE'RE ANIMANEE TOTALLY INSANE-Y HERE'S THE SHOW'S NAME-Y ANIMANIACS THOSE ARE THE FACTS CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.
S.
DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER PLAYING THE PICCOLO IN THE MARCHING BAND.
PLAYING THE PIANO IN A MARCHING BAND.
[PLAYING CHOPSTICKS.]
[BANGS KEYS.]
[PLAYS LOONEY TUNES' THEME.]
[BANGS KEYS.]
[PLAYS ANIMANIACS' THEME.]
[PLAYS SOUR NOTES.]
ACH! TERRIBLE! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, BEETHOVEN? WHY CAN'T YOU WRITE A FOLLOW-UP TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL FOURTH SYMPHONY? WHAT? I SAID, "WHY CAN'T YOU WRITE A FOLLOW-UP TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL FOURTH SYMPHONY?" I DON'T KNOW.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
GO AWAY, STUPID PEOPLE! WE'RE THE VON WARNER BROTHERS UND THE VON WARNER SISTER, TOO WE'RE CHIMNEY SWEEPS EXTRAORDINARE WE'LL CLEAN YOUR FLUE FOR YOU LEAVE ME ALONE, STUPID, COMMON, EVERYDAY PEASANTS.
WE'RE NOT PHEASANTS.
WE'RE NOT EVEN BIRDS.
I'LL GIVE YOU ONE.
HERE.
HA! I CANNOT BE DISTURBED! NOW, GO AWAY DISGUSTING CHILDREN.
I AM COMPOSING THE GREATEST SYMPHONY IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.
YOU YUCKY KIDS BOTHER ME.
BUT HOW DO YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT US? PLEH! PLEH! PLEH! PLEH! HEY, CAN I PLAY YOUR HORN? NO! PUUU! BLEH! HEY, WHERE'S THIS BEEN? IN MY EAR.
PLEH! PLEH! PLEH! PLEH! THAT'S REVOLTING.
YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T BE PUTTING STUFF LIKE THA IN YOUR EAR.
YOU'LL GO DEAF.
I AM DEAF! TOO LATE.
TOO LATE.
TOO LATE.
OH.
UHH! YUHH! HEY, WHAT ARE ALL THESE FUNNY MARKS ON THESE PAPERS? THEY RESEMBLE CUTE, LITTLE SPOONS.
IT'S MUSIC.
YOU WOULDN' UNDERSTAND IT, DUMB, SIMPLE-MINDED GIRL.
[PLAYS CLASSICAL TUNE.]
JUST A LITTLE THING I DO.
NOW, SEE HERE! WHERE? WHERE? WHERE? WHERE? WHERE? WHERE? WHERE? WHERE? WHERE? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? NO.
HUM A FEW BARS.
I AM LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN, WORLD-FAMOUS COMPOSER AND PIANIST.
YOU'RE A WHAT? A PIANIST.
MMM-WA! GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
BUT THAT IS WHA I AM, A PIANIST.
THAT'S ENOUGH FROM YOU.
NOW WE'RE GOING TO CLEAN YOUR CHIMNEY.
IF YOUR LANGUAGE IS ANY INDICATION, IT MUST BE FILTHY.
UH-HUH.
JUST AS I SUSPECTED.
DISGUSTING.
OOPS.
LOOK AT THE TIME.
LUNCH! LUNCH! LUNCH! VIENNA SAUSAGE.
HOW APROPOS.
[BELCH BEGINNING OF BEETHOVEN'S FIFTH SYMPHONY.]
OOH! YOU DISGUSTING CHILDREN.
HOW CAN YOU EAT LUNCH? YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED WORKING? WE'RE IN A UNION.
HEY, YOU WAN TO FILE A GRIEVANCE? HERE'S THE PAPERWORK.
MANAGEMENT.
[PLAYING CHOPSTICKS.]
[HUM BEGINNING OF FIFTH SYMPHONY.]
[PLAYING CHOPSTICKS.]
STOP THA INFERNAL HUMMING.
[SOBBING.]
I AM AT A LOSS.
WHAT YOU DO IS THE MOST INTERESTING THING IN THE WORLD.
