Grantchester (2014) s02e00 Episode Script
Christmas Special
1 A long time ago there lived a woman named Mary and a man named Joseph.
One day God sent the angel Gabriel down from heaven to speak to Mary.
He said Behold, I bring you tidings of grave joy! Great.
Great joy.
You shall have a baby boy and you shall call him Jesus! When he learned the news, Joseph was worried.
You don't look very worried, Tim.
Gabriel appeared to Joseph, Colin, and said You have been chosen to be Jesus's mother! Mary has been chosen.
You have been chosen to be Mary's mother! Mr Chambers, I need a wee.
Let's have a look here.
It's a Christmas tree.
Dickens! - No, don't even think about it.
- Oh, come on.
Two more bulbs.
Still not working.
- One more.
One more.
- See, still not working.
Waste of time.
I've got Cathy's family descending Christmas Eve.
Still, it's a nice reminder.
Of what? Why we avoid each other for the rest of the year.
I'm gonna start charging a penny for every moan.
Four sisters.
Four.
It's like a quintet of Cathys.
Actually, let's just save time.
Give me your wallet.
Have you thought about giving the Nativity a modern twist? As Brecht tells us, art is not a mirror with which to reflect reality but a hammer with which to shape it.
So, how's the the situation? Fine.
Haven't even thought about it.
You haven't really thought about it? You? The man who thinks about everything? And then thinks about it some more.
Honestly, Sidney, you are rushed off your feet.
If you need a hand with anything, anything at all Oh, Leonard, just have the Nativity.
Do what you want with it.
We wish you a merry Christmas Hello, Cece.
Darling, come in, it's freezing.
Ah, those shoulders.
Ha-ha, I will never tire of those shoulders.
Thank you.
Delivery for you, lucky girl.
What do you think, Chambers? I think you'd be better off down here.
They say keep active.
Gets things moving.
There are other ways but that requires the willing participation of a man.
Aunt Cece.
I'm a chronic embarrassment.
- G&T? - Why not? I only have half an hour.
Then we should probably make the most of it.
We should.
Ice and slice? Yes, please.
That would be great.
House rules, Sidney, what did we agree? No sliding down the banisters? Ha.
No canoodling in plain sight.
I always forget that one.
There have been whisperings amongst the servants.
Well, henceforth I shall be a model of discretion.
You haven't thought about it at all, have you? How is it gonna work? The two of you with another man's child? We'll be fine.
- Bye, Cece.
- Bye-bye.
(BELLS CHIMING) (SIGHS) Bride or groom? Take a wild guess.
Pillock.
Are we still waiting for the bride? We're still waiting for the bleeding groom.
(ORGAN PLAYING) She's here.
What do I tell her? Have I got time for a fag? - Butterflies.
I've got butterflies.
- I don't mean to worry you The bugger ain't turned up, Lin.
Drive around for ten minutes.
- He'll be here.
- Course he will.
Course he will be here.
They say the snow is coming.
Will wanted it to snow.
Maybe he needed time to think.
Something terrible has happened.
I can feel it.
So Father came to his senses.
Now is not the time.
Perhaps he realised her pronouncements of love were as cheap as she is.
- Have some respect.
- Respect? For this? Don't pay him any mind.
He's only pent up because he couldn't get a girl if he paid her.
Well, you would know all about that.
Ooh! GEORDIE: A bloke getting cold feet is not police business.
Well, can you make it your business? If it was totally out of character, if he'd been missing for more than 12 hours, then maybe.
Father is not at home.
His bed's not been slept in.
So he's been missing for more than 12 hours.
It's not like him at all.
We had a Christmas shindig yesterday.
We spend every waking hour with these people.
Why we have to socialise with them, too, is beyond me.
Why didn't the bloody alarm go off? Everything has gone! (SIGHS) (CHRISTMAS JINGLE PLAYING) Geordie.
Father! Once in Royal David's city Stood a lowly cattle shed Where a mother laid her baby In a manger for his bed Mary was that mother mild Little angel, isn't he? I caught him smoking earlier.
They said it was a break-in gone wrong.
- I'm so sorry.
- No-one wanted us to be together.
We did it anyway.
All that strife, and what for? For love.
You say that like you know.
We were meant to be escaping Christmas Eve.
One of them cruises from Southampton.
First class.
Dinner at the captain's table.
If you need any help with the funeral No, his son's doing it.
Wants his dad to be buried with his mum.
Couldn't stand the cow while they were alive.
Now they will spend eternity together.
Where is the paperwork from the Davis wedding? I tidied up.
It's in that lot.
Who is supposed to eat all this? Whoever wants it.
Give it to Jack.
Jack is with his daughter and her husband.
She went about her courtship in all the right ways.
She had a child out of wedlock.
With a thief.
What do we think to an epic theatre Nativity? One that relies on the audience's detachment rather than emotional entanglement? I hope the situation won't be causing ructions.
If the Virgin Mary arrived at your door, you would send her on her way.
And what if she was inviting herself for Christmas dinner.
She isn't.
Good.
Just the three of us, then.
I'll be doing what I usually do.
Whisky and jazz between services? It's what you do every day, isn't it? Just don't make plans around me.
Dad bought her whatever her heart desired.
Trips to the theatre.
Trinkets.
It was never enough.
Rings were 18-carat gold, a king's ransom.
Dad always kept 300 in single notes.
She robbed him blind.
She killed him.
You left the party when? It was over by five.
And you have keys and combination for the safe.
He was my father.
A father who didn't consider you kin enough to be his best man.
He asked, but I wasn't about to stand by and watch him flush his life down the pan.
She was spinning you a line from the start, you fool.
She was married in 1951.
May.
There.
Go back.
Blimey.
She gets about a bit.
Fingerprints on the safe belong to the victim.
Opened it most likely whilst being threatened with something.
Hence the scratch marks on the door.
I checked the banns application.
Miss Morgan is a Mrs.
A widow.
What, that's her? Looks a bit different now, doesn't she? Brunette? I knew it.
I bloody knew it! Didn't I say? Didn't I just say? Anything else we should know about her? Nothing.
She keeps her cards close to her barely-concealed chest.
They told me they'd been courting a few months.
They met at his country club.
Country club? It was a club but it had bugger all to do with the country.
(RAUNCHY JAZZ TUNE) You know I have been here before? We had the Parish Council meeting at that very table.
I wouldn't put it past your lot.
Let me guess.
Sagittarius? He's a Libra actually.
Some of the girls play lovey-dovey for the tips, but Linda it was "My Bill this, my Bill that.
" She's not whiter than white but she's no killer.
You need to buy a drink or I'll get in trouble.
So Larry runs the place? And he don't like chit-chat.
(CHEERING) We should go.
I'm starting to feel well, like a vicar in a strip club.
If anyone recognises you just tell 'em you're here saving souls.
Saving souls? Perfect.
Santa, baby, just slip a sable under the tree Bereavement is over, then.
I'd say.
(SOBS) Cheer up, love! You're not being paid to blub on stage and make the punters feel miserable.
Look at me, Lin.
Get yourself together or I'll get somebody else who will.
Look at me! (SOBS) You took a wrong turn, gents.
