Andi Mack (2017) s02e01 Episode Script

1 Last season on Andi Mack I was thinking whoa! Sorry, I haven't figured out the brakes yet.
- Both: Andi? - (giggles) Whoa.
- Bex? - Hey, Andiman! You guys, it's my sister! Celia: Andi never sees what's inside this box.
- It's just pictures.
- It's secrets.
Bex: Andi, I'm not your sister.
I'm your mother.
It's Jonah Beck.
Jonah: You like this.
I know you do.
I do.
I like you.
- Amber Alert.
- Jonah: This is Amber.
His girlfriend.
If I was him Oh, it would be so great if I was him.
Wanna stick around for practice? Sure, Jonah.
(whispers) Jonah Beck! - Cyrus? - Iris? Well the good news is we already have a mash-up name - Cirus with an "I.
" - You're so clever! Do I know you? - Buffy.
- Marty.
I'd rather you remembered my name.
- I don't.
- Marty? From the party? Okay, look, not everything has to be a competition.
I wanna race.
You literally have a one-track mind.
Cyrus: Okay, let's do this! - On your marks - One sec.
If we end this, what happens to this? I don't know.
Andi: Why is it so hard to stop liking someone? A Jonah-free lifestyle is way less complicated.
If she turns to look back at you, it means she likes you.
Not just as a friend.
Andi's manipulating you.
No, I think you are, Amber.
And I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore.
You're breaking up with me? This is my home and you're my mom.
You called me mom! Are you ever gonna tell me who my dad is? I'm just not sure how many more life-altering blows she can handle.
"Hi, I'm your mom," followed by, "Your dad doesn't even know you exist.
" He knows she exists.
- Who told him? - I did.
- (doorbell rings) - Bowie: Bex! Andi, this is your dad, Bowie.
Both: You met your dad? (Bowie grunting) I'm here because the universe sent me.
Something (imitates explosion) cosmic happened.
- What? - This.
That's Bex! Universe get out! - What does it mean? - I came back to find out.
Andi: You two clearly still love each other.
You're right.
I do love Bowie.
But we're not getting back together.
Why not? Bowie's not someone who puts down roots.
Bowie: A ring? Both: The Universe! Glow-in-the-dark duct tape.
We use this to spell out "Will you marry me" on the roof of Andishack, and when Bex looks out her bedroom window Which I'm standing under, playing the guitar - Ahhh! I'm loving this! - Me, too.
But you have to do it tonight.
As in right now? We're moving back to the apartment tomorrow.
CeCe and Pops are coming home.
I can't propose tonight.
Yes, you can.
You have the guitar, the duct tape, the ring What else do you need? Besides a shower? Real nice.
Sorry, but you smell like the grease-mobile.
- Mm-hm.
- (both laugh) What else do you have? Okay, so, remember how you said plants could talk? Yeah? We hide this in one of the ferns.
And when Bex is watering the plants, (distorted radio sound) "Will you marry me?" (laughing) It just needs some new batteries.
Maybe we should ask the universe for an idea.
Come on.
Universe! You got anything? (with small voice) Talking plant.
Did you hear that? Nice try.
Wha It wasn't me.
Okay.
It was the universe, you asked the universe.
(theme music playing) I'm standing on the edge And everything I know-oh-oh is blown away Life is upside down But anyway it goes I'll work it out Oh oh oh oh oh.
Here we go - One, two, three - I'm ready for tomorrow Tomorrow starts today There ain't a map to follow But I'm with you all the way I'm ready for tomorrow Tomorrow starts today There ain't a map to follow But I'm with you all the way All the way So, I thought we could have an airplane fly by and they'd spell out "Will you marry me", and then when she looks out of her window, Bowie's down there playing his song and there's candles, 'cause he loves candles.
But, he said he couldn't do it last night.
You can't blame him.
A proposal isn't something you rush.
They're my mom and dad.
And they thought they'd never see each other again, but now we're all together.
And I really want them to get married.
You'd be the maid of honor! I didn't even think of that! Oh, and Renaissance Boys could play at their wedding! I didn't think of that, either! Oh, and it'd be so beautiful if you did it at the Shadyside Park Greenhouse.
