Betty (2020) s02e01 Episode Script

1
KIRT: Yo, are you here
for the girl sesh?
-I guess.
-See, I told you. Word of mouth!
You know the new word of mouth
is the internet, right?
Yo, who is that?
-FAROUK:
You know Indigo, right?
-I'm about to.
I'm gonna push you.
I'm gonna let go now.
No! Oh, shit!
HONEYBEAR: I'm on this date
right now with this girl, Ash.
I'm trying not to screw it up.
You're not screwing it up.
-Hi, Camille!
-Hey, what's up.
Wow, look at you.
In the video already.
Cute girls get more views.
Don't you know that?
-JANAY: I need to talk to you.
-What, hold up.
Some girl wants to destroy me,
and she's just using
this Me Too shit
because she knows her work.
You need to watch your mouth.
Your boy needs to watch
his hands.
-Come on, what you doin'?!
-Where'd I leave my pens?
-Your weed pens?
FAROUK: My money's past due.
Give me what you have left,
and we're cool.
SPEAKER: What are you gonna do?
You stole a check from me.
Give me the keys.
-My keys?
-To the apartment.
JANAY: You lied to me.
You can't blame yourself
for this.
What's up, Kirt.
KIRT: I wanna stop fighting
the patriarchy
and just start helping
the matriarchy.
You should host another one
of those girl sessions.
KIRT: I tried that one time.
Nobody came.
CAMILLE:
You're really gonna let that
stop you from trying again?
Where are you at? You literally
planned this whole thing.
We did. Go skate.
- No, no, I talked to that guy.
It's a total bust.
- Are we able to just--
- No, we're running out of--
Hey.
Um
- I could get that together,
and we can move forward.
- No, we still need to find
a site for that development.
- I keep telling you
the old chocolate factory
in north Brooklyn is perfect.
It's been sitting there
for ten years.
- And I keep telling you that
that place is a piece of shit.
It's not worth it.
That place is gonna
sit there forever.
- Jeanne,
it's a chocolate factory.
Everyone loves a place
with a story.
- Thank you, Brian,
I really should buy
a $10 million building
because it has a story
that nobody cares about.
Listen, my kid is here.
I gotta jump.
Sorry, Indi.
- Hi.
- What's up?
- I wanted to give you this.
- What's this?
- It's my check.
I signed it over to you.
And I'm gonna keep giving you
money from all of my checks
until we're square.
- Really, sweetheart?
Key Food?
- Well, this is what I'm doing
now, so I don't really know--
- Okay, you're an essential
worker, and that's great.
But I did not pay
for Brearley
so that you can be putting
Snapples into fridges.
- Well, I don't care
if you cash it or not,
but I gotta go.
- You're better than this.
- What about this one?
- I'm not trying to fuck
a Smurf.
- Okay, then.
Someone's cranky.
- [exhales]
- Com Deus me deito,
com Deus me levanto ♪
Comigo eu calo,
comigo eu canto ♪
Eu bato um papo,
eu bato um ponto ♪
Eu tomo um drinque,
eu fico tonto ♪
Com Deus me deito,
com Deus me levanto ♪
- Indigo.
Dude.
We got off shift
five minutes ago.
Janay's here.
Let's go!
- Com Deus me deito,
com Deus me levanto ♪
Comigo eu calo,
comigo eu canto ♪
- Oh, God.
Fuck were you doing
in there anyway?
- Comigo eu calo,
comigo eu canto ♪
- Ooh, that's nice.
Hello, ma'am.
You call a plumber?
I'm trying to lay some pipe.
- Comigo eu canto ♪
Eu bato um papo,
eu bato um ponto ♪
Eu tomo um drinque,
eu fico tonto ♪
Com Deus me deito,
com Deus me levanto ♪
Comigo eu calo,
comigo eu canto ♪
- Now, let me know if you want
me to suggest any products.
I've literally used everything
in here.
In my body.
- Why are you so scared?