You'd think so, wouldn't you? (SOBS) I learned it young.
Men stamp on your hearts and don't have the decency to look back.
Bill was different.
Didn't try to pinch your arse when you served the drinks.
Sorry.
Backside.
So you weren't marrying him for the money, then? Would you blame me if I was? What about your first husband? You've got it worked out.
Lines up her men like toy soldiers, picks them off one by one.
Do I look like I gained anything from any of this? First husband died with a doctor, a nurse and a bleeding priest present.
It wasn't all about the money with Bill, was it? Maybe at the start.
Oh, well, chin up, start again, don't look back.
Had a bit of practice over the years.
You knew something had happened to Bill.
Why were you so sure? (CLEARS THROAT) I got a living to make.
Brechtian theatre is not about making our audience like the characters.
But encouraging them to think about the political message that we're trying to convey.
Does it have raisins in it? It's a fruit cake.
Don't much hold for them.
Evil, flinty little things.
Coals to Newcastle.
Ah So I'm not going to be around much for a while.
Not until this one makes an appearance.
Are you afraid? The more you fear, the more fear finds you.
How is it all going to work, Sidney? You, me, the situation.
You know what you should do? You should call your dad.
Hmm.
How much whisky have you had? It's the season for peace and goodwill.
Anyone that believes that hasn't met my family.
I dare you.
You dare me? How old are you? Five? I dare you, Kendall.
O tidings of comfort and joy Comfort and joy Phil? O tidings of comfort and joy No getting rat-arsed.
No getting rat-arsed, I know.
Eyes off the girls, eyes on Larry Simpkins.
Eyes on Larry Simpkins.
I know.
He's running the show.
Anyone knows something, it's him.
Trust me.
I'm a professional.
O, tidings of comfort and joy Comfort and joy O, tidings of comfort and joy (RAUNCHY JAZZ PLAYING) Let me guess.
Sagittarius? - Bingo.
- I'm a Pisces.
Do you know what that makes us? Pals for life? The perfect match.
It's a Christmas miracle.
Dad's agreed to meet.
23rd, neutral territory.
The boys won't be there, but - You'll be back in the fold before you can say - Fallen woman? (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) Take care.
- Write to me.
- Don't work too hard.
Sentry duty is over.
You can stand down.
Mrs Hopkins.
I had some odds and ends in my wool basket.
So Thank you.
You won't need to bother Mr Chambers further, will you? Your situation could do no end of damage to his calling.
I'm sure you wouldn't want that.
Of course.
You were the one that came to me.
You said such wise things.
You gave me such courage.
It's beautiful.
It really is.
Ding dong merrily on high In heaven the bells are ringing Ding dong verily the sky Is riv'n with angel singing Let's straighten you up.
For pity's sake.
There you go, in there.
You all right now? (CHUCKLES) Go home to your wife, smiler.
Hey, mister, you forgot your wallet.
Nice try.
Let steeple bells be swungen So a fella comes to your club.
He's lonely.
Or married.
- Or both.
- Or both.
The girls get him drunk.
You rob him.
And what respectable gent reports it to the police? You don't need me here at all.
Answering your own questions.
Maybe you got greedy.
Made friends with Bill Davis.
Nicking a few wallets now and then? Fair enough.
But doing someone in? You can see why I might reach that conclusion though? I can see it.
You're wrong.
But I can see it.
Do you have an alibi for Friday night? I was at the club.
Ask the girls.
The girls would say anything for you.
I'd be looking at the son if I were you.
Had a bust-up with his old man at that do of theirs.
Felix Davis is a small man in a big man's shadow.
And an arsehole to boot.
(KNOCKING) (DOOR OPENS) Post-mortem results.
He was beaten around the head with a paperweight.
And when that didn't kill him, he was strangled.
We knew that already, didn't we? These were lodged in his throat.
So it wasn't a robbery, that's your concern? No, Sidney, that is not my concern.
Christmas, 1946.
Charlie Parsons left the Mitre pub right as rain.
The next morning, it was supposed to be his wedding day.
Look what is in his mouth.
Wedding rings.
We never got the killer.
We never got the bastard.
We had a prime suspect on day one.
Albert Tannen.
His daughter was pregnant with Charlie's child.
Had the wedding in the offing.
Albert couldn't abide the man.
We arrested him, we questioned him.
We just couldn't make it stick.
You shouldn't have to make it stick.
You know what I mean.
You'd best have purpose for stepping foot in here, Sergeant.
Inspector now, would you believe? Oh, you have done well for yourself.
Leeching off the misery of others.
Where were you, Friday night, Albert? (KNOCKING) - Oi.
- Stupid old git! I'll have your guts for garters! I was here.
- Can anyone verify that? - You've got my answer.
He was killed the night before his wedding.
There were wedding rings in his mouth.
Just like Charlie.
You laid waste to my life once before.
If you're about to do it again you'd best have proof.
Why would Tannen kill Bill Davis? His soon-to-be son-in-law I understand, but a stranger? (SIGHS) Don't tell me.
- Brass bands? - They have their time and place.
Preferably a time and place when I am elsewhere.
You suck the joy out of everything.
There's no proof Tannen and Bill Davis even met.
The proof, Sidney, is in the pudding.
And the pudding in this case is? Come with me.
He's not an acquaintance of your father? Someone from the toy shop? It's happened again, Gail.
Another bride robbed of the man she loved the day before her wedding.
Wedding rings in his mouth.
Just like Charlie.
Jessica, go and sit quietly, please.
Did they know my dad? I'm afraid not.
- He died.
- Jessica! Albert could be involved, Gail.
Do you think he's capable of it? Your father? He has no heart.
And when he killed Charlie .
.
he took mine, too.
He's capable of anything.
Maybe Felix Davis killed his dad.
He wants his job, his fiancée.
So what motive does Felix Davis have for the first killing? What motive does Albert have for the second? - You think I'm trying to make it fit.
- I didn't say that.
- Yes, you did.
- I implied it.
You weren't there.
You didn't have to tell Gail her fiancé had gone.
You didn't sit through that funeral.
Just be sure you're not trying to right an old wrong.
You've got all the clever words for everyone else.
Meaning I haven't when it comes to myself? I didn't say that.
Yes, you did.
I implied it.
(SHOP BELL RINGS) If you've come here to spout your religious clap-trap you can walk straight back out.
I met your daughter.
Still despise me, does she? With good reason, she thinks.
It's what everybody thinks.
Well, damn the lot of them.
I don't think you did it.
You know that's what I loathe about you lot.
Always looking for the good, the light in the darkness.
What if there is no good? What if there is no light? What if this world is just a terrible dark place with nothing you can do about it? The brighter the light, the darker the shadow.
Can't have one without the other.
See? That is exactly what I mean.
(BELL RINGS) Hey! You heard the rumours I'm sure, about what happens to unruly savages when they cross me.
Well, they are all true.
She's Gail's daughter.
What? Oh.
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck? I don't know.
What do you get? A Christmas quacker.
- It's pretty good.
- It's appalling.
This one? I made him.
Every little bit? Every little bit.
They say the child doesn't choose the bear.
The bear chooses the child.
