Doll and Em (2013) s02e01 Episode Script

To Emily, our modern-day Joan of Arc.
What does an assistant do, like? - Do I make you coffee or tea? - Tell them to make it frothy.
You're Emily's assistant, right? I'm her best friend, I'm just here to help her while she does this film.
But She's paying you, right? You are the best friend that anyone could ever have.
That's what a good assistant would say.
- Ah, make-up, can we get the tear stick? - No, I-I don't need it.
I can do it on my own.
Cut.
Perfect.
That was amazing, Dolly.
Print that.
They've asked me to fly to England for a camera test.
I'm not joking.
- But not Emily? - No.
Break a leg, Doll.
You say you are my best friend, just as long as you're the fancied one, the successful one.
You've made this entire shoot all about you.
What about me if you go now, you are walking out of my life for ever, Doll.
There's no coming back.
- Voila.
Doll and Em.
- I didn't think you worked here any more.
That must be a huge relief to find absolutely nothing has changed.
I'm sorry I made you my assistant, not just because you are the worst assistant ever but because I lost my best friend.
Oh, I should be pinched to death! I really did love the play, Doll.
It was just what going to the theatre should be like.
Why don't we do something together, be in a play together? We could go and write by the sea somewhere, like Virginia Woolf In a lighthouse.
Yeah, my God.
That would be perfect.
Oh, it's so cool.
The views are incredible.
Feel like I'm floating.
It's like staying at the top of the Eiffel Tower or something.
It's an awesome panorama in all directions.
Look down.
It's a real trip.
Now these stairs are pretty steep so let's hold on to the rails.
Oh, it's so lovely.
Oh wow, I've had an idea already.
And another one! God, I'm on a roll.
Doll? - Dolly? - Yeah? - Dolly? Help.
- Excuse me? Oh, no.
Has your vertigo come back again? - Yeah, a little bit.
- Oh.
- Forgot it was going to be so high up.
- It's not as high as some.
This one's only 197 feet above sea level.
Shh! Help! Please don't say that.
- Oh.
- Do you want to leave? I don't know, maybe.
- Do the windows open? - No.
- Are you sure? - Absolutely.
So i-if I was sleepwalking or something, I wouldn't be able to crack them open and feed myself through? No, it it it seems like quite a steady pane.
I reckon even if you took a run-up Yeah, no.
There's no way.
Well, that's awesome, then.
Brilliant.
No, I love it.
- Your lighthouse is adorable.
- Thanks.
- Hey, aren't you an actress? - Yes, I am.
We both are.
- And playwrights now.
- Smart, that's real smart.
Thank you.
And are you writing parts for yourselves? - Oh absolutely.
Broadway, here we come.
- Real smart.
I'm guessing it's tough to book a job now that you're older.
I mean, I hear the ageing process is harsh for actresses.
Am I right? - Well, welcome, ladies.
Just one thing.
- Thank you.
Yeah? Don't touch this.
- OK, what's it for? - The main beam.
It warns oncoming boats.
You weren't tempted to put a bit of glass over it - with one of those little hammers.
- Yeah, on a chain.
- Or just put it m-much higher up.
- Glass and chains You crack me up! Good luck.
- Thanks.
- Bye.
Doll, I'm so glad you forced me to do this.
Sorry, I didn't mean forced.
I meant encouraged.
It's just so cool to finally be saying something for ourselves.
- Oh, don't say finally.
- Why not? It makes me sound hopeless.
You're not hopeless, you're a late bloomer.
It's actually really easy writing a play.
- Why do people make such a fuss about it? - I know.
Do you think we'll get invited on chat shows? Not sure about chat shows but, you know, if it's good, we might get invited to talk at universities or you know, late-night panel discussion forums, salons.
We'll be on the literary circuit, you know? Intimate dinners with other intellectuals.
I feel like we might get asked to do a TED Talk.
They are definitely going to ask you to do a TED Talk.
Can you do it, though? I'd quite like to be mysterious.
Turn the light off, Mrs Mystery.
- Oh, oh.
Oh! - What? - Sorry.
Taxi! Taxi! - Just wait a sec.
Oh! Crazy old dykes! So you're gonna, you're going to introduce it.
- You're going to talk first.
- Yes.
Okay.
You look very pretty, by the way.
I was just thinking the same thing about you.
Your skin looks really clear.
So, yeah, we'll say - h-how we came up with the idea - Mm-hm.
and then - why we think it works, as a play.
- Yeah.
- And, um Really? - You're looking very French again.
Yeah, your hair looks so shiny.
Ugh! My hair looks like straw.
It looks like I've sown feathers into it.
- I put vinegar in it.
- Is that a New York thing? Dunno.
- There's so much to learn.
- No your hair looks cool.
- It looks like you've just had sex.
- Does it? - Yeah.
Yes.
- Really? Come on, we've still got it! Thank you! Look at that sky.
Come on, let's take a selfie.
Mmmmwha! I love you.
- We're on Broadway! - I know.
- Come on.
Let's get out play bits on.
- I can't believe they're seeing us.
That's what it's like in America.
