Big Nate (2022) s02e01 Episode Script

[dog barks]
[groaning]
[sighs]
Kids,
I have an announcement to make.
We're broke.
We need a miracle
to knock on that door
right now.
[knock on door]
[anticipatory music]
both: Marty!
Mom? Dad?
Hello, miracle!
[upbeat music]
Don't wanna go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
all: Hey!
Meet my grandparents,
Vern and Marge Wright.
Unpredictable meets
anything goes.
Whenever they come to visit,
awesome things happen!
Ow!
[whispers] Stop kicking.
Ugh! Quiet, Ellen!
Three grown-up tickets
for the grown-up movie, please,
for us three
[chuckles]
grown-ups.
[yelps]
- [bell rings]
- Here you go.
There you are.
- [whistling]
- [laughing]
- Stop! Stop!
- Go! Go!
Give me
the T-shirt cannon, Nate!
No doubt
I'm their grandson, huh?
- Nate!
- Gramps!
- Ellen, dear!
- Oof!
Hi, Gram.
Oh, boy, here we go again.
[chuckling]
Mom, Dad, this is unexpected.
Well, can't a father drop in
to see his favorite son
once in a while?
Ah, favorite son?
We all know Ted's
your favorite, Dad.
Oh, Marty, that's not true.
Oh, yeah.
He's your mother's favorite.
- [sighs]
- Vern!
Hey, Ellen! Look at me.
- Pull my finger.
- Okay, Gramps,
I think I'm a little old
for this.
Go on. Pull it.
[screams]
[laughs]
[gags]
[shivers]
- Um
- [chuckling]
What happened
to your finger, Gramps?
That, my boy,
is a gruesome, bloody story.
I was trapped on an ice floe
with a psychotic polar bear.
- Suddenly--
- [scoffs]
He had an accident
with an electric hedge trimmer.
Epic!
Enough small talk.
Why have you really come?
I--I know there's a reason.
There's always a reason.
Come on, Vern!
Tell them!
[laughing]
How would you all like
to be millionaires?
- Oh!
- Oh, yeah!
Legend has it that somewhere
off the coast of Maine,
buried on a secret island,
lies a treasure
known as
the Treasure of Eewcorpico.
[dolphin trills]
No one knows exactly
what's buried on there,
only that its contents
are worth a hefty fortune.
And look who managed
to get himself a treasure map.
Treasure hunt! Treasure hunt!
all: Smash it all
and we'll buy new stuff!
- [overlapping speech]
- Hmm.
I may be able to afford
a lock on my door!
Hold on, people.
Mom, Dad,
how do I know this isn't
just another one
of your infamous
get-rich-fast schemes?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Oh, yes, you do.
You remember the time
you invested
my paper route money
in a wax museum
in the middle of a desert?
Or when you shaved off
Ted and my hair
and sold it
to the highly illegal
human hair coat market?
Or the time you traded
our family heirlooms
to breed lorises--
that turned out to be rats!
Those lorises were cute.
They weren't lorises!
I'm telling you,
this time is different.
I'm giving you the chance
of a lifetime, boy.
Ugh, come on, Dad!
You never let me do
anything awesome!
You just said we were broke!
[dogs whimpering]
Okay, fine.
But how are we gonna get
to this so-called
treasure island?
[epic music]
You bought a boat?
Yep.
And look what we named her.
[harp flourish]
[whimpers]
I'm going to make you proud
this time, son.
Oh, Papa!
[chuckling]
Okay, there, there.
Not comfortable.
[boat horn blares]
Hey, Dee Dee, think fast!
[gasps]
Look at us, drama-free,
not following
any half-baked schemes
that could get us into way more
trouble than we bargained for.
Still, I can't believe Nate
would go on a treasure hunt
and not invite us!
Amy is away in the Hamptons
visiting her dad,
and I'm with you guys.
I for one could use a little
bit more drama in my life.
Whoa-hoh-hoh-hoh!
Whoo!
[loud crash]
Ow! Ay!
all: Uncle Pedro?
[inhales sharply, laughs]
One of my better landings!
I couldn't help
but overhear you say
your spiky-haired friend has
embarked on a treasure hunt.
Yeah, it's true, Uncle Pedro!
Nate went on a boat
with his grandparents
searching
for a treasure island!
Hm.
Did he happen to say
what the treasure was called?
- Eew
- Sorry.
I think it's me.