Well, he's chosen you.
No doubt about it.
Albert is a pretty name, don't you think? Very pretty.
You won't tell Mum, will you? No more fireworks.
That was Neville.
Do you go there every day? Is Albert always there? Apart from Friday.
I waited, but he didn't come.
- Dad.
- Uh-hmm? - What's a womb? - What is a what? "Offspring of the Virgin's womb.
" - That's what it said in the song.
- Ask your mother.
- Mum.
- Mmm? What is a womb? It's something grown-up ladies have.
Like a handbag? Yes.
Exactly.
Like a handbag.
I've got a surprise for you.
Oh, God, your mother is here early.
Nothing that bad.
Close your eyes.
Ta-da.
- You didn't? - I did.
Well, it's going right back.
It can't, I've paid the first instalment.
It takes up half the room, Cathy.
(DOORBELL) We're keeping it.
- I don't care what you say.
- Yeah, course you don't care.
Nobody cares what I say.
What's a womb? What's a what? Cathy has bought a television.
It's not going back.
He wasn't in the shop.
The night Bill went missing Albert wasn't there.
Tannen? Albert.
(MUTTERS) Albert, what happened? (MUMBLES) Let's give him hell.
- Cece.
- Eddie.
Shouldn't you be in your confinement? This might come as a surprise to you, Eddie, but it is 1954 and women can be with child in public.
We even have the right to vote.
How are the boys? Your brothers miss you.
So you're here for the foreseeable, I understand? For ever if I had my way.
It's so lovely to see you.
I bought the boys Meccano.
They used to stay up building by torchlight.
Guy would have you back.
I wasn't sure if they were too old now Apologise and he'll take you back.
I've made an awful lot of mistakes, I've hurt an awful lot of people.
- I'm not proud of that.
- She's not coming home, Eddie.
Then your aunt regrets that she must rescind her invitation.
I beg your pardon? Christmas is about family.
And you can no longer claim to be that.
Don't you dare do that.
Don't you dare speak on my behalf.
Your husband is my employee and your son is my employee.
So I think I can speak for you, Cecily.
Whoever attacked your father was certain of his guilt.
They had keys.
They let themselves in.
Do you still have keys? What are you insinuating? You haven't even asked how he is.
Do you expect me to care? I was thinking more along the lines of former employees.
He always had a boy help out Saturdays.
They come and go, I don't know names.
Mr Chambers.
Don't speak to my daughter again.
She's just curious to know about her past.
The past is pain.
The past is a darkness she couldn't understand.
She would understand if you let her.
You bullied me when we were children.
I will not let you do it again.
- It's fine.
- It's not fine.
I'll go.
I'll go.
My solicitor will be in touch to cease access to your allowance.
I'd be grateful if you'd address all future correspondence to him.
- You'd really see your daughter in the streets? - I have friends.
Dad Would you tell the boys that I miss them, too? Very much.
You were harsh, that's all I'm saying.
I was just pointing out that Jessica isn't stupid.
Children aren't stupid.
Ivy.
- Tell Sidney what you want for Christmas.
- Flying shoes.
Have you ever thought it might be Gail? Good afternoon.
Maybe she kills grooms.
Maybe that's what she does.
Mummy.
- Mummy.
- Yes, sweetie.
Doesn't Mrs Maguire have a lovely womb? Come on, in we go.
- I am star.
- I am girl.
- I am boy.
- I am shape.
I am confused.
I am being heavy! A heavenly being.
You're a heavenly being, Colin.
The girl, the boy, the star, the sheep, the heavy havenly the heavenly being are as significant as each other.
No one more important than the other.
We do not want you to feel sorry for them.
Judge them by their character.
Do not Do not empathise.
He's finally gone cuckoo.
(ARGUING) Mr Finch, I need a wee.
Do something! In this story of dusty roads, and poverty-stricken refugees there is a political message that we would like to Stop hitting him, Peter.
A political message that we would like to convey.
- She broke it.
- I know.
That's terrible.
It's a baby Jesus.
Tannen's Saturday worker.
Boy named Neville Grant.
Albert sacked him.
I think I know where he is.
Let's bring him in then.
We can wait five minutes.
LEONARD: Stop fighting.
Please.
- Nah, we're fine.
- We're fine.
I'll talk to him again.
I'll I'll beat some sense into him.
No need.
It's all sorted.
I'm staying with Jen.
She insisted.
Brave girl.
I'm not so sure about that.
Some of us just settle for our lot in lives.
It doesn't cross our minds to do anything about it.
- Now - No, no, please.
You've done so much already.
Do you remember what your mother used to say? Of course I do.
And take care of that vicar of yours.
Those shoulders.
(CHUCKLES) Lucky girl.
Give me a fiver, I'll tell you everything.
Neville, you are under arrest.
You have to tell him everything.
- Really? - That's generally the way it works, yes.
- Why did you attack Albert Tannen? - I didn't.
This is a double murder investigation so no time for messing about.
It was only supposed to give him a scare.
Why write "Confess" on the chalk board? I heard the rumours, same as everyone else.
Maybe you know something.
- Maybe you know he's a murderer.
- No.
Honest to God.
I liked that job and all of a sudden, he didn't want me no more.
- You attacked a defenceless old man.
- He owed me money.
He's got it.
He put on his best suit for it and went to the bank manager.
Why doesn't he just sell the place? And no blighter ever comes in.
Let's get this out of the way, then.
Hello, is Jen there, please? Oh, of course.
Of course.
No, no, don't worry.
Have a lovely Christ Christmas.
That is that done for another year.
(BARKING) Dickens.
Hello Hello Of all the benches in all the world (CHUCKLES) (SIGHS) How was your Nativity? I may have brought shame on the parish.
I've brought shame on my family.
Can I tempt you to a port and lemon? Oh, I should catch my train.
There is no train.
Is there? Come back with me.
If your Nativity brought shame on the parish, what would I do? You'd detract from my embarrassment at least.
- Oh! - What happened? Oh Leonard, I think it's time.
- Oh, Lord.
- Ooh.
(BARKING) I bring tidings of grave joy.
I thought your aunt was taking care of this.
- Mm, she was.
Argh! - Leonard.
I need you to run to Dr Forest.
Right.
And Dr Forest lives? - The big house at the end.
- Right.
The big house at the end? - Can you manage? - Mm, I think so.
Oh, would that be the big house with the lovely cornicing? The big house, Leonard.
The big house.
You might have more luck sending Dickens.
Oh! Charlie Parsons.
I didn't kill him.
He wasn't good enough for Gail.
I didn't kill him.
You know, saying something over and over again, Albert, doesn't make it true.
Why wasn't Charlie good enough? I caught him with some little redhead.
You caught him carrying on.
You shoved those wedding rings right down his throat.
I didn't kill him.
Why didn't you tell Gail? She'd lost everything.
Can't strip her of her memories, too.
Bill Davis? You didn't kill him either, I know.
He was rude to me.
Good day, Mr Tannen.
He said giving me a loan would be throwing good money after bad.
I damaged property.
I didn't kill him.
You knew both men, Albert.
How do you explain that? You'll believe what you want to whether I talk or not.
