Dr. Terrible's House of Horrible (2001) s01e99 Episode Script

Why is he called Dr Terrible? Stupid name.
Why would anyone be called Dr Terrible? He's not a GP.
He's a combination of sophistication and rancidness.
He's sick, perverse, but he has a winning smile.
Dr Terrible is a fantastic character.
I don't know where he comes from.
As far as I'm concerned, he's not played by Steve Coogan.
He exists in his own right.
He is such a strong, awful character.
Steve's hidden in there somewhere under layers and layers of prosthetics and he just comes out to haunt us once in a while, I think.
The first time they see him as Dr Terrible, I want them to do a double take.
They'll only get a few seconds of Dr Terrible, then we'll go into the show, then you'll see him at the end.
I kind of want people to go, "Is that Steve?" Good evening.
I'm Dr Terrible.
I think that character that Steve created is phenomenal.
Everybody who sees it goes, "He's cool.
Where did you find him?" "That's Steve.
" "What did you do with his voice?" "No, he did that.
" What you see is all him.
I mean, fantastic prosthetic make-up.
The character is so different.
It makes a great bookend for the episodes.
It seems to lend it a certain amount more weight, more gravitas, having the character lead you in and out of the story.
In the six half-hours, Steve plays Dr Terrible, but he also plays six different characters.
(DR TERRIBLE) Meet Dr Donald Baxter Captain Tobias Slater Nathan Blaze Lester Crown Captain Hans Brocken the millionaire Denham Denham.
It was difficult to maintain the differentiation between each character.
You do that physically.
You make sure you don't duplicate a look so that each character's delineated clearly.
Also, the look of each episode is very different from another.
That sort of helps you creatively.
Sometimes constraining yourself paradoxically frees you creatively, because you have to act and create within a certain narrow framework.
The construction of each of the stories are basically morality tales, as were the original Hammer House of Horror stories, although good doesn't always triumph in our stories.
We're embracing what is good and what is passionate and exciting and romantic about those films, and we want the scary moments to be really bloody scary! (SINISTER THEME MUSIC) It's just a break for Steve, really.
His career's not been going well (!) He said could I come up with something that would suit his ham acting style and I suggested this - horror.
I drafted in Henry and Graham to come up with the scripts.
I remember reading in an interview that Steve had mentioned "Taste the Blood of Dracula".
Quite an obscure Hammer film.
Not one of their best.
I thought, "I bet he's into horror films.
" Baby Cow were the first people I approached about it.
They wanted to make it and thought it was a very good idea.
A few years ago, me and Steve were chatting, and I've always been a big horror film fan, especially Hammer Horror films.
I seem to remember me mentioning, "Why don't we do a Hammer spoof series?" And we agreed on it.
It was my idea.
We agreed on it originally and we never thought anything of it.
Then he's gone and made it and didn't tell me about it.
He never told me.
It's nice to be in it, but I'm a wee bit annoyed, actually.
(MAN SCREAMING) "Voodoo Feet Of Death" is inspired by films like "Hands of Orlac", where a concert pianist loses his hands in an accident and has new hands grafted on - the hands of a murderer.
Steve had this idea of - what if it was feet rather than hands? And rather than a murderer, the twist is that it's a voodoo adept whose feet have gone missing.
We shot the scene when I wake up in the bed and my feet appear to have been amputated.
I stuck my feet through a hole in the bed and they attached the false limbs onto my knees.
I could still waggle my legs around.
Very technical.
(GRAHAM) Steve was to the side.
The cameraman sat on the bed.
Someone under the bed operated the stumps.
It sounds very straightforward, but when you see it done, it takes a lot of engineering.
We started working on the feet.
He's got these big Caribbean feet on with big toenails, and it's a funny image.
We came a cropper with that because that is a special effect.
It swallowed up a lot of time.
The first morning's shooting, I thought, "Is it all going to be like this?" It was, like, an hour to get those feet on every time and it really slowed us down.
I'm bothered about wasting time.
You might think, in your mind's eye, how a scene will go, but then the whole thing changes.
We weren't sure about the shadow.
