Chad (2021) s02e01 Episode Script

1
♪
Chad, you alright, man?
You've been up there for a while.
Are you kidding me?
I freaking love it up here.
I've been shredding
the gnar my whole life.
Think that's a snowboarding thing.
Okay, here we go.
[SIGHS]
Oh, real quick,
does anyone have any extra wrist pads?
You took all the wrist pads, Chad.
Oh, yeah.
That's such a good
point, Joey. Thanks, man.
I love you for bringing the truth!
Cool if I drop in?
Uh, I-I was gonna go,
but yeah, for sure,
go ahead and take it away.
I'm just gonna let this
little girl go first!
♪
What the
Dude, if it's too
high, you can just bail.
It's totally cool.
Yeah, right, Caleb.
Can you imagine, after
talking about it all summer
and the entire car ride over here,
I just fully bail on skating?
[LAUGHS]
Alright, here I go.
New boy in the neighborhood ♪
Lives downstairs,
and it's understood ♪
He's there just to
take good care of me ♪
Like he's one of the family ♪
♪
Charles in charge ♪
Dude, go!
Whoa, whoa!
Uh! Oh!
Oh!
Holy shit, Chad, are you alright?
I think he's alive.
Did I shred?
♪
WOMAN: At the tone,
please record your message.
Heeey, Peter!
It's your best friend, Chad.
Um, not sure if you got
any of my earlier messages.
I left exactly 11.
Um, yeah.
Hope you had a fantastic
trip to Italy this summer.
I just picture you being
balls-deep in pasta.
[ITALIAN ACCENT] I can't-a believe-a
I was not-a-a there with you.
[NORMAL VOICE] That was me
doing my Italian accent for ya.
Uh, feel free to show
that to your parents.
What else? What else?
Um, oh, I did Meals on Wheels with Joey.
- Mm, it was whatever.
- [BEEP]
If you are satisfied with
your message, press 1.
To listen to your message, press 2.
To erase and re-record, press 3.
Message erased.
Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater!
♪
Ah, there he is, Mr. Class President.
Thanks, Hamid. I-I am so sorry.
I definitely do not have time
for in-person breakfast this year.
I thought you were gonna
talk to him about that.
Do you mind throwing these
eggs in a zippy for me?
No problem. Chad, at least use a fork.
Mmm! I love a loose egg.
- So
- Mmm-mmm-mmm, mmm!
I love eggs.
First day as a sophomore,
how does it feel?
Mm, exhilarating.
Happiest I've ever been.
I have an entire student
body waiting on my arrival.
Niki, have you heard I'm
class president this year?
Yeah. Everyone just feels bad for you
because you were the
victim of a hate crime.
Well, guess what, Niki. I'm killing it,
so I no longer feel the
need to tear you down.
Have a blessed day, little sister.
[HORN HONKING]
Oh, that's the sound of
my boys picking me up.
Got to run. Liam's Ford
Flex waits for no one.
Wait, you're not walking
to the bus stop with Peter?
Nope, I just talked about Liam.
[BIRDY NAM NAM'S "HAMMERHEAD" PLAYS]
Blood starts boiling,
there's nothing I can see ♪
Time is up, doors are
shut, swallowed all the keys ♪
So I'm kicking balls
and I'm watching 'em fall ♪
Till I'm sucked up in the hole ♪
Scratching hands and feet ♪
Shocked, shocked, knocked, knocked ♪
Like a hammerhead ♪
Losing my temper's
a danger to myself ♪
I'm a wreaking ball
and the breaking wall ♪
Gotta find needles ♪
Need stitches to
be fixed because I'm ♪
Broken, hit, hit by a hammerhead ♪
All you can do if
you really wanna help ♪
Is stitch me kindly,
stitch me kindly ♪
I'm a Frankenstein
and I'm going to hell ♪
WOMAN: Stitch!
Stitch!
♪
Stitch!
♪
Stitch!
[MUSIC DISTORTS, STOPS]
Oh, crap. Is that my best friend Peter
or a damn Italian movie star?
Okay, someone had a growth spurt.
Hello, Chad.
