Gilmore Girls s02e01 Episode Script

Previously on Gilmore Girls: - I'm going in.
- You can't.
- I'm going in.
- It's Thursday afternoon.
- I know.
- He works on Thursday afternoons.
Oh, my God! You're getting back with Dean! - You know what these are? - They look like tickets.
To P.
J.
Harvey.
I can't date you, Tristin.
- Have you seen Luke around? - He's probably at the diner.
He was supposed to be at the diner, but he's not.
We were supposed to meet for lunch, but he didn't show.
You have almost no free time with your work at the diner.
And lately, every spare moment has been spent - not with Rachel.
- That's not true.
- Who are you going with? - Rory.
- What? - Rory's going out with you? Yes, she is.
But recently, he's been Other places, your place, actually.
- I think I'm hiding.
- I think you are, too.
It's just a little weird having her in my place.
- I thought that's what you wanted.
- It was Is.
Max Medina, this is Luke Danes.
Luke owns the diner.
He has the greatest coffee.
I'm not going to P.
J.
Harvey.
- Tristin says you are.
- Then he lied.
I saw the tickets.
I just left my toolbox from when I was here earlier, fixing things.
I do a lot of little things around here for Lorelai.
Rachel, no.
She and I are just friends.
I told you that a thousand times.
We can't keep getting this close to have something derail us again.
There's only one thing I could think of that could solve it.
Break up.
I'm not interested in a murder-suicide kind of thing.
We should get married.
Dean? - I feel like an idiot.
- Why? I come all the way out here, and I see you with him! A proposal has to be something more than the desperate desire to end a bickering match.
- It was more than that.
- It has to be planned.
It should be magical.
There should be a thousand yellow daisies.
- Dean.
- What? - Stop! - Why? Because I love you, you idiot.
Not 1,001, not 999, but 1,000.
I don't question the orders.
I merely fill them.
I don't want an answer now.
I've thought about this.
I want you to do the same.
I love you, Lorelai Gilmore.
Oh, my.
You should get married in Italy.
All the way from home, the same topic.
There's tons of stuff going on in the world.
- Like? - Balkans.
That was ages ago.
Read a paper.
They make my hands black.
You should walk down the aisle to Frank Sinatra with a huge bouquet of something that smells really good.
Pot roast.
You should wear a long veil with your hair up.
I'll take any other subject in the world for $200, Alex.
Why don't you wanna think about this? I haven't made my mind up about the 'yes' or 'no' part so I don't want to start fantasizing about dresses and flowers or doves and tulle until I do.
So please change the subject.
The bridesmaids should pick their own dresses.
You know how in All in the Family Edith would be yapping about something and Archie would pretend to hang or shoot himself? Something about this moment made me think of that.
- Fine, I'm done.
I'm taking these to Lane.
- Okay.
Meet me at Luke's.
- Get me a paper, please.
- But my hands.
- No.
No more talking.
- But, Mama, please.
Not for you to think about.
All under control.
Give me a hint.
Children will know what their parents think they can handle.
- I'm sorry, was that the hint? - Back to work.
I came to bring you some of my mom's flowers.
Thanks.
- Are you okay? - No.
I'm not okay.
What's wrong? Did she find your CD burner? My parents are sending me to Korea for the summer to visit my cousins.
- So? - They won't tell me when I'm coming back.
What do you mean they won't tell you? I mean, they bought me a one-way ticket.
- One-way.
The plane goes there and stops.
- Are you sure? I called the airline to confirm it and my parents were in their room whispering all morning.
When my mother came out, she looked very happy.
She was humming.
I swear, they're planning on sending me to Korea for the rest of my life.
It's like that Sally Field movie where the husband wouldn't let them return from Iran.
Except, I won't have to keep my head covered.
Calm down.
Are you listening? I am being shipped off to Korea.
I think you're freaking out a little prematurely.
- Really? - Yes, let's think about this.
Maybe there's some deal with the airline and that's why the ticket's one-way or maybe they haven't worked out the plans with your cousins yet or there's a weather consideration or a holiday you don't know about I'm really going to miss you.
Lane, come here, please.
I have to go.
You've been a good friend.
Hi, Bootsy.
