Airwolf (1984) s02e01 Episode Script
Sweet Britches
I'm gonna take you hunting.
[growling.]
(narrator) Next, on Airwolf.
[gun firing.]
I wanna see that prisoner.
You go sticking your butt in where it's not wanted and it's gonna get kicked.
It was a UFO.
It was aliens, Sheriff.
Look, you've gotta help me.
I'm not bust'n anybody out of jail.
Come on, out the back.
[wind howling.]
[siren wailing.]
County 1, this is helo Papa 5 following from above.
Do you need assistance? County 1, this is helo Papa 5.
Do you read? Damn county mounty.
Doesn't even know when he needs assis County 1, break it off, break it off! There's a ravine ahead.
He'll never see it in time.
That's right.
County 1, I'll radio Desert City Memorial and tell 'em to expect a trauma case.
I can have him there in 15 minutes.
This is Sheriff Bogan.
I'll be returning this boy to county jail for medical attention.
I don't think you understand, Sheriff.
I can have him to the hospital before you can have him to the highway, over.
I understand.
I'm the Sheriff of Pope County and you're a flying meter maid.
Over.
Unless you want me to shoot this escaping prisoner, I'd back that Dustbuster off.
I mean it, meter maid.
[phone ringing.]
Would you get that? String.
Yeah? Would you get the phone, please? By the time I get there, it'll stop ringing.
Humor me.
[phone continues to ring.]
It'll probably stop ringing just about the time I get within 10 feet.
Okay, so you were right.
Well, now what are you doing? Well, it rang so long it must be important.
They'll probably call back, just in case they misdialed.
[phone ringing.]
Santini Air.
I have a collect call for a Stringfellow Hawke from a James Blake.
Will you accept the charges? Sure.
Go ahead, sir.
Jimmy, where the hell are you? Outside of Hondo, Texas.
Only I ain't Jimmy.
I'm sort of a pal.
(Stringfellow) Sort of? Yeah, well me and Jimmy were doing time together in the county jug.
[sighing.]
Well, what'd he do this time? He cut across some local ponderosa on his dirt bike.
They don't like that in Texas.
Well, where do I send the bail money? Oh heck, partner, he don't need no bail.
We busted out this morning.
Damn.
That place is a hellhole.
Sheriff's a mean dude.
Jimmy's running for Mexico on his bike and I caught myself a ride with a gorgeous blonde in a Mercedes.
[laughing.]
Oh man, it's a hitcher's dream come true.
Anyway, ole Jimmy, he told me to give you a call in case he couldn't.
You heard from him? No.
Guess there ain't no phone booths out in the desert? - Gotta go.
- Hey, wait a minute.
I ain't got it.
My ride's waiting.
Well, what jail did you bust out of? Pope County, Texas.
[whooping.]
Why do I get the feeling that that call was collect? 'Cause it was.
[exclaiming.]
You remember me telling you about Jimmy Blake? No.
Air Cav, he pulled me out of Indian territory when I went down one time.
He's in trouble in Texas.
What kind of trouble? Some sort of trespassing violation.
Oh? Problem is he busted out of jail.
Oh? Yeah, he's heading for Mexico and Wants you to pull him out of Indian territory.
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
Well, let me point out one thing to you, String.
You don't bust out of jail for trespassing, and Texas ain't Vietnam.
Maybe Jimmy just doesn't see it that way.
How are you gonna find a guy who's running for the border? Oh, no! Oh, no! I kind of liked it around here for the last 2 months.
Nobody in white suits bugging us.
Nobody in jets buzzing us.
Nobody shooting at us.
Nothing more exciting than just the usual, routine in-flight emergency.
I kind of like to fly helicopters the old-fashioned way like God intended.
You through? Yeah, I just had to get it off my chest.
Hey, you gotta admit one thing.
She sure gets your heart to pumping.
Huh? [sighs.]
Sure does.
Did you miss me, sweetheart? Dom, it's only a machine.
Hey, she's got feelings.
Ain't you, baby? [hydraulics hissing.]
Huh.
Temperature's dropping.
Just vented the hydraulics.
Sure, String.
Sure.
[door opening.]
[Dominic sighs.]
There you are.
[beeping.]
You ready? Ready.
3 months doesn't seem to have bothered her.
All systems are in the green.
Then what are we waiting for? Oh, I was hoping you'd say that.
[feline 1 growling.]
What was that one? Cheetah.
$10,000.
[feline 2 growling.]
Ocelot.
$15,000.
Sure would like to shoot me an ocelot.