That's perfect! Bowie loves plants! I think we just witnessed the birth of an event planner.
Seriously, I want all of what you just said.
She's here.
You two, no fooling around.
Be on your best behavior.
Of course.
- Both: Ehhhhh! - (both laughing) Guys, uh I'd like you to meet my Iris.
- Hi.
- You can say girlfriend, silly.
I can say girlfriend, silly! Baby tater? Thanks.
You're in high school, right? Uh-huh.
We're in seventh grade.
You don't have to be nervous around us.
I'm nervous around everyone.
Except Cyrus.
(giggles) You seem so sweet.
I can't believe you're a friend of Amber's.
Amber's not that bad.
She's actually very insecure.
Why do people keep saying that? In what way is Amber insecure? She needs to have a boyfriend.
It's like she doesn't exist without one.
Well, lucky for her she has no trouble finding them.
She has trouble keeping them.
Jonah broke up with her yesterday.
They're probably back together by now.
They're not.
Remember that teddy bear Jonah won for her that day at the carnival? She stabbed him with her scissors and ripped out all his stuffing.
(quietly) Maybe Amber is insecure.
And demented.
(both laugh) Dinosaur Cyrus with an I is alive and well.
Maybe I can visit him sometime.
(giggles) Certainly.
He'd be delighted to see you.
What are you two crazy kids doing today? Now I've got dinosaurs on my brain.
Natural History Museum, what do you say? I'd say I'm T.
Rex-cited.
- Then let's Diplodocus rock this! - (Iris giggles) Diplodocus is a dinosaur.
We know.
Did you know? Of course not.
(both laughing) Well, everything seems to be here.
They cleaned up, that was nice.
I'm sure they forgot to bring in the mail, just Nope, here it is.
Well, would you look at that? They went shopping.
Huh.
I told you that we could trust them.
Someone has been handling my plants.
This is not my potting soil, Rebecca! Oh, hey.
It's the big Macks.
Hey I thought you left.
I did, but, um Where's my daughter? Right here.
Did you re-pot my plants? No.
I did.
You did? Ooh let's move out of her line of sight.
You can't use commercial fertilizer, Mrs.
M.
They're made of chemicals, you know? So I whipped up some compost! Look how happy they are! They love their new dirt! I think she's going down.
It's not over.
She'll get a second wind.
Also I moved around some of your plants.
Y Ohhh This little lady wasn't getting enough sunlight.
My African violet? Aw, she'll be fine.
Here, let me make you Oolong tea.
It's in the cupboard next to the fridge.
Hm.
They're making tea and talking plants? It's the most boring miracle I've ever seen.
(chuckles) That was so much fun.
Thank you for my stegosaurus.
Heh.
It's our thing.
We give each other dinosaurs.
I love that we have a mash-up name and a thing.
My favorite part of any museum is the gift shop.
They're so much better than zoo gift shops.
Ohh, the only thing worse than a zoo gift shop is a zoo cafeteria.
Uch, so gross.
You know who has the best gift shops, though? Both: Aquariums! (both laughing) This is crazy! It It's not like you're reading my mind, it's like you have my mind! Well, that's a compliment, because I think you're very smart.
If we're giving out compliments, I think you're very cute.
And sweet.
And cute, I already said cute.
Cyrus, shhh.
Okay.
What's happening? I should know.
But, I don't, and I could guess, and, if I had to guess Bye, Cyrus.
That was, what I was gonna Bye, Iris.
Wooo! - Come on, Cyrus! - Tell us already! What's your big news? I had my first kiss! - You did? - With Iris? What was it like? I can't remember.
It's all kind of a blur.
But the important thing is, it happened! Tell everyone! - Hey, guys! - Hey, Jonah! How was your weekend? Mine was spectacular! I kissed Iris! Oh! Cool! So listen, the Ultimate team's having its end-of-the-season pizza party tonight.
And I would love for you guys to come.
You have to be there.
You're the reason we won any of our games.
Oh, p'shh! I wouldn't miss it.
Just like I didn't miss any games! Oww! I'm not on the team.
That's okay.
You don't have to be on the team.
We can bring friends.
Then, yeah.
It sounds like fun.
It was really nice of you to invite me.
