Doug (1991) s02e01 Episode Script
Doug Takes the Case/Doug's Secret Song
( yelps )
( barks )
( electric guitar playing )
( man singing scat )
( barks )
COOL! WHOA!
( thwack )
( barks )
Doug:
THURSDAY MORNING I GOT A CALL
TO CHECK OUT A PROBLEM
AT THE BLUFFINGTON SCHOOL.
THE TROUBLE STARTED
WHEN BEEBE BLUFF BROUGHT
HER DAD'S EXPENSIVE RADIO
TO SCHOOL.
BY 4:00, IT WAS GONE, SEE.
( gasps )
IT WAS A JOB FOR
THE CHAMELEON.
( footsteps )
( hinge creaks )
( barks )
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
( barks )
( yelps )
IT'S NOT THE RADIO;
IT'S THE PRINCIPLE.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
A CHROMO NEATO 5000 COSTS?
OF COURSE, NOTHING'S
TOO EXPENSIVE
FOR MY LITTLE
SUGAR PUMPKIN.
BUT REALLY!
ROBBED DURING SHOW-AND-TELL.
DADDY, PLEASE.
WE DON'T HAVE SHOW-AND-TELL.
WE'RE NOT BABIES.
NOW, MR. BLUFF,
I KNOW
YOU NEED THA
RADIO BACK
NEED? I DON'
NEED ANYTHING.
I'M RICH.
I CAN BUY MORE.
BUT IT'S THE PRINCIPLE
OF THE THING.
MR. BLUFF,
I'LL HANDLE THIS.
ALL RIGHT, YOU HOODLUMS
GET THIS,
AND GET THIS STRAIGHT.
IF THAT RADIO ISN'T BACK HERE
BY 1600 HOURS TODAY
WE'LL ALL STAY
IN DETENTION
AFTER SCHOOL.
THERE YOU GO.
DOUG, THIS IS TERRIBLE!
I HAVE BEETBALL PRACTICE
THIS AFTERNOON.
I CAN'T MISS IT.
OH, DON'T WORRY, PATTI.
I'M SURE WHOEVER TOOK
THE RADIO WILL RETURN IT.
I HOPE SO.
I HATED TO SEE
THIS KID'S HEART BROKEN
BY SOME SMALL-TIME HOOD.
LUCKILY, SHE'D TURNED TO ME,
THE CHAMELEON
MASTER OF DISGUISE,
FEARED BY CRIMINALS EVERYWHERE.
I DECIDED TO FIND OU
WHO TOOK BEEBE'S RADIO.
IN FACT, I ALREADY HAD AN IDEA
WHO MIGHT HAVE TAKEN IT.
FREEZE, PUNK.
AH! CHAMELEON!
GOTCHA.
GREAT, NOW YOU LOSERS
CAN KEEP ME COMPANY
IN DETENTION THIS AFTERNOON.
ROGER KLOTZ, SMALL-TIME PEST,
BIG-TIME RAT
ALREADY DUE FOR
A LONG DETENTION, SEE?
AND AT THE MOMENT,
MY NUMBER ONE SUSPECT.
I DECIDED TO ASK AROUND.
HOW COULD ROGER
HAVE DONE IT, DOUG?
WELL, MOSQUITO, AFTER A WHILE
YOU START TO UNDERSTAND
THE CRIMINAL MIND.
NO, HOW COULD HE HAVE DONE I
FROM THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE?
REMEMBER?
HE WAS IN THE OFFICE
YESTERDAY, ALL DAY.
SKEETER WAS RIGHT.
YESTERDAY KLOTZ WAS HAULED IN
ON A WATER-BALLOON RAP.
THIS CASE WOULD BE TOUGHER
TO CRACK THAN I THOUGHT.
I DECIDED
TO CHECK BEEBE'S STORY.
OH, IT'S TOO EMBARRASSING.
DADDY JUST OVERREACTED,
THAT'S ALL.
DO ME A FAVOR, DOUG,
AND FORGET ABOUT IT.
WHOEVER DID I
WILL TURN IT IN.
BUT WHAT HAPPENS IF WE ALL
HAVE TO STAY IN DETENTION?
WELL, THERE ARE
WORSE THINGS, YOU KNOW
LIKE A BAD HAIRCUT,
FOR INSTANCE.
THAT MAY HAVE BEEN
GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER
BUT MY LITTLE LADY WOULD
MISS HER BEETBALL PRACTICE
IF I DIDN'T CRACK THIS CASE.
OH, BEEBE, I AM SORRY
TO BOTHER YOU
BUT MY MEMORY'S A LITTLE RUSTY.
WHO SITS BEHIND YOU IN CLASS?
BOOMER, OF COURSE.
THAT WAS IT.
UNKNOWINGLY, SHE'D JUST GIVEN ME
THE INFORMATION
I WAS LOOKING FOR.
BOOMER BLEDSOE, LONG ON TALK,
SHORT ON BRAINS--
COULD HE HAVE TAKEN BEEBE'S
RADIO WITHOUT HER NOTICING?
I DECIDED I'D LET HIM LEAD ME
TO BEEBE'S RADIO, SEE?
( squeaking )
THIS WAS IT.
I WAS CERTAIN OF IT.
DOUG?
OH HEY, BOOMER.
HEY, MAN, IF YOU'RE FOLLOWING
ME, CAN YOU HELP ME CARRY STUFF?
HE WAS EITHER VERY CRAFTY
OR VERY STUPID.
I DECIDED TO PLAY ALONG.
SURE, BOOMER.
THAT'S WHEN I GO
MY FIRST BREAK.
WAIT A MINUTE!