It's fine.
Come here.
Come here.
What about this one?
It's cute.
Ooh, there it goes.
Yeah, you could salsa with her.
[laughs]
Here, feel it, feel it.
- What is this place?
- It's a sex shop.
- That's legal?
- Yes, Camille,
and one day,
when you're ready,
I'll take you inside.
- How will I know
when I'm ready?
- Great choice.
I have one.
It's life-changing.
Enjoy.
- Thank you.
How'd they know we were here?
- I texted Janay.
- Come on, Tiger,
let's see it, baby.
Come on, Tiger.
Oh, no.
- Atta girl.
- Okay.
I feel you.
- I'm just saying,
let's get it.
Yeah, stay hydrated.
- Yeah.
- Tweedledum. Tweedledee.
- I'm a big deal,
Google me ♪
No time to chill,
Google me ♪
Everything real, Google me ♪
Google me, Google me,
Google me ♪
One, two, three,
I'm a big deal, Google me ♪
Keep it real,
I been true to me ♪
Been out in the fields,
this ain't new to me ♪
No, I'm new to you,
don't be confused ♪
I got accolades
and Google got proof ♪
I create the wave,
they do what I do ♪
Can't do it like me, though,
I'm the idol ♪
I got swagger, grace,
sauce with manners ♪
Let 'em hate,
the hate be standard ♪
I'll be great,
the wastes don't matter ♪
Google me babes,
see how my ting patterned ♪
I'm a big deal, Google me ♪
No time to chill,
Google me ♪
Everything real, Google me ♪
Google me, Google me,
Google me ♪
I'm a big deal, Google me ♪
- Okay.
You gotta redo it.
- What do you mean?
- I messed up the angle.
- Whoa.
- Google me, Google me,
Google me ♪
- Yo!
Did you not just see me there?
- Of course I saw you.
That's why I didn't hit you.
- Fucking dick.
- These men are, like,
rich rich.
Like, they just wanna
hear you talk to them
and, like, you know
- What's the most you ever got?
- One time I got a fat stack
for just listening to this guy
talk about a band called Rush.
- Wait.
So you got a whole stack just
for listening to a dude?
- Yeah.
- That's all you did?
No touching, nothing?
- You know, look cute,
little cocktail dress.
- But I'm not gonna give
no fucking stranger head.
- No, no, no, me neither.
I just finesse them
for their money, that's it.
- Think about how much money
you would get
if you actually
gave them head, though.
- You don't have to do
any of that.
You just have to do
shit like this.
- Shit, why don't you take me
out on a date?
Now you can film me.
- A'ight.
- So I'm gonna do, uh,
the same thing,
except regular, 'cause I can't
do switch.
I'm gonna do regular--I can't.
I'll do a regular heelflip.
- Oh, shit, I gotta go.
- Where?
- Somewhere.
- Where?
- NFD.
- Why you going there?
That place is so expensive,
right?
- I mean, they just started
hooking me up.
- What?
You ride for them now?
- No, it's just, like, flow.
Like, it's whatever.
- Flow means that you ri--
fuck you, let's go.
- Wait, wait, like,
I just got put on, though.
I don't know if you can come.
- Why not?
I just--I just wanna look
at the pants.
- A'ight, fine.
- Let me come, please.
- You can come.
- All right.
- But you gotta stay outside.
- I'll stay outside.
- Never give your real name.
Rule number one.
- Never?
- No.
You don't ever
go home with them,
you don't go
to their hotel room,
you don't go anywhere
that they tell you
that they wanna go alone.
We don't go anywhere alone
with them, you know?
You talk to them,
you listen to them,
they got money,
they're ready to throw it
at you, that's it.
It's that easy.
- So, uh, I'll be out here.
- Thank you.
- Good luck.
- I floated those pants
you showed me earlier.
- I bet, I got you.
- It's good.
- You know,
that video you posted
with that chick was
fucking hilarious, bro.
- Thank you.
- Who is that girl?