So, apparently, they shoot a gland from a pig's head in Ivana Trump's rear end twice a month to keep her looking young.
Hope she's not kosher.
I don't know.
It doesn't say here.
- Hey.
- What? Nothing.
- You a Leo? - No.
Thank God.
Those guys are screwed this week.
What're you reading? God.
Do not sneak up on a person like that.
'InStyle Weddings.
'Very interesting.
No, not very interesting.
- Get any ideas? - Yes, we should have cake more often.
Hey, Bootsy, I'll take this.
- No, I just - That's $6.
- Lorelai, so? - Hi, Patty.
- InStyle Weddings.
You said yes.
- No, not yet.
- She said 'yet.
' - I know.
I'm right here.
- He's a good man? - Yeah, he's a great man.
I just love this.
Have you told Luke? No, it just happened last night.
Patty, stop it.
I'll tell him.
It's not that big a deal if he just finds out.
Whatever you say.
It just so happens we are on our way over there to have breakfast - and I'll tell Luke then.
- Be gentle.
Patty, Luke and I are Just friends.
Yes, I know.
- It's true.
- Okay, let's go.
- It is.
- I know.
What is with this place? Why will nobody believe me? - They believe you.
- No, they don't.
I promise they believe you.
- You are pacifying me.
- Just a little.
- I don't like it.
- I'll see if I can stop.
I can't wait for the movie theater to reopen.
Let's see, what looks good? I'm so unbelievably hungry, I'll have to order breakfast and lunch.
Crazy.
- Mom, go tell him.
- I will.
- Now.
- Why? Because in five minutes, someone's about to be pushed through that window.
This is crazy.
Why is everybody making such a big deal about this? Because everyone knows that Luke has a thing for you.
- Luke does not have a thing for me.
- Tell him.
We can barely have a conversation without biting each other's heads off.
- Tell him.
- Everything about me repulses him my coffee-drinking, my eating habits.
Remember when I called him Ranger Bob last week? He hated that.
Will you get me a muffin when you're there? Okay.
God.
Fine.
Hey.
Fresh coffee will be ready in a minute unless you want to just roll up a dollar bill and go nuts.
No, thanks, I can wait.
- What the helI's going on with them? - I don't know.
Crazy people.
The whole town should be medicated and put in a rec room with Ping-Pong tables and hand puppets.
What? Nothing.
I I have something to tell you.
I have something to share with you, actually.
- Share with me? - Yes.
When exciting things happen in your life you wanna share them with people who you think will find them exciting - which I think you will.
- What is it? It's very Exciting, I heard.
I'm prepared to jump up and down if necessary.
Okay, then, here it is.
Max has asked me to marry him.
Yeah, I figured.
- You did? - It was obvious.
You two were getting kind of close, he was around a lot.
Then last night with that life-changing-thing comment I put two and two together and figured it out.
- Congratulations, by the way.
- Thank you.
- Have you set a date? - No, I haven't answered him yet.
- You're going to say yes.
- How do you know? You're making a big deal about telling me he proposed.
I don't think I'm making a big deal.
You wouldn't do that if you weren't going to say yes.
I'm sharing something with you.
It is not making a big deal.
Sharing is a nice gesture like when you're a kid and you have a Popsicle and you break it in two and offer half to another kid.
That's sharing.
That is what I'm doing.
- You offered me half a Popsicle? - Yes.
- Okay, so, now you know.
- Now I know.
I'll have two blueberry muffins and some coffee.
- Coming right up.
- Okay.
I think it's good you're doing this.
You do? Good.
Me, too.
Not that I'm definitely doing it, but if I do, then it'll be good.
Where are you going to live? - What? - Here? Hartford? Here.
I don't know.
We haven't talked about it.
Hartford's probably good, closer to Rory's school.
- Yeah, I guess.
- Of course, it is a little far from the Inn.
Yeah.
But who knows how long you'll work after you're married.
Excuse me? But you probably already talked about that? No, but I think he and my father have come to an agreement on how many goats I'm worth.
I'm just talking here.
It's great, really.
- You're going to have more kids? - Personal.
I mean, he wants kids, right? - In the world? Yes.
He wants kids.
- You haven't talked about that either.
What we have and haven't discussed is none of your business.