I WISH SOMEONE WOULD EXPLAIN IT TO ME.
REALLY? OH, HEE! WELL, IT'S QUITE COMPLICATED, YOU SEE, BUTA COMPOSER TRIES TO CAPTURE THE ESSENCE OF LIFE THA SURROUNDS US.
YOU SEE? A BRILLIANT COMPOSER, LIKE MYSELF, WRITES MUSIC THA EXPRESSES MY MOODS AND HEH HEH HEH HEH.
YOU DARE TO MAKE FUN OF THE GREAT BEETHOVEN? OF COURSE NOT, MR.
POTTY MOUTH.
YOU'RE TENSE.
YOU NEED TO RELAX.
[WHISTLES.]
ANOTHER TUNE ANOTHER SONG BUT, OL' BEETHOVEN SOMETHING'S WRONG HE'S UNINSPIRED HE'S VERY TIRED HE'S WRITIN' HOOEY MMM-WA! I HAVE HAD JUST ABOUT ALL I CAN TAKE FROM YOU! SORRY.
YOU'RE STILL A QUART LOW.
YOU'LL HAVE TO TAKE SOME MORE.
I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR POUT, BUT WE'VE GO TO CHIMNEY SWEEP.
TO THE CHIMNEY.
FORWARD HO! [HUM BEGINNING OF FIFTH SYMPHONY.]
[HUM BEGINNING OF FIFTH SYMPHONY.]
[PLAYING CHOPSTICKS.]
AREN'T YOU DONE YET? THAT'S IT.
I HAVE HAD IT! OOH-WHOA! [HUM BEGINNING OF FIFTH SYMPHONY.]
[HUM BEGINNING OF FIFTH SYMPHONY.]
THAT'S A LOVELY FIRE.
OH! WANT TO SEE OUR PET? [ROAR.]
[SNIFFING.]
AAH! [PLAYS A BOOGIE-WOOGIE.]
WHY, YOU YOU WE'RE NOT YOU YOUS.
I'M A ME ME.
THAT'S A HE HE AND SHE SHE, AND YOU'RE A PIANIST.
GET OUT! AND STAY OUT! THAT SCHMO WON'T AMOUN TO ANYTHING.
[PLAYS BEGINNING OF FIFTH SYMPHONY.]
THAT'S IT! I AM A GENIUS! [PLAYS BEGINNING OF FIFTH SYMPHONY.]
WHOSE CHIMNEY'S NEX ON THE LIST? OH, NO! NOT THAT VAN GOGH GROUCH AGAIN.
MAYBE A SUNFLOWER WILL CHEER HIM UP.
IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER FEEDING STRAY KITTENS IN THE PARK.
[MEOW.]
[MEOW.]
FEEDING STRAY KITTENS IN THE PARK TO A BEAR.
[GRRR.]
OH, MAESTRO STRADIVARIUS.
YOU BUILD THE BEST VIOLINS.
WHAT IS YOUR SECRET? IT'S ALL IN THE STRINGS.
MOST VIOLIN CATGU COMES FROM SHEEP, BUT FOR MY VIOLIN STRINGS, I USE 100% CATGU MADE FROM 100% MUSICAL CATS.
HA HA HA! SOMEWHERE I CAN HANG MY HAT SOMEWHERE FOR A DOG AND CAT SOMEWHERE JUST IMAGINE THAT WE'LL FIND A PLACE CALLED HOME [SIGHS.]
A PLACE WE'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR A PLACE WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG WE'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR SO LONG A PLACE CALLED HOME OW! THEY DON'T SEE US THEY'LL NEVER KNOW BUT THEY COULD BE US LIKE THAT JUST LIKE THAT OUT HERE IN THE SHADOWS AND OUT HERE THERE'S A PROMISED LAND OUT HERE WE'LL ALL UNDERSTAND AND MAKE THIS PLACE OUR HOME THIS PLACE OUR HOME YOU SING THE SWEETEST SONGS.
THAT AND A TOKEN WILL GET US A RIDE ON THE SUBWAY.
THEY GOT SUBWAYS IN ITALY? [SNIFFING.]
