Documentary Now (2015) s02e01 Episode Script

1 Good evening.
I'm Helen Mirren, and you're watching "Documentary Now" season 51.
In 1992, filmmaker RC Baumgartner set out for Ohio to chronicle a gubernatorial campaign.
While the intended focus was the candidates, it soon shifted to those behind the scenes.
Through Baumgartner's lens, the world was introduced to political operators Teddy Redbones and Alvin Panagoulious in the campaign classic, "The Bunker.
" That's right.
As a former councilman, I care very much about Ohio.
Yes.
And I think it's important to run and give Ohioans a choice.
That's right.
I run as a as a kindness, you might say.
Okay.
Well, you have a good afternoon and then a good night.
Now, that is fun.
Talking on the telephone to reporters.
Hey, listen to this.
"Modest though he is, "Ben Herndon yesterday handed his campaign "over to a rogue's gallery of political gurus "including Teddy Redbones, "the so-called Mississippi Machiavelli, and Alvin Panagoulious, the boy-hunk" "of the Beltway.
" You think I'm a cute hunk? I feel like I'm shy.
No, they always write the same stuff about me.
A Mississippi Machiavelli or Sunburnt Succubus or What's the other one? Suspected arsonist.
Yeah? But You know what they always leave out? Undefeated.
That's right.
Undefeated.
Did you fellas forget to take your shoes off? Oh, sorry.
Apologies.
I mean, my goal is to have an office that just has a lot of open communication, so any messages for the candidate can go through me.
If there are any phone calls for the candidate, this all goes through me.
Everything's streamlined so it goes through me.
Just faster that way, and I don't know who put these up, but this one is a nine, and this wall should be all tens.
You know, blondes, brunettes.
Tasteful.
Just tens.
It's a little thing but it just affects everything, so - Okay.
- All right, thanks.
And let's please make sure on all the flyers that the name is spelled correctly.
It's H-E-R-N-D-O-N, Herndon.
And now let's hear from the man of the campaign, Mr Get out of my way.
Out of my way.
- Teddy Redbones.
- Get out of my way.
Let me tell you what this election's about, okay? Let me tell you why I wake up at 4:30 in the morning so angry.
Because Governor Lester with his head of hair and his perfect suits and his "jogging," well, he thinks he's got this re-election in the bag, right? What, because our guy ain't James Dean? Well, let me tell you something.
We've all been the most unpopular guy in the room.
Yeah? We've all been the person at the wedding no one wants to speak to during passed appetizers, yeah? And now we're up against Mr.
Popular.
Okay? Governor Lester with his his perfect record and his money and his $10 family, well, let me tell you something.
Even the shiniest, most beautiful apple has something mushy and brown underneath.
Now, we got to find whatever weird, mushy brownness we can on Governor Lester, all right? So let's get this goin'.
Come on.
So I guess the question is, how do you get excited about a candidate who says he is only running as a "kindness to the voters," and who has publicly praised Governor Lester's first term in office? He praised it publicly, exactly, to be nice.
It's kind of like when you meet someone's wife and you say she's a ten when really she's a true five.
I mean, I don't think I'm speaking out of turn when I say that.
We all do that.
And that's your political strategy? Rating women? You could see it that way.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm Luanne Maltley with "Politics Now.
" We'll be right back.
I think it went very well.
I understand that you're new to our style, but it's very effective, I assure you.
Don't worry.
Not gonna do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Jackass alert right here.
"Re-elect Lester.
" All right, hold up.
A lawn jockey? It's 1992.
What kind of people are th-these Lester supporters? Our man's a little nervous about our tactics, but he just needs to see that we've got it under control.
Yeah, I'm not worried about our man.
No, what I'm worried about is we don't have any honest-to-God dirt on Governor Lester.
Here's another one.
It's why I love Ohio, because you can't say it without saying, "Oh, hi.
" And I want to say "Oh, hi" to all the voters on election day.
And maybe the voters would like a change.
We have had a lot of Governor Lester and his cronies in the toll authority.
That's right, you go for the jugular, fat man.
I appreciate your support and thank you all for being here and let's let's win this thing.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Is that my jacket? It's the room's jacket.
Our man's a little nervous that the new TV ad is negative.
We have it? Mary Beth, we have it? Put it in.
Let's see it.
