DuckTales (2017) s02e01 Episode Script

1 [BIRDS CALLING.]
[GASPS.]
[EXCLAIMING.]
[ALL GRUNTING.]
[SCROOGE EXCLAIMS.]
[ALL GASP.]
[GRUMBLES.]
Ehh? [GROWLS.]
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
[GROANS.]
- [WHISTLE.]
- [ALL GASP.]
Dew Dew Dew Dewey doin' it We're doin' it again, yeah - With Webby, his best friend - [LOUIE GRUNTS.]
Do it with Dewey and Webby! [YELPS.]
Laddie? Step, turn, step, turn Step, turn, dodge and step Step, turn, step, turn Step, turn, dodge and step Oh, boy.
OK.
Step [SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTS, PANTING.]
[NECK CRACKING.]
Just grab it already! The Idol of Cibola is not a trinket to be unceremoniously swindled.
Legend has it Bahbahbahbahbahbahbah.
Can we just wrap up the "Whoa!" and get to the "Wait, what?" already? "Whoa! Some cool hidden city or treasure or whatever!" "Wait, what? That cool thing is dangerous or cursed or guarded by centaurs?" "Aah!" Louie almost dies.
Can we please move it along? That's how it goes! Adventure is an unpredictable paramour.
You've got to judge every angle! No two perilous scenarios are alike! Whoa! Wait, what? - Well, that doesn't mean - [RUMBLING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[THEME SONG PLAYING.]
Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Race cars, lasers, airplanes It's a duck-blur We might solve a mystery Or rewrite history Ducktales, whoo-ooh Every day they're out there making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of derring-do Bad and good-luck tales Whoo-ooh D-d-danger lurks behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab on to some Ducktales Whoo-ooh Every day they're out there Making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of daring bad and good Not phony tales or cottontails - No, Ducktales! - Whoo-ooh! [VACUUM RUNNING.]
[GRUNTS.]
- What a rush! - That was incredible! I'll be in the study.
I'll be right here, cleaning up after your last adventure.
[GRUNTS.]
Cool.
I'm just gonna lie here forever.
Kids! Kids, I found a hidden compartment in the idol! There's only a treasure map inside! Let's go! [ALL CHEER.]
Ugh! I need a break! Expired rations, old flares, used gauze [RETCHES.]
I thought life with a treasure hunter would be way more "treasure" and way less hunting.
Isn't it great?! Charting the unknown, following in the family tradition of adventure! You remember Mom got lost in space, right? Well, yeah.
But she went solo without any help.
We're a fine-tuned action machine! I'm the brains, Webby's the fist, Dewey's the devil-may-care guts, you are there, too! Plus, it's earned me the rank of Senior Junior Woodchuck.
Two stripes! Look, I'm sure you'll get time off after we find this treasure.
Unless this treasure is cursed.
And dispelling the curse leads to a whole other adventure and so on forever, let's go! Fine.
Hey, maybe when we get back, you can earn that Sewing Badge.
[LAUGHS.]
Please.
I earned my Sewing Badge ages ago.
C'mon, I mean Then how did this guy come loose? That's impossible.
Oh, you must be more tired than you realized.
You're slipping.
I never would've used a slip stitch.
That is amateur hour! All this constant adventuring must have torn it apart! Uncle Scrooge! All this constant adventuring is tearing us apart! Nonsense.
We're closer than ever.
Eh, kids? - Teamwork makes the dream work! - This needs to stop! I've tried, but they really do enjoy harmonizing.
With all the nonstop danger, we never get any quality time.
Do we really even know each other? I mean, is this Huey? Or or Dewey? I don't know! Which one has the hat? There's no better bonding experience than a high-stakes, death-defying adventure.
What about a quiet movie night in? Oh! Or make-your-own-pizza night! Ooh, how about game night?! Game night? Game night! - [DONALD QUACKS.]
- Game night! [EXCLAIMING.]
Game night! - Game night! - [BOTH.]
Oh, no.
Ready for a relaxing night in? You know how competitive he gets when he's trying to best an enemy? On Game Night, we are the enemies.
Partner up, everyone! If we lose, you're out of the will.
I was in the will? [GRUNTING AND EXCLAIMING.]
- I got Dewey! - I got Webby! We're the perfect team in the field.
Game Night will be a snap! Oh, um [CLEARS THROAT.]
I sense that a dark magic's afoot in the, uh etherial plane.