Joint checking accounts? You know his last name? I want my Popsicle back.
- Fine, it's your business.
- Yes, it's my business.
Some people go their entire lives without having these conversations.
My parents didn't discuss a thing my entire childhood, worked fine for them.
But when my mom died, she hadn't told Dad where the coupon drawer was.
Took him 10 years to find it.
- Used a coffee can the whole time.
- Okay.
I don't care what anyone says.
A coupon can is not as good as a coupon drawer.
How are those muffins coming? But you know what? You might like a coupon can.
You never know.
Here you go, two blueberry muffins.
Thank you.
And congratulations again.
- Now what's going on? - Kirk passed out.
- Here's your muffin.
- Thanks.
How'd he take it? Fine.
He took it fine.
- Is everything okay? - Yes, I'm just tied to the emergency brake.
How did you do that? You know, with a flourish and a big ending.
Okay, I got it.
Let's go.
- My coat.
- It's pretty warm out for a coat.
It tends to cool off the minute I get in that house.
- Are you good? - I'm good.
- My keys.
- Mom.
They're in the ignition.
Okay, I got them.
Let's go.
- What is wrong with you? - Nothing.
You got lost coming here.
- I took a wrong turn.
- Six times.
My self-preservational instincts at work, ladies and gentlemen.
And the coat and the keys? - I got stuff on my mind.
- Max stuff? - No.
Stuff stuff.
- You're lying.
I'm being mysterious.
That's what women do.
- Mom - Look.
Doorbell.
Pretty sound.
You always make me tell you what I'm thinking.
And the lesson we've learned is you should never become a spy.
You're here.
Richard, they're here.
- Wonderful.
- Come in.
- No.
- Why? Because you're scaring Rory.
Stop that.
Get in here.
Scaring Rory.
You're so silly sometimes.
Let's get you a drink.
Put your coat down.
And are you hungry? I had Antonia make some Roquefort puffs.
Antonia, bring the puffs.
Come, sit down.
Richard.
- Say nothing until I get there.
- Hurry up.
Mom, what's going on? The nails.
So, tell me what's new with you girls.
Nothing.
Grandma, what about you? Did something special happen? Well, as a matter of fact For goodness' sake.
Richard, damn it! Mom, why don't you just tell us what's happening now? All right.
I can't wait for your grandfather any longer.
You know I'm very good friends with Bitty Charleston the headmaster's wife.
We have this little arrangement where she keeps me apprised of the goings-on at Chilton.
She tells me all the gossip on the students and their parents and any piece of information I might find useful.
Well, this afternoon, she called to tell me the class list just came out and Rory has finished in the top three percent.
I know.
You do? Who do you know at Chilton? Rory.
It wasn't definite, but I had a pretty good idea.
Rory, wonderful news you finished in the top three percent of your class.
Yeah, Dad, J.
Edgar Hoover over here was just telling us.
What? I told you not to say anything before I got here.
- You took too long.
- No, we already knew.
- It's a simple request.
- Just hang up the phone.
It's good news either way.
Let's all agree on that.
I am immensely proud of you, Rory.
Yes, we knew you could do it.
We certainly did.
We have to celebrate.
Next week, we will have a special dinner.
Grandma, all of your dinners are special.
This one will be extra-special.
We'll make all your favorite foods, and you can invite some of your friends.
There's an excellent chance that presents might be involved.
You guys do not have to do this.
- For the top three percent - We most certainly do.
You start late, have to catch up, and by the end of the year you've overtaken everyone.
A true Gilmore.
Through and through.
Dinner is ready.
Thank you, Antonia.
Shall we? After the top three percent in her class.
Well, thank you very much.
Just go ahead and start without me.
I've got to check in at the Inn.
MicheI's there by himself.
People could die.
Well, hurry up.
- Hello? - Where are we going to live? - Lorelai? - Where are we going to live? - Well, I - Your house? My house? - I don't know.
- We have to figure this stuff out.
I have a life and a kid, and both of them require a house of some sort.
- Okay, but - I have stuff.
I have a lot of stuff.
You haven't seen my closet yet, but you would not believe the amount of stuff one person can accumulate.
I don't even know what this stuff is, but it's there and it's mine - and it needs a place to live.
