Daria s02e01 Episode Script

What have I done? Oh, God, what have I done It's all right, Jake.
We'll get through this as a family.
Yeah, don't worry, Daddy.
We're here for you no matter what.
I'm going to miss Upcoming Attractions! What's wrong? Your father had a little business setback, dear.
He lost a client.
"I got a great idea," he said "A million dollar idea," he said.
"Cigars for pets.
What do you think?" he said.
"I want you to be honest," he said.
What the hell made me believe him? Jake, everyone slips up now and then.
He fired you for being honest? It was entrapment! So it's off to the sneaker sweatshop for me and Quinn? Don't be ridiculous, you two.
Daria, you know I've got more work than I can handle, and you'll get busy again, Jakey.
Just be patient.
But what'll I do in the meantime? You always said you want to work on your cooking.
If you're looking for some way to occupy yourself, there are plenty of chores that need doing around here.
What? You get to say it.
Good.
Brittany, did you spill your paint? Um, no? Is this a good time, Ms.
Defoe? Yes, come on in.
Class, Ms.
Li and Mr.
O'Neill have some intriguing news.
Lawndale High is participating in a state-wide student art contest.
That's why we chosen art class is the place to announce it.
The theme of the contest is "Student Life at the Dawn of the Millennium.
" What's it like to be a high school student in today's fast-changing world.
Entry is strictly voluntary, of course, although frankly, I don't see how any of you could think of passing up the chance to bring honor unto yourself and Lawndale High.
"Unto"? Buckle my shoe.
Ms.
Defoe will choose the entries from each art class, and I'm contest coordinator for the school.
Good luck, kids! Students, I urge you to take this opportunity.
Curiosity inquiry expression these are the building blocks of education.
Ma'am? No questions! Good luck, all! I wanted to tell her I've got a great idea for a poster! Me, too.
Mine's going to be about cheerleading.
Oh, no! Now what'll I do? How about something on quarterbacks, babe? Jane, can you stay a minute? Jane, I'm eager to see what all the students come up with for this contest.
All the students who choose to participate.
But I really can't wait to see your entry.
Well, you know, I really don't think artists should compete with each other.
See, I believe in a community of creativity.
You're such an accomplished artist, and such an original thinker.
If there's anyone in this school who can capture student life today, it's you.
I just want to say, good luck.
Thanks.
Why did she have to be so nice? Now I have to come up with some stupid poster about student life.
Where to start? There's so much to hate about it.
You know, nobody said the message had to be positive.
I'm going to do something that really represents student life.
Yes.
To blow away the story-book fantasy about how great it is to be young.
Yes.
And you're going to help.
No.
You gotta help me.
You're the most negative person I know.
Thanks.
Come on! Now's your chance to tell the world what you really think of life at Lawndale High.
Tell the world that I, Daria Morgendorffer, have something I want to say.
Yes! No.
Come on! All right.
I'll make my personal statement, and I'll stand behind it.
I knew you would.
But only on condition of strict anonymity.
You're a real Joan of Arc, you know that? Yeah, and I think I just ordered a stake.
How about we call it, "America's Future Leaders," and we just enlarge a picture of Kevin and Brittany? Come on, that's too depressing.
How about we call it, "Beauty is only Skin Deep," and we attach the skin of an actual student? Oh, I like that.
I wonder if we can talk Quinn into donating hers? I'm starting to think this is going to require more pizza.
I'm starting to agree with you.
Where were we? We were talking about hanging a roll of fly paper and calling it, "It's Important to Be Attractive.
" Oh, yeah.
With or without flies? Did they add another quart of grease to the pizza recipe? One more slice? No, I already feel like I might throw up.
Well, it's very gratifying to see so much participation in the contest.
Charles, what's the name of your poster? And what exactly does it say about student life at the century's edge? It's more of a personal mission statement.
Mission impossible, he means.
Tell us about your poster, Brittany.
I call it, "Don't Drink or Take Drugs.
" And the message is, don't drink or take drugs! But how do we get that message? All I see is the alcohol and the drugs, with no negative imagery to symbolize their dangers.