Because he didn't have to.
I don't know.
(whispering) Don't be an idiot! - Come on.
We have to go.
- Why? Because I said so! Pooh.
Don't say no, just think about it.
Show up if you want to.
Not because I want you to.
Okay.
I'll think about it.
Oh, and, I have something for you.
You do? It's yours.
I don't deserve it.
Oh you know what we forgot? The lamp you made out of my CDs! Ugh! Remind me next time! What you got there? You made this? It's the bracelet.
What bracelet? That I made for Jonah.
That he gave to Amber.
That he just gave back to me.
Why? He said he doesn't deserve it.
Uh-huh.
And did he have a look on his face like this? How did you know? Because he likes you! I don't know why you keep saying that, he never has.
Well, he's about to.
He just needs the right place and the right time.
There's a Space Otters team party tonight.
He asked me to come.
What are you wearing to the ball, Cinderella? Stop.
I haven't decided if I'm going.
Why wouldn't you go? Because when Jonah's in my head, he takes up a lot of space.
And I just got rid of him.
Or, I thought I did.
Do you want to go to this party? I don't know.
My brain feels like a seesaw.
Yes! No! Yes! No! Universe! Help me! You don't need the universe.
All you need is this.
It works, I promise you.
Ask the coin the question.
Should I go to the Frisbee team party tonight? Heads it's yes, tails it's no.
Ready? Tails.
There's your answer.
You're goin' to the party.
It came up tails.
You don't listen to the coin, dodo.
You listen to yourself.
You didn't get the answer you wanted.
Which means, you already had the answer.
What am I going to wear? I don't have all night.
Chop chop! Huh! (applause) (cheering) Hey! I'm glad you decided to come.
And wear that dress.
You look amazing! (laughs) Thanks, but nothing's going to happen.
He's still Jonah Beck.
True.
But you're Andi Mack.
Okay, everyone, okay.
Guys, shh.
Jonah's speaking.
In Ultimate, we don't like to call someone the best.
We don't keep statistics or rank our players.
Every one of us is a star.
But there is one person who truly stands out as the Space Otters' MVP! - It's you.
- Definitely you.
Cyrus Goodman! - (applause) - It's me? - Go! - Get up there! - (applause) - Cyrus! Cyrus! Cyrus! Cyrus! Cyrus! Cyrus! Cyrus! Cyrus, I hope you don't mind.
We didn't get you a trophy.
Oh.
I wasn't expecting one.
We got this instead! A Space Otters jersey? For me? Thank you, Jonah.
Thank you, Cyrus.
So where to now, Jonah Jonah Babona? Is there a Space Otters' party? Ayayay Actually, I was hoping I could talk to Andi.
Alone? - Yes.
Bye.
- Bye.
- Come on! - Mhmmm I broke up with Amber.
I figured when you gave me the bracelet.
Sorry I ever let her have it.
How did you get it back? - I cut off her arm.
- (laughs) She thought I broke up with her because of you.
It's crazy that she would ever be jealous of me.
I don't think it's crazy.
What? Andi, I like being around you more than anyone else.
- Oh.
- So I was wondering maybe you could think about being around me.
They remind me of that picture of the two elephants making a heart with their trunks.
She's giving him the bracelet! - She's giving him the bracelet! - My eardrums! My eardrums! This belongs to you.
I'm really happy to have this.
I'm really happy, too.
I wish I could text her and tell her what's going on with her right now, because she wouldn't even believe it! Aren't you so insanely happy for Andi? Yeah.
So insanely happy.
Bowie, you got a job? Actually, Celia got it for me.
Jaw, dropped.
- What? - At a nursery.
For plants, not kids.
Had to promise to get her the family discount.
- Bowie! - What? The woman who once hated you now adores you! You have a job, which clearly means you're sticking around and you have a ring.
Dude! What are you waiting for? I don't know.
I've got this knot in my stomach.
I don't know how she feels about me.
What if she says no? She's not gonna say no.
You just have to ask her.
Universe? What do you think? You don't need the universe.
I have something better.
Hey.
Are you okay? Did you already order the baby taters? I don't want any baby taters.
You're scaring me.
I'm scaring me, too.
