Dollface (2019) s02e01 Episode Script

1 - I don't love you anymore.
- I don't really know what to do now.
Go back to hanging out with other women.
What? You never seen an old cat lady before? There seems to be a hold on your account as a woman.
- Are you saying I don't have any - Friends.
- No, I have friends.
- Oh my god! Jeremy broke up with you! What? That's crazy.
I'm here to see you It's been a minute, babe.
In college, I always got the impression - that I made you feel uncomfortable.
- Tzatziki! I really appreciate you taking the time to meet with me, Ms.
Oslow.
Oh, please.
Call me Celeste.
Hey, Alison.
Alison B.
- Other Alison B.
- Hey, Jules.
My name isn't Alison.
It's Isadora Grossman-Levine.
Basically, my entire adult life is built on a lie! Look, he's moved on.
So should you.
I mean, I have been texting a little bit with that guy Wes.
Ooh, I don't want you to kiss me.
It would be the beginning of something I'm not ready for.
I'm dating someone.
Everyone, this is Colin.
Colin, this is everyone.
I applied to business school.
I think there's a version of settled-down-me I'm interested in meeting.
- I was just thinking about you.
- Wes, can you bring me another towel for my hair? Colin is married.
Divorced, practically.
I'd be lying if I said that WoÃm hadn't gotten in the way of my marriage.
- Someone talking about me? - Colin's married to Celeste.
What is wrong with you? I heard back from Penn, and I'm moving to Philadelphia in the fall.
Look, Jules, our friendship is far from perfect, but it's worth it to me.
Colin, this is Madison Maxwell.
She's quite the rising PR star.
Hey! Fuck! You! I have no clue if I still have a job or an income, but I'm glad I have you guys.
It's quarantine day one.
I'm here with my best friend because she has toilet paper.
Turns out Ramona's wedding last weekend was something called a "super-spreader" event.
What should we do? Just watch TV until this thing is over? Hi guys, this is me here in Philly, just freezin' my tits off.
Those are all my books.
I've learned how to become a businesswoman so I can work from home for the rest of my life.
Miss you all so much.
- Well, we're still here.
- What are we even watching? It doesn't matter.
I feel genuine sexual attraction to the Moroccan tile in that pool.
I just applaud the twins' commitment to exclusively sell luxury real estate in 17-inch heels.
Shut the fuck up.
We went to college with her.
Delaney.
Freshman year.
She was in our dorm.
Oh, I remember.
She gave our RA shingles.
How did she get $5 million? "Designer decal brand"? She got rich from stickers?! And how the hell does she have a husband and a baby? What was she, a child bride? We're almost 30.
I think the child bride window closed a while ago.
- Fuck.
- I just think it's stupid to make such a big deal out of a birthday.
You go to bed on Tuesday 29, you wake up on Wednesday 30.
Nothing else is different.
Well, I just think there's value to acknowledging a milestone and checking in with yourself about the place you're at in life.
Well, there's no value if it makes you upset.
I don't get why you let this stress you out.
I don't get why you don't let it stress you out! I mean, we spent the last part of our official youth stuck inside.
Not moving up at work, not meeting new guys.
Just here, watering house plants.
You have too many plants! Look, you're allowed to be upset.
You got cheated on, you got furloughed.
But, you're going back to work this week, and you will be crushing it again in no time.
Unlike me who is getting fired the minute Celeste gets back in town.
You don't know that for sure.
Her email said, "See me in my office before the staff meeting.
" That's the boss version of, "We need to talk.
" Okay, you're getting fired.
But, you know, it might be for the best.
It's not like you love working there.
You know, maybe it'll help you find a place you're more excited about.
Right now, the only place I'm excited about is the airport to pick up Stella.
Is Izzy coming? Hi, guys.
- Hi, Liam.
- Hi, Liam.
Jumping in the shower, babe.
I guess what Bad Gal Riri said all those years ago was true.
You can find love in a hopeless place, even if that place is a Zoom networking mixer.
I'm running late, for obvious reasons - Can you grab me a towel, babe? - Oh, Jesus! Whoa! Dick in the frame! Flight DF201 from Philadelphia - has been delayed.
- Oh shit.
Stella's flight's delayed.
Aren't delayed flights what Wetzel's Pretzels' entire empire is built on? So, you know how we're both turning 30 and are nowhere near the places we thought we'd be in our lives? Yes, I recall the tears and panic from 20 minutes ago.
Well, I don't wanna be nowhere when we turn 30.
I wanna be somewhere Like Greece! - Greece? - Yeah! Celebrating with my best friend! White buildings, blue ocean, a beach in Santorini.