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, DOUG?
IT'S PART OF BEEBE'S RADIO.
WHOEVER STOLE I
MUST HAVE BROKEN
THIS PIECE OFF.
IF I COULD FIND OU
WHOSE LOCKER THIS CAME FROM
I COULD CALL
THIS CASE CLOSED, SEE?
BOOMER, WHO HAS LOCKER 164?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S NEXT TO SKEETER'S, THOUGH.
HE'LL KNOW.
HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?
THE LAST TIME
I SAW HIM
HE WAS IN
THE METAL SHOP.
HERE YOU GO.
THIS SKEETER CHARACTER
WAS ONE GOOD EGG.
MAYBE HE COULD GIVE ME A LEAD
AS TO WHO STOLE BEEBE'S RADIO.
HUH?
OH, NO! IT WAS SKEETER.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
MY BEST FRIEND
STOLE BEEBE'S RADIO.
WOULD HE REALLY TRY
AND GET AWAY WITH IT?
AND WHAT WOULD I DO?
I NEED A TICKET.
TO WHERE, YOUNG MAN?
WELL, HOW FAR CAN I GET ON THIS?
ELM STREET.
I'LL TAKE IT.
"RESERVED FOR SKEETER."
OH, WOW!
WHOA!
A LEISURE TRIP,
MOSQUITO?
CHAMELEON!
WAIT, I CAN EXPLAIN.
I CAN.
YEAH, TELL I
TO THE JUDGE, PAL.
YOU CAN'T DO IT, MAN.
YOU CAN'T TURN IN
YOUR BEST FRIEND.
IT'S A RULE.
OH, NO, PLEASE,
CHAMELEON, NO
BUT COULD I REALLY
TURN IN SKEETER?
I WAITED OUTSIDE OF CLASS.
HEY, DOUG.
OH, SKEETER
MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME.
I HAVE THIS FRIEND.
HIS BEST FRIEND DID
SOMETHING THAT COULD GE
ANOTHER PERSON IN TROUBLE.
DOUG, IS THIS
A MATH PROBLEM?
I'M TERRIBLE IN MATH.
NO, I'M JUST ASKING.
WHAT SHOULD THA
FIRST PERSON DO?
I THINK
THE ANSWER'S FIVE
BUT COULD YOU
REPEAT THE QUESTION?
WHOA, TIME FOR CLASS.
OH, HE WAS ONE
SLIPPERY EEL, ALL RIGHT
BUT WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO?
TIME WAS RUNNING OUT.
IF I DIDN'T TURN SKEETER IN, SEE
EVERYONE WOULD SIT IN DETENTION
AND PATTI MAYONNAISE
WOULD MISS PRACTICE.
NOW, CLASS, WE'LL
GIVE THE PERSON
WHO TOOK
BEEBE'S RADIO
ONE LAST CHANCE
TO RETURN IT.
I'LL TURN OFF THE LIGHTS
AND WHOEVER TOOK THE RADIO
CAN PUT IT ON MY DESK
AND NOBODY WILL KNOW
WHO TOOK IT.
ALL RIGHT,
HERE WE GO.
I LISTENED FOR SKEETER
TO MAKE HIS MOVE
BUT HE WASN'T BUDGING.
I TOOK MATTERS
INTO MY OWN HANDS.
ROGER
OOPS! SORRY, MRS. WINGO.
GUESS MY FINGER GRAZED
THE LIGHT SWITCH.
WELL, LOOKEE HERE.
IT'S FUNNIE.
Patti:
DOUG!
THIS WAS IT.
SHOULD I SQUEAL ON SKEETER,
OR TAKE THE RAP FOR HIM?
DOUG DIDN'T TAKE
MY RADIO, MRS. WINGO.
WHAT?
SKEETER HAD MY RADIO.
THEN IT WAS SKEETER
WHO TOOK IT?
NO, IT FELL OUT OF MY LOCKER
AND SKEETER WAS TRYING
TO FIX IT FOR ME.
OH, I GET IT.
SO WHEN YOUR FATHER
ASKED WHERE IT WAS
I KNEW HE'D FREAK OU
SO I TOLD HIM
SOMEBODY TOOK IT.
I NEVER THOUGH
IT WOULD BLOW UP
INTO SUCH A BIG DEAL.
I'M SORRY.
I PANICKED.
WELL, WE'RE
ALL GLAD
THAT'S OVER WITH,
BEEBE.
YOU CAN ALL GO, NOW.
All:
LET'S GO.
TOO BAD, FUNNIE.
I ALMOST ASKED YOU
TO JOIN MY GANG.
OH, NO, MR. KLOTZ.
THERE'S STILL
THE LITTLE MATTER
OF THE STINKY CHEESE
ON THE RADIATOR.
CASE CLOSED.
CHALK UP ANOTHER ONE
FOR THE CHAMELEON.
I WANTED
TO TELL YOU, MAN
BUT BEEBE
MADE ME PROMISE.
OH, THAT'S
OKAY, SKEET.
I'M SORRY
I SUSPECTED YOU.
( metal clanking )
SAY, DO YOU
GET THE FEELING
WE'RE BEING FOLLOWED?
I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU
THE SAME THING.
THINGS WERE BACK TO NORMAL,
BUT CRIMINALS BEWARE:
THAT INNOCENT-LOOKING CHAIR,
THAT KINDLY GRANDFATHER CLOCK
COULD BE THE CHAMELEON.
I'M NOT MUCH OF A SONGWRITER
BUT WHEN I'M THINKING
ABOUT PATTI
WELL, SOMETIMES
A SONG JUST COMES OUT
LIKE THIS ONE
I WAS WORKING ON TODAY.