Let's stop wasting each other's time, shall we? Mr Tannen is in custody.
And we've charged him with your father's murder.
A stranger did this? You're welcome to come to the funeral if you wish.
No.
No, thank you.
Don't say whatever it is you are about to say.
Why beat Bill Davis? Strangle him when you have a chisel in your hand? Why not stab him? Message for you from that pansy fella.
Not that it makes a blind bit of sense.
Apparently there is a situation with the situation.
Get your coat.
- The doctor is in Fulbourn dealing with a beach birth.
- Beach birth? - Breached birth, Leonard.
- What is breached birth? What's a beach birth? - I didn't like to ask.
- Try the midwife again.
And bring the peach towels from the airing cupboard.
Midwife, peach towels, right.
Turned their backs on you, have they? Your family? Put it this way, I'll save a lot of money on Christmas presents.
Times like these are God's way of testing us.
Keep buggerin' on, that's what my mother used to say.
Well, I don't know about that.
I forgot to mention that the midwife is also in Fulbourn with the beach birth.
I mean "breach".
Women have been delivering babies since the dawn of time.
- But you haven't per se? - Can't be much to it, can there? Try the midwife again, keep trying.
These are not the peach towels.
These are pink towels.
Which ones are peach towels? They're in the airing cupboard.
- These were in the airing cupboard.
- Get the peach towels, Leonard! Ah! How is she? - Angry.
- MRS MAGUIRE: Leonard! They both are.
Oh.
You, get him down there.
Argh! No jazz.
Argh! (JAZZ PLAYS) - Tell me something.
- Hmm? Tell me anything.
Anything? Just Converse.
Converse, all right.
Argh! We finally told Esme what a womb is.
She's not speaking to us.
So that's me.
Argh! (SOBS) Argh! LEONARD: When a woman is giving birth she has sorrow for her hour has come.
But when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish for her joy that a human being has been born.
John, 16, 21 - John can piss off for starters.
- I think it's best I go.
- I can't do this.
- Yes, you can.
- I'll just stay pregnant for ever.
I don't mind.
- Don't be ridiculous.
How am I going to do this on my own, Sylvia? You're not on your own, are you? That is enough silliness now.
Ooh.
(GROANS) Hmm.
- Not that one.
- Nah, you won't miss it.
- No, I meant it.
Geordie.
- All right.
Argh! (SCREAMS) Sidney Sidney! Argh! Sidney.
- Where are you going? - I don't know.
Ah, say it.
Drink this and say it.
Every Christmas Day, I get a new LP, a decent bottle of whisky and I shut the door on everyone.
You do that every day, don't you? Yes.
Because I'm good at that.
I'm good at being on my own.
No man is an island, Sidney.
Maybe everyone else is better off if I am.
Say it.
Guy is not here.
And I am here.
And every child needs a father, don't they? It's not like I can be a father.
I can't live with Amanda.
I can't even be bloody seen with her.
And the worst of it is this is just the beginning.
It's gonna get more and more complicated, more and more tangled.
It is never going to work.
I knew it.
I knew there was something.
It'll be all right.
That's your sage advice? It'll be all right? Take Joseph.
Mary's kid wasn't his.
It worked out for them.
So in that analogy .
.
I'm Joseph and Guy is God? You get the gist.
It will work out because you are a good man, Sidney.
Are you seriously telling me you believe in God? And the virgin birth? But you still don't believe you are a good enough man? A good man would walk away.
That girl needs you.
That baby needs you.
And soon enough you're going to need them, too.
So much so it about breaks your heart.
You've got it worked out.
Lines up her men like toy soldiers.
Picks them off one by one.
Chin up, start again, don't look back.
No man is an island.
No man is an island however much they want to be.
Have you had an epiphany three bottles down? Albert says he wants to be alone.
But he doesn't mean it.
Gail says she hates her father but she doesn't mean it either.
Felix Davis trapped in the shadow of his father, his family.
We all are.
There is one person who isn't.
The wedding rings in the mouth.
That is not the act of a man who was turned down for a loan.
That is vengeful.
Someone who's been spurned.
- But no-one has been spurned.
- Yes, they have.
The redhead.
The redhead? The one Albert saw with Charlie Parsons.
She was spurned.
But we don't know who she is.
Do we? What if it is Linda? Linda? What, "Santa Baby" Linda? You were at Charlie's funeral.
Did you see the redhead? No.
Because she'd already moved on.
She dusts herself off.
- She starts again.
- She starts again.
She changes her look, her hair colour, her life.
She doesn't look back.
She closes their eyes like it's the end of a chapter.
We should always do this drunk.
We do generally, don't we? (BABY CRYING) You keep buggerin' on, my girl.
You keep buggerin' on.
I am never doing that again.
Grace, this is Sidney.
He's one of the good ones.
(BABY GURGLES) Hello, Grace.
(JAZZ PLAYING) Bechet was 12 when he started performing.
And he was already the greatest in the world.
A genius at 12? Can you imagine? Listen.
That's what heaven sounds like.
I should come with you.
No, you shouldn't.
(BOTTLES CLANKING) You've drunk the place dry.
There were extenuating circumstances.
It's Christmas Eve.
It's time to behave.
We were meant to be escaping Christmas Eve.
First class.
Dinner at the captain's table.
Why didn't the bloody alarm go off? You're welcome to come to the funeral if you wish.
No.
No, thank you.
(PHONE RINGS) (CHATTER AND LAUGHTER) - Incident room.
- Margaret, she won't be there.
- Shh! - She's already gone.
Santa baby (WHISTLING) Is this seat taken? What is this? This is the past catching up with you, Linda.
Well, will you look at that? I liked you better when you were blonde.
You line them up in a row like toy soldiers and pick them off one by one.
Kill, move on.
Kill, move on.
I'd almost believe it were that easy if it weren't for the wedding rings.
That was an act of aggression.
An act of anger.
Bill's son warned him about you.
Devious, heartless money-grabber.
You meet Bill at the bank.
The party is over.
You ask him for more money.
But this time he's not having it.
He snaps at you.
You snap back like you always do.
And it escalates like it always does.
Men always disappoint, don't they? And that's why you have to punish them.
I think you're lonely, Linda.
- I don't need anyone.
- Everybody needs someone.
Not me.
Bill made you feel like you weren't alone.
We're all alone.
I feel sorry for you.
What other gems have you got? Was I abandoned as a child? Did Mummy never love me? It's Christmas Eve.
My in-laws can't get here because of the snow.
I'd love to stay and chat, but .
.
I'd rather be with my friends and family.
(CHEERING) We can learn so much from the symbolism of Christmas.
From the Christ child himself.
Oh.
The fragility of that baby is a reminder of our own responsibility .
.
to love and care for one another.
The candles of Christmas represent hope.
The hope of our own flickering humanity.
(LAUGHS) We must trust in its ability to illuminate us.
For the light entered the darkness .
.
and the darkness comprehended it not.
May God bless you this Christmas.
You and all those whom you love.
Five letters? Four words.
(ALL GUESSING) RADIO: The First Noel The First Noel Angels did say Was to certain poor shepherds In fields as they lay In fields where they lay Keeping their sheep On a cold winter's night That was so deep.