Okay, I would just like to reiterate my desire not to make a huge deal out of my birthday.
But, I guess I could picture us on a beach.
Right? This could be exactly what we need.
Let's go talk to the travel lady.
Hiya, kittens! And here we go again.
We're hoping you can help us book some upcoming travel.
You betcha, I can! Right this way.
Come on! Come along! Come along! Business class boarding on flight 723 to becoming your mother will begin in 10 minutes.
Where are they all going? All sorts of places.
Settling down in the suburbs, layovers to divorce There's a direct route to actual fulfillment, but, darnedest thing, there are never any seats on that one! Come on! They're all taking flights to their future! Just like you two have to do.
Well, we just wanna stay together.
You won't be able to figure out where you're meant to go if you worry about that too much, kitten! What do you mean? That makes no sense with that friendship stuff you told me to do a year ago.
Are you saying being a woman means you're constantly faced with unfair contradictions about the way you act? I'm serious! What happened to the whole, "My relationships with women have to be sacred" thing? Well, maybe one of those women is supposed to be you.
Shoo! Shoo! Get out! Get out! Get out! Safe travels, girls! Good luck figuring out where you wanna go, Dollface! Yeehaw! Madison? Jules Wiley, where the fuck are you going? - Hey! - Hey! You okay? Yeah, I just thought I lost you for a second.
I was just getting us a brochure for Greece.
I'm here! She's here! I knew you losers would make a sign.
- Woo! - Easy! I am borderline not processing how happy I am that we are all back together.
Does it feel good to be home, Stel? You have no idea.
I mean, the small talk I had to make with my weed dealer was getting really annoying.
So, that's what you miss most about LA? Legalized marijuana? No.
Obviously, I missed you guys, but it was like, please, just let me purchase drugs in broad daylight from a store with my AirPods on.
As should be my right.
Are all these boxes mine? Uh, some of them are my random storage stuff from high school and college.
So, besides being happy to be near a MedMen, are you excited for your fancy finance internship? I still can't believe I got it.
My entire class applied to work for this bank.
How long until you accept your inevitable future of being a beautiful billionaire genius? Ready? Okay! Very triggering that that fits you.
Our girl is back, she's come on home, without my Stel, I felt alone.
I mean, we were here the whole time.
Working at a bank, managing wealth, leave me again, and I'll kill my self! Really felt certain she was gonna take it too far, and she did.
Uh, I get that you missed me, Iz, but we talked every day.
I mean, I still haven't met Liam, and yet I've seen his dick twice on Zoom.
You guys are finally gonna get to meet him in person because he's being honored at the LA Reporter 30 Under 30 party, and I want us all to go.
It's gonna be Roaring '20s-themed! I remember when I thought I was gonna be on that last.
Before I failed to accomplish literally all of my life goals.
My sensitive baby angel.
Can we not backslide into the sadness from this morning, please? Because, again, 30 doesn't have to be a big deal! And also, that is not true.
It is.
And I have proof.
Holy shit, are those our vision boards? I forgot the very specific brand of earnest you were senior year of college.
See? My dream house in Bronson Canyon, a Vera Wang wedding gown, pictures of all the actors who thank their publicist in major award acceptance speeches, the 30 Under 30 list.
I actually went to most of these festivals.
Jules, what's on your board? I-I don't think I took the activity very seriously.
I just think doing stuff like this is kinda dumb.
Stuff like deciding what you want out of life? No, I know what I want out of life.
You do? It's obvious! To be a poorly drawn penis! Wow.
They are really serious about the start paperwork at this place.
Last time I did this much on-boarding was at yacht week.
Did you fill out a W2 for that? Isn't it in Europe? Oh, no.
It-it was a joke, like how you board a yacht.
Oh.
Uh, never mind.
Do you know why we're here? Because I'm fired.
Why would you be fired? Because of the time I blew up your marriage at a wedding over a sound system? - Yes, I remember.
- Okay.
Just making sure.
Switch seats with me.
- What? - Up.
Let's go.
O kay.
Ooh.
You're in charge of the meeting now, so begin.
Uh, I'm gonna need some additional context on, uh, what the hell is happening here.
I realized, as I sat alone for a year, with the exception of a few hookups with younger men, that I'm no longer a wife.
I'm not a mother, and, yes, I have perfect skin and I'm wildly successful, but what is my legacy? That sounded pretty good.
The Alisons were my two right hands.
I molded them.
And now, they've gone off and started their own company in direct competition with me.
And I'm proud in a way that often feels like quiet rage.
So if you stay, I will mentor you, and I will mold you, and you will be my new right hand.
But you have to want it.
You can be promoted, you can be fired, resign.
It's all up to you.
This feels like a very Mr.