- Well - And I want to work.
- What? And I like my bank.
Okay, hold on The teller's name is Margie and she can't count.
There's something poetic about banking in a place where the teller can't count.
- Lorelai.
- What? Calm down.
Talk to me.
It's just If I die, I want you to know where the coupon drawer is.
I would like that, too.
I think.
Well, we need to figure these things out before Before what? - Are you saying yes? - What? Are you saying yes? Why are you asking me that? Because you call me, out of the blue.
You're panicked about where we're going to live and bank and coupon drawers and Margie.
These are important things to discuss.
I agree.
They're extremely important things to discuss, especially if you're saying yes.
Are you? I am so thrilled about this.
Will you get a certificate? I'm not sure.
They should give you a certificate or a plaque.
I'll talk to Bitty about that tomorrow.
I can't wait to tell Telman McCabe about this.
Oh, Richard.
He's always bragging about that simpleton grandson of his.
William is a lovely boy.
- His head is shaped like a football.
- It is not.
If he fell asleep in the park, someone would try to punt him.
- Telman is a very dear friend of yours.
- Yes, he is.
And one should always share wonderful news with one's good friends.
You just want to brag.
I think I have a right.
You'd think you were the one who finished in the top three percent of your class.
It was my genes.
I get to claim a little responsibility.
Goodness.
I just spilled on my shirt.
What are you doing? What are they doing, Emily? I have no idea.
Stop that, you two.
- Sorry.
- Yeah, sorry.
What is going on? I'm just really jazzed about this whole three-percent thing.
Yeah, really, really jazzed.
Don't even try to understand, Richard.
Antonia, please bring some club soda for Mr.
Gilmore's shirt.
We're running out of clarified butter.
Chop that finer.
No parboiling.
That looks good.
Add a little pinch of oregano.
I think we've got it.
Okay, got your lobsters.
Are they good? They look good.
Yes, they do.
It's got my hand.
Thanks.
Okay, I'll be fine.
I'm a good clotter.
Don't worry.
You are fresh, aren't you? Okay, in the back.
- Michel, I'm gonna need you to move.
- In a minute.
- What are you doing? - I am weighing my turkey.
Why? A group of scientists did a study on rats where they cut their daily calories by 30%.
And you felt left out? No, the rats lived 30% longer.
The scientists were so impressed that they cut their own calories just like the rats.
It was a very nice display of solidarity.
I have decided to do the same.
I figure if I stay alive long enough these scientists will be able to cure anything, including death therefore ensuring my indefinite existence.
You're going to live forever? Like on Fame? Don't speak to me.
Give me back my scale.
I have an announcement to make, and it's big and it's fabulous and you are not going to believe it.
- Goodbye.
- Wait.
I got news.
Well, I'm sure it's very exciting.
Excuse me.
What's with the turkey? He thinks he's going to live forever.
- Like on Fame? - That's what I said.
A hundred years from now, I'll sit around telling my fellow men of science about the two of you, and we will giggle like little girls at your ignorance.
Now I have work to do.
He did say 'giggle like little girls,' right? Forget him.
Tell me about your fabulous news.
- I'm engaged.
- What? I'm getting married.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- What? Sookie.
Oh, my God.
This is amazing.
I'm shaking.
Max is a wonderful man.
It is Max, right? - Yes, it is Max.
- Good.
- I knew it.
I knew you'd get engaged.
- Really? God, I didn't.
- You're going to be a Sadie.
- A what? A Sadie.
Sadie, Sadie, married lady Meet a mortgagee - Funny Girl! - Streisand! - Stop it.
- Who's catering? - Bobby Flay? - Not funny.
- I'm making the cake also.
- Absolutely.
I'll start a menu.
Something light and romantic to start with something that will go wonderful with champagne.
Truffles go wonderful with champagne.
And scrambled eggs.
Sookie? Honey? I know scrambled eggs don't sound very festive, but when you put them in a little quaiI's eggshell with caviar on top, they're quite a crowd-pleaser.
What's with the waterworks, lady? It's just I don't know.
You raised that little girl all alone, and she is so great and you work your butt off here and you go to school and you put up with me.
- You just really deserve this.
- Thank you.