What is it? Last night, when we were watching Andi and Jonah you asked me, am I happy for Andi.
Yeah? And I said, yes, I'm happy for Andi.
But I'm also not happy.
How come? Are you jealous? Cyrus do you like Andi? You like Jonah.
Buffy, I I feel weird.
Different.
Cyrus you've always been weird.
But you're no different.
I'm glad I told you.
Me, too.
But the thought of telling anyone else It'll be okay.
I promise.
This is really bad timing.
I just got a girlfriend.
So when are you gonna tell me what happened at the party? Hey! Who wants pizza? Ooh, was it that good? Gross, Mom! What, come on! I wanna be the kind of mother that you can tell everything to.
I think I may be the daughter that keeps stuff to herself.
At least tell me, were you glad you went? - Yeah.
- Why? What happened? I don't like being the person who doesn't know what happened.
- Tell me! - (both laughing) (doorbell ringing) Who's that? Who's there? Male voice: Pizza delivery.
Did we actually order pizza? Maybe we can do it telepathically! You have the wrong apartment! Male voice: No, I don't! Just, open the door! Obviously, you two are up to something.
The pizza was my idea! Can you be a little bit more chill? No! What's going on? What is this? Shh! Bex I've always believed that there's only one girl in this world for me.
You.
It's always been you.
Now it turns out there's two.
And they're both right here in this room.
I want us to be a family.
I want my best friend back.
I wanna marry you.
Maybe, say it in the form of a question.
And Will y I need a a napkin.
It's greasy.
Will you marry me? Mom! Say yes! Say something! Um Andi: Um? Buffy/Cyrus: Um? I know, right? What does that mean? Um.
- It means yes.
- It means no.
Or yes.
Um means different things to different people.
Depending on how passive aggressive your mom is.
You should have seen Bex.
She was shook, it was so cute, like Wait, so are they engaged? Basically, she just needs a minute to get her mind around it.
Andi, that's so exciting.
Oh, I'm so happy for you.
- Clap.
- That's not how I was raised.
I don't celebrate something before it's happened.
You know what they say, it's bad luck to sell the skin before you've got the bear.
Are we talking about your mother again? Yes! Sorry.
(sigh) It gets worse.
My stepmother is my therapist.
Cyrus Goodman, please report to a Woody Allen movie.
Hey look who it is.
You're nervous? Why? Things are different.
Are they? Yeah.
He likes me.
He always liked you.
Yeah, but now I know.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Are you okay? Huh.
Yeah, I'm very okay.
Good, that's good.
Do I not seem okay? You seem better than okay.
Well, are you okay? Whoa! Clearly, you two have a lot to talk about.
We'll leave you to it.
Later, taters.
- Taters later? - Sounds good.
See ya.
Ugh! That was excruciating.
"Okay?" "Okay.
" "Okay?" "Okay.
" Like, honestly? It was like, if pudding could talk.
It was adorable, and you know it.
You're just trying to make me feel better.
Is it working? Buffy, seeing Andi and Jonah together is not painful.
Is that what you're going to tell your stepmother? Okay, fine.
I wanna talk to Andi about what I'm feeling.
I want her to give me advice.
I want her to think it's kinda funny we both have a crush on the same guy.
Cyrus, you can have all those things.
You just have to tell her.
You're right.
You're exactly right.
You're not gonna tell her, are you? - Or course not.
- Well, then, what are you gonna do? You can't spend every day together and not tell her.
Well, I'm certainly gonna give it my best shot.
Cyrus Which I can't do, without you being patient and non-judgmental.
Look, I know these are not your strong suits, but please, just try.
If that's what you want.
It is.
- My only concern is - You call that trying? You didn't even make it two seconds.
(sighs) - Hey, hi! - Finally! You're late! Actually, I'm early.
We have a problem.
We do? Please! I need you to focus.
Wait Is there really a problem? Yes, Bex.
It's major.
Life threatening.
Well, what is it? What do you need me to do? My makeup.
(sighs) Right You were always good at that.
Scaring me.
Even when you were four.
Oh, come on.
I was just showing you I could hold my breath for a very long time.
I didn't think you were gonna call an ambulance.
Smock me.
Every year my sorority throws this epic party.