Well, that's why I'm in the business, isn't it? [feline 3 growling.]
That there's old Sam.
First big cat I ever brought back from Africa.
He's been the boss man on this range for 10 years.
Anybody ever shoot him? Shot at him.
Some say they shot him good, too.
But nobody ever brought that old boy down, though.
How much? $50,000.
[exclaiming.]
Sure would be worth it.
Houston, I'd sell my soul for a good hunt.
[wolf howling.]
(Stringfellow) What have you got? Not much.
We're still 100 miles out.
According to the computer, the town has less than 200 people, only 4 major structures.
2 seem to be gas stations.
One's gotta be the county jail and the other's probably a bar.
It'll be just another West Texas cow town, if it wasn't for that fence.
Fence? (Dominic) Snap your electro-magnetic sensors on, will you? (Stringfellow) What is it? Electrified fence.
A big one.
5,000 volts.
It runs at least 50 miles in and out of that town.
Government installation? Not according to the chart.
What are we gonna do? Set me down outside of town.
I'll find out what I can about Jimmy's escape.
And what do I do? Twiddle my thumbs hiding out behind that big fence somewhere? So, what are you afraid of? It's just to keep people out.
Yeah? What if it's to keep something in? [lion growling.]
[people chattering.]
[country music playing.]
[door creaking open.]
Excuse me.
Now why would I want to do that, little lady? 'Cause if you don't, I'm gonna take you off at the knees.
Oh, you are, are you? (Bogan) Back off, Buck.
Sure thing, Sheriff.
Thank you.
I'm Deputy Caitlin O'Shaughnessy, Texas Highway Patrol, Aerial Division.
I'm the flying meter maid, as you put it.
May I sit down? No.
I was over to your lockup to see that prisoner you ran down today.
Your Deputy said I'd have to get your permission.
That's right.
Well, l would like to see him, please.
No.
That man was hurt.
Now, I don't give a damn what he did or was wanted for.
He needed immediate medical attention and he didn't get it because you buffaloed me out of doing my job.
You're not going to do it again, Sheriff.
I wanna see that prisoner.
Meter maid, you go sticking your butt in where it's not wanted and it's gonna get kicked.
No matter how cute it is.
Okay, Sheriff.
Looks like we'll do this the hard way.
[door slamming.]
Sheriff Bogan, you're a geek.
Okay, we'll see how cool you are when I come back with a court order from Judge Blackmore.
Yeah, try that when I'm on duty.
It's gonna cost you $200.
[horn honking.]
Hello? Hello? [horn blaring.]
You looking for me, sweet britches? I'm a Deputy with the Texas Highway Patrol.
Well, what are you gonna do, sweet britches? Write us up a parking ticket? Don't be stupid.
Now, we can forget about this right now.
But if you lay a hand on me Then what? This! [Caitlin grunting.]
That was the biggest mistake of your life.
Get her car, Billie.
Tie her down, boys.
No! [Caitlin screaming.]
Hold it.
(Stringfellow on loudspeaker) Let the girl go.
I said, let her go.
Let her go.
I'd call it a night, boys.
You gotta be kidding me, cowboy.
[men shouting.]
[laughing.]
(Billie) It was a UFO.
That's what it was, Sheriff.
A UFO.
It weren't no UFO.
It was a chopper.
You ever see a chopper big enough to blow over a pickup? It was aliens, Sheriff.
Damn it, Billie, it was a chopper.
Probably one of them secret military jobs out of Fort Hood.
What's the matter with your voice, Billie? [stuttering.]
She chopped me in the throat when I wasn't looking.
When he wasn't looking.
At least she didn't drop-kick me.
You boys wouldn't be trying to feed me a bucket of hogwash, would you, 'cause you rolled your pickup trying to run that meter maid down? [all chattering.]
[shushing.]
What's going on, boys? It's UFOs, Mr.
Houston.
With aliens in 'em.
It was a chopper.
What's wrong with your throat, Billie? Um Mr.
Houston, you think a chopper could knock over my pickup? J.
J.
, what you been giving these boys? Too much drinking money.
Sheriff, we're telling you the truth, and that's the gospel.
I am.
That's the gospel, Sheriff.
I know these boys don't have the brains of a dead armadillo between 'em, but something's got 'em spooked.
Whatever it is, I'll handle it.
You always have, haven't you, J.
J.
? You bet.
Got a hot one for you tomorrow.
Can't help you.
What about that hitchhiker and that biker? They busted out this morning.
Sorry to hear that, J.
J.