- Uh, she's just some girl
I know.
- Wait, is that her?
- Yeah.
That's Camille.
- Why didn't you bring her in?
- I mean, she's skating.
- Bro, go out there
and bring her in.
- Come on,
just do that shit already.
- Do it!
- No, you won't do it.
- What you waiting for?
- You're right, I won't.
You got it, though.
Yeah.
Okay.
- Go, go, go.
- Do it, do it, do it!
- Ai-yi-yi, yo.
- What the fuck?
You kidding me?
- Yo, you thought I was gonna
break my other leg?
- We're probably gonna do
a new girls line,
and maybe even a girls team.
So if you're interested,
I'll float you some gear
if you wanna rock it
in the next video you make.
- Really?
I--yeah, that sounds chill.
- You're hilarious.
- She's not hilarious.
- What are you talking about?
I'm funny as fuck.
- You're not funny, bro.
- But he just said I was funny.
- But he don't know you.
You're not funny.
- I'm stronger than him though.
- No, you're not
stronger than me.
- Yes, I am, I beat you
in a arm wrestle the other day.
We got it on video.
- That didn't count.
- We can do it right now.
Yeah, I am.
- I gotta see it.
Arm wrestle.
- All right.
- I wanna see it right now.
Come on.
- Yo!
Hey, yo!
Listen up.
Pick your fucking boards up.
- Who's this guy?
- What the fuck?
- All right.
So.
As some of you may have heard,
we lost our lease,
which means this is it.
Fuck it, you all know the rest.
- The fuck is that
supposed to mean?
- It means, baby genius,
that you and everybody else
has to bounce.
- No!
- Wait, what is going on?
- I don't know.
Bring it up with the new owner.
- Okay, where is he?
- He'll be here at some point
tomorrow morning.
You can bother him then.
- Oh, I'll be there.
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
- Oh, yeah, really?
You too?
- Yeah, we all going--
- Oh, yeah.
You're gonna make such
a big difference.
I really expect you to do
something--okay.
- Yo, turn the lights back on.
Yo, come on.
Trying to get a clip.
- No, you can skate
in the dark.
- I'm trying to get a clip, yo.
- You weren't skating
with the lights on anyway.
- Bro, we're not going
anywhere!
- I'm heading out with my boys.
- I'm not going anywhere.
- Come see me.
- Yo, don't do that, Philip,
don't--
we don't need to do that.
You don't need to do that,
Philip.
- I let you beat me
on purpose.
- No, you didn't.
Do it again.
- I let you beat me on purpose,
bro.
- And--go.
Now, see--
that's a tactic right now.
- Two, three, go.
- Bro, I know you--
- No, she's on the team.
She got you.
Well done.
[chuckles]
- I didn't know--
- Her dad is
a professional gymnast.
- No, he's not.
- You still beat him,
so we got you.
That's it.
You, I don't know.
- Y'all want this party
started right? ♪
Y'all want this party
started quickly, right? ♪
Set it off on the left,
y'all ♪
Set it off on the right,
y'all ♪
Set it off, set it off,
set it off ♪
- Damn, girl, you bringing
all that cake to the party,
ain't save me a slice?
- Ugh, no.
- Nah, for real, though,
where you guys going?
- Really?
- Take me with you?
- Which one of y'all wanna
give us your Instagrams?
- You're a thirsty-ass
little bitch.
- Yo, this--
- So feisty, miss!
- Yo, what the fuck was that?
- Yeah, I know, right?
These females are wack, yo.
- No, you are.
That was rude as fuck.
- Come on, Kirt,
you know how they are.
They roll by,
no one says anything,
it low-key hurts they heart.
- Oh.
- Exactly, yo.
We were just being friendly.
- Nobody wants to be
your friend, bro.
You know what
you two sound like?
Like a couple of dudes
who used to be hella ugly
and never learned
how to speak to women.
- I ain't never been ugly.
- You're buggin'.