The Black and White Ball.
It's tonight, and I literally need to slay everyone.
Figuratively.
Literally, don't know what you're talking about.
So what are we doing here? Something simple, yet timeless.
Classic, that's never been done.
In other words, you want the impossible.
I just thought it'd be more fun, you know? (door chimes) So, I see him coming down the hall, and my brain just it's frozen like a block of ice.
So he asked me the simplest question, "What's your next class?" Which is English.
But guess what I said? Dimples.
You did not.
No, I was there, I heard it.
I said dimples.
(door chimes) It's Amber.
Whoa.
Did you see that? She can't even look at you.
You won.
This is your turf now.
I have turf? I have never had turf.
You have more than turf.
You're glowing with alpha self-confidence.
Let's not push it.
It's only day one and I'm already exhausted.
It feels like I have to be cute, and on all the time.
You don't.
Just be yourself.
You don't have to change anything.
(door chimes) Just stop looking at the door every time it chimes.
- Change that.
- I don't do that.
- (door chimes) - What's happening to me? Don't look now, but you may be turning into a girlfriend! Mwah-ahhh! No, seriously.
Seriously.
Am I? Is that a bad thing? I thought it's what you wanted.
It is! I just thought it'd be more fun, you know, like a breath mint commercial.
Switch seats with me.
Why are we doing this? I don't wanna keep watching the door.
And let's talk about something else.
You! What's going on with you? Nothing major.
Oh! They moved me up to level seven math, - which is pretty good - (door chimes) It's Jonah, he's here.
I see that.
Buffy, it's starting to happen, my brain is starting to freeze.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
What's goin' on? Dimples.
(no dialogue) - Yo, Jo! - Cy guy! Ahhh! You all remember Iris? Your girlfriend.
How could we forget? Hi! Nice to see you again.
Hey, what you doin' way over there? There, that's better.
Now what can I get you? What are you having? I'm having, uh, baby taters and a chocolate milk shake, or what's known around here as the Cyrus Special.
Iris: I'll have what you're having.
Yes! Yes.
We'll just have to start calling it the Ciris with an "I" Special.
(giggles) (quietly) Be still my lunch.
(quietly) They're such a cute couple.
Aren't they? Hey come here.
Where? Don't move.
If you open your eyes Take a look inside We're lit on the stage so beautiful (music slows down and stops) You had a piece of baby tater.
- (both laugh) - Right Thanks.
Where is our waitress? You know, the food is great, but the service is terrible.
Cyrus, I've been here before.
In fact, do you know who works here now? (quietly) Did we ever see her leave? Be all about it That's right, 'cause if feels good Be all about it Uh-huh, you know you should Be all about it All right, now don't hold back Be all about it 'bout it 'bout it 'bout it Just like that Do the things you know you like - It's your turn and now's the time - Hi.
I'm Amber, and I'll be your waitress.
Oh, oh, be all about it Oh, oh, be all about it - (scream) - Brittany? You okay? No! I am not okay! I'm magnificent! It does look really good.
Especially if you don't open your mouth.
Like you're out of a black and white movie.
When my sorority sisters see me, they are going to loathe me with a white hot resentment that will burn until their final breath.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are a genius.
You are the Stephen Hawking of pressed powder.
You should really consider doing this for a living.
I do.
Really? Where? Here.
Oh, no, I mean, in the real world.
This is the fringe.
People come here to buy fart machines and socks that smell like bacon.
(knocking on door) I don't want anyone to see me yet! (sighs) Except me.
Bex! Pizza? (scoff) I can't let pizza anywhere near this.
Well, don't worry, it's not for you.
Do you mind moving it somewhere I can't smell it? Who's Bowie? I like that name.
Andi's father.
Oh, so, your high school boyfriend.
Bex and Bowie.
So fun.
Are you guys back together? Um You're not.
That's good.
High school boyfriends don't keep well.
I didn't say that.
All I said was, "Um.
" That's all you needed to say.
Just listen to your "Um.
" You should know that by now.
Aren't you, like, 40? No! I'm not 40! Mm-hm.
You think I'm 40? Ugh We'll be having two of the Cyrus Special.
This is a specialty item and since you're new here I have to use the restroom.