This boy was gonna pay us $100,000 for a special hunt.
He still may.
[people chattering.]
You got any ID, boy? Why? Did I do something? It got stolen with my car outside of El Paso.
How'd you get here? I hitched.
Got money? I got enough for this beer.
How about something to eat? No, thanks.
County's buying.
I'm no vagrant, Sheriff.
You are in Pope County, boy.
Does that mean I can't take my beer? Catch you with your boots on my desk again, Bobby, and your mama's gonna be wearing black.
Yes, sir.
Have a seat, boy.
Listen, Sheriff.
You don't have [groaning.]
Name? James Blake.
Hey, Sheriff, that's the same name as that biker.
You trying to be funny, boy? No, sir.
That's my name.
Why? Did somebody come through here using my ID? Yeah, a biker.
Still here? No, he escaped yesterday.
Took out of here on that big bike Bobby! You know what I think, boy? No, sir.
I think you're a smart mouth up to someth'n.
Sheriff, my car and my ID were stolen in El Paso.
Couple days ago.
I think you're lyin', boy.
[sighs.]
I'm gettin' too old for this.
Bake all day and freeze all night.
[scoffs.]
[grunts.]
What does String think I am anyway? A machine? [hydraulics hissing.]
Oh, sorry honey, no offense.
But you you were made for all that adventure in the sky.
Blasting all over the place.
[chuckles.]
Blowing over pickup trucks.
Yeah, that's all right for String and you, but when you get to be my age, you kind of like to know what's gonna happen in advance, you know? And not be surprised every time you turn around.
[growling.]
[helicopter whirring.]
Jumping jack rabbits.
Sheriff Bogan ain't gonna like that.
Sheriff Bogan ain't gonna like a lot of things.
I take it he isn't here? No.
Fine, you'll do.
These are 4 John Doe warrants for the arrest of those local yokels who tried to kidnap me last night.
- Huh? - "Huh?" Yeah, I know.
You don't know nothin' about it.
This is from Judge Blackmore in San Antone.
It orders you to produce that prisoner I saw Sheriff Bogan run to ground yesterday, out north of the African Hunt Club Ranch.
The biker? If that's what you call him.
Well, he got away.
You are trying my patience, Deputy.
I'm tellin' you he ain't here.
Not here, huh? That ain't the biker you're looking for.
That's James Blake.
That was the biker's name, too, but he stole this guy's ID in El Paso.
You're not him.
Are you looking for James Blake? If that's the biker I saw Sheriff Bogan run to ground yesterday, yes.
Sheriff said he got away.
I sure would like a word with you, Miss Deputy, Caitlin.
I'm Stringfellow Hawke.
You lied to the sheriff? Yeah.
I sure did.
I still need to talk with you.
I'm listening.
I'm getting Sheriff Bogan.
You do that, Deputy.
All right, Mr.
Hawke, what have you got to say? (Dominic) Nice kitty.
[growling.]
Why don't you go lay down in the shade somewhere? Gotta be hot out there in the sun.
It's hot out of the sun.
I can't run the air conditioner 'cause I'll run down the batteries.
And if I run down the batteries, I can't start the You don't care, do you? Of course you don't care.
Oh, sure.
Go on, go on.
Go ahead, lay down.
That's it, go on.
Take over.
Sure.
Call a few of your pals.
Throw a little [yelling.]
Look, you've gotta help me.
If Jimmy is alive, I may be his only chance.
How are you gonna find him? Well, I kind of think like him.
I'd probably start where you saw him last.
I'm gonna nail Sheriff Bogan's butt on a couple of counts, including the murder of your friend, if he did that.
But I'm not bust'n anybody out of jail.
You're her.
What? I You kind of look like a lady I met recently.
Listen, if you won't get me out, at least let me make a phone call to a friend who will.
What? Sheriff Bogan didn't let you make a phone call? Does it look like it? No.
You try anything, cowboy, I'm gonna make what he did to you look like love taps.
I know.
[roaring.]
Come on.
Get up and get out of here, will you? I don't wanna have to shoot you.
And take them with you.
[phone ringing.]
Well, it's about time.
Yeah, I got myself in a bit of a problem.
(Dominic) So did I.
I need you to get me out of the Pope County jail just as soon as you can take off.
Just as soon as I can get the camouflage net off.
Great.
There's only one thing.
I can't get the net off until the lions move.
Say again? You heard me, String.
I'm surrounded in here in this cockpit by a bunch of lions.
There must be at least 6 or 7 of 'em.
