Close Enough (2020) s02e01 Episode Script

♪♪
Oh, man.
Look at her.
I can't wait
for us to play.
We're gonna have
so much fun together.
[ Baby laughing ]
Blue 42! Hut hut! Hike!
Stiff arm! Spin move!
He passes! He scores!
Josh,
support the neck!
Oh, I'm gonna getcha!
I'm gonna getcha!
Hey, look at this little baby!
Is she ticklish?
[ Laughing ]
Ha ha!
Pbht!
Daddy, Daddy,
picky up!
Prepare for lift off!
[ Laughs ]
Dad!
We saw this really old movie
at school today
called "King Kong"!
It had Jack Black
in it!
Classic!
Let's play "King Kong"!
[ Both laughing ]
[ Bones crack ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Distorted laughter ]
Hmm.
[ Laughter continues ]
[ Snapping ]
Uh, Dad?
Aaah!
♪♪
♪♪
Well, Mr. Singleton, no wonder
you threw your back out
lifting your daughter.
You have literally
zero core strength.
Oh, my God.
Will I ever be able
to pick her up again?
Only if
you start exercising.
So there's nothing
I can do?
Look, you need
to work on your core
if you want
to get better.
I would like
a second opinion.
Start exercising
or you will never
lift your daughter again.
♪♪
[ Sighs ]
Let's do this. For Candice.
[ Grunting ]
[ Groaning, vomiting ]
[ Coughs ]
Jim: You know
what they say
if you ain't pukin',
it ain't workin'.
Jim Crunch.
Thank you,
strong sir.
You ever get tired
of playin' with the pups
and want to run
with the big dogs,
I'm right next door.
I want to run
with the big dogs.
What we do here
isn't just exercise, Josh.
It's a church
where we
max out greatness
annihilate weakness
and discover unrealized
swole-tential.
[ Grunts ]
Weights are my angels,
and gains are my God.
We're not just blastin' bodies,
we're blastin' lives.
Whoa.
You make it
sound like a cult.
Thanks!
If you do everything I say
and devote yourself
to the swoletown
system of WODs --
"workouts of the day" --
you will get the massive gains
you deserve.
I just want to be able
to lift up my daughter.
When I'm done
with you,
you'll be able
to kill your daughter.
First, here's you right now,
string bean.
But next,
you'll get swole.
Then cut.
After that,
ripped, yoked, jacked,
and finally, shredded,
which is what I am.
[ Grunting ]
Wow.
What's that?
Oh, no one has ever
achieved absolute unit.
You have to complete
the impossible WOD,
which could
literally kill you.
Let's focus on getting you
swole first, okay?
Well,
these don't look so --
[ Groans ]
Daddy,
come play with me!
Sorry, Candice.
A few more WODs
and a couple of protein shakes,
and I should be able to lift you
as high as the ceiling.
Yay!
Jim Crunch says that pain is
just weakness leaving the body.
And if you ain't achin',
it ain't workin'.
Know your limits
and defy them daily.
Because you don't stop
when you're tired --
you stop
when you're done.
And if you --
[ Bones crack ]
♪♪
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
[ Watch beeping ]
Come on now ♪
♪♪
Come on now ♪
♪♪
Come on now ♪
♪♪
♪♪
Yeah!
♪♪
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
♪♪
♪♪
Sorry.
Bridgette,
I'm scared.
[ Grunts ]
Yeah, you're married
to a monster.
No, I'm scared
of how hot Josh is.
I always thought I was attracted
to string-bean beta males,
but apparently,
I love big, ham-hock hunks.
Em,
check this out --
I got that "V" thing
like the dudes from "300."
"I. Am. Sparta!"
[ Chuckles ]
Uh
Daddy, can we go
play "King Kong"?
You bet!
Uhp!
[ Watch beeping ]
Sorry,
I gotta get to Swoletown.
If I miss even one workout
or meal,
I could lose
my massive gains.
Hell, yeah!
Sorry.
But we were playing.
[ Sighs ]
I know, sweetie.
But it's important we
support him now that he's hot.
100!
Congrats, Josh.
You're officially shredded.
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thanks, guys. But I need more.