How is this ever going to work? I don't know.
One day God sent the angel Gabriel down from heaven to speak to Mary.
He said Behold, I bring you tidings of grave joy! Great.
Great joy.
You shall have a baby boy and you shall call him Jesus! When he learned the news, Joseph was worried.
You don't look very worried, Tim.
Gabriel appeared to Joseph, Colin, and said You have been chosen to be Jesus's mother! Mary has been chosen.
You have been chosen to be Mary's mother! Mr Chambers, I need a wee.
Let's have a look here.
It's a Christmas tree.
Dickens! - No, don't even think about it.
- Oh, come on.
Two more bulbs.
Still not working.
- One more.
One more.
- See, still not working.
Waste of time.
I've got Cathy's family descending Christmas Eve.
Still, it's a nice reminder.
Of what? Why we avoid each other for the rest of the year.
I'm gonna start charging a penny for every moan.
Four sisters.
Four.
It's like a quintet of Cathys.
Actually, let's just save time.
Give me your wallet.
Have you thought about giving the Nativity a modern twist? As Brecht tells us, art is not a mirror with which to reflect reality but a hammer with which to shape it.
So, how's the the situation? Fine.
Haven't even thought about it.
You haven't really thought about it? You? The man who thinks about everything? And then thinks about it some more.
Honestly, Sidney, you are rushed off your feet.
If you need a hand with anything, anything at all Oh, Leonard, just have the Nativity.
Do what you want with it.
We wish you a merry Christmas Hello, Cece.
Darling, come in, it's freezing.
Ah, those shoulders.
Ha-ha, I will never tire of those shoulders.
Thank you.
Delivery for you, lucky girl.
What do you think, Chambers? I think you'd be better off down here.
They say keep active.
Gets things moving.
There are other ways but that requires the willing participation of a man.
Aunt Cece.
I'm a chronic embarrassment.
- G&T? - Why not? I only have half an hour.
Then we should probably make the most of it.
We should.
Ice and slice? Yes, please.
That would be great.
House rules, Sidney, what did we agree? No sliding down the banisters? Ha.
No canoodling in plain sight.
I always forget that one.
There have been whisperings amongst the servants.
Well, henceforth I shall be a model of discretion.
You haven't thought about it at all, have you? How is it gonna work? The two of you with another man's child? We'll be fine.
- Bye, Cece.
- Bye-bye.
(BELLS CHIMING) (SIGHS) Bride or groom? Take a wild guess.
Pillock.
Are we still waiting for the bride? We're still waiting for the bleeding groom.
(ORGAN PLAYING) She's here.
What do I tell her? Have I got time for a fag? - Butterflies.
I've got butterflies.
- I don't mean to worry you The bugger ain't turned up, Lin.
Drive around for ten minutes.
- He'll be here.
- Course he will.
Course he will be here.
They say the snow is coming.
Will wanted it to snow.
Maybe he needed time to think.
Something terrible has happened.
I can feel it.
So Father came to his senses.
Now is not the time.
Perhaps he realised her pronouncements of love were as cheap as she is.
- Have some respect.
- Respect? For this? Don't pay him any mind.
He's only pent up because he couldn't get a girl if he paid her.
Well, you would know all about that.
Ooh! GEORDIE: A bloke getting cold feet is not police business.
Well, can you make it your business? If it was totally out of character, if he'd been missing for more than 12 hours, then maybe.
Father is not at home.
His bed's not been slept in.
So he's been missing for more than 12 hours.
It's not like him at all.
We had a Christmas shindig yesterday.
We spend every waking hour with these people.
Why we have to socialise with them, too, is beyond me.
Why didn't the bloody alarm go off? Everything has gone! (SIGHS) (CHRISTMAS JINGLE PLAYING) Geordie.
Father! Once in Royal David's city Stood a lowly cattle shed Where a mother laid her baby In a manger for his bed Mary was that mother mild Little angel, isn't he? I caught him smoking earlier.
They said it was a break-in gone wrong.
- I'm so sorry.
- No-one wanted us to be together.
We did it anyway.
All that strife, and what for? For love.
You say that like you know.
We were meant to be escaping Christmas Eve.
One of them cruises from Southampton.
First class.
Dinner at the captain's table.
If you need any help with the funeral No, his son's doing it.
Wants his dad to be buried with his mum.
Couldn't stand the cow while they were alive.
Now they will spend eternity together.
Where is the paperwork from the Davis wedding? I tidied up.
It's in that lot.
Who is supposed to eat all this? Whoever wants it.
Give it to Jack.
Jack is with his daughter and her husband.
She went about her courtship in all the right ways.
She had a child out of wedlock.
With a thief.
What do we think to an epic theatre Nativity? One that relies on the audience's detachment rather than emotional entanglement? I hope the situation won't be causing ructions.
If the Virgin Mary arrived at your door, you would send her on her way.
And what if she was inviting herself for Christmas dinner.
She isn't.
Good.
Just the three of us, then.
I'll be doing what I usually do.
Whisky and jazz between services? It's what you do every day, isn't it? Just don't make plans around me.
Dad bought her whatever her heart desired.
Trips to the theatre.
Trinkets.
It was never enough.
Rings were 18-carat gold, a king's ransom.
Dad always kept 300 in single notes.
She robbed him blind.
She killed him.
You left the party when? It was over by five.
And you have keys and combination for the safe.
He was my father.
A father who didn't consider you kin enough to be his best man.
He asked, but I wasn't about to stand by and watch him flush his life down the pan.
She was spinning you a line from the start, you fool.
She was married in 1951.
May.
There.
Go back.
Blimey.
She gets about a bit.
Fingerprints on the safe belong to the victim.
Opened it most likely whilst being threatened with something.
Hence the scratch marks on the door.
I checked the banns application.
Miss Morgan is a Mrs.
A widow.
What, that's her? Looks a bit different now, doesn't she? Brunette? I knew it.
I bloody knew it! Didn't I say? Didn't I just say? Anything else we should know about her? Nothing.
She keeps her cards close to her barely-concealed chest.
They told me they'd been courting a few months.
They met at his country club.
Country club? It was a club but it had bugger all to do with the country.
(RAUNCHY JAZZ TUNE) You know I have been here before? We had the Parish Council meeting at that very table.
I wouldn't put it past your lot.
Let me guess.
Sagittarius? He's a Libra actually.
Some of the girls play lovey-dovey for the tips, but Linda it was "My Bill this, my Bill that.
" She's not whiter than white but she's no killer.
You need to buy a drink or I'll get in trouble.
So Larry runs the place? And he don't like chit-chat.
(CHEERING) We should go.
I'm starting to feel well, like a vicar in a strip club.
If anyone recognises you just tell 'em you're here saving souls.
Saving souls? Perfect.
Santa, baby, just slip a sable under the tree Bereavement is over, then.
I'd say.
(SOBS) Cheer up, love! You're not being paid to blub on stage and make the punters feel miserable.
Look at me, Lin.
Get yourself together or I'll get somebody else who will.
Look at me! (SOBS) You took a wrong turn, gents.
You'd think so, wouldn't you? (SOBS) I learned it young.