Lions? Is your friend hunting on the ranch? Yeah, sort of.
You know, anybody who hunts those beautiful cats ought to be hunted themselves.
Dom, Sheriff's here.
You'll have to bring your sweetheart if you want to get me now.
A prisoner is entitled to a free phone call, Sheriff.
One more word, meter maid, and you're dead.
Don't threaten me, Sheriff.
I won't have Caitlin.
Boy just saved your life for now.
Lock her up, Bobby.
Yes, sir.
But, Sheriff You lied to me, boy.
You killed Jimmy, didn't you? Deader than hell.
I suppose that means you're gonna kill me now.
Can't afford to kill you, boy.
I'm gonna take you hunting.
(Houston) He's got about 80,000 acres to hide in out there.
Of course, most of it's open desert.
Not much like Vietnam, huh? No, sir.
Sure wish I could have made that one.
Why didn't you? My Mother was an invalid and I had to take care of her.
Hey, I got something.
I wouldn't be holding down on J.
J.
when he pulls up here.
Raise your right hand, boy.
You swear to uphold the laws of Texas and Pope County? Yes, sir.
You're now an official Deputy.
I got a prisoner loose out.
You can lower your hand, boy.
I got an escaped prisoner out there.
Go get him.
Yes, sir.
How are we ever gonna find him? He'll run the arroyo to keep out of sight.
We'll cut his tracks in one of them.
After that, he's dead meat.
Yeah, dead meat.
Bingo.
She sure is feisty, Sheriff.
Been threatening to bring in everybody from the Governor to the National Guard.
Buck's at The Rack.
Tell him to bring the boys over.
They'll take the feistiness out of her.
Do you have to do that, Sheriff? If you got a good pack of hounds, Bobby, you gotta give them a little meat now and then.
Yes, sir.
Don't just sit there, man.
Take your shot.
Who taught you how to shoot? Your Mother? He's just around the next bend.
I'll get him this time.
Shut up.
What's that? Well, I'll be hung.
Yeah, you would break your neck.
[lion roaring.]
Damn.
You know, I still don't believe it.
It worked, didn't it? I got the net off and they let you walk right between them.
Yeah, but to what? I don't wanna hear any more about it.
ETA in 3 minutes.
She's a chopper pilot? Yeah, for the Texas Highway Patrol, no less.
What's her name? (Buck) Sweet britches.
You get her, Buck.
Yeah, I will.
I will.
Come on.
What you afraid of? Well, if you're so anxious, why don't you come get her? Well, that's twice, sweet britches.
But you ain't gettin' no third time.
[men laughing.]
[Caitlin grunting.]
[helicopter whirring.]
Sheriff! Yeah? Give me chain guns, 1 and 2.
Chain guns, 1 and 2.
It's them.
It's the aliens.
They've come back for her.
Mornin', Sheriff.
Aliens.
I told you it was a chopper.
(Stringfellow) I'm gonna make this real easy, even for you.
You got 30 seconds to send out the girl.
Get her out, Bobby.
Yes, sir.
You can't let her go, Sheriff.
She can identify us.
I didn't say we were gonna let her go.
Let's get the guns.
I ain't gonna hurt you.
They were wrong doing what they did and I don't want no part of it.
Now, come on, out the back.
Hey, String, 2 people goin' out the back.
There she is.
I hope he's letting her go.
Sheriff! Oh, my God.
Let's get out of here.
Come on, Sheriff.
Don't make me do it.
Damn.
God in heaven.
Are you okay? (Caitlin) Yeah.
Stringfellow Hawke? She knows you? She's guessing.
Who's that? Well, whoever you are, thanks.
You're welcome.
Hey, wait a minute.
(Caitlin) Hey, you can't leave.
(Stringfellow) Why not? You just blew up the Pope County jail, the Sheriff and half the cowboys in town.
To save you.
Who said that? Ain't tellin'.
Well, whoever or whatever you are, a hearing's gonna be held and you've gotta answer some questions.
(Stringfellow) For what? 'Cause that's the law.
Well, see you around, kid.
Wait.
God in heaven! Stringfellow Hawke.
Shouldn't be too hard finding a man with a name like that.
(Dominic) She was kind of cute, huh, String? Cute? She's a kid.
Oh? I didn't know the Texas Highway Patrol let kids fly their choppers.
But you know what they say.
What? They always get their man.
That's the Canadian Mounties.
Same principle.
[singing.]
There's a yellow rose in Texas That I am going to see Nobody else could miss her Not half as much as me Oh, she cried so when I left her It like to make me cry And if I ever find her We nevermore will part
[growling.]