Once we'd got the shot up and I could show Steve the monitor and say, "This is what we've got to play with", it was probably HIS suggestion that the foot does a tap on the shoulder before the strangulation.
It was only through being able to shoot it once and see how we could actually adapt it that it got that little bit of finesse, which makes the scene.
Working with Matt and deciding things on set and making quick decisions, I quite enjoy it.
I like the pressure of it.
I also like collaborating with people.
I'm not a loner.
(THUNDERCLAP) "The Curse of the Blood of the Lizard of Doom" is a cross between "Frankenstein", "Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde" and "The Wolf Man", except he's a lizard.
We didn't want to use any computer graphics.
We wanted to use antiquated special effects.
The lizard costume is good quality "Doctor Who".
It might not be sufficient for "Star Wars", but I think it's scary-ish in a funny way.
It can get pressurised when lots of people poke at your face with make-up, pull your costume.
They had to pump oxygen into the costume because it was so stuffy in there.
They got this tube and pumped oxygen in, but I kind of just switch off a bit really, I switch off my other life.
It's almost like you're putting your life on hold - subordinating yourself to this creative process.
We play these two wicked vampires.
- Great fun.
The boots are uncomfortable.
- Yeah.
You will tell me if I look too camp? I wouldn't get away with wearing it regularly! I'm a serious actor.
I find it very, very comfortable indeed.
I really must get onto my agent about panto this year! (THE WOMEN LAUGH) I don't have to be ready for another three or four hours.
I threw it on as soon as I arrived, couldn't wait to get into it! And the boobs - well, they feature quite heavily.
They are hanging up on the back of the door.
I think I might take them away with me at the end of the week.
I'll put the helmet on.
Sir, let me be as plain as a kilt with nae tartan! You have until midnight tonight to clear out your laboratory and leave! We were fortunate that we could call on some great character actors, stars in their own right, to do parts for Dr Terrible.
This has made it, more or less, an all-star cast.
The part I play is, I suppose, something similar, in fact, to Cathy Gale way back in "The Avengers", except she's a little more butch.
My character is Sir Donald Tyburn, curator of the British Museum.
Don't just stand there, Blaze, do something! I was in the "British Dental Journal" of 1977 with the worst case of fangs they'd seen in Western Scotland.
That's a good thing! So I was a bit typecast as a vampire witchy-type, being so dark, so I thought, "I've got to have her! I've got to have Countess Kronsteen!" And these are my teeth.
(POSH VOICE) I wear the character, you see.
And they do tend to affect the speech.
You have to fight against the teeth or you're going "Hello!" - Dick Emery as the old vicar.
"Mrs Faversham! Marvellous! Thank you for coming to service on Sunday!" In "Frenzy of Tongs", we had Mark Gatiss made up as a Fu Manchu character.
When you see him, you hardly recognise it's Mark Gatiss.
Something has happened to my Wu Wu.
My character is called Rebenor and he is a man-acolyte of the Countess Kronsteen, who is a lesbian vampire.
He's really there just He's admin, basically.
Basic vampire admin, procuring virgins.
And don't you look a picture of purity in your virgin white dress! Opening doors Captain Brocken, do come in.
stealing items of clothing for his own private amusement.
Playing Angus has been just so much fun.
I was covered in goo on the first day.
Second day, I wore a loincloth.
I was dead.
Today I've been hanging up by my tongue.
Oh, she's easily empowered! No! I play wimps a lot of the time.
Nice to do a villainess to get your teeth into.
Pardon the pun! I can't believe I said that! In "Frenzy Of Tongs", Steve is essentially Peter Wyngarde crossed with Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes.
He's astute, a little bit arrogant and very camp.
By using the art of t'ai chi, I'm turning your own energy against you.
(STEVE) I like dialogue with people.
And I like hearing what other people's opinions are.
I find it stimulating, I find it makes me more creative as well, so it's good if you respect the people you work with, it's great.
There's two of them.
One could punch himself and the other could poke his own eyes! Ahhhh! Henry and I talk about ideas for stories and characters and plots.