- I've seen
your Throwback Thursdays.
I know I'm right.
I'ma start calling you
Ugly Charlie.
- Hoo!
- Oh!
- That was kinda harsh, Kirt,
just--
- So is street harassment!
I don't give a fuck
about your feelings!
Get the fuck out of my way!
- Ugly Charlie
got a ring to it, though.
- It does.
- Ugly Charlie.
- It's all good, man.
Your personality's great.
- Fuck you.
- Hello?
- Mm-hmm.
- Hello?
Yo!
- Hey.
- You're cooking in my kitchen
and in my bedroom?
- Well, hello to you too,
little cuz.
- What the hell is going on?
- Your pops didn't tell you?
Well, you know
the community center
that I cook in all the time?
They closed out of nowhere
on some COVID shit, right?
I spoke to your pops.
He said that I can cook here
while I'm figuring this out.
And he was supposed
to tell you.
- Okay, I'm sorry,
but why do you have to use
my bedroom?
- I have no choice.
If I don't get this done,
a whole lot of old folks
don't eat.
You know what else?
Girl, I known you
since you was baby.
I've known you your whole life.
I never thought that one day
I would see you sit here
with zero compassion for old
folks in the middle of COVID.
Asshole, okay?
Hey.
- How can I help you today?
- I've been waiting--
I've been on hold
for hour and a half.
Here--
- Sir, are you there?
- Hello, hello?
One second.
Hey, listen.
Spray this on there, yes.
Make--you're very useful.
Hello, hello?
- This is root beer.
Why is this--this is root beer.
- Hi, yes.
This is [indistinct].
- Hi, how may I
help you today?
- Community advantage loan?
- Loba from "Apex Legends."
- Is that another video game
character?
- Yeah, uh,
she's so thick, though.
- How about someone you met?
- I think Tessa Thompson
is pretty cute.
Up a little.
Down a little.
Down a little more.
Not that far.
- Oh, God, I'm sorry.
- That lady wasn't lying.
- Larry David.
- Really?
- Maybe.
- Who else?
- This bartender
from the wine bar.
- Wait, so, like, not a movie
star or video game character?
Like, someone you actually
talk to?
- I mean, I haven't actually
talked to her.
I just thought she was hot.
I'm--I'm sorry, that--
I--I don't know.
I thought you would like it.
- Let's go see her.
- What?
- Ma'am, uh, you need to wear
a mask to shop here.
- I have a medical condition.
- Um, I'd be happy to bring you
anything you need outside.
- I'm not covering my face
with a cloth.
- Ma'am, you need
to put on a mask,
or you need to leave.
- Okay, and you're telling me
to cover myself up,
and you can't even cover up
your belly?
You look like a prostitute.
- I don't breathe
out my bellybutton!
- Hey!
What are you doing?
- Hey!
Whoa, what's going on?
- You better fire this bitch,
she's throwing shit at me.
- Ma'am, if you're not gonna
wear a mask,
you have to leave,
or I can call the cops.
- You kidding me right now?
She's throwing--
- It's six feet!
- Get the fuck out of my way.
- Oh, real nice.
Real nice.
What the
hey!
You can't throw hot dog buns
at the customers.
- You know what?
I quit, I'm better
than this fucking job.
Take that shit.
Anyways.
- Hey, do you have one of those
ear screw things
that'll make me sleep, like,
four less hours a night?
- I've been trying to start
writing, like, a novel.
- You know, sometimes Reiki
can have a bigger impact
if our energy
is a little more quiet.
- Okay.
- Let's just take some deep
breaths together, all right?
- Mm-hmm.
Whoa.
- Whoa?
What you mean, whoa?
Dude, I got COVID, don't I?
I fucking ate this empanada
last week,
I couldn't even taste it.
- That's not it. Just stop.
Remain calm, okay?
I want you to putter your lips
just like this.
That's all, okay?
Gonna take a deep breath,
make some sound.
- Ugh!
Yo, stop.