(narrator) Next, on Airwolf.
[gun firing.]
I wanna see that prisoner.
You go sticking your butt in where it's not wanted and it's gonna get kicked.
It was a UFO.
It was aliens, Sheriff.
Look, you've gotta help me.
I'm not bust'n anybody out of jail.
Come on, out the back.
[wind howling.]
[siren wailing.]
County 1, this is helo Papa 5 following from above.
Do you need assistance? County 1, this is helo Papa 5.
Do you read? Damn county mounty.
Doesn't even know when he needs assis County 1, break it off, break it off! There's a ravine ahead.
He'll never see it in time.
That's right.
County 1, I'll radio Desert City Memorial and tell 'em to expect a trauma case.
I can have him there in 15 minutes.
This is Sheriff Bogan.
I'll be returning this boy to county jail for medical attention.
I don't think you understand, Sheriff.
I can have him to the hospital before you can have him to the highway, over.
I understand.
I'm the Sheriff of Pope County and you're a flying meter maid.
Over.
Unless you want me to shoot this escaping prisoner, I'd back that Dustbuster off.
I mean it, meter maid.
[phone ringing.]
Would you get that? String.
Yeah? Would you get the phone, please? By the time I get there, it'll stop ringing.
Humor me.
[phone continues to ring.]
It'll probably stop ringing just about the time I get within 10 feet.
Okay, so you were right.
Well, now what are you doing? Well, it rang so long it must be important.
They'll probably call back, just in case they misdialed.
[phone ringing.]
Santini Air.
I have a collect call for a Stringfellow Hawke from a James Blake.
Will you accept the charges? Sure.
Go ahead, sir.
Jimmy, where the hell are you? Outside of Hondo, Texas.
Only I ain't Jimmy.
I'm sort of a pal.
(Stringfellow) Sort of? Yeah, well me and Jimmy were doing time together in the county jug.
[sighing.]
Well, what'd he do this time? He cut across some local ponderosa on his dirt bike.
They don't like that in Texas.
Well, where do I send the bail money? Oh heck, partner, he don't need no bail.
We busted out this morning.
Damn.
That place is a hellhole.
Sheriff's a mean dude.
Jimmy's running for Mexico on his bike and I caught myself a ride with a gorgeous blonde in a Mercedes.
[laughing.]
Oh man, it's a hitcher's dream come true.
Anyway, ole Jimmy, he told me to give you a call in case he couldn't.
You heard from him? No.
Guess there ain't no phone booths out in the desert? - Gotta go.
- Hey, wait a minute.
I ain't got it.
My ride's waiting.
Well, what jail did you bust out of? Pope County, Texas.
[whooping.]
Why do I get the feeling that that call was collect? 'Cause it was.
[exclaiming.]
You remember me telling you about Jimmy Blake? No.
Air Cav, he pulled me out of Indian territory when I went down one time.
He's in trouble in Texas.
What kind of trouble? Some sort of trespassing violation.
Oh? Problem is he busted out of jail.
Oh? Yeah, he's heading for Mexico and Wants you to pull him out of Indian territory.
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
Well, let me point out one thing to you, String.
You don't bust out of jail for trespassing, and Texas ain't Vietnam.
Maybe Jimmy just doesn't see it that way.
How are you gonna find a guy who's running for the border? Oh, no! Oh, no! I kind of liked it around here for the last 2 months.
Nobody in white suits bugging us.
Nobody in jets buzzing us.
Nobody shooting at us.
Nothing more exciting than just the usual, routine in-flight emergency.
I kind of like to fly helicopters the old-fashioned way like God intended.
You through? Yeah, I just had to get it off my chest.
Hey, you gotta admit one thing.
She sure gets your heart to pumping.
Huh? [sighs.]
Sure does.
Did you miss me, sweetheart? Dom, it's only a machine.
Hey, she's got feelings.
Ain't you, baby? [hydraulics hissing.]
Huh.
Temperature's dropping.
Just vented the hydraulics.
Sure, String.
Sure.
[door opening.]
[Dominic sighs.]
There you are.
[beeping.]
You ready? Ready.
3 months doesn't seem to have bothered her.
All systems are in the green.
Then what are we waiting for? Oh, I was hoping you'd say that.
[feline 1 growling.]
What was that one? Cheetah.
$10,000.
[feline 2 growling.]
Ocelot.
$15,000.
Sure would like to shoot me an ocelot.
Well, that's why I'm in the business, isn't it? [feline 3 growling.]