The sort of character Steve might play, what you'd set that up against and the horror traditions we'd be playing around with.
So even though Steve had a massive input, it actually came quite late on in the process, because previously he was working on another project.
A lot was done the night before the shoot.
Sometimes you can get carried away embellishing something.
You have to keep it in check.
But Matt would do that, Matt would say, "You're pushing the comedy so much, you're compromising the level of reality we want.
" So sometimes you have to pull back on a joke slightly.
By using the ancient art of t'ai chi, I will turn your own energy against you! Please help! Googly! Working with John again has been great.
It's a bit of a double act.
It's fun, you know.
It's like the old days.
We couldn't work for laughing.
We have a good camaraderie.
I find it slightly annoying when John keeps joking on set.
Unfortunately, all his jokes ARE very funny so you know, I end up laughing, despite myself.
(SCREAMING) "Lesbian Vampire Lovers of Lust" is exactly what it says on the tin.
No! We heard about foot and mouth, as the rest of the country did, around about the middle of February.
We were due to start filming about six weeks later.
We just realised that our locations might be in jeopardy, so we went back to the BBC and asked if we could start putting some of these sets into stages rather than shoot some of these scenes on location.
This set has got probably about £40,000-worth of trees and plants in it.
The design is fantastic.
Our designer is brilliant.
Brilliantly imaginative.
When faced with how to achieve a hot spring, we thought about a number of ways of achieving it - rostra and tanking it out.
We finally came up with the idea of using an eight-foot-square Jacuzzi because we can heat the water, we can also create a bubbling effect for the hot spring.
Hopefully, the stage will be cold and the water will be hot, so we'll be able to get steam rising.
(SINISTER MUSIC) (TWINS) Uncle, may we swim in the hot springs? We took on board some aspects of Hammer Horror strategy in that we re-used our sets.
With "Lesbian Vampires", that is essentially the same woods as "Scream Satan Scream!".
And the corridors in "Lizard of Doom" also double up for the sewers in "Frenzy of Tongs".
The looks were very important.
I wanted to have some fun with dressing up and have some fun with make-up.
I've never really maximised the potential of make-up, because normally I do characters like Paul and Pauline Calf, who are actually quite low maintenance and straightforward to apply.
There's no prosthetics involved.
I liked the idea of using teeth and eyes and being very physical.
Just having fun dressing up and seeing what I could do.
It was like going back to basics.
"And Now the Fearing" is my favourite.
I don't figure in that episode as much as in the others.
Myself, Julia Davis and Alexander Armstrong kind of have equal billing.
It's my favourite of the series.
It was easy to do because it was based on two films - "Tales from the Crypt" and "Vault of Horror".
In doing three short stories, each story has to last eight minutes, which is slightly ridiculous.
But it just means every single line becomes expositional of the plot in a way that's completely unreal but quite funny.
- Interesting coffee table.
- The previous owner died.
Some sort of domestic accident.
Head injury, I think.
Great fun to do.
It was the one I was worried about.
It was quite clear that the lift scenes in that episode were the backbone of it.
Rather than being the filler between the stories, they were the backbone of the episode.
The beauty of it is that, because you've got four people - one person speaking - you've three cut-aways, all acting for Britain, so you've got the choice of three cut-aways with a great reaction on each one.
If you watch those lift scenes, it's all about what's going on whilst the talking is happening.
- It's all about reaction.
- We're trapped.
The lift attendant is a bit like in Greek mythology.
The guy who rowed people across the River Styx to the land of the dead.
And he appears to know very well the process that is underway.
Room for more inside! Mind the doors, please! We managed to get Xander Armstrong playing one of the characters.
He plays it so well.
It's very funny.
He just camps it up magnificently with his curly perm.
Then Julia Davis as her Scandinavian character flirting with Oliver Tobias.
Milton Rosenberg! In London? How jet set! There's a large part of homage in this.
It's not a piss-take, it's not a pastiche.
We're trying to capture some of the mood and the spirit of the Hammer and Amicus films.
We're not just having a laugh at them, we're not poking fun at those films.
We all knew the level of performance to give.