You're aerosoling
like a motherfucker.
- I'm sorry for the spit.
- Control your droplets.
- This is a chakra opener,
and it's very important.
You have an overabundance
of energy in your root chakra.
And this is where you store
sexual energy.
- Oh, okay.
- But you gotta move
that energy up and out.
- So you mean
I gotta smash more?
- No, you need to align
your energy.
Don't look for answers.
You should be on the lookout
for questions.
- I'm on a quest?
- Yes, you might be, okay?
- I'm on a quest.
- I said "might," all right?
- I'm on a quest?
I'm on a quest.
I'm on a quest.
- It's insane in here.
- Yeah, I'm sorry, uh
- This is, like, an episode
of "Hoarders" or something.
Like, could you clean up
a little bit, you know?
- Okay, I'm sorry.
- You got mad shit.
- Just doing something.
I'll take care of it.
What's up?
- NFD just started
hooking me up with clothes.
- What?
- Yeah, NFD--
they--they--all they want me
to do is make videos for them.
- No way!
- And wear the clothes
and skate in the videos.
- Camille, that's so cool!
- I'm, like, sponsored by them,
I guess.
What's going on?
- I'm--I'm flow.
I'm on flow.
- What is that, your period?
- No, Dad, not my period.
It's--like, I just have--
they give me clothes
and stuff like that--yeah.
- Okay, free clothes.
- Yeah, free.
- I like that.
- Let's see them.
Try 'em on.
Dude.
You look like a thot.
- Shut up.
- Wait, is thot good?
- It's great.
- I think it might be, like,
a size too small, though.
- Hmm.
It's fine, it's fine.
- Don't tell her it's fine.
You gotta tell her
she looks good.
- It looks good.
You look great.
- That wasn't convincing.
- Thank you.
- Hey, why don't you thots
maybe clean up
this apartment, huh?
Be clean thots?
- You can see my underwear.
Look.
Is that supposed to be a thing?
Sorry.
- Clean thots.
- Okay.
- I feel like my belly button
is, like, a little too exposed.
Right?
- You got beef
with your belly button?
- Well, what if something
goes in it when I'm skating?
Like, I'm scared about that.
- It's not a hole.
It's a dip.
- So that's
your Tessa Thompson?
- I'm sorry.
I know you're supposed to pick
someone you couldn't
actually hook up with.
- Oh, so you think
you can get her now?
- That's not what I'm saying.
Come on.
- It's chill.
I get it.
She's hot.
She's no Loba, but
- She's cute.
Oh, shit.
Wait, I think
she's coming over here.
Hmm.
- Hey. I'm Victoria.
Would you like to try
some Skin Contact?
- Skin contact?
- Orange wine.
It's really good.
- Oh.
- Yo. Yo.
- Yo, yo.
- Yo.
- Yo, yo.
- Yo. Um
So I owe you an apology.
I came at you sideways.
But I'm on a quest now,
so can we talk?
- Sure.
- Go ahead.
- Listen.
You guys probably
weren't that ugly.
- What I meant to say was,
maybe there might've
been a time
where you were kind of humble
with women.
- Ah.
- I guess.
- And that's the thing.
We are women, not females.
Gotta stop talking crazy
and pay a little bit attention.
Okay, look.
- What's up?
- See that girl right there?
- Yeah?
- Just standing by herself.
She look
kind of pissed off, right?
- Uh-huh.
- That's because she wants
someone to dance with her.
- Should I go dance?
- Yeah.
Go dance with her.
- You got that.
- Yeah, you got this.
- All right, I'll go.
- Oh, my God!
- Philip got them moves.
- Yo.
- Yeah.
- See that girl
just looking at them?
- Sad girl over in the corner?
- Yeah, she looking at them
because she's lonely
and she's really sad
and she just wants to talk
to someone.
Seriously, go.
- Don't lead me astray here.
- No, just go.
- You got this.
- I got this.
- Dang, Kirt's, like,
a female whisperer.