That there's old Sam.
First big cat I ever brought back from Africa.
He's been the boss man on this range for 10 years.
Anybody ever shoot him? Shot at him.
Some say they shot him good, too.
But nobody ever brought that old boy down, though.
How much? $50,000.
[exclaiming.]
Sure would be worth it.
Houston, I'd sell my soul for a good hunt.
[wolf howling.]
(Stringfellow) What have you got? Not much.
We're still 100 miles out.
According to the computer, the town has less than 200 people, only 4 major structures.
2 seem to be gas stations.
One's gotta be the county jail and the other's probably a bar.
It'll be just another West Texas cow town, if it wasn't for that fence.
Fence? (Dominic) Snap your electro-magnetic sensors on, will you? (Stringfellow) What is it? Electrified fence.
A big one.
5,000 volts.
It runs at least 50 miles in and out of that town.
Government installation? Not according to the chart.
What are we gonna do? Set me down outside of town.
I'll find out what I can about Jimmy's escape.
And what do I do? Twiddle my thumbs hiding out behind that big fence somewhere? So, what are you afraid of? It's just to keep people out.
Yeah? What if it's to keep something in? [lion growling.]
[people chattering.]
[country music playing.]
[door creaking open.]
Excuse me.
Now why would I want to do that, little lady? 'Cause if you don't, I'm gonna take you off at the knees.
Oh, you are, are you? (Bogan) Back off, Buck.
Sure thing, Sheriff.
Thank you.
I'm Deputy Caitlin O'Shaughnessy, Texas Highway Patrol, Aerial Division.
I'm the flying meter maid, as you put it.
May I sit down? No.
I was over to your lockup to see that prisoner you ran down today.
Your Deputy said I'd have to get your permission.
That's right.
Well, l would like to see him, please.
No.
That man was hurt.
Now, I don't give a damn what he did or was wanted for.
He needed immediate medical attention and he didn't get it because you buffaloed me out of doing my job.
You're not going to do it again, Sheriff.
I wanna see that prisoner.
Meter maid, you go sticking your butt in where it's not wanted and it's gonna get kicked.
No matter how cute it is.
Okay, Sheriff.
Looks like we'll do this the hard way.
[door slamming.]
Sheriff Bogan, you're a geek.
Okay, we'll see how cool you are when I come back with a court order from Judge Blackmore.
Yeah, try that when I'm on duty.
It's gonna cost you $200.
[horn honking.]
Hello? Hello? [horn blaring.]
You looking for me, sweet britches? I'm a Deputy with the Texas Highway Patrol.
Well, what are you gonna do, sweet britches? Write us up a parking ticket? Don't be stupid.
Now, we can forget about this right now.
But if you lay a hand on me Then what? This! [Caitlin grunting.]
That was the biggest mistake of your life.
Get her car, Billie.
Tie her down, boys.
No! [Caitlin screaming.]
Hold it.
(Stringfellow on loudspeaker) Let the girl go.
I said, let her go.
Let her go.
I'd call it a night, boys.
You gotta be kidding me, cowboy.
[men shouting.]
[laughing.]
(Billie) It was a UFO.
That's what it was, Sheriff.
A UFO.
It weren't no UFO.
It was a chopper.
You ever see a chopper big enough to blow over a pickup? It was aliens, Sheriff.
Damn it, Billie, it was a chopper.
Probably one of them secret military jobs out of Fort Hood.
What's the matter with your voice, Billie? [stuttering.]
She chopped me in the throat when I wasn't looking.
When he wasn't looking.
At least she didn't drop-kick me.
You boys wouldn't be trying to feed me a bucket of hogwash, would you, 'cause you rolled your pickup trying to run that meter maid down? [all chattering.]
[shushing.]
What's going on, boys? It's UFOs, Mr.
Houston.
With aliens in 'em.
It was a chopper.
What's wrong with your throat, Billie? Um Mr.
Houston, you think a chopper could knock over my pickup? J.
J.
, what you been giving these boys? Too much drinking money.
Sheriff, we're telling you the truth, and that's the gospel.
I am.
That's the gospel, Sheriff.
I know these boys don't have the brains of a dead armadillo between 'em, but something's got 'em spooked.
Whatever it is, I'll handle it.
You always have, haven't you, J.
J.
? You bet.
Got a hot one for you tomorrow.
Can't help you.
What about that hitchhiker and that biker? They busted out this morning.
Sorry to hear that, J.
J.
This boy was gonna pay us $100,000 for a special hunt.