I want to become
an absolute unit.
[ All gasp ]
It's too dangerous.
The last guy who attempted
the impossible WOD
died after
his hammies exploded.
[ Scoffs ]
You know what they say --
If you ain't dyin',
it ain't workin'.
Bro, listen.
This is me, Jim Crunch, talking.
Even if your hammies
survive the 'splozh,
we don't know what all that
muscle could do to your mind.
My dude,
I appreciate you.
But would you
tell the sun
not to rise and grind
each morning?
Would you tell the moon
not to blast its quads
into the night sky?
Oh, I love your energy
right now, brah.
If anyone can become
an absolute unit,
it's you, brah.
I'm gonna start
a gratitude journal
and just write
your name in it, brah.
You're the wind
beneath my traps, brah.
You're the reason
I got so good at kegels, brah!
Words fail me,
bro!
Bro!
Bro!
[ Both howling ]
Daddy,
look at my drawing!
Not now, Candice,
I'm making a chicken smoothie.
[ Blender whirring ]
Be firm.
[ Gasps ]
♪♪
God, he's so freakin' hot.
[ Clears throat ]
Josh, we need to talk.
I'm horny -- happy
you've gotten so healthy.
What I'm trying to sex is --
shit, hold on.
[ Sighs ]
Josh?
You're neglecting Candice.
You haven't played with her
all week.
We just made this
chicken smoothie together.
She's fine.
Oh
Maybe I have been
a little preoccupied.
[ Watch beeping ]
Damn.
I got to get back
to the gym.
I'll play
with Candice tomorrow --
the best "King Kong" ever.
Because once I do
the impossible WOD,
I'll be
an absolute unit.
I don't know
what that is,
but somehow
I know I need it.
Just promise you'll spend time
with Candice, okay?
I promise.
[ Sighs ]
It's like warm marble.
♪♪
Jim:
The impossible WOD.
10 reps of every exercise
at one 100% of your max.
♪♪
You've only got
10 minutes.
Ready?
[ Stopwatch beeps ]
Go!
♪♪
♪♪
He's doing it, Tony.
He's really doing it.
Just one more rep,
Josh!
[ Distorted grunting ]
♪♪
It's happening!
[ Grunts ]
You're the king.
KingKong?
Candice!
I coming to play!
Hang on, you gotta take
a victory selfie for the wall!
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
Worth it, bro.
Check the passport
of your heart.
Anything to declare?
Yes. Inner peace.
[ Grunts ]
Play. With. Candice!
Dad?
I know perfect place
play "King Kong."
[ Grunts ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Car alarm blaring ]
Going up!
Daddy go higher!
[ Sirens wail, tires screech ]
Mom!
It's okay, Candice!
Josh,
you look incredible.
Please put
our daughter down.
Candice ready
to play "King Kong"?
Uh,
this is pretty freaky,
but I'll take
what I can get?
[ Laughs ]
[ Watch beeping ]
Huh?
Workout time.
Me go back gym.
But we didn't play!
Strong Daddy need gains!
You care more about
your stupid gains than me.
I wish
you never got strong.
Oh!
What if
me no able pick you up?
You getting so big.
I don't care if you can't
pick me up to play.
Just as long
as we play.
Really?
Of course.
Oh,
forget the gym.
Let's play.
Oh!
[ Laughing ]
I love you, Dad!
I love you, t--
Bullseye.
[ Groans ]
[ Siren wailing ]
[ Groans ]
That's my husband.
Hunk, right?
[ Gasps ] Huh?
How long
have I been out?
Three hours.
[ Gasps ] That's five
meals, four smoothies,
and two workouts!
I lost all my gains.
That's okay.
I liked strong Dad,
but I love Dad Dad.
Yeah, no, it's -- it's good
that you're normal again.
Was I feeling passion
I've never felt before?
Yes.
"But"?
No, that's it.
Well, there is one
final workout I need to do.
♪♪
[ All grunting ]
♪♪
[ All sobbing ]
♪♪
Jim Crunch!
All:
DNA! DNA! DNA! DNA! DNA!
DNA! DNA!
What's up?
What are we doing?