People take a chance on you, Doll.
um, and then Em came to see me in my play and she gave me this enormous T-shirt to say sorry and, um, so how it started was, that I was her assistant and I was, um, hopeless.
And we thought that maybe the play was going to be about that, - didn't we? - But then it turned into so much more because,um, you know, we're both, um you know, we both have, um, siblings of uncertain parentage.
- Long-lost siblings, really.
- And so much more.
I mean our.
.
our dads are friends and we are very similar.
- We get a kick out of the same things.
- Yeah, just lots of funny things we both just get, you know.
Yeah, like these tiny moments that we - don't really feel other people see.
- Mm.
Like, there was this amazing moment with this, um, man in a restaurant with a fly resting on his finger.
It was just such a tiny thing but it just opened up so much for us.
This He was just sitting there reading the newspaper, acting like it was the most normal thing in the world but clearly, he was getting such pleasure out of the Oh, they they were both getting a total kick out of it.
I mean, the fly just made him look good.
It defined the man somehow.
And then when the fly jumped off his finger, he just he just stared at his empty finger for a second and, um, shrugged, in a in a brave sort of, accepting kind of way.
Yeah, it was like Camus, sort of "Tolpy, off you go!" So what's the name of this play? - Oh oh, it's called, um, Joanne's Gift.
- The play is called Joanne's Gift Yeah, it's just two words that we we liked together, um, for now.
And, um, and I suppose it's a it's a metaphor for, um It the metaphor is for um It's a metaphor for, um kind of - uh, for women at this time.
Yeah.
- at this time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- Um, and you never see Joanne No - No, of course not - but you do see the long-lost siblings.
- Yep.
Would you like us to read a scene from the play? - Maybe we should do that.
- Mm, okay.
Yeah.
That would be good.
Yeah.
- Get the script out.
- I don't have it.
Do you? No.
I mean Why would you say I don't know, maybe we can remember some The only bit I can remember, you've already said it's the fly on the - Sorry.
- You start and I'll just - Well, I suppose if he's not interested - Can we just not talk for a bit? Sure.
Smells delicious, Em.
Oh God, I hope you like it.
- I'm sure it's going to be great.
- I know I'm going to.
What are we going to do? Oh, I don't know.
Something will come up.
I promise.
I'm gonna to make sure it does, OK? Do you have everything you need downstairs, Doll? Yes, thank you so much.
I know that room's normally for an au pair so if I can help in any way with the kids, just let me know.
Oh thanks, Doll.
And, of course, I'll I'll buy all my own food and everything.
Oh, that's sweet of you.
Don't be ridiculous.
You really don't have to worry about food, Doll.
One extra mouth to feed isn't going to make any difference.
What about your flat and the cats? Oh, I've sub-let it to this friend who's going to look after the cats.
Then, you know, if the play takes off or whatever, I'll just cancel the contract with the landlord.
What if the play doesn't happen? It's definitely going to happen.
Oh, cats.
I miss my little cats.
Aw! - Give us a drag.
- What are you doing? So the kids won't smell it on me.
- Does Noah do that? - Um-hm.
But can't they smell it on his beard? He wears one of those surgical masks.
Oh! Thank you.
Family life is so intense.
Oh, help.
That was quite strong.
We laugh a lot, though.
Me and the kids were in stitches when he said he was never going to cut his beard.
Was he being serious? Yes, I think so.
I'm so sorry.
No, no, it's fine.
But he can take a joke, though, can he? Yeah, course.
Would he think this was funny? God, yeah.
Hilarious.
- A frozen soccer shoe.
- Yeah, go on.
Wait! Oh! - Are you going to get that? - Yeah! Oh, God, now I've got to answer the door! - Do you want me to answer it? - Yes, please.
Oh! Thank you.
- Em.
- I'm here.
Felt like I was going to pull a whitey for a second! What's "Space Pilgrim"? Oh, it's this, um It's this really big budget sci-fi film.
The soundtrack's going to be actual space sounds.
- Wow.
- I know.
It's a first-time director.
He used to be a chef.
He's Belgian.
Oh, God.
Does it sound terrible? - Hang on.
First-time director? - Yeah.
So why do we need Harvey Weinstein to find us a director? - We can be first-time directors.
- Yeah.
We'd have to do some ring binders, - one each, - Yeah.
and the.
.
and the Thermoses, you know, with the lids.
We don't need two ring binders.
That's extravagant.
You just have one, then you'd be directing and the other one would be drinking and you take turns.
It would be really easy.
Yeah! If they're letting this Belgian dude direct a $16 million film, then why can't we direct our own play? - I know.
That's what I'm saying.
- All we need is a producer who's really into us who who can find us a theatre.
Dolly - Oh! - Yes! Yes! Oh, I can't take his black V-neck T-shirts.
I love it.
I love the idea! - How much has Em told you about it? - Very little, but I do.
I love the idea.
I think it's amazing that you two are back together again, working together as equals.
It's awesome.
Come on! Who's going to be able to resist you? Harvey Weinstein found it remarkably easy to resist us.
What's Harvey Weinstein ever done? Wow! So classy! So quiet! I like the colour of the seats.
