Bunk'd (2015) s02e01 Episode Script

1 (Chuckling) Hurry up! The limo is here to take you to summer camp.
And remember, don't call or write.
Come on, come on, come on.
I can't wait to see my friends at camp! I got presents for all of them! Oh, how thoughtful! All you kids have ever given me is an ulcer.
And I'm still waiting for a thank you card.
And for you to take my bag downstairs.
Consider it done.
(Thuds) (Clattering) Good thing I decided not to pack that puppy for Lou.
Come on, come on.
(Sighs) I'm really gonna miss you, Bertram.
Oh, I'm gonna miss you too.
Especially your stock tips.
So, are there any clothes in there, or is it all bribe money? I am not going to bribe anyone to do stuff for me anymore.
I've decided to be more independent.
Oh, great.
Well, you can start by taking your own bag downstairs.
Or I could do this.
Allow me, madam.
I know we are late, but Mrs.
Kipling cannot decide which chew toy to bring! Can't she just chew on the campers like last summer? No.
It turns out, parents tend to get peeved when their children come home with no thumbs.
I get peeved when you come home at all.
Okay, bye! So long! It won't be the same without you! (Chuckles) It'll be better.
(Music playing) We almost forgot Mrs.
Kip Really? That's just cold.
Here we go We're leaving the city behind right now Let's gather by the campfire light And sing this song All: Kikiwaka Hanging out with someone new Then falling out of a camp canoe What's that smell? It's on your shoe All: Kikiwaka Got a s'more in my hair Mosquitos in our underwear Shower's broke but we don't care All: Kikiwaka This is our home away from home away from home away from home But watch your back A bear just ate my phone All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Emma: It's so great to be back.
Emma! (GASPS) Lou! For two people happy to see each other, they're running really slow.
I missed you so much! I missed you more! The Woodchucks are back together again.
(All chittering) Nice hair, Zuri.
And good job remembering the Woodchuck salute.
Thanks.
You should see the salute I give cab drivers back in New York.
No! No, no, no.
Hey! (Screams) (Spray hissing) Ow, ow, ow! That burns! You're lucky she didn't bring her Taser.
Xander! I am so sorry! Never sneak up on a city gal, or a cow during matin' season.
They're jumpy.
I'm so happy to see you! You look great! Thanks, and you look blurry.
Time to unpack! Jorge, even Mrs.
Kipling has folded her clothes.
(Growling) Neat freak.
Hey, guys.
Oh, we're getting a new Grizzly.
His name is Griff, and the state has sent him here as part of their nature rehabilitation program.
Oh, so he is a juvenile park ranger? No, he's a juvenile delinquent.
What? Are you saying our new bunk mate is a miscreant? No! Maybe.
I don't know what that is.
You know, I did hard time once.
It was on this really uncomfy chair in the corner.
Longest five minutes of my life.
And I am not sure that I wish to bunk with a hardened criminal.
Ravi, relax! Griff is only 12 years old.
How tough can he be? What up, cell mates? I got this.
You missed this key when you frisked me, rookie.
There you go.
Oh, and, uh, here's your wallet! You've gotta retake that license picture.
Yikes! I'm guessing you're Griff.
Yup, and I'm ready for my pat down.
But watch it, I'm ticklish.
(Chuckles) We do not do pat downs at summer camp.
Well, Gladys did once.
Now the pizza guy won't deliver here anymore.
We had pizza in juvie.
And when it got stale, you could use it as a shiv! Way to see the glass half full.
(Chuckles nervously) (Whimpering) Tiffany? What happened? Duh! Nine months at home with her mom.
We should have hidden her in the forest like she asked! Oh, man, now I'm going to have to de-program her all over again.
(Whimpering) Tiffany, homework, bad.
Goofing off, good.
It's not my mom! It's worse! And it's in there! Oh, it's probably just a cute woodland critter.
I got this.
Hey, bunk mates! We're gonna need a bigger net.
And some silver bullets.
Hazel, what are you doing in our cabin? I thought they fumigated it.
It's my cabin now.
Since I'm head counselor, Gladys told me I could transfer myself to Woodchuck Cabin.
So Lou, you're now the counselor of Weasel Cabin.
What? No! Why? I will not leave my Chucklets! But, Hazel, you love Weasel Cabin! You've always been a Weasel! When you were born, the doctor said, "Congratulations, it's a Weasel!" Well, not anymore, because the new crop of Weasel campers are freaks! And that's coming from her! So they're your problem now, Lou.
See ya! And take your cluck-a-doodle-doo alarm clock with you.
(Cock crowing) (Laughing) Yes! Wow, Griff, another home-run! Kickball's a lot easier when your ankles aren't shackled.
All right! We finally have a decent athlete in Grizzly Cabin! I'm athletic.
You made me carry you here.
I was saving myself for the game! Boom! I just scored another run, and three new watches! Great job, Griff! When I said you could steal, I meant bases, not watches.
Dude, you've got to give them back.
But hurry up, because you're kicking for Jorge.
He's injured.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
Hey! Come back! Camp is fun! For once, I get to chase people! Xander, I have severe trepidations.