There! Well, Brittany, that's um let's talk after class.
And Jane, what did you decide? Oh, she's beautiful! "She knows she's a winner, she couldn't be thinner, now she goes in the bathroom and vomits up dinner?" Oh, Jane, I don't think that's funny.
Um, you don't? Do you think it's funny to make fun of someone with an eating disorder? No! But It's not meant to be funny.
It's not meant to be funny.
Well, then, do you think it's your place to pass judgement on someone with a low self-image just because you don't have that problem yourself? But that's not what I'm saying at all.
Then what are you saying? I'm saying that people shouldn't uh She's saying that all the emphasis on appearance today can be dangerous.
The girl is very pretty, and your first reaction is, "Oh, what a happy teenager!" But maybe that's not the whole story.
Maybe that prettiness comes at a price.
Oh, is that what you're saying, Jane? Pretty much.
And you felt you had to say it in such graphic, unappealing language.
The choice of words was deliberate, to contrast with the beauty of the image and shock the viewer into paying attention.
You know what, Jane? This really is a work of art, and it really does make a statement, in an original way.
I'd like you to let me enter it in the state-wide competition.
Sounds okay.
And how does it sound to your collaborator? Next time, I give you a prepared statement.
Daria, Jane.
This poster is beautiful Truly accomplished.
A real credit to yourselves and to Lawndale High.
And the poem a very interesting perspective.
Except Yes? There's this one line.
Yes? I'm just wondering if you would consider changing the part about vomiting up dinner.
It's kind of yucky.
It presents a distasteful picture to the student body.
You know we wouldn't want people doing that.
That's the point.
So we're all on the same page! The girl is so obsessed with being beautiful that it turns her into something really ugly.
That's the message of the poster.
So it takes me a while.
But she looks so pretty and happy.
Why not make the theme positive? Instead of "she vomits up dinner," how about "she barely touches dinner?" You mean, being that gorgeous is so tiring that she's too exhausted to eat? Exactly! See, even beautiful people have problems.
So, hang in there, kids! Boy, you really don't get it at all, do you? Look, I didn't even want to write this stupid poem.
I don't care about what other people do to themselves.
But if you change that line, the poem becomes just another phony dishonest message.
It'll applaud the same thing it criticized before.
Don't you see that? Ms.
Morgendorffer, is it so wrong for young people to take pride in the way they look? Do whatever you want to the poster.
Just take my name off it.
And mine.
Now, now, ladies.
Emotions are running high.
Let's all take 24 hours to think about it, hmmm? Fine.
It's your decision to make! Call their parents.
Jane Lane.
Mrs.
Amanda Lane.
"Hello, Mrs.
Lane!" Okay.
Helen Morgendorffer.
"Hello, Mrs.
Morgendorffer!" I've got absolutely no paperwork for my three o'clock, I can't find the brief I was supposed to get this morning, and my stationary still has the wrong e-mail address! Why the hell can't anything ever go right around here? Helen? It's your daughter's teacher.
Tell them I'll make sure Quinn turns in the assignment by Monday.
Oh, and try to find out what the assignment is, ok? and maybe you could get started making a few notes on it.
It's your other daughter, I think.
Daria? Well, then, tell them I'll talk to her about her attitude, and try to find out who she insulted and what she said.
He says that she has a rare opportunity that he'd hate to see her squander Oh, just give it to me.
Helen Morgendorffer.
Hello, Mrs.
Morgenfoffer uh, Morgendorffer.
This is Timothy O'Neill at Lawndale High.
I'm your daughter Daria's English teacher.
Yes, is this about her essay on banning capital punishment and bringing back torture instead? Because that was obviously a joke.
No, Mrs.
Morgendorffer, it's about a poster she helped create.
See, we're having a contest concerning student life at the dawn of the millennium Could you possibly speed this up a little? I'm late for two conference calls.
Um, she wrote a very unpleasant poem to go with a very nice picture and I was hoping you would talk to her about maybe reconsidering and rewriting it.
Fine, I'll be happy to.