PATTI, YOU'RE THE PICKLE
ON THE COLESLAW
PATTI, YOU'RE
THE SUGAR IN MY TEA
PATTI, YOU'RE
THE RELISH ON MY HOT DOG
AND PATTI, YOU'RE
THE MAYONNAISE FOR ME
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA
I'D WORKED ON IT FOR HOURS.
IT WAS MY SECRET SONG.
WELL, NO ONE WOULD
EVER HEAR IT BUT ME.
HEY, GREAT TUNE,
DOUG.
SKEETER!
LOVE THE
" WHOA, WHOA, WHOA
" WHOA, WHOA, WHOA
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. "
( footsteps )
( hinge creaks )
( barks )
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
( barks )
( yelps )
SKEETER, DON'
TELL ANYBODY
I WROTE A SONG
ABOUT PATTI.
HEY, MAN, RELAX.
WHO WOULD I TELL?
WELL, PATTI
OR BEEBE OR CHALKY
OR CONNIE OR ROGER
AND HIS GANG
OKAY, I GET THE IDEA.
PATTI, YOU'RE THE
PICKLE ON MY COLESLAW
PATTI, YOU'RE THE
SKEETER!
Mr. Dink:
OH, OH, OH, OH.
WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S MR. DINK.
SOUNDS LIKE HE'S HURT.
TENDERLY
INTO YOUR ARMS I FALL
TENDERLY
IT'S A VIDEO.
I MADE IT THIS AFTERNOON.
DO YOU LIKE IT?
LIKE IT? WE THOUGH
YOU WERE DYING.
WHAT'S THAT, MOSQUITO?
HE SAID WE WERE DYING TO
HEAR YOUR SONG, MR. DINK.
RIGHT THE FIRS
TIME, BOYS.
THERE'S A NEW STORE AT THE MALL
WHERE YOU MAKE MUSIC VIDEOS.
IT'S THE LATEST THING
IN VIDEO TECHNO-FUN.
AND TO MY SURPRISE,
IT'S VERY INEXPENSIVE.
HEY, DOUG, WHY
DON'T YOU DO A VIDEO?
ME?
Mr. Dink:
SURE.
YOU CAN SING
YOUR OWN SONGS.
WHO KNOWS, DOUGLAS?
THIS COULD BE
YOUR BIG BREAK.
BIG BREAK?
( rap music )
YO, YO, YO, WHAT'S UP?
DOUG'S MY NAME,
AND COOL'S MY GAME
IF YOU LIKE MY STYLE,
AND WANNA TALK A WHILE
JUST CALL ME.
DOUG, DOUG, DOUG.
THAT'S MY NAME.
IF YOU TRY TO RING
AND CAN'T GET THROUGH
DON'T GIVE UP,
'CAUSE I NEED YOU
TO TELL ME THOSE THINGS
I WANNA HEAR
I NEED A HOMEGIRL
WHISPERING IN MY EAR.
DOUG
DOUG
DOUG
YO, "MR. D." TO YOU.
DOUGIE D.
GOTTA GO.
DON'T GO.
DOUG, DOUG, DOUG, DOUG!
Skeeter:
THIS IS GOING TO BE SO COOL!
YEAH.
WHAT SHOULD I SING?
HOW ABOUT YOUR PATTI SONG?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
LOOK, THERE'S MR. BONE.
WOULDN'T YOU LOVE
TO SEE HIS VIDEO?
( yodeling )
OKAY,
THIS IS IT.
YOU'RE NOT NERVOUS,
ARE YOU, DOUG?
NERVOUS?
IF I WERE YOU
I'D PROBABLY FORGE
MY WORDS OR SOMETHING.
SKEETER, DON'
GIVE ME ANY IDEAS.
SORRY, I TAKE IT BACK.
YOU WON'T GE
THE HICCUPS EITHER.
YOU READY?
HICCUP.
I FORGOT ALL THE
THE WORDS.
THERE I WAS,
UNDER THE GLARING LIGHTS
THE CAMERAS ROLLING,
AND ME WITH THE HICCUPS.
I COULDN'T THINK
OF A SINGLE SONG
EXCEPT
( hiccuping )
PATTI, YOU'RE THE KETCHUP
ON MY HIC-FRIES
PATTI, YOU'RE THE ICE
IN MY HIC
PATTI, YOU'RE THE MUSTARD
ON MY HIC-WICH
OH, PATTI,
YOU'RE THE HIC IN MY COLESLAW
YOU'RE THE SUGAR IN MY TEA
YOU'RE THE RELISH ON MY
OH, GREAT NOW
MY HICCUPS ARE GONE.
YOU NEVER GET HICCUPS
WHEN YOU WANT THEM.
THIS WAS A DISASTER.
I'LL ERASE THIS
WHEN I GET HOME.
IF "YOU KNOW WHO"
EVER FOUND OU
YOU VIDEO-ED
A SONG ABOUT
OW!
HI, PATTI.
HEY, DOUG,
HEY, SKEETER.
HEY, PATTI.
FUNNIE, MAYONNAISE, PICKUP.
BONE, PICKUP.
ISN'T THIS PLACE GREAT?
I'M TAKING MY VIDEO
OVER TO BEEBE'S
UP-ALL-NIGHT PARTY TONIGHT.
YEAH, THAT'S NICE.
WELL, GOTTA RUN.
SEE YOU.
SEE YOU.
MAN, THAT WAS CLOSE.
SORRY I STOMPED
ON YOUR FOOT, SKEETER.
YOU CAN STOMP ON MINE
IF YOU WANT.