Miyagi "wax on, wax off" moment.
No.
The only wax I'm getting is a Brazilian, and it's at 4:00, so if we could speed this up.
Great! Well, meeting adjourned.
Thanks for coming.
Oh, and Jules? If you decide to leave, or you have any other uncomfortable news that you wish to share with me in the future, don't announce it into a fucking mic, okay? Ooh.
E-extremely fair.
Yep.
Hm.
Neh! - What's going on? - They're firing everybody.
Fuck this year.
I am so sorry.
Well, I never liked them anyway.
You were always way out of their league.
And when that large Los Angeles-based PR firm gets drunk at 2 AM and texts you, you will not be around.
I agree with Izzy.
Minus the metaphor that makes absolutely no sense.
You will find something better.
Well, I guess we're in the same boat now, Jules.
And it has a deep hole in it.
Well Wait, did you not get fired? I'm not sure.
It's still not decided 'cause she decided the decision is up to me.
Either I leave, or she promotes me to be her right hand.
I mean, I promote myself.
It's a whole thing.
Uh Hold on! You have the option to promote yourself, and you don't know what you're gonna do? It's a lot of pressure to suddenly be the boss of a job you thought you lost, that you don't even know if you want! I don't wanna talk about this.
No, wait, we need to talk about this! While we yell at Jules, Madison, maybe you should start getting ready 'cause, love you, but you are not fast with a curling iron.
You know what? I'm not fast with a curling iron.
I suck at hair.
I suck at everything! You guys should just go without me.
You all look cute, and I don't wanna face people.
Honestly, I know I should be there to support Liam, but I might be in favor of staying home, too.
We haven't been out in public together yet, and I'm worried he's too handsome.
Like, what if people see me and think I'm a middle school girl who won a date with a pop star on a radio contest? Okay, first of all, no, you won't.
But, to be honest, my internship is bumming me out, and I feel like I have bank stank.
- Maybe we do bail.
- Okay, no! Everyone has been on my shit nonstop about what I wanna do with my damn life, so I'm officially making a decision.
I want to get very, very drunk at this party with all of you! Do you know how often you three have insisted that going to a party is the answer to all my problems? We're doing that tonight! Very hard.
I mean, but don't you think a party designed to celebrate a bunch of people my age who are way more successful than me might just end up making me feel worse? That's what the open bar is for, right, Stella? - Fucking love party Jules.
- Open bar! Open bar! Open bar! Open bar! Open bar! Bring me my iron! A Roaring '20s party to honor people in their 20s for being 30 under 30 in the actual 2020s.
I do love a well-executed theme.
Other than basically no one having any rights, the past seemed fun.
Ooh! There's the absinthe bar? Fine, I'll drink it even if it wiped out an entire generation.
I think I just spotted the non-naked part of Izzy's boyfriend.
Liam! Wow, you look amazing, baby! Oh my god! Shut up! Stop.
I mean, don't.
Okay, Liam, I'm so excited to officially, in person, introduce you to Jules, Madison, and, of course, the famous Stella.
I've heard so much about you guys.
And when I say "so much," I mean a truly long list of personal details you probably didn't want shared.
Oh hey, I got some drink tickets here for you ladies.
- Tickets? We were told open bar.
- Yeah, they're doing this Prohibition shtick where you redeem a ticket for a drink from the bar and back.
Congrats on making the list, by the way.
- Thanks.
- Liam basically runs Saq, which is like the male version of WoÃm.
He's insanely impressive.
Oh, come on.
You are the only 4-under-30 I care about impressing tonight.
But, while you guys grab drinks, there are a few work people I would love to introduce you to.
Shmoop? We're mingling.
We're mingling.
We're in public, and we're mingling.
Bar? - Bar.
- Yeah.
Well, this is a small nightmare.
And it's about to be a large one.
Delaney.
Ugh, I saw her on TV the other day.
Oh.
My.
God! Look who it is! I haven't seen you girls in years! Delaney! Hey, girl! Oh! Wow! So are you being featured on the list? Oh, no.
I was on the list when I was 26.
They just hired my brand to make some custom decals for the event.
Wow.
These are so capitalized! I feel like they're yelling at me! Inspirational posters are out.
Motivational stickers are in.
They are huge on Etsy right now.
Oh, I saw you on Buying Bel Air! Oh! Hi Run.
Give me your tickets and save yourselves.
I'll find you with drinks if this conversation doesn't kill me.
We can't let you do this.
Madison, you're not gonna make it.
Jules, you're a goddamn hero.
Oh no! Where did the girls go? I was so excited to catch up.
Oh! Um, they both had to pee.
You know, UTIs.