- Go on, say something.
- Er, okay.
- On stage.
- Um, all right.
Er Um I will wash your heart as clean as a sound sheep's liver that there will be not one spot of blood in it.
I would not be cured, youth.
- Ooh! A-levels! - Ooh! Not just a pretty face.
Wither hast thou cometh from, my liege? I travelled we travelled o'er hill and o'er valley to tell you that all the chickens are dead.
- Quite, quite dead? All the chickens? - All the chickens.
All my pretty chickens.
- All the pretty chickens.
- Ladies and your chickens, this is the artistic director of this theatre.
- Hello, ladies.
- Hello.
Dolly.
- Er, this is Dolly and Emma.
- Dolly, nice to meet you.
Baryshnikov.
How are you? - Emily.
Nice meeting you.
- Wow! Hi! Nice to meet you.
Well, my godson's crazy about your work.
- Oh - Ah - Try reading it - It's true.
Crazy.
And, I hope this time he's right.
So do we! Yeah, well, what do you think? - It's breathtaking.
- It's beautiful.
Well, it's all yours.
That's - Wow! - Thank you.
Don't expect Christmas present from me this year.
Definitely not! - Thanks.
Thank you - You speak Russian? - Yes, I speak Russia a little.
- Good! Where did you learn? - I studied at Oxford, in university.
Yeah.
- Oxford! - Yeah, and later in Moscow.
- Moscow! - Yes.
Yes! - Oxford, Moscow, New York! - You speak really good.
- Yes? Well, no.
I forgot.
I forgot everything.
No, you have a good accent.
Thanks! Em! Do you know where my shoe is? No, I don't feel tired at all.
God, we've had such an amazing day.
New York is so exciting, Mum.
Guess who I just met.
- Clint Eastwood? - No.
- Dustin Hoffman? - No! I just met Mikhail Baryshnikov! - Oh, wonderful.
- I know.
He's putting on our play at his theatre.
It's a-a theatre for original material.
It's very sweet of Em to give you something to do out there.
Is it costing her a lot of money? Isn't she busy with her films? Mum, Em's not paying for it.
Baryshnikov really like the idea.
It was really exciting meeting him.
It made us feel like proper playwrights and it made coming all the way here make sense.
The best thing about you leaving was how well I'm - getting on with your sister.
- Noah: Where is it? She's really blossoming since you went to America.
I only just got here, Mum.
Don't be silly.
You never saw the point of children, did you? I wasn't even talking about children.
Anyway, I've got to go.
I'll ring you back later.
- I love you.
- Noah: I'm so over this.
Bye.
If I'm late, they're not going to use me! Fucking jinxed.
Where the hell is it? I-I just can't believe this! Fucking put them there.
I have a fucking place for it! Em! April! Do you know where my shoe is? It's the only time I get to play and I can't find it! I-I mean, what the hell! Night, my boy.
- Noah: I can't believe it! - Night.
If Daddy asks about his soccer shoe, could you just say you were in a silly mood and put it in the freezer? What? Could you tell Dad you put his soccer shoe in the freezer? - Mum, are you sleep talking? - No! I would never put a soccer shoe in the freezer.
That would be disgusting.
No, of course you wouldn't, but could you just tell him you did? You can watch before school.
- How many episodes? -Um, three.
- That's not fair! - Shush! Shush! Guys, shush! OK, the main thing is I just wanted to tuck you both in and tell you how much I love you, OK? You rock my world, both you guys.
I love you so much.
- Sleep tight.
I love you, guys.
- Mum, stop being so insecure.
- I'm not! Just telling you how - I feel! Yeah, so we say it back.
That is not fair.
Just go to bed.
OK, God! - Do you love me, April? - Mum! Why is my shoe in the freezer? Aw! working with Dolly, you guys.
It's just like getting to write with her is and, then, you know, having the opportunity to perform it all at the end of it's just I mean, it's terrifying but it's it's a dream come true in my life.
Yeah, I did.
I read Space Pilgrim.
Yeah, I thought it was kind of interesting.
Don't worry about it.
I never get the part in those kind of films.
You know that.
What? He's asked for me? Really? Wow.
Yeah, but that wouldn't work with the play, with the dates.
I-I wouldn't be able to be in the play if I got that.
No, no, I know that.
No, of course, I get it.
No.
But.
I know.
No.
It would be huge.
I'm so grateful, you guys.
That's awesome.
Um, yes, I mean I wo-would be really excited about it.
Our play is going to rock New York.
I feel ready good about this.
Yeah, I feel really good about this.
But now, so why aren't you two playing the parts? I mean, it's our vision.
How hard can directing be anyway? - Quite hard, I'd imagine.
- Can you do English accents? - Ah, I was doing one.
- Oh, no.
Of course you were! It was amazing.
American women are more confident about having what they want.
Loads of my girlfriends here have had same-sex relationships, for example.
Are they a nightmare? Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! I thought you were Em.
- How long have you two been together? - Oh, no, we're not together.
- But we're so open to that.
Yeah.
- No judgment about anything like that.
Shall I get the pudding?