Prepare yourself for the most gorgeous Brussels sprouts ever.
Sookie, are you okay? Are you hurt? Have you been making cutlets again? Lorelai's getting married.
I love saying that.
Married.
That's great.
Congratulations.
Thanks, Jackson.
Do you want to look at the Brussels sprouts? Yes, I do.
What about some nice Brussels sprouts with garlic olive oil for the wedding? That sounds like a 'till death do us part' kind of side dish, doesn't it? I wouldn't know.
What do you think is the most romantic vegetable? - You know, I'm the wrong guy to ask.
- You're the vegetable guy.
The normal vegetable guy, not the romantic vegetable guy.
I would have no idea what an appropriate vegetable would be to serve at a wedding.
I've never even been to a wedding.
One.
My cousin Bonbon.
Yes, that's his real name.
And I didn't stay long and I didn't notice the vegetables so I would not be the guy to ask about wedding vegetables.
I'm not the wedding vegetable guy.
Jackson's got'Panicked, my girlfriend wants to get married' face on.
Yes, next time he's here, tell him that you're pregnant.
- With twins.
- Why not? So, what's the latest? I just got off the phone with the American Consulate.
And? - Can you say 'Hyung Yung'? - No, and what is that? My Korean name.
There must be something you can do.
I'm a minor.
I've been put in the custody of family by my parents.
That's it.
It's over.
You have to at least try to talk to your family.
I don't know.
- Dinner.
- I have to go.
Last meal.
Call me later.
Coming, Mama.
Do you want Tater Tots also? - That's a rhetorical question, right? - Right.
So, what kind of dress are you thinking of? The one Stephanie Seymour wore in the Guns N' Roses video.
Did you pick your colors yet? - Yes.
- Really? What? - Spumoni.
- I am planning this wedding without you.
You will have no say, and I may not even let you come.
- Hello? - Rory? Good, it's Max.
Hey, Max.
Look, I've been out ring shopping all day.
Ring shopping? Very interesting.
Now, I've narrowed it down to three different rings but I want to get her something she'll really like not something she tells me she likes, but she really hates.
You know her taste in jewelry better than I do.
I thought maybe you could give me advice.
Anything with the word 'foxy' on it is a big crowd-pleaser.
Maybe for our first anniversary.
- Okay, I'm listening.
- Okay.
The first ring has a gold band and sort of a square diamond.
It's simple, but very classic.
Gold band, square diamond, simple, classic.
I'm not sure that's really her.
Okay.
The next one is sort of an engagement band with small diamonds all around it, white gold and there's a wedding band that sort of fits into it, like a set.
White gold engagement band, small diamonds around it with wedding band that fits into it.
That's a possibility.
What's the third one? The third one is from the '20s.
From the '20s? Large diamond in the middle diamond clusters on the sides and it's a little deco.
That sounds great.
Good going.
She's going to be ecstatic.
- She's right there with you, isn't she? - What? No.
I thought I heard her bark.
No, that's just a wild jackal that hangs out here sometimes.
- Put Cujo on the phone, please.
- One sec.
Here, boy.
Hello, Max.
What a pleasant surprise.
I just walked in.
- Hi.
- Am I late? - No, right on time.
- Good.
- Are you coming in? - In a sec.
Where's your mom? In the kitchen, on the phone.
Beginning, middle, or end of a conversation? It concerns jewelry, so there may not be an end to the conversation.
Good.
Hi.
- I missed that.
- Me, too.
So, this whole breaking-up thing, we tried it.
Yeah, we did.
- Didn't really work for me.
- Me, either.
Okay, good.
So it's decided.
Breaking up, not for us.
Not that it's a bad thing.
I'm sure some people like it.
Sure.
Cher, Gregg Allman.
I bet they give it a big thumbs-up.
Did you pick out your ring? Yes.
He's going to surprise me with it tomorrow.
'20s deco? Supposedly ripped off of Zelda Fitzgerald's cold, dead hand.
- Hey, Dean.
- Hey.
When's dinner ready? - Do I look like a timer? - I thought you'd set one.
Timers are for kids.
Ten minutes, we're there.
I'll get it set up.
What's the movie for tonight? My God, a classic.
The Joan and Melissa Rivers Story.