Men stamp on your hearts and don't have the decency to look back.
Bill was different.
Didn't try to pinch your arse when you served the drinks.
Sorry.
Backside.
So you weren't marrying him for the money, then? Would you blame me if I was? What about your first husband? You've got it worked out.
Lines up her men like toy soldiers, picks them off one by one.
Do I look like I gained anything from any of this? First husband died with a doctor, a nurse and a bleeding priest present.
It wasn't all about the money with Bill, was it? Maybe at the start.
Oh, well, chin up, start again, don't look back.
Had a bit of practice over the years.
You knew something had happened to Bill.
Why were you so sure? (CLEARS THROAT) I got a living to make.
Brechtian theatre is not about making our audience like the characters.
But encouraging them to think about the political message that we're trying to convey.
Does it have raisins in it? It's a fruit cake.
Don't much hold for them.
Evil, flinty little things.
Coals to Newcastle.
Ah So I'm not going to be around much for a while.
Not until this one makes an appearance.
Are you afraid? The more you fear, the more fear finds you.
How is it all going to work, Sidney? You, me, the situation.
You know what you should do? You should call your dad.
Hmm.
How much whisky have you had? It's the season for peace and goodwill.
Anyone that believes that hasn't met my family.
I dare you.
You dare me? How old are you? Five? I dare you, Kendall.
O tidings of comfort and joy Comfort and joy Phil? O tidings of comfort and joy No getting rat-arsed.
No getting rat-arsed, I know.
Eyes off the girls, eyes on Larry Simpkins.
Eyes on Larry Simpkins.
I know.
He's running the show.
Anyone knows something, it's him.
Trust me.
I'm a professional.
O, tidings of comfort and joy Comfort and joy O, tidings of comfort and joy (RAUNCHY JAZZ PLAYING) Let me guess.
Sagittarius? - Bingo.
- I'm a Pisces.
Do you know what that makes us? Pals for life? The perfect match.
It's a Christmas miracle.
Dad's agreed to meet.
23rd, neutral territory.
The boys won't be there, but - You'll be back in the fold before you can say - Fallen woman? (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) Take care.
- Write to me.
- Don't work too hard.
Sentry duty is over.
You can stand down.
Mrs Hopkins.
I had some odds and ends in my wool basket.
So Thank you.
You won't need to bother Mr Chambers further, will you? Your situation could do no end of damage to his calling.
I'm sure you wouldn't want that.
Of course.
You were the one that came to me.
You said such wise things.
You gave me such courage.
It's beautiful.
It really is.
Ding dong merrily on high In heaven the bells are ringing Ding dong verily the sky Is riv'n with angel singing Let's straighten you up.
For pity's sake.
There you go, in there.
You all right now? (CHUCKLES) Go home to your wife, smiler.
Hey, mister, you forgot your wallet.
Nice try.
Let steeple bells be swungen So a fella comes to your club.
He's lonely.
Or married.
- Or both.
- Or both.
The girls get him drunk.
You rob him.
And what respectable gent reports it to the police? You don't need me here at all.
Answering your own questions.
Maybe you got greedy.
Made friends with Bill Davis.
Nicking a few wallets now and then? Fair enough.
But doing someone in? You can see why I might reach that conclusion though? I can see it.
You're wrong.
But I can see it.
Do you have an alibi for Friday night? I was at the club.
Ask the girls.
The girls would say anything for you.
I'd be looking at the son if I were you.
Had a bust-up with his old man at that do of theirs.
Felix Davis is a small man in a big man's shadow.
And an arsehole to boot.
(KNOCKING) (DOOR OPENS) Post-mortem results.
He was beaten around the head with a paperweight.
And when that didn't kill him, he was strangled.
We knew that already, didn't we? These were lodged in his throat.
So it wasn't a robbery, that's your concern? No, Sidney, that is not my concern.
Christmas, 1946.
Charlie Parsons left the Mitre pub right as rain.
The next morning, it was supposed to be his wedding day.
Look what is in his mouth.
Wedding rings.
We never got the killer.
We never got the bastard.
We had a prime suspect on day one.
Albert Tannen.
His daughter was pregnant with Charlie's child.
Had the wedding in the offing.
Albert couldn't abide the man.
We arrested him, we questioned him.
We just couldn't make it stick.
You shouldn't have to make it stick.
You know what I mean.
You'd best have purpose for stepping foot in here, Sergeant.
Inspector now, would you believe? Oh, you have done well for yourself.
Leeching off the misery of others.
Where were you, Friday night, Albert? (KNOCKING) - Oi.
- Stupid old git! I'll have your guts for garters! I was here.
- Can anyone verify that? - You've got my answer.
He was killed the night before his wedding.
There were wedding rings in his mouth.
Just like Charlie.
You laid waste to my life once before.
If you're about to do it again you'd best have proof.
Why would Tannen kill Bill Davis? His soon-to-be son-in-law I understand, but a stranger? (SIGHS) Don't tell me.
- Brass bands? - They have their time and place.
Preferably a time and place when I am elsewhere.
You suck the joy out of everything.
There's no proof Tannen and Bill Davis even met.
The proof, Sidney, is in the pudding.
And the pudding in this case is? Come with me.
He's not an acquaintance of your father? Someone from the toy shop? It's happened again, Gail.
Another bride robbed of the man she loved the day before her wedding.
Wedding rings in his mouth.
Just like Charlie.
Jessica, go and sit quietly, please.
Did they know my dad? I'm afraid not.
- He died.
- Jessica! Albert could be involved, Gail.
Do you think he's capable of it? Your father? He has no heart.
And when he killed Charlie .
.
he took mine, too.
He's capable of anything.
Maybe Felix Davis killed his dad.
He wants his job, his fiancée.
So what motive does Felix Davis have for the first killing? What motive does Albert have for the second? - You think I'm trying to make it fit.
- I didn't say that.
- Yes, you did.
- I implied it.
You weren't there.
You didn't have to tell Gail her fiancé had gone.
You didn't sit through that funeral.
Just be sure you're not trying to right an old wrong.
You've got all the clever words for everyone else.
Meaning I haven't when it comes to myself? I didn't say that.
Yes, you did.
I implied it.
(SHOP BELL RINGS) If you've come here to spout your religious clap-trap you can walk straight back out.
I met your daughter.
Still despise me, does she? With good reason, she thinks.
It's what everybody thinks.
Well, damn the lot of them.
I don't think you did it.
You know that's what I loathe about you lot.
Always looking for the good, the light in the darkness.
What if there is no good? What if there is no light? What if this world is just a terrible dark place with nothing you can do about it? The brighter the light, the darker the shadow.
Can't have one without the other.
See? That is exactly what I mean.
(BELL RINGS) Hey! You heard the rumours I'm sure, about what happens to unruly savages when they cross me.
Well, they are all true.
She's Gail's daughter.
What? Oh.
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck? I don't know.
What do you get? A Christmas quacker.
- It's pretty good.
- It's appalling.
This one? I made him.
Every little bit? Every little bit.
They say the child doesn't choose the bear.
The bear chooses the child.
Well, he's chosen you.
No doubt about it.