- Holy shit.
- All right.
So what about her right there?
- Here, you gotta give her
one of these.
It's for period cramps.
She has cramps.
- She has cramps.
- All right.
I don't know how you know that,
but fuck it.
- Huh.
- It's a miracle.
- Kirt's the truth!
- What about me, Kirt?
I don't date girls.
- Oh, well, God bless,
because straight men
kinda suck ass.
- Never have I ever
Eaten pineapple by choice.
- Okay.
- Wait, what?
- Eaten pineapple.
- By choice?
- As opposed to being forced.
[laughing]
It's my turn?
I don't have anything. Okay.
Um, never have I ever
explicitly asked someone out.
- Wait, what?
- I've never asked someone out.
Like, actually been like,
"Hey, I like you.
Can I do something with you?"
You gotta drink to that.
I caught her--
I was literally skating across,
and I look over,
and this girl has a camera,
and I could tell--
like, you knew--
I knew it was zoomed in on me.
But then I saw her--
what was it--
like, the next day,
and I see her in the street,
and she runs the other way.
I mean, actually,
like, full-on the other way.
- That's so sweet.
- Yeah, it was sweet
until I was like,
"Did this girl
really just deny me?"
I just didn't know, but
And then we met at this party.
Likewho was there?
I forget.
But Camille, like, dragged me
to her.
- Mm-hmm.
- And, like, Charlie and his
friends were like,
"You should go over there"
- Oh, shit.
What's good?
- How are you the only one
who showed up?
Where are your boys?
- Where are your girls?
- Okay.
- Come on, we don't got time
for this.
- Gotta knock harder than that.
- Oh, yeah?
Show me then.
- Hello!
- Yo!
- Hello!
- Well, contrary
to popular belief,
we happen to be closed.
- You said we could talk
to the owner.
- Plot twist: he left
about an hour ago.
- Damn.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold up, hold up, hold up.
- What?
- What about the ramps?
- Everything's getting tossed
the next 48.
If you can manage to get 'em
out of here before then,
they're all yours.
- Yo, that dude is a asshole.
So what now?
What we gonna do?
- We?
[Dear Derrick's
"Do Yourself a Favor"]
- Yeah ♪
- Do yourself a favor ♪
- Girl got some problems, man.
- [laughs]
Do yourself a favor ♪
Hop up off my dick ♪
I mean,
that's just the best advice
I can give you, my nigga.
Do yourself a favor ♪
Hop up off my dick ♪
Yo, this wisdom right here,
nigga.
Do yourself a favor ♪
Hop up off-off my dick ♪
Once you understand this,
you can go anywhere.
Do yourself a favor ♪
Get off my dick ♪
Big cherry pie,
American dream ♪
A fiend for this thing
called rap ♪
The last track ♪
Last train to Paris,
love feels strange ♪
Rage on the page ♪
In the age of daydreaming,
nothing really happening ♪
Steady schemin',
in the hood, comfy ♪
Call me Raymour
and Flanigan ♪
Do yourself a favor ♪
Hop up off my dick ♪
All right, need me to do
one more of either?
Do yourself a favor ♪
Hop up off my dick ♪
- We'll double that?
- Yup.
- Okay.
Now lean forward, yeah,
arch your back.
Okay, now you look constipated.
-Why can't I do it?
-Y'all taking ho photos?
This is like public humiliation.
I like your lipstick, though.
-SPEAKER: What did you think?
-It was interesting.
SPEAKER: Would you want
to see her again?
-What is this?
-SPEAKER 2: We lost our lease.
SPEAKER 3: Where are we gonna
take these ramps?
-And where have you been?
-I've been trying
to help these boys grow
into men.
Just help women!
Listen to her.
You think anybody wants
a dick pic?
Actually, some people do.
No second dates,
no going alone.
This is not a joke.
MAN: I get the impression
that it's rare
to get a second date with you.
OFFICER: What the hell's
going on in there?