You do everything right, and yet still pee city.
So, what's new with you? Any big plans coming up? Fun stuff at work Feel free to sit.
- I'll give you a reading.
- Ooh.
This is exciting.
It's a three-card reading for insight into your past, present, and future.
Great.
Hit me! The Devil the Nightmare and Death.
Hit me again.
I hate having my picture taken.
Oh my god, he's so hot.
- And, like, modest? - Oh, he's, like, modest hot.
So, how did you guys meet? Oh, we met late in the pandemic.
Yeah.
Our first real date was actually paddle boating in separate paddle boats.
It was still cute though.
Oh, got it.
That makes more sense.
Uh, what makes more sense? You know, just how hard times can, like, really bond people.
Totally.
Even people you wouldn't normally expect to get together.
For sure.
Right.
Totally.
Uh, sorry.
I think just recognized my old rabbi.
Rabbi Shmuley! Oh! God, no! No, no.
Jeremy and I haven't been together for a while.
He broke up with me.
Which is fine because I don't think I really loved him.
Who knows if I've ever been in love with anyone? Put that on a sticker, right? Man, this line is just not moving, huh? Uh, so what about work? Where are you again? I'm still at WoÃm, trying to decide if I'm gonna make a move in either an up or out direction.
Well, that's an exciting brand! I bet if you keep getting promoted, you will be on this list in no time.
Oh, well, I'm, uh, crossing the 30 threshold in a couple months, - so probably not.
- Oh my god! That's right.
My husband wants to surprise me for mine.
Classic, right? I would not know at all.
What a huge year for us.
What are you I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to stop you here.
I would make up an excuse about also having a UTI, but the truth is, genuinely, I just can't have this conversation anymore.
I mean, you are talking about everything I came to this party to not talk about, so, respectfully, I'm just gonna walk away now.
Great unexpectedly running into you though! Definitely the thing I miss most about large-scale social gatherings.
Must find alcohol.
You! Hi! I work for the party planner people.
Uh, could you remind me where they keep the backup alcohol? Should be more bottles in the storeroom upstairs.
Bingo! Where are you, alcohol? Come on, really? What is this, another metaphor? I get it, universe.
My life is one big empty nothing! Can I please, please just have a drink now? Oh shit.
Okay, what? Delaney! Is this really happening? Can you see me right now? Yeah.
We all do.
Ladies and gentlemen and honorees, please welcome our Roaring '20s entertainment for the evening, the 30 Under 30 Showgirl Follies! Oh god, oh god, oh my god, oh my god Um Hi, excuse me! Okay Excuse me! There's, uh, there's been an ill-timed mistake! Pardon me.
Yep.
Okay Oh.
You're this way? Um Just let me Just let me pick a lane! Oh Oh We all want the same thing, and it's me not up here! This bar is supposed to be open! Prohibit that! Excuse me! Just one more time.
Hit me.
See if we can't turn mama's luck around.
Jesus, Madison, she's not a blackjack dealer, okay? You're freaking out the fortune teller.
She said she learned how to read tarot on TikTok.
- We should move on.
- Just accept what's in the cards - I can't! - There you are.
Bottoms up.
I did not get ice.
Ew! Oh, I think mine is just straight olive juice.
Mm.
Take mine.
It's whiskey.
I thought I was having a bad night.
Are you gonna be okay, Jules? I don't know what I'm gonna be.
I'm gonna be drunk in about six minutes, I can tell you that much.
Wait! I should just let this lady here tell me what I'm gonna be, huh? Since everyone here is so interested to know.
Ha! What is it? It's blank! Well, that's weird.
No, it's not.
It's my future.
I get it.
Bullshit.
- What? It doesn't matter! - You know, I am tired of this.
It does matter.
It has to.
Look, even when it hurts because it does.
And-and maybe to me, this one birthday matters too much.
But, if you feel like nothing matters at all, then that's how your life is gonna be.
And if you want your life to mean something, then you're gonna have to start to care.
- I care about you guys.
- Look, I know, but you have to care about you.
We can't do that for you.
Are you calling an Uber? She's calling an Uber! Look, I'm sorry if I was too harsh.
I-I'm dealing with my own stuff, and I was just trying to help.
Look, please don't leave alone.
I was emailing Celeste.
I told her I wanna take the promotion.
Well, shit.
That's amazing! I'm worried for, you know, typos that might be in there right now, but still very cool.
You really did? - Yeah.
I guess I should start putting something on my vision board besides dicks.
Oh, I figured it out.
That's just the card that comes in the back of the pack.
Should we get the fuck out of here? I don't know how much longer I can be at this specific party.
- Agreed.
- Strongly agree.
I know where we should go.