We fed off each other.
There was a lot of fun.
(SCREAMING) In "Scream Satan Scream!", Steve's character is a sexual predator.
You may well gasp as I come upon you! I thought it'd be interesting to do an homage, or rip-off, depending on your point of view, of one of Peter Sellers' voices.
Do a slightly nasal voice like that - "Yes, I know.
Good evening.
" That was my way of getting into the character.
It was a different approach.
You think of different voices.
How can I think of a different voice? I'll do a Peter Sellers-type voice.
He has a particular way of working, which is not surprising, I suppose, it's just different.
It takes time to work up a relationship with any artist.
He turns around We had little or no rehearsal time.
We had time to talk about the script, but, in terms of the working relationship, it happened quite quickly.
What was interesting, if not surprising, was his approach to taking on a scene on the morning of the day.
He hadn't time to do it any other way, but he's from a background where he improvises a lot.
kind of inquisitive.
- "There do be one other girl.
" "Yes?" - Just straight on! (LAUGHTER) - He thinks of himself as an expert.
- Those two 17-year-old twins! - There do be one other girl, Captain.
- Yes? We first met Matt Lipsey when he came to direct "Human Remains", the first programme Baby Cow produced.
He's done a fantastic job with Dr Terrible.
He just seems to understand the jokes and you never have to explain them.
He finds jokes that we didn't know were there.
Don't worry, Tygon, the thunder is merely God applauding our work.
The lightning is um Well, that's just showing off.
- Oh, well, at least lightning never strikes - (SIZZLING) One thing Henry is amazingly good at is structure.
He's got a good armoury of knock gags! But he's great for an overview on structure.
All the time, he kept that side of it very solid.
You'd have gags and silly stuff going on, but the story always worked.
When I initially got the script, I thought, "Cool, I'm working with Steve Coogan.
" Secondly, I thought what a great character this Tygon character is because no reference in the script is made to the fact that he's short, which I like.
It's easy for comedy writers to make gags on size, but Graham and Henry and Steve have avoided that totally, which again drew me to the project.
A black and white horror film is more scary than a modern-day, colour, Hollywood horror film.
The Hammer - its rawness and roughness made it scary in its own way as well.
Honestly, I'm far too scared to watch Hammer films.
I was in one once called "To the Devil a Daughter", but I've never watched them, honestly, because I'm an absolute wimp.
I disappear under the sofa, you know, I get scared.
- Vampires! - Vampires? Hah! Madam, there are no such creatures.
(DOOR CREAKS) I used to love watching Hammer films.
My dad was in several.
It's funny being in one now and being killed.
I'm dead excited.
(SCREAMS) The first impression I got was that it's extremely amusing.
I liked it simply because, although it was a spoof of these Hammer films which I used to see in the '60s and '70s, it was done with not obvious slapstick or anything like that.
It was a serious theme.
Incredibly successful films.
Queen's Award For Industry, stuff like that.
Yet it's never really been accepted.
The critics always hated it, the audience always loved it.
It has never been properly embraced.
That's wrong.
It's time to redress that.
This is 1972.
Women are no longer slaves in the kitchen, you know.
Now we're DESIGNING kitchens! (THUNDERCLAP) Tread carefully.
Goodnight.
Steve has a dark side.
I think when he saw Dr Terrible originally, he was a kindred spirit.
Weirdly, I've realised I've only worked with him on stage.
Never done TV with him.
He's obviously quite professional.
He's just annoyingly funny and, yeah, we did sort of lose it.
There's a horrible moment when you start corpsing.
It's actually very frightening.
You think, "What if I don't ever recover? "What if we just keep going and I keep laughing?" And then you try and use that fear to make you stop laughing.
I love the fact, when you look at him, you think, "That's that person, not Steve.
"That's Alan Partridge or that's that character.
" I like that.
I'd rather not see him.
That was truly diabolical.
(THUNDERCLAP) (DR TERRIBLE VOICE) Until next year.
I'm not Dr Terrible any more.
I'm Steve Coogan.
I'm a much nicer person! Thanks! February 2017