Albert is a pretty name, don't you think? Very pretty.
You won't tell Mum, will you? No more fireworks.
That was Neville.
Do you go there every day? Is Albert always there? Apart from Friday.
I waited, but he didn't come.
- Dad.
- Uh-hmm? - What's a womb? - What is a what? "Offspring of the Virgin's womb.
" - That's what it said in the song.
- Ask your mother.
- Mum.
- Mmm? What is a womb? It's something grown-up ladies have.
Like a handbag? Yes.
Exactly.
Like a handbag.
I've got a surprise for you.
Oh, God, your mother is here early.
Nothing that bad.
Close your eyes.
Ta-da.
- You didn't? - I did.
Well, it's going right back.
It can't, I've paid the first instalment.
It takes up half the room, Cathy.
(DOORBELL) We're keeping it.
- I don't care what you say.
- Yeah, course you don't care.
Nobody cares what I say.
What's a womb? What's a what? Cathy has bought a television.
It's not going back.
He wasn't in the shop.
The night Bill went missing Albert wasn't there.
Tannen? Albert.
(MUTTERS) Albert, what happened? (MUMBLES) Let's give him hell.
- Cece.
- Eddie.
Shouldn't you be in your confinement? This might come as a surprise to you, Eddie, but it is 1954 and women can be with child in public.
We even have the right to vote.
How are the boys? Your brothers miss you.
So you're here for the foreseeable, I understand? For ever if I had my way.
It's so lovely to see you.
I bought the boys Meccano.
They used to stay up building by torchlight.
Guy would have you back.
I wasn't sure if they were too old now Apologise and he'll take you back.
I've made an awful lot of mistakes, I've hurt an awful lot of people.
- I'm not proud of that.
- She's not coming home, Eddie.
Then your aunt regrets that she must rescind her invitation.
I beg your pardon? Christmas is about family.
And you can no longer claim to be that.
Don't you dare do that.
Don't you dare speak on my behalf.
Your husband is my employee and your son is my employee.
So I think I can speak for you, Cecily.
Whoever attacked your father was certain of his guilt.
They had keys.
They let themselves in.
Do you still have keys? What are you insinuating? You haven't even asked how he is.
Do you expect me to care? I was thinking more along the lines of former employees.
He always had a boy help out Saturdays.
They come and go, I don't know names.
Mr Chambers.
Don't speak to my daughter again.
She's just curious to know about her past.
The past is pain.
The past is a darkness she couldn't understand.
She would understand if you let her.
You bullied me when we were children.
I will not let you do it again.
- It's fine.
- It's not fine.
I'll go.
I'll go.
My solicitor will be in touch to cease access to your allowance.
I'd be grateful if you'd address all future correspondence to him.
- You'd really see your daughter in the streets? - I have friends.
Dad Would you tell the boys that I miss them, too? Very much.
You were harsh, that's all I'm saying.
I was just pointing out that Jessica isn't stupid.
Children aren't stupid.
Ivy.
- Tell Sidney what you want for Christmas.
- Flying shoes.
Have you ever thought it might be Gail? Good afternoon.
Maybe she kills grooms.
Maybe that's what she does.
Mummy.
- Mummy.
- Yes, sweetie.
Doesn't Mrs Maguire have a lovely womb? Come on, in we go.
- I am star.
- I am girl.
- I am boy.
- I am shape.
I am confused.
I am being heavy! A heavenly being.
You're a heavenly being, Colin.
The girl, the boy, the star, the sheep, the heavy havenly the heavenly being are as significant as each other.
No one more important than the other.
We do not want you to feel sorry for them.
Judge them by their character.
Do not Do not empathise.
He's finally gone cuckoo.
(ARGUING) Mr Finch, I need a wee.
Do something! In this story of dusty roads, and poverty-stricken refugees there is a political message that we would like to Stop hitting him, Peter.
A political message that we would like to convey.
- She broke it.
- I know.
That's terrible.
It's a baby Jesus.
Tannen's Saturday worker.
Boy named Neville Grant.
Albert sacked him.
I think I know where he is.
Let's bring him in then.
We can wait five minutes.
LEONARD: Stop fighting.
Please.
- Nah, we're fine.
- We're fine.
I'll talk to him again.
I'll I'll beat some sense into him.
No need.
It's all sorted.
I'm staying with Jen.
She insisted.
Brave girl.
I'm not so sure about that.
Some of us just settle for our lot in lives.
It doesn't cross our minds to do anything about it.
- Now - No, no, please.
You've done so much already.
Do you remember what your mother used to say? Of course I do.
And take care of that vicar of yours.
Those shoulders.
(CHUCKLES) Lucky girl.
Give me a fiver, I'll tell you everything.
Neville, you are under arrest.
You have to tell him everything.
- Really? - That's generally the way it works, yes.
- Why did you attack Albert Tannen? - I didn't.
This is a double murder investigation so no time for messing about.
It was only supposed to give him a scare.
Why write "Confess" on the chalk board? I heard the rumours, same as everyone else.
Maybe you know something.
- Maybe you know he's a murderer.
- No.
Honest to God.
I liked that job and all of a sudden, he didn't want me no more.
- You attacked a defenceless old man.
- He owed me money.
He's got it.
He put on his best suit for it and went to the bank manager.
Why doesn't he just sell the place? And no blighter ever comes in.
Let's get this out of the way, then.
Hello, is Jen there, please? Oh, of course.
Of course.
No, no, don't worry.
Have a lovely Christ Christmas.
That is that done for another year.
(BARKING) Dickens.
Hello Hello Of all the benches in all the world (CHUCKLES) (SIGHS) How was your Nativity? I may have brought shame on the parish.
I've brought shame on my family.
Can I tempt you to a port and lemon? Oh, I should catch my train.
There is no train.
Is there? Come back with me.
If your Nativity brought shame on the parish, what would I do? You'd detract from my embarrassment at least.
- Oh! - What happened? Oh Leonard, I think it's time.
- Oh, Lord.
- Ooh.
(BARKING) I bring tidings of grave joy.
I thought your aunt was taking care of this.
- Mm, she was.
Argh! - Leonard.
I need you to run to Dr Forest.
Right.
And Dr Forest lives? - The big house at the end.
- Right.
The big house at the end? - Can you manage? - Mm, I think so.
Oh, would that be the big house with the lovely cornicing? The big house, Leonard.
The big house.
You might have more luck sending Dickens.
Oh! Charlie Parsons.
I didn't kill him.
He wasn't good enough for Gail.
I didn't kill him.
You know, saying something over and over again, Albert, doesn't make it true.
Why wasn't Charlie good enough? I caught him with some little redhead.
You caught him carrying on.
You shoved those wedding rings right down his throat.
I didn't kill him.
Why didn't you tell Gail? She'd lost everything.
Can't strip her of her memories, too.
Bill Davis? You didn't kill him either, I know.
He was rude to me.
Good day, Mr Tannen.
He said giving me a loan would be throwing good money after bad.
I damaged property.
I didn't kill him.
You knew both men, Albert.
How do you explain that? You'll believe what you want to whether I talk or not.
Let's stop wasting each other's time, shall we? Mr Tannen is in custody.