I haven't bathed
in well over 40 days.
I also think I'm in heat.
Uh, no, no, that's
the name of the treasure.
Eew--ah, something.
[gasps]
The Treasure of Eewcorpico!
Children, your friend, Nate,
is in great danger!
[all gasp]
[screams]
The Treasure of Eewcorpico
is cursed!
Legend has it that anyone
who seeks it will encounter
a series of perils.
First, a terrible storm.
[all screaming]
Then an enchanting
saltwater siren.
[shrieks]
Finally, all will be
swallowed by a great whale.
Had a friend who went out
looking for the treasure,
never seen again!
Or at least
he never called me back.
Curse or no curse,
this sounds like a journey
the Wright family
is ill-equipped to handle.
Francis is right!
Then we have
to go after them.
But where are we gonna
find a boat?
Ah.
I always carry a boat
on my person.
[classic rock playing]
How am I doing, Dad?
What are you doing
all that work for?
Why, it's called autopilot, Magellan.
[Australian accent]
Autopilot activated.
You see, Marty,
sea living is all about
letting technology
do the work for us.
[peaceful music]
- [both sigh]
- I love sea life.
[burps]
[chuckles] Nice.
Marty tells me you're
quite the student, Ellen.
Yeah, well, I have a 4.3 GPA.
Actually, I'm pretty
proud of that.
- I--
- Pfft, waste of time.
Everything worth knowing can
be found on the streets
with nothing more than a sly
grin and a roll of nickels.
I couldn't agree more, Gram!
But don't expect
Ellen to get it.
She's not like us.
She's a, uh--
how do I say this--
a "by the book" person.
Oof! See?
You know what?
It's getting chilly.
I'm gonna go get a jacket.
What the junk?
[all burping]
Oh! That's three generations
of burp right there.
[whispers] Nate.
- Nate.
- Whoa!
I think Gram and Gramps might
be hiding something from us.
Oh, come on,
that's ridiculous.
I mean, just because
Gram and Gramps love me
more than you doesn't
automatically mean
there's something
wrong with them.
[lightning crashes]
[dramatic music]
Uh, Dad?
It's just a bit
of lightning, Marty.
Not as if we're about to have
ourselves a full-on storm.
[thunder rumbles]
[all scream]
Look! The curse is
starting to take effect!
Okay, so what now?
No clue. I'm not a leader.
I observe. I contemplate.
Sometimes I dance.
[upbeat music]
[music stops]
How about you, kid?
Me? Oh, no.
[gags]
[retches]
Gross. Teddy?
Psh, nah, you know me.
I'm a "go with the flow"
kind of guy.
And I'm most definitely
a follower.
Okay, guys,
it's like you're begging me
to reprise my role
as Bonnie Boneregarde,
the Soggy Sovereign
of the Seven Seas!
Something tells me
you had this planned.
Look alive,
ye lily-livered cods!
Batten down the hatches
and set a course
for Nate Wright!
♪
[all screaming]
both: Dad!
I got you!
[both whimpering]
[strains]
[all grunt]
[chuckles]
What is a high seas adventure
without a little drama?
Everybody good?
No. We're not good.
We have to turn back!
Uh, Ellen
[laughs nervously]
The treasure.
Forget about
the treasure, Nate!
We could have died.
And Dad is totally losing it.
[whimpering]
Marty, it was very manly
and brave what you did,
saving your kids like that.
- Huh?
- I want you to have this hat.
You're the captain now.
Captain feeling
less insecure! ♪
And as the captain
of this boat,
the choice is yours, son.
No, Papa, we continue on.
How do you feel about your
precious Gram and Gramps now?
- Hmm?
- Well, I mean,
so--so you didn't get the right
family adventure gene
and you came out ugly.
You don't have to be
all sore about it.
Ugh!
Come with me.
Why would Gram and Gramps need
their tennis rackets?
Uh, spaghetti straining?
Or their piano?
Hey, what's a pleasure cruise
without a little music?
Or their collection
of his and hers
burlap underwear?
Oh, well, that's, uh--
yeah, okay, I got nothing.
Their whole lives are here!
Nate, I don't know, but I think
Gram and Gramps are living
on this boat!
[both gasp]
This family didn't
raise no narcs.
[chomping]
Step to,
you scurvy-ridden sea dogs,
or I'll be organizing
your reception with Davy Jones!
Is she always like this?
Mm, only every day.