I must go! No, you blasted phantasm! You will not leave me to deal with this! Spooky things! Farewell! [GRUNTS, GROANS.]
Ah, c'mon, don't worry, Mrs.
B.
I'll be your game partner! [GROANS.]
Fine.
At least we'll lose quickly.
Well, I guess that leaves us, Hue You have a whole other thing goin' on.
You were right, man! We've gotta stay in! Recenter! [SIGHS.]
Sewing.
Totally basic skill.
OK.
Ha! [HUEY.]
Gah! OK.
It'll be a weird, stressful night in, but at least there's no - Adventure! - [HUEY AND LOUIE SCREAM.]
Oh, no.
Oh, yes, Green Nephew.
Behold! The Gearloose Micro-Phone, capable of amplifying sub-decibillic feedback.
Oh! It makes tiny sounds loud.
Go away! We don't want any! I believe there's a microscopic civilization of wandering nomads invisible to the naked eye, living right here in your home! - Listen to the sweet call of adventure! - [FEEDBACK.]
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
- Whoa! - Nope! Hard pass! [GRUNTING AND EXCLAIMING.]
- [DOOR LOCKS.]
- [LOUIE SIGHS.]
- [LOUIE SCREAMS.]
- I also added a shrink ray feature.
We could shrink down, make first contact with the teeny species whom I have named "Gyropuddlians," and conquer I mean, explore this tiny frontier! An entire universe right under your family's feet! We'd never get a break.
Even when we were home, we would just keep on adventuring.
Exactly! Now, where is your uncle? We [GASPS.]
What did you do?! You shrunk him! Which is exactly what he wanted! What? Everything'll be fine.
Whoa! Gyro's shrunk down and worshipped as a god-king! Wait, what? They're in a war with a bunch of giant ants? Aah! He almost got eaten by a spider but survives and teaches everybody a lesson in trust or something! That did happen twice last month.
- But this - [GYRO.]
Primitive nomads, I give you the gift of superior intellect! - [GYROPUDDLIANS GROWLING.]
- [GYRO.]
Uh, and this pen light! [GYROPUDDLIANS.]
Ohh! [MUTTERING.]
Gyro! Gyro Gyro! See? Everything's fine! C'mon, let Gyro have his own adventure while we take it easy for once.
And we can have a quiet, rejuvenating night in.
Bone up on your skills? [SIGHS.]
And we can't tell anybody, because if you do tell anybody, things will only get worse, until you'll never be able to sew a merit badge onto a sash ever again, OK?! [STRESSED MUMBLING.]
[TIMER TICKING.]
The Crabmen of Crustacea! Ha ha! Nambian Night Sprites! [SCROOGE.]
The Serengyeti! Oh, that's why he picked Donald.
Ya spend 30 years guessing what Donald is saying, you must get good at non-verbal communication.
Time! It was a Mermanticore! That was a Mermanticore?! This is a Mermanticore! [MAKES MERMANTICORE NOISES.]
Mr.
McDuck and Donald scored 34.
[BOTH GRUMBLING.]
- [SCROOGE.]
No, this is a Mermanticore! - Shh.
- [SCROOGE MAKES MERMANTICORE NOISES.]
- [MRS.
BEAKLEY.]
Next up, Webby and Dewey! [BOTH MAKING MERMANTICORE NOISES.]
Those two can barely stand each other! Imagine what a perfectly in sync team like us can do! Aaand go! Oh, this is easy! - [WEBBY GRUNTS.]
- [DEWEY.]
Sour! Sour grapes! Old fruit! [DEWEY.]
Hat! Fruit hat! A guy who wears a fruit hat! Bowler full of smoothies! Nailed it? Money? Expensive smoothies! Smoothies with cash in them! Swim away from the smoothies! An old man! Prune smoothies! - [DEWEY.]
No? - Time! Aah! It was Scrooge McDuck! But Uncle Scrooge doesn't like smoothies.
Eh, just a slight hiccup! [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Teamwork makes the dream work! - [DEWEY GRUMBLES.]
- Right? - Huey? - Nothing is weird! Did you say something? I'm not saying anything! Because this is charades and those are the rules! Very good, Huey! [WHISPERS.]
Keep it together! [TIMER TICKING.]
Ready? Aaand [GYRO.]
Pull, my minions! Do the bidding of your god-king! What was that? Yup! Great guess, Huey! "Do the bidding of your god-king.