We got our results back
from that bulk genetic test
we bought from Costco!
Nice.
So, whose ancestors killed who?
Well, my people came
from Guadalajara
Bridgette's came from Kyoto
and Josh is white.
Can you believe it?
Mine says
there's a 92% chance
I'm descended
from a long line ofcreeps?
[ Chuckles ]
Ooh, aha.
[ Chuckling ]
You're out of here!
Well, that doesn't
seem scientific!
Please let me be related
to Bruce Willis.
Well,
this can't be right.
Ma told me
my birth parents died.
But Costco says
they're living in Malibu?!
[ All gasp ]
[ Chuckles ]
Ooh, ahh, ooh!
♪♪
♪♪
You told me
they were dead!
Randy --
And not just
that they were dead --
that they were astronauts
who went on
a top-secret mission to Mars!
Where they and their
trusty chimpanzee, Derek,
were attacked
by Martians
and they heroically died
protecting the spaceship.
Is none of that true?!
I'm so sorry.
It's just --
I could never bring myself
to tell you the truth
about your parents.
Which is?
[ Sighs ]
Your parents,
Wyatt and Deborah Trickle,
were thieves.
And not just
any thieves.
Gas thieves.
Masters of
the "sip 'n slip."
They slurped gas
out of tanks
from Santa Maria
to Santa Clarita.
Deborah was "the nose"
[ Sniffs ]
able to sniff out a full tank
from 30 yards away.
Wyatt was "the cheeks,"
able to suck gas out of a tank
faster than you can say
"Hey, what you doing over there?
That's my car!"
Then, one night,
I came along.
[ Gun cocks ]
Hands up!
[ Gasps ]
Little did I know
what they'd be willing to do
to get away.
♪♪
They left you behind
so they could make off
with 15 gallons
of premium unleaded.
Aww.
Eventually,
the law caught up to them.
I brought you
to visit them
to try to keep them
in your life.
Here!
But they weren't interested.
[ Electricity crackles ]
So, that's why
I never told you.
I couldn't stand the idea
of you thinking
someone
wouldn't want you.
Well,
despite what you think,
I'm a big boy
that can handle the truth.
In fact,
I already e-mailed my parents,
and I'm
meeting them today.
Randy, you need
to be careful.
Ma!
I can take care of myself!
Ow! No!
Do not
kiss it better!
I'm a grown man!
I'll kiss it better!
[ Smooches ] Better.
Hey!
How was the toy store?
A bust. Candice thought
everything was for babies.
Luckily, Home Depot
was having a sale next door.
[ Whirring, laughter ]
You bought her
a leaf blower?!
You're the one who always says
she should be playing
with non-gendered toys!
Ohh.
Ohh.
Look at
that red-ass Mullet.
You must be a Trickle.
C'mon 'n give us
some sugar!
[ Laughs ]
A Trickle.
Aww.
I don't know
what to say.
Hell,
neither do we.
But let's head inside
and talk over some fine dinin'.
♪♪
What?! McRibs?!
That's G-God's
favorite sandwich!
Hell, yes!
When you're with
the Trickles,
McRibs are on the menu
year round!
Take that,
Ronald McDonald,
you withholdin' sack
of dog shit.
[ Slurping, groaning ]
I can't believe
how incredible this is.
My mo-- um -- Pearle told me
you were bad people.
You obviously can't be.
'Cause you guys are rich.
Well,
we were bad people.
Out of our minds
on gas fumes.
Always lookin' for
the next big slurp.
When we got out of prison,
we straightened up.
No more
suckin' gas from cars.
What do you do now?
We're frackers!
We suck gas from the land.
I use "the nose"
to sniff out natural gas.
[ Sniffs ]
And I use "the cheeks"
[Slurping]
to lay back
and sip hillbilly Mai Tais.
Mountain Dew and rum.
This tastes like
I banged my head on a pole.
I love it.
[ Slurping ]
Hot damn,
look at that!
You got the cheeks,
too!
I guess I do!
Randy, we are so sorry
for not reachin' out.
We just -- Ah, we thought
it was best you move on.
We didn't deserve
to be your parents.
I don't care what you did
in the past.