HOLD THE PHONE.
[SNIFFING.]
[SNIFFING.]
SOMETHING'S FISHY HERE.
FISH? I LIKE FISH.
IT'S AN ACQUIRED TASTE, YOU KNOW.
LOOK WHAT WE HAVE HERE-- A CAT.
A CAT? A CAT? WHERE'S A CAT? [GRRR.]
[SNIFFING.]
I'LL TEAR HIM APART.
TEAR HIM APART.
DEFINITELY.
[HISS.]
OH, A FEISTY ONE.
I LIKE A CAT WITH GUTS.
HOW ABOUT SOME NICE, HOT FISH SOUP? OOH.
EAT.
ENJOY.
MY HOME IS YOUR HOME.
[SNIFFING.]
HI, RITA.
GET IN HERE.
[WHAM.]
GEE, THANKS, RITA.
HEY, NICE DIGS.
DEFINITELY NICE DIGS.
YEAH.
THESE ARE-- THESE ARE DIGS.
[SNIFFING.]
AHH.
MMM.
MAHI-MAHI.
YES.
MAGNIFICO.
ANOTHER BEAUTY.
SOON WE MAKE BEAUTIFUL MUSIC TOGETHER.
EH, CAT? £D [SNORING.]
WAKE UP, DOG.
I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
HUH? GOOD DOG.
NOWFETCH.
[ARF ARF.]
DUMB ANIMAL.
IT'S JUST US NOW.
KITTY WANT TO PLAY? IT'S YARN, A NICE BALL OF WONDERFUL YARN.
I'M A SUCKER FOR WOOL.
[MEOW.]
[PURRING.]
[MEOW.]
GET THE BALL.
GOT TO GET THE BALL.
GOT TO GET THE BALL.
OH, BOY.
BALLS.
LOTS OF BALLS.
THESE ARE DEFINITELY BALLS.
CRAZY DOG, LOOK WHAT YOU DO TO MY NICE, RIPE TOMATOES.
LOOK AT ME.
I'M JUST HANGING AROUND.
WHAT IS THIS? THAT DOG'S NOT AS DUMB AS I THOUGHT.
SO, YOU LIKE THE GAME, DO YOU? LET'S SEE YOU FETCH THIS ONE.
[ARF ARF.]
STUPID MUTT.
[GRRR.]
LET GO.
ARRR! I SAID, LET GO! HEE HEE HEE! HA HA HA HA! FETCH! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, BOY? GO.
[ARF ARF.]
AND HAVE A NICE LIFE, MUTT.
NOW TO STRING THAT VIOLIN.
LIFE IS GOOD.
[PURRING.]
[MEOW.]
I'LL TELL ABOU THE CAT AND THE FIDDLE.
HEY, DIDDLE DIDDLE, THE CAT AND THE FIDDLE, [ARF ARF ARF.]
IMPOSSIBLE.
[ARF ARF ARF.]
GO AWAY! THERE'S THE BALL.
I SEE THE BALL.
PREPARE TO MAKE BEAUTIFUL MUSIC.
OH, DOOR'S TOO SMALL, DEFINITELY TOO SMALL.
WELL, HERE GOES NOTHING.
1, 2, 4 GO! I SEE THE BALL.
[ARF.]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? [CRASH.]
OH, RUNT.
I FOUND IT.
GET OUT.
BOTH OF YOU, GET OUT! I, UH, I GUESS WE BETTER GO.
GEE, I--I MESSED THINGS UP, HUH? YEP.
DEFINITELY MESSED THINGS UP.
OH, FORGET ABOUT IT.
THAT GUY WAS A YUTZ.
YEAH.
I LIKED HIM, TOO.
OUT HERE IN THE SHADOWS AND OUT HERE IS A PROMISED LAND OUT HERE AS THE DAY IS LONG WE'LL FIND OURSELVES A HOME A PLACE CALLED HOME GEE, RITA.
YOU'RE DEFINITELY A GOOD DOG.
DEFINITELY.
DEFINITELY A GOOD DOG.
WOOF.
CLAP ON CLAP OFF CLAP ON, CLAP OFF SHOW'S OVER
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