Starring Joan and Melissa Rivers.
A mother and daughter torn apart by tragedy.
- Suicide.
- Not getting The Tonight Show.
- Mean boyfriends.
- Identical noses.
You'll laugh, you'll cry.
'Cause you're laughing so hard.
It'll be an evening to remember.
In the pivotal scene where a distraught Joan gets locked out of High Holiday services 'cause she's late I will be forced to rewind it and play it over and over about 4,000 times.
You'll never be the same.
It's nice to have you back.
Thanks.
It's nice to be back.
- We missed you.
- I missed you guys, too.
No, I mean, we really missed you.
You need the water bottle changed, don't you? - Desperately.
- Rag.
Thank you.
Where's Dean? - Getting water.
- You're shameless.
- He offered.
- Please.
The first thing he said to me was, 'Lorelai, can I change your water?' What can I do? The kid's a freak.
I'm so sorry she's got you doing chores already.
I don't mind.
You will.
She pulled out the mower this morning.
If that movie is anything like you described mowing might be a good alternative.
- I wanted to ask you something.
- Yeah? My grandparents are having this special dinner for me next week.
It's nothing big, but they said I could invite someone and you've never seen my grandparents' house and I'd really like you to meet my grandpa.
What? It's just the last time I met your grandma was the night of the dance, and you know how that turned out, so The dance was a long time ago.
She's over it by now.
I'm sure everything will be fine.
You want me to go? Yeah, I want you to go.
Then I'll go.
Good.
Oh, my.
That coffee can is just so high up there.
Whatever will I do? Coming.
Antonia, take this and put it in the dining room, please.
I like that tie.
Yes, it's rather snappy, isn't it? Don't you dare get on that phone.
They'll be here any second.
I'm not getting on the phone.
I'm going to give Rory that first edition of Mencken's Chrestomathy.
Well, hello there.
- Well, hello there.
- Grandma, you remember Dean, right? Yes, I do.
Nice to see you again.
Thanks.
Your house is great.
It's huge.
- I've never seen a house this huge before.
- Thank you.
So few people bother to notice the hugeness of the house anymore.
Mom, it was so nice of you to tell Rory to invite a friend tonight seeing as this is her night.
That was really nice of you.
- It was my pleasure.
- Good.
Don't just stand there.
We have a celebration to attend.
Come in.
So, what would everyone like to drink? I'll have a white wine, and Dean will have a beer.
- What? - Corona, right? No.
I don't want a beer.
I don't drink beer.
I'll have a water or soda or anything.
Or nothing.
Not beer.
Never beer.
Beer's bad.
Relax, Dean, that's just Lorelai's little sense of humor.
- You're very cruel.
- Yes, it keeps me young.
I'm just going to sit here and stare at my hands.
- Soda, Dean? - Please.
- Rory? - I'll have a beer.
I'm sorry, Dean.
We're not laughing at you.
- Wait, I think I was.
- I think I was a little, too.
Richard, there you are.
Come join us.
Hey, Dad.
Grandpa, hi.
This is Dean.
- Dean, this is my grandpa.
- Hi.
Sorry.
Hi.
Hello.
- It's nice to meet - Does everyone have drinks? Yeah.
We all have drinks.
Thanks.
Should we do the beer thing again? I don't think so.
Grandma, I can't believe you found a recipe for beefaroni.
It wasn't easy.
Antonia thought I'd gone insane.
No one needs a comment from you.
No, I was just going to say what's the secret? Let's just say it's not beef.
- Okay.
I'm done.
- Me, too.
Dean, would you like some more? No.
I'm fine, thanks.
Then, I guess it must be present time.
You didn't have to.
Yeah, Mom, you didn't have to.
Unless you got something that'll fit me, too.
If so, good going.
Here you go, Rory.
Congratulations.
We're so proud.
Thanks, Grandma.
- Thanks, Grandpa.
- Now, go on.
Open it.
Okay.
Oh, pens.
All yours.
It's beautiful.
I think the top student deserves the top tools.
Thank you so much.
Really.
Well, pens are very nice, but I just bet there is a fabulous, fancy dessert just sitting out there in that kitchen.
As a matter of fact, there is.
Twinkies.
Rory told me that was her favorite dessert.