Come on.
Let's go.
This Sunday is Governor Lester's birthday.
Let's hope It's his last.
On election day vote for Ben Herndon.
Okay, our biggest problem, as usual, is time, so this is running 18 seconds.
Local TV will run it twice as long if we get it done at 11.
Now can we add kids singing "Happy Birthday" all spooky-like? That will just add more time.
Right.
Am I the only one that's concerned that this spot plays like we want Governor Lester to die? I don't understand.
W Walk me through that.
I feel like you're saying, "We hope it's your last birthday.
" In office.
We hope that Governor Lester will celebrate his last birthday in office because we've got the right guy with the right ideas who loves his state.
We're not only saying "Happy birthday, Governor Lester.
" We're also saying, "Hope you don't have to work on your birthday next year.
" I mean, it's two different types of nice.
It's a death threat.
It's clear, it's a death threat.
I know how we can shave off five seconds.
Go.
What if we take out "This election, vote for Ben Herndon?" Yes, just say, "Hope it's your last.
" Cut to spooky kids singing, "Happy birthday.
" Happy birthday to you Spooky as shit.
Freeze frame, x-ray on the photo.
Okay, you just added 15 more seconds.
Goddamn it, Mary Beth.
In one hour I got to go meet with a forger to try to change Governor Lester's high school yearbook quote, you understand? So I've got to be able to leave here knowing that this ad plays without you coming and pinching out the waist about ten seconds.
Okay? I can't work like that.
I trust you.
It'll be okay.
Figure it out! Mr.
Redbones, "The Cleveland Plain Dealer" wrote today that Herndon is "wildly unfit to be governor.
" Okay, well, first, "The Cleveland Plain Dealer's" a terrible name for a newspaper.
Man, it sounds like a boring blackjack dealer.
I mean, I like my blackjack dealers to be celebrity impersonators, and and while we're talking about gambling, I mean, Governor Lester you know, he's never publicly come out against riverboat gambling between Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky.
So I mean, ask yourselves that.
We could have ourselves a gambling addict in the in the governor's mansion.
Y'all are barking up the wrong dirt tree.
I want to write a story that Herndon failed basic economics in community college five times because we're gonna win.
We're young, we're cute.
You don't want to be the guy who bet against us.
You want to be the guy who went to high school with Kathy Ireland? And you ignored her because she was mousy-looking and then years later she's on the cover of "Sports Illustrated?" How's that gonna feel? You don't want to be that guy.
All right, now, listen up.
We're exactly one week away from the only important debate of this entire election.
I need some dirt on Governor Lester, all right? And I'm not talking about mudslinging.
Something real.
What about that intern hours thing we talked about? Remind me, what is that again? That's we have the news footage from Lester's headquarters.
Got interns.
They're working.
Not only on holidays but also more than five hours on a business day.
These are unpaid workers so So he's got slaves? No, these are interns.
It's fine to have interns.
Alvin.
Alvin.
We got footage of Lester using slaves.
No, no, no.
These are interns.
They're kids.
Child slaves.
That's even better.
- That's great.
- Child slaves.
I want a press conference, that's what I want.
Tell Mary Beth we want press conference.
You're signing off on this? I'm signing off on We're both signing off on it.
What do you mean, we sign off on it? We're both signing off.
Don't with us, Mark.
Sign off on it.
No, but Ben, it will absolutely dominate the airwaves tomorrow if we hit them with this today.
Yeah, but sir, here's what makes me nervous.
We've got nothing going into the debate.
Nothing that pops.
I'm sure you picked a nice suit out.
That's Okay.
It's a no-go.
What does he want from us? I mean, he just can't wrap his head around any kind of negativity.
It's what I never We've never had zilch, nothing.
Nothing at this late in the game, I mean Wait, wait, wait, wait, Teddy.
What is it? Got something, boss.
Once again, this is a shoes-off house.
Yeah, not gonna happen.
Look, we got legit evidence that Lester had a child with his college girlfriend and he's never admitted to it.
- Look at this.
Look at this.
- What? It's true.
It's all true.
- And he abandoned the child? - Yes.
Well, technically he didn't and he's never mentioned it.
I mean, he does pay child support and apparently they have a good relationship The point is he's a liar, okay? He's lied time and time again about how many children he has Oh, man.