Dee Dee,
would you cut it out?
I'm nauseous enough as it is.
[gags, retches]
Call me Bonnie!
I'm the most
bloodthirsty pirate
on the seven seas, me hearties!
But you're not a pirate,
and we're not your "hearties"!
We're a couple of kids
and a weird uncle!
Uh, no offense.
None taken, boy with a heart
of lost dreams.
How does he know?
How dare ye talk
to your captain this way!
Apologize or I'll be sending ye
on a one-way trip
to the briny deep!
[all gasp]
What? Too much?
No, sh--shark!
[all scream]
Do you mind?
I'm kind of in the middle
of a speech here!
[cheers and laughter]
[both chuckle nervously]
[whispers] I have
to tell Dad what we saw!
Well, you'll
never get past Gram.
[metal scraping]
[disembodied voice]
Martin ♪
- [snoring]
- Psst, Dad!
Did you hear that?
Hear what?
I think you've had
too many Bloaty Pops, son.
Martin ♪
[operatically] Martin ♪
[gasps] A fish woman!
She's beautiful!
Martin, Martin ♪
Oh, Martin!
Save me!
I've got to save her.
No, Marty!
You can't trust me sea women!
I'm coming,
goddess of the mermaid lagoon!
[exciting music]
[gasps]
♪
[grunts]
Yuck!
Uh, Dad?
This isn't a mermaid lagoon.
It's a chemical spill!
[creatures snarling]
[hard rock music]
♪
Holy mackerel!
The fish woman was bait!
Oh, we better get
out of here!
[strains]
Ah! We're stuck!
[straining]
Quick!
Arm yourselves!
[beeping]
I'm running out of buttons.
What are we gonna do?
I'm overriding the autopilot.
We've gotta get out of here!
♪
[tense music]
♪
[sighs]
Maybe now's a good time
to talk to Dad
about you-know-who.
Ah, cool your jets, Ellen.
I mean, let's say
Gram and Gramps are
living on this boat.
I mean, what's the big deal?
There's a lot more
to it than that.
And I'm going
to turn the screws
until I find out what.
- Dad?
- There, there, Marty.
Mama's here.
Thanks, Mom.
You know, I think I really had
a connection with that mermaid
before she turned
into hazardous waste.
[sobs]
[exciting music]
♪
That thar is the rock.
But where be the sirens?
Look at that!
[seagull screeches]
The EEW! Corporation is
responsible for this!
Oh, I love EEW!
They make Beardy O's!
Yeah!
And Beardy Yum Yums
and Beardy Pops,
and Beardy Bongo Blasts--
Arrr! But they're soulless
corporate scallywags!
Look what their greed has done
to the ocean!
A moment of silence, mateys,
for all the innocent creatures
of the briny deep.
Aw, what's wrong, Francis?
You look like the patch
of rough elbow skin
I rub in times of trouble.
I was just kind of hoping
to see a real siren.
[high-pitched] Oh-hoh!
I will be your siren, François!
[kissing noises]
- Come frolic with me
- Hey! Quit it!
- Under the waves.
- I said stop, Teddy!
Agh! Uh!
[laughter]
Shiver me timbers!
'Tis the mark of our best
bucko, Nate Wright!
The Wrights must have
already been here.
Then your friends are soon
to be swallowed by a whale.
Not on my watch!
Step to, lads!
Heave ho!
You know, Marty,
this isn't the first time
you've dated a toxic woman.
Don't start, Mom.
Like Darla, your imaginary
girlfriend from high school.
Darla was real, Mom.
And then there was Fabula.
She marries you, divorces you,
becomes a millionaire,
and doesn't give you
or the kids one lousy nickel.
Hey, Fabula might
have her flaws,
but she's still the mother
of my two wonderful children.
She's not a bad person.
She left you
for her yoga instructor.
Okay, she's sort of
a bad person.
I need to go lie down.
Wait! There's something
I need to tell you!
Mom! Dad!
Why is all your stuff
down here?
Care to explain?
Well, we had to get
the house fumigated.
Huge cockroaches.
Six feet long, Marty!
Basically alligators
with wings.
The man from animal control
said we had to vacate
for a few months--
eh, maybe a year--
eh, maybe forever!
So now we get to live
on this boat!
[growls]
So you sold the house
for a shoddy boat
and a bogus treasure map?
Bingo!
See? I told you he'd get it.
That house was supposed
to be my inheritance!