COOL, MAN.
I'LL SAVE I
FOR LATER.
HEY, LET'S GO
WATCH YOUR VIDEO.
NO WAY!
FAST FOOD FEELS FUZZY
'CAUSE IT'S MADE
FROM STUFF THAT'S SCUZZY
I ALWAYS THOUGH
I WAS SUCH A NERD
Skeeter:
YOU SURE LOOK DIFFEREN
ON TV, DOUG.
OH, NO!
THEY GAVE ME PATTI'S VIDEO
BY MISTAKE.
THEN WHOSE DID SHE GET?
THIS ISN'T THE WAY
TO PATTI'S HOUSE.
WE'RE NOT GOING
TO PATTI'S.
WE'RE GOING
TO BEEBE'S.
THAT'S RIGHT--
HER UP-ALL-NIGHT PARTY.
IF THEY SEE MY TAPE
IT WILL BE
A "LAUGH-AT-DOUG" PARTY.
( laughing )
PATTI, YOU'RE THE KETCHUP
ON MY HIC-FRIES
PATTI, YOU'RE THE ICE
IN MY HIC
HEY, YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED
TO SEE THIS.
THIS IS MY SECRET SONG.
TURN IT OFF.
OH, NO I'M ON EVERY CHANNEL.
( bell rings )
YES?
HI.
IS PATTI
MAYONNAISE HERE?
THERE? IN THERE?
MISS MAYONNAISE IS ATTENDING
MISS BEEBE'S PARTY.
NO BOYS ALLOWED.
NOW WHAT?
WE'VE GOT TO
SWITCH THE TAPES.
YEAH, BUT HOW?
WHAT IS IT,
PORKCHOP?
COME ON, SKEETER.
PORKCHOP'S GO
AN IDEA.
YOU KNOW
WHAT TO DO
RIGHT, PORKCHOP?
RIGHT.
SNEAK UPSTAIRS
TO BEEBE'S ROOM
AND SWITCH
THE TAPES.
BE CAREFUL
NO ONE SEES YOU,
AND GOOD LUCK.
( takeoff on theme song from
Mission Impossible playing )
( girls laughing )
HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
( screaming )
( howling )
WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S PORKCHOP!
OH, NO!
COME ON, SKEET.
WHAT? CLIMB
THIS THING?
HE MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE.
MAYBE THEY CAUGHT HIM.
THEY MIGHT BE
HOLDING HIM HOSTAGE.
Beebe:
I'LL ASK YOU ONE
MORE TIME, EARTHLING.
WHAT WERE YOU
DOING SNEAKING
INTO MY
UP-ALL-NIGHT PARTY?
HE WON'T SPEAK,
YOUR HIGHNESS.
HIS ALLEGIANCE
IS TO ANOTHER.
SILENCE!
HE KNOWS THE RULES.
NO BOYS ALLOWED.
NOW, THEN, EARTH DOG
PERHAPS THIS WILL
REFRESH YOUR MEMORY.
( cackling )
SKEETER, WE'RE
ALMOST THERE.
WHAT'S
HAPPENING, MAN?
CAN YOU SEE
ANYTHING?
HOW LOW CAN YOU GO,
PORKCHOP?
HOW LOW CAN
YOU GO, PORKCHOP?
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE ME
IF I TOLD YOU.
WAY TO GO, PORKCHOP.
WHAT'S HE DOING?
HE'S SUPPOSED
TO SWITCH THE TAPES.
HEY, PLAY
ANOTHER SONG.
I WANT TO SEE
PORKCHOP DANCE
SOME MORE.
HEY, I KNOW.
HOW ABOUT A VIDEO?
HEY, COME ON,
YOU ALL.
OH, YEAH, GREAT,
PORKCHOP.
NOW YOU REMEMBER.
I HOPE YOU'LL LIKE IT.
I KNOW YOU WILL, PORKCHOP.
OH, NO,
I'M RUINED.
MY LIFE IS OVER.
( beeping )
PORKCHOP, WHA
ARE YOU DOING?
( beeping )
YOU'RE CRAZY, DOG.
DON'T YOU WAN
TO SEE MY VIDEO?
PORKCHOP, YOU'RE
IN THE WAY.
WELL, WE'RE GOING TO SEE I
WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
I CAN'T LOOK.
( whining )
( accordion music playing )
HEY, DOUG!
IS IT OVER?
ARE THEY STILL LAUGHING?
HAS MY LIFE COME TO AN END?
LOOK!
( yodeling )
HUH?
THAT'S MR. BONE,
FROM SCHOOL.
All:
THAT'S AWFUL.
OH, IT'S MR. BONE.
OH, MR. BONE!
MR. BONE!
SKEETER, I THINK
SOMEONE UP THERE
LIKES ME.
YEAH, BUT SOMEONE
DOWN THERE DOESN'T.
YOU BOYS GET OFF OF THERE.
YOU CRAZY
I WAS THINKING.
IF I HAD PATTI'S VIDEO,
AND SHE HAD MR. BONE'S
THAT MEANS
PATTI, YOU'RE THE KETCHUP
ON MY HIC-FRIES
PATTI, YOU'RE THE ICE
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S NOT ME.
THAT'S NOT ME AT ALL.
LAMARR BONE, IS THIS
YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THIS IS SOME MIXUP.
THAT'S NOT ME.
I SWEAR IT'S NOT ME.
THAT'S A FINE HOW-DO-YOU-DO.
PATTI, YOU'RE THE MUSTARD
ON MY SANDWICH
AND PATTI, YOU'RE
THE MAYONNAISE FOR ME
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, PATTI,
YOU'RE THE MAYONNAISE FOR ME.