Emily Gilmore, you are one classy broad.
Antonia, please bring out the Twinkies.
I can't believe I just heard you say those words.
Don't get used to it.
So, Dean where are you planning to go to college? Start off with 'What's your favorite baseball team?' or something.
I'm talking to Dean.
I don't know yet.
- You don't? - No, not yet.
What kind of grades do you get? Richard, please, don't grill the boy.
I'm not grilling the boy.
It's an easy question.
A's? B's? C's? I get a mixture, actually.
A mixture? What's the ratio? I'm just trying to get to know the boy, Emily.
After all, Rory brings home a young man to dinner.
The least we could do is find out something about him.
He changes a mean water bottle.
I get a couple of A's a couple of B's, a few C's.
- Really? - I'm not great in math.
Yeah.
Except, who is, really? Except mathematicians or blackjack dealers or I guess Stephen Hawking doesn't suck.
But you know what else is good, Mom, is a ho ho.
Because if you can't find a Twinkie, you treat yourself to a nice ho ho.
- How long does it take to open a box? - She's making them.
She's making the Twinkies? You're kidding.
Richard, wasn't there a book you wanted to give Rory? - In a minute, Emily.
So, Dean - Grandpa you do know that Rory's going to an Ivy League school? I know.
- Harvard, Princeton, Yale.
- He said he knew.
You need top grades to get into a top school.
Yeah.
Rory's really smart.
Yeah.
She is really smart.
- Mom? - Why don't we all go sit in the How are you planning to make a living once you graduate from this college you haven't thought anything about yet? Grandpa, can we talk about something else? I'm going to get that book.
I asked you a question.
I don't know what I want to do.
You know, when I was 10 years old I knew exactly where I wanted to work.
That's because you were always picked last for dodge ball.
I knew I wanted to go to Yale and put on a nice suit every day and be a very important man in a very powerful firm.
And I knew I wanted to travel and see the world.
That's great.
I wanted to see La Traviata at the La Scala opera house.
I wanted to walk the ruins of Pompeii.
I wanted to travel the Far East.
Or be a ballerina, or a fireman.
Lorelai, this isn't funny.
It's a little funny to think of a 10-year-old kid dreaming of the La Scala opera house.
Rory does.
Rory wants to travel.
Rory has plans.
Rory's special.
Yes.
Exactly.
Rory is special.
- I know that Rory's special.
- I've got it.
Dean is special, too, Grandpa.
You don't even know him.
- I know enough.
- No, you don't.
Dean is incredible, and he's special to me.
And I bring him here, and you attack him.
I will not be spoken to like that in my house.
Here, give her the book.
This family has standards.
You live up to them.
You should expect that everyone you spend time with live up to them also.
You are a gifted girl with immense promise and you should learn very early that certain people can hold you back.
Grandpa, stop it.
You cannot treat Dean this way.
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
I have to work.
Grandpa.
Thank you for the dinner and the gift, Grandma but I really think we should be going.
Thanks.
I'm sorry.
Am I crazy? That's supposed to be us, right? Want to come in and have some dessert? You never did get your Twinkie.
No, thanks.
I think I should get going.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
Okay, all I can say is, Dean, tonight you officially became a Gilmore girl.
Feels good, huh? - Yeah.
- See you later.
Meet you inside.
I don't even know what to say.
It's no big deal.
I had no idea.
I thought he would - I am so sorry, Dean.
- It's not your fault.
None of those things he said were true.
None of them mean anything.
I don't know what made him act that way.
Let's just forget it, all right? - Please don't be upset.
- I'm not.
- Dean - I'm fine.
I'm not upset.
I have to go.
- Call you tomorrow.
- Okay.
That man is impossible.
Twinkie? He just attacks Dean out of nowhere and Dean is sitting there being perfectly nice, and then all of a sudden - God, I'm so mad.
He's a snob.
- Yes.
And he doesn't listen.
He just wants to say horrible things and have you sit there and listen to him and then just agree with him.
What is that all about? That is about a hundred years' worth of inbreeding.
I've never seen him be mean before, ever.
Not like that.
I don't know how I'll ever talk to him again.
And Dean, he must be so upset right now.
I hate that he did this to him.