Me too.
Ah the ladies.
They love to travel in pairs.
As I was saying - Can I talk to you? - Of course.
Outside? This is kind of a crazy crowd.
I really like that you're so uncomplicated.
Why here? Why does she have to work here at the Spoon? Or as I choose to call it now, the Knife.
- What do you wanna do? - I want to leave.
- Then let's leave.
- We can't leave! (sighs) I don't wanna look so insecure I can't even be around Amber.
Which you are not.
Buffy, what's happening to me? I'm all nervous and tongue-tied like I was the first time I ever talked to him.
I have a suggestion.
Fantastic, I'm glad someone does.
But, you're not going to like it.
Buffy, you know you can tell me anything.
Maybe, you're not ready for this kind of relationship with Jonah.
Why would you say that to me? Look, I think you two could be great friends.
And maybe for now, that's all you should be.
Why do you keep saying that? Jonah Beck likes me.
This is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I'm extremely happy.
Ketchup? Where we're going we don't need ketchup! Okay, so this is the DeLorean, and this is the flux capaci-tater.
Which is a play on flux capacitor.
As you get to know me, I'll have to spell out fewer and fewer of my jokes.
Hey, you guys got back just in time to see Marty McTater disappear at the high school dance.
Where's Jonah? Oh, no! I've gotta get my mom to kiss my dad! That's heavy! (knocking on window) Sorry.
It's been really hard.
I'm sure it has.
My dad really doesn't want anyone to know he lost his job.
He didn't even tell us for months.
He just kept pretending to go to work.
I promise I won't tell anyone.
It felt really good to talk about it.
I've been holding it in for months.
Thanks for listening.
Anytime.
Really? Nah I don't wanna be your sad friend.
I'd rather be your mean ex-girlfriend.
(laughs) He's got a girl and she's super good-lookin' Homecomin' queen with a painted smile Hey He treats her well Ohh! I'm starving! 'Cause Daddy doesn't know what he's got Well, I hope you enjoyed Doc Brown.
That looked like a pretty interesting conversation.
(sighs) Not really.
No? What about the hug? - Was that interesting? - Just leave it alone.
Fine.
I'll leave it alone.
But you need to understand.
We're not just friends.
We're like a really small gang.
And when she's sad let's just say you don't wanna see me when she's sad.
I'm sorry.
That was a really nice thing to say.
But why did you have to say it? - Hi.
- Hi.
Can I say something? Sure.
About Amber.
Okay.
I don't care what you guys talked about.
You don't? I really don't.
All that matters to me is what we talk about.
But, today we didn't talk about anything.
Yeah, we did.
Remind me.
We talked about your classes.
Oh 'Kay, thanks, I remember now.
Wait What was that class called? Don't say it! (laughs) Oh, right, dimples.
(laughs) You're not supposed to talk about that stuff.
But why? Come on, it's the best stuff.
It It is, to you.
Because you never say anything embarrassing.
I say embarrassing stuff all the time.
Like what? I'm not gonna tell you, it's too embarrassing.
Just one little sentence.
Hey.
- Who wants pizza? - Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh sorry.
I've already had my emotionally fraught pizza of the day.
Have we any other cheese products nearby? I believe we have cheese in the form of cream and string.
Was it that kinda day? It feels like I might be in for a long stretch of pizza.
You wanna talk about it? Tell me about your pizza first.
Hmmm it was from Bowie.
There was a rose taped to the top of the box.
Aw! It was very sweet.
Look, I know you said you needed more time, but how much more time do you need? None.
What? What? This is so exciting, I can't believe it! Andi, please, calm down.
How can I calm down? This is the best news ever.
You're getting married! Andi, I'm not.
Not, what? I'm not getting married to Bowie.
Andi: Next, on Andi Mack It's Chinese New Year.
Yeah.
What did I just do? Invited a boy you like into the belly of the beast.
You're wearing white, the color of death.
But please, come in.
Who is he again? I just assumed he was Andi's boyfriend.
Andi's not allowed to have a boyfriend.
He's Andi's father.
Andi's father? Bex and I might have some happy news to share soon.
I'll always love you, but that bond is Andi.
Are you okay? Of course I'm not okay.