( barks )
( electric guitar playing )
( man singing scat )
( barks )
COOL! WHOA!
( thwack )
( barks )
Doug:
THURSDAY MORNING I GOT A CALL
TO CHECK OUT A PROBLEM
AT THE BLUFFINGTON SCHOOL.
THE TROUBLE STARTED
WHEN BEEBE BLUFF BROUGHT
HER DAD'S EXPENSIVE RADIO
TO SCHOOL.
BY 4:00, IT WAS GONE, SEE.
( gasps )
IT WAS A JOB FOR
THE CHAMELEON.
( footsteps )
( hinge creaks )
( barks )
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
( barks )
( yelps )
IT'S NOT THE RADIO;
IT'S THE PRINCIPLE.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
A CHROMO NEATO 5000 COSTS?
OF COURSE, NOTHING'S
TOO EXPENSIVE
FOR MY LITTLE
SUGAR PUMPKIN.
BUT REALLY!
ROBBED DURING SHOW-AND-TELL.
DADDY, PLEASE.
WE DON'T HAVE SHOW-AND-TELL.
WE'RE NOT BABIES.
NOW, MR. BLUFF,
I KNOW
YOU NEED THA
RADIO BACK
NEED? I DON'
NEED ANYTHING.
I'M RICH.
I CAN BUY MORE.
BUT IT'S THE PRINCIPLE
OF THE THING.
MR. BLUFF,
I'LL HANDLE THIS.
ALL RIGHT, YOU HOODLUMS
GET THIS,
AND GET THIS STRAIGHT.
IF THAT RADIO ISN'T BACK HERE
BY 1600 HOURS TODAY
WE'LL ALL STAY
IN DETENTION
AFTER SCHOOL.
THERE YOU GO.
DOUG, THIS IS TERRIBLE!
I HAVE BEETBALL PRACTICE
THIS AFTERNOON.
I CAN'T MISS IT.
OH, DON'T WORRY, PATTI.
I'M SURE WHOEVER TOOK
THE RADIO WILL RETURN IT.
I HOPE SO.
I HATED TO SEE
THIS KID'S HEART BROKEN
BY SOME SMALL-TIME HOOD.
LUCKILY, SHE'D TURNED TO ME,
THE CHAMELEON
MASTER OF DISGUISE,
FEARED BY CRIMINALS EVERYWHERE.
I DECIDED TO FIND OU
WHO TOOK BEEBE'S RADIO.
IN FACT, I ALREADY HAD AN IDEA
WHO MIGHT HAVE TAKEN IT.
FREEZE, PUNK.
AH! CHAMELEON!
GOTCHA.
GREAT, NOW YOU LOSERS
CAN KEEP ME COMPANY
IN DETENTION THIS AFTERNOON.
ROGER KLOTZ, SMALL-TIME PEST,
BIG-TIME RAT
ALREADY DUE FOR
A LONG DETENTION, SEE?
AND AT THE MOMENT,
MY NUMBER ONE SUSPECT.
I DECIDED TO ASK AROUND.
HOW COULD ROGER
HAVE DONE IT, DOUG?
WELL, MOSQUITO, AFTER A WHILE
YOU START TO UNDERSTAND
THE CRIMINAL MIND.
NO, HOW COULD HE HAVE DONE I
FROM THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE?
REMEMBER?
HE WAS IN THE OFFICE
YESTERDAY, ALL DAY.
SKEETER WAS RIGHT.
YESTERDAY KLOTZ WAS HAULED IN
ON A WATER-BALLOON RAP.
THIS CASE WOULD BE TOUGHER
TO CRACK THAN I THOUGHT.
I DECIDED
TO CHECK BEEBE'S STORY.
OH, IT'S TOO EMBARRASSING.
DADDY JUST OVERREACTED,
THAT'S ALL.
DO ME A FAVOR, DOUG,
AND FORGET ABOUT IT.
WHOEVER DID I
WILL TURN IT IN.
BUT WHAT HAPPENS IF WE ALL
HAVE TO STAY IN DETENTION?
WELL, THERE ARE
WORSE THINGS, YOU KNOW
LIKE A BAD HAIRCUT,
FOR INSTANCE.
THAT MAY HAVE BEEN
GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER
BUT MY LITTLE LADY WOULD
MISS HER BEETBALL PRACTICE
IF I DIDN'T CRACK THIS CASE.
OH, BEEBE, I AM SORRY
TO BOTHER YOU
BUT MY MEMORY'S A LITTLE RUSTY.
WHO SITS BEHIND YOU IN CLASS?
BOOMER, OF COURSE.
THAT WAS IT.
UNKNOWINGLY, SHE'D JUST GIVEN ME
THE INFORMATION
I WAS LOOKING FOR.
BOOMER BLEDSOE, LONG ON TALK,
SHORT ON BRAINS--
COULD HE HAVE TAKEN BEEBE'S
RADIO WITHOUT HER NOTICING?
I DECIDED I'D LET HIM LEAD ME
TO BEEBE'S RADIO, SEE?
( squeaking )
THIS WAS IT.
I WAS CERTAIN OF IT.
DOUG?
OH HEY, BOOMER.
HEY, MAN, IF YOU'RE FOLLOWING
ME, CAN YOU HELP ME CARRY STUFF?
HE WAS EITHER VERY CRAFTY
OR VERY STUPID.
I DECIDED TO PLAY ALONG.
SURE, BOOMER.
THAT'S WHEN I GO
MY FIRST BREAK.
WAIT A MINUTE!
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, DOUG?
IT'S PART OF BEEBE'S RADIO.