Yes, it was bad.
My father was in fine form tonight.
But - But? There's a 'but' from you? - Twinkie? I don't think my father has ever loved anything in this world as much as he loves you.
Now, that having been established, let's just consider that maybe this flip-out tonight actually came from somewhere that possibly has nothing to do with Dean and possibly has nothing to do with you.
What are you talking about? You are the great white hope of the Gilmore clan.
You are their angel sent from up above.
- You are the daughter they didn't have.
- Mom No, it's not a feel-sorry-for-me thing.
It's just the truth.
I mean, you're going to go to college.
Hell, you're going to graduate from high school.
They'll get to watch you walk down the aisle wearing your cap and gown and get your diploma and go to Harvard and be a Phi Beta bimbo and graduate with honors and just set the world on fire.
I mean, that is the plan.
Looks like it's going to happen.
It is going to happen.
Except for that 'Phi Beta bimbo' part.
But then tonight, you walk in with this beautiful boy who likes you enough to brave going to your grandparents' house for dinner and Dad looks at you and sees you with him and all of a sudden, has a terrible Lorelai flashback.
He sees it all going away, the college, the cap and gown.
- I'm not going to get pregnant.
- I know that.
- He should know that.
- Yes.
He should.
But You do have my eyes.
You do realize you just spent 10 minutes defending your dad? I know.
I'll have terrible nightmares all night long.
But I'll tell you what, if you cut him a little slack I'll wear my 'porn star'T-shirt to dinner next week.
- Deal.
- Good.
Hello? I just thought you should know.
My parents just brought in the suitcase that I'm supposed to take on my trip.
To paint you a picture, it could fit you and me, plus everything we own and still have enough room to do a little souvenir shopping.
I am never coming back.
What is Lorelai thinking, letting Rory run around with a boy like that? Of course, she isn't thinking.
She never thinks.
Richard, please.
You're giving me a headache.
And what were you thinking, inviting him over here? We told her she could invite someone.
You were right there.
- I did not mean him.
- Please calm down.
I will not.
Did you hear the way she talked to me? I heard the way she talked to you.
She sounded like her mother.
You were attacking her boyfriend.
A girl that age shouldn't have a boyfriend.
You truly think a 16-year-old girl isn't going to date? Of course she'll date, and she should date.
Proper socialization is important to a child.
But she should not date one boy, and she should not date him.
Don't answer that.
I'm going to answer it.
Emily, we are in the middle of a discussion.
I'm sure you'll remember exactly where you were five minutes from now.
- Hello? - Hi.
Mrs.
Gilmore? It's Sookie St.
James, Lorelai's friend.
I don't know if you'd remember me.
Yes, you're the chef at the Inn.
That's right.
I'm sorry to call so late, but I need to ask a question.
I'm planning a surprise wedding shower for Lorelai and Max.
It's going to be more like a big party.
I've cleared the date with everybody around here, so we're all set to go but I wanted to make sure you guys would be around before I finalized everything.
It's going to be Saturday the 21st.
I don't know.
I'd have to check.
Okay.
You check, and then you call me at the Inn.
- Yes, I'll get back to you.
- Okay.
I want you to call Rory tomorrow and apologize.
What? I want you to tell her you're sorry, that you weren't feeling well and you think Dean is a lovely boy and he's welcome anytime.
Have you gone insane? Under no circumstances Our daughter is getting married.
She's getting married, and she didn't tell us.
When Rory decides to get married, I'd like her to tell us.
Call her tomorrow.
- It was awful.
- It sounds awful.
That's the family you want to marry into.
- I must be insane.
- You must be.
- Speaking of marrying into - Yes? I have a little something for you.
- Let me guess.
Is it gum? Because you know how much I like gum and how concerned I am about dental hygiene.
Oh, my.
You like? It's beautiful.
It's too big.
- No, it's not.
- Give it to me.
No, you can't have it back.
- I'll get it sized.
- No, it's okay.
It's going to fall off.
- I'll wear it on my thumb.
- You won't do that.
I'll eat a lot of salt and bloat up.
Just let me get it sized, and I promise you'll never have to take it off again.
In fact, I'm going to insist on it.
- Just in a minute, okay? - Okay.
I'm getting married.