So, Italy. Tell me all about it.
I'm loving this tan on you.
- Oh, it was great.
- It was great?
Okay, so tell me more.
Did you go on a boat?
I went on three boats.
I-I got to head to class, actually.
It was nice speaking with you.
But
My turn.
I'm not doing piggyback right now.
Geez.
- So, Arthur, you can take care of that.
- ARTHUR: Alright, yeah.
[TO THE TUNE OF WAGNER'S "BRIDAL
CHORUS"] Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba! ♪
Hail to the Chief!
Uh, that was the wedding march,
and you're 15 minutes late.
Uh, actually, I'm class president,
so I think you were 15 minutes early.
Student Council!
What's up, everyone?
I'm so excited to learn
all of your guys' names.
What's up? That's a beautiful cardigan.
Oh, my God, look at this guy.
He's like, "Uh-oh, the boss is here."
Howdy, sunshine.
Alright. First things first,
I'm gonna say what
everyone's thinking
This meeting could've been an e-mail.
Right, guys?
Are you guys all familiar with
that famous Internet phrase
"this meeting could've been an e-mail"?
Yeah, that meme's a few years old.
Exactly.
That's And that's why it's timeless.
Chad, we were in the
middle of discussing
the first school assembly.
We're not announcing
the "Tolerance Grant"
that we've received in
response to the hate crime.
Ooh, the hate crime
committed against moi?
- Yeah.
- Damn.
Then I guess we have to go balls out.
Use every connection we have.
Book some celebrity guests.
I'll DM the cast of "Euphoria."
Kyle, your dad was in a
colon cancer commercial.
There's got to be something there.
- Actually, Chad
- Call your dad, Kyle.
this isn't helpful at all.
Kyle, call your dad.
So why don't you just let
the big kids handle this
and you can go back to
doing whatever it is you do?
Guys, can I have the room, please?
The room, please!
♪
Please tell me, why
must you be this way?
I know you did something shady
to become class president.
And I'm gonna figure it out.
Well, why don't I save
you the trouble, Denise?
I did it.
- I did the whole thing.
- What?
I vandalized my own locker
to make it look like a girl
had a horny crush on me.
And people accidentally
mistook that for a hate crime
and thus elected me president.
You don't think I'm gonna go to
the administration about this?
Who are you gonna go to? Charles?
The guy who goes to Harry Potter World
on his birthday with his mom?
The guy who wears cargo shorts
with the freaking pockets
in the front of the shorts?
Go talk to him.
I dare you.
[GASPS]
- Witch.
- Chad, you know I can stand.
I have chronic fatigue syndrome.
Okay, it's just so jarring.
But what you apparently didn't know
is that we record all
student council meetings.
You might've heard that if
you weren't 15 minutes late.
How dare you?
CHAD: Charles? The guy who
goes to Harry Potter World
on his birthday with his mom?
The guy who wears cargo shorts
with the freaking pockets
in the front of the shorts?
Go talk to him.
I dare you.
Okay. First of all,
some crazy hurtful
stuff on that recording.
Shake that off.
Second of all, how many
student council members
were witness to this little outburst?
Just us.
Okay, so, Chad, what do you
have to say for yourself?
Mmmm, that I'm really sorry
and I learned my lesson
and I'll be a good boy now.
And also sorry about the
Harry Potter World comments.
Great. I think we're done here.
- Bloop!
- What the hell?!
Why did you delete it?
- Oh, my God.
- He said he's sorry.
Come on, Denise!
You really think the school board
is gonna let us keep this
money if they find out
- Chad fudged the whole thing?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Plus, I'd have to fill
out tons of paperwork.
It's, like, honestly probably
double-digit numbers of forms.
This is insane.
He lied to win the election!
Is that what happened, Chad?
I didn't totally lie so much
as I went along with the lie.
See? There you go.
He went along with the lie.
It's barely anything.
So he's just gonna get
away with this scot-free?
It sounds like it, yeah.
Another way to look at this, Denise,
is the school has been gifted $10,000,
and no one got hurt.
I did!
I'm supposed to be president.
He doesn't even care
about the school. I do!