Have you told Ted about this?
Ah, couldn't reach him.
You know Ted,
always couch-surfing.
Why, he's got that
Wright family adventurer gene.
[chuckles] Love him.
I need some air.
Uh, we're still going
on a treasure hunt, right?
I should've known better
than to trust you guys.
You're always roping me
into your stupid schemes!
What's worse is now
you've roped
my kids into your mess too.
You should be
thanking us, Marty!
This treasure
is gonna be ten times
the inheritance
you would've had.
Yeah!
We just gotta find it.
[groans]
Hey!
Hey!
- Over here!
- Wait, is that--
Dee Dee?
Turn back!
Is she saying "lunch sack"?
Oh, let's hope so.
I'm famished.
[loud clang]
[all gasp]
[all scream]
[all screaming]
[screams]
[all coughing]
Are we--
[dramatic music]
both: We're trapped in a whale!
I'll never be able
to backpack around Europe
after high school, fall in love
with a handsome Spaniard
named Eduardo
whose family will
reject our love!
- [sobs]
- Oh, no, no!
I'll never get to prank
another teacher again
or--or express my love
to Jenny!
No. I can't accept that!
Nay! I won't accept that!
You lied to me! Oof.
Yes, Marty,
we know we lied
about the house.
No, the boat!
You didn't name it after me!
Sure, we did.
Look!
Ah, dag nabbit.
The salesman promised me
that paint was waterproof.
[groans]
[loud thud]
[all exclaim]
Huh?
Nate! You're alive!
Dee Dee!
You're dressed as a pirate.
Wow, you know what?
I actually find that
oddly comforting right now.
[laughing]
both: Mm.
all: Mm.
Hey! The gang's all here!
Hashtag stalker vibes.
Yeah, we couldn't let you get
destroyed by the curse, bro!
Yay!
Now we get to live out
the rest of our lives together
in this whale!
That is so great!
Well, at least
we won't starve.
Beardy Yum Yums
and Bloaty Pop?
This whale just keeps
gettin' better!
[chomping]
[belches]
Grandma Marge, Grandpa Vern,
I'm Francis,
Nate's oldest friend.
You're the boy
who barfed on that clown
at Nate's birthday party.
[laughing]
Yeah, yeah, that's him!
Hey!
Knock, knock,
loving the chitchat, really,
but maybe we should be trying
to think of ways to--
I don't know--
get out of this whale?
[chewing loudly]
- We could just wait--
- Oh!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, right, right.
Okay, um, we need to get him
to open his mouth.
Uh, well, like I was saying--
Uncle Pedro speaks whale.
Tuna, actually.
But the guttural squeaks
and trills are similar.
Eh, couldn't hurt to try.
[inhales deeply]
[imitating whale]
[all screaming]
Sorry. I'm a little rusty.
Anyone else got
any good ideas?
Well, if you would wait
just a second to listen to me!
[burps]
No time to wait!
[laughs] That's it!
We'll make the whale burp!
Okay, okay. Uh, let's see.
Grab all the Bloaty Pop
you can find
and pour it
into the whale's stomach!
[epic music]
♪
all: Whoa!
Aye! She's gonna blow!
[whale burps inwardly]
Uh, what is that smell?
Ah, it's the classic case
of a timid burper
swallowing a burp.
Been there, buddy!
Okay, well, that was a bust.
We're gonna be
stuck down here
in this giant fish forever!
[sobs]
[mystical music]
[gasps]
I see the light!
I'm going towards it!
That's the blowhole!
I've been trying
to tell you guys
that's our way out of here!
♪
All right, brainiac.
But how do we get
to the blowhole?
[chuckles] I have an idea.
I could lift you up ♪
[cricket chirrs]
I could show you
what you wanna see ♪
And take you
where you wanna be ♪
You could be my luck ♪
Even if the sky
is falling down ♪
I know that we'll
be safe and sound ♪
♪
[straining]
[suspenseful music]
Dad!
It's got my finger!
Save yourself, son.
What, the--the fake one?
Well, just take it off!
It's the only one I've got.
You got seven others!
We gotta go, Dad.
The whole family is waiting.
Just leave me!
Are you kidding me right now?
We don't have time for this!
I said unhand me!
Everyone,
pull my dad's finger!
[epic music]
No. Stop.
[all straining]
♪
[anticipatory music]
♪
[all gasp]
[all screaming]
Nate! Ellen!
Dad!