" Says it right there! What are we playing next? I don't know! I'll go get some snacks! [GYROPUDDLIANS SCREAM.]
I thought you were having the adventure of a lifetime! By yourself! [GYRO.]
I was! Unfortunately, my people have declared war on the evil giants.
- That's you.
- Wait, what? [GYRO.]
Apparently, you've accidentally destroyed every tiny town they've ever built.
- Laundry basket city.
- [GYROPUDDLIANS SCREAMING.]
- TopHotistan.
- [GYROPUDDLIANS SCREAMING.]
The floating island of Toiletopolis.
- [TOILET FLUSHES.]
- [GYROPUDDLIANS SCREAMING.]
Ew! [GYRO.]
I thought I could shrink you down Nope.
This is our night off.
You can handle this mess on your own! [GYRO.]
Of course I can! For I am Gyro the Mighty! Gyro the Unconquerable! Aah! Giant ants! Shrink them! Shrink them! [BOTH SCREAMING.]
[PANTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Oh, come on! Hey, guys! Got any guacamole? - [CELL PHONE RINGS.]
- [LOUIE GASPS.]
[LAUNCHPAD.]
Or maybe some hummus? Launchpad! Are you OK? Yup! Wait.
I seem to be stuck in a giant world of nightmare horrors.
Hey! There's Gyro and a buncha guys.
Ooh, a giant spider! Louie! I know this is our night off, but we gotta do something! Why? Gyro's a genius and Launchpad has crashed so many times, I'm convinced he may be immortal! We've been on dozens of adventures.
Why are these recent ones any different? Look, I just, uh We need a break, all right? Well, I'm telling Uncle Scrooge.
- Huey! - Louie! Boys! Have you seen Launchpad? He left for non-suspicious reasons.
[UNCONVINCINGLY.]
Oh, no.
Without my partner, I can't play.
Curse my luck.
Just curse it.
Goodnight.
One calm night, and I promise, we'll set everything straight.
[GRUMBLES.]
Careful.
Careful.
- Careful! - Will you pipe down? I reassembled the urn of Pharaoh Duckmouse the Third Now! Do it now! - Yeah! - [LAUGHS.]
Team Uncle for the win! Yah! [EXCLAIMS.]
- Uh - Mm-mmm.
Hey, guys! Just in time to watch us totally embarrass the olds.
You got this? Does a valtportinger have wings? - It does.
- Uh knew that! I knew that.
Totally in sync.
Break.
I'll tap the block You pull from the other side.
- You're tapping two blocks.
- No, I'm not! Well, it's not moving by itself.
- [CELL PHONE RINGING.]
- [LOUIE SHUDDERS.]
Launchpad, where are you? [LAUNCHPAD.]
Well, in honor of our victory over the spider, Gyro demanded an offering.
So, we're trying to conquer the Tower of Infinity in the TV room.
Tower of Infinity? What?! [GYROPUDDLIANS STRUGGLING.]
Launchpad, stop them! If both blocks come out, the tower will collapse! You'll be [GASPS.]
- [DIAL TONE.]
- [GASPS.]
[OPERATOR.]
The number you have reached has been disconnected.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, - [SCREAMS.]
no, no, no, no, no! Careful, you'll crush them! They're already crushed! [WHIMPERS.]
Why? Why?! Guys, relax.
It's just a game.
Yeah, a game you lost for us.
- What? - Nothing! [CELL PHONE RINGING.]
[LAUNCHPAD.]
Uh hello? [BOTH LAUGHING.]
Yes! [SOBS.]
It's nice to talk to friends on the phone.
It's so much more personal than texting.
[SOBS.]
OK? Next game! Launchpad! How are you OK? [LAUNCHPAD.]
The good news is, the Gyropuddlians are fast.
The bad news is, they thought the tower was a trap, so now they've decided to use Gyro's doohickey to declare war on us all.
[GYRO YELPS.]
Unhand me, intellectual inferiors! [LAUNCHPAD.]
Now, Gyro, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
- [BUZZING.]
- Aah! Giant flies! Aah! [GYRO.]
They caught and trained them! What are we gonna do, Louie?! Just a fun night in.
No stress.
Wonderful memories.
Hey, what is up with you? Nothing, I'm just lovably lazy! No, seriously.
Why have you been so down on adventuring lately? Because I'm not good at it, OK? You guys all have your things.