If this requires further discussion, please feel free to call my husband.
Jake Morgendorffer.
"Hello, Mr.
Morgendorffer.
" Hello Jake Morgendorffer, Jake Morgendorffer here, what can I do for you, anybody there? Hello? You've reached the office of Jake Morgendorffer Consulting.
You need to be consulted More penne a la pesto, anyone? All right.
You friend Jane asked you to help her make a poster.
If I ever find out who the sadist was who called today You came up with the idea of a pretty girl with an eating disorder.
Daria, that is so you.
Is that a compliment or an insult? You know, if you refrigerate this stuff, the pesto kinda gets a little funky.
It oxidizes or something.
It's best eaten the day it's made.
Now, who would like some more? Jake, would you put down the damn macaroni and ask your daughter why she has to be so cynical all the time! It's not macaroni, Helen! She's supposed to be making a poster about student life, and she comes up with the most negative message she could think of.
It's not negative.
It's supportive of students who don't want to be judged by their looks.
Oh, come on Daria.
People like that don't exist.
Jake, ask her why she can't be upbeat once in a while.
You see, Helen, if this was supposed to be macaroni and cheese, it would be very bad.
But it's penne a la pesto, and judged by the standards of penne a la pesto, it's very good.
Jake, what the hell are you talking about? Are you listening? Of course, sure.
What I mean is, if this poster is supposed to be propaganda promoting student life, it's very bad.
But if it's supposed to be art expressing Daria's personal vision of student life, it's very good.
See? Thanks, Dad! It's oxidizing.
So then, splat! Dinner ends up on top of my dad's head.
Wow, excellent.
Your youthful integrity is tearing your family apart.
Well, not exactly.
My mother came back and mumbled something about PMS and apologized, but at least we don't have to eat leftover macaroni tonight.
We're still resigning from the poster contest, right? Daria? I told them I'd at least listen to Mr.
O'Neill's point of view, but I didn't make any promises.
I mean, other than that one.
So you see, girls, I don't want to change the intent of your poster.
I just want to make it more palatable.
You know what they say, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
Not if you're diabetic.
Excuse me, Mr.
O'Neill? Uh, yes? I want to enter my new poster in the contest.
Oh, that's really nice.
What an affirmative message.
Togetherness? Um, the message is, "don't join a gang.
" That's also the title.
Um, Brittany, I see the gang, but I don't see anything representing "don't.
" Oh, yeah.
Where's my lipstick? And that's how good art becomes great art.
Anyway, I have an idea.
How about you let me work on the poem a bit? Maybe I can come up with something that's less abrasive, that gets your point across.
And if we don't like what you do? Then we'll forget about it and leave the poster the way you made it.
You can't lose.
What do you say? Okay, but quote Mary Poppins again and the deal's off.
Ms.
Lane and Ms.
Morgendorffer, I believe you're going to be pleased with what Mr.
O'Neill has to show you.
Daria, Jane, I really think I've done it! I've captured the essence of your message while softening the rough edges.
You stone-washed it? "She knows she's a winner, she couldn't be thinner, cause she's careful what she eats for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Good nutrition rules.
" Is this a joke? Smart eating habits are no joke, Daria.
What does this have to do with out poster? It turns a negative message into a positive one.
She's not pretty because she starves herself into it, she's pretty because she takes care of herself.
It's even more powerful than before, because it's upbeat! I see.
She's not going to throw up anymore.
But I might.
Don't do that.
It's downbeat.
You young women should be thanking Mr.
O'Neill for his hard work preserving your message.
He didn't preserve it.
He perverted it.
He removed all the substance and impact and turned it into meaningless drivel.
So we'd like our poster back now, please.
Meaning what? Meaning we're withdrawing it from the contest, according to our agreement.
Excuse me, girls, I didn't make any agreement.
Mr.
O'Neill did.
Mr.
O'Neill is in no position to offer such a deal.
The poster will be displayed during the school board meeting tomorrow night then it will be entered into the contest, and it will bring honor and acclaim to you two and to our But Ms.
Li, I did promise I didn't.