And we've charged him with your father's murder.
A stranger did this? You're welcome to come to the funeral if you wish.
No.
No, thank you.
Don't say whatever it is you are about to say.
Why beat Bill Davis? Strangle him when you have a chisel in your hand? Why not stab him? Message for you from that pansy fella.
Not that it makes a blind bit of sense.
Apparently there is a situation with the situation.
Get your coat.
- The doctor is in Fulbourn dealing with a beach birth.
- Beach birth? - Breached birth, Leonard.
- What is breached birth? What's a beach birth? - I didn't like to ask.
- Try the midwife again.
And bring the peach towels from the airing cupboard.
Midwife, peach towels, right.
Turned their backs on you, have they? Your family? Put it this way, I'll save a lot of money on Christmas presents.
Times like these are God's way of testing us.
Keep buggerin' on, that's what my mother used to say.
Well, I don't know about that.
I forgot to mention that the midwife is also in Fulbourn with the beach birth.
I mean "breach".
Women have been delivering babies since the dawn of time.
- But you haven't per se? - Can't be much to it, can there? Try the midwife again, keep trying.
These are not the peach towels.
These are pink towels.
Which ones are peach towels? They're in the airing cupboard.
- These were in the airing cupboard.
- Get the peach towels, Leonard! Ah! How is she? - Angry.
- MRS MAGUIRE: Leonard! They both are.
Oh.
You, get him down there.
Argh! No jazz.
Argh! (JAZZ PLAYS) - Tell me something.
- Hmm? Tell me anything.
Anything? Just Converse.
Converse, all right.
Argh! We finally told Esme what a womb is.
She's not speaking to us.
So that's me.
Argh! (SOBS) Argh! LEONARD: When a woman is giving birth she has sorrow for her hour has come.
But when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish for her joy that a human being has been born.
John, 16, 21 - John can piss off for starters.
- I think it's best I go.
- I can't do this.
- Yes, you can.
- I'll just stay pregnant for ever.
I don't mind.
- Don't be ridiculous.
How am I going to do this on my own, Sylvia? You're not on your own, are you? That is enough silliness now.
Ooh.
(GROANS) Hmm.
- Not that one.
- Nah, you won't miss it.
- No, I meant it.
Geordie.
- All right.
Argh! (SCREAMS) Sidney Sidney! Argh! Sidney.
- Where are you going? - I don't know.
Ah, say it.
Drink this and say it.
Every Christmas Day, I get a new LP, a decent bottle of whisky and I shut the door on everyone.
You do that every day, don't you? Yes.
Because I'm good at that.
I'm good at being on my own.
No man is an island, Sidney.
Maybe everyone else is better off if I am.
Say it.
Guy is not here.
And I am here.
And every child needs a father, don't they? It's not like I can be a father.
I can't live with Amanda.
I can't even be bloody seen with her.
And the worst of it is this is just the beginning.
It's gonna get more and more complicated, more and more tangled.
It is never going to work.
I knew it.
I knew there was something.
It'll be all right.
That's your sage advice? It'll be all right? Take Joseph.
Mary's kid wasn't his.
It worked out for them.
So in that analogy .
.
I'm Joseph and Guy is God? You get the gist.
It will work out because you are a good man, Sidney.
Are you seriously telling me you believe in God? And the virgin birth? But you still don't believe you are a good enough man? A good man would walk away.
That girl needs you.
That baby needs you.
And soon enough you're going to need them, too.
So much so it about breaks your heart.
You've got it worked out.
Lines up her men like toy soldiers.
Picks them off one by one.
Chin up, start again, don't look back.
No man is an island.
No man is an island however much they want to be.
Have you had an epiphany three bottles down? Albert says he wants to be alone.
But he doesn't mean it.
Gail says she hates her father but she doesn't mean it either.
Felix Davis trapped in the shadow of his father, his family.
We all are.
There is one person who isn't.
The wedding rings in the mouth.
That is not the act of a man who was turned down for a loan.
That is vengeful.
Someone who's been spurned.
- But no-one has been spurned.
- Yes, they have.
The redhead.
The redhead? The one Albert saw with Charlie Parsons.
She was spurned.
But we don't know who she is.
Do we? What if it is Linda? Linda? What, "Santa Baby" Linda? You were at Charlie's funeral.
Did you see the redhead? No.
Because she'd already moved on.
She dusts herself off.
- She starts again.
- She starts again.
She changes her look, her hair colour, her life.
She doesn't look back.
She closes their eyes like it's the end of a chapter.
We should always do this drunk.
We do generally, don't we? (BABY CRYING) You keep buggerin' on, my girl.
You keep buggerin' on.
I am never doing that again.
Grace, this is Sidney.
He's one of the good ones.
(BABY GURGLES) Hello, Grace.
(JAZZ PLAYING) Bechet was 12 when he started performing.
And he was already the greatest in the world.
A genius at 12? Can you imagine? Listen.
That's what heaven sounds like.
I should come with you.
No, you shouldn't.
(BOTTLES CLANKING) You've drunk the place dry.
There were extenuating circumstances.
It's Christmas Eve.
It's time to behave.
We were meant to be escaping Christmas Eve.
First class.
Dinner at the captain's table.
Why didn't the bloody alarm go off? You're welcome to come to the funeral if you wish.
No.
No, thank you.
(PHONE RINGS) (CHATTER AND LAUGHTER) - Incident room.
- Margaret, she won't be there.
- Shh! - She's already gone.
Santa baby (WHISTLING) Is this seat taken? What is this? This is the past catching up with you, Linda.
Well, will you look at that? I liked you better when you were blonde.
You line them up in a row like toy soldiers and pick them off one by one.
Kill, move on.
Kill, move on.
I'd almost believe it were that easy if it weren't for the wedding rings.
That was an act of aggression.
An act of anger.
Bill's son warned him about you.
Devious, heartless money-grabber.
You meet Bill at the bank.
The party is over.
You ask him for more money.
But this time he's not having it.
He snaps at you.
You snap back like you always do.
And it escalates like it always does.
Men always disappoint, don't they? And that's why you have to punish them.
I think you're lonely, Linda.
- I don't need anyone.
- Everybody needs someone.
Not me.
Bill made you feel like you weren't alone.
We're all alone.
I feel sorry for you.
What other gems have you got? Was I abandoned as a child? Did Mummy never love me? It's Christmas Eve.
My in-laws can't get here because of the snow.
I'd love to stay and chat, but .
.
I'd rather be with my friends and family.
(CHEERING) We can learn so much from the symbolism of Christmas.
From the Christ child himself.
Oh.
The fragility of that baby is a reminder of our own responsibility .
.
to love and care for one another.
The candles of Christmas represent hope.
The hope of our own flickering humanity.
(LAUGHS) We must trust in its ability to illuminate us.
For the light entered the darkness .
.
and the darkness comprehended it not.
May God bless you this Christmas.
You and all those whom you love.
Five letters? Four words.
(ALL GUESSING) RADIO: The First Noel The First Noel Angels did say Was to certain poor shepherds In fields as they lay In fields where they lay Keeping their sheep On a cold winter's night That was so deep.
How is this ever going to work? I don't know.