Mom was great at adventuring, and she still got hurt.
I'm only good at talking my way out of it.
How long before that's not enough? Are you really gonna let our family get hurt because you're afraid to get hurt? Wait! Where's the Mirco-phone? [BUZZING.]
[GYROPUDDLIANS CHANTING.]
Behold, the final challenge.
Scroogeopoly! The thrilling game of finance and property acquisition.
The final challenge feels extremely rigged.
Your face is literally on the box.
Nonsense! Now, which piece will your team play as? Actually, maybe Yeah, maybe we'll play on our own.
I'll be the top hat! [DEWEY.]
I'll be the other top hat.
And I will be the top hat.
Oldest player goes first! [BUZZING.]
Aah! They're gonna shrink everybody! [SCROOGE.]
I'll buy Dawson, put bins in Howduyustan, and collect rent and dividends on all the rest! And Donald lands in jail.
Again?! [BUZZING.]
[SCROOGE.]
And that'll be taxes and fees for each property you own.
Ha! And I thought you were easy - to beat as a team.
[SIGHS.]
- [BUZZING.]
- Huh? - Isn't anybody willing to put up a fight? [ALL GASP.]
[WEBBY EXCLAIMING.]
[GRUNTS, WHINES.]
[SPEAKING GYROPUDDLIAN.]
Hi, Dewey! [DISTRESSED GROANING.]
[ALL GRUNT.]
Is this part of the game? - Or uh - [GYRO.]
Careful! They don't trust outsiders for some reason! [GROWLS.]
[BUZZING.]
- Quick, unshrink them! - [STAMMERING.]
- [CONFUSED GRUNT.]
- [HUEY SCREAMS.]
Not him! Huh? Hmm.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[BUZZING.]
We can't just blast wildly! We need a plan! Hmm, what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? [GASPS.]
That's what I do! - [LOUIE.]
Everybody, listen! - [ALL.]
Louie?! Hey, Louie! Launchpad! Crash your way outta there to break 'em up! OK, but what do I crash with? - I don't see anything crashable.
- [ALL GRUNTING.]
Ow! Ow! Owie! Scrooge and Donald, corral the Gyropuddlians onto Barks Place! Come on, ya miniscule hooligans! [ALL GRUNTING.]
[MANIC QUACKING.]
Huey! Show 'em what a Senior Junior Woodchuck can do! [GROWLING.]
- Seam.
Stitching line.
Yoke.
- [GRUNTING.]
- Hmm? - Basting stitch.
[CONFUSED GRUNT.]
[GRUNTING.]
Dewey, Webby, get up to those flies! [BUZZING.]
Shouldn't Scrooge and Donald do it? - [STRUGGLING.]
- Kinda busy now, kids! - [BOTH GRUNT.]
- But you guys are totally in sync! [ALL GRUNTING.]
Are you daft? [GRUNTS.]
I'm a billionaire, he's a moocher that lives in that pool and eats my food! [GRUNTS.]
Hey! - [BOTH GROANING.]
- Hey! We lost every game! We argue and we have nothing in common.
Outside of adventure, how are we even friends? Of course you're not friends! You drive each other crazier than anyone could and still care about each other more than anyone.
You're not friends.
You're family! Now, move! [BUZZING.]
[BOTH GRUNT.]
- Together! - Teamwork makes the dream work Almost almost [STRUGGLING.]
[CONFUSED GRUNT.]
[BUZZING.]
Now! - [EXCLAIMING.]
- [ALL GRUNT.]
[ALL GRUNT.]
So, I believe it was my turn.
[SIGHS.]
I have 13 different apologies, depending on how mad you are.
Close the door.
Oh, you're that mad.
You saw the angles, didn't you? You saw the pieces on the board, devised a plan, delegated and executed perfectly.
You even offered the wee warriors - a permanent home.
- [GYROPUDDLIAN CHATTER.]
Do you know how I made my fortune? Yes.
By being tougher than the toughies and smarter than the smarties.
And sharper than the sharpies.
People don't know about that one.
The ability to read a situation and see all the shortcuts and the possibilities.
You mother could do it.
So can you.
I can? I should have seen it, the way you were picking apart those adventures earlier.
The "Whoa," the "Wait, what," the "Aah.
" If you apply that gift, you might be a bigger billionaire than I am one day.
Here.
It's not a Number One Dime, but it's a start.
Whoa! [ALL.]
Wait, what?!