WHOEVER STOLE I
MUST HAVE BROKEN
THIS PIECE OFF.
IF I COULD FIND OU
WHOSE LOCKER THIS CAME FROM
I COULD CALL
THIS CASE CLOSED, SEE?
BOOMER, WHO HAS LOCKER 164?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S NEXT TO SKEETER'S, THOUGH.
HE'LL KNOW.
HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?
THE LAST TIME
I SAW HIM
HE WAS IN
THE METAL SHOP.
HERE YOU GO.
THIS SKEETER CHARACTER
WAS ONE GOOD EGG.
MAYBE HE COULD GIVE ME A LEAD
AS TO WHO STOLE BEEBE'S RADIO.
HUH?
OH, NO! IT WAS SKEETER.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
MY BEST FRIEND
STOLE BEEBE'S RADIO.
WOULD HE REALLY TRY
AND GET AWAY WITH IT?
AND WHAT WOULD I DO?
I NEED A TICKET.
TO WHERE, YOUNG MAN?
WELL, HOW FAR CAN I GET ON THIS?
ELM STREET.
I'LL TAKE IT.
"RESERVED FOR SKEETER."
OH, WOW!
WHOA!
A LEISURE TRIP,
MOSQUITO?
CHAMELEON!
WAIT, I CAN EXPLAIN.
I CAN.
YEAH, TELL I
TO THE JUDGE, PAL.
YOU CAN'T DO IT, MAN.
YOU CAN'T TURN IN
YOUR BEST FRIEND.
IT'S A RULE.
OH, NO, PLEASE,
CHAMELEON, NO
BUT COULD I REALLY
TURN IN SKEETER?
I WAITED OUTSIDE OF CLASS.
HEY, DOUG.
OH, SKEETER
MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME.
I HAVE THIS FRIEND.
HIS BEST FRIEND DID
SOMETHING THAT COULD GE
ANOTHER PERSON IN TROUBLE.
DOUG, IS THIS
A MATH PROBLEM?
I'M TERRIBLE IN MATH.
NO, I'M JUST ASKING.
WHAT SHOULD THA
FIRST PERSON DO?
I THINK
THE ANSWER'S FIVE
BUT COULD YOU
REPEAT THE QUESTION?
WHOA, TIME FOR CLASS.
OH, HE WAS ONE
SLIPPERY EEL, ALL RIGHT
BUT WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO?
TIME WAS RUNNING OUT.
IF I DIDN'T TURN SKEETER IN, SEE
EVERYONE WOULD SIT IN DETENTION
AND PATTI MAYONNAISE
WOULD MISS PRACTICE.
NOW, CLASS, WE'LL
GIVE THE PERSON
WHO TOOK
BEEBE'S RADIO
ONE LAST CHANCE
TO RETURN IT.
I'LL TURN OFF THE LIGHTS
AND WHOEVER TOOK THE RADIO
CAN PUT IT ON MY DESK
AND NOBODY WILL KNOW
WHO TOOK IT.
ALL RIGHT,
HERE WE GO.
I LISTENED FOR SKEETER
TO MAKE HIS MOVE
BUT HE WASN'T BUDGING.
I TOOK MATTERS
INTO MY OWN HANDS.
ROGER
OOPS! SORRY, MRS. WINGO.
GUESS MY FINGER GRAZED
THE LIGHT SWITCH.
WELL, LOOKEE HERE.
IT'S FUNNIE.
Patti:
DOUG!
THIS WAS IT.
SHOULD I SQUEAL ON SKEETER,
OR TAKE THE RAP FOR HIM?
DOUG DIDN'T TAKE
MY RADIO, MRS. WINGO.
WHAT?
SKEETER HAD MY RADIO.
THEN IT WAS SKEETER
WHO TOOK IT?
NO, IT FELL OUT OF MY LOCKER
AND SKEETER WAS TRYING
TO FIX IT FOR ME.
OH, I GET IT.
SO WHEN YOUR FATHER
ASKED WHERE IT WAS
I KNEW HE'D FREAK OU
SO I TOLD HIM
SOMEBODY TOOK IT.
I NEVER THOUGH
IT WOULD BLOW UP
INTO SUCH A BIG DEAL.
I'M SORRY.
I PANICKED.
WELL, WE'RE
ALL GLAD
THAT'S OVER WITH,
BEEBE.
YOU CAN ALL GO, NOW.
All:
LET'S GO.
TOO BAD, FUNNIE.
I ALMOST ASKED YOU
TO JOIN MY GANG.
OH, NO, MR. KLOTZ.
THERE'S STILL
THE LITTLE MATTER
OF THE STINKY CHEESE
ON THE RADIATOR.
CASE CLOSED.
CHALK UP ANOTHER ONE
FOR THE CHAMELEON.
I WANTED
TO TELL YOU, MAN
BUT BEEBE
MADE ME PROMISE.
OH, THAT'S
OKAY, SKEET.
I'M SORRY
I SUSPECTED YOU.
( metal clanking )
SAY, DO YOU
GET THE FEELING
WE'RE BEING FOLLOWED?
I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU
THE SAME THING.
THINGS WERE BACK TO NORMAL,
BUT CRIMINALS BEWARE:
THAT INNOCENT-LOOKING CHAIR,
THAT KINDLY GRANDFATHER CLOCK
COULD BE THE CHAMELEON.
I'M NOT MUCH OF A SONGWRITER
BUT WHEN I'M THINKING
ABOUT PATTI
WELL, SOMETIMES
A SONG JUST COMES OUT
LIKE THIS ONE
I WAS WORKING ON TODAY.