Well, now this raises questions.
Yes, yes, it does raise some questions we're gonna raise in the debate tomorrow.
Oh, no Yes, yes, the people of Ohio deserve to know You got to take the reins on this.
Who they're gonna pick for governor.
They need to know the truth.
Okay.
Okay, I will do it.
You'll do it? Right, we'll see you tomorrow.
Wait.
I got to go take a dump.
- Where's your commode at? - No, don't wait Wipe up.
Shit.
I've been working on a a Herndon impression.
- You guys want to see it? - Yeah.
You can't tell him.
He's always so nervous.
"Well, I Alvin.
I think I'm nervous.
" You think you're nervous? Yeah, if you think you're nervous, you are nervous.
Put the taffy down, Tubby Tammy.
Yeah, this one works good.
I like it.
Put the taffy down, Tubby Tammy.
This one works.
You guys want to see the King of Pop? - Yeah, do it.
- All right, I'll do it.
Shamone! Boss, which one you want? I want the colorful one.
I like the one that makes me stand out.
Let me see it.
Let me see it.
Boss.
Boss.
Right? Tonight, the 1992 Ohio state gubernatorial debate, with current governor Tom Lester facing off against former councilman Ben Herndon.
And now, your debate moderator, Rhonda Lawndes.
Live from Civic Center, the 1992 Ohio gubernatorial debate.
Tonight is the night, Alvie.
The tide is gonna change.
I have prayed on it, and I cannot engage in this kind of attack.
Well Do you want to lose the race? Is that what you want to do? If I do this, how will I sleep at night? Y-you drink and you take pills like everybody else.
I believe in forgiveness.
And I am not sure what you two believe in except yourselves.
I want you off my campaign.
Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to have an honest debate.
Thanks for all your help.
Thanks for having me on.
Yes, it's a lot of work.
- Yeah.
- Not for us.
- No, no, for Mr.
Herndon.
- Right.
Please welcome Governor Tom Lester.
And former councilman and grandfather Ben Herndon.
That's the governor.
It's okay.
It's all right.
With Ohio's economy having a surplus for the first time in a generation, how would you continue economic momentum? Well that's a a good question.
And I would like to answer it tomorrow, and also I'm out of water.
I have water for you.
We're gonna lose this election.
No, no, no, we're ain't gonna lose this election.
Come here.
Remeber what I told you I'd do before I lose an election? Oh, yes, that was crazy.
Should I do it? Yeah.
- Yeah.
- You should do it.
Yeah.
Although I think my opponent would make a great grandfather of the year, I think I'd make a better governor.
Teddy Redbones's been shot! They shot me! Someone on Lester's campaign shot me! Oh, man, that hurt.
That's what I'm saying.
So Cleveland, Youngstown, Columbus, and all the southern districts are in.
Well, we're waiting on that, but I don't think it matters.
We got this.
It's ours.
Congratulations, Mr.
Governor.
We won.
We won! Yeah! If you don't mind, I'd like to say a few things.
There are three things that I'm grateful for at this moment.
The first is the way we ran this campaign.
I'm proud of everyone in this room.
The second thing, I recently met someone and I I am just giddy.
It's in that early phase where just everything is exciting.
Anything.
Holding hands, seeing each other, just walking into the same room.
Third thing is that I am proud and grateful for this man right here.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
I'm gonna cry now.
It's gonna be a weird cry.
This all started with a bet in a restaurant, that right? A bet that we could get anyone elected to anything.
And we did.
This was never about the state of Ohio or Ben - Herndon.
- Herndon.
It's about what we did.
We changed the way that election narratives are hijacked.
Y'all are political professionals.
You should be proud of that.
I'm proud of you.
You love your work, and you learned a lot.
We all learned a lot.
Like the difference between shooting someone in their ass and shooting them in their femur, ain't that right, Mary Beth? You should have seen her out there.
She went, "Ahh!" It was like Wile E.
Coyote down there.
You dumb knuckle head.
Anyway, give yourself.
Come on.
Thank you.
I just heard from Governor Lester who offers his congratulations.
I cannot believe I am governor.
I should say now, we have a family cruise planned in October for my aunt's 80th birthday, so I will be gone for three weeks for the cruise.
I hope that's okay.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you for your support.
Thank you for your vote.
Thank you.