Ohh, my God, if you care
about the school so much,
then why don't you let us
keep the money for the school?
Damn, son.
- Checkmate.
- Okay, can you help me out here now?
Is the problem that I
went to Harry Potter World
or that I went with my mom?
I would say it's the
combination of the two.
♪
[DOOR CLOSES]
Thank you, Arthur. You're released.
And who do I talk to
about the school credit
you promised me for doing this?
Just, that w That part
will be later, Arthur.
Okay.
Exit the roof, Arthur.
Yes.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
Hello, sweet boy.
Hello, Chad.
You want to take a wild guess
where we are right now, Peter?
It's very clear we're on
the roof of the school.
You're goddamn right we're
on the roof of the school.
But do you know why I
summoned you up here?
No, Chad.
Because together, we're on top.
Not just me. We.
It's symbolism, Peter.
You looooove your symbolism.
I should really get back to class.
Don't trot off before you try these.
♪
Pizza bagels?
That's right, man.
- Pizza bagels, your absolute favorite.
- How?
I told the lunch ladies these
were for student council.
And they believed me.
That's the kind of access
you can start getting used to, my man.
Dig in.
Mmm.
Room temp.
Just the way we like it.
I'm not supposed to eat any nightshades
because of my juvenile arthritis.
Peter, you're killing
the vibe of the moment.
Eat the bagels.
No, what am I doing? I can't have these.
Peter, we're on the roof!
Eat a bagel!
I shouldn't.
These are blood bagels.
What are you doing, Peter?
What are you doing?!
This is all for us!
Look around you, Peter!
We're on the goddamn
roof, for God's sake!
Just tell me what you want!
Anything! I'll get it for us!
I want you to stop
acting like a jerk, okay?
I think all of this power
has gone to your head.
I don't even know if
you're a good guy anymore.
What do you want, man?
Just tell me. I-I'll do anything.
I-I don't know, Chad.
This doesn't feel right.
I don't think we should
be friends anymore.
Why would you say such a thing?
Peter.
Peter!
[SIGHS]
Aaah!
[CRASH]
Shit.
Hey, Chad, you alright back there?
Uh, yep, yep, I'm all set.
Cozy and tight.
My sister doesn't really ride in here.
It's, like, not a big deal to
toss the car seat in the back.
Liam, thank you for being so
concerned about my well-being.
I said I'm all set-tuh.
♪
Oh, Chad?
Chad?
- Hello?
- Hmm?
Hey, you strapped in
too tight or something?
Mnh-mnh, everything's fine.
♪
Jolted me.
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
We shall overcome ♪
God, what the hell is this, you guys?
I literally spelled out "hire Migos."
I requested at least one Migo.
A-A-And you brought a
a choir that looks like
they exclusively do children's funerals.
It's the school choir.
Well, they're bad, Denise.
This assembly has to go perfectly.
We need to show people we're
really making a difference.
Yeah, you're really
making a difference, Chad.
Denise, I have been real cool,
but I am reaching a
breaking point, my dear.
H-Have we heard back
from any famous people?
Has anyone heard back
from Anne Hathaway's camp?
We were able to get
a cameo from the lady
who plays Phyllis on "The Office."
Phyllis on "The Office"?
Do you need more time? Are you good?
I can probably beatbox
for another 10, 15.
Oh, my God, you've been beatboxing?
- And doing impressions.
- Please don't do that.
I have been doing a mix of things.
You cannot go rogue.
We talked about this.
- Okay, you ready to go?
- I am.
Let's do it!
I just want to take this
moment to thank the choir
for their lovely rendition
of "We Shall Overcome."
Please, if you guys can just be helpful
and say a little prayer for me in all
in all your different little religions.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am so excited to introduce the man
who got us our tolerance
grant and your class president,
Chad Amani!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE, RAP MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
[LAUGHING] Stop.
You guys.
Knock it off!
[CHANTING] Chad, Chad, Chad, Chad, Chad!
[CROWD CHANTING "CHAD"]
Yes!
Oh, my God, that's so embarrassing.
But I did love it.
Thank you.
This is a monumental day
in our school's history.