He still may.
[people chattering.]
You got any ID, boy? Why? Did I do something? It got stolen with my car outside of El Paso.
How'd you get here? I hitched.
Got money? I got enough for this beer.
How about something to eat? No, thanks.
County's buying.
I'm no vagrant, Sheriff.
You are in Pope County, boy.
Does that mean I can't take my beer? Catch you with your boots on my desk again, Bobby, and your mama's gonna be wearing black.
Yes, sir.
Have a seat, boy.
Listen, Sheriff.
You don't have [groaning.]
Name? James Blake.
Hey, Sheriff, that's the same name as that biker.
You trying to be funny, boy? No, sir.
That's my name.
Why? Did somebody come through here using my ID? Yeah, a biker.
Still here? No, he escaped yesterday.
Took out of here on that big bike Bobby! You know what I think, boy? No, sir.
I think you're a smart mouth up to someth'n.
Sheriff, my car and my ID were stolen in El Paso.
Couple days ago.
I think you're lyin', boy.
[sighs.]
I'm gettin' too old for this.
Bake all day and freeze all night.
[scoffs.]
[grunts.]
What does String think I am anyway? A machine? [hydraulics hissing.]
Oh, sorry honey, no offense.
But you you were made for all that adventure in the sky.
Blasting all over the place.
[chuckles.]
Blowing over pickup trucks.
Yeah, that's all right for String and you, but when you get to be my age, you kind of like to know what's gonna happen in advance, you know? And not be surprised every time you turn around.
[growling.]
[helicopter whirring.]
Jumping jack rabbits.
Sheriff Bogan ain't gonna like that.
Sheriff Bogan ain't gonna like a lot of things.
I take it he isn't here? No.
Fine, you'll do.
These are 4 John Doe warrants for the arrest of those local yokels who tried to kidnap me last night.
- Huh? - "Huh?" Yeah, I know.
You don't know nothin' about it.
This is from Judge Blackmore in San Antone.
It orders you to produce that prisoner I saw Sheriff Bogan run to ground yesterday, out north of the African Hunt Club Ranch.
The biker? If that's what you call him.
Well, he got away.
You are trying my patience, Deputy.
I'm tellin' you he ain't here.
Not here, huh? That ain't the biker you're looking for.
That's James Blake.
That was the biker's name, too, but he stole this guy's ID in El Paso.
You're not him.
Are you looking for James Blake? If that's the biker I saw Sheriff Bogan run to ground yesterday, yes.
Sheriff said he got away.
I sure would like a word with you, Miss Deputy, Caitlin.
I'm Stringfellow Hawke.
You lied to the sheriff? Yeah.
I sure did.
I still need to talk with you.
I'm listening.
I'm getting Sheriff Bogan.
You do that, Deputy.
All right, Mr.
Hawke, what have you got to say? (Dominic) Nice kitty.
[growling.]
Why don't you go lay down in the shade somewhere? Gotta be hot out there in the sun.
It's hot out of the sun.
I can't run the air conditioner 'cause I'll run down the batteries.
And if I run down the batteries, I can't start the You don't care, do you? Of course you don't care.
Oh, sure.
Go on, go on.
Go ahead, lay down.
That's it, go on.
Take over.
Sure.
Call a few of your pals.
Throw a little [yelling.]
Look, you've gotta help me.
If Jimmy is alive, I may be his only chance.
How are you gonna find him? Well, I kind of think like him.
I'd probably start where you saw him last.
I'm gonna nail Sheriff Bogan's butt on a couple of counts, including the murder of your friend, if he did that.
But I'm not bust'n anybody out of jail.
You're her.
What? I You kind of look like a lady I met recently.
Listen, if you won't get me out, at least let me make a phone call to a friend who will.
What? Sheriff Bogan didn't let you make a phone call? Does it look like it? No.
You try anything, cowboy, I'm gonna make what he did to you look like love taps.
I know.
[roaring.]
Come on.
Get up and get out of here, will you? I don't wanna have to shoot you.
And take them with you.
[phone ringing.]
Well, it's about time.
Yeah, I got myself in a bit of a problem.
(Dominic) So did I.
I need you to get me out of the Pope County jail just as soon as you can take off.
Just as soon as I can get the camouflage net off.
Great.
There's only one thing.
I can't get the net off until the lions move.
Say again? You heard me, String.
I'm surrounded in here in this cockpit by a bunch of lions.
There must be at least 6 or 7 of 'em.
Lions? Is your friend hunting on the ranch? Yeah, sort of.