Ugh! Well, go to the infirmary.
I'll have Griff kick for you.
No, I mean I fear that Griff may not be the best addition to Grizzly Cabin.
(Sighs) Look, I know Griff's a little rough around the edges, but it's not his fault.
He's been in and out of foster homes, bounced around the system He's had a hard life.
Who hasn't? Are you forgetting about my traumatic time out experience? That chair was right next to the kitty litter! Time for bed, Up-Chucks! Sleep tight! (Kisses) It'll be hard not to.
Why does Hazel need so much room for her bed? Yeah, I always thought she slept in a coffin.
Hey, Emma, your toenail polish is chipped.
(Gasps) What? (Bangs) Ow! (Both laughing) I can't believe she's fallen for that, like, six times.
Tiffany, is that your mom? What? Ow! (Bangs) (Laughing) Hazel, can we please unstack our beds? No! Then I wouldn't have room to do my rhythmic gymnastics.
(Orchestral music playing) Ow! On the bright side, if she pokes my eye out, I won't have to watch this anymore.
Whoa! I feel sorry for that ribbon.
Lou: Weasels, please! This is not what I pictured when I agreed to play Hangman! Ready, aim Maim! (Laughs) She missed! And the flame went out! (Spraying) That's not gasoline, is it? Of course not! It's rabbit urine.
Coyotes love it.
Open the doors! (Door opens) (Coyote howling) We'll be at the friendship circle.
Try not to bleed on our stuff! (Whimpering) Lou? Are you okay? (WHISPERS) The horror.
The horror.
(All growling) OMG, they're eating the bones! At least this chicken is dead.
If I die, keep them away from the petting zoo! Lou, what is wrong with those girls? Everything.
And don't call me Lou.
It makes them mad.
What should we call you? They named me Reek.
All: Reek? Which I love! Help me! Ravi, what are you doing? I am taping down my possessions, so Griff cannot steal them.
I'm pretty sure your Illustrated Guide to Microscopes will be safe.
It is a first edition! And I cannot believe you are making us live with a light-fingered Louie! Ravi, relax.
You've got to give Griff a chance.
Yeah, he's not so bad.
Whoa, sick guitar, man.
Thanks.
I really love Gabby.
I cannot believe you named your guitar.
You named your calculator.
You leave Clara out of this! Man, my hair is dirty.
And oddly crunchy.
(Gasps) Is that my limited edition brushmaster 3000? Oh, man, I got an itch.
Oh! Popped that zit! It's a gusher.
(Shrieks) Everyone smile and say "Hey Zel!" (Camera clicks) This is going on the Camp Kikiwaka FacePage, and all over the web! I hope she's just talking about the web she spun in our bathroom.
I hope a bullet comes out of that camera.
Got it! I'm gonna go post it.
And remember, Up-Chucks, from now on, anyone seen out of this uniform gets a demerit.
Bye! (Grunting) (Gasping) What happened, Reek? I fell asleep for five minutes and those Weasel weirdos gave me a "makeover".
Okay, it's bad enough they shot arrows at you, and turned you into coyote bait, but when they humiliate you with poorly applied makeup, that's where I draw the line! Why are y'all dressed like Hazel? Because this is Hazel's idea of "fun".
Tomorrow, we're going to play something called "scorpion tag".
I'd cry for you, but I have no more tears.
Guys, we have to think of a way to save Reek, and get Hazel back to the Weasel Cabin.
Could you actually do that? Is there really hope? I said "hope", not "rope".
You shouldn't have tried to escape, Reek.
That was naughty.
(Screams) Xander, are you hiding from Hazel again? Nope, she keeps finding me.
I think she put a chip in my neck.
Have you guys seen my guitar? Someone took Gabby! Gee, I wonder who.
Maybe the guy who showed up in handcuffs.
Is my microscope book still here? Thank the gods! Look, I know you guys don't trust Griff, but there's no way he would steal my guitar.
Oh, really? Then why is your guitar pick on his bed? What? I can't believe Griff would steal Gabby.
He knows how much I love her.
He knew how much I loved my brush, and now his back pus is all over it! So I'm forced to use this cheap, disgusting one.
Wha That is mine.
Wait, where did it go? It's lost in my hair.
It's like a curly Bermuda Triangle up there.
Action figure.
Teeny-tiny car.
Toothbrush.
Hey, put that back in.
That's where I keep it.
Hey, guys.
Look what I made in arts and crafts! In juvie, we only got to make license plates.
Hey, Griff Why was my guitar pick on your bed? Oh Sorry, man.
I borrowed that after we went zip-lining, to get the bugs out of my teeth.
You know, the last time I saw my guitar, this pick was wedged between the strings.
A-ha! He did take the guitar! I say we strip search him! Dude, where exactly do you think I'm stashing it? I'm really disappointed in you, Griff.
I flipped a lot of burgers to buy Gabby.
And it took a long time, 'cause I kept flipped most of them on the floor.
Xander, I did not take the guitar! Look, I want to believe you, but in these situations, camp tradition dictates that we do a Trial by Fire.
You're going to burn me? No! We're just going to have a little trial by the camp fire.