We have been given a grant of tolerance
for our school's
tolerance because of me.
Applause break.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
We have been through some
tough times this year,
but I think we can all agree
that the ends justify the means.
But don't take my word for it.
I want to play you a message
from a big-ass Hollywood star
who is here to thank you all
for your tireless efforts.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the star of "The Office,"
that lady named Phyllis!
Jennifer, big congrats
on graduating med school.
That was a huge accomplishment.
Lillian and Greg are so proud of you.
'Kay, and that was Phyllis.
- [SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
- YOUNG MAN: Yeah, okay.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
You guys, racism is over!
At Westpark High, and hopefully
eventually in the world soon!
And it wouldn't have been possible
without the horrible abuse I suffered.
I just want everyone to get along
and I want people of all
colors holding hands, hugging,
and telling each other awesome secrets.
[SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT]
And
But we we have a lot more work to do,
and yes, we can, and
I'm a liar.
What?
I'm a little bit of a liar.
Oh, my God, Peter, I said it.
The mike is on, right?
Chad, are you okay, man?
Mm Peter, do something.
I can't tell them. You should tell them.
I don't want to tell them, Peter.
You're already halfway there.
Oh, my God, he's coming out.
I-I'm not coming out.
That's not what this is.
Chad, it's okay if you're gay, man.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah. Just come out.
Oh, my God, you guys, if
only it were that simple.
I wish I was a gay person coming out.
[CHANTING] Be gay! Be
gay! Be gay! Be gay!
Peter, they think I'm coming out.
Can we just tell them I'm gay
and then go on with the
rest second half of our day?
- Tell the truth.
- I don't want to tell them.
- Chad.
- Mnh-mnh.
Go on. You can do it.
♪
I was not the victim of a hate crime.
What you saw happen to my locker
I did myself.
I vandalized my own locker.
You faked a hate crime?
N-No, I-I-I didn't fake it.
I just went along with it.
You guys just wanted me
to be a victim so bad,
I didn't want to let you down.
You guys wanted this. You did this!
Whoa! You guys! You guys!
[STUDENTS BOOING]
Okay, see, now, I feel
like this is a hate crime.
- Right?
- [BOOING CONTINUES]
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
Wow. Uh
[GROANS]
A-Alright, Peter,
give it to me straight.
Overall, what did you think
of the vibe of that assembly?
I'd say "chaotic" and "heartbreaking"
are words that come to mind.
Okay, yeah. People were
throwing vape pens at my head.
- I
- Hey, Chad.
Hey, Reid.
Uh, were you at the assembly?
Yeah.
And you were pretty much
paying attention the whole time
and saw what transpired?
Yeah.
Dang it.
Chad, I'm not mad at you.
Oh, thank heavens.
Oh, my God, well, thanks
for stopping by, bro.
I'm worried about you.
Clearly you have a lot of demons.
We all do, but yours are like mm!
Yeah.
Look, I'm just hoping you can
find the real Chad or something.
Yeah. [STAMMERS] Where is he?
- Bye, Pete.
- Bye.
See ya, Reid.
Thanks for the notes, Reid.
Appreciate it.
Guess we're back to
square one, you and I.
Not really.
Last year, I'd say most
kids didn't know your name,
but now, they've actively
turned against you.
But they know my name.
I'm just chilling
with my boys, yeah, ooh ♪
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just ♪
Chilling making noise, yeah, ooh ♪
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just ♪
Filling up the joint, yeah, ooh ♪
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just
chilling till deployed, yeah ♪
- Catch us out on Dundas ♪
- Yeah ♪
- With drugs and tons of blunt wraps ♪
- Yeah ♪
- We searching where to munch at ♪
- Yeah ♪
Get it, get it eating pho, yeah, ooh ♪
- Get it, get it like I'm broke, yeah, ooh ♪
- Get it, get it ♪
- Get it, get it like I'm on that ♪
- Get it ♪
- Ay, we just waiting for the call back ♪
- Ay ♪
Everyone wants a piece ♪
Yeah, I know exactly
what to call that, shady ♪
Catch me with my boys ♪