PATTI, YOU'RE THE PICKLE
ON THE COLESLAW
PATTI, YOU'RE
THE SUGAR IN MY TEA
PATTI, YOU'RE
THE RELISH ON MY HOT DOG
AND PATTI, YOU'RE
THE MAYONNAISE FOR ME
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA
I'D WORKED ON IT FOR HOURS.
IT WAS MY SECRET SONG.
WELL, NO ONE WOULD
EVER HEAR IT BUT ME.
HEY, GREAT TUNE,
DOUG.
SKEETER!
LOVE THE
" WHOA, WHOA, WHOA
" WHOA, WHOA, WHOA
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. "
( footsteps )
( hinge creaks )
( barks )
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
( barks )
( yelps )
SKEETER, DON'
TELL ANYBODY
I WROTE A SONG
ABOUT PATTI.
HEY, MAN, RELAX.
WHO WOULD I TELL?
WELL, PATTI
OR BEEBE OR CHALKY
OR CONNIE OR ROGER
AND HIS GANG
OKAY, I GET THE IDEA.
PATTI, YOU'RE THE
PICKLE ON MY COLESLAW
PATTI, YOU'RE THE
SKEETER!
Mr. Dink:
OH, OH, OH, OH.
WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S MR. DINK.
SOUNDS LIKE HE'S HURT.
TENDERLY
INTO YOUR ARMS I FALL
TENDERLY
IT'S A VIDEO.
I MADE IT THIS AFTERNOON.
DO YOU LIKE IT?
LIKE IT? WE THOUGH
YOU WERE DYING.
WHAT'S THAT, MOSQUITO?
HE SAID WE WERE DYING TO
HEAR YOUR SONG, MR. DINK.
RIGHT THE FIRS
TIME, BOYS.
THERE'S A NEW STORE AT THE MALL
WHERE YOU MAKE MUSIC VIDEOS.
IT'S THE LATEST THING
IN VIDEO TECHNO-FUN.
AND TO MY SURPRISE,
IT'S VERY INEXPENSIVE.
HEY, DOUG, WHY
DON'T YOU DO A VIDEO?
ME?
Mr. Dink:
SURE.
YOU CAN SING
YOUR OWN SONGS.
WHO KNOWS, DOUGLAS?
THIS COULD BE
YOUR BIG BREAK.
BIG BREAK?
( rap music )
YO, YO, YO, WHAT'S UP?
DOUG'S MY NAME,
AND COOL'S MY GAME
IF YOU LIKE MY STYLE,
AND WANNA TALK A WHILE
JUST CALL ME.
DOUG, DOUG, DOUG.
THAT'S MY NAME.
IF YOU TRY TO RING
AND CAN'T GET THROUGH
DON'T GIVE UP,
'CAUSE I NEED YOU
TO TELL ME THOSE THINGS
I WANNA HEAR
I NEED A HOMEGIRL
WHISPERING IN MY EAR.
DOUG
DOUG
DOUG
YO, "MR. D." TO YOU.
DOUGIE D.
GOTTA GO.
DON'T GO.
DOUG, DOUG, DOUG, DOUG!
Skeeter:
THIS IS GOING TO BE SO COOL!
YEAH.
WHAT SHOULD I SING?
HOW ABOUT YOUR PATTI SONG?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
LOOK, THERE'S MR. BONE.
WOULDN'T YOU LOVE
TO SEE HIS VIDEO?
( yodeling )
OKAY,
THIS IS IT.
YOU'RE NOT NERVOUS,
ARE YOU, DOUG?
NERVOUS?
IF I WERE YOU
I'D PROBABLY FORGE
MY WORDS OR SOMETHING.
SKEETER, DON'
GIVE ME ANY IDEAS.
SORRY, I TAKE IT BACK.
YOU WON'T GE
THE HICCUPS EITHER.
YOU READY?
HICCUP.
I FORGOT ALL THE
THE WORDS.
THERE I WAS,
UNDER THE GLARING LIGHTS
THE CAMERAS ROLLING,
AND ME WITH THE HICCUPS.
I COULDN'T THINK
OF A SINGLE SONG
EXCEPT
( hiccuping )
PATTI, YOU'RE THE KETCHUP
ON MY HIC-FRIES
PATTI, YOU'RE THE ICE
IN MY HIC
PATTI, YOU'RE THE MUSTARD
ON MY HIC-WICH
OH, PATTI,
YOU'RE THE HIC IN MY COLESLAW
YOU'RE THE SUGAR IN MY TEA
YOU'RE THE RELISH ON MY
OH, GREAT NOW
MY HICCUPS ARE GONE.
YOU NEVER GET HICCUPS
WHEN YOU WANT THEM.
THIS WAS A DISASTER.
I'LL ERASE THIS
WHEN I GET HOME.
IF "YOU KNOW WHO"
EVER FOUND OU
YOU VIDEO-ED
A SONG ABOUT
OW!
HI, PATTI.
HEY, DOUG,
HEY, SKEETER.
HEY, PATTI.
FUNNIE, MAYONNAISE, PICKUP.
BONE, PICKUP.
ISN'T THIS PLACE GREAT?
I'M TAKING MY VIDEO
OVER TO BEEBE'S
UP-ALL-NIGHT PARTY TONIGHT.
YEAH, THAT'S NICE.
WELL, GOTTA RUN.
SEE YOU.
SEE YOU.
MAN, THAT WAS CLOSE.
SORRY I STOMPED
ON YOUR FOOT, SKEETER.
YOU CAN STOMP ON MINE
IF YOU WANT.
COOL, MAN.
I'LL SAVE I
FOR LATER.