You know, we really should change that name.
Ew, ew, ew! You're not even touching the rat! I know, but that cheese is not low fat.
Okay, Operation "Rat Under the Quilt To Get Rid of Hazel" is ready.
What's going on here? Hazel, there's a rat in our cabin! Yeah, it's the second most disgusting thing that's moved in this week.
It's in your bed! (Squeaks) (Hisses) (Squeaking) Problem solved! I can't believe she scared that rat.
I can't believe she ate that cheese! I can't believe everyone thinks I stole that guitar! Well Your resume does include How shall I put it Stealing.
So that automatically makes me a thief? Well Technically And legally Yes.
If I may ask, why did you start stealing things? (Sighs) I don't know.
When I was growing up, there wasn't always enough food, so I borrowed some from the grocery store.
Oh So, you were just trying to survive? Exactly.
But they put me in juvie after I borrowed a skateboard, a TV, a motorcycle You are really playing fast and loose with the word "borrow".
Hey, you don't get to judge me! You have no idea what I've been through, what it's like to have your parents abandon you.
Actually, I lived in an orphanage in India until I was 10.
So I do know what it is like to be poor, and feel unwanted.
So you weren't always rich? No.
But, unlike you, I never resorted to stealing.
Okay, I know I haven't made the best choices in the past, but I was really hoping to put that all behind me.
I understand.
I have made mistakes in my past I wish I could take back.
Really? You've been arrested? No, but I was once penalized with quite a hefty library fine.
You're pretty hardcore, Rav.
That is also what the librarian said.
Huh.
Who would have thought you and I would have so much in common? I know.
It's too bad they're gonna kick me out, because I was really starting to like it here, even you and your dumb face.
Sorry, still working on my people skills.
Reek, heel! Sit! You can do your stupid judge thing, but you better be back in half an hour.
The hole will be dug by then.
What's the hole for? For me And the snakes.
Are you aware there's a rat on your shoulder? Yep.
At first he was scared of me, but now we're besties.
I finally found someone who gets me.
So, judges, let's get this started.
Hear me, hear me! Let the trial begin! Griff, you stand accused of stealing Gabby the guitar, which you obviously did.
Do you have anything to say in your defense? What's the point? You all think I'm guilty anyway.
Griff, if you won't defend yourself, then we have no choice Wait! Distinguished judges, counselors, Hazel's rat I know Griff has a checkered past.
In fact, he has a long history of theft, including watches, a skateboard, a motorcycle, which he clearly was not licensed to operate Dude, what are you doing? I'm defending you.
Not very well! You're worse than my last public defender.
And I found him on a bus bench.
Oh, he was advertising on a bus bench? No, he was sleeping on it.
Anyhoo What is a criminal? The word is derived from the Latin word, criminalis, which means Can we kick Ravi out of camp, too? If he doesn't get to the point quick, yes.
My point is, Griff came to Camp Kikiwaka hoping for a fresh start.
More than anything, he just wanted to be part of a family.
And he was starting to find that here, with us.
I do not believe he would do anything to jeopardize that.
Ergo, he did not steal Xander's guitar.
Thanks, Ravi.
Nobody's ever stuck up for me like that before.
Or used the word "ergo".
Who cares? He's guilty! Throw him in the hole with Lou and the snakes! Hold on.
If Griff didn't take my guitar, then who did? (Door slams) Wait, don't cook that camper! We're not! It's just a barbecue for afterwards! I told the girls about Xander's missing guitar, and they found it! It was under Hazel's bed! (Gasps) Yeah, we found it when we were planting explos I mean, cleaning up.
Hazel! You took Xander's guitar? She looks guiltier than I did when I finally returned that library book! Okay, okay, I took Xander's stupid guitar.
How dare you love Gabby more than you love me! I don't love you at all! Body-pillow Xander does! And he doesn't mind when I drool on him! All: Ew! Look, Griff, I am really sorry I didn't believe you.
You're a good kid, and if you still want to stay at camp, I'd be proud to have you as a Grizzly.
That'd be cool, man.
I'm really glad you're staying, dude But if you touch my hair curlers, it's go time.
I'll try to restrain myself.
Okay, guys, let us celebrate by giving Griff a big Grizzly Cabin bear hug! Hazel! How does she do that? Release! Never! Emma, go get your pepper spray.
Oh! It's so great to have everything back to normal.
Welcome home, Woody! (In deep voice) Thanks, Lou.
Well, as normal as it gets around here.
We're glad you're back, Lou.
Yup, right where I belong.
Up to my cheeks in Chucks! Hey, whose ribbon is that? Don't touch that! Hey! Where's all my stuff? Sorry, Hazel, but you're back in Weasel Cabin.
Effective immediately.
What? You can't make me move! Sure we can.
Unless you want us to tell Gladys you stole another counselor's property And framed an innocent camper.
Okay, you can make me.
But this isn't over.
You haven't seen the last of Hazel Swearengen! Uh-oh.
(Screams) Those Weasels are freaks, but their timing is impeccable.
Woodchuck salute? (All chittering) Hey, Tiffany, show them the cab driver salute I taught you.
Okay! No, no, no, no.