Can she do that? No, this is all a horrible dream brought on by too much penne a la pesto.
Don't we have a recourse or anything? Can we talk to Mr.
O'Neill? We could appeal to him, and he might turn the full force of his overwhelming personality on Ms.
Li, and then she'd eat him.
Well, how about your mother? How about yours? My mother's a little preoccupied right now.
She's tracking down the source of a disturbing heat variation in her kiln.
But your mother is a lawyer.
A lawyer who thinks it's a really good idea for me to get involved in the poster contest.
The system failed us.
The system sucks.
We're going to have to go outside the system.
You don't mean Yes.
You did the right thing coming to me.
Sorry we woke you up.
Don't worry about it.
It was bound to happen sooner or later.
All right, here's the plan.
I'll sit right here with my foot on the accelerator, ready to burn rubber.
Trent, pull over here and make sure you turn off the car in case you fall asleep, okay? Alternate plan.
Cool.
All clear? Just about.
Wait.
What are you guys doing here? Observing.
Innocently.
I can't believe what Ms.
Li did to your poster.
Wait a minute what are you guys planning? Get lost, Landon.
For your own good.
You've got a bright future, kid.
You don't want to be here when what's going to go down goes down.
Let's do it.
What?! Oh, no! Did you really think you were going to get away with this? Well, it would be stupid to say "yes" now.
This is no joke! Vandalizing school property is a punishable offense, and the first thing we're going to do is call your parents! Oh, bother! Whose butt do I have to kiss around here to get my interoffice mail before nightfall? Helen? It's your daughter's school.
The principal.
The principal? Hello? Hello, Mrs.
Morgendorffer.
This is Angela Li, principal of Lawndale High.
Yes, Ms.
Li.
How may I help you? Mrs.
Morgendorffer, I'm afraid I have some rather bad news.
Your daughter, Daria, appears to have been involved in an act of vandalism.
What?! Mrs.
Morgendorffer, your daughter collaborated with Jane Lane in the creation of a poster for our art contest.
Yes, I'm aware of that.
We found part of the poster unacceptable, so it was altered prior to its entry.
Unfortunately, someone defaced the poster while it was on display, and since your daughter and Ms.
Lane had objected to changing it, I must assume that they were the vandals.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to take drastic action.
Wait a moment.
You're saying the girls were against changing the poster, but entered it into the contest anyway? It was entered for them.
I was under the impression that participation in this contest was voluntary.
It was, but your daughter refused to volunteer, so in her case, I made it mandatory.
All right, Ms.
Li, let me make sure I have this straight.
You took my daughter's poster from her, altered its content, exhibited it against her will, and are now threatening discipline because you claim she defaced her own property, which you admit to stealing? That's not what I said at all! Ms.
Li, are you familiar with the phrase "violation of civil liberties"? I And the phrase "big fat lawsuit"? So, the only way for us to save our work was to destroy it.
Catchy phrase.
And we got away with it.
You should turn this into a short story.
That's not a bad idea.
And I think I already have a title for it.
Yeah? I'm going to call it, "Student Life at the Dawn of the New Millennium.
" I won! I won the art contest! Written by Glenn Eichler Réponses au blindtest: beginning of art class Beck - Dead Weight (A Life Less Ordinary) end of art class Morrissey - Alma Matters beginning at Pizza King Edwyn Collins - The Magic Piper Of Love Daria and Jane eating pizza The Dandy Warhols - Not If You Are The Last Junkie On Earth Jane's mom's music LL Cool J - Phenomenom Trent's music The Misfits - Dig Up Her Bones Daria and Jane walking to school Blink Daria and Jane going to Ms.
Li's office Portishead - All Mine in Trent's car Sonic Youth - Disappearer Ms.
Li and Mr.
O'Neill see defaced poster Atari Teenage Riot - Atari Teenage Riot Jane's mom's music LL Cool J - 4,3,2,1 Trent's music Echo and The Bunnymen - I Want to Be There When You Come Daria and Jane at Pizza King Bis - Tell It To The Kids closing credits Imani Coppola - Legend Of A Cowgirl