HEY, LET'S GO
WATCH YOUR VIDEO.
NO WAY!
FAST FOOD FEELS FUZZY
'CAUSE IT'S MADE
FROM STUFF THAT'S SCUZZY
I ALWAYS THOUGH
I WAS SUCH A NERD
Skeeter:
YOU SURE LOOK DIFFEREN
ON TV, DOUG.
OH, NO!
THEY GAVE ME PATTI'S VIDEO
BY MISTAKE.
THEN WHOSE DID SHE GET?
THIS ISN'T THE WAY
TO PATTI'S HOUSE.
WE'RE NOT GOING
TO PATTI'S.
WE'RE GOING
TO BEEBE'S.
THAT'S RIGHT--
HER UP-ALL-NIGHT PARTY.
IF THEY SEE MY TAPE
IT WILL BE
A "LAUGH-AT-DOUG" PARTY.
( laughing )
PATTI, YOU'RE THE KETCHUP
ON MY HIC-FRIES
PATTI, YOU'RE THE ICE
IN MY HIC
HEY, YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED
TO SEE THIS.
THIS IS MY SECRET SONG.
TURN IT OFF.
OH, NO I'M ON EVERY CHANNEL.
( bell rings )
YES?
HI.
IS PATTI
MAYONNAISE HERE?
THERE? IN THERE?
MISS MAYONNAISE IS ATTENDING
MISS BEEBE'S PARTY.
NO BOYS ALLOWED.
NOW WHAT?
WE'VE GOT TO
SWITCH THE TAPES.
YEAH, BUT HOW?
WHAT IS IT,
PORKCHOP?
COME ON, SKEETER.
PORKCHOP'S GO
AN IDEA.
YOU KNOW
WHAT TO DO
RIGHT, PORKCHOP?
RIGHT.
SNEAK UPSTAIRS
TO BEEBE'S ROOM
AND SWITCH
THE TAPES.
BE CAREFUL
NO ONE SEES YOU,
AND GOOD LUCK.
( takeoff on theme song from
Mission Impossible playing )
( girls laughing )
HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
BEEBE, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
( screaming )
( howling )
WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S PORKCHOP!
OH, NO!
COME ON, SKEET.
WHAT? CLIMB
THIS THING?
HE MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE.
MAYBE THEY CAUGHT HIM.
THEY MIGHT BE
HOLDING HIM HOSTAGE.
Beebe:
I'LL ASK YOU ONE
MORE TIME, EARTHLING.
WHAT WERE YOU
DOING SNEAKING
INTO MY
UP-ALL-NIGHT PARTY?
HE WON'T SPEAK,
YOUR HIGHNESS.
HIS ALLEGIANCE
IS TO ANOTHER.
SILENCE!
HE KNOWS THE RULES.
NO BOYS ALLOWED.
NOW, THEN, EARTH DOG
PERHAPS THIS WILL
REFRESH YOUR MEMORY.
( cackling )
SKEETER, WE'RE
ALMOST THERE.
WHAT'S
HAPPENING, MAN?
CAN YOU SEE
ANYTHING?
HOW LOW CAN YOU GO,
PORKCHOP?
HOW LOW CAN
YOU GO, PORKCHOP?
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE ME
IF I TOLD YOU.
WAY TO GO, PORKCHOP.
WHAT'S HE DOING?
HE'S SUPPOSED
TO SWITCH THE TAPES.
HEY, PLAY
ANOTHER SONG.
I WANT TO SEE
PORKCHOP DANCE
SOME MORE.
HEY, I KNOW.
HOW ABOUT A VIDEO?
HEY, COME ON,
YOU ALL.
OH, YEAH, GREAT,
PORKCHOP.
NOW YOU REMEMBER.
I HOPE YOU'LL LIKE IT.
I KNOW YOU WILL, PORKCHOP.
OH, NO,
I'M RUINED.
MY LIFE IS OVER.
( beeping )
PORKCHOP, WHA
ARE YOU DOING?
( beeping )
YOU'RE CRAZY, DOG.
DON'T YOU WAN
TO SEE MY VIDEO?
PORKCHOP, YOU'RE
IN THE WAY.
WELL, WE'RE GOING TO SEE I
WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
I CAN'T LOOK.
( whining )
( accordion music playing )
HEY, DOUG!
IS IT OVER?
ARE THEY STILL LAUGHING?
HAS MY LIFE COME TO AN END?
LOOK!
( yodeling )
HUH?
THAT'S MR. BONE,
FROM SCHOOL.
All:
THAT'S AWFUL.
OH, IT'S MR. BONE.
OH, MR. BONE!
MR. BONE!
SKEETER, I THINK
SOMEONE UP THERE
LIKES ME.
YEAH, BUT SOMEONE
DOWN THERE DOESN'T.
YOU BOYS GET OFF OF THERE.
YOU CRAZY
I WAS THINKING.
IF I HAD PATTI'S VIDEO,
AND SHE HAD MR. BONE'S
THAT MEANS
PATTI, YOU'RE THE KETCHUP
ON MY HIC-FRIES
PATTI, YOU'RE THE ICE
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S NOT ME.
THAT'S NOT ME AT ALL.
LAMARR BONE, IS THIS
YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THIS IS SOME MIXUP.
THAT'S NOT ME.
I SWEAR IT'S NOT ME.
THAT'S A FINE HOW-DO-YOU-DO.
PATTI, YOU'RE THE MUSTARD
ON MY SANDWICH
AND PATTI, YOU'RE
THE MAYONNAISE FOR ME
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, PATTI,
YOU'RE THE MAYONNAISE FOR ME.