The important thing is
you're here now,
and you aren't tossing me
at anyone as a means of escape.
Hell,
I'll drink to that!
[ Tires screech ]
[ Groans ]
Thanks for the ride,
Mom and Dad.
Today was perfect.
It was our pleasure.
[ Gasps, sniffs ]
Do you smell gas?
[ Laughing ]
Candice!
Stop giving that kid sick air!
Ah.
Never mind.
Pearle!
Get on over here!
[ Grunts ]
We can't thank you enough
for doing such a terrific job
raising our boy.
Looks like we threw our baby
at the right cop.
Just stepping up
where others wouldn't.
What're you two
up to these days?
Still doing
the ole sip 'n slip?
Ma! Geeze!
They don't
steal gas anymore!
They frack it.
It's more like
burping the Earth.
What would you know
about burping anything?
Ma!
Stop getting hung up on the fact
that these guys abandoned me
multiple times as a child
and be nice!
No,
we understand, son.
We don't deserve
her trust.
But we'd sure like
to earn it.
We want
to stay in Randy's life,
meet all his friends.
Why don't we throw a big party,
right here?
A neighborhood carnival!
We'd do it
at our place,
but we're re-glazing
our butthole washers.
In Europe,
they're called "bidettes."
That'd be amazing!
Alright then.
♪♪
[ Whirring ]
[ Laughing ]
Oh, geeze!
I have to say, Randy,
this is pretty fun.
I'm sorry I misjudged
the Trickles.
That's okay.
I just wish I'd known
about them sooner.
Well,
I hope you realize
I did what I did
out of love.
Uh, yeah.
I guess so.
[ Sniffs ] Huh?
[ Sniffing ]
♪♪
Huh. [ Grunts ]
Fracking?!
No, son.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
We set this whole thing up
so we could do
a little bit
of secret frackin'.
[ Chuckles ]
I knew I smelled gas!
Well, Goddamn.
You got the cheeks
and the nose.
You're fracking
under my house?
Soon as we pulled up
the other day, I smelled it.
Ah, the motherlode,
right here.
We had to have it.
Them swings're suckin' out
natural gas as we speak.
[ Children shouting ]
I'm sorry
we didn't tell ya, bud.
It's just the city
can get real prickly
about fracking
under people's houses.
And we'll cut you in
on the proceeds.
Ah,
you're a Trickle now!
Huh.
Are you sure this is safe?
Of course!
Nothin' bad ever happened
from fracking.
[ Screaming ]
[ Rumbling ]
[ Clattering ]
[ Screaming ]
That's probably
a coincidence.
[ Screaming ]
That sinkhole
ain't playin'!
Let's bail!
C'mon, Randy!
It's time for the ole
sip 'n slip!
No!
You're gonna destroy my home!
What do you
expect us to do,
dump the gas
back into the ground,
fill up the sinkhole,
and go back to bein'
all buddy buddy?
Yeah, I guess!
Sorry, Randy, but we ain't
exactly the type
that puts gas
into stuff.
Now are you
a Trickle or not?
[ Groaning ]
Adios, son!
Until next time!
♪♪
[ Panting ]
[ Grunts ]
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
♪♪
[ All gasp ]
Aaaah!
[ Whirring ]
[ All gasp ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Gasps ]
Dad!
Don't do this!
Sorry, son.
I love ya
but I love gas more.
[ Grunts ]
[ Screams ]
Ma?!
I'll always be there
to catch you, baby.
What are we gonna do?
Uh-huh.
[ Tires screech ]
[ Sniffs ]
♪♪
My God.
[ Slurping ]
He's the greatest Trickle
that ever lived.
♪♪
[ Tires screech ]
[ Sirens wail ]
[ Guns cock ]
That boy sucks
just like his daddy.
[ Whirring ]
I can't hold it much longer!
♪♪
♪♪
[ All cheering ]
Yay!
Ma, you've given me the best
life I could've asked for.
I may've inherited
the Trickle nose and cheeks,
but I got your heart.
Oh, baby.
[ Chuckles ]
Get rid of it!
[ Grunts ]
Candice: Has anyone seen
my leaf blower?
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