You know, anybody who hunts those beautiful cats ought to be hunted themselves.
Dom, Sheriff's here.
You'll have to bring your sweetheart if you want to get me now.
A prisoner is entitled to a free phone call, Sheriff.
One more word, meter maid, and you're dead.
Don't threaten me, Sheriff.
I won't have Caitlin.
Boy just saved your life for now.
Lock her up, Bobby.
Yes, sir.
But, Sheriff You lied to me, boy.
You killed Jimmy, didn't you? Deader than hell.
I suppose that means you're gonna kill me now.
Can't afford to kill you, boy.
I'm gonna take you hunting.
(Houston) He's got about 80,000 acres to hide in out there.
Of course, most of it's open desert.
Not much like Vietnam, huh? No, sir.
Sure wish I could have made that one.
Why didn't you? My Mother was an invalid and I had to take care of her.
Hey, I got something.
I wouldn't be holding down on J.
J.
when he pulls up here.
Raise your right hand, boy.
You swear to uphold the laws of Texas and Pope County? Yes, sir.
You're now an official Deputy.
I got a prisoner loose out.
You can lower your hand, boy.
I got an escaped prisoner out there.
Go get him.
Yes, sir.
How are we ever gonna find him? He'll run the arroyo to keep out of sight.
We'll cut his tracks in one of them.
After that, he's dead meat.
Yeah, dead meat.
Bingo.
She sure is feisty, Sheriff.
Been threatening to bring in everybody from the Governor to the National Guard.
Buck's at The Rack.
Tell him to bring the boys over.
They'll take the feistiness out of her.
Do you have to do that, Sheriff? If you got a good pack of hounds, Bobby, you gotta give them a little meat now and then.
Yes, sir.
Don't just sit there, man.
Take your shot.
Who taught you how to shoot? Your Mother? He's just around the next bend.
I'll get him this time.
Shut up.
What's that? Well, I'll be hung.
Yeah, you would break your neck.
[lion roaring.]
Damn.
You know, I still don't believe it.
It worked, didn't it? I got the net off and they let you walk right between them.
Yeah, but to what? I don't wanna hear any more about it.
ETA in 3 minutes.
She's a chopper pilot? Yeah, for the Texas Highway Patrol, no less.
What's her name? (Buck) Sweet britches.
You get her, Buck.
Yeah, I will.
I will.
Come on.
What you afraid of? Well, if you're so anxious, why don't you come get her? Well, that's twice, sweet britches.
But you ain't gettin' no third time.
[men laughing.]
[Caitlin grunting.]
[helicopter whirring.]
Sheriff! Yeah? Give me chain guns, 1 and 2.
Chain guns, 1 and 2.
It's them.
It's the aliens.
They've come back for her.
Mornin', Sheriff.
Aliens.
I told you it was a chopper.
(Stringfellow) I'm gonna make this real easy, even for you.
You got 30 seconds to send out the girl.
Get her out, Bobby.
Yes, sir.
You can't let her go, Sheriff.
She can identify us.
I didn't say we were gonna let her go.
Let's get the guns.
I ain't gonna hurt you.
They were wrong doing what they did and I don't want no part of it.
Now, come on, out the back.
Hey, String, 2 people goin' out the back.
There she is.
I hope he's letting her go.
Sheriff! Oh, my God.
Let's get out of here.
Come on, Sheriff.
Don't make me do it.
Damn.
God in heaven.
Are you okay? (Caitlin) Yeah.
Stringfellow Hawke? She knows you? She's guessing.
Who's that? Well, whoever you are, thanks.
You're welcome.
Hey, wait a minute.
(Caitlin) Hey, you can't leave.
(Stringfellow) Why not? You just blew up the Pope County jail, the Sheriff and half the cowboys in town.
To save you.
Who said that? Ain't tellin'.
Well, whoever or whatever you are, a hearing's gonna be held and you've gotta answer some questions.
(Stringfellow) For what? 'Cause that's the law.
Well, see you around, kid.
Wait.
God in heaven! Stringfellow Hawke.
Shouldn't be too hard finding a man with a name like that.
(Dominic) She was kind of cute, huh, String? Cute? She's a kid.
Oh? I didn't know the Texas Highway Patrol let kids fly their choppers.
But you know what they say.
What? They always get their man.
That's the Canadian Mounties.
Same principle.
[singing.]
There's a yellow rose in Texas That I am going to see Nobody else could miss her Not half as much as me Oh, she cried so when I left her It like to make me cry And if I ever find her We nevermore will part